Worse Fatmate ever*^^^^^^^^^^^*
NOT A TYPO!
You got pick this one for your radio!! I dare anyone to Beat this one.
Ok, at uni, Lived with the thickest skankiest b*stard ever.
Ok we shall start with, he told us that he was german, but yet his surname was 'stevens' and both his parents were scottish, we asked for proof but he said that he didnt have a normal passport, he had a NATO passport and its was classified, so he couldn't show it to anyone. This was due to being in the army in excess of 20 years, even tho he was just 21, such a prodigy must of been recruited in the womb!!
He claimed to have expert knowledge in everything, even tho he was doing a foundation course in engineering, he was only doing this to get 'back to basics' He went as far as to argue with me over some phonetic aspects of the portuguese language, he also tried to teach me some portuguese pronunciation, unknowing to him that im fluent in the language, and wouldnt accept when i told him he was wrong, he said that i must of learnt it outta some 'average language book', well actually i learnt it from my parents, but hey who am i to argue with such a GENIUS!
He claimed that he was quite buff (fat B*stard), he also claimed that he could lift in excess of 90 Kg (roughly 180 lbs) with one arm alone, This was followed by his claim that he managed to complete an army's Basic fitness test (an assault course and a 5 mile run) in 15 minutes, this man was a machine!!
OK then this brings us on to, his personal hygiene, he was seen to shower only twice in the year that he lived with us, and also he claimed to have piles, which meant he couldnt sit down properly, wich led us to finding lots of poo on the actual toilet seat itself.
Now, comes the cooking, his favourites include fried black pudding on spaghetti laced with vinegar, and once he tried making 'honey roast ham' by placing some bacon, oil and honey in a frying pan, and then promptly placing the whole thing in the oven to 'roast'. He once asked for advice on how to thicken up a stew' which we was advised to mix a table spoon of flour with water to make a paste, then add it to thicken the stew, he was later that evening reported to be mixing some flour and water, on the spoon it self and moaning that there wasnt enough room on the spoon for such an activity.
Ooh, he went to get a tatoo of a dragon on his lardy arm, later the same day came back with half a dragon, he said that it looked more original that way, later found out from the tattoo guy himself that he cried so much, they had to stop and he had agreed to go back later to finish the tatto but he never actually returned.
He actually stayed 3 months longer than the tenancy agreement intended, he moved out 3 days before the new person ahd to move in, in which we had to repaint the room, hoover the carpet 4 times and and febreeze the whole place, the landlord was so disghusted by the state of his crusty bed, he actually went out and bought a new one.
When he did his washing he would leave his 'skid' riden boxers drying in the kitchen radiator for all to see. Oh, and when he went out 'moshing' he always wore the same outfit, some leather trousers that looked way too tight, a single leather waistcoat and a white bandana, he dressed this way because it made him look 'suspicious'. What a w*anker!!
These are just some of the things i remember.
He may be known by me.Ack, i know someone just like him. not my flatmate, one of my friend's. He also had half a tatoo (no dragon, a nude lady. AAAA! RUN!) which he flexed at my friend sometimes and said "come one, get some watermelon!" He was the same way. Never knew him too well, he moved out quick when he met her biker/gun toting boyfriend.
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Wed 19 Nov 2003, 21:30,
archived)