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NEWSLETTER: BIRDS DO IT BEES DO IT, LET'S GET EATEN BY A MASSIVE SPIDER

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This Week:
* HOUSEMATES - from Hell
* BLADERUNNER - props on show
* SHIT ROBOTS - being shit

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving our
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   breath and 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     going blue"

B3ta email 656 - 20th Mar 2015

Read this issue pretending to be bus:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue656

   Friends :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Enemies : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com


-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  Don't buy Farage's book but do read the reviews
  
  This week Farage published his new book today
  and nearly 500 people have reviewed in an orgy
  of mockery and sock puppet defences. Best
  review? "A poundshop meinkampf" 
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1849548633/b3ta-21


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: ADD B3TA ON FACEBOOK

  OK about 8 years late but we've decided to make
  a page on The Facebook - in theory it'll show
  frontpaged images and we'll also use it to
  announce newsletters, challenges and the
  Question of the Week.
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan

  Next week we hope to launch our MySpace page.

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Stuff! Nonsense!
   
  * DINOSAURS BY RATHERGOOD - Joel writes, "This
  is definitely the best thing we have ever made.
  Definitely. I'd really like someone to
  commission us to make more of these. They are
  enormous fun to do but too time-consuming to
  keep doing them without financial help innit."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Dinosaurs_Terrible_Lizards:2


  * CATCHPHRASE QUIZ - davidhomfray writes, "I've
  rejigged something I made a while ago, so it now
  works/fits nicely on mobile devices... Well, it
  works /fits nicely on the devices I've tested it
  on, anyways."
http://stoopido.hostoi.com/TCCQMobile.html


  * VOYAGE INTO THE SHARD - Pig Face Turnip
  investigates... 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mysteries_of_The_Deep_3


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Housemates from Hell III
  
  Last week we asked for more horrors that you'd
  lived with. The smelly, the oversexed and the
  socially inept seem attracted to you lot for
  some reason:
http://b3ta.com/questions/housematesIII


  * KNICKER-BOILER - "My (now) wife shared a
  house with a girl who thought the only way to
  keep her knickers clean was to boil them. In
  the saucepan you normally cook your pasta in,
  stirring them with the big wooden spoon from
  the kitchen drawer.

  "When challenged, she irritatedly said that
  she'd been using that pot and spoon for months
  and no-one had complained about it yet."
  (Smale)

  
  * POOR KEVIN - "I shared a flat with Joel
  Veitch once. He wasted loads of electricity
  because he couldn't sleep without the fan
  heater on and once dismembered a rabbit in the
  kitchen and left a bloody message on the walls,
  "Clean the kitchen you scummy bastards."
   
  "However I rather liked him and encouraged him
  to behave very badly indeed which means we
  were probably the housemates from hell to the
  other guy there. Sorry Kevin." (rob)

  
  * ACROTWAT - "We'd known each other since we
  were 5 and we were best mates. She'd had a
  troubled upbringing and she was always looking
  for validation and attention.

  "So when some friends came over and she wasn't
  the centre of attention she ran off to her
  room. And came back dressed in a bikini and a
  raincoat.

  "And proceeded to do cartwheels through the
  living room. Straight through a glass door.
  Straight to A&E." (Nanny Pat)


  >> This Week - Sexual Disasters <<
  Tell us the tales of your sexual disasters. We
  won't judge. We'll just get people to vote on
  how awful your life has been so far:
http://b3ta.com/questions/sexcapes/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * BUY A PENIS LOGO - Jimski writes, "Good to
  see the newsletter back - it's a little ray of
  light on a Friday. Anyway, just saw this and I
  thought you may have taken on a new career...."
http://www.penised.com/


  * ALIEN VS POOH - a literary mash-up that'll
  probably end up published by Penguin.
http://godxiliary.com/alienvspooh/


  * NICE TO SEE WIKIPEDIA KEEPING A LIST - of
  musicians bottled off stage. 
http://goo.gl/iGBdMM


  * MODELS AND PROPS FROM BLADERUNNER - all this
  would be CGI now and therefore rubbish.
http://imgur.com/a/mv8qf/layout/blog


