Uni Flatmate's of PURE EVIL1st Year at Uni
I lived with a Jesus Freak. I didn’t have a problem with his beliefs, just the Bible Reading Meetings and Hymn Singing Sessions he would have every Saturday and Sunday morning in our Kitchen at about 8am. I was a typical boozing student, so I would have a raging hangover. I took to wandering into the kitchen wearing Cradle of Filth T-t-shirts and playing Slayer till he got the message
2nd Year
The Mental Bitch. Played Drum’n’Bass at top volume at 3am, and cunningly placed her speakers on the floor so the room below (ie ME) got the full joy of bass when I was trying to sleep.
When she wasn’t having noisy sex with her b/f she was arguing with him, and every time he stormed out she would knock the bin over, spilling manky food all over the floor. She would refuse to clean it up because it “reminded her of him”. She also NEVER paid the rent on time, and refused to pay her share of the bill until she had a photocopy of it “for her records”. She was convinced I was trying to swindle her.
3rd Year
The Clean Freak. Thomas cuts up the packaging from bread to use as makeshift gloves to pick up pasta from the plughole in the sink – he is terrified of germs. He has a pathological fear of insects, so much so he scalded my legs with boiling water after knocking a pan off the stove to avoid one.
He has psycho mentalist tendencies, including smashing a cupboard that belonged to our landlord up with a hammer after he failed to put together a piece of IKEA crap.
He has 4 showers PER DAY. He has rotted the carpet in the bathroom as he refuses to use the bathmat when getting out of the shower.
He has every episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer on video and watches them constantly. He is too embarrassed to buy porn so steals ours. He reads the Daily Mail. The only CD he ever listens to is The Beach Boys.
He washes his clothes EVERY DAY and overloads the washing machine so it shakes the entire house. He often does this at midnight.
He is obsessed with lesbians. The very mention of the word makes him run upstairs to his room to masturbate.
He only cooks fish – and somehow manages to make it stink out the entire house.
Why am I still living with this fool?
(,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 16:20,
archived)
I lived with a Jesus Freak. I didn’t have a problem with his beliefs, just the Bible Reading Meetings and Hymn Singing Sessions he would have every Saturday and Sunday morning in our Kitchen at about 8am. I was a typical boozing student, so I would have a raging hangover. I took to wandering into the kitchen wearing Cradle of Filth T-t-shirts and playing Slayer till he got the message
2nd Year
The Mental Bitch. Played Drum’n’Bass at top volume at 3am, and cunningly placed her speakers on the floor so the room below (ie ME) got the full joy of bass when I was trying to sleep.
When she wasn’t having noisy sex with her b/f she was arguing with him, and every time he stormed out she would knock the bin over, spilling manky food all over the floor. She would refuse to clean it up because it “reminded her of him”. She also NEVER paid the rent on time, and refused to pay her share of the bill until she had a photocopy of it “for her records”. She was convinced I was trying to swindle her.
3rd Year
The Clean Freak. Thomas cuts up the packaging from bread to use as makeshift gloves to pick up pasta from the plughole in the sink – he is terrified of germs. He has a pathological fear of insects, so much so he scalded my legs with boiling water after knocking a pan off the stove to avoid one.
He has psycho mentalist tendencies, including smashing a cupboard that belonged to our landlord up with a hammer after he failed to put together a piece of IKEA crap.
He has 4 showers PER DAY. He has rotted the carpet in the bathroom as he refuses to use the bathmat when getting out of the shower.
He has every episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer on video and watches them constantly. He is too embarrassed to buy porn so steals ours. He reads the Daily Mail. The only CD he ever listens to is The Beach Boys.
He washes his clothes EVERY DAY and overloads the washing machine so it shakes the entire house. He often does this at midnight.
He is obsessed with lesbians. The very mention of the word makes him run upstairs to his room to masturbate.
He only cooks fish – and somehow manages to make it stink out the entire house.
Why am I still living with this fool?