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alright

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:01, Reply)
I've just taken delivery of 300 loratadine tablets.
It's the closest I've felt to a proper drug dealer.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:12, Reply)
well I hope he felt the same way x

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:15, Reply)
Well *I* thought it was funny

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:11, Reply)
me 2 m8

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:13, Reply)
thanks m8 ur the best

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:23, Reply)
validating your existence by clicking 'I like this!'

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:35, Reply)
X

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:44, Reply)
my bloke is an aging hippy that never lets me leave without showing me all the stuff he's recently bought in a car boot sale

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:18, Reply)
I AM *NOT* 'YOUR BLOKE'

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:13, Reply)
I OWN YOU

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:26, Reply)
Where are you bulk purchasing antihistamines from?
Cetirizine Hydrochloride is my drug of choice, it'd be handy to be able to buy more than a fortnight's worth in one go.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:20, Reply)
that's too many candles, really
let's be honest
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:22, Reply)
Can't I consolidate them into one, manageable, candle?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:24, Reply)
i'm sure you could if you tried hard enough

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:30, Reply)
I bought 300 for £11 off Amazon.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:32, Reply)
Didn't realise you could buy pharmaceuticals from Amazon.
Probably worth checking out. Let me know if you get poisoned, yeah?
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:36, Reply)
Will do. Isn't that Cetrizine stuff drowsy?
Bioeva is good for things like melatonin.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:40, Reply)
Cetirizine had been the most effective, for me, and I don't feel any more dopey than usual.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:30, Reply)
amazon sell gummi bears that make you shit yourself
i don't think they're that stringent

[source]
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:53, Reply)
who knew mcbeef was a girl?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:01, Reply)
that's just his pen name
or his stage name
or his pseudonym
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:28, Reply)
well which is it, man?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:36, Reply)
dunno, i was just thinking of that scene from 'rango'

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:37, Reply)
That was an odd film.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:39, Reply)
it was
i really liked it though. the characters were quite grotesque and the humour was pretty advanced for what appeared to be a kids film
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:42, Reply)
Yeah.
My kids were bemused by the whole thing. Clearly, the marketing was a little off, as ib rather enjoyed it.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:46, Reply)
I quite liked the bleak existential despair in WALL-E for that.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:48, Reply)
I liked the cute little robots.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:55, Reply)
I think this is a valuable lesson to anyone considering buying 5lb of sweets at one time for their own consumption.
Then again in my day you could get 'joke' sugar that gave you the runs/wind.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:03, Reply)
'joke' in this case meaning 'poisoned'

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:26, Reply)
It was a simpler time.
Itching powder probably wasn't very good for people either.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:28, Reply)
Then again we made children's toys with paint that caused retardation and delinquency, so... you know.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:31, Reply)
yeah but kids are more delinquent and retarded than ever
so what's the lesson here?
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:38, Reply)
People have been saying that forever though. I dunno if it's true.
Then again welfare cuts probably has affected it.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:41, Reply)
i just wanted to make a sweeping generalisation about the young because i'm a bitter old husk

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:45, Reply)
has anyone else noticed how young bitter old husks seem to be nowadays?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:15, Reply)
I think he's just trying to fit in with you and the old forum users like two hats and the like

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:18, Reply)
mods today have no respect for their elders

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:26, Reply)
i'm a bitter old husk
anyone older than me is a dusty old cadaver or worse; two hats
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:19, Reply)


(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:23, Reply)
i assumed you'd fallen asleep because your chair was in a sunbeam

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:25, Reply)
I prefer to move in the shadows

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:26, Reply)
Haha, not really
As if I've ever moved anywhere
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:26, Reply)
Dictation being forced in Afghanistan

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:27, Reply)
is this a cryptic crossword clue?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:28, Reply)
10 down

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:31, Reply)
+ing st.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:35, Reply)

www.imdb.com/title/tt3640272/
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:38, Reply)
looks proper tasty!

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:39, Reply)
blimey! the trailer makes it look like a sixth form project

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:40, Reply)
haha, one of the crew works here at the uni and is a *proper* cunt

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:43, Reply)
"Yeah, I'm just working here until Chris Nolan calls me. We call him Chris, but you have to call him Christopher."

