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Black Wives Natter
When did we get Black Friday? Was it about 5 years ago? I can't 'member.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:50, Reply)
thought you were dead

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:52, Reply)
We can dream eh?

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:02, Reply)
Tangers!!
How's it gannin' leek?
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:20, Reply)
life is good, stunnso
how about you?
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:24, Reply)
Fair to middling, pal.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:44, Reply)
He was, but then he got better
Haha, like in Monty Python!!!
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:25, Reply)
I think it was when Micky Flanagan said he was 'out out'

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:52, Reply)
Probably.
Don't pay that much attention to it, to be honest.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:56, Reply)
Dunno
Do people in the UK go as menkle as the Yanks, trampling each other half to death for the sale of a flat-screen TV?
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:56, Reply)
I think we prefer to wait until the police have shot a black person, before popping out to grab a bargain.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:58, Reply)
shit is off the hook in Brazil
youtu.be/73PVkVEyN7Q
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:58, Reply)
Haha, reminds me of the clip of Black Friday in Canada
where everyone just files into the shop in an orderly manner and the staff welcome them with polite applause.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:09, Reply)
no one does orderly and polite quite like the japs though
youtu.be/-q1y7w9r4BY
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:25, Reply)
shame they're all queuing to buy schoolgirls' knickers

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:26, Reply)

This, in a country where they employ people solely to shove you onto trains during rush hour.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:31, Reply)
I bet the northerners do.
They're a bit slower and more gullible.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:01, Reply)
Just got a years subscription to Eurosport for £1.99
So I am pro the online bit, but not the actual going to somewhere bit
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:03, Reply)
Enjoy it while you can, you won't be able to watch that after Brexit.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:05, Reply)
BritSport
International Pan Fighting from Leeds.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:18, Reply)
They'll have the Premier League, once all those dirty foreign players have been deported.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:21, Reply)
Got an exclusive look into music channels after Brexit
The horror, the horror
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:21, Reply)
Oh god.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:24, Reply)
I've never felt so utterly depressed in my life

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:29, Reply)
As a co-worker of mine said
"Why aren't they fighting like normal people?"
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:48, Reply)
(Car) Park Life

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:33, Reply)
Hahahaha.
The cunts.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:45, Reply)
People were fighting over TV's in a Tesco
in some god forsaken Northern Town.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:17, Reply)
how positively beastly

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:24, Reply)
I'll buy a new TV when the old one breaks,
not when adverts tell me to.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:37, Reply)
wow, you're so cool

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:43, Reply)
I've already uploaded a picture to my Instagram of me not buying a tv
and tagged every John Lewis and Tesco employee I could find.
I may just bring down capitalism, singlehandedly.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:47, Reply)
Take that, Consumerism!

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:46, Reply)
way to stick it to The Man, munchy

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:46, Reply)
^check out Billy 720p here

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:47, Reply)
I do rip all of my blu-rays down to 720p, it's true.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:48, Reply)
Ha ha pixel pikey

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:54, Reply)
It was 2009 mate.
But it got big around 2011.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:02, Reply)
I don't know why he can't just google these things himself instead of asking here

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:03, Reply)
Can you sort my internet out for me?
I'm at the end of my contract so am going to a standard tariff, also, my years free sky is up, and I sort of fancy keeping it. Can you find me a decent deal?
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:06, Reply)
I've got your broadband deal, right here. *points*
Get your mitts around this fat pipe.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:08, Reply)
It just looks like a standard cat5.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:09, Reply)
Don't know what that is. Soz.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:14, Reply)
The catch has broken off the connector so it keeps on falling out of the socket, too.
:(
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:15, Reply)
I'm not telling you, you fucking oaf

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:24, Reply)
It has been around longer than the moon and the stars.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:25, Reply)
2003, it was his 8th studio album and his alleged retirement from the rap game

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:32, Reply)
we nicked it from those commercially obsessed Americans...

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:46, Reply)
It's a load of bollocks.
The Doris has come up with a list of things I might want to consider buying.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:48, Reply)
WHY IT GOTTA BE BLACK?!

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:53, Reply)
good morning fuckers and fuckettes

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:37, Reply)
Dolla dolla bills yo

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:40, Reply)
good morning

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:52, Reply)
I'm wearing a woolly hat

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:42, Reply)
there's the spirit

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:52, Reply)
Black Fridays Matter

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:42, Reply)
sure do

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:53, Reply)
+Rebecca

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:26, Reply)
this is what black friday looks like outside spoons in the C.O.V.
scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/23844480_10156880073894942_5803534520634769184_n.jpg?oh=32ce28e50081482038cdb018d1b57fb7&oe=5A8AF776
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:34, Reply)
Blimey how cheap is the ruddles today then ?

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:37, Reply)
I only drink craft ales soz

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:50, Reply)
Jesus Christ, there's a thousand pigs!

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:38, Reply)
see you there, mate!

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:41, Reply)
I'm going tooled up

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:46, Reply)
Get a round in, I'll be over

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:46, Reply)
In Spain a few years back,
I went to a very small local history museum about three days before a massive street festival, expecting there to be no-one there but the people who owned/ran it. In the end there were about 300 armed police milling around outside. I thought they'd found a terrorist cell or something but it turned out to be National Police Day.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:55, Reply)
Morning $$
It's a lovely day out there. Just bought some bread from Asda on Deptford high street - exciting times.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:45, Reply)
There's an Asda now, typical gentrification of a se london shithole

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:53, Reply)
You should see the state of the station yard
Little Nan's is just beyond. £5 for chips. Cocktails in teapots. Pat Butcher pictures all around the toilet. It's shameful.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:59, Reply)
Is that near the birds nest? I remember when that was just a rough boozer

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:18, Reply)
I think they had a theatre in that place
I did the soundtrack for a play once
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:25, Reply)
They did, and a Thai restaurant i think

