A friend of mine..
The tightest bloke I know. I've never met anyone quite like it. Here are a few examples of his tightness:

Left his cigarettes on a bench in a hostel in Australia. He came back to the dorm, after about half an hour he realized his mistake and goes to fech them, comes back into the room "someones stolen my fucking fags" starts throwing stuff all over the room, punching the walls and kicking things over. I said what's the problem ? calm down, It's just a pack of fags, you got them cheap in Singapore anyway don't worry about it. Wrong thing to say.. His reply was along the lines of "Just a pack of fags? JUST A PACK OF FUCKING FAGS? That's going to cost me about $5". He then storms off to reception and asks the guy behind the desk if he can check CCTV to see who took the fags. The poor bloke was clearly trying to stop himself bursting into a fit of laughter and politely tells my mate he doubts he can do it for a pack of fags, but he will try his best. My mate has another tantrum and then calms down.

Bought me a beer in a club one night. Night ends, everyone goes home, every works for the week and then it's friday again. Me and him decide to meet at the pub for a few pints before we meet everyone else. We're walking to the pub and he turns to me and says "it's your round by the way" I said "okay, that's cool, but why is my round ?" he replies "Yeah, I bought you a beer last friday, you owe me one".

We're out one night (in a little area just outside the town centre). We've had a few beers and the money has run low. Time to visit the hole in the wall. It's mid december, no jackets and we're freezing our tits off. After 5 minutes of wondering we finally find a cash point. So I withdraw my cash, mate goes to withdraw his money. "F**K THAT!" he shouts "What?! You have no money?" I reply "No, this cash point charges £1.25. I'm not using it, we'll have to find another one". I tell him not to be such a tight git and just withdraw from the cash point, he has a tantrum and say's he's not paying to withdraw his own money, asks me to come with him to find another, I decline, eventualy I offer to withdraw him some money from my account, he declines because he doesn't want to have to owe money. What does it take to get him to withdraw from the cash point? I end giving him £1.25 from my wallet and persuading him to withdraw from his account just so we can get back into the warm pub. The tight arse is more than happy to accept, pulls his card out and withdraws his cash and off we go. Could not believe it..

A group of us our for a meal, the food was good, the drinks were good, conversation was good, everyone is in a good mood and everything was fine. We're all ready to move on, so we ask for the bill. Get a bill for around £200. Everyone agrees to split it evenly and chuck in £20 and whoever want's to tip just bung in some change. This is fine with everyone, except of course tight arse! "My meal didn't come to £20, i'm not paying for someone elses food, let me see the bill" Everyones eyes start rolling, everyone puts their jackets back on their laps and slumps into their chairs.. "Here we go" says another mate. He sits there, jots down everything he ate, everything he drank and then gets his phone out and starts calculating. "Oh" he says. Everyone can see the frustration in his face, he starts recalculating, "This can't be right", again he adds up his total. Eventually someone asks what is going on and will he just hurry up. He says "Okay, yeah I agree just £20 each and a small tip" Strange we all think. He dives into his wallet and produces a £20 note and seems quite happy with it. "How much did it come to?" someone asks "Errr, around £20" he replies. A mate of mine grabs the bill and takes a look. Tight arse is looking a little ashamed with himself and rightly so, after a few seconds we hear "You tight f**ker!" of course now EVERYONE want's to know his total. Turns out his total was around £35. We made him pay £40 just for being a tight arse, surprisingly he didn't even put up a fight.

I call him up from work just seeing what he is up to, says he is in town. I ask if he fancies coming back to my place for a bit of xbox and some beers. He says yeah sure. Even offers to come pick up after work. So 5.30 comes, I meet him outside and off we go. Get to my place and he says "i'm not being funny, and i don't mean to sound rude, but can you give me £3 for that lift? just that petrol prices are high and it was a little out of my way" Thought he was having a laugh and just laughed at him. Go to get out the car and he says "I'm serious, is that okay?" I said if he really wants the money he can have it. We go up to my place, he sits down and helps himself to a can of beer, I turn to him and say "that's 2 quid mate" and he laughs and cracks it open "I said no, that's 2 quid mate, those things don't just grown on trees" (i wasn't serious) he replies "oh, okay, well you can just give me one quid for the petrol" and he was dead serious.

