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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 93: "MAN VS SHED"

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This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Biscuit man talks
* VIDEO - Man Vs Shed
* QUIZ - Guess the crap paint

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____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web ... together"

B3ta email 93 - 20 Jun 2003

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue93/

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: BISCUIT MAN INTERVIEWED
  NiceCupOfTea spills all

  Unless you're both blind and earless you'll know
  that Stuart Payne is Britain's foremost expert
  in the art of biscuitry.

  This week in particular his NiceCupOfTea site
  has been on the BBC and all across the UK
  national press.

  Last week we asked you for questions. This week
  we tracked him to his gingerbread cottage and
  got him tell us all the things you wanted to know.
http://www.b3ta.com/interview/nicey/


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: MAN VS SHED
  Who will be the victor in this mighty battle?

  This is the big one. Put on some thrash metal
  and enjoy Dan Norcott unleashing his awesome
  rage on a hapless garden shed. We wanked over a
  thousand copies of Gardener's World after watching
  this. Grrarr. Bring on the sheds. We are ready.
http://www.monsterland.co.uk/shedpocalypse/


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: CRAP PAINT QUIZ
  Can you guess the colour from the stupid name?

  B3ta coder Cal writes - 

  "I was in Do-It-All a few months ago, and saw
  some ridiculously-named paints. Who would want
  their room 'Bongo Jazz?'

  "Who comes up with this stuff? I wondered if
  it was just me, or if other people couldn't
  tell what the names meant. So I made the game."

  And, after some mocking laughter, it turns out we
  can't tell what the names meant either. Can you?
http://www.iamcal.com/games/paintgame/


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: B3TA SECOND BIRTHDAY PARTY
  Friday 18th July 2003, London UK.

  As promised last week, here is the flyer and
  map for our second birthday party.
 
  It's going to be fun. Make sure you come.
http://www2.b3ta.com/party/2ndbirthday.gif


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK 
  Weebl, Leg Trick, Jam, Tramps & Goths

  >> Weebl rap battle <<
  Weebl takes on his arch nemesis Wee Bull once
  again in an exciting rap-based treat.
  Wiggedy-whack. And that's a fact. Er.  
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/battle.htm


  >> Fire stunt sequel <<
  Last week we featured resident self-immolation
  expert Zyk0tik's last exploit, but lamented his
  lack of range. This morning we recieved this
  link. "Hah! And b3ta said I only had 1 trick!"
  crowed a bruised Zyk. Now he has two.
http://members.lycos.co.uk/zzyk0tikk/movies/legman.wmv


  >> Stunts for cash <<
  Matazone is obviously a bit short this month.
  A fan offered him a fiver if he'd eat a jam
  sandwich with the jam on the outside. And he did.
  Do you have little stunts you'd like him to pull?
  Offer him cash and maybe he'll make your dream
  a reality.
http://www.matazone.co.uk/extreme-jam-sandwich-eating.html


  >> Wanking tramps <<
  "Here's a new Fancy Soup," says Brian Mung.
  Fantastic! "It's about wanking," he continues.
  Don't worry Brian - we won't tell your mum.
http://www.brianmung.com/fancysoup8.htm


  >> Goth Girl in love <<
  Matazone, sickened with jam, continues his regular
  series Little Goth Girl. In this cute episode
  she finds a cool thing and falls in love. Aah.
http://www.matazone.co.uk/little_goth_girl_space_hopper.html


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: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.


  >> 80s bike mag ads <<
  Remember magazines? They were those floppy
  papery things you used to read. Like, maybe this
  morning? This is a lovely collection of adverts
  that give a snapshot into the world of motorcycle
  enthusiasts some 20 years ago. Great if you like
  beards and tits. And we do. Cheers.
http://www.sharpeworld.com/bikers/


  >> Holiday with the A-Team <<
  Any plans for your break this year? Why not try 
  going on a cruise hosted by Dirk Benedict? You may
  remember Mr. Benedict better as smooth-talking
  loverman Face from the A-Team. Or as smooth-talking
  loverman Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica. Now
  you can have him for your very own. But only the
  best get to the captain's table.
http://www.swainworldcruises.com/benedict/index.htm


  >> John Travolta dog <<
  A stunning impersonation of John Travolta's
  performance in Grease by a highly-trained
  labrador. We are eagerly awaiting its attempt at
  Face/Off, with a cat as Nicholas Cage.
http://netcity2.web.hinet.net/UserData/jwenchin/dancers_1.wmv


  >> New Dr Who <<
  Douglas Adams wrote it. Now he's dead. The BBC
  animated it. They should die too. Nah - it's
  good really. Woo for the Who. You'll need an
  afternoon spare to enjoy the whole thing.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/doctorwho/shada/six/index.shtml


