NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 93: "MAN VS SHED"
This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Biscuit man talks
* VIDEO - Man Vs Shed
* QUIZ - Guess the crap paint
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web ... together"
B3ta email 93 - 20 Jun 2003
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue93/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
: BISCUIT MAN INTERVIEWED
NiceCupOfTea spills all
Unless you're both blind and earless you'll know
that Stuart Payne is Britain's foremost expert
in the art of biscuitry.
This week in particular his NiceCupOfTea site
has been on the BBC and all across the UK
national press.
Last week we asked you for questions. This week
we tracked him to his gingerbread cottage and
got him tell us all the things you wanted to know.
http://www.b3ta.com/interview/nicey/
-------------------------------------------------
: MAN VS SHED
Who will be the victor in this mighty battle?
This is the big one. Put on some thrash metal
and enjoy Dan Norcott unleashing his awesome
rage on a hapless garden shed. We wanked over a
thousand copies of Gardener's World after watching
this. Grrarr. Bring on the sheds. We are ready.
http://www.monsterland.co.uk/shedpocalypse/
-------------------------------------------------
: CRAP PAINT QUIZ
Can you guess the colour from the stupid name?
B3ta coder Cal writes -
"I was in Do-It-All a few months ago, and saw
some ridiculously-named paints. Who would want
their room 'Bongo Jazz?'
"Who comes up with this stuff? I wondered if
it was just me, or if other people couldn't
tell what the names meant. So I made the game."
And, after some mocking laughter, it turns out we
can't tell what the names meant either. Can you?
http://www.iamcal.com/games/paintgame/
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA SECOND BIRTHDAY PARTY
Friday 18th July 2003, London UK.
As promised last week, here is the flyer and
map for our second birthday party.
It's going to be fun. Make sure you come.
http://www2.b3ta.com/party/2ndbirthday.gif
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Weebl, Leg Trick, Jam, Tramps & Goths
>> Weebl rap battle <<
Weebl takes on his arch nemesis Wee Bull once
again in an exciting rap-based treat.
Wiggedy-whack. And that's a fact. Er.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/battle.htm
>> Fire stunt sequel <<
Last week we featured resident self-immolation
expert Zyk0tik's last exploit, but lamented his
lack of range. This morning we recieved this
link. "Hah! And b3ta said I only had 1 trick!"
crowed a bruised Zyk. Now he has two.
http://members.lycos.co.uk/zzyk0tikk/movies/legman...
>> Stunts for cash <<
Matazone is obviously a bit short this month.
A fan offered him a fiver if he'd eat a jam
sandwich with the jam on the outside. And he did.
Do you have little stunts you'd like him to pull?
Offer him cash and maybe he'll make your dream
a reality.
http://www.matazone.co.uk/extreme-jam-sandwich-eat...
>> Wanking tramps <<
"Here's a new Fancy Soup," says Brian Mung.
Fantastic! "It's about wanking," he continues.
Don't worry Brian - we won't tell your mum.
http://www.brianmung.com/fancysoup8.htm
>> Goth Girl in love <<
Matazone, sickened with jam, continues his regular
series Little Goth Girl. In this cute episode
she finds a cool thing and falls in love. Aah.
http://www.matazone.co.uk/little_goth_girl_space_h...
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> 80s bike mag ads <<
Remember magazines? They were those floppy
papery things you used to read. Like, maybe this
morning? This is a lovely collection of adverts
that give a snapshot into the world of motorcycle
enthusiasts some 20 years ago. Great if you like
beards and tits. And we do. Cheers.
http://www.sharpeworld.com/bikers/
>> Holiday with the A-Team <<
Any plans for your break this year? Why not try
going on a cruise hosted by Dirk Benedict? You may
remember Mr. Benedict better as smooth-talking
loverman Face from the A-Team. Or as smooth-talking
loverman Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica. Now
you can have him for your very own. But only the
best get to the captain's table.
http://www.swainworldcruises.com/benedict/index.ht...
>> John Travolta dog <<
A stunning impersonation of John Travolta's
performance in Grease by a highly-trained
labrador. We are eagerly awaiting its attempt at
Face/Off, with a cat as Nicholas Cage.
http://netcity2.web.hinet.net/UserData/jwenchin/da...
>> New Dr Who <<
Douglas Adams wrote it. Now he's dead. The BBC
animated it. They should die too. Nah - it's
good really. Woo for the Who. You'll need an
afternoon spare to enjoy the whole thing.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/doctorwho/shada/six/inde...