We have a party at my girlfriends house. Everyone brings booze, even tight arse, and good times are had. Eventually most people leave and few crash over. In the morning we get up, slightly hungover, a round of coffees are made and then the rest of the party leave. A clean up operation is put in a place and me and my girlfriend get the place looking spotless. At the end we notice we have a fridge full of alcohol from all the left overs. Later that day we cook a dinner and I happen to grab one of the beers that tight arse bought round. A few weeks later he comes round, asks me "is my can of beer still here?" I laugh and say "that's long gone dude, but theres plenty of others if you want to help yourself" "you drank my beer?" he replies "well, not YOURS on purpose, just that happened to be the one I picked up" "well can you pay me back?" not believing what i'm hearing I accept just to shut him up and I ask him how much it was, he sits there and works it out and says "about 47p, don't worry about it actually" I say "no, no don't want you losing out" search through my wallet and flip him over a 50p coin. I'm expecting him to lob it back in the direction of my head realizing i'm taking the piss. He only goes and put's it in his pocket!!

A few weeks later, another session is had at my girlfriends. Same kind of thing, everyone leaves. We head off to bed, have a few more drinks and I get a phone call from my mate "Hi, I just remembered I left 3 beers in your fridge. Can you not drink them this time?" "errr, okay, i'll make sure I don't" "Cheers mate" I hang up and me and my girlfriend have a laugh. Wake up in the morning, about half an hour after waking up I get a text, it's tight arse. Just texting to remind you not to drink my beer, just you might have been a bit pissed last night and not remembered. Cheers!. Unbelievable. and yes, of course I drank them!

Another time we're at a park and ride and hop on the bus. Just as we're walking to the bus my mate turns to me and says "Can you pay for this one?" I say "yeah sure, you don't have any cash" He says "No, I do, just you owe me £4" "I do? what for?" I ask "don't you remember? about 3 weeks ago we ordered a pizza and I put in £4 more than anyone else" is his reply.

Once refused to go out for a friends 21st birthday because it was in London and that is over priced.

Once asked me to pay him back for a £1 pizza he bought me from Asda.

When backpacking in Oz he was furious when we got an apartment for the night. It wasn't the price, he was over the moon with the price. After sleeping in a tent for the last few weeks we had a huge place with tv, oven, sofas, 2 rooms, a fridge and air con. I scope the big bed and shout "SHOTGUN THE BIG BED" and throw my gear on it. He looks in the next room and see's a bunk bed in a room not much wider than the bed itself. He hits the roof! "You can't have that bed, that is not fair". I said "Well what's fair? Neither of us have it? I called it, that is fair, that is how we always do things" He has a tantrum and comes back with "Well you pay 15 dollars more, i'm not paying half when you have the bigger bed" I politely tell him to do one. We end up paying half each and I got the big bed.

There are plently more and if they come to me I will post them. This guy is the tighest git I know. He is a nice enough guy apart from that though. You would think he is earning nothing from the way he acts, but he does earn a fair bit. Also, I noticed a lot of the stories included drinking. We're not alcoholic's.. honest :0)
(Cannibal Clown, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 21:36, 17 replies)

I'm with your mate on the cash machines
I will not use any cash machine that charges me for the privilege of getting at my own money. My bank makes enough income from the money I have in my account (and pays fuck-all interest in comparison) to subsidise the cost of providing a hole in the wall. £1.25 per withdrawal? I'd have to withdraw more than my daily limit for the percentage to drop to a reasonable level. Ain't gonna happen.

Those thieving scrotes who think it's okay to have a cash machine which charges for its services need a kick in the 'nads, and hard. If no-one used the fucking things, they'd soon disappear.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 22:05, closed)

the way it works is
when its a cash machine in a shop then the shop will get charged a fee for having the machine in place, thus they need to get this back by charging the customer, that way the banks never lose.
(imallamallama looking forward to llamageddon on, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 22:18, closed)

I know how it works
And I refuse to play along. Eventually there will be no branches, and the only way of getting cash will be from machines which charge usurious percentages as fees. So I do my tiny (and ineffectual) bit to delay the inevitable by not using them.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 22:57, closed)

oh my god
why do you bother with him?
(imallamallama looking forward to llamageddon on, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 22:12, closed)

Word!
Word. I would have left him in the cold and headed back to pub with my money. They only get worse if you enable them.
(Mrs.Fonebone, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 23:31, closed)

a few points
seems fair enough if he bought you a beer the week before that you now owe him one.(if he indeed did buy you a beer)

i dont think i'd be happy splitting the bill if i was in a bunk bed and someone else was in the big bed!

most of its not too bad and we're probably all guilty of it from time to time, but i figure that he's like that all the time!
and i guess you are disecting everything he does and finding how it is tight arsed.


asking for 47p for his can of beer is priceless though!
(suboftheday, Sun 26 Oct 2008, 23:06, closed)

the 47p beer,
you should have asked for your change
(pogo_it, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 12:22, closed)

HAHA!
I should have actually
(Cannibal Clown, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 19:33, closed)

...
At the start of the road trip we agreed that everything we buy together (alcohol, petrol, camp sites/hostels) we split right down the middle so that it's all even. I can see what you're saying, but if he called the bed first then that would of been it and he would not have offered me more money. I would of said fair play to him and carry on the good times - not kick up a fuss.