  >> Japanese kidnap TV  <<
  Thank fuck for Japanese television - there's 
  always something new and weird to point at. The 
  latest development is kidnaping an aspiring 
  comedian, locking him in a bare room and only 
  allowing him the possessions he wins through 
  entering postal competitions. Even food. 
http://www3.tky.3web.ne.jp/~edjacob/nasubi.html


  >> Big tongue dog <<
  The web is full of famous dogs. You've met Mr Winkle
  and now it's time to meet Milo. His claim to fame
  is having an extraordinarily long tongue. We
  didn't believe it was true until we watched the
  video. And he's almost completely hairless too.
  Mmmm. Like Gene Simmons.
http://www.milostongue.com/start.htm


  >> PC rear view mirror <<
  Worried that your boss is coming up behind
  you as you muck about on the internet? Simply
  attach one of these to your monitor and your
  troubles are over. Unless your boss is a
  vampire of course.
http://www.imate.com.au/


  >> Eliminate graphic designers <<
  Got a website? Stuck for a design? Don't shell
  out for a poncey designer. They'll only spend
  it on strange geometric glasses. Cunts. This
  little blinder will whip up a nice design for
  you in a jiffy. Just keep pressing refresh
  until you find one that doesn't make you vomit.
http://www.strangebanana.com/generator.aspx


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: 15 SECONDS OF STUPID
  Short anims from b3ta people

  >> Humiliating the friendless << 
  "An annoying bloke who follows us around tried
  to get better friends with us by drinking warm
  beer out of a full ashtray, complete with fag
  butts," gloats Jaxilaxonfire. Obviously, his
  plan failed.
http://zwn.arqz.com/flash/anti2.swf


  >> Bouncy Kylie action << 
  This is my first ever Flash movie," sighs 
  Kamikazee Killmouse, "It was a labour of
  love." Slow intro, fantastic pay-off. Woo.
http://www.zen16091.zen.co.uk/choppings/2003-06/kylie.htm


  >> Potato << 
  "Potato. Potato. Potato. Potato," writes
  Weebl, "Potato. Potato. Potato. Potato.
  Potato. Potato." Yes. This is about potatoes. 
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/17/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the If Cats Ruled Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted to see what things would
  be like if cats ruled the world:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ifcatsruledtheworld/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'Anno Domini Hiatus' to
  judge the entries - here are his 3 faves.

  Anno Domini Hiatus writes -


  #1 "Fish Machine - Fishes, paws and thruppeny-bits
     - what more could you ask for? (sosumi)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1385587

  #2 "Maurice wasn't taking any chances - Awwww,
     who's got little fuzzy eyebrows then? The cigar
     was the clincher. (Dai marzipan)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1407267

  #3 "Bwahahahahahaha-erk! Totally summed up what
     would really happen if cats ruled the Earth.
     FACT. (Agent Eddache)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1386760


  >> This Weeks Challenge <<

  This week, B3ta contributor Spacefish gave us
  the suggestion, "When Baddies turn Good"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/baddies/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * B3TA TIPS ARE WRONG - last week we said that 
    citronella oil would stop dogs chewing on the
    furniture. LP complains, "Because of your tip,
    my boyfriend tried citronella oil on the wall
    in his kitchen. It didn't work. I think his
    dog likes it. It's eaten all the plaster."
http://www.lpbk.net/b3ta/jays_kitchen.jpg


  * B3TA PEOPLE IN JAIL - Mr Mantlepies writes, 
    "We're going to prison. Apparently Visa EU are
    investigating us for our satellite website."
http://www.mycreditcarddetails.co.uk/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * BANCAPSLOCK.COM - bECAUSE wE oNLY eVER pRESS
    iT bY aCCIDENT. iT'S aN iRRITATING aNACHRONISM
    fROM tHE dAYS oF tYPEWRITERS. kILL iT.

  * RIPPING THE PISS OUT OF PROG ROCK - it's
    ruled the music scene for far too long.

  * NO MORE GAY BAR VIDEOS - we've seen six 
    at the last count. Find another tune to
    play with.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS: 

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by shardcore me/jase27, Cyclotron,
  dscassel, FRieDPHaNToM, ShiteMonger and
  petebuckley99.
  Top Tippery from AzOfb3ta.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the massed pipes and drums of the
  b4ta marching band. (67542)

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  HANDY TIP

  If you open a bean can at the bottom instead of
  the top, they all come out in one go, rather 
  than you having to get a spoon and scrape the
  last few out yourself.

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