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Yeah nice one
Fuck this weather, and fuck you. Alright? Alright.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:58, Reply)
alt: alright.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:59, Reply)
alright

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 16:03, Reply)
So we are all going to die from ebola.
Shall we start the B3ta enclave in the woods somewhere? Doveston can be mayor
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:16, Reply)
JMG is lifelong mayor of /talktown.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:18, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:03, Reply)
^^^^

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:35, Reply)
*PISTOLS*

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:54, Reply)
No and no
Next
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:19, Reply)
remember 2unlimited?
i had their album on cassette
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:34, Reply)
I do
That came out around the time I left school, imagine that!
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:43, Reply)
i simply can't
however, try this for size. they are currently on tour!
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:48, Reply)
Not a musical tour, obviously
Selling time shares or something, right?
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:52, Reply)
no
www.2unlimitedlive.com/tour
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:58, Reply)
well I've just 'liked' them on the Facebooks.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:17, Reply)
hopefully a tour of Helmand province

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:59, Reply)
I'll have you know that Anita Doth can strip, clean and reassemble an M14 in less than a minute
So y'know
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:02, Reply)
Well that's pointless knowledge.
Which decent army uses an M14?
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:34, Reply)
She volunteers in a military museum
Always naysaying, you. Just give someone a fucking chance, yeah?
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:38, Reply)
what good is she in a museum?
she should get out there on the frontline.
lazy bitch.
all these fucking stupid mingebags wanting equal rights and then they just pick and choose which rights they really want. that's not fucking equal you foetid lepers.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:00, Reply)
She's a very busy woman
If you didn't already know, they're going on tour.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:02, Reply)
where's my fucking tour?
equal rights my fucking arse
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:17, Reply)
Im intrigued as to what the 'cobra method' involves
as I don't see how dancing around the place spitting everywhere is going to solve anything
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:24, Reply)
Unless you live in some third-world country, with poor healthcare facilities, and a limited understanding of infection control,
you're not going to die from Ebola.
If I were to be facing the prospect of living out the apocalypse in a survivalist enclave, I think I'd rather risk it with zombies, rather than throw my lot in with this sorry crowd.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:30, Reply)
would we be separated into tribes?
/talk, /board, /links, etc
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:32, Reply)
I want to live alone in a cave, please
That's generally....nothing to do with b3ta
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:44, Reply)
do you have a cave in mind or are you just thinking aloud?

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:08, Reply)
I don't mind really
As long as it's really difficult for humans to get to
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:09, Reply)
looks like spain is your best bet
www.rusticom.co.uk/spanish_properties/inland/rural/cave_houses.html
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:12, Reply)
Yes!
This is now my favourite website. Thank you Manolith
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:18, Reply)
oh my god this is amazing

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:29, Reply)
I was saving for a house boat, but fuck that now

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:30, Reply)
Why don't you get a floating cave boat?
Best of ALL worlds
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:20, Reply)
we're all more likely to die from an influenza type affair

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:32, Reply)
an affair?
oh mr sentimentals, i mustn't!
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:36, Reply)
you cannot resist our love
you have great influenza over me...
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:38, Reply)
he's caught the love bug

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:43, Reply)
Chlamydia?

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:52, Reply)
herbie?

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:58, Reply)
Nah, I can't be doing with you spastics dragging me down, I'm just going to live in a wooden shack on my own.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:30, Reply)
I'll bring the beers

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:33, Reply)
Leave them outside and piss off back to gaytown

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:38, Reply)
I just like the music, that's all...

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:42, Reply)
Just kidding, you can stay, but I'm in charge of the tunes

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:43, Reply)
see thats the community spirit i like!

