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I just checked and my parcel is at Heathrow.
So that's nice. At least it's escaped poopy Poland. Or poopland as I call it.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 17:36, Reply)
Cool, you gonna nip over and pick it up?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 17:47, Reply)
I used to think you were cool

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 17:55, Reply)
link to relevant thread pls

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 17:56, Reply)
lol bullying

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 17:57, Reply)
This is the opposite of what you meant:
b3ta.com/talk/7520388

Thanks, Google!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 18:04, Reply)
Fat chick trigger warning pls

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 18:32, Reply)
lies, there are no french gingers
few
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 18:46, Reply)
I'm not sure if that's an improvement in real terms.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 18:07, Reply)
You used to think people who had children were beneath you, now you subtlety brag about your child , you are a sham

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 18:56, Reply)
people change mongy
there's no way I was gonna grow old and count on these mouth breathing peasant kids to pay for my pension
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 19:11, Reply)
That makes no sense, kids don't support their parents

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:01, Reply)
My dad can barely stand up, so I often have to support him.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:31, Reply)
You might want to read grrry post, tho I understand why you didn't and won't

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:33, Reply)
Haha, get this, right: I willfully misinterpreted the word "support", to comic effect!
I'm such a card!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:08, Reply)
Oh now I get it... hahahahaha

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:26, Reply)
We have a right laugh, don't we.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:32, Reply)
I use FedEx

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 18:31, Reply)
Yeah but Heathrow mate.
Not a great improvement. But you are correct Poland sucks major cock
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 19:52, Reply)
^ gay sex tourist

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:32, Reply)
It's the only way to fly

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:05, Reply)
I am currently in some Spanish hell hole

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:05, Reply)

 
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:42, Reply)
I wonder who this could be.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:44, Reply)

Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:03, Reply)
Alright dozer you obsessive spastic.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:05, Reply)
^

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 22:11, Reply)
Doctor.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:31, Reply)
It's some going to make spanishfly look like the reasonable, rational contestant in an internet belm-off
but congratulations, you managed it in one blank post.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 23:04, Reply)
bye bye Big Sam

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:38, Reply)
I never wanted him, but maybe the fa could try and close the loop hole in players being slaves could be closed , owning a player tsk

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:43, Reply)
Why can't they just use employment agency rules

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:49, Reply)
Rooney on zero hours contract

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 20:53, Reply)
They've already done play get paid

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:00, Reply)
Make the whole thing amateurs again, fucking fifa and you jimmy hill , shits the lot of ya

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:05, Reply)
I wonder who will get the job now?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:09, Reply)
Southgate will win these next two games , maybe a director of football above him, who knows, it's a shitfest

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:26, Reply)
I'd give shearer the job , his management credentials might be poor but he's a hero to the younger players and the older ones respect him, my 2p

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:29, Reply)
yeah, why not Shearer
he's got nothing to lose. He can still go back to commentary like Hoddle if it goes tits up.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:33, Reply)
And that twat believes disabled people are paying for past sins

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:42, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 21:47, Reply)
my parcel finally arrived
feel a bit bad for Windy now.
Who do you feel bad for?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:43, Reply)
martin heidegger

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:45, Reply)
if only he had lived another 3 months he could've met me
poor martin :(
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:50, Reply)
The most thought-provoking thing in our thought-provoking time is that we are still not thinking.
That's a great one. That's one of his best.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:51, Reply)
fucking hate that thinking shit book
had to read it in school
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:57, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QgCfnBtF7M
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:20, Reply)
Holy shit, someone just got a parcel here.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:47, Reply)
it is time

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:48, Reply)
I think i might be getting a cold.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:57, Reply)
Don't think you're supposed to have viruses sent through the post.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:06, Reply)

frinkiac.com/img/S04E21/223756.jpg
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:14, Reply)
I feel bad for
Michael Barrymore

So much talent, so young, so beautiful - such a waste.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:49, Reply)
well let's not forget poor cheryl, the real victim here

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:57, Reply)
No talent
and she could swim when off her gob on coke. Boring.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:21, Reply)
this thread's not really going anywhere
gonna jump ship in a minute
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:57, Reply)
anyone who watches this all the way through
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qL7I9BWFqdk
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:59, Reply)
I've got records that are a bit like that

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:01, Reply)
Reminds me of Watcher of the Skies by Genesis

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:18, Reply)
If you tell youtube to play at 2x it's got a nice wee phaser effect on it.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:20, Reply)
0.5 gives it a nice droning buzz.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:22, Reply)
SET WEE PHASERS TO STUN

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:27, Reply)
K, been listening to this for about 10 minutes now. It's strangely alluring.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:31, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0E00Zuayv9Q
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:33, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-N1yJyrQRY
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:35, Reply)
People who think immigrants take their jobs
They must be real shit at them to be replaced by foreigns.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:59, Reply)
poor people

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:00, Reply)
Don't feel sorry for them, bloody spongers

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 17:30, Reply)
You son
I assume that you have girl problems.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:00, Reply)
You've got 99 problems though

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:01, Reply)
It's melting quicker than I can eat it

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:10, Reply)
are you talking about menstruation?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:03, Reply)
People try to wear a pad
Talkin' 'bout menstruation
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:09, Reply)
Uterus is coming down
Talkin' 'bout menstruation
The cramps they get look awful bad
Talkin' 'bout menstruation
I hope I 'pause before I get old
Talkin' 'bout menstruation
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:20, Reply)
If you're having Perl problems I feel bad for you, son.
I got 99 problems but a switch() ain't one.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:41, Reply)
Richard Mcbeef's fiancée,
now that he's been shot dead by police.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:02, Reply)
the girls on my course
who were spoken to like 6-year-olds for getting back 5 minutes late from our pathetic 25 minute lunch break
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:11, Reply)
Time keeping is the cornerstone of any business. If you are not at your desk between 9am and 5pm on the dot the whole business will grind to a halt.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:13, Reply)
Heaven fore-fend they find out what we do between them times

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:14, Reply)
I doubt they'd be too keen on what we get up to outwith them either.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:18, Reply)
even a shit job will allow half an hour
this colossal prick is clearly on a power trip
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:15, Reply)
its not a job tho is it, it's a training course being paid for by people who have jobs, i'd have kicked them off the course because they just couldn't be arsed to be back on time

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:16, Reply)
that's the point, they were
he told us all to be back for twenty five to two. when they got back at 1.30, he insisted he'd said be back for 1.25, despite everyone else telling him he hadn't
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:19, Reply)
Report him for being a lying shitcunt.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:23, Reply)
they're all up each other's arses
they want people to walk off the course so they can stop their money
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:28, Reply)
Rise up and overthrow him, then occupy the building.
This sort of thing was all the rage, 30 to 40 years ago, and made Britain the great country it is today.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:26, Reply)
we've got another two and a half weeks of this shit
if i can hold my temper for that long, i'll be amazed
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:29, Reply)
Shit in his pencil case

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:38, Reply)
^
Don't just meekly accept this bullshit.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:41, Reply)
i'm waiting and letting the anger build
by which time i'll no longer give a fuck about the consequences and can enjoy going fucking nuclear on him
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:42, Reply)
And put a pencil in his shitcase.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:43, Reply)
kennethwilliams.jpg

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:45, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:55, Reply)
hammer it round the bend

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:47, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:12, Reply)

www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/people/update-top-gear-star-matt-leblanc-filming-in-cosham-1-7598954
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:30, Reply)
"A worker at the garage confirmed LeBlanc was there but refused to say anything else."
woah
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:32, Reply)
I know

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:35, Reply)
Filming in Cosham. Where the girls don't wash 'em.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:36, Reply)
Quite

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:37, Reply)
Matt LeWank more like!!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:51, Reply)
WAT

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 17:05, Reply)
What was in your parcel?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:26, Reply)
double ended dildo and big tub of vaseline

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:28, Reply)
lazy bastard
you can buy those things down the market
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:30, Reply)
wouldn't have the fresh box smell

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:34, Reply)
spose

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:34, Reply)
nor would she after half an hour with those

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:36, Reply)
Mmmmmm
Clam-fresh
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:37, Reply)
trademark that fucker

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:41, Reply)

lam rescent
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 16:50, Reply)
Super cres

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 17:23, Reply)
I've just won a Showers Pass Refuge cycling jacket
which, to my amazement, retails for £220.

What good news have you had recently?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:52, Reply)
an old colleague got in touch and offered me a freelance job at his new firm

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:54, Reply)

an my
colleague squire
free
job at his new firm
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:55, Reply)
always practice squire safety

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:56, Reply)
Stop, drop, roll, boogie

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:21, Reply)
Jesus is Love

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:54, Reply)
+ banging Courtney

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:56, Reply)
*shoots self*

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:57, Reply)
Wil Self's dead?
Damn you 2016!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:05, Reply)
I told you before. A pay rise. You don't listen to me at all do you.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:55, Reply)
I listen hun x

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:55, Reply)
Wha?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:04, Reply)

s Pass Refuge cycling jacket -dodger of the year award
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:55, Reply)
I wonder what that bloke did to upset the production enough that he'd have to make all those stupid noises

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:56, Reply)
He ignored the phone when Love Productions phoned with an offer

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:58, Reply)
he microwaved some fish in the break room

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:02, Reply)
there is no worse crime

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:12, Reply)
?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:04, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7993644
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:04, Reply)
ah, I see

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:05, Reply)
This is the best thing ever
youtu.be/o589CAu73UM?t=115
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:05, Reply)
I am literally crying at my desk

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:06, Reply)
I'd love to meet someone who spoke like that in real life

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:08, Reply)
WAHN~TOO~THREE!!!
fucking brilliant
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:11, Reply)
it's his face more than his voice that gets me

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:12, Reply)
it's like a forgotten brass eye sketch

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:21, Reply)
so? i do that every day

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:22, Reply)
You are Kirk Van Houten

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:24, Reply)
you're only saying that because my middle name is evelyn

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:30, Reply)
*lends you a feeling*

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:03, Reply)

a Showers Pass Refuge cycling jacket 220 scratch cards
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:57, Reply)
I got a £300 rebate from my old leccy supplier.
Which was well timed, as I had to pay £300 for my daughter's Ed. Psych. assessment.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:00, Reply)
Been told we might be getting these
www.embrava.com/products/blync-light?variant=328886579

I'm going to kill myself now, save them forty quid
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:01, Reply)
hahahahahahahahahaha
gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:03, Reply)
I know
I fucking know
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:04, Reply)
Er
what's wrong with a scowl and the smell of flatulence as a way of telling colleagues you're not approachable?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:03, Reply)
I tend to open with
*sigh* What the fuck do you want?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:08, Reply)
And close with
*sigh* don't you come a lot, big boy!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:38, Reply)
put it on your head and run around pretending to be a new york taxi
it is literally the only sensible response
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:04, Reply)
ha!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:06, Reply)
I'M WALKING HERE

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:06, Reply)
rip cousin nicky

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:22, Reply)
Oh God. That is the worst.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:05, Reply)
y

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:07, Reply)
Tragic.
Still, set it to whatever colour indicates that you should be left alone, then never change it.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:08, Reply)
Some people do that with our IM app here.
They're invariably people you wouldn't talk to unless you absolutely had to.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:12, Reply)
I do it all the time
not that it stops people from contacting me. Mind you, I get URGENT emails while I'm holiday, in spite of the fact that I have an out of office set.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:14, Reply)
Our work sends us urgent emails to tell us that the timesheets will be down at the weekend for updates.
Every single week.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:16, Reply)
I ignore urgent in any email
if it's really urgent you will come and find me and fight me
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:19, Reply)
I ignore it because as the recipient I reckon it's up to me to decide how important your message is.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:21, Reply)

fight me see that my light is RED so I must NOT be disturbed
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:24, Reply)
I'd like it for pointing at when people ask me thing *they* insist I document and could therefore easily look up themselves.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:28, Reply)
point at it with your middle finger

