NEWSLETTER: "ISSUE 777: THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST PLUS THE BUS TO HEATHROW"
This Week:
* LISTEN TO AUDIO - to plant trees
* SWIPES FOR DADDY - Older men on Tinder. Eek
* TENACIOUS D DOES THE BEATLES - at last (?!)
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the wub wub
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | with a campaign to bring
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| back dubstep... together"
B3ta email 777 - 02 Jul 2021
Read this issue backwards to summon web satan:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue777
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: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage
If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
of British sport.
Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
sporting filth every Friday.
https://upshot.email/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than staycation sex tourism guides
* LISTEN TO 30 SECONDS OF AUDIO TO HELP PLANT
A TREE - Matt Gordon writes,
"ThisSongPlantsTrees.com is live now. 100
streams = 1 tree. Would appreciate it if you
put it in the newsletter." Ooh this is a neat
idea, using the revenue generating ability of
Spotify to plant trees. So yeah, fuck it, this
can go in.
https://ThisSongPlantsTrees.com
* CENTURIES OF SOUND 1936 - now that Zuowan's
project to catalogue every year with recorded
sound is creeping into the almost modern era
we're hitting B3ta photoshop stalwarts like
Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin. Hooray!
https://centuriesofsound.com/2021/06/14/1936/
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely jeans. Or a hat. Or a shirt.
You like wearing clothes don't you? Or are you
a weirdo that goes to job interviews naked?
Well if you're the former, buy the best
clothes with Hebtro dot com, they're made in
the UK and they last a long time because
they're not shit.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Shit confessions, fessed up, for likes
Each week we ask you spit lies and fantasy
into a box and we publish the bits that
vaguely amuse us - the best in the last seven
days:
* WOOF - "My husband takes a supplement every
day for his joints. What he does not realise
is that it's actually for old dogs. I refill
the original bottle bought from the chemist.
Saves a fortune and am sure his hair is more
glossy."
* LOOK! - "When I was on holiday in Spain aged
about 12 I took a poo in the hotel lobby
toilet and I wouldn't flush. The cleaner was
there, so I called them into the cubicle to
see at the problem. I pointed at my stool,
they looked, I hit the flush, and it went down
first time."
* OH SHEET! - "My wife came home after staying
2 nights at her sister's house & she was
massively impressed at how well I'd made the
bed. Truth is, I got pissed & fell asleep on
the sofa on both nights, so she's admiring her
own work."
Join the 151,000 people who should know
better:
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content from the great internet unwashed
* MAKE NEW LEGO FROM YOUR OLD LEGO - Brickit
is an app that'll scan your pile of old shitty
Lego and tell you what new things you can make
from it. We're installing it now so it's still
on our phones when Lego close it down.
https://brickit.app/
* SWIPES FOR DADDY - collection of Tinder
chats between young women and older men. You
will cringe.
https://www.instagram.com/swipes4daddy/
* TENACIOUS D DOES THE BEATLES - You Never
Give Me Your Money / The End as performed by
Jack Black is a thing of wonder. A man who
never knowingly undersells a performance. We
love him. He's the American Brian Blessed.
https://youtu.be/PLKUfo8RmwI
* GIVE SPOTIFY AN IPOD INTERFACE - get your
nostalgia by playing your tunes via this
virtual iPod whilst having a game of Brick on
the toilet.
https://tannerv.com/ipod/
* ARE YOU GENERATION X OR NOT? This will have
taken 2 minutes to build, but it amused us
that Glitch shared it on their Twitter - the
lesson being that if you can't do impressive
code projects for attention, do silly.
https://genx-or-not.glitch.me
* 30 MINUTE SEX PISTOLS DRAMA - found
ourselves watching this reenactment of the
Pistols’ Grundy interview, no, not the Amish
version, but a drama for Sky. Surprisingly
watchable and what with the coming Danny Boyle
production on the same era, it might be
holding a record for the most reenacted TV
moment. The rotters.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: ANON OPIN FINDS THE ROW IT WASN'T LOOKING FOR
Driving controversy ignites the internet
Occasionally @anon_opin has a tweet that
explodes and it wasn't "Rik Mayall would have
been the greatest Dr Who of all time" or even
"Reclining your seat on an airplane means
you're a Tory" but someone saying that people
who haven't learned to drive are burdensome.
Boom. So much chatter. There's a very angry TV
show in this for someone. 700 quote tweets
alone.
https://twitter.com/anon_opin/status/1408529190060...
If you have opinions, remember that @anon_opin
is always there for you to stick your opinions
into the opinion bin.
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: FRIDAY GAME
Doodle Bugs
Are you so good at MS Paint that you can still
draw when each of the colours has its own
unique bug to work around? Really rather
frustrating, so try and channel the spirit of
Bob Ross to keep you calm when playing.
https://doodlebugs.art
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Free quiz ideas for your quizzy bot-bots
* 'ABOUT THIS COMPANY' QUIZ - Can you guess
what a company does from the first paragraph
of their About Us page? Considering so many of
them are absolutely fucking waffle about
"going on a journey" it could be tricky.
* 'SHOULD YOU LAUNCH A PODCAST?' QUIZ - the
answer is no but you're going to do it anyway.
* HOW TORY ARE YOU? You spot a fox - do you a.
Photograph it for social media b. Hunt and
kill it & wipe the blood on your forehead? Etc
etc
Send your web missives into the inbox that we
like to call the winbox.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
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