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:45, Reply)
oh ok, cool.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:48, Reply)
STAY ABOUT FROM MY CAVE

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:38, Reply)
I'll bring the beers

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:42, Reply)
I don't want a cave, I want something with a door so I can ignore it when people knock

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:44, Reply)
Oh, my cave will have a door
like this
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 14:48, Reply)
great, as a dwarf i can get in, cool, cool

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:07, Reply)
Fuck THAT noise The LOVELY Bumless.
I'm going to be on my secret Nazi moonbase with all my Penguin Legion and Team Spiders.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:14, Reply)
Hey stuj
You're a good guy.
I'm bored at work.
Fancy paying for me to live so I can quit?
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:33, Reply)
Sorry The LOVELY MONO!. But no.
I'm afraid you'll just have to suffer.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:34, Reply)
in that case, I'll have to marry you

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:36, Reply)
As long as you're willing to have your bum painted gold, be incoherent and call me Arno, sure, why not?

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:42, Reply)
^ ^
stupid hat
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 15:51, Reply)
Pahahaha
The client site manager has just told me about this great delivery he recieves, from PACT coffee. He can't understand why I can't stop laughing. I KNEW he was a nonce, all the paedo jokes he tells aren't funny, just uncomfortable, and now I know the truth.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:33, Reply)
go on then, what's so upsetting about PACT?
I realise that b3ta is seemingly sponsored by it, but what's the issue with people having coffee?
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:34, Reply)
Each bean is forced up the bum of an non consenting child. That's what I heard.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:51, Reply)
nuttin but the truth

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 11:28, Reply)
I reckon this is all just some edgy, guerrilla marketing campaign.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:51, Reply)
I wish them the best
everyone has to make money somehow, as much as we don't want to, the idyll would be a society without money but that's ludicrous and I hate you for even trying to imagine it, FUCK, THIS ISN'T LOGAN'S FUCKING RUN.

Speaking of Logan's Run, how great is Box the robot? Fucking well great in't he.

"Overwhelming, am I not?" - Box, Logan's Run, 1976.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:55, Reply)
the voice of Box was the narrator of Babe
his name is "that one you think is James Earl Jones but isn't".
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 11:42, Reply)
i will think you will find that Babe was a documentary, the only reason we could hear the pig talking to the other animals was because of special recording equipment

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 11:57, Reply)
^fact

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:00, Reply)
Babe pig in the city
was a poignant telling of the injustice of a minority species trying to make it in a big bad world.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:01, Reply)
Both Babe and Box absolutely loved
"Fish, and plankton. And sea greens, and protein from the sea."
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:00, Reply)
I love the bit where Babe freezes the sheep and then by some not really explained phenomenon the whole farm falls down.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:32, Reply)
I liked that Babe was able to just make said weapons appear from thin air.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:43, Reply)
I heard they shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:49, Reply)
i've thought about this.
and i've come to the conclusion that you beakering on and on bores me. hope this helps.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 11:10, Reply)
that is such a shame
you can always use the ignore button, I won't mind
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 11:26, Reply)
also, is this grounds for our divorce, and who gets to keep two hats?
I remember it like it was yesterday
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 11:37, Reply)
I don't

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 11:44, Reply)
she's so fickle

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 11:46, Reply)
I'll get over it
:(
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 11:58, Reply)
Woah
I have no memory of that
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:10, Reply)
just like the geri/duggan thing for me!
i think we're slowly having our minds erased
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:22, Reply)
You might be right
You know what I don't get? Why do the people on /links and /qotw say that they hate everything, and why does it upset them so much that other people like these things? What tv shows/movies/books do they like? I don't get it.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:29, Reply)
I'm starting to think that this site is full of witless dullards with nothing valuable or interesting to say

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:39, Reply)
i always thought that was the point of this place.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 12:55, Reply)
^ cutting edge wit

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 13:13, Reply)
pricks

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:52, Reply)
Pricks and Prones May Break My Bones
But Words Will Never Jon Pertwee
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:55, Reply)
It's a bit chilly in here.
/ac
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:01, Reply)
wankers

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:03, Reply)

★★CLICK★THE★↑↓LIKE★WORD↑↓★★★★★★★★
░█░░░█░█░▄▀░█▀▀░░░░▀█▀░█░█░█░▄▀▀░
░█░░░█░█▀░░░█▀░░▄▄░░█░░█▀█░█░░▀▄
░█▄▄░█░█░▀▄░█▄▄░░░░░█░░█░█░█░▄▄▀░
★★CLICK★THE★↑↓LIKE★WORD↑↓★★★★★★★★
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:05, Reply)
Either my phone mucks up the spacing on all attempts at ASCII art,
or you're a fucking idiot.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:14, Reply)
Both.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:15, Reply)
your phone hates you