  * ARE YOU OLD? PRINT THIS OUT FOR YOUR (WO)MAN
  CAVE - post-punk heroes reimagined as Marvel
  heroes. 
http://goo.gl/a5w40e


-------------------------------------------------

  You've got until 20th April to reg to vote in
  #ge2015 if you haven't already. Remember: you
  can't spoil your ballot with shit and piss if
  you're not registered in first place.
https://www.gov.uk/register-to-vote

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like a Casio Watch TV but without the strap

  * THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE COMING UP ON SOME VERY
  HARD DRUGS - he's going to have a sore head in
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Morning_Ravers:2


  * SPONGEBOB FEELS THE BASS - it's basically a
  kids' TV drugs special this week.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Spongebob_bass_pants


  * DESIGNERS USE PHOTOSHOP 1.0 - ok this is an
  ad for Adobe wank but it made us nostalgic.
  Now get some writers to use WordPerfect 5.1 -
  their main problem would be not being able to
  look at Twitter to lift stories.
http://youtu.be/TtA46JT2q_0


  * SHIT ROBOTS BEING SHIT - a compilation that'll
  amuse you, lolling you into a false sense of
  security before the singularity happens. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1286999


-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Ok, not funny and not cornery
  
  * Paulsli asks, "Have you ever come across a
  more aptly-named solicitor?"
http://www.wrighthassall.co.uk


  * Notorious P I G writes, "I was inspired by
  your latest medical funny name, my memory dug up
  a distant recollection that I sniggered at
  whilst a wee small lad, (make sure you check out
  his speciality)."
http://goo.gl/fmwV3s


-------------------------------------------------

: THE BULLSHIT PUBLISHED ON AMAZON THESE DAYS
  Well, it's sort of amusing
  
  The ease of self-publishing on Amazon and the
  fact people will send around funny-sounding
  Amazon products on social media has opened a
  publishing opportunity.

  It would appear more and more people are
  putting out bizarro sex novels, presumably not
  because they are sexually excited by toasters
  but because they reckon making people laugh
  will earn them a few quid.

  And three is a trend:

  * POUNDED BY THE GAY FEDORAS
  Looks like someone is laughing at Men's Rights
  Activists. Which is fair enough - they are
  laughable.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00UQNCM2U/b3ta-21

  * CONQUERED BY CLIPPY
  Actually the sequel to 'Taken by the Tetris
  Blocks', looking forward to 'Mounted by Manic
  Miner'
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00UJ01WBW/b3ta-21 

  * TAKEN BY THE TOASTER
   We mentioned this one last week, written by a
   B3tan.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00TMVO2GG/b3ta-21 


------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the 'Cats in film' challenge

  Last week we asked to see feline infused
  cinematic masterpieces.
 
  Your favourites included:

  * Werecat: John Landis’ London classic. (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11139783

  * Spinner: Do Androids dream of Electric cats  
  (Clueless Egg Cunt)
http://b3ta.com/board/11139583
 
  * Beauty: Nice nipple coverage. (Shallows)
http://b3ta.com/board/11139781
  
  All these images, and a load more can be found
  here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/catfilms/


   >> New challenge: Music Sequels <<
  Films are always getting follow ups, songs and
  albums less so. We’re fixing that this week
  with Nevermind 2, Return to the Dark Side of
  the Moon and many more...
http://b3ta.com/challenge/musicsequels/


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   Winners:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Sinners:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by MrRoborobot,
  tubaman, Frogbeat, fred zeppelin, sinisterduck,
  peeliochet, jonofthesouth, PhosphorBurnedEyes.
  Image challenge by HappyToasy. QOTW via
  McChinaman, Ms Shenanigans & PhillieJoe.
  
-------------------------------------------------

  SHAVING TIP:
  Monkeon writes, "I read in Neil Gaiman's blog
  that if you want a clean shave, then rub your
  stubble with hair conditioner, leave for a
  couple of minutes and then shave. I tried it
  last night, and it really works."

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