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NEWSLETTER: "LIKE TWO FRIED EMBASSIES"

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This Week:
* KICKSTARTER - iControl 2 - please donate!
* CYRIAK - Makes music video
* FINANCIAL CRISIS - Trivialised in GIF format

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving our poos in     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   buckets because they're
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    too good to waste"

B3ta email 546  - 14 Sept 2012
(5 years ago today? Northern Rock bank run)

Read this issue with a mouth full of penis:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue546

  Untwats :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Twats : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
 
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: SPONSORED LINK (AMAZON TAT)
  Car Seat Desk

  A PC desk that you can fit to your car. Worth
  it for the last image on the right.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0014BYKVO/b3ta-20


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than making sweet, sweet love

  >> Donate to iControlpad project <<
  Long term B3tan and GP32 importer Craig
  Rothwell has a plan. He's making an open-source
  keyboard and joystick for the iPhone, iPad and
  Android phones and tablets. He needs your help
  by pledging a quid or two via Kickstarter. Go
  on, help him out. Or, if you can't donate
  directly, make sure you tell people about it.
  Vid on Kickstarter contains Craig's lovely wife,
  if that persuades you to have a nose?
http://kck.st/PpPyKw


  >> Dull news in local newspapers <<
  Poor old newspapers still need to fill pages,
  even when there's nothing interesting going on.
  "If you like your news dull," murmurs
  Scaryduck, "I guarantee this site will MAKE YOU
  SOIL YOUR TROUSERS! MARVEL at toasters catching
  fire, grass actually growing and other
  EXCITEMENTS." 
http://dniln.blogspot.co.uk/


  >> This Glorious Monster <<
  "Hey hey," emotes loego. "A few weeks back we
  started a new sketch thing, called This
  Glorious Monster. This is the first of four
  little films we made. Hope you enjoy."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/This_Glorious_Monster


  >> Greybloke knows how is babby formed <<
  "This one is suitable for your kids," boasts
  somegreybloke. Well... sort of suitable.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Good_morning_b3ta:3


  >> Project Sausage Drone - Sausage Drop! <<
  "I've finally got stage 2 of the sausage drone
  project completed!" trills tow-headed tyke Joel
  Veitch. Thus follows a parade of charmingly
  violent failure. Will he finally achieve the
  ability to air-drop sausages with parachutes?
  Only one way to find out. Two, really, if you
  count just straight-up asking the guy.
http://bit.ly/PpPBGn


  >> Cyriak leaves & twigs <<
  It's once again the season when Cyriak builds a
  luxurious nest in which to incubate his eggs.
  Also, "I've made a video for a band called El
  Ten Eleven. It's not as horrible as my usual
  stuff but don't let that put you off!" he
  gleefully scribbles.
http://bit.ly/PpPHxP


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Worst Person For The Job
 
  Mass unemployment? Check. And yet these people
  still have a job:
http://b3ta.com/questions/worstpersonforthejob/

  * GEESE - "Christmas time was a-coming and the
  geese on the farm were getting fat. There
  weren't many, perhaps fifty or so, and they'd
  been rounded up into a barn to be dealt with.
  The farmer briefed Gavin on his role, "The
  whatdoyoucallit is leant up 'gainst the side
  wall." Meaning the broom handle: to kill a
  goose you lay the neck on the ground, put the
  broom handle across, stand on it and pull to
  break the neck. Gavin returned after not a very
  long time. "That was quick Gav, how'd you get
  it done so fast?" "Well, I haven't quite tidied
  up yet, thought I'd wait 'til it's calmed down
  a bit in there." "Calmed down? What do y..."
  Farmer looked up from what he was doing and saw
  Gavin stood there. He immediately ran to the
  barn. There was the broom handle, still leant
  against the wall. Leant up against the other
  wall was a very bloody... scythe. It was
  carnage, total carnage. Fucking blood
  everywhere with still twitching, violently
  fluttering headless corpses all over the barn."
  (oneinthepink)

  * SPEELCHECK - "A friend was applying for a job
  position, and so had written a covering letter.
  Not being the world's best speller, the result
  was a swathe of red squiggles, which he fixed
  by accepting the spell checker's default
  suggestion every time. This proved somewhat
  unwise, as he ended up submitting an
  application letter that opened: "Dear Mr Smith,
  I am appalling for the job of..."
  (FiftyThreeEleven)

  * SHEEP - "A couple of friends and I went out
  for a day in Dorset, where there are quite a
  lot of sheep - hundreds, in fact - and they run
  about freely with no fear of humans. Bad news
  for one friend. On seeing the sheep running
  towards him, he ran in the opposite direction,
  emitting shrieks of terror, all the way back to
  the car and wouldn't come out. Of course, we
  took the piss out of him and still do too. His
  job? Animator on Shaun the Sheep." (Dr Skagra)


   >> This Week - B3TA MOST HAUNTED <<
   Ghosts, ghoulies, unexplained bumps in the
   night? Don your internet night-vision-effect
   filter and tell us when you were last scared
   by the unexplained:
http://b3ta.com/questions/mosthaunted/


