For about a month now,me and my mates from work have been sending dozens of letters to the local paper (Kent & Sussex Courier) about dog poo. We wanted to see how many different variations of the term 'dog poo' would get printed. Thankfully they all were(apart from the 'dog expelled stuff from its anus' one...
I've scanned the last three weeks pages, but here's the initial letter that inspired us to greater heights...
Kent & Sussex Courier 28/02/03
Howard Thompson claimed dog faeces curtailed the enjoyment of walkers on Tunbridge Wells Common (Courier, February 21)
I am sick to death of complainers like Howard. I suspect he doesn't even own a dog and I'm sure he doesn't appreciate how difficult it is to control a hound's bowels in the environs.
I used to carry a poop-scoop, but found them to be totally impractical to carry and use.
Anyway the faeces is good for the earth.
It's moaning minnies like him who tread in and spread the mess for everyone else to slip in.
Dogs have as much right as humans to use the common.
Nancy Bellis,
Queens Road
Tunbridge Wells
Courier 07/03/03
Courier 14/03/03
Courier 21/03/03
(,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:02,
archived)
I've scanned the last three weeks pages, but here's the initial letter that inspired us to greater heights...
Kent & Sussex Courier 28/02/03
Howard Thompson claimed dog faeces curtailed the enjoyment of walkers on Tunbridge Wells Common (Courier, February 21)
I am sick to death of complainers like Howard. I suspect he doesn't even own a dog and I'm sure he doesn't appreciate how difficult it is to control a hound's bowels in the environs.
I used to carry a poop-scoop, but found them to be totally impractical to carry and use.
Anyway the faeces is good for the earth.
It's moaning minnies like him who tread in and spread the mess for everyone else to slip in.
Dogs have as much right as humans to use the common.
Nancy Bellis,
Queens Road
Tunbridge Wells
Courier 07/03/03
Courier 14/03/03
Courier 21/03/03
Dogs have as much right as humansto use the public loos
Well Said Guy Jonston btw - the unemployed should be made to clean up dog mess in order to get their benefits.
(Well Said Guy Jonston btw - the unemployed should be made to clean up dog mess in order to get their benefits.
Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:04,
archived)
most public loosare horrible, i wouldn't let my dog poo in them.
(
Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:06,
archived)
Nancy BellisNeeds to be hounded.
And every living dog ever as well.
Here's how to get rid of dog poo.
1) Gun
2) Kill dog with gun
3) Replace with Cat (not a dumbass like a dog)
4) feed dog carcass to cat!
(,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:05,
archived)
And every living dog ever as well.
Here's how to get rid of dog poo.
1) Gun
2) Kill dog with gun
3) Replace with Cat (not a dumbass like a dog)
4) feed dog carcass to cat!
but catsjust bugger off until they need feeding.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:06,
archived)
What a lovely little project.Did you mention white dog poo, which mysteriously isn't seen anywhere any more? (for some reason, I used to think that it came solely from poodles)
( 100% of Gibbon,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:06,
archived)
Will do!Any more suggestions for alternate terms would be greatfully received.
My favourite so far is "dog ordure"
(,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:08,
archived)
My favourite so far is "dog ordure"
I shall rack my brains this evening,and come up with more euphemisms than you can swing a kitten at. Schnauzer Droppings, for example.
( 100% of Gibbon,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:14,
archived)
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(,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:23,
archived)
Names for Dog PooMy Irish friends name for dog shit is the best... 'Doggy Pukker'
(,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 12:14,
archived)
White Dog Poo1. I moderate the Sunderland Message Board (somebody has to) and white dog poo has long been a favourite off topic. Since I was small in the 50s until my nephew moved out in the 80s, a footpath through our estate north of Sunderland was a favourite dumping ground (if you'll pardon the pun) for dogs. Until now we were generally agreed that the phenomenon no longer occurred and that perhaps this was due to the more balanced nature of dog food. What a joy to know it can still be found. You lucky people.