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:30, Reply)
Well, I've enjoyed this wander down nostalgia lane
I'm meeting up with some old college buddies tomorrow so there will be reminiscence a-go-go
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:53, Reply)
tiger loaf I bet

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:53, Reply)
They didn't have such frippery

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:58, Reply)
Tiger loaves are horrible.
My kids go mad for them, though.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:05, Reply)
Or Giraffe bread, if you believe the PR
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-16812545
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:08, Reply)
Yes, but nobody calls them that.
Cute story, though.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:13, Reply)
write to the netherlands you stupid little shit
they came up with the name
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:19, Reply)
She'd be nine now.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 10:21, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 7:58, Reply)
hiya

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:09, Reply)
And a good fucking morning to you.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:04, Reply)
cheers

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:09, Reply)
Bit gender specific m8
Morning
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:19, Reply)
fluid morning to you

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:25, Reply)
shit up a sparrow

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:27, Reply)
wank on a giraffe's cunt

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:34, Reply)
You're sticking your neck out with that one

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:54, Reply)
spitroast a fucking walrus

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:58, Reply)
Good Morning!

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:27, Reply)
here he is!

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:32, Reply)
lol he's mad!!

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:56, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:34, Reply)
Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness; no laziness; no procrastination; never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:41, Reply)
The true value of snatch is timeless.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:47, Reply)
hey you motherfuckeroos
get over it
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 8:55, Reply)
don't ruin another Evolution Day

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:06, Reply)
evolution is a myth m8

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:09, Reply)
God made me using spunkem and magic

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:16, Reply)

spu je
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:19, Reply)
+ make a break, make a move

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:25, Reply)
Uprock
Sureshot
Never stop the body rock - uprock
Uprockiiiiing

Arguably a better tune than Hey You
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:30, Reply)
Happy African-American Friday!

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:07, Reply)
I'm neither of those things.
Got anything more inclusive?
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:14, Reply)
word up, b

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:16, Reply)
Mickey Flanagan is on the radio
and has just dedicated a David Gray song to his missus.
That may just be the naffest thing I've ever heard.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:12, Reply)
He's a wanker

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:16, Reply)
To clarify, I meant Flanagan is a wanker.
David Gray is, however, also a wanker. As is monster munch.

keyword: prick
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:17, Reply)
Thorough.

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:24, Reply)
is it his going out-out music?
hahahahahahahahahaha... christ
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:16, Reply)
*wince*

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:18, Reply)
Hahahahahaha!
I don't get this.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:24, Reply)
^

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:28, Reply)
it's from one of his routines
he talks about going 'out out'
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:31, Reply)
Like, from the closet?
Well, good for him. No one should have to live a lie.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:34, Reply)
The second naffest being his whole fucking act

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:32, Reply)
Radio 4 had a programme about his childhood,
back when he was just becoming famous (so, probably 10 years ago). It was alright, but he seems to have gotten steadily less funny ever since.
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:38, Reply)
*double thumbs up face*

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:32, Reply)
willy

(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 9:35, Reply)
Alright

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 21:57, Reply)
damn it, I like this! afucking gain!
just wanted to say: "good night"
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 23:03, Reply)

Well it's heartening to receive some polite interaction on the board, there's so much negativity around here that it just really dampens my spirit.

Thank you, friend, for showing me that beeter is not a cold, dark place after all xx
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 23:26, Reply)
Classic beater
www.b3ta.com/talk/4674837
(, Fri 24 Nov 2017, 0:00, Reply)
Hevenin' Hall
Bit quiet here today eh. I expect everyone's busy with their Thanksgiving celebrations.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:32, Reply)
Nah, I deleted 3 really good threads, you must have missed them. Loser.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:42, Reply)
I must have indeed, you great fanny
All the ones I saw were shit as fuck
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:49, Reply)
The radio in the car still only gets radio 4,
So I heard a but of Alexei Sayles "comedy" show. He's a fat unfunny prick still it seems.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 18:58, Reply)
Bit hit and miss, that series,
but I think that's par for the course with him - his act relies on you finding it funny to hear someone yell non sequiturs in a scouse accent (or where ever it is he's from).
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:03, Reply)
To be fair, I find most of his sort of era of comedians to be less than funny.
Elton and the like can all do one.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:05, Reply)
^

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:11, Reply)
I watched Baddiel and Newman at wembley arena on youtube
that was hard work. I guess I'm too young to appreciate it.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:26, Reply)
There's no age at which those cunts are anything other than shit

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:40, Reply)
Haha, 'that's you that is'
Classic
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:40, Reply)
Milky milky!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:44, Reply)
I wasn't allowed to stay up late enough to watch The Mary Whitehouse Experience.
Still, hearing it all second hand was invariably hilarious!
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:43, Reply)
I'd have probably been 16 at this point in time. :(

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:46, Reply)
At 16 I went abroad on my own, tbf my mum and dad were just phoning it in, they had two older kids

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:54, Reply)
My mum was a helicopter parent before it was cool.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 20:35, Reply)
I don't know what that means , I'm ok with that

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 20:42, Reply)
His bbc2 sketch show was ace

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:38, Reply)
His best work by far

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:41, Reply)
I enjoyed the comic strip stuff, I do love my comedy, I can normally find a very redeeming part in all of it

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 19:50, Reply)
I thank Jesus for being born

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:43, Reply)
praise him erryday

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:49, Reply)
#420prayzit

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:54, Reply)
#amen

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 18:01, Reply)
Hi Rich'ard

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:44, Reply)
Wotcha

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:49, Reply)
Working hard innit
These useless sales pricks won't pay for themselves
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:56, Reply)
i dunno what you've all been up to lately
but rest assured, i'm very disappointed
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:57, Reply)
<s>Th</s> w

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 18:08, Reply)
Dam you all to hell

