When AOL launched its short-lived free texting service,
I decided to send a mate a really silly text, to try it out.

The most foolish thing I could think of to say was 'Put that sausage down, you don't know where it's been!'

I sent the text, chuckled, and forgot all about it.

Next time I see the mate, she tells me that the text arrived when she was eating a sausage bap in the street. The phone was in her pocket so she didn't read it until she'd finished eating.

She reckons she spent ten minutes marching up and down the street, glaring at all the shop fronts and upstairs windows, convinced that I was spying on her, and she still doesn't believe that I wasn't there.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 19:33, Reply)

OMG!
I was Fraser's friend!
(Alexxx It wasn't me, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 19:31, Reply)

I Used To Be A Shit Magician
And would often tell people on the street that I'd taken one of their possessions, and they'd never guess what it was thus it was mine for all eternity.

Well eventually this went wrong, and I got arrested. I was raped in prison. Taking a shit now is like dropping a penny from the london eye. It would be a lot easier if there were any holes to drop it from.
(Alexxx It wasn't me, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 19:30, Reply)

...
in town with some friends and one of my friends starts talking bout a CD and we both say "that CD rocks" at the same time then we both say "wierd" at the same time then "Stop that" then finaly we broke it because i said banana hammock.....i think that counts as a spoooky coincidence

Length? bout the size of a small elephant
(whyme???, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 19:24, Reply)

Spoooky
I was just about to post a story about how I met my next door neighbour on holiday WHEN I READ A STORY ABOUT ONE... ALREADY POSTED!!!

Wait, it get's better.

Immediately after, THERE WAS ANOTHER!

/apeloverage mode off
(Lannes, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 19:21, Reply)

Guy Fawkes shares my birthday
And I was caught in a cellar once.

Love fireworks too, me.
(Le Man Marathon in English 'The Marathon Man', Sat 10 Feb 2007, 18:54, Reply)

My father pre-empted Elton John
On the morning of Diana's death, my dad and I were on our way to see friends in Coventry. There was no decent music to listen to as everything was sombre and emotional, so Dad stuck on Radio 4 (he'd have done it anyway, the boring old fart*, but this way he had an excuse). As we were listening to all the tributes coming in from various people, Dad sighed and said:

"It seemed to me she lived her life like a candle in the wind".

Not sure when it was that Elton John announced that he would be rewriting "Candle In The Wind" but it definitely wasn't the same day the woman died.

*And now I listen to Radio 4, making me a boring old fart too.
(Mrs Lawofnations, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 17:44, Reply)

Letter Bombs
Monday 5 February 2007 - letter bomb explodes in the mail room of the Capita building. Capita helps to operate the Central London Congestion Charge.

Tuesday 6 February 2007 - letter bomb explodes in the mail room of Vantis, a company linked with the digital speed cameras used by the police.

Tuesday 6 February 2007, around about 17:30. Mrs_lawofnations is greeted by Mr lawofnations. "So" says I. "Letter bomb in Swansea tomorrow at the DVLA!"

Wednesday 7 February 2007 - letter bomb explodes in the mail room of the DVLA in Swansea....


I really hope the two armed police men stood beside us in the tube station at the time weren't listening...
(lawofnations, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 17:41, Reply)

House hunting
Myself and my partner have just found a really great looking house on the internet to rent next year, and phoned the landlady to arrange a viewing. It's a great looking house, dead cheap, and it's in an area where we know some friends of ours live. Sounds great eh?

Turned out it is actually our friends' house!
Spoooky.
( St3cks, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 16:16, Reply)

not a coincidence, but definitely spooky
Does anyone know the Necronomicon? The accursed book of the mad person of Middle Eastern appearance, Abdul Al'hazrad?

Well, they've released on an online version (www.necronom-e.com).

I begged them not to do it, given its potential to open the dread portals of Cthulhu. But they have this blind attitude of 'information wants to be free, man'.

Dangerous idea, this open sourcery.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 16:08, Reply)

Hitler
Hitler shares my birthday.

True story.

I'm really, really not joking!

Size? Big enough to scare ya ;-)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 16:03, Reply)

I was at a party

with some goths, and someone mentioned Christmas. I just had time to think "I bet they say 'Christmas was originally a pagan festival actually'", when one of them did indeed point out that Christmas was originally a pagan festival actually.

It's not a coincidence though, it's just goths.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 15:43, Reply)

My sister is born on the 19th of May
Like me. Just 6 years later. And my older sister is born 6 years before me on the 19th of May August.

Arse. Still, all the kids on the 19th. Makes it easier to remember!

Also, was at a party just before christmas from a girl I met here in Vienna working for the Green party. Anyway, at about 3 in the morning I'm talking to this guy, he asks me where I've lived all my life and I say I spent 14 years in Strasbourg, France. He says that's funny and asks what my family name is. And drops his beer.

