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NEWSLETTER: "YAY! THE MAGIC DONKEY LIVES!"

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This Week:
* CAMERON RAPS - cassetteboy's masterpiece?
* LADYBIRD BOOKS - fictional vintage LOLs
* YOUR STORIES - So many stories

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're still alive   
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   actually, just
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     a bit lazy"

B3ta email 639 - 3rd Oct 2014

Read this issue on your Amazon SpyPhone: 
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue639

   Sub : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Snub : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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Follow @b3ta on Twitter for hexy times:
https://twitter.com/b3ta
  
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: FIRST NEWSLETTER IN AGES
 
  We'll be honest with you - running UsVsTh3m is
  taking a lot of time and we've been lazy with
  the newsletter, but lots of people have been
  tweeting and asking where is it so, fuck it,
  here we go, you asked for it, the return of the
  fucking B3ta newsletter.
  

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than bunking off

  >> Cassetteboy - Cameron's Conference Rap <<
  "Just a little thank you to David Cameron for
  legalising the use of copyrighted materials in
  parody videos," writes Cassetteboy. Contains
  swearing. BTW: This change in the law? Your B3ta
  editor went into Parliament and gave evidence on
  this. Almost like a proper grown up.    
http://b3ta.com/links/Cassetteboy_Camerons_Conference_Rap


  >> Slaves of the Rave <<
  Chipping Sodbury writes, "Here's a thing I made..."
http://b3ta.com/links/Slaves_of_the_Rave:2


  >> MS Paint Picture Reenactments <<
  "I ran a photo competition to see if people
  could/would recreate my MS Paint pictures,"
  writes Mr Eraserhead AKA Jim'll Paint It, "I
  was quite surprised to find out that they
  could/did."
http://jimllpaintit.bigcartel.com/photo-challenge


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: BEST OF RECENT USVSTH3M STUFF
  Loads of GOOD THINGS

  * HOW PORNY IS YOUR NAME? - we compare the SFW vs
  NSFW search returns for your name and give it a
  score. Science.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-porny-is-your-name/


  * HOW OLD IS YOUR HEARING? - Find out the true
  age of your lugholes!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-porny-is-your-name/  


  * HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU CLICK IN 3 SECONDS?
  Have you got the fastest fingers on the
  internet? Find out now!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-many-times-can-you-click-in-3-seconds/


  * Or if you want a fuck-load of quizzes - go
  here - you can even create your own.
http://community.usvsth3m.com/  


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: 5 FAMOUS PEOPLE OLDER THAN NIGEL FARAGE

  Despite looking like a twattish retired
  colonel, the home counties Hitler was just 50
  last April. That makes him younger than many of
  your favourite 'Madchester' pop stars. For
  example:

  * Shaun Ryder - 52
  * Ian Brown - 51
  * Graham Massey - 54
  * Tim Booth - 54
  * Clint Boon - 55

  Sobering to think that Farage could have been
  pilled up and shouting, "are you on one UKIP?"
  at the height of Acid House.


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * Classic Ladybird Books of Yesteryear -
  Photoshop mini-lols galore, a classic formula:
  nostalgia made rude.
http://bagofdelights.tumblr.com/post/89652612113/


  * High Sreett shops in sci-fi films - Quite why
  WE never ran this as a competition can only mean
  we're idiots.
http://highstreetshopsinscififilms.tumblr.com/


 * Flowers that look like something else - Yes
 shit that looks like other shit is a tired meme,
 but nature got there first and did it better.
http://emorfes.com/2014/09/27/flowers-that-look-like-something-else-plants-pareidolia


  * Argos catalogues from days of old - Let's say
  your job is making nostalgic lists for nineties
  kids. Start by leafing through this shit.
http://retromash.com/argos/


  * Vomit-inducing Facebook quotations - Because
  literally everyone is awful. EVERYONE. 
http://vomitinducing.tumblr.com/


  * Celebs with a Nigel Farage Smile - Pictures of
  celebrities, but with the smile of a UKIP leader.
http://celebritieswithnigelfaragesmiles.tumblr.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Imagine! TV! On the INTERNET!