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:26, Reply)
Hey, my phone is like Roger Murtagh.
It's permanently 2 days from retirement and, though it may find me exasperating, it's actually very fond of me.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:06, Reply)
Sup

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:17, Reply)
yo

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:28, Reply)
word up g

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:20, Reply)
sup

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:28, Reply)
yo

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:24, Reply)
word up g

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:29, Reply)
'sup Bae

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:32, Reply)
a fine observation shambles

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:35, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:35, Reply)
you knows it

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:37, Reply)
safe as fuck

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:43, Reply)
your mother has a penis

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:20, Reply)
19, 9 , 19, 9 ,1983

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:26, Reply)
Hello.
I watched 21 Jump Street, last night, which appeared to be the hilarious tale of two closeted homosexuals attempting to commit statutory rape.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:39, Reply)
That does sound pretty hilarious

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:41, Reply)
I hope one was chubby and they other muscular as if
one was to receive and another to give it.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:48, Reply)
I think its sylvester stallone and danny devito

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:52, Reply)
Channing Tatum is sooooo dreamy,
if your fantasy is for a dead-eyed man-child with a stupid name.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:31, Reply)
How?

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:05, Reply)
god done it

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:07, Reply)
Which one?
Fingers crossed that it was the giant dung beetle.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:18, Reply)
that would explain a lot

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:20, Reply)
TAKE THAT, SCIENCE!

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:35, Reply)
nah

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:36, Reply)
oh, ok

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:47, Reply)
do you do?

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:20, Reply)
what you do to me?

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:20, Reply)
I wish I knew?

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:23, Reply)
hope this finds you well?

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:34, Reply)
go fuck yoursen

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:37, Reply)
can do!

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:40, Reply)
most notably

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:21, Reply)
bit chilly today, stupid sunshine

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:24, Reply)
This office has it's windows shut,
it should have them open.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:26, Reply)
open one them
i bet in 40 mins you'll receive a group email telling employees not to open the window because they have air con installed and it will render it useless.

They will not blame you directly because the person sending the email can't be arsed to walk over to you.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:33, Reply)
we don't have AC, so it's ok.

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 9:48, Reply)
baked.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 23:55, Reply)
edit: goodnight
ps the first rule of bag club is you don't talk about bag club
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 23:56, Reply)
best Bouise song ever

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 23:56, Reply)
phone hacking
www.b3ta.com/board/11092108
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 0:00, Reply)
That's /board in 2014, ladies and gentlemen!
Give it a big hand.
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 0:03, Reply)
;D
www.b3ta.com/board/11092113
(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 0:11, Reply)
wanker

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 8:24, Reply)
this is why we dont have nice things to play with

(, Wed 30 Jul 2014, 0:55, Reply)
but my mum has just lesbo'd with your mum and they're both a bit tired so.....maybe tomorrow?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 23:31, Reply)
I'm glad that prick Spanishfly has fucked off for a while

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 18:47, Reply)
I'm glad he's dead.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 18:51, Reply)
future plane shooting down?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 18:52, Reply)
Is it because he's a fucking idiot?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 18:59, Reply)
That last thread had nothing going for it at all.
This one isn't much better.

Let's all hope for a really good next thread.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 19:05, Reply)
Hopefully he will be going to a place where Ebola is about to go viral.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 19:14, Reply)
poor sods, first ebola and now that fucking idiot is about to show up

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 19:16, Reply)
it's the kids I feel sorry for

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 19:43, Reply)
<s>sorry for</s>

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 19:51, Reply)
I hope he drowns.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 21:26, Reply)
I bet he stuck some peanuts up his bum on the flight

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 22:18, Reply)
poor snoopy

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 22:48, Reply)
I just found out that someone I know is a sex pest.
Loads of people had been saying for years that he was a sex pest, and now it turns out that he is a sex pest.