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 18:14, Reply)
Whatevaaarrrrrr.
I'm going to see 'Thelma' tonight.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 18:09, Reply)
That Green Davis, eh, lads?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 18:28, Reply)
that green, green davis of home

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 18:31, Reply)
I wouldn't mind planting something in her pasture.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 18:52, Reply)
Been training for Black Friday.
Bought a load of shit this morning, took it back for refunds, this afternoon.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 18:29, Reply)
Alright, let's get passed the upset and the thread stomping,
And all have a nice afternoon thread.
What's your beef?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:05, Reply)
wellington

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:06, Reply)
He was a hero

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:09, Reply)
the vegetarian option

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:06, Reply)
We're back in the studio to finish a few bits over the weekend.
Want to lend me some bees for a credit on a decent CD?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:09, Reply)
you'll have to go to Bagnone to get the same bees

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:14, Reply)
also, what's a CD grandad?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:14, Reply)
Fuck off cassette hipster.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:15, Reply)
hey!
we started using cassettes after it was cool
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:33, Reply)
Do I have to?
Just finished telling Craig David what my flava is
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:09, Reply)
Instant beef-flavoured noodles.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:10, Reply)
This one
i.ytimg.com/vi/QqKPBHXzohs/maxresdefault.jpg

I am trying my hand at dover sole this evening, some nifty knife skills and fishmongery are required. They're not cheap so if I fuck it up I will be well gutted. Eff Why Aye.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:11, Reply)
House of Fools was a lovely slice of stupid

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:12, Reply)
it were greet

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:21, Reply)
You'll be alright,
And it's a lovely fish.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Fingers crossed
I'm trying to make myself learn new kitchen skills, so I don't end up making the same things all the time.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:20, Reply)
Remember: you can't write 'fishmongery' without 'mong'.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:19, Reply)
Shabu shabu

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:13, Reply)
Bit jap for me.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:18, Reply)
You'd like the no pan version

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:19, Reply)
+ts

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:20, Reply)
That is what it means yes

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:21, Reply)
wow

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:23, Reply)
Japan is a nation of perverts

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:46, Reply)
Bit of you innit
m.bigweekends.com/h5/bookingHub?pagePath=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.bigweekends.com%2Fyour-break%2F178496
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:49, Reply)
what a horrendous lineup

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:01, Reply)
you love marvin humes

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:03, Reply)
well obv

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:29, Reply)
The cut up boys are actually surprisingly dogshit

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:30, Reply)
jeffrey dahmer's favourites

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:35, Reply)
And the Nike black Friday thing is on , 30% off on top of sale price

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:52, Reply)
none for me :(

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:00, Reply)
the person i work with doesn't like me singing christmas songs until 1st december
bit rude tbh

in other related news www.xmasclock.com/
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:15, Reply)
It was pointed out earlier that it's 32 sleeps.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:18, Reply)
i'm not keen on the "sleeps" thing
not at all
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:19, Reply)
^^^

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:21, Reply)
^

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:25, Reply)
and he's spelt chrimblepops wrong

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:32, Reply)
That's a cuntdown if ever I've seen one

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:19, Reply)
it's not pleasant but it gets the job done
said the actress to the bishop AAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:22, Reply)
the man.
my beef is with the man.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:17, Reply)
He's more scared of you than you are of him

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:19, Reply)
i don't doubt it

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:37, Reply)
stick "it" to him i always say

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:24, Reply)
Which end?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:27, Reply)
his bum end

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:29, Reply)
lit?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:38, Reply)
Tits

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:19, Reply)
I'm not a rapper, so I've never been involved in a "beef".

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:25, Reply)
the term beef predates rap

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:28, Reply)
Never stop learning stuff on this informative website

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:30, Reply)
They should have called it 'prawn'.
Would have been funnier.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:32, Reply)
I'm not a farmer or a butcher, either.
I'm not sure what it is Windy wants from me.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:43, Reply)
+ Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:45, Reply)
Star Trek, eh?
Another opportunity to flood the board with divisive nerd chat!
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:25, Reply)
Rump or topside?
decisions, decisions...
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:37, Reply)
^ Grindr slang

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:41, Reply)

n
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:55, Reply)
lol, Gridr

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:38, Reply)
rump, blue, every time
no peppercorn sauce, just beautiful rump steak.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:14, Reply)
An aristocrat...

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:21, Reply)
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don't give up.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:00, Reply)
Each one of us has our own evolution of life, and each one of us goes through different tests which are unique and challenging.
But certain things are common. And we do learn things from each other's experience. On a spiritual journey, we all have the same destination.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:53, Reply)
We all end up dead, that's for sure.
Bad news for the transhumanists, I suppose.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 17:31, Reply)
fuck

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:04, Reply)
+it up your shit chute you commie loving spastic

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:17, Reply)
you took the words right outta my mouth
it must have been while you were kissing me
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:19, Reply)
that wasn't me

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:22, Reply)
oh....

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:41, Reply)
dripping.
No sorry, curtains.

Dripping beef curtains
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:40, Reply)
What's the best hissy fit you've thrown?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:21, Reply)
I don't engage in that kind of juvenile behaviour m8.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:22, Reply)
Now now, I was only being a dick, I thought it was a very good thread.
It'll be alright
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:23, Reply)
You're sleeping on the couch tonight.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:25, Reply)
No u

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:39, Reply)
I could probably give you a top ten.
Im not going to though
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:23, Reply)
First grrry, now yetso.
This bullying needs to stop before we run out of contributors.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:24, Reply)
Fuck off you cunt

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:24, Reply)
You'll never be rid of me.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:30, Reply)

thump.vice.com/en_us/article/pg8x3k/young-boy-dancing-group-lasers-butt-queer-art?utm_campaign=global&utm_source=vicefbanz
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:25, Reply)
Randomly enough,
I have seen a clip of a girl pole-dancing while wearing a green laser butt plug. There's visibly a market for them.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:33, Reply)
Undeniably, this ha challenged my preconceived notions of gender and sexuality
and left me questioning institutionalized settings.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:33, Reply)
Fricken lasers for brown eyes