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:45, Reply)
haha
the first line of the first review i found of it essentially says "this guy makes shit films on the reg, and yet this one is even worse"
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:49, Reply)
just looked over some of their profiles
they are all about quantity rather than quality.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:57, Reply)
i think it's on netflix if you want more!

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:43, Reply)
I've actually seen that

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:44, Reply)
lol gutted

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:46, Reply)
why?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:46, Reply)
cameo by Joey Essex

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:58, Reply)
ah, of course
'the peng factor'
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:09, Reply)
I think the most captivatingly shit film I've seen in Gymkata.
www.imdb.com/title/tt0089243/?ref_=nv_sr_1
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:58, Reply)
that looks incredible
if you haven't already, check out redlettermedia. they do film reviews in various forms but one of their series is 'best of the worst' where they review shitty old vhs films. it's amusing stuff: redlettermedia.com/best-of-the-worst/
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 13:20, Reply)
Morning all
Back to the grind, etc.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 7:00, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 7:12, Reply)
Orite Beefsy

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 7:31, Reply)
Great start to the day
Walking down the canal in glorious sunshine, I witnessed a hipster on a hot pink fixie bike cycle into the wall at the entrance to a tunnel. And because his feet were clipped into his pedals he couldn't stop himself from tipping over. Right into a filthy, overfilled bin.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 7:53, Reply)
Its moments like this that make life truly worth living

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 8:34, Reply)
*canned laughter*

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 8:34, Reply)
#yeahrightgodby

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 8:51, Reply)
I swear down
He was scarlet and sweating profusely
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:27, Reply)
Did the wall come out of nowhere?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:15, Reply)
Yeah, Richard painted a tunnel opening on it.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:21, Reply)
Wile E. mcbeef

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:29, Reply)
mm has candles!

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:14, Reply)
They're a fire hazard, and the HSE should shut this site down.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:18, Reply)
*sizzle*

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 12:20, Reply)
Lumberjack shirt?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:16, Reply)
We got plaid shirts for all the kids.
It's like living with a series of failed attempts to clone Kurt Cobain.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:32, Reply)
^americanism

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:47, Reply)
I'd wager small money that "lumberjack" is one of their words, too.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:57, Reply)
^ lumbersexual

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:13, Reply)
I identify as wood

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:16, Reply)
I am shrubkin, I guess that's close enough. Wanna cyber?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:20, Reply)
yep

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:22, Reply)
My wife called me that, once.
I'm having an affair with a dryad.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:17, Reply)

phwoar!!
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:21, Reply)
Well, that's me set for the day.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:23, Reply)

phwoar??
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:27, Reply)
lumberjack match?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:50, Reply)
this actually means
"I got caught short and had to shit in a bin just as a hipster was cycling past me."
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:18, Reply)
Did you make a face?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:54, Reply)
^ TRIGGER WARNING

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:58, Reply)
not me
I' m off until Friday
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 7:53, Reply)
Pardon

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 7:54, Reply)
NOT ME
I'M OFF UNTIL FRIDAY
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 7:57, Reply)
You dirty cheater

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 7:59, Reply)
Morning micto
You lucky cunt, you
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 8:41, Reply)
I've got to meet people about a care plan today, unfortunately I don't care, gonna be awkward

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 8:21, Reply)
Morning mongy
Nice ironic statement there, sort of thing the skipster of McBeef's anecdote would enjoy
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 8:40, Reply)
I'm not working today so I'm off to the beach.
Fuck you.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:03, Reply)
Hope you've invited Gerald.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:09, Reply)
Happy candles.
Gerald told me not to go to Brighton because the gays all kiss in public and it's disgusting.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:23, Reply)
He's got a point.
I get slightly gayer with each visit.
Buy a stick of rock to eat suggestively. I'm sure he'll love that.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:28, Reply)
why do you even need to be in brighton once a week anyway?

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:00, Reply)
Combining business with pleasure.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:03, Reply)
Life's a beach and then you die!
Hopefully in a freak snorkelling accident
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:36, Reply)
Jokes on you, I'm not going snorkeling.