Imagine if that sort of thing happened on the internet.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 22:53, Reply)
in what way is he a sex pest?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 23:07, Reply)
He routinely cultivated inappropriate relationships
with impressionable young people he had influence over.

Basically, exactly like SpanishFly but marginally less creepy.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 23:49, Reply)
Alright
I am drinking lager in the VIP lounge of Manchester airport. Not really but I am drinking beer at the airport I am not that much of a cunt to use the VIP lounge
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:01, Reply)
bit late for a beer at an airport, you should be on shots by this point, them the rules of airport bars

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:04, Reply)
Why are you at an airport? Are you going somewhere?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:05, Reply)
Thailand

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:13, Reply)

land Rack
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:15, Reply)
Haha

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:19, Reply)
Hahah

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:14, Reply)
yeah because the £17.99 to use the lounge which includes a meal and free drinks is for cunts, you're a fucking idiot

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:19, Reply)
Probably because you're a fucking idiot.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:19, Reply)
You are supposed to be taking the mushrooms now
they'll kick in as you take off, what happened to that much better and more entertaining plan?
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:36, Reply)
My mate once munched a pile of mushrooms en route to a party here
and then topped them off with a couple of pills. He did this while driving a car because he was "running a bit late" and is a fucking idiot. Then he got stuck in traffic. We had to send a taxi to the roundabout where the M1 and A14 meet to pick the dozy cunt up. In retrospect, we should just have left him to wander into traffic.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:39, Reply)
Sorry to hear they wouldn't let you in the VIP lounge, it's pretty nice in there

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:43, Reply)
he was probably put off by the fact they don't allow children in them

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:48, Reply)
These sound like the acts of a stupid fucking idiot

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:54, Reply)
Buy a pint and drink it near the VIP area
Hey Presto! You get to schmooze with the rich and famous without the cost.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 18:08, Reply)
See you guys. Boarding now

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 18:30, Reply)
Fucking idiot

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 23:59, Reply)
Hi honey! I'm home!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:27, Reply)
*drops monocle*

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:28, Reply)
*plays penis keepie uppie with it*

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:29, Reply)
quite the spectacle

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:30, Reply)
*canned laughter*

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:30, Reply)
For a while I was deeply in love with this breadstick
but then it fractured, split, went a bit stale. Now I can't even use it to dip into sauces and extricate the sauces seperately.

I HAVE A SOGGY TIP BREADSTICK.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:32, Reply)
The world is treating you ba-a-a-a-ad, misery!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:53, Reply)
Sorrow seems to be the hardest world.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:01, Reply)
Possibly the ejected diamond core of a gas giant following some sort of planetary collision?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:57, Reply)
Shambo
alright
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:06, Reply)
I don't love your any more,
so I'm taking the kids and moving back in with my mother.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:31, Reply)
Fat chance.
Your mother is running away to Rio with me.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:36, Reply)
alright
Alt: Alright?
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:59, Reply)
alright two hats

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:00, Reply)
alright captain crackerjack

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:05, Reply)
none of your business, nosey parker!
alt: alright
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:06, Reply)
bit racist

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:11, Reply)
typical honky

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:14, Reply)
HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK
HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK
HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK
HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK
HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK
HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK
HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK
HONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONKHONK
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:17, Reply)
goose quest, goose quest. where will it, take me next? HONK

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:20, Reply)
Honk

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:52, Reply)
heeey

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 17:02, Reply)
That's OUR word
cracker
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:26, Reply)
you can't, like, OWN a word, man

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:35, Reply)
^WRONG

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:39, Reply)
you'd own the word 'bumhead'
because you are one!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:45, Reply)
Be that as it may
Think of the royalties!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:46, Reply)
OK, I'm thinking of the royalties
What next?
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:54, Reply)
think of the children

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:56, Reply)
think of a number

