waa! my bloody monitor is broken!So I can't really chop any images... so I'm going to have to make my art textual.
Does this count as threadwastage? I could've met the image-rule by posting the thing as a .gif but I didn't think you'd appreciate that :)
The Tale of Dr. Henry Finch
The fundamental handicap of Dr. Henry Finch
was where most men kept their pride and joy he barely had an inch
which undermined his manhood as you can probably understand
The shame of an amusingly underdeveloped gland.
Watching from his window he despised the well-endowed
and the hustle and the bustle of the normal 6-inch crowd.
Orgasmic screams from the couple next door forced his temperature to rise
'Come on then you fucking bastards I'll cut you all down to size'
Like a madman he grabbed a scalpel and a rusty axe for luck
hell bent on reducing all mankind’s ability to fuck
by trimming off 5 1/2 inches from the average male schlong
thus his disproportionate dangler becomes relatively long.
The first victim was the bobby who lost usage of his truncheon
Then the butcher and the bakers sexual organs ceased to function.
Next the vicar had to pray to god for the loss of his dear friend
as Dr. Henry Finch skilfully cleaved off his bell end.
Panic gripped the men folk and codpieces returned to fashion
as Dr. Henry Finch continued his Heinous crime of passion
a meeting was called and chaos raged as man after man explained
how their todger was removed in a fit of jealous rage
as far as the townsfolk could see there was just one sensible plan
to get the vicious bastard as soon as they possibly can.
so the enraged mob by torchlight gathered that very night
determined not to lose their shafts without giving a fight
after an hours searching a scream howled through the night
and the weary penile saviours beheld a terrifying sight
the village drunk was stumbling around blood pouring from his groin
never again would the village whore drink the seed from his loin
the riled crowd closed in for the kill and Finch began to sweat
but as long as he had his trusty axe it wasn't over yet!
he sliced and he diced and cursed the crowd with a laugh and a groan
then he realised that in his haste he'd just sliced off his own
The sea of people parted to give the dying man some air
and in his final moments he decided to make clear
that he bore the world no malice or ill fortune or bad luck
just that no woman in the area deemed an inch enough to suck
and as all men will testify that much pent up frustration
combined with religious guidance advising against masturbation
means that sexual frustration is a terrible thing to hide
and for his acts he's truly sorry. and with his apology he died.
I thank you...
(Does this count as threadwastage? I could've met the image-rule by posting the thing as a .gif but I didn't think you'd appreciate that :)
The Tale of Dr. Henry Finch
The fundamental handicap of Dr. Henry Finch
was where most men kept their pride and joy he barely had an inch
which undermined his manhood as you can probably understand
The shame of an amusingly underdeveloped gland.
Watching from his window he despised the well-endowed
and the hustle and the bustle of the normal 6-inch crowd.
Orgasmic screams from the couple next door forced his temperature to rise
'Come on then you fucking bastards I'll cut you all down to size'
Like a madman he grabbed a scalpel and a rusty axe for luck
hell bent on reducing all mankind’s ability to fuck
by trimming off 5 1/2 inches from the average male schlong
thus his disproportionate dangler becomes relatively long.
The first victim was the bobby who lost usage of his truncheon
Then the butcher and the bakers sexual organs ceased to function.
Next the vicar had to pray to god for the loss of his dear friend
as Dr. Henry Finch skilfully cleaved off his bell end.
Panic gripped the men folk and codpieces returned to fashion
as Dr. Henry Finch continued his Heinous crime of passion
a meeting was called and chaos raged as man after man explained
how their todger was removed in a fit of jealous rage
as far as the townsfolk could see there was just one sensible plan
to get the vicious bastard as soon as they possibly can.
so the enraged mob by torchlight gathered that very night
determined not to lose their shafts without giving a fight
after an hours searching a scream howled through the night
and the weary penile saviours beheld a terrifying sight
the village drunk was stumbling around blood pouring from his groin
never again would the village whore drink the seed from his loin
the riled crowd closed in for the kill and Finch began to sweat
but as long as he had his trusty axe it wasn't over yet!
he sliced and he diced and cursed the crowd with a laugh and a groan
then he realised that in his haste he'd just sliced off his own
The sea of people parted to give the dying man some air
and in his final moments he decided to make clear
that he bore the world no malice or ill fortune or bad luck
just that no woman in the area deemed an inch enough to suck
and as all men will testify that much pent up frustration
combined with religious guidance advising against masturbation
means that sexual frustration is a terrible thing to hide
and for his acts he's truly sorry. and with his apology he died.
I thank you...
Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest,
Wed 8 Jan 2003, 19:12,
archived)
As they always say.......write from your own experiences.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG,
Wed 8 Jan 2003, 19:14,
archived)
anyone got a lutethat could be set to music
( Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology,
Wed 8 Jan 2003, 19:17,
archived)
or a bit of classical guitar...would be cool with a bit of flash storytelling methinks
( Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest,
Wed 8 Jan 2003, 19:35,
archived)
Agreed!A very amusing and well told tale. I kept trying to fit it to "I am the very model of a modern major general" but it doesn't *quite* scan.
Did you write this? Did you have a tune in mind?
(Did you write this? Did you have a tune in mind?
Ratsta,
Wed 8 Jan 2003, 22:41,
archived)
i wrote it yesbut I had 2 things in mind:
'the psychopathic penis remover' (from one of the bottom live plays) and a poem i used to like as a little kid about a little boy who used to eat string ('the chief defect of henry king/ was eating little bits of string' was the first 2 lines i think...)
in fact if you read that poem you'll see the endings of the 2 are very similar...
the 2 got merged in my brain somehow.
('the psychopathic penis remover' (from one of the bottom live plays) and a poem i used to like as a little kid about a little boy who used to eat string ('the chief defect of henry king/ was eating little bits of string' was the first 2 lines i think...)
in fact if you read that poem you'll see the endings of the 2 are very similar...
the 2 got merged in my brain somehow.
Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest,
Thu 9 Jan 2003, 4:02,
archived)