My grandmother is not known as a top chef.One of her most memorable meals was 'spaghetti bolognaise'. This consisted of spaghetti that had been boiled for a day or two, until it was as thick as a man's wrist, a deathly white colour, and dissolved when it was touched by moderately strong air currents.
The sauce really had two components. Part one was the mince. This was basically the filling of a shepherd's pie. Mince and gravy. Not even nice gravy. I suspect it had been boiled. Now obviously, your spaghetti bolognaise needs a tomato based sauce. Why go to the bother of making your own, when the good people at Heinz will make it for you. They call it 'Tomato Ketchup', but it's basically a tomato sauce, right? So, layer the ghost of spaghetti, mince and gravy, and top off with ketchup (I lied about Heinz to impress you. This was almost certainly Wilko's or Kwik Save's own make). Well, that may be nice enough, but what's missing? The vegetables! So, serve your 'spaghetti walkeraise' with a nice hearty side order of winter cabbage, boiled for a week, to remove all trace of vitamins, colour, taste and texture. Mmmmm-mmmm!
(The sauce really had two components. Part one was the mince. This was basically the filling of a shepherd's pie. Mince and gravy. Not even nice gravy. I suspect it had been boiled. Now obviously, your spaghetti bolognaise needs a tomato based sauce. Why go to the bother of making your own, when the good people at Heinz will make it for you. They call it 'Tomato Ketchup', but it's basically a tomato sauce, right? So, layer the ghost of spaghetti, mince and gravy, and top off with ketchup (I lied about Heinz to impress you. This was almost certainly Wilko's or Kwik Save's own make). Well, that may be nice enough, but what's missing? The vegetables! So, serve your 'spaghetti walkeraise' with a nice hearty side order of winter cabbage, boiled for a week, to remove all trace of vitamins, colour, taste and texture. Mmmmm-mmmm!
Geordie Al,
Thu 9 Oct 2003, 11:24,
archived)