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:32, Reply)
I used dial 500 on the old phones
that would set 'do not disturb' and no one could call you
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:14, Reply)
Is this a standard thing?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:18, Reply)
dunno
We hot desk here and use mobiles. There are landlines but I rarely use them.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:20, Reply)
I don't like that. I like my little space at work to do work in.
And my little space at home to be firmly removed from that.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:24, Reply)
We're being kicked out of our building, soon, and the future is hotdesking.
Not happy, but it may be a way for me to work from home, again.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:26, Reply)
I think we're supposed to hotdesk, but we have more desks than people in the office so don't.
Because fuck tidying everything away if you don't have to.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:31, Reply)

l m
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:53, Reply)
wish Diana was still alive

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:54, Reply)
They are living my dream.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:14, Reply)
I don't disagree with the idea in principle but the people that do it here are humourless self-important workaholics.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:17, Reply)
Can you rig them up to act as strobe lights for an office rave?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:25, Reply)
finding out Bashar al-Assad is my real father

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:02, Reply)
Misprint
it's Basher Al, the bastard.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:04, Reply)
it's actually all of the bash street kids

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:05, Reply)
Lol
your mum got Plugged!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:06, Reply)
clickin dis

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:36, Reply)
are $$ and i brothers?!
oh my god, this is the best day ever!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:59, Reply)
I hope so

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:29, Reply)
do you wanna play n64?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:32, Reply)
always

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:35, Reply)
7 days till a trip to Vienna
The good news is that it is just 7 days away now
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:06, Reply)
This means nothing to me

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:07, Reply)
perfect

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:11, Reply)
I nearly didn't go for it
but BOY am I glad that I did
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:12, Reply)
Back of the net!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:12, Reply)
tell it to this guy
twitter.com/harveyenner
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:27, Reply)
Quite the prolific tweeter, isn't he

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:34, Reply)
ur nan's got a prolific tweeter, ma8e

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:59, Reply)
Her tag *is* a little hashy, I won't lie

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:02, Reply)
Why not wait? Why not go to the supermarket now
and buy that icecream treat you've dreamt of for so long...
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:40, Reply)
It's a beautiful place, is Viennetta in the autumn.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:41, Reply)
Can you even buy them now?
In fact can you still get them from KFC?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:43, Reply)
I like to think they share an aisle with Findus Crispy Pancakes.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:45, Reply)
they do
the frozen aisle, duh
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:10, Reply)
in Kentucky Frozen Chicken

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:10, Reply)
There's a pre-frozen KFC ripoff called 'SFC' I think. Never tried it.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:22, Reply)
hopefully Sam Allardyce will be sacked as England manager

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:11, Reply)
Beware of Pardew
For he still believes he can do the job.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:12, Reply)
I just realised I couldn't tell you the names of any England managers after Sven.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:15, Reply)
Billy, Jim, Blinky Ben, Killer Dave, and Marky Mark.
Think that was all of them.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:18, Reply)
there was Barry, Darren, Sergio Aquafresca, Bob, Julie (James before op) and Muhammadu Buhari

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:18, Reply)
Think you missed out Rambo

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:19, Reply)
does Rooney still play for England?
If so, I can still name a footballer
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:21, Reply)
just about
more of a bench warmer now
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:23, Reply)
The next generic footballer name you need to learn who will be around for years is John Stones
Or Harry Kane if you want another striker
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:25, Reply)
I don't know who he is, but I enjoyed hearing on the news about how he'd gotten himself in trouble.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:16, Reply)
he's a wet fart

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:22, Reply)
Ditto
but I was amused by the sports correspondent saying, with sadness, that the guy could keep his job because we've so few decent British managers and the sweet FA had started a coaching academy. What the fuck do they do there?! Practise scowling, smoking, wearing JB sports coats and looking after a crèche?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:23, Reply)
I reckon I'd be happy to take £3 million to manage a part time team.
Like you, I don't see what involved beyond wearing a massive coat and having to look miserable at football matches.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:30, Reply)
isn't it like in american football where they plan "plays"
of "you run over there, johnny, you kick the ball to him, and then he kicks it to Ted who kicks it to Ayowayoombe who is totally English and he scores a goal or he'd better fucking do if he doesn't want immigration to find out about where his passport came from".
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:33, Reply)
"Make sure you score more goals than the other team
Pep talk over"
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:35, Reply)
I think you're supposed to give them a bollocking to motivate them at half time if they're not doing well.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:37, Reply)
I said score MORE goals, you stupid footballers!!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:38, Reply)
I think if I was a footballer I'd find it hard not to laugh at everyone there for paying 40+ quid a ticket.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:40, Reply)
It amuses me that they have coaches, too.
You'd have thought that, by the time they get to play professionally, they'd know how to play the game.
Likewise, all other sports.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:02, Reply)
i doubt it, at no point did he say he'd accept the job

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:32, Reply)
you're right
but I hate him
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:37, Reply)
That's fair, I'm not keen on these media stings on anyone, it's entrapment

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:43, Reply)
Justified
Says ex paper man Greenslade
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:45, Reply)
Not everyone on fleet street agrees

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:55, Reply)
This isn't fake shiekh type of entrapment (watch out for his court case finishing soon) which is wrong
This is fat blabbermouth fires off mouth holding meetings with commercial companies as clearly the £3m he earns isn't enough.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:59, Reply)
Sam's a chatty fella, he answers the questions, that's about it, and every England manager earns money on the side , Roy and hublot springs to mind

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:02, Reply)
And at no point does he say
"Lads, this isn't an area I am comfortable with commenting on, who are you again?"
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:07, Reply)
He's not like that, but he states he can't do anything without asking the bosses , who would have said no , it's a shit sting and probably a left over from when he was accused of bungs

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:09, Reply)
Done in the last ten months apparently
If he is a leaky ship then something was going to eventually take him down. Dinosaur continues to be a dinosaur shocker.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:17, Reply)
I don't get why someone earning £3m a year needs to get involved in corruption

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:01, Reply)
Keep your head down, earn the three mill,
then retire. Maybe pick up some part time work at a nearby garden centre.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:06, Reply)
I don't think you understand at all , no offence

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:06, Reply)
I'm not offended, that's true

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:10, Reply)
get

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:25, Reply)
dubs

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:25, Reply)
Someone start a new thread, for fuck's sake.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 15:40, Reply)
Well that was alright
but what else is large and unwieldy?

*cough*
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:55, Reply)
not sure

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:56, Reply)
dubs

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:56, Reply)
a snooker table

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:59, Reply)
that's true
imagine trying to get one into your house. Fuck that.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:35, Reply)
2 fat women handcuffed to a hostess trolley

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:01, Reply)
this feels like we're playing cards against humanity

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:03, Reply)
Are you somewhere that you can watch a short video?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:06, Reply)
i will be able to in about 20 minutes

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:07, Reply)


youtu.be/o589CAu73UM
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:09, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:38, Reply)
weird
sounds exactly like two hats
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:40, Reply)
>:(

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:41, Reply)
*tickles*

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:44, Reply)
*vomits*

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:46, Reply)
The law

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:02, Reply)
Just become a sovereign citizen mate.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:03, Reply)
Sounds paperworky

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:10, Reply)
not at all
Are you able to shout 'am i being detained?' and 'i do not consent to being tazed!'?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:13, Reply)
I've seen a lot of those "legal name fraud" billboards, lately.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:15, Reply)
Must be great to have the kind of money you can just spend on mad shit like that.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:26, Reply)
For the low, low price of £250, I can let you know the secret to my success.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:29, Reply)
gaz me your bank details

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:29, Reply)
since I started my crowdfunding malarky
I get yanks offering to retweet my campaign for the bargain price of $499. That's 1/3 of my financial target, ya doofi
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:46, Reply)
If I could remember my password,
I'd tweet your campaign at whoever my Twitter followers are.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:13, Reply)
that's a very kind gesture

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:15, Reply)
A Winnebago.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:02, Reply)
your nan's hairy clopper

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:11, Reply)
A hippo-shaped dirigible that used the last of its wields last week.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:15, Reply)
That tumor in your lung.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:16, Reply)
the question about supporting refugees and economic migrants in today's Europe

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:17, Reply)
it's one of them 'short answer: "yes with an if", long answer: "no with a but"' type deals innit?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:18, Reply)
^ Vicki Pollard

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:19, Reply)
I thought it was one of those "charity begins at home" deals

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:26, Reply)
People who say that typically prefer to help absolutely no-one.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:30, Reply)
Helping themselves, surely?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:31, Reply)
The complete works of Shakespeare typeset in Wingdings.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:21, Reply)
Westminster or GTFO

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:25, Reply)
Well no wonder the Scots want independence when people have that sort of attitude.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:29, Reply)
ian botham's footpenis

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:22, Reply)
baldmonkey with hair

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:29, Reply)
the incomprehensible girth of Telly Savalas' penis

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:30, Reply)
And, oddly
the incomprehensible size of Penis Savalas' Telly.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:46, Reply)
Janet's medication list

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:31, Reply)
some people's wifi passwords are a bit overlong

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:34, Reply)
It irks me when pubs don't change their wifi passwords from the default massive unmemorable hexcode.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:37, Reply)
^wants the moon on a stick

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:38, Reply)
+ to be the default pub wifi password

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:40, Reply)
huh, I see

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:40, Reply)
The turd
I'm about to birth
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:45, Reply)
Do you have to reach between your legs and twist it out?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:47, Reply)
No
I just slide along the carpet like a sheepdog and grind it into the shag. It's a slow process but it does allow me to leave poignant messages for my flatmates.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:49, Reply)

i.imgur.com/KPTMI3y.png
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:53, Reply)
That's the job!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 14:24, Reply)
What thing about modern life do you simply refuse to accept?
I'm not standing for all this otherkin bollocks
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:16, Reply)
d

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:21, Reply)
i

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:23, Reply)
g

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:28, Reply)
m

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:13, Reply)
e

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:13, Reply)
u

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:55, Reply)
p

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:55, Reply)
Shittybollocks office-speak.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:24, Reply)
^touches base on a regular basis

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:26, Reply)
Strikey-G cloth, hur hur hur!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:40, Reply)
i mean, it was already a joke
is this a stacky-g?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:10, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3809424/If-wanted-like-d-waxed-monobrow-Meet-18-candidates-hoping-stand-Apprentice.html
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:26, Reply)


(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:29, Reply)
Winners, m8
This is what winners look like
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Anyone who wants to go on that cunt circus should be gassed.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:32, Reply)
It's funny, because as soon as the contestants become self-aware
they 'fire' them. It happens at least once every year. As soon as they remember they're on a tv show and that none of it matters...bye!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:36, Reply)
I've worked with people like that.
It really is surprising how far you can get with no sense of self-awareness or shame. Not entirely sure what the benefit is though.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:41, Reply)
Ignorance is bliss
The luckiest and happiest people on earth manage to live their entire lives this way
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:42, Reply)
Ah yes...
"It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied. And if the fool, or the pig, is of a different opinion, it is only because they only know their own side of the question."
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:46, Reply)
yeah, well
scooby doo can doo-doo, but jimmy carter is smarter
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:15, Reply)
aleksandra king needs to figure out how to spell her own name
also, taz didn't 'torpedo' anywhere, he generally pinballed around ruining everything. is that something you want to associate yourself with?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:33, Reply)
The Apprentice is always good for a bit of good old fashioned gibberish
"If I was an apple pie, the apples inside would be orange"
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:34, Reply)

i.imgur.com/gFzJ8YH.png
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:13, Reply)
courtney wood and dillon st paul, in addition to seeming like complete cunts
have names better suited to a female porn star
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:35, Reply)
And after a few drinks
Courtney Might!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:36, Reply)
I think I get this