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:48, Reply)
hence the freak aspect of it

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:51, Reply)
morning
"TEAM WINS FOOTBALL" is the big news story of the day, for some reason. I suppose it's a break from "AKNOWLEDGEMENT OF HITLER MAKES YOU ANTI-SEMITIC".
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:05, Reply)
14 years?
It feels like so much longer.
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:08, Reply)
I agree

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:10, Reply)
don't worry
they will be mid table next season
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:15, Reply)
Don't worry
they will be coffee table by next season
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:17, Reply)
Don't worry
They'll table a motion next season
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:23, Reply)
Don't worry
Be happy
doo doo do doo do doo
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:33, Reply)
hiya

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:15, Reply)
Morning Schutzstaffel Shaffel

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:24, Reply)
Good morning fellow grinder

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:34, Reply)

lol wat
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:46, Reply)
Gutted I missed masturbation monday :(

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:48, Reply)
get yourself ready for wanking wednesday

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:53, Reply)
I won't be the one left behind

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:37, Reply)
never
x
(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:39, Reply)
last

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 10:38, Reply)
come on, lastie!

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 11:17, Reply)
wotcha
someone else needs to do the morning thread tomorrow, I've got the day off.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 19:50, Reply)
Your leave request is still in my in tray, soz lol

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 19:53, Reply)
Bumholes

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 20:38, Reply)
this is an acceptable response

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 20:43, Reply)
Your nan.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 20:49, Reply)

b3ta.com/users/manage.php?search=bumholes
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 20:48, Reply)
^bumless and Gonz^

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 20:51, Reply)
Andy Fairweather Low's less-successzzzzz

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 20:55, Reply)
Fuck off

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 21:04, Reply)
Nah I'm getting drunk for lester winning the footy

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 22:00, Reply)
I don't follow the football, but Leicester winning is a hell of an achievement and the whole thing got me excited for a sport I've never been big on.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 22:15, Reply)
Good to know

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 22:46, Reply)
^excited because Gary Linekar promised if Leicester won he'd present MOTD in his pants

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 22:55, Reply)
Oh do fuck off

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 23:33, Reply)
no u

(, Tue 3 May 2016, 9:35, Reply)
Anti-Flag

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 19:26, Reply)
hlomophobe

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 19:31, Reply)
Oh come on now, really

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 19:44, Reply)
Fuck! So sorry I'm late. Been crazy few weeks
er, not really, just not visiting here that much.

Hello.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 14:16, Reply)
Hello

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 14:22, Reply)
Lol blanked

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:10, Reply)
delete this please

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 16:43, Reply)
^trigger

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:45, Reply)
*falls through open bar hatch*

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 19:08, Reply)
oh soz

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 16:44, Reply)
hi

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 16:42, Reply)
harrow

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 16:44, Reply)
Oh hey

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:46, Reply)
hi colmcq2, how are you?

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 14:44, Reply)
not bad. How you?

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 14:47, Reply)
not too bad. I have a baby sitting on me and it's making it hard to do any work

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 14:51, Reply)
My boss just had a son so he's off work for the next three weeks I guess

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 14:52, Reply)
I only got 2 weeks.
Having babies isn't the easiest way to get time off work I've found
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 14:58, Reply)
Good afternoon forum friend colmcq2

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 14:57, Reply)
Hiya
I'm researching cuddly toys to buy 1 week old baby. Ideas?
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:00, Reply)
it's a week old, it can't cuddle
go for very colourful and shiny things, mostly in prime colours. kid will just be focusing on those for a while
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:11, Reply)
Fuck that noise The LOVELY Smashy.
It'll want booze and fags. And stuff that makes a lot of noise to annoy the parents.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:25, Reply)
nonono, you're thinking of their first christmas
that's when it's entirely appropriate for single aunts or uncles to buy the kid drum kits, air horns, squeaky hippos and anything that leaks paint and/or glitter
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:32, Reply)
It's ALWAYS appropriate to buy the little shit machines those. :D

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:35, Reply)
i'm no expert on babies
i treat them like unexploded bombs; hold them at arm's length, panic and give them to someone else as soon as possible
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:41, Reply)
Here you go
ic.pics.livejournal.com/angelinehawkes/9851132/60097/60097_320.jpg
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:23, Reply)
^ that ^
Or a glass jar full of assorted sized nails
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:24, Reply)

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/12/99/69/129969830edd5fe7be3849b7ba56a2be.jpg
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:26, Reply)
WANT!
:D
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:29, Reply)
Herro cormq.
'noon /talk
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:18, Reply)
'noongles stuj

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:25, Reply)
'noonboots The LOVELY Muppsy

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:27, Reply)
aargh stuj is still here!
stuj!! \o/
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:36, Reply)
\o/ The LOVELIEST Vlady!
HUZZAH!
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:43, Reply)

yeahhh
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 15:47, Reply)
Hello arachnid luvver

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 16:31, Reply)
'NIng you babymetal obsessive. Didja see 'em at Wembley?

