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This is a question The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Davros' Grandad confesses: On visiting my ex-wife's house, I wiped my bum on the toothbrush belonging to the bloke she ran off with. At least, I thought it was his toothbrush.

(, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:36)
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courting Alice part 2.
In this post, I told the story of how I gained the notice of Alice, and noted that I eventually went out with her. This post is about how we actually became an item.

One glorious day I went on a date with Alice. Or at least sort of. Me and Alice and a couple of other people were going to see Nick Cave, but the others dropped by the wayside. Backsliders and hypocrites unwilling to answer the call of Saint Nick, and yet I silently thanked rather than cursed them, and when the day came it was just the two of us.

Could you have but seen the magnificence of me that day! Clad in four shades of black, my hair a very Icarus ascending to the heavens, and as if servants went before me throwing rose petals, a pleasant scent of hair products attended all. Mephistopheles in denim, ready to tempt who he will, and no doubt these things in my stomach are no butterflies but sleek and scintillant incubbi.

I arrived early. Actually three hours early, so anxious was I to not be late. So there was no-one there but people setting up, and this one guy drinking at the bar...

No way. Fuck, I think it is.

"Excuse me...are you Mick Harvey?"

He turned to me, and replied

"Yes, I am."

Even then I didn't know whether it was really him, or just some random fan having a lend of me. He pretty much looked like every other male that was going to be there:

(although in our minds we looked more like this: )

"I...I really loved 'The Adversary'. That was pretty much my favourite song for a while."

At the mention of his lesser-known solo career he bid me sit down (no mean feat in my jeans) and talk to him. Soon we got on to my meeting Alice and the whole situation.

"Are you gunna ask her to be your girlfriend?" he asked when I'd finished.
"Oh, yeah...I mean, not today. Soon, when it's..."
"No!" he slammed his hands on to the bar, and I jumped.

"No! You've got to ask her today. Today or you won't ask her at all. You'll wait and wait for the right time, and there'll always be some reason not to, and then you never will, and she'll go out with Some. One. Else!" the last emphasised with more crashing of hands.

"No, I will, I really.." I said weakly, for it was as my heart was a bell, and those hands the clapper that struck it truly, bringing forth the note that was within me.

"No, you won't. You say you will but you won't. Listen.." and here he leant forward, and his voice lowered.

"Listen...you know what groupies are?"

I nodded.

"We get groupies man. Everywhere, just...beautiful girls. And, it's not...it's not the same thing..."

He stopped, and turned away from me. Did he softly say the word 'Deanna', or has my imagination added that in?

Again his eyes looked into mine, and he held my suit-coated arms.

"I want you to promise me, promise me now, that you'll ask her today."

"O..OK, OK, I promise" I said, actually a bit scared of him, and more than ever wondering if this was really Mick Harvey, or if this was a drunk who had been pretending to be the bass player from AC/DC last week.

"Good man. Good man. I've gotta go and get ready, but yeah, good to meet you apeloverage."

And with that he left.

My brain awhirl, I simply sat for an unknown time, until both relief and new fear came in the form of Alice herself.

I considered casually mentioning that "yeah, I was just talking to Mick Harvey actually. Cool guy", but said nothing. Almost literally nothing. I wasn't that good at talking to girls at the best of times, and this was the worst of times.

The support band passed by like the last bus, and then it was time.

And the guy I was talking wasn't one of the band.

I actually grinned, so great was my relief. If he wasn't Mick Harvey, then I didn't have to follow his advice, which was no doubt part of the jape, trying to get me to make an ass of myself. Or so I told myself.

Some time later, and "all right, this is the last one! This is called the Ship Song!" But wait! The guitarist (Blixa Bargeld) made 'hang on' motions to Nick.

"Hello...er, I am Blixa Bargeld."

"And...er, Mick Harvey was not able to play today, because he fell ill. But he has a note here, which he wants me to read."

"'I met someone before the gig today called apeloverage. And he promised me that he was going to do something. But I don't think he's going to.'"

Oh no. Alice looked at me, and I looked at my oncoming doom.

"'So, I'm going to do it for him. Alice Liddell, apeloverage really likes you, and he wants to know if you would be his girlfriend.'"

And she did.
(, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 10:46, closed)
Tell me this is true
TELL MEEEEEEEEE
(, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 10:58, closed)
I like this story,
though I want to know if she was 10 and you met her in a rowing boat.
(, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 11:03, closed)
Awwwwww!!!!!
I don't care if this is true or not... Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!
(, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 11:27, closed)
Oh
pleeeeeease let this be true!
(, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 11:31, closed)
If this is true, and St Blixa of Bargeld really did do that,
then this will be the single best story ever to have been posted on b3ta.

Even if it isn't true, it's among the best.

*clicks hard*
(, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 14:51, closed)
Blimey
I thought it was one of my stories for a minute.

Completely click-worthy and a mile off topic.
(, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 15:16, closed)
Great story
..but completely off topic.

Clicks anyway.
(, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 16:05, closed)
Quite lovely
*clicks*
(, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 17:53, closed)

The only shout-out I've ever had from a band was to get my fat arse down to the front of the crowd so I could hear them properly.

It wasn't quite as helpful 'with the ladies' as your one.
(, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 0:54, closed)

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