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:54, Reply)
awesome sauce

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:15, Reply)
I have that phrase monogrammed on some towels

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:40, Reply)
jessica cunningham fundamentally misunderstands how the concept of 'competition' works

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:36, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Nah, that's basically the business strategy of companies like Oracle.
Why make the product better when you can simply sail a great big pirate ship towards your existing customers?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:44, Reply)
oliver nohl-oser needs his hyphen shifted one place to the left

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:37, Reply)
oh snap

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:38, Reply)
i should have a pithy newspaper column

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:14, Reply)
yeth

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:24, Reply)
rebeeca jeffrey?
you'd only spell it that way if you were a swarm of bees in a human costume. i'm onto you, you bitch
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:38, Reply)
My quote would be
"It's not possible for me to give 100%. If I'm in the mood you might get 50 or 60 out of me TOPS. Plus, if I don't like the task I won't bother doing much at all. In fact, if you ask me to do something, I will do it begrudgingly"
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:41, Reply)
you'd probably be rewarded for your honesty

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:42, Reply)
I love how Alan Sugar prides himself on "hating bullshit"
yet the whole process is 100% bullshit from start to finish
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:43, Reply)
I like how he pretends to be some kind of business guru when in fact most things his companies have made have been utter rubbish and that his wealth mostly comes from owning property

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:48, Reply)
Well, and that.
There's layers of bullshit surrounding him. Like a shitty onion.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:49, Reply)
Well his company is founded on substandard goods masquerading as mediocre goods, so it's hardly surprising.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:48, Reply)
Oh come on, what about the video phone and....
Alright, well how about his home computers, or...

oh
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:01, Reply)
The only thing he did that was alright were all the innards of Sky Digital boxes and nearly all of them didn't have his name on them.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:03, Reply)

nearly all hardly any
didn't have had

sorry, that misplaced negation was driving me mad
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:41, Reply)
It was a perfectly cromulent sentence.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:53, Reply)
You and I are alike TH.
Never show people your best, they might come to expect it and that seems exhausting.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:47, Reply)
The thing is, effort-inflation has been so rampant for so long, and "110%", "200%" or even "1000%" is such an overused cliché,
that if you said you were going to give a mere 100%, it would sound like you weren't really trying that hard.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:50, Reply)
I dunno, if you really need to make that much effort to do these things then perhaps you're a bit rubbish and not worth employing

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:52, Reply)
As a master-procrastinator I regularly do my entire job in the last couple of hours.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:55, Reply)
see, this makes you more valuable than someone who gives 110% and is still shit
also, strikey-g (possibly deliberately set up by you)
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:03, Reply)

master-procrastinator wank-happy jizzmonkey
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:04, Reply)
"Also, if there's anything in the house that I can get away with stealing; I will"

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:53, Reply)
sofiane khelfa, chameleons change colour according to their moods and stuff
so i'd infer from that you're a big, overtly-emotional prick with spazzy eyes
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:41, Reply)
*whispers*
and she eats flies
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:45, Reply)
here's how much of a cunt they are
sofiane is a bloke!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:10, Reply)
And here's how much of a cunt I am
I would've known that had I just looked at the article
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:11, Reply)
i nearly didn't because it's the dm

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:16, Reply)
Daily FAIL I call it

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:16, Reply)
FAILY HEIL, more like!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:23, Reply)
haha, yes

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:26, Reply)
Haha, oh you guys, you should write for Buzzfeed with material of this quality!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:29, Reply)
i wouldn't say no if they offered me a job
easy money and cr3 got to meet justin trudeau the other day
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:55, Reply)
Yeah but you'd have to work with a load of self-satisfied twats
who think they're gradually ushering in a new global era of social justice, caek and kittinz one sanctimonious listicle at a time, all the while blissfully unaware of their own flagrant privilege.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:18, Reply)
ok then, grrrmachine

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:34, Reply)
JD O'Brien looks like he's been in a face-replace with two people with differently-sized heads.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:52, Reply)
sounds like an irish-themed pub chain

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:54, Reply)
One of the ones that appears to use their walls as a skip.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:56, Reply)
why would anyone who owns their own business
give it up to work for that cunt?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:01, Reply)
The format doesn't make sense anymore
When the 'prize' was a well-paying job, it made sense for people to battle it out. But now it's for investment in the company YOU'VE worked hard to establish, and he just gets to throw a bit of money at you for a big slice of the pie. It's nonsense.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:03, Reply)
But, you get to be on telly!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:05, Reply)
I'd hate being on tv
I don't even like photos being taken of me, let alone video
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:12, Reply)
I'd rather be rich without the fame

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:13, Reply)
they're hoping to procure an investment of £250k in order to make their shitty businesses less shit
failing that, a lucrative 'career' as a star of reality television
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:04, Reply)
I'd spend it on booze, weed and haribo

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:13, Reply)
Star mix?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:15, Reply)
cor! yeah!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:24, Reply)
oh shit
sorry double deckers, you're my ex-sweet, now I really want some starmix
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:32, Reply)
OK, I decided to take the plunge and look at this article.
I'm already half-blinded by the shininess of the suits.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:31, Reply)
i don't give the slightest of shits how people want to identify themselves. it's their life
the modern day life stuff that irks me is all a bit nerdy
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:30, Reply)
This really.
Although I imagine I wouldn't want to spend much time in the company of anyone who continually bollocks on about 'gender constructs' or whatever.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:31, Reply)
yeah but then you could say the same for people who continually bollock on about anything

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:02, Reply)
Pokémon Go or "YouTubers".

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:34, Reply)
i'm still playing pokego
caught a mankey yesterday
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:28, Reply)
Got a Dratini this morning
and caught an Onix last week. I'm reliably informed that this is a big deal
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:36, Reply)
Dratini sounds like a cocktail for people who like to swear very mildly.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:43, Reply)
Mutley! Mix me a Dratini.
And make it a double.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:50, Reply)
i don't have either of those
tried the lucky egg multiple evolution gambit the other day, gained a couple of levels

#sickgains
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:58, Reply)
that we don't all live a life of leisure whilst robots do all the work

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:34, Reply)
robots wouldn't put up with our shit m8
imgur.com/gallery/zcPr4ph
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:08, Reply)
Yes they would. They might even harness it for their power source.
dairylandtransfans.com/images/tb09weapons.jpg
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:39, Reply)
Shady practices in the video games industry
Shill tactics, dividing up complete games into gated off paywall content, microtransactions ruining the balance, framerates and graphical fidelity taking precedent over fun mechanics and game play, the fact that these tactics have been going on for so long consumers are now accepting them as the norm, I could go on...
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:36, Reply)
haha, this is exactly what i was referring to

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:43, Reply)
Thought I'd put it out there
Might give Guns of Icarus a go this weekend, supposed to be a really fun / hilarious / chaotic as fuck multiplayer
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:47, Reply)
Like the 90's and cutscenes being placed into games
"The gameplay is shit"
"yes, but, cutscenes!!!"
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:45, Reply)
Everything's better with FMV.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:54, Reply)
Do you mean FMV as in CG video a la Final Fantasy
or live action stuff like Tex Murphy / old Command and Conquer games?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:57, Reply)
I was thinking of the likes of Night Trap or Sewer Shark.
Or Dragon's Lair.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:02, Reply)
Oh man, Night Trap, what a shitshow of a game

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:04, Reply)
I'd like to see someone try and reboot it.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:05, Reply)
If memory serves,
there was a button on the front of the Mega Drive for that.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:07, Reply)


(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:08, Reply)
There's The Bunker on PS4, not seen much about it
but it's a modern attempt at the FMV game idea, obviously in glorious HD/4K/Blu Tack or whatever the medium is these days
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:11, Reply)
well I chuckled

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:32, Reply)
I remember someone I know had the x-files point and click.
It was a 7 disc x-files episode with a bit of button pressing every now and then.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:57, Reply)
Telltale Games seem to have built a successful business out of that piss-poor excuse for game design.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:59, Reply)
Just looked them up.
They look like what would happen if EA Sports bought out Lucas Arts.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:02, Reply)
I let my boy buy Minecraft Story Mode,
without realising that it was a "pay per episode" deal. It's barely even a game.
Wankers.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:04, Reply)
Yep
The first 5 episodes come with the disc, but there are 3 or 4 more episodes at about a fiver each. Fucking con.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:07, Reply)
They've taken to watching the rest of it on YouTube.
Same level of interactivity, so they're happy.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:08, Reply)
I'm going to suggest this
thank you
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:09, Reply)
I dunno, they've refined it a fair bit
I played through the Game of Thrones one recently, fully expecting to hate it, and really enjoyed it. The way they handle choice mechanics and branching storylines is really effective
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:03, Reply)
The kids are enjoying the Minecraft story mode
but watching them play it...it's not a good game. Also, the characters say "crap" quite a lot.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:04, Reply)
i really liked the first walking dead series they did
the batman one looks alright too
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:25, Reply)
do they say 'crap' during eithe rof these games?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:27, Reply)
I know I've gravitated towards more casual games,
but I'd like a level of interaction slightly higher than what I'd get from fast-forwarding through the adverts when watching recorded TV.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:27, Reply)
'member when everyone worked out how to do lens flare?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:57, Reply)
Parallax scrolling
Got a platformer? Parallax the fuck out of it. But wait it clashes with the visuals. PARALLAX IT
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:58, Reply)
The parallax scrolling in Quackshot was glorious.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:02, Reply)
Best Disney game HANDS DOWN

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:04, Reply)
Castle of Illusion has held up well, too.
Must give World... another play, too - I remember that being very pretty.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:10, Reply)
and Mickey Mania, that was a good little side scroller

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:16, Reply)
Ooh, I'll have to legally acquire a copy of that one.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:24, Reply)
I think that was around the time everything went brown
grey and brown, the same colour as the real world
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:05, Reply)
I think it was also the same time everything in hollywood was either teal or orange.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:07, Reply)
That liking a brand on Facebook is a normal thing to do
Do you really associate yourself with the brand values of x product? They don't care about you.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:51, Reply)
Barry likes 'Google'.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:53, Reply)
can you like "oxygen", "gravity" and "bread" over there?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:54, Reply)
Top Bun

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:03, Reply)
Panini's Labyrinth

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:03, Reply)
Loaf Actually

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:03, Reply)
Yeast is East

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:10, Reply)
Way of the Bun.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:12, Reply)
Jacob's Cream Ladders

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:17, Reply)
A Clockwork Oatcake

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:19, Reply)
Bring Me the Bread of Alfredo Garcia

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:22, Reply)
WholegRain Main

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:24, Reply)
The Hunt For Bread October

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:31, Reply)
Spinal Bap

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:35, Reply)
Tortilla Recall

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:41, Reply)
Cool Hand Gluten

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:43, Reply)
Some like it hot cross buns

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:45, Reply)
I dough what you bread last bunner

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:46, Reply)
Self-raising Cain

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:52, Reply)
Warburtons Horse

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:42, Reply)
Mighty White Ducks

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:44, Reply)
Sherlock Hovis

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:48, Reply)
Good morning rolls, Vietnam
The Adrian Cronut story
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 13:00, Reply)
Bread Dough

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:47, Reply)
James Bun: "00" Flour, in
The Living Doughnuts
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:55, Reply)
Demolition Naan

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:31, Reply)
I, Roti

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:38, Reply)
The Last Boy Scone

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:12, Reply)
Cakes, Lies & Videotape

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:28, Reply)
I don't doubt that some people really are defining their personalities through the brand association,
but I'd expect most people are doing it in the hope of getting a freebie. Or at least a discount coupon.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:56, Reply)
Give up that sweet sweet data
For crumbs
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:05, Reply)
That's how it works.
Someone's getting rich off it all.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:13, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeV9O0Mi5c4
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:14, Reply)
smartphones
and social media
and especially, both of these combined
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:24, Reply)
What have they ever done to you?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:24, Reply)
it's not what they've done to me,
it's what they've done to everybody else, and society in general. That's why i don't have one.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:26, Reply)
I hate it when people come to my house
then spend most of their time checking their phones. Especially mid conversation. Ok, thanks MGT, you've angered up my blood now.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:29, Reply)
*looks down at phone, scrolls through Twitter*
Yeah Two Hats, yeah.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:30, Reply)
people honestly believe they couldn't survive without them anymore,
and they've barely existed a decade. They've taken over people's brains like some kind of alien infestation out of a 1970s horror movie.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:30, Reply)
I didn't have internet access for almost the entire week I was in Berlin
as a result, I used my phone as a camera and nothing more. It was great.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:34, Reply)
They are a short fix entertainment tool which some people can't stop staring at instead of having human interaction
Some people can multi-task as well yknow.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:36, Reply)
no they can't
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creativity-without-borders/201405/the-myth-multitasking
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:38, Reply)
That's bullshit
The music and the voices in my head can both be making noise at the same time, whilst my hands are sharpening my knife collection.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:52, Reply)
"Dude, what's your wifi password?"