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 18:57, Reply)
No
Didn't go. Was hoping for smaller venue cos that would have been more violent
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 20:21, Reply)
Hi stuj poster

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:03, Reply)
'Ning Beefy.
[EDIT] The LOVELY
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 18:55, Reply)
Hi stud!

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:24, Reply)
I think my phone fancies you

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:25, Reply)
So what's the deal with this stupid weather?

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:29, Reply)
Bank holiday innit.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 18:57, Reply)
'Ning The LOVELY 2 Can.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 18:55, Reply)
hi

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 16:43, Reply)
low

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 16:44, Reply)
My cousin is called colm

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 16:53, Reply)
Is he a meany?

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:42, Reply)
Dunno, live in dublin, I don't, soz

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 18:13, Reply)
Hey, great to hear from you
Hope you're well
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:20, Reply)

Hello
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 20:21, Reply)
My eye keeps twitching.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:22, Reply)
It's called blepharospasm and it's not a good sign I'm afraid

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:36, Reply)
The shittest ancient eygypt boy king

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 17:53, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 18:42, Reply)
Hi mano

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 18:52, Reply)
Have you had your lunch yet?
I had a tomato flavoured cup-a-soup btw.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:37, Reply)
Beef and mustard sarnie, leftover from yesterday's roast

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:53, Reply)
I've eaten a packet of oreos as it was the only food I could access without the baby screaming

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:54, Reply)
You really shouldn't keep babies in the fridge

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:57, Reply)
fuck 'em,
they're only babies
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 13:30, Reply)
ian watkins technologies

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 13:33, Reply)
Nope

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:56, Reply)
What the fuck has it got to do with you eh, fuck off

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 13:06, Reply)
Y

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 13:10, Reply)
tuna sandwich,
with mayo and black olives. Brown bread.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 13:25, Reply)
I had a croissant and some cake like some sort of continental whoopsy

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 13:35, Reply)
Mods! ! Shambles has hacked another account

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 13:37, Reply)
morning

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 8:26, Reply)
alright , miserable out today

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 8:42, Reply)
Chalk and cheese with yesterday eh

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 9:30, Reply)
Yeah, might have to sit inside the pub today

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 9:35, Reply)
I was down the Ten Bells in Spitalfields yesterday afternoon.
Despit the tourists it was fucking lovely
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:57, Reply)
Morning Richard, how are you?
I have a hangover after putting too much red wine in my bolognese last night and am trying to make as little noise as possible so my wife doesn't realise I'm up and hand me the baby to look after.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 8:44, Reply)
Good ta
No hangover here. Going to make pasta for lunch with new machine. Never done it before, may well be scheisse
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 9:33, Reply)
Is it one of these?
i.ytimg.com/vi/7JHTeiTPPV0/hqdefault.jpg
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:18, Reply)
No.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:54, Reply)

www.amazon.co.uk/Marcato-08-0155-12-00/dp/B000679FZ8
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:59, Reply)
The machine is the same as ours
but we don't have the motor. I wonder if I could get a motor for mine. That being said, you have total control over it using the crank. Let me know how it works.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Total BUMHOLE using the WANK more like
It seems we're bottling it and going for Vietnamese instead. My future sister in law brought us home made maple syrup so we had US style blueberry pancakes for brekko. Not very nice tbh
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:54, Reply)
I'm so rich, I pay people to make pasta for me.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:45, Reply)
morning richard
my life has plunged to untold depths of misery as the missus wants to go to Ikea.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 9:59, Reply)
haha, everything there is shit and rubbish

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:18, Reply)
Must be nice having an independent missus

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:21, Reply)
Be sure to purchase 500 tea lights.
Then bin 498 of them next time you move house.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:56, Reply)
WANK holiday BUMGAY, I call it!