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:35, Reply)
This remake of Ghosbusters is rubbish
"Don't cross the beams!"
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 16:07, Reply)
dunno

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:39, Reply)
What about when two hats cheats at darts

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:41, Reply)
I usually jam a dart into his hand
but I do it with no emotion
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:41, Reply)
I went fucking spastic at the gas manager of our block earlier this week
He didn't turn up for an appointment with my wife and left her waiting for two hours, at which point I called him: he'd decided he wasn't coming at all and hadn't even bothered to tell her. He genuinely thought this was fine. I explained otherwise.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:09, Reply)
I thought you were the gas manager.
Parp
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:17, Reply)
Chop his head off and chuck it down the rubbish chute.
You'll be fine; the police will buy you a pint for taking care of him anyway.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:21, Reply)
will do

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:25, Reply)
"Mr beef, whilst I appreciate the obvious distress that the lack of hot water is causing during these winter months,
do you really think it appropriate to come into my office with your tongue jammed behind your lower lip, waving your arms about like flippers and making mnnnng noises?"
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:30, Reply)
It was much more aggressive than that

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:41, Reply)
You got your mate to push you over there in a wheelchair,
and dribbled on his desk?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:43, Reply)
"I'll come down to your office and execute you in front of your kids!"
that kind of thing?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:44, Reply)
there was a great deal of DO YOU THINK IT IS ACCEPTABLE
and IF I DID MY JOB AS BADLY AS YOU I WOULDN'T HAVE ONE

and SHIT ON A GORILLA'S COCK YOU CUNT, that sort of thing
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:54, Reply)
The building association here has put up some classic blowhard posters about parking spaces.
Everyone nicks each other's parking spaces in the business centre, so the association put up about twenty posters all over the place saying that parking spaces were private and belonged to their owners, and if this were not respected in the future, they would be "obliged to take other measures".
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:53, Reply)
Banana in the tail pipe
?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:54, Reply)
They've given themselves plenty of room to manoeuvre
so it could be anything from the mildly inconvenient to the psychotic at this stage.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:57, Reply)
couple of snooker balls in a sock

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:57, Reply)
The building association of the first flat in which I lived in France
used to send a bloke over to walk around the car park on a Sunday morning, dressed in a suit and tie, to see if he could spot any breaches of the residence's regulations (people drying their laundry on the balcony, barbecuing, parking in the wrong place, etc.). You could see him from the window of the flat, just wandering around, the tails of his overcoat billowing in the breeze.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:06, Reply)

tail shit
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:58, Reply)
turtle power

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 15:00, Reply)
couldn't say
but i'm pretty sure it was instigated by my brother
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:43, Reply)
RIP Gazza :'(

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:41, Reply)
RIP your latest account :)

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:46, Reply)

'you offer no contribution to either board and are just unpleasant to be around. fuck off.'
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:52, Reply)
Poor mcbeef

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:02, Reply)
bit mean isn't it

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:10, Reply)
AIDS related, apparently

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:47, Reply)
Having one's bollocks squeezed affects every man differently

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:48, Reply)
now wiv da raoul moats x x x

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:49, Reply)
Fishing, chicken and dressing gowns in Valhalla

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:56, Reply)
KFC is heaven

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:59, Reply)
Aww, that last thread looked like it will be alright.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:50, Reply)
A Member for 9 years??!
That's some hard core trolling...

lol, member
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:02, Reply)
So I'm signing up to this new website, better create several accounts all at the same time in case I get banned

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:05, Reply)
Wave a chicken in the air!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:15, Reply)
+male

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:25, Reply)
omg only 32 sleeps until chrimblepops!!!!!!!!!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:27, Reply)
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:28, Reply)
Figgy pudding for all

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:28, Reply)
I hope so

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:32, Reply)
my mum makes sticky toffee puddings for us
it's well nyommy foood
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:33, Reply)
I'm excited

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:31, Reply)
it it an exciting time of year, but let's not forget the true meaning

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:33, Reply)
one of those its should be an is

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:34, Reply)
it it it it it it it it
oom noom noom noom noom num get a job
sha na naa na sha na na na na
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:37, Reply)
shut up m8

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 13:00, Reply)
never

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:11, Reply)
POW!!!
Thread no.2 - lol 'no.2'

How's it going? Everything OK? I am struggling with motivation today. Are you struggling with anything? Anything we, your internet friends, can help with?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:03, Reply)
It's quiet at work.
Bit boring. I have to go up and get some stuff from the industrial estate near my house. Can't be arsed.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:04, Reply)
Liven things up by sticking your finger in a socket and pissing your pants again

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:12, Reply)
I hope your boiler fails again

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:18, Reply)
I'm struggling with the low education levels of some of my colleagues
perhaps you could help by teaching primary school level maths to the girl in the front office?
might be good practice for you
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:12, Reply)
Oh I'll "teach it to her in the front office" alright

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:13, Reply)
Gary is doing a management course that for some reason involved some GCSE level maths.
There was a difficult hour trying to walk him through a bit of algebra. Trying to explain to him that just because he doesn't think stewards get paid 9.50 an hour, that is still the answer as it's a maths problem not asking your oponion.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:16, Reply)
yeah it turns out that the basic maths skills provided by a gcse qualification have all sorts of practical applications in working life, which is why most jobs have it as a minimum requirement

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:26, Reply)
Pssh!
You'll be saying literacy is important, next.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:27, Reply)
if it is, you're fucked m8

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:28, Reply)
Book learning is for nerds! I'll get by on my wits and...
No, you're right, I'm doomed.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:30, Reply)
I know plenty of site foreman that can't read.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:02, Reply)
It's "foremans".
Duh.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:08, Reply)

ma ski
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:09, Reply)
lol, penis

