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hi, have a new thread
Hoping for anything special for Chrimbo? Got anyone anything special?

I am a bit stumped as to what to get my wife tbh.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 11:55, Reply)
can't go wrong with chocolate bumholes

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 11:56, Reply)
I didn't even think they were real
www.firebox.com/Edible-Anus/p6969
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 11:57, Reply)
fucking hell

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:06, Reply)
off the shelf rubbish
be better if you could have them made to your own mould
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:40, Reply)
https://www.firebox.com/Chocolate-Starfish/p7465

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:49, Reply)
Latex enema, you could model your whole intestine
A unique and unusual gift for the woman who wants to know you inside and out
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:55, Reply)
That's for sure.
You could even find a narrow and very flexible hose and thread it all the way up your arse until the end comes up through your throat, and pump chocolate through it so as to be your very own chocolate fountain.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:03, Reply)
Surely an edible anus is just an anus

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 16:58, Reply)
She wants the best of Neil Diamond and a crate of soy sauce

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 11:59, Reply)
not a-GAIN

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:09, Reply)
You can never have enough soy sauce
Same with the timeless music of Neil Diamond
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:14, Reply)
Sweet n' sour Caroline

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:27, Reply)
Rhine Soy Cowboy

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:56, Reply)
My kids never know what they want, and anything I want is too expensive for them to buy

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:00, Reply)
yeah my kid never really wants anything
I've got her a ticket to the English National Ballet, a new 3DS game and a dress, along with some small novelty items
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:07, Reply)
I'll just dish out some bits and bobs and cash I suppose

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:12, Reply)
mine's not old enough to need cash yet
we started a spreadsheet of pocket money a while ago, it's about a couple of hundred quid now because she's never spent anything
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:15, Reply)
She'll spend it before long, my daughter did say she needs some new jeans , so cash it is then

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:18, Reply)
she's accrued more pocket money at the age of 9 than I received in my entire childhood

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:19, Reply)
Biggie doesn't believe in father christmas, easter bunny, anything like that
until one of his fucking teeth fall out. Amazing how easily his belief system alters when there's cash involved
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:21, Reply)
I held off letting my lot watch Gremlins, this Halloween,
lest the "father in the chimney" story ruin the Christmas magic.
Come Christmas Eve, when I'll be wrapping the stocking fillers, I shall rue this decision.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:36, Reply)
Both of mine figured it out when they were quite small
They still pretend for the sake of their cousins, which is very considerate, I think.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:39, Reply)
You're raising them right. I'm not convinced that any but my youngest still believe,
but the other two are keeping mum so as to keep the presents coming.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:44, Reply)
What's Tupac's take on this?

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:36, Reply)
He's pretty quiet on the subject.
This is the case for pretty much all subjects tbh
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:40, Reply)
that's what they want you to think, m8

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:44, Reply)
He'll have a new album out for Christmas.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:45, Reply)
"spreadsheet of pocket money"?
And I thought I was the resident Excel sadsack.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:20, Reply)
My wife's just as bad

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:23, Reply)
As of right now I've given no thought whatsoever to the matter.
There's obviously a part of my brain that is aware that Christmas is in just over a month's time, but I haven't done a single festive thing to recognise the fact. The closest I've come so far is almost buying a Christmas music CD at the supermarket last week.

My dad says the only thing he wants for Christmas is for me to come down and see him, so I've just got to get train tickets organised. My brother and I never get each other anything.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:01, Reply)
my brother's getting a book of photographs from the free festival era
he'll fucking love it, bless him
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:08, Reply)
Is there a pull-out supplement on the Treworgey Tree Fayre?

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:39, Reply)
that he does
It is by far the favourite, even better than the Donald Trump loo roll.....
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:35, Reply)
this is another one, for xmas

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:39, Reply)
Tits

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:01, Reply)
I don't know what I want, and I don't know what anyone else wants.
Good thing Christmas is ages away.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:05, Reply)
I like to spread out the expenditure across a couple of months

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:11, Reply)
I always think I ought to do that,
but I never really think about it until it's too late.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:15, Reply)
Ive asked for some Hummel Hi Tops, don't really want much else tbh.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:07, Reply)
I...see......