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:38, Reply)
No you don't.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:52, Reply)
Fuck off, I do

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 11:17, Reply)
I've got a nose bleed

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 11:20, Reply)
Oh dear
Picking too much, or not enough?
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 11:36, Reply)
I dunno. It seems to have stopped.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:19, Reply)
DIAGNOSIS: Viral hemorrhagic fever, possibly ebola
You're welcome
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:52, Reply)
you're crazy!!!

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 10:55, Reply)
I never know what I'm going to say next!

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 11:17, Reply)
I literally don't, and it's very worrying
It makes any kind of social situation very unpredictable
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 11:18, Reply)
HOLEY GAY, surely

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 11:08, Reply)
bit heretical m8

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 11:17, Reply)
MoHOMOed, more like

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 12:28, Reply)
Evening

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 19:48, Reply)
Ok

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 19:51, Reply)
'spose so
check out this jolly fella: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOWdp1sOxvA
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 19:59, Reply)
Might be a virus no thanks

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 20:06, Reply)
what's brown and sounds like a bell? ... dungggg ... <3 Eric Idle

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 20:12, Reply)
Thats the stuff

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 20:14, Reply)
just thought of this: what's brown and sits on a bellend ... eeeeeew yucky nasty

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 20:15, Reply)
wait no, some people might find this offensive

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 20:18, Reply)
Ahh that old 'what's the similarity between Freddie Mercury and Ayrton Senner?' gag.

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 21:33, Reply)
yeah
fresh beats
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 22:49, Reply)
Oh fuck, I missed stuj!
That completes a thoroughly shit weekend, which started with me locking the keys to the hire car in the boot just as we were supposed to set off for the airport.
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 23:08, Reply)
Doesn't it take a concerted effort to lock keys in a car now central locking is a thing?

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 23:17, Reply)
They fell into the boot whilst I was putting the cases in, then I realised just after I closed the boot and it decided to lock itself.
Toyotas are cunts
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 0:11, Reply)
I think theres still old cars

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 0:34, Reply)
well it's swings and roundabouts though really isn't it
because I also missed stuj but am somewhat cheered by this rare example of karma functioning correctly, nobody, but nobody, not the hardest working person in the whole of the wide world, needs as many holidays as you take, STOP GOING ON BLOODY HOLIDAY WILL YOU?
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 7:52, Reply)
My last holiday before that was November. TBH there are other things I would rather spend money on but my wife likes holidays and I suppose I can do without nice cars and expensive watches.

(, Mon 2 May 2016, 8:42, Reply)

My last holiday before that was November. TBH there are other things I would rather spend money on but my wife likes holidays and I suppose I can do without nice cars and expensive watches.
I go on holiday twice a week
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 11:13, Reply)
Afternoon

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 16:22, Reply)
alright

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 16:33, Reply)
Hey

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 18:11, Reply)
lol

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 16:39, Reply)
alright rich

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 16:50, Reply)
Ok

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 17:01, Reply)
All the pubs within walking distance of my house are shit.
We've had to cycle to the next village. Can't complain, it's a nice way to spend a Sunday afternoon.
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 17:38, Reply)
Cool

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 19:43, Reply)
did you not check that out before you moved in?

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 22:42, Reply)
There used to be a nice pub at the end of the road, but it changed hands and the new owner seems determined to make it as shitty as all the others.
Pity, really, although the local spoons has thinned the crowd in some of the other pubs, so all is not necessarily lost.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 7:07, Reply)
ah,
typical, they ruined our favourite pub recently as well, apparently they'd rather get students in than people who'd been loyal customers for decades.
(, Mon 2 May 2016, 13:37, Reply)
Yes

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 17:43, Reply)
Noongles

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 18:52, Reply)
morning
you cunts
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 9:17, Reply)
morning micto

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 9:23, Reply)
Hi

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 9:35, Reply)

bit rude
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 9:40, Reply)
hello, darling

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 10:03, Reply)
urgh

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 10:17, Reply)
another great start to the day

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 10:24, Reply)
Morning

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 11:18, Reply)
Hey

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 11:51, Reply)
I've got train cans.

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 15:32, Reply)
Eveninh

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 0:16, Reply)
yo
yo
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 0:18, Reply)
doffs hat'h

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 0:19, Reply)
'Ning the LOVELY Gobbo.