Turns out the cunt has slept in my house! He's a funny guy actually, his dad was my Dad's collegue. And when he was looking for a home we offered him a room. Things is i never saw him cos I was on holiday.

Spoooky... Unknown people in my house!
( morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 15:42, Reply)

I was listening to a Blink-182 CD

and immediately after a particular song ended - another song began WHICH WAS EXACTLY THE SAME!
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 15:40, Reply)

at a party
I met this young lady, one thing led to another, and we had sex in my hotel room.

Later on we were talking about nothing, and I mentioned something about my Dad being a teacher. She said her Dad was too! Then later I said something about my Mum writing a novel, and her Mum did as well. And *then* I mentioned something about my brother having a weight problem, and she also had a brother with a weight problem!

Anyway, we're not invited to any more family reunions.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 15:29, Reply)

Freddy Mercury
died in 1991 - they year of the release of 'Drop Dead Fred' and 'Nightmare on Elm Street 6: Freddy's Dead'.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 15:25, Reply)

My oldest friend...
Cuple of months back I get a text from the mammy asking if I knew a certain individual. I reply saying I do as he's a good friend of mine, the reply was just 'small world'. I shall explain...

She had been out with work and was in a taxi headin home when she got chatting to the driver about where he lived etc. He lives in Swords but used to live in Blanchardstown (Dublin for those not in the know).
'So did I' replies my mam. 'Where bouts?'
He tells her and she goes 'thats weird, me too! Wat number?'
'134' He replies. 'We lived in 144!'
Upon further enquiry it turned out they lived across the road from one another and were once upon a time good friends. They started asking about each other's kids wen the taxi driver asks 'whats BigFatPaulie up to these days?'
'Oh he's studying engineering in college'
'So's my lad, what college?'
'TCD'
'Jaysus, so's my youngfella, wat kind of engineering?'
'civil, wat about your lad?'
'same! what year's he in?'
'final year'
'So's my son!'

I then get the aforementioned text and it turns out one of the guys I've been hanging around with for almost two years used to live across the road from me as a kid! The two of us were friends even back then! He even has pics of the two of us playing together at his 4th birthday party! Spoooky!
(BigFatPaulie, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 15:05, Reply)

Spoookily, back in 1989, I was in Thailand
and had just gone back to the hotel from the beach and ordered a beer from the bar. The bloke sitting on a stool said something like, "You from the UK?", to which I answered, "Yes", and started a conversation with him. He asked me where abouts and I told him that I was from Cambridge. He looked stunned and told me that he was also from Cambridge. I asked him where abouts and he told me the area which was also the same as mine. It turned out that this bloke was the 'miserable git' next door that I had never met before, as I thought he was some kind of hermit. It turned out he was a truck driver and was away lots. When I got home we struck up a friendship and began to frequent the same pub. He died a few years later but how weird its that. Not meeting your neighbour for two years whilst living next door to him, then bumping into this complete stranger in a hotel bar in FUCKING THAILAND! who turns out to be him. Now, if you don't think that is spooky (with three o's) you can pop it up your bot bot.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 10 Feb 2007, 13:46, Reply)

9/11
how about the MS word wingdings thing that looks like a plane, 2 towers and a skull and crossbones.


if you add the dates of mine and my brothers birthdays you get the same as if you ad my parents, which multiplied is the same as the price of fish chips an mushy peas(in hungarian forints) at the chippy near our nans! spooky.

its human nature to look for paterns in unrelated events, i think its something to do with memory association.
(suboftheday, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 13:29, Reply)

My Mum & Dad split up when I was 1...
And I didn't see my Dad again until I was 16, whereupon I found that he played the guitar and worked in computers in London.

Me? I play the guitar, and was studying to go into computers when I left school.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 12:52, Reply)

Being known as somewhat of a freak
... spooOky things happen to me on a regular basis, and to tell them all would result in one very long and boring post.

The most memorable tale of late probably relates to events that occurred in the summer of 2005.

My dear Nan was extremely ill and the majority of my mums' family were at her bedside, in anticipation of her inevitable passing..
My aunt, however was unable to be there (as were my Daddy and I) so was instead holding a candlelight "vigil" with 2 small candles sat on her mantle (one for my Nan and the other for my Grandad who had been nursing her throughout her illness)

Anyhoo.. At approximately 5pm one summers eve, said Aunt had phoned my Grandads house in a blind panic to check that everything was ok, apparently the candle that had been burning for my Nan had suddenly and inexplicably decided to extinguish itself, leaving the other candle burning away quite merrily beside it.
My Uncle gave her his assurances that all was well, nothing to report etc etc but he would have to call her later on as my Mum was trying to get his attention..You can see where this is going can't you?
Yes, for my Mum was indeed calling for my Uncle to come to my Nans bedside to witness her last moments.. she took her last breath some few minutes later.
Now, some 70 Miles away, at this exact same moment I was sat at home when suddenly I started to feel very sick, and had an familiar sense of "Ohshit something's wrong here.."
I felt compelled to phone my old chap who assured me that he hadn't yet heard any bad news, and as far as he was aware my Nan was "comfortable", however, whilst I was on the phone to the old fella, a familiar tone sounded in the background, indicating that he had recieved a text message "Errr I'll call you back" says he.. Once again it was my Mum confirming that my Nan had just that second passed away.

