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This Week:
* CAT FOOD - What's it taste like?
* 80s POP - Test your skills
* STORY - Panini Paedophiles

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____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saying     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |     'the Web'
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|        together"

B3ta email 597 - 6th Sept 2013

Eat this newsletter with some fava beans at: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue597 

   Abs :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Glutes : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Catfood, toothpaste and plasticine ghosts

  >> "I ate cat food" <<
  "It tastes as good as it looks, that's all I
  can say," writes food blogger colmcq2. FYI:
  This is a mid-range catfood and you may find
  more palatable results with Sheba.
http://bit.ly/1dX6XZu


  >> Can you cook with toothpaste? <<
  "I found out!" brags colmcq2, flushed with
  success from eating catfood. But... can you?
  And is it tasty?
http://bit.ly/15Jcc7G


  >> GHOST BURGER: Prologue <<
  "I'm going into my fourth month now on this
  film I'm making," raves splattermation auteur
  leehardcastle. "Rather than a trailer I thought
  I'd post the opening scene as a teaser. So here
  we go, oh and it's a sequel to my segment in
  the ABCs of Death film 'T is for Toilet'!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/GHOST_BURGER_Prologue


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: USVSTH3M
  Some other stuff made by us, or clones of us

  >> 80 Pop Trivia Under Pressure <<
  If you read Smash Hits obsessively in the 80s -
  then this is for you. 
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/80spoptrivia/


  >> Crapper Mapper <<
  We show you 10 toilets from around the world.
  But where, exactly?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/crapper-mapper/


  >> The North of Watford quiz <<
  Ten places on Google StreetView, north of
  Watford Gap. Here’s the question: which city
  are you looking at?
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/north-of-watford/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Not-stalgia

  Last week we asked what things from your past
  were just a little bit shit. Go read Albert
  Marshmallow's revisiting the porn of his youth
  and finding a few home truths:
http://b3ta.com/questions/Thepastwasrubbish/

  * ROBOT - "When I was a nipper I had a favourite
  toy which was this walking robot. It stood a
  tall 10 inches and had a light display in its
  chest. When it was powered up by some batteries
  it would march forward, stop, then do this light
  display and repeat the process. It made a lot of
  noise and looked cool. One day the batteries run
  out. Robot becomes mere quiet plastic statue to
  the 4 year old. Obviously the 4 year old wants
  this resolved so I bring this to the attention
  of my father. This was my fatal mistake. He has
  a look around the house for some batteries but
  he can't find any so... He opened up the battery
  compartment and connected a spare CAR BATTERY
  and flicks the "on" switch. Robot noise went
  berserk. STAMP STAMP STAMP LIGHTS STAMP SMOKE
  STAMP STAMP LIGHTS STAMP FLAMES STAMP LIGHTS
  LIGHTS FLAMES FLAMES FLAMES. The robot ran
  straight into a wall, a lump of disfigured toy
  with the smell of plastic death. 'Oops....err
  ...sorry son,' says dad, who promptly legs it.
  My mum comes upstairs to find me sitting
  blank-eyed, looking at a black stinking skirting
  board pizza-mess saying 'Daddy broke it'"
  (Jeccius)

  * PANINI - "Me and my mate Chris were
  reminiscing about collecting Panini football
  stickers, and had a moment of realisation that
  now we both had full time jobs, collecting the
  full set would be so much easier. A couple of
  £50 purchases each meant we had tonnes of
  stickers in the book and a load of swaps. Of
  course at the age of 30, not so many swappers to
  swap with. But there in the back of the sticker
  album was the answer - they did swap events at
  many football stadiums and our local one was
  only a week away. How we giggled, we would just
  go down and swap away. It would be a hoot. A
  funny story for the chaps and we would fill in
  our albums in one fell swoop ... I have never,
  and will never, look more like a paedophile. We
  wandered around a room full of 10 year old boys
  with our swaps for about 5 mins, enduring the
  suspicious and hostile stares of fathers and the
  worried looks from the staff until we, without
  swapping a single sticker, sloped out of the
  event never, ever to mention it again."
  (aneraseroflove)