>> Japanese kidnap TV <<
Thank fuck for Japanese television - there's
always something new and weird to point at. The
latest development is kidnaping an aspiring
comedian, locking him in a bare room and only
allowing him the possessions he wins through
entering postal competitions. Even food.
http://www3.tky.3web.ne.jp/~edjacob/nasubi.html
>> Big tongue dog <<
The web is full of famous dogs. You've met Mr Winkle
and now it's time to meet Milo. His claim to fame
is having an extraordinarily long tongue. We
didn't believe it was true until we watched the
video. And he's almost completely hairless too.
Mmmm. Like Gene Simmons.
http://www.milostongue.com/start.htm
>> PC rear view mirror <<
Worried that your boss is coming up behind
you as you muck about on the internet? Simply
attach one of these to your monitor and your
troubles are over. Unless your boss is a
vampire of course.
http://www.imate.com.au/
>> Eliminate graphic designers <<
Got a website? Stuck for a design? Don't shell
out for a poncey designer. They'll only spend
it on strange geometric glasses. Cunts. This
little blinder will whip up a nice design for
you in a jiffy. Just keep pressing refresh
until you find one that doesn't make you vomit.
http://www.strangebanana.com/generator.aspx
-------------------------------------------------
: 15 SECONDS OF STUPID
Short anims from b3ta people
>> Humiliating the friendless <<
"An annoying bloke who follows us around tried
to get better friends with us by drinking warm
beer out of a full ashtray, complete with fag
butts," gloats Jaxilaxonfire. Obviously, his
plan failed.
http://zwn.arqz.com/flash/anti2.swf
>> Bouncy Kylie action <<
This is my first ever Flash movie," sighs
Kamikazee Killmouse, "It was a labour of
love." Slow intro, fantastic pay-off. Woo.
http://www.zen16091.zen.co.uk/choppings/2003-06/ky...
>> Potato <<
"Potato. Potato. Potato. Potato," writes
Weebl, "Potato. Potato. Potato. Potato.
Potato. Potato." Yes. This is about potatoes.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/17/
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the If Cats Ruled Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted to see what things would
be like if cats ruled the world:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ifcatsruledtheworld/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Anno Domini Hiatus' to
judge the entries - here are his 3 faves.
Anno Domini Hiatus writes -
#1 "Fish Machine - Fishes, paws and thruppeny-bits
- what more could you ask for? (sosumi)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1385587
#2 "Maurice wasn't taking any chances - Awwww,
who's got little fuzzy eyebrows then? The cigar
was the clincher. (Dai marzipan)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1407267
#3 "Bwahahahahahaha-erk! Totally summed up what
would really happen if cats ruled the Earth.
FACT. (Agent Eddache)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1386760
>> This Weeks Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor Spacefish gave us
the suggestion, "When Baddies turn Good"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/baddies/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* B3TA TIPS ARE WRONG - last week we said that
citronella oil would stop dogs chewing on the
furniture. LP complains, "Because of your tip,
my boyfriend tried citronella oil on the wall
in his kitchen. It didn't work. I think his
dog likes it. It's eaten all the plaster."
http://www.lpbk.net/b3ta/jays_kitchen.jpg
* B3TA PEOPLE IN JAIL - Mr Mantlepies writes,
"We're going to prison. Apparently Visa EU are
investigating us for our satellite website."
http://www.mycreditcarddetails.co.uk/
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* BANCAPSLOCK.COM - bECAUSE wE oNLY eVER pRESS
iT bY aCCIDENT. iT'S aN iRRITATING aNACHRONISM
fROM tHE dAYS oF tYPEWRITERS. kILL iT.
* RIPPING THE PISS OUT OF PROG ROCK - it's
ruled the music scene for far too long.
* NO MORE GAY BAR VIDEOS - we've seen six
at the last count. Find another tune to
play with.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by shardcore me/jase27, Cyclotron,
dscassel, FRieDPHaNToM, ShiteMonger and
petebuckley99.
Top Tippery from AzOfb3ta.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the massed pipes and drums of the
b4ta marching band. (67542)
-------------------------------------------------
HANDY TIP
If you open a bean can at the bottom instead of
the top, they all come out in one go, rather
than you having to get a spoon and scrape the
last few out yourself.