Freaky enough for you? Well I shall continue..
In my family there seems to be a long running tradition that for every person that passes on, another is born shortly after.
So, cue me, 4 months later discovering that I have a bun in the proverbial oven, and to top it all off? Babys due date? The one year anniversary of my Dear old Nans death.
Cheerful eh?

No apologies for length, I'm a shortarse so have to compensate somehow.
(Peek_a_Boo forgot how fun B3ta was until, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 12:25, Reply)

I wonder why its itchy
Upon closer examination it became apparent that the tiny black things on my inner thighs are pubic lice. Explains the itching. The coincidence is that I have not been to any of my known dens of iniquity, porn theatres, gloryholes, fleshpots or strip clubs since november where one would expect such beasties to hang out.
(rodgerroop, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 11:29, Reply)

complicated
when living in japan my girlfriend met someone on mount fuji who happened to have stayed in her flat she had when she lived in germany ( gf had gone away for easter holidays and this girl had stayed in her bedroom for a weekend) - she had photos and everything.
(callipygous everytime I kill a hitchhiker, God masturbates, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 11:07, Reply)

Kinda Close To The Number Of The Devil If You Squint
I was born on August 8th (yes 8/8, well spotted). So guess how old I was on 8/8/88?


No.


I was 9.


Idiot.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sat 10 Feb 2007, 10:51, Reply)

Coin tossing.
Once had a run of correct "Heads or tails" guessing.

I got 110+ correct in a row...

MJB.
(Mr Joe Bangles, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 10:29, Reply)

Talk Hard
Here's a cracking one.
There's a movie called 'Pump up the volume' About a high school kid who defies authority and sets up a pirate radio station. A good part of the story is about how he doesn't get along with his parents, his father in particular. Good movie, check it out. Awesome soundtrack.
Anyways, point is this, when I was in high school I had the ambition of setting up a pirate radio station, although I never succeeded! Later I saw this movie and discovered that The Lead character had the same name as me, surname too! I didn't and don't get along with my father, who has the same name as the father in the movie! oooooooh.
I'm not done yet, the love interest in the movie, played by the lovely Samantha Mathis was called Nora, as was my G/F at the time.

Length? Big as a baby's arm (see the movie and understand)
(The Cosmic Fool Became aware that the bird is indeed the word on, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 9:10, Reply)

Easter.
The day after Easte, out shopping with my boyfriend in York. We fancied some chocolate, but being tight fisted skinflints, thought we'd wait until the day after Easter & bag twice the amount of chocolate for half the money (yes, we're also fat bastards).
Woolworths. Where else would you go for easter eggs? He went down the chocolate aisle (this has now become an HILARIOUS euphemism), to find no easter eggs. We looked all over, then even split up to scour the shelves. On reconvening, giving each other looks of total disbelief, I said 'Are we in some sort of parrallel Woolworths where Easter doesn't exist?'. He jumped out of his skin & almost literally ran out of the shop. Apparently he had been about to say the exact same thing to me. The mindpiss terrified him. I though it was hugely amusing.
( ImNotRightBotheredMe fool, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 8:57, Reply)

Lucky 13
My Dad was born on the 10th, my Mum on 3rd. 10+3=13. Both my Sister and myself were born on 13th. My Wife was born on 1st Dec, 1+12=13 and my Son 19th June. 19-6=13


Be grateful for the length
(ElGatodeBarco, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 8:45, Reply)

excellent, i get to tell my ace story
Firstly, some cunt i once told this story to said he liked it so much he was going to start telling it as his own, so if it appears again, then its mine not his, and if you're reading this rougepath, yes i mean YOU

About 15 years ago as a wee lass my family moved into a new house, the previous occupants having been a young family also. During the move our piano got a bit bashed about so my dad got a piano tuner in. The piano tuner arrived and got down to it. Whatever IT is.

Anyhoo, once he was done the money changed hands and the piano tuner enquired about what had happened to the old lady who lived in our house? My dad said there is no old lady, and the people who lived in the house before us were a family too with no old lady in tow. The piano tuner said that is very odd because i have tuned this piano before, in this room and an old lady lived here... Upon investigation the piano tuner and my dad found the piano tuner's rather dusty and yellowed card down inside the depths of the instrument...

Turns out that an old lady had lived in the house before the other family... she had once owned our piano but when she had moved had sold it to a second hand shop, whereupon my dad had purchased said piano. A few years later we had also purchased her old house, and placed the piano in exactly the same position!

I love telling that story
(pinkois, Sat 10 Feb 2007, 8:40, Reply)