NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 84: "THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO SPECIAL"
This Week:
* VIDEO - Ouch hurty stuff
* ANIM - Hippo Girl
* PARTY - Come and see
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| pennies for whores"
B3ta email 84 - 11 Apr 2003
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue84/
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: THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO
No. Really. Never.
We're almost lost for words. This home video is
extreme, violent and hilarious. And uses objects
you can find in your own home.
André Fairweather writes -
"Me and some mates got drunk. Then we did some
bad stuff to each other. I am the one called
beast."
What is it? It's pissed up blokes beating each
other up for fun. Ace.
http://makeashorterlink.com/ (WMV file)
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: B3TA PARTY
The Final Plug
It's the party tonight. Come. Oh, and it's above
a Lebanese Restaurant called Tarboush.
Mmmm Lebanese. So there will be some lamb balls
downstairs if you get hungry.
http://www.b3ta.com/party/easter.gif
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: HIPPO GIRL
I love you
Joel Veitch writes -
"I've written a song for the special lady
in my life.
"I'm not very attractive so I take what I can
get. Even hippos. You like?"
Yes we do. It's a great song Joel. It makes
us laugh. And wank furiously.
http://www.rathergood.com/hippo/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Kittens, Bush & Drugs
>> Awww. Sleepy Kittens <<
"Aren't cats cute?", writes Rob Manuel,
"Especially little, sleepy ones. I've made
a slide show of my favourites and written
a song on why they are so useless at getting
stuff done."
http://b3ta.com/sleepy-kittens/
>> Bush Speech Writer <<
Matthew Woodman's Flash toy does what it says
on the tin: You can arrange phrases to make
George W Bush say whatever you want. The idea
has been done before, but this is a really nice
execution of it.
http://www.actofme.co.uk/bush_speech/bushspeechwri...
>> Pot Or Not <<
In the great tradition of b3ta either/or
quizzes, Nathaniel Levan has made a quiz
to test your drug identification skills:
can you tell a marijuana leaf from a spider
plant?
http://www.howardandpeanut.com/potornot/
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: THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO II
Sticking fireworks to bikes
"BMX + Rockets = Mucho fun" writes Gavin Ashton.
And he's not wrong. Not sure if it makes you
go any faster but it does look fucking cool.
http://g.f.ashton.users.btopenworld.com/rocketbmx....
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: MORE STUFF B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING
Arse, Weebl & Floppy
>> Floppy Disk Spaceships <<
Remember floppy disks? They were the square
plastic things that fitted into that mysteriously
useless slot on your computer. TheTruffleShuffle
has found a use for them: making scale models
of famous spacecraft.
http://sdcc15.ucsd.edu/~mrossmas/recycle.html
>> Drunken Student Arses <<
Bumheading is the new craze sweeping the
nation's student halls. But that's no reason to
hate it. It involves getting your mates drunk
and sticking your bottom in their faces whilst
they sleep. This is in no way homosexual. Thanks
Jyhnln.
http://hometown.aol.co.uk/jyhnln/Bumheads.html
>> Weebl Goes Shopping <<
The latest episode of Weebl & Bob has a nice
tune towards the end. Its creator Jonti
Picking has been walking about B3ta HQ singing
it for about 3 days. We haven't killed him. Yet.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/trim.htm
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: THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO III
DIY tattoos
Ecclesia got herself tattooed without all the
inconvenience of going to a tattooist, or using
proper equipment. She writes, "The guy used a
chopped-up Walkman, 9 volt battery, and a
clicky-pen. It tickled." It looks shit, but
we admire her stupidity.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1017769
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> The Poetry of Donald Rumsfeld <<
The US Secretary of Defence, most famous for
wanting to kick Saddam's butt out of Iraq, is
also an accomplished poet. His work deals
sensitively with existential dilemmas. Well,
perhaps not, but web magazine The Slate has
produced these surprisingly convincing
excerpts from his press statements.
http://slate.msn.com/id/2081042
>> Make Your Own Dancing Freak <<
Choose from a list of creatures, then change
the settings to move bits around and animate
them. With a little effort you could make it
do pretty much anything. We just used the
randomise button and laughed at the parade of
misshapen cavorting abominations. Cool.
http://www.lecielestbleu.com/media/puppettoolframe...
>> Geeks. Look. Something for you. <<
Influenced by Apple's recent 'Switch' campaign,
check out this animated parody ad for the
Linux operating system (much beloved by the...
more technically-inclined). Funny. Has goats.
http://www.ubergeek.tv/switchlinux/
>> Death Star Pong <<
Pleasing variation on the arcade classic
pong. Bloody big bat and tiny targets
makes for an entertaining five minute challenge.
Didn't make us want to wank. At first.
http://rain.prohosting.com/4guitars/arcade/ponglin...
>> Tinned Meat Museum <<
Meat. What is it? Where does it come from?
From tins of course. Fucking 100s of them.
Here are some of the best. Collected by a lady.
http://www.pottedmeatmuseum.com/.
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: THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO IV
Spit alcohol on open flames
Ever wondered what would happen if you spat
a mouthful of absinthe over a burning book?
D the Elder quite obviously has. With
only the aid of some cheap moonshine liquor
and the protection that God gives fools,
he chanced his eyebrows against gigantic
sheets of burning flame.
http://www.brainwrong.com/dc1a/ulthm2.htm
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Modern Fairytale Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted modern fairytales:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fairytales/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Sue Denham' to judge the
entries - here are her 3 faves.
Sue writes -
#1 "Ingmar Bergman's Cinderella - wonderful
idea, great subtitles. I love this to bits.
(hairy canary)
http://b3ta.com/board/1018658
#2 "Sleeping Beauty - so subtle you'd miss it
the first time, this amused me greatly.
(Who Else)
http://b3ta.com/board/1010203
#3 "The boy who cried... - mime jokes are
always good, and this one has just the
right level of vindictiveness." (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/1018839
>> This Weeks Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor Monkeon gave us
the suggestion, "Tabloid Photostories"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tabloidphotostories/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* SHIPPING NEWS TUNE - Braces Tower writes
"my Shipping Forecast tune has made it into
the Radio 4 Presentation Office. Apparently
the presenters featured on it are really
chuffed. So am I."
http://makeashorterlink.com/
* MAN MILK OR MOO MILK - stunningly popular
in Japan. We don't know why. But they loved
it.
http://www.b3ta.com/man-milk-or-moo-milk/
* RATHERGOOD NOMINATED FOR WEBBY AWARD -
Joel Veitch is vaguely concerned
that he's been placed in the 'weird'
section.
http://www.webbyawards.com/main/webby_awards/nomin...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* MORE VIOLENCE - we have a taste for blood
now. What about branding yourself with a
heated coat hanger? You could make a nice
kitten shape on your forehead.
* NERD KNITTING - why not make a Dr Who
scarf? Space invader stockings? Or even
a Pong hat?
* HARDWARE HACKS - can you make your iPod
play Galaxian? Or upgrade your kitten
with gills?
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Zog, Tom Gregory & Fiona.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the seven b4ta dwarfs. (62699)
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Cooking tip: If you are preparing a stew or
soup and have made the dish too salty, simply
throw in a raw potato. The potato will draw
the salt out and salvage that all-important
dinner party.
