NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 99: "MORRISSEY EXCLUSIVE"
This Week:
* ANIM - Morrissey on Linda McCartney
* QUIZ - Coder or killer
* FRUIT - Secrets of the dollhouse
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
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B3ta email 99 - 1st Aug 2003
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Morrissey, Quiz, Tips, Shopping, Kittens & Arse
>> Morrissey is back <<
"You might not have heard from me for
a few years," honks Morrissey, "I've been
in LA with Mexicans. I've also made a tribute
to Linda McCartney. Better late than never,
I suppose." BTW: He might have been helped
by Richard Crawford. A lot.
http://www.headstaggers.com/flash/linda.html
>> Coder or killer <<
"I've made a quiz," barks Malevole, "It was
inspired by half the pics on programming book
covers looking like something from Crimewatch."
Beautiful design. Ugly people.
http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/
>> Top tips tested <<
You might have noticed that at the end of every
issue we feature a handy hint sent in by a
reader. Usually we don't know if they work or
not - only that they're good. So we were really
pleased when b3ta regular Wifey tried out our
suggestion to get dents out of carpet with an
ice cube. "It works!" she reports. Woo!
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/theWife/ice...
>> Shopping tribute <<
We love shopping. It fills the aching void in our
lives. So does Bovine. Likes shopping, that is.
You'll be impressed by his enthusiastic vocal
performance.
http://www.crapjuggler.co.uk/presco.html
>> Kitten memory game <<
"What about a nice Memory Game?" shrugs
Gallic contributor Yomgaille, "featuring kittens?"
But of course. Le woo.
http://www.yomgaille.com/memory/
>> Arse gallery <<
"I recently became obsessed," leers Lancey, "with
taking photos of statues' arses while I was
backpacking - and now I want contributions
from the rest of the world." Stone, marble, bronze
- he doesn't care as long as it's hard and cold.
http://www.leakybrain.co.uk/ass/AssGallery.php
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Is this real? <<
Scott Wright and Helen Coppard are getting
married and they want the whole world to know.
Their site is a masterpiece of slick design.
But is it too good to be true? Who has time
to organise that when they're sorting out a
wedding? We spent a good half hour debating
whether it's a promotion for yet another reality
show. Why not discuss it among yourselves?
And we'll video you for our new reality show.
http://www.themarriage.co.uk/
>> Anal trippy fruit adventure <<
We were amazed by this. It's a bit like
Fantastic Voyage but in reverse: with shrunken
things outside people's bodies. Well, not really.
Keep clicking 'next' - it gets better.
http://www.accounting-owl.co.uk/asm/oranges/intro_...
>> Man... or giant robot dog? <<
This is a bloke who makes amazing sci-fi costumes.
Here he talks us through how he constructed a big
robot dog suit. Our favourite picture is the one
of him standing proudly in his kitchen wearing
enormous cyber-flares.
http://triggur.org/costume/mech/
>> Cat game compendium <<
Fucking Japs, coming over here, taking our
jobs, making beautifully detailed games
involving kittens. Damn them all to hell.
Let's drop another bomb.
http://ece4co.vis.ne.jp/game.html
>> Fat bastard <<
The ideal hobby for nerds stuck in front of a
computer all day - see how big you can get your
stomach. This bloke's way out in front. We,
on the other hand, are like Greek gods. With
snakes for hair. Mmm. Hiss.
http://hometown.aol.com/dcbeergut/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the New Uses for Children Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted new uses for children:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/children/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Bud Muhnquai' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Mr Muhnquai writes -
#1 "Scarecrow - well executed and possibly the
most sinister image I've ever seen. Imagine
him out there all night.. (Zak McFlimby)
http://b3ta.com/board/1686377
#2 "Psychic Assassins - I love the idea of babies
ending wars with one simple call. (Dan Jaw)
http://b3ta.com/board/1695074
#3 "Crash Test Kid - the look on his little face
as it smashes into the window made me warm
inside. Hmmm. Meat." (StrangeOne)
http://b3ta.com/board/1661817
And a special mention to SkaSlut for a pic that
made me laugh like a drain.
http://b3ta.com/board/1672122
>> This Weeks Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor Freddy Woo gave us
the suggestion, "Regrettable Special Offers"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/specialoffers/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* WANK DATA JUST IN - last week we asked you
about your masturbatory habits. The responses
have been pouring in. Apparently 19% of you
have masturbated over one of your family
members. Whether that's physically or mentally
is a matter for solitary speculation.
http://www.playwithyourself.co.uk/game/html/mdb/st...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* WHAT'S INSIDE MOLES? Our mum told us not to
pull them off, but that doesn't stop us
getting you to do it.
* RADIO STUFF - We're doing a radio show and
we need stuff that wouldn't normally get
airplay. We've already got 60s anti-abortion
songs, Norwegian Teletubbies and Abba in
Hindi. What have you got? Send us your links.
* MORE STUFF - we can make you famous, as Jon
Bon Jovi says in Young Guns. But without the
perm.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
Nick Cory-Wright & David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Stewart Birch, Artamnesia,
Jonti Picking OB1 and Foster.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Top tippery from Ian Vince.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the lissom b4ta lovelies. (68875)
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Handy tip: To hide scratches on polished wood,
crack open a walnut, discard the shell and
gently rub the oily inside of the nut itself
on the affected area. The oils in the walnut
will help to conceal the scratch.