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:00, Reply)
80

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:02, Reply)
Now double it

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:03, Reply)
10

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:07, Reply)
I'm still thinking of the children
Those poor, fingered children. Also: dogs
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:07, Reply)
dog fingering children?
a new generation of modlings
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:08, Reply)
Dog-fingering Children Of The Corn

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:09, Reply)
+ 2: The Klumps

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:11, Reply)
Get this: Eddie Murphy plays all the children, the sheriff, the local hooker AND the dog that gets fingered telepathically by fifty kids
I smell an Oscar
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:14, Reply)

static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/2/22/1329952262694/Frank-Carson-007.jpg
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:23, Reply)
yer

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:06, Reply)
yeah yeah yeah sweet sweet

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:14, Reply)
no

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:11, Reply)
Oh no!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:12, Reply)
I could really do a shit right now.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:16, Reply)
Way ahead of you there, buddy

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:27, Reply)
I'm not *three* bad lol

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:15, Reply)
I don't get it

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:15, Reply)
probably because you're a fucking idiot

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:18, Reply)
Haha
You know me, like a dog's back leg...up and down!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:25, Reply)
Beats being...
....half left!!!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:27, Reply)
Oh, heavens!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:32, Reply)
yeah
alt: ha, yes!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:17, Reply)
Swell!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:26, Reply)
bit personal isn't it

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:32, Reply)
Not as personal as something I just thought of

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:36, Reply)
Was it a robotic anus?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:39, Reply)
Nope
You'll never guess it. Not in a million years.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:45, Reply)
is it that picture of you in the bath?
again
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:47, Reply)
I just want to be painted like your french girls :(

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:52, Reply)
you've got to stop sending it to people, you know that

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:11, Reply)
I'm proud of my body, thank you very much
It deserves to be shown
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:14, Reply)
there's a 'hot' 'new' 'app' doing the rounds at the mo called 'french girls'
people submit a selfie then others get the chance to draw it. it's produced some pretty funny stuff: frenchgirlsapp.tumblr.com/
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:20, Reply)
Is it a robotic vagina?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:52, Reply)
It's not robotic

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:53, Reply)
is it a bionic vagina?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:59, Reply)
Domine, labia mea aperies

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:02, Reply)
is it a septic vagina?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:02, Reply)
is it a foetid vagina?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:07, Reply)
...and I'm done

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 16:08, Reply)
yeah, and what?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:42, Reply)
Just asking
You know, being polite and that
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:46, Reply)
oh, ok
thanks babez.x
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:59, Reply)
Lunch thread
Is this still done? I'm having mackerel fillets. Possibly in the garden.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:08, Reply)
a terrible lunch of leftover festival food for me

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:11, Reply)
Tell me more
What does festival food consist of?
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:17, Reply)
pricks

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:21, Reply)
a tin of pear halves, an instant porridge pot, 8 boxes of raisins, and a bag of crushed crisps

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:23, Reply)
That really is terrible
Like someone from a council estate might eat for lunch.

I saw a heavily pregnant woman devour an entire multipack of Toffee Crisps on the train yesterday. When she got off she asked her gentleman friend if they had 'all the kids' with them.

/snobbery
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:33, Reply)
I know its awful, but to be honest, my walnut sized stomach will probably only take a couple of boxes of raisins anyway

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:36, Reply)
you should of said something, in my experience questioning a heavily pregnant womens chocolate intake can lead to a lively discussion

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)
I was a northerner on a train pulling into Reading and already felt like I was on for a beating if I opened my mouth

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:48, Reply)
something cheap from the spar

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:13, Reply)
From their hot counter?
I always think of that as being a breeding ground for the most horrendous types of germs
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:17, Reply)
nah, probably just a ginsters or something

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:21, Reply)
wouldn't do that, my friend bit into a gingsters once and it was full of pubes
he sent it back and they repayed him with a box of gingsters pasties, as if he'd ever eat another one.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:25, Reply)
When you say full of pubes do you mean it had pubes in it or that the filling was entirely pubes like a dirty cushion?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:34, Reply)
I mean approximately a quarter of it was full of pubes
the first bite. I think a disgruntled employee must have thought it was funny to have a trim and shove the offcuts in there.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:37, Reply)
That is fairly funny, as long as it happens to someone else