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:09, Reply)
I like em...
trainer slags.
I have a gift idea of one of those solar powered spinning globes
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:51, Reply)
Not for your wife, of course

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:51, Reply)
Get her a white gold necklace
With a snowflake pendant studded with diamond chips. It's what I've wanted for ages.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:11, Reply)
I really don't think I could choose jewellery for her, she's fucking fussy
I can choose sneakers for her, that's it apparel-wise
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:16, Reply)

Best of both worlds.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:19, Reply)
this is alright
i.pinimg.com/originals/34/03/4d/34034d7b4dc9305eb3057508f2ef4c1e.jpg
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:21, Reply)
Tell her every snowflake is beautiful, delicate and unique, like her.
If that doesn't get you a Christmas blow job, nothing will.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:26, Reply)
*writes this down*

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:30, Reply)
hells bells
Not sure I'd want to be with a woman who'd fall for that
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:33, Reply)
Maybe not all the time.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:48, Reply)
15 minutes, tops

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:03, Reply)
You'd be amazed how many would

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:04, Reply)
Think most women want this
m.tiffany.co.uk/accessories/desk/everyday-objects-sterling-silver-tin-can-60559139
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:16, Reply)
good grief

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:19, Reply)
Not more kitchen stuff!

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:29, Reply)
Mrs Hats never wants anything

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:18, Reply)
which is handy

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:19, Reply)
disgusting

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:20, Reply)
*jingles bells*

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:22, Reply)
only your unconditional love
that's priceless
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:20, Reply)
natch

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:21, Reply)
up her s+

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:23, Reply)
lewd

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:24, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:33, Reply)
Apart from an end to your reign as domestic tyrant

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:26, Reply)
Heavy is the head that wears the crown

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:33, Reply)
Tell her on facebook that the money you'd have spent on her has gone to charity.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:32, Reply)
Dear Wife, fulfilling your desire for expensive trinkets is of less importance to me than buying new feet for Kurdish landmine toddlers, love Richard

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:34, Reply)
ps. I think everyone on here will agree that I'm the better person for taking this stand

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:36, Reply)
It's more of a stand than those poor kids can make.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:39, Reply)
wahey!

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:40, Reply)
I love basking in the glow of those more righteous, and vegans

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:42, Reply)
strikethrough tofu guffs

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:43, Reply)
yep

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:40, Reply)
I just want records
I'm really easy to buy for and not very good at buying for others, it's not fair
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:38, Reply)
yeah I can produce a long list in about 5 minutes, piece of piss

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:39, Reply)
Get bent.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:38, Reply)
calm down 'Dynamo from the Running Man'

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:41, Reply)
lol, lol, and thrice lol

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:47, Reply)
I might get you a punch in the fucking face for Christmas

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:50, Reply)
It's nice that Tyson Fury's hip hop career is finally taking off

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:53, Reply)
do him over, mate

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:57, Reply)
I do not want presents!
EVER! no one has a friggin' clue as to what "I" like. I'll take a nice 12" tho, nothing wrong with that. you know, vinyl LP record? but I will dwarf any present-giver by the presents "I" give because "I" know what is good.

See, there is an "I" in ChrIStmas. selfish lot always wanting something.
#live2give
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:41, Reply)
I bet you're up for a nice 12", YDOB.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:45, Reply)
A black shiny one, too

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:48, Reply)
Crate of soy sauce for you

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:53, Reply)
I wouldn't say no to a nice 12"
Not in a stocking, though
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:06, Reply)
jason manford's album

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 12:53, Reply)

al
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:19, Reply)
I do love a bit of white chocolate

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:22, Reply)
the milky bars are up me!

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:27, Reply)