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:13, Reply)
Saw Paddington 2 last night, it was lovely
I'd like to be able to concentrate for more that 5 minutes on something, how do people do this?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:12, Reply)
I enjoyed it also, nice and English

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:13, Reply)
The first one was a bit of a love letter to multiculturalism,
managing to be both thoroughly British and thoroughly against my prescription of the British.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:16, Reply)
Loved spotting all the comedy bit-players in it including Justin Edwards and Tom Davis

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:18, Reply)
Will Smith was in the last one.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:20, Reply)
So am I

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:28, Reply)
You're Nicole Kidman, aren't you?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:33, Reply)
Yes

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:34, Reply)
I liked it when you got your boobies out in Dead Calm.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:44, Reply)
Thanks m8

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:48, Reply)
If only more women were receptive to being complimented on the loveliness of their breasts.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:53, Reply)
I'm not like other girls, m8

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:55, Reply)
I'm ludicrously unmotivated, at the moment.
Had a look round for other jobs, but there's nothing that fits my criteria.
Maybe I should just go and work in the amazon warehouse, down the road - at least it would slash my commute.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:14, Reply)
Can you still pay a recruiter to find you a new job?
Is that still a thing? It was a thing back in the day.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:20, Reply)
I get a lot of emails from them, trying to get me to give work to their clients.
Pretty sure I could send out shitty, unsolicited emails myself.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:22, Reply)
Motivation's a bit lacking over here as well tbh.
I can also see the writing on the wall where I'm working right now, and it says that one of my bosses is going to retire by the end of next year and I'm going to get lumped with a metric arseload of project management shit that I don't want.

Had a bit of a mixed evening last night. I went to see You Were Never Really Here at the cinema and was a bit late leaving the house, so I had to run for the metro too quickly after eating, which made me throw up. So that was nice. Then I forgot to swipe my metro card properly, so the journey didn't register and the ticket inspector stung me for €50. Thus far it had all the makings of a classic night out on the town.

The film was effin' amazing, though. Joaquin Phoenix looked like he'd been waiting his entire life up to this point just to play that role.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:23, Reply)
Europe is nothing without englishmen vomiting on its pavements.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:25, Reply)
It's the modern equivalent of planting one's flag.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:37, Reply)
Joaquin Phoenix is the real deal
Her, Walk the Line, the Master, I'm Still Here. He is bloody great.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:26, Reply)
good in Gladiator I thought

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:31, Reply)
I haven't seen most of his stuff.
Pretty sure his performance in Gladiator inspired Jack Gleeson's King Joffrey, though.

He gives a complete powerhouse of a performance here, which is all the more impressive when you consider how little he has to say.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:33, Reply)
The Master is a superb film
It's a fictional version of Scientology with Philip Seymour Hoffman playing a version of L Ron Hubbard.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:34, Reply)
Ooh, sounds good.
IMDB sez "Philip Seymour Hoffman had his first drink in 23 years at the wrap party for this film, leading to a relapse of his alcoholism." Addictionlols!
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:53, Reply)
SPIRALINTODECLINELOLZ!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:54, Reply)
No piece of set went unchewed on that film
Reed died through set poisoning, Russell Crowe ... well ... just urgh.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:35, Reply)
There is almost enough ham in it to get it banned in Israel alright.
Thanks to "Reed died through set poisoning", I am now having difficulty suppressing an officelol.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:36, Reply)
Joaquin off, more like.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:57, Reply)
he does in The Master

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:05, Reply)
I'm struggling with some statistics
it's always tricky getting up to date numbers to check against targets. We've got a fancypants reporting system but it's not updated in a couple of weeks so I THINK we're doing well, but I'm gonna have to do my "who can say" face in a meeting later and try and distract everyone with google analytics.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:33, Reply)
Just talk about trajectories, and compare with last year.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:35, Reply)
lol anal

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:36, Reply)
Often a struggle!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:49, Reply)
Struggling with a recurring dream
In which a mountain lion keeps trying to eat me. Last night he was joined by 2 Bengal tigers.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:33, Reply)
I started watching Zoo, last night.
Plenty of lion on man action.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:46, Reply)
Poo, more like!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:48, Reply)
lol, poo!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:51, Reply)
you get the joke!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:56, Reply)
It looks silly
And not the good kind of silly.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:59, Reply)
It means you want to be double teamed by two indian men
while a mountain lion tries to eat you
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:49, Reply)
That doesn't sound pleasant

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:58, Reply)
racist

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:05, Reply)
Yeah I'm good ta

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:41, Reply)
good stuff

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:49, Reply)
A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us
when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavour by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:45, Reply)
well I've only just started my working day...
Not feeling particularly bedraggled today, tbh.
See what the day throws at me.

Motivation comes from the fact that it's Thursday.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:51, Reply)
Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:08, Reply)
I just had to phone a man called zul
I wanted to ask if dana was there, but I didn't
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:08, Reply)
Ninja from the nth dimension?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:12, Reply)
no I'm not, you must have me mixed up with someone else

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:16, Reply)
There is no Dana
Only Zuul
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:16, Reply)
What a lovely singing voice you must have.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:17, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8132333
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:17, Reply)
I DIDS!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:24, Reply)
outstanding

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:18, Reply)
Oh, like on The Goonies!
Now I get it!
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:28, Reply)
Ask him if he sleeps above the sheets
THREE FEET ABOVE THE SHEETS!
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 11:59, Reply)
i believe you mean 4 feet above the covers

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 14:42, Reply)
new thread please

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:23, Reply)
on it m8

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 12:28, Reply)

Morning
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 7:46, Reply)
Ohaio

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 7:52, Reply)
Alright Hotfuck.
You like cricket?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 7:59, Reply)
Guten morgen, Herr Piggington!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 7:58, Reply)
I really and honestly believe that you should be banned again.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 7:59, Reply)
Would it make your Christmas more special?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:04, Reply)
I don't think so.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:15, Reply)
Careless talk costs lives, friend.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:04, Reply)
When are we getting a decent budget?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:15, Reply)
When Chuka Umunna is PM

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:56, Reply)
Someone should tell him he's got too much of a weird shaped head to be bald.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:01, Reply)
He's very shiny
I like him. He looks like someone's made an effort and cleaned him up nicely.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:04, Reply)
He's the one who holds the electorate in open contempt, isn't he?