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:30, Reply)
^

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:31, Reply)
I hate it when I go to other people's houses and they don't have the courtesy to offer me their wifi password.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:31, Reply)
^

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:34, Reply)
It should be written on a plaque in their lounge or saink so you don't have to ask.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:35, Reply)
You're supposed to get little nfc tags with it stuck by your door, then they can just tap their phone on it when they walk in.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:53, Reply)
perhaps you should try being a less boring host

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:35, Reply)
When I was little I used to get so bored round my nans I used to read the Argos catalogue.
I can't imagine having to go back to that.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:37, Reply)
When we go to my wife's parents or friends
they're always nattering about work colleagues or absent family members I've never met. Reading the news on your phone is a hundred times politer than outright yawning in their faces and staring at the ceiling.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:40, Reply)
don't visit Two Hats then

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:41, Reply)
Fuck you, I'm a fucking delight

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:42, Reply)
Look, it's lovely that you went to all that trouble to cook us a delicious meal and let us drink your wine
but if you serve up the creme brulee when my clash of clans village is getting raided then you're gonna have to wait, I'm on a timer you selfish prick
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:39, Reply)
I don't know, it can be quite difficult to understand why a portable window to the internet has ever taken off.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:26, Reply)
absolutely nothing
that's the problem
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:27, Reply)
luddite thread is all fun and games until MGT posts in it

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:28, Reply)
there are plenty of things about modern life to dislike without taking the technology angle
You could have moaned about economic disparity or the rise of religious hatred or pollution or hipsters or the price of stamps or political debate cheapened to name calling or a bajillion other things without moaning that those datapads from Star Trek are now a fucking reality which is really cool but you still despise them for some reason.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:31, Reply)

All this technology is making us antisocial
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:34, Reply)
gosh, some people will take offense at anything these days

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:34, Reply)
Doesn't b3ta count as social media?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:34, Reply)
that's a tough one,
i'll go for a walk while i think about it.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:36, Reply)
i may be some time

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:46, Reply)
it's the epitome of antisocial media

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:37, Reply)
life itself

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:27, Reply)
^Marvin

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:31, Reply)
^Cliff

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 12:43, Reply)
So, now what?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:35, Reply)
Now we wait

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:39, Reply)
Waits.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:44, Reply)
What's he building in there?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:45, Reply)
Huh?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:52, Reply)
It's a Tom Waits song
And it is proper odd.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:07, Reply)

http://www.b3ta.com/talk/7993408
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:09, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7993423
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:10, Reply)
This is so redundant

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:18, Reply)
I might make it into a mini chevron

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:18, Reply)

?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:55, Reply)
Yes, that
GS
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:10, Reply)
cyber?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:40, Reply)
A/s/L

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:41, Reply)
^GS

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:48, Reply)
I think the world is pretty close to the end
we're running out of stuff to do
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:45, Reply)
I'm just hopeful for a new theme tune

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:46, Reply)
oh well it's had a pretty good innings

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:47, Reply)
more of the same
or less, it's up to you
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:46, Reply)
I'm neutral

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:46, Reply)
I don't really understand all these modern genders and sexualities

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:48, Reply)
Genderneutral pansexual owlkin

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:49, Reply)
^ can give a 69 while doing the yoga Bridge pose

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:50, Reply)
Typical cisfemale.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:49, Reply)
As an AR-15kin translunar bipolar lesbometrosexual provanist vegan auto-erotic anti abortion LBGTPBNNQPR femurdom
Consider me triggered by xir chauvinistic and wholly uncalled for remark
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:58, Reply)

n AR-15kin translunar bipolar lesbometrosexual provanist vegan auto-erotic anti abortion LBGTPBNNQPR femurdom gay spaz who loves it, etc. etc.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:11, Reply)
ROAD TRIP!

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:49, Reply)
Shotgun

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:52, Reply)
Okay, you can ride up front with Grrry.
My car's bigger, but his has better ICE, and I don't want us getting bored.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:05, Reply)
Primo Levi less successful follozzzzzzzz

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:56, Reply)
I'm abandoning this thread. It's awful.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:04, Reply)
its what it deserves

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:05, Reply)
Well I don't want to go on
but I lack the courage for suicide. What are my options?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:02, Reply)
Be black in America and break a minor traffic law.
LOLOTICS
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:05, Reply)
oh HO!
#HatLivesMatter
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Fear Of A Hat Planet

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:10, Reply)
Milliners With Attitude

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:10, Reply)
Straight Outta Luton

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:12, Reply)
It Takes a Nation of Milliners to Hold Us Back would've worked better
just sayin
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:13, Reply)
True.
Hatters With Attitude, just to keep the Luton connection.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:18, Reply)
why would anyone want to keep any connection with Luton?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:21, Reply)
I like Luton. It's not quite as crap as everyone makes out it is.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:24, Reply)
my only experience of it is being stuck for several hours at the train station in the snow as one by one each train to my destination got cancelled
that was pretty crap
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:33, Reply)
I heard they tried to twin it with Pyongyang but Kim J was like "Fuck that, place is a shithole".

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:25, Reply)
Some multiple choice answers:
a) Hammer time
b) Lunch time
c) Wake up: time to die
d) It's that time again - time for everyone to have their daily go on your nan.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:05, Reply)
e) time of the season for loving

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:08, Reply)

a) No
b) Chicken Marengo
c) Not as good as the book
d) Got in there early m8, she's normally sticky as fuck around this time
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:08, Reply)
Can't wait to hear how that Chicken Marengo turned out.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:11, Reply)
alright, actually
a bit French though. I'll post a proper article when the inevitable food thread happens
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:19, Reply)
I'll probably wipe my arse and get back to work.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:08, Reply)
probably?
you'll be uncomfortable if you just go straight back to work
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:11, Reply)
The seat shuffle

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 11:13, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 6:47, Reply)
Morning peeps
That NASA announcement, eh? Madness
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 7:20, Reply)
What, that an ice world with huge surface cracks indicating massive subsurface geothermal activity
occasionally shoots big jets of steam out?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 7:27, Reply)
yeah but aliens

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 7:28, Reply)
^ and that

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 7:29, Reply)
water = extraterrestrial life
et life = either the world's holy texts will need to be frantically revised/ reinterpreted, or everyone will decide not to bother with religion
worldwide atheism = thousands of terrorists and mentals will top themselves = food and land shortage solved = PEACEFUL CORBYNIST UTOPIA until we start killing each other for other reasons
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 7:38, Reply)
well hang on, we don't know what religion the aliens are yet
I would assume CofE, but we'll see
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:41, Reply)
Cunts of Earth?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:44, Reply)
crude

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:46, Reply)
also
www.rantlifestyle.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/g8.jpg
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:50, Reply)
#infest

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:57, Reply)
what, like a big fanny but with all soil stuffed in it?
eurgh
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:20, Reply)
No

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:22, Reply)
thank god

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:38, Reply)
Aye
Who'd have think it eh? Good thing we have some of the best minds working on this
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 7:29, Reply)
My package still isn't here. What are you going to do about it?
Also, do you remember PAW. 90s grunge band. Sort of Pearl Jam like.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:06, Reply)
Your neighbours probably have it

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:18, Reply)
Or a vicar
Ask your local vicar
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:41, Reply)
Nothing
And, cool if they sound like Pearl Jam I might check them out, name doesn't ring a bell though
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:20, Reply)
In the early 90s you couldn't spit without accidentally giving a grunge band their first wash of the weak
all knackered Fenders and blown-out Peavey amps
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:24, Reply)
There was one track on the radio last night. It was alright, they seem to have maybe 2 records.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:28, Reply)
If you didn't buy your goods through me, I have fuck all responsibility for them
My prices were reasonable, you cheaped out, your fucking loss m8
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:23, Reply)
Could you have supplied a TDC gauge?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:28, Reply)
you could only get one from Poland?
I've not seen one in years
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:34, Reply)
No, I'm just a cheapskate
Bloke was making them out of a basic gauge and an old spark plug. 20 quid. Proper ones were something like 60 quid.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:37, Reply)
Yeah, that sounds about right
There are some proper good tools out here though, since they're made in Poland rather than China
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:39, Reply)
I don't really get why they're so expensive.
A pin dial gauge made in the UK was about 15 quid, why they need to add 45 quid to add a M14 thread I dunno.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:45, Reply)
Threads are funny like that
Everything on my car's metric except the seat belt bolts, which are 7/16-20. Had to import a tap from China to clean the threads out; 10 quid versus 50.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:53, Reply)
I wish b3ta had some funny threads

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:21, Reply)
maybe monster munch can take a photo of what he's wearing today

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:23, Reply)
My tie doesn't go with my shirt,
but it's not exactly hilarious.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:39, Reply)
is that because you've tied it around your head, you wacky funster?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:44, Reply)
lol, I'm like Rambo,
but armed with staplers!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:45, Reply)
^colin hunt

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:53, Reply)
What's happening Grrr

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:18, Reply)
shit just got REAL yo

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:25, Reply)
And a warm Radio B3ta welcome to Grrrmachine,
who's joining us this morning to discuss his latest book, Weaving Technology and Social Mobility in the Emerging Merchant Classes. Thanks for being here today, Grrrmachine.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:29, Reply)
bloody huguenots coming over here and stealing our weaving jobs, send the buggers back

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:31, Reply)
Thank you for inviting me here G-Force Yeti, and good morning to all you listeners out there, a ha ha ha

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:35, Reply)
hi

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:40, Reply)
alright tangles

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:41, Reply)
alright grrrm
I get to be told how brilliant my children are this afternoon, by people who aren't related to them

/fobtm
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:48, Reply)
I get that a lot
Apparently walking and using a potty isn't normal for a 7 month old.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:54, Reply)
it's not normal for anyone
usual protocol is to remain seated until you have finished
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:56, Reply)
Not for beefy

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:24, Reply)
oh my god, mcbeef is the father of grrrmachine's baby?!
forum scandal!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:39, Reply)
Is your album out yet?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:46, Reply)
nearly
we might do a deal for those who were savvy enough to buy the first one
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 8:47, Reply)
^ gets marketing advice from Ron Jenkees

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:16, Reply)
*stumbles in door*
okay, i'm here. what's going on?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:02, Reply)
*tables and walls rotate 180 degrees*
Oh hey, it's manolith! Hi manolith, glad you could make it!
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:05, Reply)
^ Grrrmachine and his Amazing Friends