As for buying a mate a beer A WEEK before then telling me to buy him one back - that's just tight lol I'd never ask a mate for a beer back, i'd just feel stupid.

But you are right - 47p can of beer still cracks me up lol
(Cannibal Clown, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 19:33, closed)

Suggestions on splitting the bill evenly...
are always made by the person who has eaten/drunk the most.
( Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 8:49, closed)

Splitting the bill
evenly is just what grown ups do.

What pisses me off is when someone pipes up "but I only had soft drinks" when they cost as much as alcoholic drinks in most restaurants.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:09, closed)

Ive sometimes not liked the idea of splitting the bill meal.
For instance,

We went for a meal with a load of people, a lot of them we didnt know. I was driving, and my g/f at the time doesnt eat that much food in one go. So I just had water whereas the other half just had a starter. Everyone else were ordering bottles of wine and 3 courses. Somehow paying £40 each just didnt make sense to us!
(Miggyman, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 10:05, closed)

Fazakerley

It tries to happen every time me and the G/f go out for a meal with friends, I normally get around it by stating at the start that I'm probably going to have the fillet steak so it would be unfair of me to expect them to pay for some of my food and then when agreed I just change my mind and have the seafood as usual.

If they insist that it's OK to split, I'll order the fillet and a bottle of nice red just to make sure I get my money's worth.

But that's not tight - it's just fair play.



(Kip, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 13:56, closed)

it depends what the disparity is
In the long run it's better just to split the bill. Sometimes you 'win', and sometimes you 'lose'. Overall it mostly works out.

On the other hand, if there is a clear difference between what some people have had (at a meal at the weekend myself and some friends had some very expensive (but delicious) beer, others only had fruit juice) - so we paid a bit more than an equal split so they could pay a little less.

I really can't stand each person having to spend exactly the right amount in 98% of cases, though. It ruins the atmosphere, creates arguments and causes hassles with change.

It may be I'm wealthy enough not to count the pennies when going out for a meal, but my attitude is that if you have to count the pennies you should be eating somewhere else. There's plenty of cheap restaurants and buffets if you know where to look that I've used when skint, and avoid the ludicrously expensive ones.
(EssY, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:27, closed)

"Overall it mostly works out."
Exactly.

I have absolutely no idea whether I've spent more money paying for my oldest friend than he has paying for me. Maybe he owes me some cash, maybe I owe him some cash. Neither of us knows, and neither of us cares. It all balances out in the end.

And that's how I handle buying rounds, paying for meals, cinema tickets, stuff like that. Some I win, some I lose, but it all evens out. And if one of my associates is cuntish enough to avoid paying his fair share for long enough that the rest of us notice, he soon ceases to be an associate and the rest of us consider the extra cash it cost us a decent price to pay for getting rid of him.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 0:33, closed)

i just find all of that really embarrasing
i think there is something a bit wrong with people like that, its akin to aspurgers or OCD. Their obsessive pennypinching seems to overide the aspect in normal people that would interally voice "erm your being a prick and its really awkward for those around you, can you just like - not do that"
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 16:29, closed)

This sounds EXACTLY like my ex-boyfriend
Are you sure you don't live in Belgium? ;-)
Don't get me wrong, I loved him dearly, and he was an ace person in every sense, but unfortunately he had a severe case of tightass which bothered me immensely.

We lived together for two years, he had LOTS more money than I have, but he still insisted that every cent was paid back. Not that it was ever my intention to live off his back, not at all, but even with a very small income I succeeded in paying a few rounds whenever we went out, etc. The worst bit was when my brother was over once, we were all starving and there was no food in the house (it was a Sunday) so he went out to the local chip shop, and only got himself food because we didn't have any money on us. My brother and my ex got along greatly but I was so ashamed in that moment... He also kept a detailed expense account of whenever he had been to the bakery to pick up some bread, fruit etc. and I was expected to pay him my half back at the end of the week or he would add interest to the amount!

Strangely enough he had his rare periods of extreme generosity though, taking me out for fancy meals, giving me great gifts, and although that was always very nice, it's the day-to-day stuff that really makes a difference.
(St. Dymphna, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:19, closed)