right then
like the total fanoir i am i have just posted this follow up to my buyin the missus some trinkets tale on off topic - i'll nip back over there and delete, anyway

confusingly it is off topic for here but - ach fuck it it's a long story and you're free to scroll

THE DIAMONDS I BOUGHT A FEW DAYS AGO...

The diamonds I bought a few days ago were set in a ring today.

I was led to a buzzing thriving little workshop filled with industrious sharp eyed little Indian men darting around in a blaze of brightly patterned loose cotton shirts. Security was non-existent. One or two half assed plastic London gangsters could have had the lot in less than 10 minutes. The place was grubby and reeked of men and shoes and wet metal. But they all seemed happy and bright, chatting and laughing - it didn’t feel like a sweat shop. The place whirred and whined with dozens of angry little hornet drills nibbling and chewing like manic dentists - little shards and sparkles of gold and platinum made their battered wooden benches glitter under their tiny desk lamps – every one personalized with ganesh or the bhudda or some Bollywood babe.

When I bobbed my head from side to side it looked like ice on tarmac. But I didn’t dare do that initially - convinced of some sleight, some chicanery, a jigger here and a pokery there and my bona fide Antwerp gems could suddenly haven been taken for a ride into a tin or drawer or any of the million places a quick dark hand could slip a tiny shard of sharp bright icy wealth. But slowly I felt guilty. All around were men who earn in a week the cost of a cheap steak and a bottle of house wine. I watched them carry sapphires rubies diamonds and pearls in their grimy hands with care and diligence but no awe or desire.

The man who so skillfully set the thousands of pounds of diamonds into the platinum setting I had personally designed worked meticulously. He was clearly determined to do it not just right, but perfectly, shoddy was not an option here when so much else in this gaudy desert hick-town frontage was. Very quickly I felt uncomfortable just being there, watching, sitting on my little stool, sitting right there behind him on a ‘boss’ stool that had been ushered in as soon as I arrived. Sure there was an attempt at CCTV but even the most half assed of card trick chancers could have made switches in their little booths with ease. Christ I could have purloined the odd stone while I was there, and blamed it on the apparent chaos and I would have probably strolled out while some poor but highly skilled sod was carted off to the clink.

As they drilled and ground and polished I felt more uncomfortable. I was there basically to accuse every one of them of being a thief, a vagabond. I tried to feign I was there for the colour - the experience, but they all knew the deal and accepted it graciously - another wealthy fat white prick determined to show ‘em who’s boss. You wont trick me boyo! To be honest I don’t think any of them even wanted to. I think they had too much honour. All those men were skilled, dedicated yet quite clearly dirt poor, but had far more dignity than me. Looking back I am quite certain not one of them would have switched my stones for crap. I enjoyed the experience and the ring is quite frankly stunning. It is worth twice back home what I paid – easily.

I learned some humility today but sadly, would I trust them to do it all again with me waiting in the front shop sipping tea?

Would I fuck.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 20:05, 10 replies)

i don't get it
half the time when you post you come across as an arrogant, narrow-minded misogynist (re your post about women over the age of 24 earlier on in the topic) and the other half is stuff like this that's thoughtful, self-aware and a good read.
What's all that about? Who's the real spimf?
My reply is as off-topic as your post, but I've been wondering idly for a while...

- ps. this probably sounds ruder than it's meant to
(jennymnemonic, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 20:13, closed)

i'm not misogynist at all
my humour is often taken for vitriol - i sometimes forget people cant see my harmless wee face behind the stuff i rant on about

i can say though i may be many things but misogynist is not one.

maybe you should read some of my best of

i'm a bit of fanny at times - but a kind and caring one

EDIT - so much so i cant even recall posting about over 24's are you sure that was me?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 20:18, closed)

I like to think
That Spimf is "Delightfully Unstable".
( Cawl, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 20:50, closed)

the real Spimf
Is nice. He's even nice to me.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 0:11, closed)

Is it just me
or does this paint the perfect picture of hundreds of elves working in a toyshop?
(Masterb3ta, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 21:31, closed)

erm so?
Is this an answer to a QOTW or a relevant /talk entry?
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 10 Dec 2008, 22:24, closed)

Maybe
but then you would have to go to /talk and who would even know if you'd ever be seen again?
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 0:13, closed)

Drowned
In the tepid mire?
*rolls eyes*

I don't have a problem with /talk, they were nothing but helpful when I asked what happens if you inject someone with petrol.
( Cawl, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 0:47, closed)

theres no milage in that
mwwahhah
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 7:16, closed)

kind of but you need to trace the thread back
www.b3ta.com/questions/cougars/post321793
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 11 Dec 2008, 7:14, closed)