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This Week:
* KITTENS - why do we like them?
* 12 x TABLE - why do we learn it?
* ACTRESSES - why do we explode them?

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We've shaving the yak,     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   together, since 2001"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta email 587  - 28 Jun 2013

Read this issue in the bath and get electrocuted: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue587 

   Friends :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Bastards : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  The Goatee Shaving Template
  
  No, you didn't read "goatse" but, still, this
  item is totally weird. Right?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B001F2B3P8/b3ta-21
  
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than making hayfever snot

  >> Jellytext <<
  Our lovely chum &#8207;@mattround has been riffing on
  the rubbish old text system we had on TVs before
  the modern miracle of the Red Button.
http://mattround.com/jellytext/ 


  >> Trippy Bloc Party video <<
  "Finally", writes Mutated Monty AKA Cyriak, "I
  got to make a video for a band I had actually
  heard of!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/video_I_made_for_Bloc_Party


  >> Shapey Dave <<
  "A kids' TV show we were trying to pitch,"
  writes Weebl, "Any television types out there,
  I'd love feedback about where we went wrong!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Shapey_Dave


  >> I Love You So Hard Part 4 <<
  "I love you so hard! I'd do anything for you!"
  writes Joel Veitch. "Part 4  of a collaboration
  between me and Butters. Our demented Lothario
  continues his romantic quest to win the woman of
  his dreams."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Love_You_So_Hard_Part_4


  >> Why we like cat videos <<
  Somegreybloke mulls over the reasons why we love
  to watch video of cute kittens cavorting on the
  internet. Deep.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Why_we_like_cat_videos


  >> A Summer Jam <<
  "Produced on Werkbench, flower pots, snifter, and
  drum machine," writes app producer karls. "At
  least I think that is a snifter." Enjoyable
  seeing music being produced this way, in front of
  your eyes with impromptu samples.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1023548


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Exploding Actresses <<
  Clips of actresses exploding. We shared this
  link earlier in the week and got accused of
  misogyny, but we feel this work is largely comic
  and critical of Hollywood tropes rather than
  hating women. Also, explosions = funny!
http://explodingactresses.tumblr.com/


  >> WWII Pictures shot with Kodachrome <<
  The "old stuff in colour" trope seldom fails to
  entertain. It works because of our delusion that
  the past was more different than we think. Yet
  if you could speak to someone in 1940, their
  feet would have the same aches and their noses
  the same itches.
http://bit.ly/UYn3GA


  >> Facebook competition fail <<
  Fine example of corporate schadenfreude - a
  concept so enjoyable that we could probably
  start a Tumblr called that and have, ooh, 100
  followers within a week. Yay.
http://bit.ly/16BgGQo


  >> Useless everyday objects <<
  Photoshops executed with a deadpan sensibility.
  Sinks with no plugs. Reminds us of old racist
  Irish jokes from the 70s about rubbish
  inventions. Which we won't share as it's no
  longer the 1970s, etc.
http://www.giuseppecolarusso.it/chi_siamo.html


  >> Robert Downey Jr pin-ups <<
  Extraordinary, inexplicable, unexpectedly
  arousing. All things we could say about these
  peculiar photoshops.
http://bit.ly/19GzkIq


  >> The 90s button <<
  Push in David Hasselhoff's face to dispense a
  steady stream of 1990s music video hits.
http://the90sbutton.com/ 


  >> Is there any point to the 12 times table? <<
  Mathematical examination of why it's basically
  pointless bothering to learn the 12 times table.
  With graphs!
http://bit.ly/1aObTOU


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Social Media Meltdowns

  Last week we asked if you'd ever said something
  you regretted on the internet. A barrel of fish
  meets a friendly shotgun here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/socialmediameltdowns/

  * SYMPATHY - "My friend 'Rob' (which actually is
   his name, I'm going for the double bluff)
   suffered an unfortunate sequence of events that
   led him to hint in a Facebook update that he was
   going to kill himself. His girlfriend had left
   him, his Crohn's was flaring like the sun, and,
   worst of all, he was a Proper Ginga. Born that
   way. The hints of suicide started about 2am,
   grew steadily more blatant, and around 5am he
   swallowed a mixture of massive and legal drugs,
   and signed off with a quote. 'Goodbye, and
   thanks for all the fish!' Amidst the worried
   messages was this priceless gem: 'It's "So long,
   and thanks for all the fish." Get it right.'"
(searlichek)