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:08, Reply)
that's better than what I had imagined

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:21, Reply)
i've been watching george clarke's amazing spaces
and he wants to build a home inside a rotating drum with a different room on each wall. what a prick, eh?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:19, Reply)
so basically a carousel-style space station, but on earth, where we already have gravity
so there's be two force vectors working on the inhabitants at all times instead of one, quite literally TEARING YOU APART. Yeah, wot. a. prick.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:23, Reply)
I don't think it spins constantly, I think you move it around when you go from the toilet to the loving room.
So poo sloshes out non your head.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:27, Reply)
So a bit like Thunderbird 2's moveable pods
so you line up the desired room with a single door?
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:28, Reply)
yeah, he's basically admitted to being forever alone
as he's designing a house that can't have visitors. unless you all go to the lav at the same time
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:37, Reply)
That's all good fun until the house rotates whilst you're taking a dump.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:38, Reply)
yeah, the whole thing is riddled with problems
i tried to find a gif to show grrrmachine but there doesn't seem to be one
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:44, Reply)
can't believe I missed bread chat

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:05, Reply)
favourite roll?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:07, Reply)
head of acquisition and mergers

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:11, Reply)
I'm quite partial to a crusty cob
do ciabattas or panini's fall under rolls? If so it might be a toss up between them
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:13, Reply)
I'll allow it

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:15, Reply)
in that case I'll go ciabatta
paninis are nice, but they're only made nice by what you put in them. The bread of a ciabatta is nice on its own

#takingthejoketooseriously
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:29, Reply)
in the hay

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:16, Reply)
Gid moaning.
Arrived at work to find that IT haven't fixed yesterday's network problems, so am regretting bumming a lift, this morning, as I can't easily bugger off back home.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:07, Reply)
I hope they are all sacked

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:12, Reply)
Maybe that's why they haven't fixed it?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:22, Reply)
honestly the language you kids use nowadays is disgusting
it's all bum this and bugger that

#bringbacksection28
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:14, Reply)
^ serial bummer

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:15, Reply)
This all sounds a bit Freudian to me.

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:33, Reply)
M

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:11, Reply)
Y

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:13, Reply)
L

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:16, Reply)
O

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:19, Reply)
W

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:27, Reply)
S

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:32, Reply)
W

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:32, Reply)
I

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:32, Reply)
N

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:32, Reply)
G

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:32, Reply)
I

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:33, Reply)
N

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:33, Reply)
G

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:33, Reply)
C

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:33, Reply)
O

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:33, Reply)
C

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:33, Reply)
K

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:33, Reply)
coming forth to carry me hooome

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:35, Reply)
Well that's that then
pack it up, we're done for the day
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:02, Reply)
I clicked them all in reverse order to see if they could fill the popular page in order

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:07, Reply)
I clicked them in the wrong order so they'd be a willy anagram

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:09, Reply)
Alright Tangles,
I read this and thought of you. Or maybe twohats to be honest you kind of blend into one sometimes.

www.upcoming100.com/news-detail/7637/spacemen-3-a-monkey-could-play-one-note-but-could-a-stoned-monkey/
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:11, Reply)
seems relevant to my interests
ta
(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 10:45, Reply)
GS?

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:14, Reply)
always

(, Tue 27 Sep 2016, 9:20, Reply)
I managed to get a really good loaf from the supermarket 'expiring today' bargain shelf.
It was only 20p.

Whats the cheapest you've got bread?

Other bread related stories welcome.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:50, Reply)
sainsbury's economy white sliced used to be 14p
got it just to see what it was like
revolting, and even the ducks weren't interested
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:57, Reply)
Feeding bread to ducks is unhealthy for them, so are fag buts , lols tho

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:59, Reply)
this was back before all the 5 a day nanny state
go down the park now and there's a sign telling you when the swans' protein window closes, fucking bullshit
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:30, Reply)
I'll give swans their due they know to duck under fishing line, but then their big fucking feet pick it up and your buzzers go nuts , so really they are twats

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:48, Reply)
I guess there is a significant distinction between bread going cheap
and cheap bread.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:59, Reply)
Once a cashier spotted my 4 pack of cheese-top rolls had split and sent someone off for a replacement and they could only get 6's instead.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:07, Reply)
Good, but you've not made it clear if you got the 6 rolls for the price of 4.

If this is entered under the other bread related stories category then please forgive my nit-picking.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:10, Reply)
I did, yer and they'd already been scanned as part of a bogof deal, everything came up gormo.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:28, Reply)
A truly inspiring tale.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:38, Reply)
I got given a load of bread by my dad once when he bought 2 and wasn't going to eat one.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:13, Reply)
A decisive post here.
Unless someone comes up with a story in which they got paid to take bread (negative cost bread), then your free bread tale is going to win.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:16, Reply)
Not sure it's a competition mate.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:23, Reply)
That's how much good beead usually costs over here

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:15, Reply)
Where is here?
Poland, i'm guessing.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:17, Reply)
Yeah
Basic food ingredients are far superior to their English counterparts. Except cheese.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:24, Reply)
Why can't the poles figure out cheese then?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:27, Reply)
One of the first things I look for in a Michelin starred restaurant is if they are using polish vegetables and flour, and eggs ... You get my point

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:43, Reply)
free bread is the best

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:20, Reply)
I didn't understand why you'd rate ducks for my benefit

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:25, Reply)
My flatmates at university would go through the bins at Tesco. They'd bring back bread, crisps, tinned food, and once a bag full of Thomas the tank engine toys.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:40, Reply)
as someone who used to fill those bins for a living, I can confirm that this is fucking disgusting behaviour

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:49, Reply)
How fragrant your flat must have been

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:51, Reply)
The stale beer and fags overpowered most other smells.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:53, Reply)
I forgot what a student flat smelled like in its natural state.
I stand by my previous statement in that case.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 22:07, Reply)
Make it meself so pretty cheap, can't recall the last time I bought some.
Sorry.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 22:48, Reply)
i used to nick stuff when i worked in the bakery at co-op

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 23:55, Reply)
ALPHUKKINGRIGHT
New Kids Turbo 10/10
Ghostbusters 2016 1/10 (1 for okay visuals)
Train to Busan 9/10
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:42, Reply)
Is this a gay thing? Excuse my assumption

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:45, Reply)
you know that thing with making asses out of u and me
unless your ass has gumption
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:53, Reply)
I'm flattered, but I'm not a bent , soz

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 19:01, Reply)
Disagree

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 19:14, Reply)
it's okay, I'm not offended m8
maybe I should rate Dicks, Tits and Cunts Vol. 1-69 to get your approval. the Director is Uncut version, ofc
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 19:21, Reply)
New Kids Turbo is the most idiotic mouth breathing wank ever made
and proof that rising sea levels are the best thing that could ever happen to Dutch cinema. If it ranks a 10/10 for you then you're either 13 years old or the victim of such a traumatic injury that you will forever have my pity.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 19:31, Reply)
for my defense: you probably didn't see the movie in Dutch. you probably wasn't as heavily intoxicated as I was

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 19:41, Reply)
Based on the one line summary Google just gave me,
I'm going to side with my esteemed colleague, Mr G R Machine.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 19:49, Reply)
^upset

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:09, Reply)
Only upset in sympathy for Woodo's parents

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 21:25, Reply)
Making chicken Marengo, as I said earlier
Results to follow
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 19:54, Reply)
I'm looking forward to hearing about this.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 22:44, Reply)
I'm not familiar with Dutch culture so I can't comment on your first choice
however, I respect your other opinions and will act accordingly.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:05, Reply)
I only watch sports biopics, soz

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:06, Reply)
new Eric Bristow one coming out soon
shall I get tickets?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:07, Reply)
Christian Bale plays Bristow

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:08, Reply)
YES, NOW
Jesus m8, I'm shocked that you had to ask
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:26, Reply)
STAND UP FOR SID WADDELL

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:29, Reply)
I'm cooking spaghetti with venison meatballs but have just realised that all the forks are in the dishwasher as my wife has used them all mashing avocados for the baby.
And in my frantic search for cutlery I've let the spaghetti cook for too long and it is no longer al dente.

Pray for me
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:16, Reply)
You feed your bairn mashed avocado?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:30, Reply)
The wife feeds her mashed avocado. Only organic mind.
That, celeriac and courgettes
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:37, Reply)
Your greenhouse has gone a bit fancy

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:40, Reply)
Ha, nah still just cucumbers and tomatos in there although I did get a kiwi tree the other day.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:50, Reply)
Hasn't it got teeth yet?
Mine had smoked salmon and broccoli
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:41, Reply)
Mumsnet , off you fuck

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:43, Reply)
Yeah it's got 4, it mostly uses them to destroy all the books we get it

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:51, Reply)
Mini hitler

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 20:57, Reply)
COCK A HOOP? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:38, Reply)
Sounds rather rude.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:39, Reply)
^ never cocked a hoop

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:39, Reply)
Popped the glock though

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 19:01, Reply)
since I've never heard that saying before I'm guessing it's Win D. Pig Latin

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:44, Reply)
Deliriously happy

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:47, Reply)
wow! that's almost the title of a Björk song

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:51, Reply)
So, that was awful.
What else is awful?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:50, Reply)
People Dick Emery fancied

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:51, Reply)
^ old

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:53, Reply)
you got it though, and so did i

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:01, Reply)
^ old

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:22, Reply)
having to fucking visualise
and write up an explanation of how you're going to save for some bullshit that costs about £1.50 that i'm not even going to save for and isn't relevant to getting a job AT ALL.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:52, Reply)
You may now commence stabbing.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:53, Reply)
after i listen to guns n' roses for a bit

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:59, Reply)
huh?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:02, Reply)
stupid fucking kickstart course
got to do it or i get no money. it's meant to be motivational. last week we had to make bridges out of paper and plastic cups. it's like fucking blue peter for the mentally impaired
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:04, Reply)
fuck that
I'd rather work in a supermarket than do that shit
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:10, Reply)
if i could get it, i would
they're all hiring the under 25's because they can be paid less. i'm applying for about 100 jobs a week. if i get replies from 5, it's been a good week.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:13, Reply)
Pauline's Pens
is all I'm saying...
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:18, Reply)
tell me about it :/

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:20, Reply)
must be pub work about, my local is always hiring

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:22, Reply)
pubs round here are closing, not hiring

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:26, Reply)
:'( poor pubs

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:28, Reply)
i know
still, booze is cheaper from the shop
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:30, Reply)
Have you got any academic qualifications to speak of, at all? Can you speak forrin or play the piano or anything?
My advice would be to get signed up to a few private tuition agencies. You can make more than you'd get in JSA doing three or four hours a week, then you get the satisfaction of telling the cunts who run these courses to go shove it.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:22, Reply)
i can play the violin very badly
and that's about it. i can knit, but can't follow a pattern well enough to teach
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:28, Reply)
Can't you sell your knitted wares?
Maybe start a knitting themed YouTube channel. If Lego trains can earn money, I don't see went knitted Mario rugs can't.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:30, Reply)
i can, but it's not really viable
as it takes 2 months to make one blanket
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:34, Reply)
As one off, handcrafted pieces with unique status, you ought to be able to command an exorbitantly high price for each one.
Seriously, though, this all sucks, and you are welcome to as much sympathy as you can carry.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:38, Reply)
it's ok
i'll just spend my free time cheering myself up by planning the destruction of every cunt who ever annoyed me
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:45, Reply)
fuck it, i'm off for tea

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:58, Reply)
well hell-O!