2. My daughter must have been about two when, one day, I returned home for lunch, stepped out of the car and she greeted me with "Daddy, you are in the doggy doo." Of course I immediately checked my boots. Clean. I got in the house and was greeted by a tirade. Apparently I was in the dog HOUSE, not the dog doo (I forget why). But the term dog doo has stuck.
(,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 12:29,
archived)
2. My daughter must have been about two when, one day, I returned home for lunch, stepped out of the car and she greeted me with "Daddy, you are in the doggy doo." Of course I immediately checked my boots. Clean. I got in the house and was greeted by a tirade. Apparently I was in the dog HOUSE, not the dog doo (I forget why). But the term dog doo has stuck.
they used to put lots of chalk in dog foodi belive. then it was banned.
( Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:08,
archived)
or mysterious, furry poosI used to tell my brother they were squirrel tails
( munkt0n,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:10,
archived)
that was the plan...we both thought pooh sticks was a game that involved dogsmuck on the end of a stick..
( munkt0n,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:15,
archived)
Why.......do people say that? I see loads of white dog poo in the summer!
( DancesWithWeezils,
Fri 21 Mar 2003, 18:21,
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"dog egg"I am trying not to laugh as I am in a class of people taking an exam..
(,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 12:24,
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That onegot me too.
How about Dog Log??
(How about Dog Log??
D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine....,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 12:34,
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Whit turdsI have been told white dog poo is not common due to the fact that most owners take their dog turds home to crustate.
Or there are a lot of kids playing poo-sticks.
(,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 12:58,
archived)
Or there are a lot of kids playing poo-sticks.
White dog poo sitingIn London. I saw some in Harrow!!
So impressed was I that I stopped to take a picture (much to the embarrassment of my bloke) with my crappy digital camera, but annoyingly it didn't come out. BUT IT IS OUT THERE. I saw it with the eyes in my head that I look through!
(,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 17:59,
archived)
So impressed was I that I stopped to take a picture (much to the embarrassment of my bloke) with my crappy digital camera, but annoyingly it didn't come out. BUT IT IS OUT THERE. I saw it with the eyes in my head that I look through!
Whit dog poopI have been told by a friend that whit dog poo is not commonly available due to owners taking their dogs gifts home and letting them crustate there.
Or there are a lot of kids playing poo-sticks.
(,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 13:02,
archived)
Or there are a lot of kids playing poo-sticks.
Dog Eggs LOLJust the fact that between you you managed to get "dog egg" in there makes me p*ss with laughter.
As for the silly tart saying dog bob is good for the ground.. what an utter fucktard.
-=Phoo=-
(,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 13:12,
archived)
As for the silly tart saying dog bob is good for the ground.. what an utter fucktard.
-=Phoo=-
best use of papers everIf I had a hat, it would be taken off to you.
In the meantimne, here's an old one a friend of mine did in The Irish Independant, posing as a crazed priest alá Fr Ted... :)
(In the meantimne, here's an old one a friend of mine did in The Irish Independant, posing as a crazed priest alá Fr Ted... :)
WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 13:17,
archived)
Absolutely hilariousDog Lodestones.
Laughed so much I've had to clear up after myself.
(Laughed so much I've had to clear up after myself.
A good man, and thorough,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 14:35,
archived)
What about "Canine Cack" or "Dirty Doggy Drops"?.
( thethingfromanotherworld,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 17:33,
archived)
**Update**I didn't scan today's Courier as we didn't get a chance to send any letters last week.
There were a few "real" complaints about 'Guy Johnson' suggesting that the unemployed should be made to pick up dog eggs or lose their benefit - but that's all.
I promise to do better next week - we are currently trying to organise a protest march, "Residents Against Dog Ordure" - you'll be the first to know the details.
Oh and thanks B3ta. Hope it inspires more sauciness.
(,
Fri 28 Mar 2003, 18:36,
archived)
There were a few "real" complaints about 'Guy Johnson' suggesting that the unemployed should be made to pick up dog eggs or lose their benefit - but that's all.
I promise to do better next week - we are currently trying to organise a protest march, "Residents Against Dog Ordure" - you'll be the first to know the details.
Oh and thanks B3ta. Hope it inspires more sauciness.