  * PARANOIA - "I had someone ask me to remove a
   picture I'd posted from a party once because you
   could see their kid in the background. I thought
   it was a bit weird but I obeyed. She then asked
   me if I could make sure the photo had been
   destroyed. I replied that they were being a bit
   OTT and it was a digital photo anyway. She replied
   and said, 'well send me the original digital
   photo!' So I emailed it to her. Presumably she
   deleted it..."
(SnowyTheRabbit)
 
  * SPELIN - "I was in a LinkedIn group which was
   otherwise worthy and businesslike except for one
   contributor in Singapore. Most of her posts were
   normal and to the point, but every once in a
   while she'd her meds and start huge long capslock
   rants about THE ARYANS! ARYANS! were monitoring
   our actions, ARYANS! had superior technology,
   ARYANS! were posing as human beings. This was a
   bit much considering most of us in the group were
   white middle-class Europeans. It took us a while
   to realise that she was ranting rather phonetically
   about ALIENS."
(Bootsthealchemist)

  >> This Week - YUM! <<
  Tell us / show us / send us the best thing
  you've ever cooked or had cooked for you.
  Even if it is a £10 burger.
http://b3ta.com/questions/foodporn/

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like TV but you know, somehow on the web

  >> Smooth Criminal <<
  Turns out the eastern religions were right - to
  redress his karmic imbalance, Michael Jackson
  has been reincarnated as a kitten.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Smooth_Criminal:2


  >> Dancing Optical Illusion <<
  Your mind will be boggled. Prepare for the
  boggling.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dancing_Optical_Illusion


  >> Richard Dawkins LSD extravaganza <<
  From the YT description: "Evolutionary biologist
  Richard Dawkins introduces the Saatchi & Saatchi
  New Directors' Showcase 2013 in Cannes and
  spreads his memes." He does indeed. the true
  madness begins at 4:45.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1022250


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: USVSTH3M
  The "other" project some B3tans are running

  * Pound coin rude word challenge - We've just
  noticed that if you line up the letters on the
  edges of pound coins you can make it spell out
  rude words. Result.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/54017748753/

  * Morrissey reviewing singles in Smash Hits - In
  1984 the editors of the legendary pop music
  magazine invited Morrissey in to review the
  singles. He did a fantastic job. Quotable,
  bitchy and concise. It's like Morrissey invented
  Twitter in the Eighties.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/54008306908/

  * The Infinite Ed Miliband Slash Fiction
  Generator. For reasons that are not entirely
  clear even to us, we have made a website that
  will generate explicit gay erotica about Labour
  leader Ed Miliband. NSFW.
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/slashmiliband/

  We do a daily email of this shit - sign up.
http://bit.ly/ZizxOD


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Fiction/Science Fiction 
  Challenge

  Last week we asked you to turn regular 
  fiction into science fiction. Oh, what 
  fun you had!

  Your favourites included:
 
  * LLOYD: silent clock dangler offered
  assistance by lapsed Jedi (colinr)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10974872
 
  * KANE: multi-legged insect is bad news 
  for Executive Officer (monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10976694
  
  * MARVIN: paranoid android introduces 
  festive psychosis to TV schedule (BubaMan)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10976090
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fiction-science-fiction/


  >> New challenge: Movie Quotes Challenge <<
  This week's challenge is to conjure up 
  visual representations of film quotes: 
  don't name the film, don't mention the 
  quote, just represent it in pictures and 
  see who can guess what it is! Challenge 
  suggested by Smash Monkey
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/movie-quotes/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * A WAY TO PAUSE YOUTUBE VIDS playing in other
  tabs, so we don't have to go frantically
  searching for whatever's making that terrible
  racket.
  
  * A MACHINE THAT AUTOMATES THIS - possibly our
  least-favourite part of newsletter writing after
  Funny Names.

  * WORLD PEACE AND UNIVERSAL EQUALITY. We feel
  like dicks for not wishing for this sooner.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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    Muckers:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Fuckers:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by UTB, Gratch,
  jakedamusss, PhillieJoe, bananaprince,
  &#8207;@sarahmontrose, The Tramp Surveyor, @copybeard,
  @heroswitzerland, SimonJ.
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Subjlols via Redsushi!
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Make your own wasps by sharpening bees. (NoStrings)




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