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:15, Reply)
no, that's me m8

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:21, Reply)
You've also got a weird shaped head.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:22, Reply)
haha, which one? I'M TALKING ABOUT WILLIES!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:25, Reply)
you know me, I normally like jokes
but this? This was unpleasant to read.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:27, Reply)
Not Van Halen's finest hour.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:28, Reply)
I disagree

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:29, Reply)
Good morning

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:15, Reply)
Yea

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:21, Reply)
hi Wind
Haha, that's topical
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:16, Reply)
Next doors garden umbrella thing was in my garden.
They're wankers so in a fit of passive aggressive childish behaviour I passed it on to the wrong side.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:22, Reply)
YOU SURE SHOWED THEM

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:27, Reply)
I might write a letter to the parish newsletter

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:38, Reply)
I look forward to reading it

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:46, Reply)
pinko commie RAG

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:50, Reply)
filled with fake news

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:52, Reply)
^

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:56, Reply)
Morning WP.
How goes it?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:21, Reply)
Ok

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:22, Reply)
Morning

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:22, Reply)
Morn

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:23, Reply)
hola

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:24, Reply)
Aloha

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:28, Reply)
Oh right, you always have to go one better

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:43, Reply)
Yesterday there were leaves on the trees
today they are all on the floor.

It is a windy morning
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:37, Reply)
I've been slightly less windy than normal this morning
Just to balance things out
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:42, Reply)
If a buggerfly (I like that typo, I'm keeping it) flaps its wings in the rain forrest etc

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:59, Reply)
Morning windy

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Yeah, I decided against taking the bike this morning
to avoid being guffed into the road by Mother Nature.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:44, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsY8l0Jg3lY
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:50, Reply)
The Association
formerly known as The Inner Tubes.

Trufax
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:56, Reply)
hi

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:47, Reply)
How's it?
Found this? I found this property on the Rightmove and wanted you to see it: www.rightmove.co.uk/s6p/68975612
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:52, Reply)
Rear garden laid to barren wasteland

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:55, Reply)
too rich for my blood
thanks for thinking of me though. We're looking in the 75-100k bracket, really
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:56, Reply)

I found this property on the Rightmove and wanted you to see it: www.rightmove.co.uk/s6p/51167856
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:58, Reply)
Crikey. I didn't look closely, but with that wallpaper and white faux leather furniture i.might buy it.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:59, Reply)
It looks like a semi-detached caravan

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:01, Reply)
I think it is.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:02, Reply)
It's not saying "family home", is it

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:03, Reply)
What I'm saying is that I'm moving there and living alone

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:04, Reply)
Classy

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:11, Reply)

I found this property on the Rightmove and wanted you to see it: www.rightmove.co.uk/s6p/50509281
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:55, Reply)
I was looking at Paulsgrove last night, actually
I just wanted to see what we could get in our budget. Turns out we could get half a street.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:57, Reply)
Good old Paulsgrove

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:59, Reply)
Mrs Hats teaches in a school there
So moving there would save us a fortune in petrol money.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:00, Reply)
My wife thinks I should retrain as a teacher
In fact she is just the latest in a long line of people who've said this to me. Not sure how I feel about this tbh.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:10, Reply)
christ
Heard that all the time when I graduated. A few people from school trained as teachers, only one of them is still a teacher.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:11, Reply)
Isn't there some sort of government cash incentive though?
Provided you stick with it for 5 years. Or something, I might be misremembering
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:13, Reply)
up to 26k bursary
"up to"
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:15, Reply)
[YouTube clip of Robin the Business Manager explaining Place's film-maker grant]

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:17, Reply)
You only get the money if you're teaching whatever subject the government has deemed to be a priority.
Which is never History.
Also, teaching salaries are crap.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:27, Reply)
boo

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:30, Reply)
+bs
lol
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:31, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:34, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:57, Reply)
I think so

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:15, Reply)
it's 11p!

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:28, Reply)
11p lol

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:29, Reply)
I think it's because I'm such a know-it-all prick

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:15, Reply)
I suppose an encyclopedic knowledge of trainers could come in handy teaching Design Tech.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:29, Reply)
I think you've got to want to do it
I don't think I could. The stories she comes home with. Not to mention the injuries.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:13, Reply)
My father advised me not to
Bear in mind he taught at some of the best public schools in the country, he said it ended up being utterly soul destroying
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:14, Reply)
No sense of progress, I'd imagine
an endless parade of customers where each year is more entitled and harder to communicate with than the last
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:20, Reply)
I should imagine he got a fair bit of 'I don't need to know any of this shit, my father owns a castle'

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:21, Reply)
But however will they cope when the proles rise up and class is abolished

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:24, Reply)
I'd prefer to be a uni lecturer
a cool one that hangs out with the undergrads
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:16, Reply)
Like Donald Sutherland in Animal House

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:18, Reply)
yeah, drinking, smoking weed
maybe banging a few
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:20, Reply)
Pervert

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:19, Reply)
I'll be available at lunchtime if you have any questions, or you just wanna rap

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:21, Reply)
bring some friends

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:22, Reply)
Lunch?
www.restaurant-onaturel.fr/en/
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:37, Reply)
nice

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:40, Reply)
err, imagine all the skids on the chairs