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 17:22, Reply)
gonna need a new person here
how do you feel about zero hour contracts?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:32, Reply)
been there, done that
they're meant to be phasing them out
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:35, Reply)
i'm on one and i work full time hours
oh well, soon i'll either be promoted or fuck off somewhere else
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:40, Reply)
one i was one
the hours weren't the problem, unless you needed to do less than 16. it was trying to make them understand i couldn't physically do the work of 5 people
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:46, Reply)
Christ, that's depressing.
Hey, if you get depressed enough you might be able to go on the sick! So look on the bright side.

Except, er, don't, obviously.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:18, Reply)
doesn't matter
there are people doing this course who are on the sick, they're still being made to do it, even though they can't work. woman with hands like claws almost got sanctioned for not doing a typing course. i just come home, put my headphones and listen to metal until the urge to kill dissipates
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:23, Reply)
You're listening to the wrong kind of metal.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 17:23, Reply)
Did you ask this at the end of your interview
When they said "do you have any questions?"
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:04, Reply)
not an interview
4-week mandatory course
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:05, Reply)
4 weeks? Fucking hell that's a bit much

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:17, Reply)
You get less
for GBH in most cases.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:19, Reply)
and that's after
2 telesales courses, 2 team-building courses and a forklift driving course
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:21, Reply)
During a stint out of work a couple of years ago I had to go on a telesales course
Colossal waste of time, we had an interview at the end of it, conveniently they hired pretty much all of us, threw us straight on the phones, then sacked everyone who hadn't made a sale after two weeks (just in time for the next lot of "new starters" coming from the course). One person sacked off the course for a job interview, didn't get it, and got sanctioned for not showing up. It's a stupid part of the jobseeker process that just serves to throw people into shit jobs for fear of being cut off.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:31, Reply)
Christ
Last time I signed on you just had to go in and speak to someone. "Have you performed any work, paid or unpaid, in the last two weeks?"
"No"
"Here's a cheque"
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:33, Reply)
Not any more, now there's hurdles to catch people out because the pot isn't big enough to go around
getting computer illiterate people to log all their details on a shoddy online service, witholding benefits to people who earn more than £330 a month, because that's totally enough to pay bills and live on, even housing benefits only covering some 75% of the actual rent, so the rest has to come out of the dole or other benefits (sick pay, family allowance, etc.), it's generally fucked.
That said not sure if that's the status quo or just how it is here in Manchester / the North, but it seems to rely on a percentage of people being sanctioned every fortnight to stay afloat.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:53, Reply)
That seems to be the size of it.
There's a Ken Loach film about it coming out in a few weeks.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:56, Reply)
Sounds very interesting, might have to look that one up

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 17:24, Reply)
^oh fuck, all of this

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:57, Reply)
It was equally cunty last time I tried - unsuccessfully - to claim benefits, and that was in Oxford.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 17:37, Reply)
They just don't want to work

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 17:48, Reply)
oh, i've done that one
although we didn't get hired, we did a week's "training", which was basically doing the job we should have been paid for, then told on the friday there weren't enough engineers to cover the jobs we were booking so we weren't needed this was while they were interviewing the next lot in the room downstairs
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:37, Reply)
Yeah it's free labour for those guys
and then when you go back to the Job Centre to sign on, they'll have some reason to not pay you "Oh, you were doing work you weren't paid for, so you could have been looking for paid work in that time, therefore breach of jobseekers agreement, therefore sanction, etc."
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:47, Reply)
i'm amazed they didn't sanction me
for walking out of my last job. apparently, almost having a breakdown was a good reason to leave
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:50, Reply)
this is quite awful imho, trigger warning watches
www.elevenjames.com
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:55, Reply)
I'm in sales, so anything that helps me look sharp, feel confident, and exude success is a must.
I can't think of any one thing that achieves all those things better than a fine timepiece, and being able to explore the whole realm of them, from sport watches to dress styles, just makes it even more fun
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:03, Reply)
Your Eleven James membership is an all-access pass to discovery, networking, and fun.
From rare whiskey tastings to Q&As with renowned watchmakers to meet-and-greets with top pro athletes, our events, like our watches, provide great stories and memories.

Fuck me, imagine what these cunts are like.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:05, Reply)
do i have to?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:06, Reply)
It'll be pop-collared polo shirts and copies of GQ as far as the eye can see

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:07, Reply)
it's a bit late but maybe you could make use of this for next year
blog.elevenjames.com/10-style-hacks-ace-your-summer-look/
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:11, Reply)
Hahaha
That is the fucking worst thing ever
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:13, Reply)
"playing cornhole with a beer in your hand"
What's your signature scent, 2H?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:15, Reply)
Is 'cornhole' the one where you get to arse fuck the first one of your mates to pass out drunk?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:34, Reply)
I always make sure I'm wearing boat shoes when I'm cornholing

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:22, Reply)
How do you dopp?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:25, Reply)
I wash my willy in the sink

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:26, Reply)
#lifehacks

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:28, Reply)
and the rest of the pub wishes you'd stop

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:30, Reply)
better than a penis beaker

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:34, Reply)
Terrible bullying of the terrible spanishfly

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:52, Reply)
By raising one arm in the air and putting the other across my face.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:31, Reply)
”I'm in sales, so anything that helps me look sharp, feel confident, and exude success is a must."
I hope they start a similar service for clothes, help out this poor sap who struggles to dress himself.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:04, Reply)
too slow, chicken marengo

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:05, Reply)
Last time you mentioned that, I looked up the recipe.
Sounds nice.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:07, Reply)
k making this for tea tonight

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:35, Reply)
I hope when Jeremy Corbyn becomes king cunts like that are first against the wall.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:18, Reply)
I hope the wall is covered with broken glass.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:19, Reply)
it's an american website with american customers, not sure corbyn will help you

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:21, Reply)
I'm in Wales, so anything that makes it harder for sheep to spot me creeping up on them is a must.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:06, Reply)
This is what would been created
by a successful Alan Partridge from an alternate universe.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:12, Reply)
I'm in jail, so anything that helps to protect my bottom is a must.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:13, Reply)
I'm in Sails. My chums in the boat club played a delightful prank wrapping me up in them but I think they must have forgot about me. Could someone please help me out.
Please.
Hello.
Someone.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:19, Reply)
I'm in Salis.
Cracking cheese, Grommit!
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:23, Reply)
You've reminded me of this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxAallorFJo
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:26, Reply)
I'm Christian Bale, so I'm going to kick your f*****' a*s! I want you off the f*****' set, you p****!

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:40, Reply)
farmin'
abs
foamin'
panda
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:44, Reply)
see? they're board killers
the truth
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:01, Reply)
Natural Board Killers

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:40, Reply)
My house
It needs floors upstairs, plasterboard on the walls and a window where there is none. I'm hoping that by the time I get home tonight some of these will have been installed.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:02, Reply)
if there are no floors upstairs, can it be said to have an upstairs at all?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:04, Reply)
Woah

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:06, Reply)
It has floorboards
but no chipboard on them. It has plasterboard beneath (mostly, not above the shower where I slipped and put my foot through).
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:06, Reply)
shut up, deadface

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:26, Reply)
Up yer bum
dogfood breath
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:55, Reply)
when Doveston rubs his cisgender in our faces

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:05, Reply)
That futuristic writing that you got in Buck Rogers
it went like bUCK rOGERS oFFICE in that shite 80's type face.

Load of wank.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:07, Reply)

content.altfonts.com:88/img/W/E/WestminsterA.png
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:09, Reply)
If my work PC had that, I would switch my default email font, right away.
Make people think I'm a robot.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:12, Reply)
^

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:13, Reply)
i send all of mine in comic sans so that no-one will read them

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:27, Reply)
Bright magenta with yellow background?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:58, Reply)
you know it
i like yellow backgrounds.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 17:05, Reply)
LITERALLY EVERYTHING

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:47, Reply)
you're not wrong

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:54, Reply)
I just did a massive hard shit that made the toilet look like it was blocked but then cleared by itself after a couple of seconds.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 16:51, Reply)
bump

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 17:42, Reply)
The Bumpty Dance is your chance to do the bump.
Do the Bumpty Bump.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 17:50, Reply)
keednays, sweetbrayds, leevahh

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 18:09, Reply)
Open borders, refugee thread, in advance of mongy's impending thread deletion.
Everyone behave, though, or I'll have to make mongy build a wall.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:46, Reply)
I'm not a brickie, soz

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:50, Reply)
I don't want anyone from Guam coming over
they can fuck off
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:50, Reply)
I don't even know where Guam is, but I do know I don't like it or its people.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:51, Reply)
They are Americans

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:55, Reply)
Guam is in America?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:02, Reply)
it's in AN america

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:03, Reply)
Nah, it's a pacific island

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:03, Reply)
you're a pacific island

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:05, Reply)
I'm a principality ACTUALLY

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:12, Reply)
if we're honest, most of the time you're a barnacle-covered groyne

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:16, Reply)
I'm an atoll at best :(

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:24, Reply)
bikini?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:25, Reply)
if you play your cards right

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:30, Reply)
cor, i think i just got a 'brucie bonus'

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:51, Reply)
"I'm in charge!"
*glares*
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:57, Reply)
bog troll, more like

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:29, Reply)
MODS

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:30, Reply)
show me your peninsula

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:43, Reply)
disgusting

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:21, Reply)
Whereabouts?
Be more pacific
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:05, Reply)
No, but they run it, anyone born there is an American

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:04, Reply)
Fuck off you liberal queerbo

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:51, Reply)
K

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:53, Reply)
*POST DELETED*

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:54, Reply)
happy to help

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:03, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:03, Reply)
When tropes backfire: B3TA edition

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:06, Reply)
where's my free house and food credits, prick?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:55, Reply)
The baby-boomers took all the handouts.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:57, Reply)
the thing is don't i like skittles so it's a bit of a moot point that three might be poisonous because i wouldn't eat them anyway

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:57, Reply)
replace skittles with confectionery you do like and it all becomes too real

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:58, Reply)
Peanut M&Ms will only kill you if you have a nut allergy.
What's Trump going to do about allergy sufferers, that's what I want to know?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:59, Reply)
i sentence write good

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:21, Reply)
So, Bridget Jones's Baby, eh?
That's something
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:59, Reply)
let's go and watch it then hit a bar and goss

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:01, Reply)
I haven't seen the first one, will that spoil it ?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:02, Reply)
nah

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:03, Reply)
Moaning woman complains about being single, then flits between 2 men.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:27, Reply)
Titanic?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:29, Reply)
Nah, she slimmed down a bit for this one.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:46, Reply)
Not really. She's a fictional character.
Unless you've performed some arcane ritual with the corpse of Helen Fielding?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:02, Reply)
Saw Hunt For The Wilderpeople last week
That was great that was.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:03, Reply)
I was considering going to see that this week.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:12, Reply)
It iws my favourite film of the year so far
Same director as What We Do In The Shadows.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:18, Reply)
also, currently directing the next thor film

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:22, Reply)
This fact gives me very high hopes for it

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:23, Reply)
yeah, i'm well excited
did you see the short they made for comic con?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:26, Reply)
Yes, that ticked all the boxes of What We Do In The Shadows
I hope there is going to be a random Rhys Darby cameo.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:29, Reply)
Been meaning to see what we do in the shadows and all.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:30, Reply)
Great small comedy film
Really worth seeing.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:31, Reply)
^ likes pasgetti

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:34, Reply)
"We stole that idea from the Lost Boys"
"But I put a nice twist on it"
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:45, Reply)
it is, but has anyone adequately explained why?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:15, Reply)
Not according to my findings, no

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:23, Reply)
oh my god, there's a website where you can get these made:
who wants some?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:02, Reply)
Yes please.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:02, Reply)
i'm well tempted but $30 a pair +p&p is a bit steep