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 1:25, Reply)
hey it's stuj!
wotcha
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 9:23, Reply)
I'm still drunk from last night/ thismorning/ this afternoon. I've got a vague suspicion that I possibly should have been in That London tonight
But I can't see any ticket in my ticket drawer for any gigs this week.
How are the LOVELY /talk doing on this fine long weekend?
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:10, Reply)
(^(^;;^)^)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCdeCCIcTVI
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:17, Reply)
:D (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!
(^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM THE LOVELT ARTIFUS!
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:34, Reply)
i love tea too

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 22:39, Reply)
Alright Stoodge.
www.b3ta.com/talk/7930786
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:33, Reply)
Looks like I summoned you, or something.

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:34, Reply)
Probably. I hope you used science what man was not meant to know.
:D
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:35, Reply)
HUN DAN!
'Ning The LOVELY Mr Tea
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:34, Reply)
OBSIDIAN NIPPLES!
Good to see you, old timer.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:40, Reply)
hello

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:36, Reply)
'Ning The LOVELY and WRONG Emm Gee Tee. You terrible Coco-Pops banner, you.

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 21:38, Reply)
oh well,
there'll always be sugar puffs
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 23:21, Reply)
i wondered what that funny smell was

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 23:24, Reply)
No. The cunts have called them Honey Puffs now.
I haven't been this angry since they changed the name of Marathons.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 23:37, Reply)
I'm glad you're back, the loveliest stuj.

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 23:15, Reply)
Ta The LOVELIER Double Emm.
I'm listening to Dream Theatre now on the recommendation of a mate who couldn't believe that I don't own any of their stuff. Don't like 'em too much, but they do a passable (but almost fucking identical) cover to this bit of excellence. :D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Aa2OqjP9tY
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 23:41, Reply)
oh stu...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNLHOTn81Cw
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 23:49, Reply)
flim
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYimjHuU99c
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 0:12, Reply)
Oh, stuj:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-28524348
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 8:30, Reply)
Alright.
I'm in the north. Cracking gig, and there's a chubby barmaid in ill fitting faux leather leggings. Doesn't get much better than this.
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 0:07, Reply)
I was in the Wheatsheaf last night. It hasn't changed a bit.
'Ning The LOVELY Win Pug.
(, Sun 1 May 2016, 0:10, Reply)
STUUUUUUJ !!!! <3 /\\:://\

(, Sun 1 May 2016, 18:12, Reply)
Hi fannyfarts
Richard checking in. I'm about to get annihilamated. U?
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 15:35, Reply)
Tempted to do likewise.
Currently doing my accounts. More boring than transsexual monkey porn.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 16:21, Reply)
Pleasantly high and relaxing with a delicious cider in a holiday cottage on the Sussex coast. Pretty mint, all told.
Lol, I guess you could say I'm 'cottaging'!!!1

Hey Beefy, you'll appreciate this. I did some LEGENDARY guffs the other night while brushing my teeth. Proper deafeners, real sonorous basso profondo bowel-belches, but totally scentless. Seriously, you could have come into the bathroom straight afterwards and you wouldn't even know any guffs had been done. Pure as an alpine breeze, mVIII.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 16:25, Reply)
i read about them faecal implants where healthy folk donate their poo to not so healthy folk
to improve their gut flora or summat and i wondered... would you inherit the benefactors guffs? then we could call 'em... wait for it... fart transplants!
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 16:32, Reply)
Dunno m(2*2*2), you could try an experiment to find out though, couldn't you?

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 16:35, Reply)
fart and dung transplants

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 18:43, Reply)
bloody trans-plants ruining the home growers market
it said female on the seed packet i swear
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 18:48, Reply)
Bbhfhdghxxxgjjjytd

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 18:36, Reply)
God these people are awful

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 18:37, Reply)
Where are you?
My Derbyshire hangout has now filled with a bizarre mix of bikers and canoers. I'm hoping for some hilarious bar brawl with chains and canoe paddles.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 18:41, Reply)
Fuck
*guffs*
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 18:45, Reply)
Fixing my bike gave me a headache.

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 19:16, Reply)
Saturday morning, everyone.
Wakey, wakey! I'm sure there's loads you need to do over the bank holiday weekend, so sleeping in isn't going to get things done, is it?
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 7:08, Reply)
I'm putting on a flowery floaty dress and going round to colostomy wotsit's house to sort out his unfortunate relationship problems.