  * 1970s - "The 1970s were a wonderful enchanting
  time for me: my childhood decade. As soon as we
  got into the 1980s my wide-eyed childhood
  innocence had gone, spoiled forever with a
  decade's worth of strikes, unemployment, greed,
  hairspray and Lamborghini shoulder pads. The
  1970s should be a time I can look back with fond
  memories of 'It's A Knockout', 'Seaside Special'
  and 'Jim'll Fix It'. 'Top of The Pops' with Dave
  Lee Travis, Gary Glitter, Jonathan King and the
  Jackson Five. Is it a decade I can now look back
  on with fond memories? Is it fuck! All my
  memories are spoiled, tainted, defiled forever."
  (buffet_the_appetite_slayer)
 

  >> This Week - LURID WORK STORIES <<
  Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new
  hires with, or that you've been told that are
  definitely true, honest:
http://b3ta.com/questions/luridstories/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> 5 worst pictures of men and cats <<
  Gloriously crappy, soft-focus shots of men
  who've decided the best way to impress women is
  to utterly surround yourself with kittens. 
http://bit.ly/11THNWr


  >> Shit rough drafts <<
  These terrible 'first drafts' of classic films,
  books and songs will make the edges of your
  mouth curl up.
http://shitroughdrafts.com/


  >> Everything needs more jpeg <<
  All your images looking too smooth these days?
  Add all the artifacting you want with this
  handy online tool. You know you're nostalgic
  for it, so why not indulge?
http://needsmorejpeg.com/


  >> Cyborg GIFs <<
  Weird little part human / part machine
  animations that, we guess, are some sort of
  satire.
http://milosrajkovic.tumblr.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> When twerking goes bad <<
  Is this real? If so, well, OUCH!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CddMD3QqTFs


  >> Drum interpretation of auctioneer <<
  Staccato speech patterns of a slick Southern
  auctioneer, with drum accompaniment. A good
  thing.
http://bit.ly/14xduDu


  >> How to twerk <<
  Ronseal. That horrible, slapping sound is
  permanently burned into our eardrums.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_twerk


  >> How to terrify an interviewee <<
  Pretend that a meteor has destroyed the city.
  We once had a nightmare like this, but we also
  weren't wearing any trousers. And when we woke
  up we were unemployed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ja2__Q52GAU


  >> Chimp enjoys a luxuriant bubble bath <<
  Watch a cute animal frolic for your
  gratification. Her name is Chloe so, at guess,
  she's very middle-class.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uW74OMLIhik


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Creepy Stuff Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to creep us out 
  with your twisted little minds

  Your favourites included:
 
  * FEAR: image dragover trick impenetrable
  to outsiders (c@bbage) 
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11004948
 
  * THATCH: milk-stealing monster unsettles
  nation's children (Fresh Water Mole)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11004731
  
  * PEG: tri-limbed pastor prepares for
  head-spinning face-off (mofaha) 
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11003369
  
  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/creepystuff/


  >> New challenge: Three Pictures on a Theme <<
  Three pictures on a theme: come up with 
  an idea for a bandwagon, create the first 
  three pictures in it, and join in on 
  other people's bandwagons. Challenge 
  suggested by Monkeon.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/3pics/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * SOMEONE FROM YAHOO strung up outside the b3ta
  town hall. At a whimsical angle...
 
  * THE SUN AGAIN. That's enough autumn for us,
  thanks.

  * MORE KILLER BUILDINGS. Roaming free over 
  the city:
http://bit.ly/gz5NFY

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by algoreen,
  Dazz and a host of stars too bright to mention. 
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Subjlols via 
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Save money on soap by losing some weight. (MrOli)

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