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:04, Reply)
Are they cheaper if we buy in bulk?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:07, Reply)
doesn't appear to be
postage might be reduced a bit but it came up as $300 for 10 pairs
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:11, Reply)
Windy Pig, cupping the taint as always

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:04, Reply)
damn straight
If you can get some significant threads / flounces, then even better
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:05, Reply)
there's only really
one thread that fits
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:12, Reply)
^this

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:13, Reply)
I've always wanted Two Hats on my crotch
OP delivered!
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:06, Reply)
Do they do QOTW ones?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:09, Reply)
what, nappies?
i don't think so
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:18, Reply)
Yes please

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:13, Reply)
$30 though
why aren't these ludicrous whims cheaper?!
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:16, Reply)
Fools and money and all that

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:22, Reply)
Save money by buying some cheap white underpants and scribbling 'alright' and 'morning' all over them in black marker.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:24, Reply)
More LifeHackz(R) from the 2Can Man

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:33, Reply)
but what if you want the pre-stained McBeef Signature Edition?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:35, Reply)
Couple of spoonfuls of bisto and some warm water.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:40, Reply)
Can we have a pun thread please? We haven't done one for a while

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:26, Reply)
You could, you know, start one.
If you have any inspiration, like.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:31, Reply)
Pundercats

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:31, Reply)
Tropic Punder

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:32, Reply)
The Puns of Navarone

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:34, Reply)
Crocodile Pundee

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:39, Reply)
Naked Pun

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:43, Reply)
puns on the run

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:43, Reply)
Eternal punshine of the spotless mind

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:45, Reply)
The man with the golden pun

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:45, Reply)
Equilibripun

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:46, Reply)
Way of the Pun.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:39, Reply)
Tears Of The Pun

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:41, Reply)
Hour of the Pun

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:44, Reply)
Into The Pun

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:45, Reply)
Mr. Magorium's Punder Emporium

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:40, Reply)
Lola Punnt

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:42, Reply)
The Loneliness of the Long Distance Punner

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:43, Reply)
The Punning Man

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:44, Reply)
cool punnings

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:45, Reply)
pun fatboy pun

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:46, Reply)
Pune

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:47, Reply)
Harold and Kumar get the Punchies

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:47, Reply)
Punich

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:49, Reply)
The Man From P.U.N.C.L.E.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:49, Reply)
Alvin and the Chippunks

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:50, Reply)
The Six Million Dollar Pun.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:50, Reply)
Naked Punch

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:50, Reply)
Don't tell pun the babysitter's dead.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:50, Reply)
Stop! Or my pun will shoot.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:54, Reply)
Top Pun

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:45, Reply)
Rise Of The Planet Of The Japes

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:45, Reply)
loltergeist

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:48, Reply)
Fnargo

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:51, Reply)
The Houpla Jose Wales.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:55, Reply)
Hahahappy Gilmore

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:57, Reply)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Chortles

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:00, Reply)
Cheers.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:06, Reply)
Trufax or Gakes On A Plane

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:57, Reply)
Quiplash

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:02, Reply)
:) ;) :| People

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:03, Reply)
Shenanigangs of New York

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:07, Reply)
Who Framed ROFL Rabbit

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:09, Reply)
16 Mocks

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:11, Reply)
Training Gay

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:13, Reply)
Free Willy Bum-Bum

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:18, Reply)
Bum and Bummer

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:18, Reply)
Kung Fu Pander

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:24, Reply)
Sex, Lies, and QOTW

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:05, Reply)
Legless in Seattle

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:07, Reply)
teh fear and loathing in las vegas

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:17, Reply)
Cheers

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:18, Reply)
Cheers!

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:20, Reply)
What's Eating Albert Liemallow?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:20, Reply)
Fairholme Alabama

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:22, Reply)
Saturday Night DVDFever

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:32, Reply)
SLVAs on a Plane!

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:34, Reply)
Emvee for vendetta

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:36, Reply)
Dr Skagra: Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:38, Reply)
The Win D. Pig in the Willows

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:41, Reply)
That would be punderful

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:32, Reply)
i've behaved all day
it's making me feel a bit stabby, tbh
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 15:37, Reply)
bump

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:50, Reply)
tickle

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:50, Reply)
strong

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:50, Reply)
bounce

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:50, Reply)
forgetful

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:55, Reply)
forgetful

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:56, Reply)
Bollocks to that
PIGGEH!
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:51, Reply)
You got a purdy mouth, Muppso.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:54, Reply)
Why thank you, MuMo
such a charmer
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:44, Reply)
i'm wearing a new pair of boxers today, nice and snug, material's comfy, elastic not too taut
8/10
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:54, Reply)
Polka dots?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:56, Reply)
grey with a darker grey elastic band

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:57, Reply)
I got some red ones recently
I look like a whore
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:08, Reply)
they shouldn't be on display, your short shorts are too short

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:10, Reply)
I only ever wear black
outlaws wear black
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:11, Reply)
That is just about the sexiest thing I've ever heard

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:13, Reply)
/talk in pants form

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:38, Reply)
oh yeah lol

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:40, Reply)
might get a screenshot of the 8000000th post and get it printed on some fabric
then make pants out of it
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:49, Reply)
omg

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:55, Reply)
I always forget they do the buttons up on new boxers, nearly pissed myself.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:57, Reply)
Briefs can do one, boxers are the way and the light.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:58, Reply)
My dad was a big fan of the tanga.
The mental scarring may never heal.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:03, Reply)
I heard manolith sometimes wears a pair of boxers.
One on each index finger.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:25, Reply)
trips get

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:55, Reply)
*worships*

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:25, Reply)
I know I'm talking about GBBO again
But heard a bit of news over the weekend which makes Channel 4 look really dumb. BBC Worldwide holds the international right of the programme until 2028. Yep, C4 can't even make money off the international versions.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:55, Reply)
Great British WANKY SHIT BOLLOCKS FOR CRETINS WITH FUCKALL BETTER TO DO
more like
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:56, Reply)
Thats such a Beefy comment
He would be proud
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:01, Reply)
he dead or summat?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:05, Reply)
Almost
he went to america
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:10, Reply)
He hasn't posted in a few hours, so we have to assume so.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:11, Reply)
NNNNNNHHHHHHNNNNNNNNGGGGGG
NHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Nope, sorry, I strained really hard but I still can't seem to be able to give a fuck.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:58, Reply)
Nice bit in popbitch about it last week as well
Apparently Mary Berry had no idea and found out on the TV.

I'll stop now :(
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:59, Reply)
I hope 4 poach Strictly... next.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:58, Reply)
Knew that Ed Balls was going to be shocking
But Greg Rutherford was a surprise.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:00, Reply)
I have no idea who that is.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:05, Reply)
Gold medallist long jump
Got bronze in Brazil
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:40, Reply)
Poach Strictly is the name of the next reality cooking show

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:05, Reply)
I'll poach you with my penis if you carry on
/ac
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:06, Reply)
oh shit

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:08, Reply)
What was the last decent documentary or piece of investigative journalism on TV?
If shite like GBBO and the phenomenon of reality TV can be alive and well decades after their creation, despite the horse's skeleton having been flogged to dust ages ago, there must be nothing else in the schedules.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:09, Reply)
who needs panorama when you've got mrs brown's boys?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:12, Reply)
everyone's on youtube watching videos of people playing FIFA 17

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:14, Reply)

people playing FIFA 17 my little pony fan fiction
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:17, Reply)
I'll post some on QOTW

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:21, Reply)
BBC4 has those covered.
I don't watch BBC4.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:14, Reply)
Well perhaps you fucking should.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:17, Reply)
But it's really boring, Gormo.
TV is for entertainment. If I want to learn something, I'll read a book.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:18, Reply)
books can be pretty boring too tbh
i'mma just play some video games
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:20, Reply)
Too much effort.
I'll just watch a YouTube video of you playing, instead.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:22, Reply)
I quite like gbbo, but your general point stands.
But it's not really that important. The only people that still plan their evening around the telly watch that sort of shit, so it appears to always be on. I find stuff on the I player a fair bit when I'm mooching around for something to watch
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:17, Reply)
This is quite possibly the first credible answer I've heard to this question.
Televisual media is no longer dependent on the scheduling choices of channels to the extent that people who are content to sit in front of the small screen and vegetate for entire evenings at a time will watch literally anything you show them. Meanwhile all the interesting programs are hosted on websites and available on demand.

Hearing about the existence of 'Gogglebox' was the last straw for me. Did they do a second series, featuring random people watching the first series of 'Gogglebox'? Christ.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:22, Reply)
I'm not sure about gogglebox, but it's possible.
But bbc3 and bbc4 do the odd bits of good stuff. Bbc is basically like radio2 and should be shut down.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:24, Reply)
Radio 2's been the stomping-ground for moribund old farts for at least the past 25 years.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:25, Reply)
Careful what you wish for
Sky has a combined programming budget of over £4.6 billion, yet can't get decent traction for anything other than sports and HBO content.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:33, Reply)
The problem with that is that when you do want to flop in front of the telly and vegetate there's nothing to watch, and when I'm hungover I don't really want the burden of choice.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:25, Reply)
^ this
Sometimes, channel-hopping into the middle of an episode of Columbo is all you really want.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:26, Reply)
I must have an abnormally low boredom threshold or something.
The concept of channel-hopping in itself doesn't bother me; if I could flick between nature programs, science documentaries and history series, that wouldn't be bad in the slightest. But instead you get fifty channels of reality TV chavs and peasants.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:31, Reply)
There is a lack of documentary, but sometimes you strike gold.
Like yesterday showing all of Africa with Attenborough I had that on all afternoon as I was popping in and out.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:34, Reply)
ooh check out mr intellect here with his yearn for high brow telly shows

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:37, Reply)
I dunno, i can normally find a police interceptors or a can't pay we'll take it away or a second rate action film on channel 5.
Or a car build show or loads of stuff.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:33, Reply)
5USA is my channel of last resort.
If all else fails, there's probably an episode of NCIS that I can nod off to.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:36, Reply)
Watching fat idiots shouting at the TV isn't your idea of good TV?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:25, Reply)
They are either fed lines
Or it is whittled down from 80 hours of footage. It does my nut in that programme.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:35, Reply)
It is genuinely awful,
and everyone involved should be killed.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:37, Reply)
i watch it, despite more than half of them being complete pricks

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:41, Reply)
They ask where the great dramas and comedies went
They can't/won't pay the going rate, so you have jeffs on a sofa churning out bullshit as they are cheap as chips to pay. It is shit to the nth degree.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:43, Reply)
The whole concept was stolen from the NTV segment of Noel's House Party anyway.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:43, Reply)
Add that to his list of TV crimes
Sadly the cosmos is on his side.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:45, Reply)
they've never gone full goggleception
but they did show them watching the awards show where gogglebox won a couple
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:56, Reply)
The last big one was on the care homes scandal a few years ago
The last few Panorama's have been about the Labour Party, gambling addiction, Sellafield safety, and the one tonight is about Aleppo. So they are pretty big subject

Problem is with this stuff is that people just don't bother to watch it unless it is really important to them. People don't sit down and watch TV anymore in a normal way. Last week there was a great documentary about Conceptual Art on BBC4 which I wouldn't have known about apart from the trailer stuck out and grabbed me.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:26, Reply)
Also another factor is this
People sit down to watch tv, see that they don't look the like of the things on the terrestrial tv (and that doc looks a bit bleak to watch now etc etc) and then get lost watching something on a different channel that kinda fitted their mood for that moment.