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)
agreed

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:47, Reply)
Do you reckon they were front pubes or back pubes?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)
front for sure, no winnits or nout

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:03, Reply)
Bonus

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:10, Reply)
Maybe it was meant to be full of pubes
Did he read the packet before he bought it?
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)
may contain traces of nuts

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:48, Reply)
Jolly good show.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)
What, YOUR MUM?
lol
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:43, Reply)
hey, now
was that really necessary?
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:24, Reply)
Depends
Is a chair 'necessary'? Are clothes 'necessary'?
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:30, Reply)
if not for them, I'd be naked on the floor right now

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:32, Reply)
Which would be fine, right? Wouldn't kill you, would it?
BAN CHAIRS AND CLOTHES!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:34, Reply)
i'll get carpet burn :(

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:43, Reply)
ban carpet

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:50, Reply)
ban everything until we're all just floating naked in a vacuum

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:53, Reply)
*votes*

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:06, Reply)
if we ban everything we will have to ban floating and vacuums too, which would leave us with dirty carpets,
but seeing as they're banned too it should be ok, ban everything with the exception of nothing, we can just have nothing.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:07, Reply)
A carpet ban?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:03, Reply)
yes, no pets to be allowed in cars any more, if people can't be bothered to walk them places, they shouldnt own them

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:05, Reply)
Hey manolith, how come rob's personal website is for online reputation consultants? Does he seriously expect people to take reputation advice from a ginger kid-fingerer?
www.b3ta.com/features/faq/#who
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:34, Reply)
how the fuck should i know?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:41, Reply)
You're a mod, you should know stuff like that

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:45, Reply)
what did piers morgan have for breakfast?
you're a cunt, you should know stuff like that
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:05, Reply)
I had a cheap tescos energy drink and a spoon of peanut butter

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:32, Reply)
Are you in training? For a marathon?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:34, Reply)
marathon wank possibly

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:41, Reply)
when do you start your new promising career?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)
Just finishing all the paper work up, hopefully end of this week or beginning or next.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:52, Reply)
how much paperwork is really involved in fluffing though?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:10, Reply)
About three sheets of double-ply first thing in the morning, petering out to half a sheet last thing at night

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:41, Reply)
I'm well hungry, so I've eaten loads

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:41, Reply)
Loads of what? I don't just want quantities, I want details of foodstuffs

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)
3 x egg & cress sandwiches
Loads of strawberries, grapes and blueberries.
1 x Pink Lady apple
1 x packet of salt & shake
1 x toffee crisp
2 x fresh cream doughnut things
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:48, Reply)
Ooh, I've just found a pear

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:51, Reply)
Fucking hell, how can you eat that much? Do you shit like an elephant?
At least you're getting your five a day in amongst all that gluttony
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)
The simple fact is this; people don't know how to eat
I eat properly.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)
And while I don't shit over-frequently
When I do, I make it count, god damn it.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)
That genuinely made me do a lol

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)
You should see me at the all-you-can-eat chinese place
It's quite the spectacle
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:56, Reply)
"No, it's eat as much you like. There's no competitive element implied."
"At 3.99 I think I know who's winning."
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:59, Reply)
hey, let's go to an all you can eat chinese place

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:30, Reply)
Water Margin's lunchtime offer is very competitive

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:31, Reply)
Is that the one in Derby?
I can't imagine there's more than one Chinese restaurant called The Water Margin
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:40, Reply)
It's on the Derby/Portsmouth border

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:41, Reply)
do they do the full range at lunchtime though, that's the question

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:42, Reply)
No, they don't
But there's still plenty to choose from.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:03, Reply)
well they can GET FUCKED then
nah, not really. let's get some chinese
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:04, Reply)
Yay!
You should see little Lou eat in there. Holy shit...it's unreal.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:08, Reply)
wait, are we talking about lou from neighbours or captain lou albano?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:42, Reply)
the latter
Swing your arms from side to side
it's time to go do the Mario!
Take one step, and then you know
Do the Mario, Here we go again!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:46, Reply)
lyrical GOLD