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:01, Reply)
quite

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:23, Reply)
I used to like my wife's stories about intimidating secondary school kids with her tits.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:38, Reply)
I could do that, but with my cock and bollocks

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:42, Reply)
Unless they're hanging off your chin, it'll only work on very short /young pupils,
and I'll look forward to reading about it in the news.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:48, Reply)
Quite a few people have said it to me as well.
There's an extremely common assumption that if you speak several languages, you must want to be a teacher, and I've no idea where it comes from. The idea of spending all day, every day dealing with kids and their bullshit makes me want to set the nail gun on full auto and jam it under my chin.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:16, Reply)
Not the sort of job you should wander into on someone else's say so, if you ask me.
Bit of a vocation.
Still, if you became a history teacher, you could bang on about nazis all day, without anyone batting an eyelid.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:25, Reply)
If I were going to do it I'd want to teach Classical Civilisation

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:28, Reply)
I bet you would, you dirty old bollocks

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:30, Reply)
I seriously doubt you'd be able to do that full time.
Probably have to become a PE teacher, as well.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:30, Reply)
well I *am* a sadist with an incredibly low IQ, that could work

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:32, Reply)
Is I like to think the stereotypes are wrong,
but I've still not met a PE teacher that wasn't either a dipshit or a lesbian.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:35, Reply)
my PE teacher was a rugby player
he was cool as shit
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:41, Reply)
There's nothing cool about rugby, or rugby players.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:50, Reply)
^

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:51, Reply)
Lies.
Rugby's brilliant.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:07, Reply)
one of my deputy heads was a rugby player
I don't remember there being anything cool about him
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 10:05, Reply)
Then you and a PE teacher colleague could form a comedy double act
and have a reasonable degree of success on 80s primetime television despite writing sketches aimed at nine-year-olds.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:35, Reply)
it's a shit job and you'd hate it

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:34, Reply)
You've sold it it to me now

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:40, Reply)
I've got your bursary right here

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:44, Reply)
hey there windy pig swinging down the street so fancy-free

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:49, Reply)
I wear briefs

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:54, Reply)
I hate that song for some reason

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:57, Reply)
Irrational hatred for something, Richard? That's not like you.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:21, Reply)
Normally I know exactly what it is that irks me about things, but not with this one
I rather like chirpy 60s pop on the whole, and there are few chirpier and more 60s-ier songs than this one so I'm a bit stumped.
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:25, Reply)
pervert

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 8:58, Reply)
Classic morning thread.
Remember when these were a regular occurrence, eh?
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:14, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:18, Reply)
Just for this, I might delete it.

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:20, Reply)
no one would hold it against you

(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:23, Reply)
but I might
*wink* *wink*
(, Thu 23 Nov 2017, 9:23, Reply)
So what about that budget, eh??
What about it?

Exactly.

alt. Good evening.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 17:00, Reply)
At least we don't have to worry about the deficit of housing crisis, anymore.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 17:16, Reply)
budge it up your arse m8
alt: not so bad, wife's out which is a shame but I'll make the best of it by which I mean get stoned off my tits and gorge myself on red meat and wine
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 17:23, Reply)
Cracking night, all in all

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 17:27, Reply)
"Freezing alcohol duty apart from an increase in duty on high-strength white ciders"
Tax the chavs!
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 17:31, Reply)
or make the chavs more implied to thieve for their cider, and generally be little buggers.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 17:55, Reply)
Not that they need the encouragement to begin with.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 18:00, Reply)
I'm almost willing to defend that move.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 18:09, Reply)
The only real solution is prohibition, drive it all underground, make everyone a criminal

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 20:31, Reply)
Taxation can be an effective way of moderating consumption,
although I'd prefer to see the £/unit model, like Scotland is doing.
Probably needs be combined with an aggressive public health campaign, though, like what we done with baccy.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 21:14, Reply)
I like a budget calculator,
Turns out I'll be 8 quid a month better off. Which is 2 pints at my local.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 18:24, Reply)
same here! £8.42

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 18:31, Reply)
So we both get the same income tax reduction and nothing else changes

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 18:51, Reply)
Me, too.
Better off, so long as I overlook inflation, and the fact that my salary has been frozen since I don't know when.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 19:40, Reply)
I've got your 'raise' right here m8

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 20:42, Reply)
Performance related, no doubt.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 21:00, Reply)
Bit disappointed that the lifetime allowance didn't get abolished, and tax relief changed to a flat 30%, but hey ho.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 18:34, Reply)
You should be banned

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 18:51, Reply)
This place would die on it is arse if I left.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 18:54, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7292078
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 22:28, Reply)
49p on a packt of fags
/smokerslols
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 19:17, Reply)
At least you've cut back on the e

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 20:32, Reply)
Lol

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 20:28, Reply)
Today is a good day to delete.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 20:33, Reply)
You maniacs! You deleted it! Ah, god damn you all to hell!

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:31, Reply)
No more maniacal than the people defending water companies for using dowsing

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:38, Reply)
and now i have doug mcclure stuck in my head

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:41, Reply)

Doug Troy
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:48, Reply)
you may know him from such films as alice doesn't live anymore

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:07, Reply)
Alright

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:45, Reply)
Maniac
Brainiac, winning the game
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:50, Reply)
Two Hats new gaff
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-50445537.html
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:50, Reply)
You're kidding
That's the one I'm moving out of. Pokey little shithole. You I mean.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:52, Reply)
had some great Kwanzaas there

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:54, Reply)
says you

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:55, Reply)
Looks like a country pub
Minus the modern bathrooms
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:52, Reply)
One of the houses I've looked at had a bar
but with blue lighting behind the optics, and black leather bar stools. It reeked of good taste.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:57, Reply)
and babycham