  * VOLCANO ERUPTION IN PAPUA NEW GUINEA  -
  dramatic and we're glad we're not in this boat.
http://b3ta.com/links/Volcano_eruption_in_Papua_New_Guinea


  * LIKE WOODWORK? LIKE BOOKCASES? LIKE GHOSTS?
  You're in luck because ghosts make bookcases in
  a haunted workshop. Or maybe it's stop-motion.
http://b3ta.com/links/Like_woodwork_Like_bookcases_Like_ghosts


  * STAR WARS SANS MUSIC - it's er.. not very
  dramatic.
http://b3ta.com/links/AAAAAAOOOOAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH


 * DREADFUL DRUMMER - improves Christian song.
http://b3ta.com/links/Drummer_nails_it_in_church


 * WEIRD HORSE VIDEO - don't ask us.
http://player.vimeo.com/video/107435702


  * WHERE ARE THEY NOW? The cartoon stars of
  yesteryear aren't looking too hot.
http://b3ta.com/links/Where_are_they_now


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Dead Celebs' challenge

  Last week we asked you to show us what the
  celebrity deceased were doing in the afterlife
 
  Your favourites included:

  * Grayson: All those banging doors finally
  explained   (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11101979

  * Rick: Still bothering Eddie  (Frogbeat)
http://b3ta.com/board/11101824
 
  * Tories: Cameron and Thatcher (deceased)
 (Q4nobody)
http://b3ta.com/board/11101863
  
  All these images, and a couple more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/deadcelebs/


   >> New challenge: Victorians <<
  This week we’re going back to when men wore 
  big hats, ladies wore massive skirts and people 
  took photos of their dead children.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/Victorians/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  The missing years
 
  We're still asking questions, the latest was
  about birthdays, but here are some of the best
  answers from the last few weeks you've not
  heard from us.
http://b3ta.com/questions/celebrations/


  * OFFICELOLS - "Many years ago, I was working as
  a temp in some office somewhere doing a non-job.
  I was only there for a couple of months and so
  when a birthday card came round for someone in
  the office I'd never met, I politely declined to
  sign it.

  "The woman organising this gesture looked at me
  like I'd just suggested liquidising a newborn
  baby, and so I caved in and signed it with an
  empty platitude. She then left me with the card
  and instructions to pass it round the office.

  "Of course, I then wandered round the corner
  and gave it to the birthday boy to sign,
  ranting about how the whole thing is fucking
  stupid and how I don't even know the guy."
  (Baggenfock)


  * TRAIN - "Guy I worked with used to keep falling
  asleep on the train home after too many shandies
  and waking up in Hastings, needing to get a taxi
  home.

  "Next time he had a night out, he came up with
  a cunning plan to set the alarm on his phone
  for about five minutes before the train was
  supposed to arrive at his stop. Woke up in
  Hastings again, and someone had nicked his
  phone..."
  (SnowyTheWereRabbit)


  * DATE - "It was all going so well... It was a
  cousin's wedding in a Chateau in Strasbourg. After
  the banquet I somehow peeled off with a lovely
  lady guest, and we walked and chatted gaily
  throughout the castle grounds - I even managed
  to ride one of the wild ponies that were wandering
  about, which well impressed her in a Hugh Grant
  way.

  "When we kissed in the moonlight, it felt
  magical. Later, as we approached our hotel, we
  were walking hand-in-hand through the medieval
  cobbled streets of the old town, heady with
  romance and anticipation, and I trod in the
  biggest, runniest, dog shit imaginable.

  "I subtly tried to scrape it off by doing
  humourous Frankenstein/ Hunchback of Notre Dame
  impressions, but this only created the
  impression that I was a twat, who smelled of
  dogshit." (fred zeppelin)


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    gamer : b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    gamergate : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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    Follow @b3ta on Twitter. Oh go on.
    https://twitter.com/b3ta
  
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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Jahled, fred
  zeppelin, evilengine, RompaStompa, Fray Brentos,
  Turquoise Hexagon Sun, Ghoti Fingers, Turquoise
  Hexagon Sun, wakeupandsmellthebacon, Varmint &
  BaronMunchausen. Image challenge by Fraser
  Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  

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  TOP TIP:
  Disposable contact lenses make an ideal Center
  Parcs for amoebas. (drimble)

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