NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 87: "CLICKITY YOO-DAR CLICKITY YAY"
This Week:
* VIDEO - Ouch. Hurty fire
* QUIZ - Coke or Cleaner
* VIDEO - Birmingham Baywatch
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're sewing the
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B3ta email 87 - 09 May 2003
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: SETTING PEOPLE ON FIRE
A b3ta educational film for kids
Jesus wept. Some of our readers are mental.
Zyk0tiK writes -
"Well, me and my friends was like, messing
around with aerosols and we was like, 'funny
to set you on fire, Steve,' and I was like,
'Ahha yeah let's do it.' So we did.
"The socks I am wearing in my 'Flame-Proof
Clothing' (consisting of old school jumpers
and socks) melted to my hands and I was in
hospital for two days with burns.
"I had just one skin graft on my palm where
the molten sock had gone to bone. It was
painful but it was fun."
http://members.lycos.co.uk/Zyk0tiK/fire.wmv
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Cocaine, Freaks, Caption Competition
>> Coke or Cleaner <<
"Inspired by the recent Pot or Not quiz,"
writes Matt52, "I pulled together a similar
sort of thing, largely educational in intent,
in the interests of preventing people from
inadvertently ingesting kitchen cleaner during
a night out on the town."
http://www.100free.com/c/cokeorcleaner/
>> Stupid Gaydar Profiles <<
"I'm a regular user of dating site Gaydar,"
writes Slutbarbie, "Some of the users are
utter freaks. I've collected the profiles
of my favourites." Warning: this stuff isn't
exactly safe for work. Or home for that matter.
http://www.mrbdamien.co.uk/aneuraljudges.html
>> Singapore Caption Competition <<
"I publish a comedy magazine in Singapore,"
writes Carl, "Our front cover is a caption
competition and wanted to ask if your readers
could come up with something amusing." We
wouldn't normally run with this, but how often
do you get the chance to be on a magazine
cover in Singapore?
http://www.bantermag.com/capcom.htm
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Stupid 999 Callers <<
Bless the Avon and Somerset police. They've stuck
up recordings of some of the silliest 999 calls
they've received. This is our favourite. A dotty
old lady who's lost her glasses. Poor love
- she's clearly a fucking lunatic.
http://www.avonandsomerset.police.uk/communication...
>> Birmingham Baywatch <<
After last week's "Birmingham, it's not shit"
campaign, the Brummie links have been flooding
in. This is the funniest of the lot. It's a
remake of Baywatch in centre of Birmingham.
http://66.70.181.237/sf/files/baywatch.wmv
>> Find Me A Wife <<
This bloke has been let down by dating
agencies and personal ads, so has decided to
appeal for a special lady with a web page. It's
a tried-and-tested formula for a site and the
appeal is largely in trying to tell if it's
real or not. One of the joys of this version
is the guy's slowly unfolding weirdness.
http://www.wifeodyssey.com
>> Stupid eBay Feedback <<
Ho hum. This guy got a little bored using eBay
and is playing a game of leaving random,
inappropriate feedback to purchases he didn't
even make. Worth a quick look for the inventive
phrasing. All together now, "The Lord only granted
me one child, and she died. Anyway, you were
great. A+A+"
http://makeashorterlink.com/
>> Mewing Americans <<
Auditions were held across the US for a
catfood commercial. Their cat-based jingle
is one of the most fantastically irritating
ever made. This lady is giving it all she's
got, making her look like an utter simpleton.
http://www.meowmix.com/images/video/MeowAlbuquerqu...
>> Babies Vs. Adults <<
A nice online gallery, showing pictures of
children and the adults they became. Quite
sweet really. This geeky chap is our favourite.
http://www.wheniwaslittle.net/index.php
>> Ridiculous Website Concept <<
It must be quite dull being a web designer,
having to build sites to sell crap stuff
all day. So we salute this fellow who, in
his boredom, has crafted one of the most
preposterous front pages ever to grace a
site about pie packaging.
http://www.nichollfoodpackaging.co.uk/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Curry and Cheese Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted films and songs with
curry or cheese badly shoehorned into them:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/curryorcheese/
We asked b3ta boarder 'Baz' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves:
Baz writes -
#1 "Balti Towers - toilet humour is always
funny, and this entry carries on that proud
British tradition. Fantastic! (Dr. Dunno)
http://b3ta.com/board/1134325
#2 "Driving Miss Jalfreze - A wonderfully
contrived title with a great tag-line. Icky.
(jumpy22)
http://b3ta.com/board/1135588
#3 "The Two Towers - A brilliant, literal
entry, symbolising the pain of the artist
forced to conform to an imposed agenda."
(Harry)
http://b3ta.com/board/1138210
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, b3ta boarder Sargant came up with
the suggestion, "Take photos of Real World
Photoshops." Why not cut off someone's head
and swap it with a neighbour's?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/realworld/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* BIRMINGHAM CAMPAIGN SUCCESS - "I was
interviewed by the Sunday Mercury newspaper",
writes Jon Bounds, "and the song got played
on BRMB radio." Yay. We're saving Birmingham
together.
http://www.jonbounds.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jon/brum...
* PHONEBOX WEBCAM - last week we featured a
phonebox with a webcam trained on it. BT has
now barred it from taking incoming calls. Woo.
A fair number of websites we've linked to have
been taken down by the amount of traffic but
never a phonebox before.
http://www.freshlegs.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/fame
* WEB GRAFFITI WALL - Last week we featured a
site where you could draw a picture and
submit it to a massive, random gallery.
Loads and loads of people have drawn
things, so much so that they are running
out of pixels. See it in all its glory:
http://www.blograffiti.com/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* PEOPLE THINGS UP - and getting in
the papers. That would be cool.
* TESTING IMPOSSIBLE THEORIES - the UK
Arts Council recently gave some monkeys a
typewriter (and a grant) to see if they'd
write Shakespeare. Can you see if cats
really have nine lives?
* BOMBS MADE OF TRIFLE - why not blow up
some jelly, custard and sponge? Don't
forget the cream. It's asking for it.
The slag.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Rob Hodges, Elliott Solomon,
Vrlaura, Ade, Electroretro, Dis & Wilesy.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Top Tippery by Dean Perry
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the lezzy b4ta licks. (65699)
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HANDY TIP: When you paint a room, cut an onion
in half and leave in opposite corners of the
room. The room won't smell of onion though
- the onions just suck all the painty smell out
of the air in about 24-48 hours.