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:08, Reply)
Cushty.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:17, Reply)
That slideshow's a right old mess.
Are they trying to convey some sort of 'before and after' idea? Or is the whole place done up in a ghastly and random blend of old-fashioned and modern ideas bunged in any old how?
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:54, Reply)
Some of the photo sets I've seen are diabolical
Purple Brick seem to be the worst offenders. I saw one, where the photo of the bathroom was basically a picture of a slightly damp towel.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:56, Reply)
Haha, classy.
It looks like they've taken photos of every property on their books and are showing them all at the same time.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:57, Reply)
Blimey it's a bit mork and Mindy out my barnets in a right old two and eight

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:10, Reply)
^twat

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:12, Reply)
No need for that is there , just put me on ignore if you don't wish to see my posts

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:20, Reply)
it's a natural reaction to cockney rhyming slang

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:23, Reply)
It's my cultural heritage so fuck you northern monkey

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:26, Reply)
that doesn't even rhyme

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:29, Reply)
My dad's from Brixton, what charming cultural artifact can I claim as part of my heritage?

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:36, Reply)
Race riots

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:39, Reply)
Woo hoo!
Rivers of blood!
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:46, Reply)
u r wel racist

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:52, Reply)
Mork af eh

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:13, Reply)
Innit, nearly at the battle cruiser tho

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:17, Reply)
couple of britneys and you'll be right as rain

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:21, Reply)
It's a win

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 16:14, Reply)
Oi oi,
I can't do my job as I can't disturb the lunchtime concert. So I'm sat in the cloisters. What's disturbed your day of work?
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:40, Reply)
I'll kick you in the cloisters in a minute, m8

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:40, Reply)
get him right in the Kim Clijsters

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:42, Reply)
You need to look up cloisters

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:48, Reply)
what for?

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:53, Reply)
he wants to fuck you in the cloisters

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:54, Reply)
Oxford lot are funny, ain't they
You wouldn't be allowed to do that down here
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:58, Reply)
no, most certainly not

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:12, Reply)
Don't judge us

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:15, Reply)
masturbation

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:41, Reply)
Not today but yesterday,
the Yellow Pages salesman turned up so we could renegotiate our subscription. So he and my two bosses had a meeting in the open-plan office, and trying to focus on what I was doing was a mare.

The meeting was also unintentionally funny because my bosses both have a seething and only faintly-concealed hatred for the Yellow Pages guy, probably because he is a smarmy serial bullshitter.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:43, Reply)
Worst porno ever.
Is the Yellow Pages really still a thing?
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:45, Reply)
BROWN pages, more like!

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:48, Reply)
It really is, you know.
My ex's sister's boyfriend works for them and got promoted recently.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:49, Reply)
Head of Outdated Media?

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:57, Reply)
lol
Listening to the bloke try to explain their listing priority system yesterday was making steam come out of my ears. You can pay for a business card as well as a listing, which is supposed to make you appear higher up on the list of search results, but the priority of the results is shuffled alphabetically, except it isn't, because it's shuffled randomly, unless you have a *premium* business card (as opposed to a standard business card) in addition to your basic listing...
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:08, Reply)
Are they online now too?

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:10, Reply)
Yer,
although I can't imagine anyone thinking to themselves "I need to find out this piece of information; I'd better go on the internet and search the Yellow Pages."
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:11, Reply)
Conmen and assistance for the confused will advertise there
- dodgy investments
- unscrupulous tarmacking companies
- landline telephone sellers
- saga
- innovations (are they still going?)
- RSPCA
- incontinence pants sellers
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:02, Reply)
So basically we're paying to advertise to old people.
Nice.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:15, Reply)
GULLIBLE people
remember that (they won't)
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:20, Reply)
I wanted to leave early to go for a curry in the City with my wife and her colleagues but now I have to lock up
I wouldn't get there until after they'd finish eating so that's fucked. BOO :(
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:49, Reply)
lol gutted

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:52, Reply)
it's all good, got myself a nommy steak and some of the ol' collapso

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:14, Reply)
It's not Thursday tho

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:25, Reply)
I'm a rebel

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:26, Reply)
Foooooooood chat?

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:30, Reply)
Invite your wife and colleagues to the office and get a takeaway in.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:57, Reply)
You're such a lateral thinker
Strikey-etc
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:42, Reply)

lateral th secret lemonade-dr
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:50, Reply)
a sick child

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:56, Reply)
oh :(

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 13:56, Reply)
it's not all bad
I didn't have to go to work and I've done some washing and made tonight's dinner
/fobtm
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:09, Reply)
fuck off black teenager mothers?
bit harsh
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:12, Reply)
Should have left it at home.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:05, Reply)
Had a signature hot choc fromStarbucks
I have been tripping off my tits this morning on it and am now on the comedown
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:22, Reply)
Are they still selling those pumpkin spice monstrosities?

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:28, Reply)
No, they have moved onto gingerbread now

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:33, Reply)
I can't decide if that's a good thing or not.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:46, Reply)

Got milk?
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:58, Reply)

He'
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:01, Reply)
Good old PBF.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:04, Reply)
^

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:07, Reply)
Have you accidentally joined the Junior Campers?
[manolith to supply appropriate gif]
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:49, Reply)
I'm just sensitive to caffine
Same thing happened a few weeks ago, had to go for a quick walk to dissipate the fire running through my veins
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:58, Reply)
I once went for a half-naked jog in the snow, after too much caffeine.
Probably a good thing that I never touch stronger stimulants.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:01, Reply)
TDFU
Sucks to be you guy's.
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 14:55, Reply)
heartburn and apathy

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:08, Reply)
Might delete this thread too, what do you reckon?

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:14, Reply)
plz

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:16, Reply)
Stuj is here, can't do it.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:18, Reply)
plezh show boobs and vageen

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:20, Reply)
meh
if you like
(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:25, Reply)
Nuffin

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:16, Reply)
Alright stuj

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Sorry to hear about your cloisters.

(, Wed 22 Nov 2017, 15:24, Reply)

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