So Proud
My eldest brother is 41; quite a large age gap between him and me. One sunny afternoon last year, we were playing football in his back garden, when the ball - as it always does - ended up making a bid for freedom over the fence and into a neighbour's garden.

A very irritating neighbour.

Just the past week, this neighbour had claimed that a stray football had hit his wife on the head. The week prior to that, he said another ball had killed one of his goldfish by landing in the pond. Oh, how I wish the ball had done that. And killed them both. He was due to go on holiday in a week's time - imagine the fun we'd have playing football without him.

Anyway, the latest indiscretion lead to the neighbour beginning an argument with my brother. Various banter ensued, none of which I can remember, until my brother - who I previously couldn't imagine having a set-to - ended it with one of the finest comments I've ever heard.

Gimp: "If that ball comes over once more, it's not coming back!"
Brother: "I wish I could say the same about you and your holiday!"

The gimp neighbour was lost for words. His face contorted in rage and confusion, before his head disappeared behind his fence with a sense of finality. He knew he had been defeated. That was the cue for me to nearly collapse with laughter - and pride.
(Gammon Rod A not-so-distant relative of the Crimson Helm, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 22:24, Reply)