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> The US financial crisis solved GIF format <<
  Impressive stuff, even though we couldn't
  actually follow the argument, because of all
  the happy, dancing Tom Haverfords and Game of
  Thrones characters.
http://read.bi/PpPJph


  >> Livetweeted acid trip <<
  Genial hippy tweets us through his
  drug-filtered frat party barbecue. 
http://storify.com/angelandaddict/brad-does-acid


  >> Bad kids' books <<
  Lols a-plenty, in collected covers from the
  imaginary library of the world's worst
  children's literature.
http://www.bobstaake.com/badchildrensbooks/


  >> Disney/hip-hop megamix <<
  It's a 77-minute, musical extravaganza, clearly
  aiming for fans at both ends of the Boing Boing
  nerd spectrum. Could that be you?
http://bit.ly/Sfg1Le


  >> Arse or bishop? <<
  Can you identify the obscured pictures, or are
  you some sort of irreligious charlatan?
http://bit.ly/HQMmXi 


  >> Don't kill yourself <<
  Comedian @ChrisGethard responds, in epic
  fashion, to an anonymous fan, who asked if he'd
  ever had suicidal thoughts.
http://bit.ly/PpPNoU


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  The LaserDisc you don't turn over every 30 mins

  * EPIC BUS COMMERCIAL - Thatcher once said, "A
  man who, beyond the age of 26, finds himself on
  a bus, can count himself as a failure". This is
  Denmark saying, "Fuck you, Mags!"
http://bit.ly/OuFzIW


  * DIANA ROSS SINGS GRANDSTAND THEME - one of
  those mash-ups that are popular with people who
  think they are popular with the kids. Almost
  doesn't work, but somehow does - which is the
  essence of when these things are really
  enjoyable.
http://youtu.be/RfvIkDYnNR4 


  * VAMPIRE DOG - Not a film you probably want to
  see, but the trailer is pretty entertaining.
http://bit.ly/OuFDrY


  * COLD WAR iPHONE UNBOXING - if you miss Cold
  War Russia-is-shit propaganda then have we got
  lols for you.
http://bit.ly/OuFHbj


  * FAN-MADE DORITOS COMMERCIAL - Cunning, old
  crisp company gets internet people to make
  their ads for free but, hey, we got a giggle
  out of it. But you shouldn't eat the crisps, as
  they'll give you what the Guardian is calling
  "diabetes type III" - their new fashion-forward
  name for Alzheimer's. 
http://youtu.be/r6lG2ule0_Q 


-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  I saw her standing there

  Lovely indie game featuring romance, zombies
  and rotten guitar playing.
http://armorgames.com/play/13213/i-saw-her-standing-there


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from kids' TV/slasher movie challenge

  Last week, we asked you to make favourite kids'
  films dark, despicable and violent. You did not
  disappoint. Your favourites included:
 
  * TOY STORY 4 - Pixar prove to be a bit cunty.
  (HappyToast)
http://b3ta.com/board/10842481

  * HENRY'S CAT: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER -
  explains why we haven't seen Chris the Rabbit
  on our screens recently. (EMV-1138)
http://b3ta.com/board/10842344
 
  * MR LECTER - would quite like to see a few
  more pages from this actually. (Barryheadwound)
http://b3ta.com/board/10842461

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/slasherkids/popular/


  >> New challenge: What lies beneath <<
  In a week where the corpse of Richard III was
  discovered under a car-park in Leicestershire
  (possibly), it seems timely to ponder what
  interesting objects might find be found beneath
  the surface of other places and things. And
  then turn that pondering into an image
  challenge.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/whatliesbeneath/popular/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

 Make something cool and tell us about it. If
 you are in it then people will see your stuff.

 Things we'd really like to see include... ah fuck
 it, let's make up some policies we'd actually like
 to see, if we were in government.

 * FREE PUBLIC TRANSPORT - if you could get
 around this country without it costing a
 fortune, it would take pressure off London
 housing stock and it would make it easier to
 live outside of town and work in town. And it
 should be pink.
 
 * FREE CHILDCARE - the number one reason why
 women drop out of the labour market? Childcare
 costs a fortune - often more than many jobs pay.
 And the kids should be made to work treadmills
 to create free electricity.
 
 * HOW TO PAY FOR IT? - Actually tax the rich
 properly. That's how it was done before and it
 could be done again. Also, we should tax nipples.


 Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

 BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
 been featured then don't be put off - we look
 at everything you send us.


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   Muckers: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Fuckers: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

 THANKS:
 This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
 Stevenson. Stuff sent in by &#8207;@DFLamont,
 @Matt_Muir, @wonky_donky, @Thomas_Newton,
 @jamesmcgraw, Tab Hunter, weaver, Simon,
 @HungryHatter, @andylewisuk, @riverghostery,
 @nothingreal, @mr_nugent Image challenge by
 Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
 Top tip by NoStrings. Subjlols via A Vagabond.

-------------------------------------------------

 TOP TIP:
 Convince your friends and family that you are a
 hedgehog by drinking milk and pooing yourself to
 death.

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