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:01, Reply)
Its a lovely spring morning

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:20, Reply)
It is indeed
My missus's family have buggered off back to the US, might go into town.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:45, Reply)
I've got my kids, who have both got plans to go out with their mates, dunno what I'm supposed to do

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:50, Reply)
I have mine til three and then again tomorrow night.
3:01pm I am going to get wankered
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:56, Reply)
Good idea, I might just get wankered, they will only come home to eat so it'll make no difference

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:58, Reply)
Lovely day this morning. Sunny and warmer than I expected.
Any people near derby fancy a pint I'll be up there from about 4.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:45, Reply)
Candles

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:48, Reply)
Woohoo

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:16, Reply)
HAPPY B3THDAY WINDY PIG!!!!! <3
i.ytimg.com/vi/k1rsoSVmckk/maxresdefault.jpg
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:18, Reply)
Thanks vlad

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:23, Reply)
gay sex tourist stuff

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:53, Reply)
Gonna see big Ben?

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:58, Reply)
yeah

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:00, Reply)
Say hi for me

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:08, Reply)
I have to pay twenty quid each for their karate grading
Then another six quid each for the belts when they pass. Why don't I get the belts for free? It's a fucking racket, is what it is
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:05, Reply)
Just dye the old belts

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:09, Reply)
*smacks forehead*
Why didn't I think of that?
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:32, Reply)
smacks forehead, you say? looks like you're going to need get yourself a belt too

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 14:14, Reply)
Offer to fight their sensei.
Winner takes all.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 10:12, Reply)
^under mi sensei

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 10:30, Reply)
Nobody is as hard as a half-brick.

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 11:38, Reply)
Last day of my holiday, I'm sure you guys have missed me. Bit worried about the flight back, it's at midnight and the baby seems grumpy as fuck today

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 12:49, Reply)
I knew you'd be one of those pricks that insists on taking a baby on a plane.
Just stay home, go to Bognor, anything.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 13:44, Reply)
Center Parcs should be an internment camp for people who do this.

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 13:51, Reply)
my brain wanted to read that as "interminable"
which also works
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 16:24, Reply)
oh how interesting you've been on holiday

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 14:15, Reply)
I might have some rum.

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 12:53, Reply)
I'm in derby, there is a woman at the bar with a mullet.
Her husband has a St George's flag on the back of both hands. I'm not sure I'll live to Sunday.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 14:57, Reply)
Ask him if he's mates with Mick Philpott.

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 15:03, Reply)
Tonight I told my girlfriend I love her
That she means the world to me, and that there's no one I want more, but she wants to have children - something I just don't want and can't do, and now I don't know where to go. Deep down, We both know it, but after three years, we can't bring ourselves to talk about it.

So here I am, on here, telling a bunch of keyboard heroes because I've no one else I can tell. I don't know what to do and I'm a coward.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 3:26, Reply)
Tricky one that
and I'm totally the least qualified to give anyone relationship advice, but I'm probably the only other person here who's awake.
If you feel that strongly about not wanting children, and/or simply can't because reasons, there's little sense in creating another life/adopting one just to make someone else happy. I think. Maybe that seems a bit selfish? It's a big decision obvs, and I imagine it can only really work if both parties agree to it. If she feels the same about you, she'll respect that.. or wait for you to change your mind. Most likely the latter.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 4:10, Reply)
one up the pooper
will sort things out
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 4:39, Reply)
Can't, or won't?
The NHS will pay for IVF, so if it's purely won't, your relationship is probably doomed. Sorry.
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 7:07, Reply)
wwjd

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 8:23, Reply)
oh for god's sake just have some children, planet's fucked anyway, you and everyone you know and love is going to die, how much worse can a couple of very short and irritating extras make things??

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:20, Reply)
wait 'can't' ok well I should have read more carefully shouldn't I
also:
www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help?gclid=CP-g65X3tcwCFQmNGwodQesBQA
(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 9:22, Reply)
Sorry I got here late, hopefully you haven't killed yourself yet. In situations like this where you both want completely different and incompatible things in the longer term the sensible thing is to just avoid discussing it and enjoy the sex while you can

(, Sat 30 Apr 2016, 12:46, Reply)

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