Lots of people then say "there is fuck all on" without even thinking of trawling the iPlayer or such to see that thing you might have missed last week that you didn't bother to PVR. Viewing has changed from being "this is on so I'll watch it" to "thats looks OK but I'm not in the mood for it, oh but Ice Road Truckers is on"
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:29, Reply)
Oh everyone has said this
Ah well
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:33, Reply)
With 60+ channels on free view,
it's not totally unreasonable to expect to find something good on. But there usually isn't, so most of what I watch is either PVR or VOD, unless the missus has ITV3 on a background noise - or ITV2, if I'm unlucky.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:34, Reply)
Appointment to view is dead for anyone under 40
The next big thing will be curated channel content because at the moment it is a bloody mess to find anything you want on the VOD platforms without filling a screen with choices.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:38, Reply)
Thanks to me watching a could of anime series,
Netflix keeps offering Pokémon as suggested viewing.

Stuff like Robot Wars or Doctor Who (or Bake Off) makes quite good appointment viewing for families, but we almost always end up iPlayering them, anyway. Yeah, broadcast TV is probably in its death throes.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:44, Reply)
There will always be linear channels
But it'll work differently, probably guessing on your previous picks whether you like watching comedy at 8pm or you want a drama on Thursdays.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:47, Reply)
I've got some kodi plugins with dodgy streams. It's quite nice having a channel that's just random simpsons episodes and that.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:45, Reply)
Sky One?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:48, Reply)
Dunno, I've not looked at sky in years.
When I was a kid I felt left out, but it is just more channels of absolute bollocks isn't it?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:51, Reply)
If Pick TV is anything to go by, then yes.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:58, Reply)
This is the other future
Channels built around genres that you like. At the moment, before bed viewing in the Keybo house is a playlist of 30 Rock, Seinfeld, Bobs Burgers at @Midnight.

You'll soon probably have curated channels like this that you can skip through ones you don't want to watch to an episode you do. But this all relies on you knowing the content before you do it as you'd never accept a new programme in a mix of olds.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:52, Reply)
How is this better than the current VOD offerings that offer suggestions based on previous viewing?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:00, Reply)
Difference is, it'll auto play and you'll choose in the moment it starts if you want to watch it or not
So removing the anxiety of choice
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:09, Reply)
Like normal TV, but you'd always catch the start of the programme?
Nah.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 14:52, Reply)
I'm still not happy about my parcel.
Why hasn't grr offered to go down there and sort it out. If there was anything he needed here in the UK we'd be d over backward to help him
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:08, Reply)
yeah, cos I was absolutely inundated with zero double deckers when I wanted one
you selfish prick
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:09, Reply)
That is a good point.
There was some stupid tv advert for them the other day. Thought of you. Didn't go buy any and post them.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:12, Reply)
#ignoringgrrryslackofdoubledeckers

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:12, Reply)
I'll fly over there and sort it for you

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:10, Reply)
Ok, nice

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:12, Reply)
I made a golden syrup cake without thinking
and it's way too big. I'm going to have to take some into work. Fuck.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:13, Reply)
it will keep
just put it in a tin
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:14, Reply)
fuck those pricks at work
you made it, you own it, you eat it
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:15, Reply)
You reckon?
Thing is, as big as it is, there's not enough for everyone at work. I'm in a right old state, $$. *wipes tears*
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:16, Reply)
touch your willy for a bit
you'll be right as rain in no time
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:17, Reply)
It might be too big for the tin :(

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:15, Reply)
that's what she said!

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:45, Reply)
My youngest stormed out of the room in a huff after Paul Hollywood complained about a cake being too big.
Cakes are serious business, and bigger is always better.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:16, Reply)
Paul Hollywood looks like the sort of person who cons nans into signing over their wills.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:20, Reply)
Paul Hollywood moaned about ginger biscuits tasting of ginger.
Paul Hollywood can fuck right off.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:28, Reply)
striketh the bottom so,
bottom doth getters go go go
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:41, Reply)
Might have to delete this thread

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:41, Reply)
it turned gay quick

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:42, Reply)
It sure has, and it was meant to be a reply to windy but I fucked up

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 13:44, Reply)
I ordered something off ebay and the bloke gave me a tracking number but it's polish mail and I can't read the website and the Google translate is no good.
How about your tracking number?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 10:58, Reply)
It's long, accurate and punctual

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 10:58, Reply)
airWAHEY bill, more like

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 10:59, Reply)
I was going to gaz this to Grrrmachine as he was helpful with polish stuff, but as we needed a new thread I thought this would do.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:00, Reply)
fuck grrrmachin
go to the polish embassy
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:05, Reply)
mate, I work out of the British Embassy, the beds are comfier

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:07, Reply)
Amazon logistics are a bunch of lying pricks
no delivery attempt made on the day it was due
claimed they called but there was no answer the next day
marked as delivered the third day
I still have not received it
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:02, Reply)
I bought a guitar neck from eBay once
Worryingly, the listing was marked 'Delivered'. I contacted the seller and told them I hadn't recieved it. I got an email saying simply "The Vicar has it"
Naturally, I found this curious. Half an hour later a fucking vicar turns up at the front door with my parcel. He lives three streets away. Fucking delivery pricks.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:05, Reply)
at least they told the truth
my parcel was apparently handed to 'A beg able Agunpiade'
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:10, Reply)
lol
I had a foreign counterpart once advise me that a delivery was signed for by someone named "Illegible"
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:11, Reply)
Do fucking vicars have different duties from regular vicars?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:34, Reply)

www.quora.com/What-is-the-meaning-of-a-tarts-and-vicars-party
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:35, Reply)
this looks like a poem
i'm not going to read it and assume it's the most beautiful poem ever written
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:09, Reply)
also, just to make sure this doesn't get missed
b3ta.com/talk/7992776
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Woah!

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:10, Reply)
Yeah, that counts
errrrrrrrrm.....
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:10, Reply)
right?
i was sort of hoping that i'd find a 'slutty abacus' halloween costume or something equally absurd. i was NOT expecting the involvement of playground equipment
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:32, Reply)
I was broke and I needed the money

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:39, Reply)
couldn't you have painted them to look like the others?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:45, Reply)
I could have
but that would have cost them more
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:47, Reply)
fair enough
tit for tat
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:02, Reply)
Why don't you just put it on the popular page then?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:11, Reply)
because i can't do that and wouldn't regardless

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:13, Reply)
You can ask for help mate
here you go
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:05, Reply)

i.imgur.com/K6kH5Rn.png
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:11, Reply)
How about this?
sledzenie.poczta-polska.pl
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:14, Reply)
Got it now.
Just says "item posting" a date and the name of a post office in Poland. Although that does prove he marked it shipped nearly a week before he actually shipped it. The lying prick. I hate ebay.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:15, Reply)
to be fair to the prick
it'll probably sit at that status until it gets stuffed into a container in Gdansk whenever there's space, unless you forked out for air freight. Gdansk only registers it once it's actually on the boat.

And you'll be able to track it via Royal Mail once it's off the boat.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:18, Reply)
Bullshit.
Would the tracking number change once royal mail get it?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:20, Reply)
maybe, but it'll be linked to the old one anyway
I bet, right, you could even track the package on Royal Mail's site RIGHT NOW if you wanted to
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:23, Reply)
Nope. Typed it in to there, comes up nothing.
Bit annoying.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:49, Reply)
I set up a google analytics tracking number to follow my crowdfunding campaign
I'm not exactly sure why
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:06, Reply)
because you're an irredeemable dweeb, obvs

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:10, Reply)

dr h
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:16, Reply)
yeah, but nearly $100 richer than I was last time you called me that

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:32, Reply)
that's fine, as long as you promise me this
when you become a billionaire, don't do a palmer luckey ok?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:35, Reply)
Parma Violet more like

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:36, Reply)
he probably is a bit chalky and rubbish, yes

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:41, Reply)
I promise nothing

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Bit personal
Are you trying to catfish me?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:26, Reply)
+Johnny

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:30, Reply)
*points*
*impregnates*
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:35, Reply)
rigid
always rigid
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:36, Reply)
^porn version of Monsters Inc

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Monsters Pink!
lolololol
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:39, Reply)
two in the monsters pink and one in the monsters stink

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:41, Reply)
woah

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:42, Reply)
i'm starting to think this 20p coffee might not be very good

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:42, Reply)
I can't believe your company charges you for hot drinks
we get ours free! FREE I TELLS YA!
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:43, Reply)
we have a kettle and everything in the office
but we have to supply our own knobs tea and coffee
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:46, Reply)
our boss buys it (or the receptionist takes petty cash and buys it)
you get what you're given, though. Sometimes Nescafe Azera Americano coffee or supermarket own brand coffee .
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:48, Reply)
yeah my problem is that i work from multiple offices so i don't really have anywhere to keep coffee etc.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:50, Reply)
there's a little tuk tuk thing here that's got a full coffee machine setup in the back
they never seem to use it and it looks quite easy to steal. you can have it if you like?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:58, Reply)
yeah go on then

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:04, Reply)
Keep it in your pockets.
Duh
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:58, Reply)

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/59/d3/18/59d31857d5b371367606c0b4b85a5b5d.jpg
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:03, Reply)
fererro's got ya covered
coffee-fiesta.com/shop_ordered/5682/shop_pic/176372.jpg?time=1468609094
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:04, Reply)
Ferrero always has my back

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:07, Reply)
^ambassador

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:32, Reply)
if it were free i'd just get an iv line full of coffee next to my desk

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:48, Reply)
no one really abuses it here
it's like we're one big happy family and this isn't a soul destroying job that we all do just to survive.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:49, Reply)
i don't understand

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 11:59, Reply)
apparently, there are jobs people enjoy

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:04, Reply)
blowjobs, you mean?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:05, Reply)
how crass

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:15, Reply)
crass, gas or ass
nobody rides for free
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:34, Reply)
"'Tis better to give than to receive. "

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:19, Reply)
big jobs, you mean?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:16, Reply)
big trak, you mean?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:34, Reply)
I've just had an email telling me that the present I've ordered for the boy's birthday is out of stock and will take 3 weeks to procure.
Bum.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:08, Reply)
That pisses me off
I bought a pokemon game from Tesco online, then two days later they emailed me to say that they'd made a mistake and I wouldn't be getting the game. Cunts.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:17, Reply)
"In stock", they said.
Useless. Still, it's just over 3 weeks until his birthday, so we might get away with it.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:22, Reply)
Christ, what sort of parent buys their kid's gifts that far in advance?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:25, Reply)
A parent who knows that what he wants isn't readily available in the shops and who will have to rely on buying it mail-order, that's what.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:29, Reply)

?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:20, Reply)
That's very kind of you, but I'm not sure he'd appreciate it.
Unless...
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:28, Reply)
looks like a Garbage Pail kid

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:45, Reply)
This sounds like Jingle All The Way but 3 months early
Is it a Turbo-Man? And are you Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sinbad?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:24, Reply)
I genuinely love that film.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:30, Reply)
what was the present? 'my first moustache wax'?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:24, Reply)
All my kids grew full beards before they stated preschool.

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:31, Reply)
they're overcompensating for your complete lack of testosterone

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:33, Reply)
I was the last kid in my class to hit puberty.
By quite a long margin, too.
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:41, Reply)
fuck shit willy willy bum bum
fuck shit bum bum
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:40, Reply)
only 7130 posts to go until we hit 8,000,000

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:42, Reply)
7128

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:47, Reply)
What's the prize for the lucky /talker who gets the magic 8,000,000?

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:48, Reply)
rape

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:49, Reply)
+a bag of four g
+s
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:50, Reply)
i think their post gets a special colour
such as: b3ta.com/talk/7000000

manolith will send you nudes too
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:50, Reply)
I can't see that.
Who was it?
(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:52, Reply)
baldmonkey

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:55, Reply)
this is true but they're nudes of sammi, bou and syncubus

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:52, Reply)
i'm so excited

(, Mon 26 Sep 2016, 12:49, Reply)

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