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 15:05, Reply)
*places bread carefully in individual palms*
*stamps heavily on a mixture of crisps, cheese and onions with erratic leg jivery*
*rotates arm catching some pieces of the food kicked up by aforementioned legjivery*

ENVOLVE ENVOLVE ENVOLVE!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:43, Reply)
Now THIS is a lunch

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)
Crisp sandwiches are ok with me.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:48, Reply)
YES!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:04, Reply)
Pastrami sandwich, basics yogurt, pop chips.
As thrilling as ever. I also had a pre-lunch biscuit.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:59, Reply)
Pastrami is definitely something I can get behind

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:01, Reply)
I'm still hungry.
Might buy some peanuts, or something.
Everyone loves a food thread.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:18, Reply)
I love peanuts

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:40, Reply)
I ended up with coated peanuts, which are ok, I suppose.
Slightly regretting not just buying the massive bag of salted ones, though.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:15, Reply)
Caveat emptor
I always regret the coated ones
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:42, Reply)
I'm going to beat up the other kids in my office and steal their money and eat like a king at lunch

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:11, Reply)
What, at a massive table with an ermine cloak around your shoulders, a crown on your head and a sceptre in your hand?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:14, Reply)
why not

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:15, Reply)
sweet

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:16, Reply)


or this?
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:37, Reply)
walkers are doing their annual zany public-suggestion flavours
yesterday i had pulled pork which just tasted like watered-down barbecue sauce
today i had steak fajita, they were alright but not as nice as regular beef crisps, ergo pointless
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:29, Reply)
It's difficult coming up with a genuinely original variety
that isn't just stupid or disgusting. I think all the proper flavours have been done.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:35, Reply)
Agreed
Also crisps should be crisp flavours. If I want pulled pork I'll eat pulled pork.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:39, Reply)
Do you they do something with chorizo?
Chorizo crisps would be alright
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:43, Reply)
Tesco do one but it just tastes of crisps

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:52, Reply)
Crisp flavour
Now why hasn't anyone thought of that?
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:09, Reply)
Some kind of cunt who thinks that 'Restaurant' is a good name for a restaurant will probably invent it

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:47, Reply)
this year's token 'animal' flavour is ranch raccoon

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 13:42, Reply)
Of course it is
Drax and Onion
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:05, Reply)
Cheese & Ronan for me, please.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:23, Reply)
I liked it when they did footballer flavoured crisps, like salt and linekar and cheese and owen and david's semen

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:13, Reply)
Now, one of those isn't real, is it

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 14:17, Reply)
morning
Alt: alright
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 6:50, Reply)
that dirty vet in the Dream Theater shirt lives down the road from me.
fortunately i sold my dog to Rob for fingering.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 7:11, Reply)
Rick Witter lives just up the road from me.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 7:12, Reply)
off of shed 7?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 7:14, Reply)
the very same

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 7:48, Reply)
and by that i mean that the dog was for fingering.
not that fingering was payment for the dog.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 7:15, Reply)
These dogs were made for fingering
and that's just what they'll do!
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)
What's the largest dog that you reckon someone could put one finger in its bumhole and one in its mouth and then touch their fingers together?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:52, Reply)
Are we trying to keep the dog alive, or is it ok if it dies?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:01, Reply)
I don't care, I'm a man of science

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:02, Reply)
Ok, then I'm going with beagle

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:47, Reply)
*makes notes in notebook* Beagle, thanks

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:48, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/5822600
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:21, Reply)
Fortunate for you or the dog?
Either way it's getting its bumhole filled
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Morning dozer
Busy morning for me just before I head off to the airport
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:19, Reply)
Why, are you off somewhere?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:49, Reply)
fucking idiot convention, probably

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:51, Reply)
Probably because he's a fucking idiot?
Alright manolith
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:01, Reply)
alright ccj

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:08, Reply)
wanker

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:23, Reply)
fuck off dozers

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:39, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:34, Reply)
no, just having a shit!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:40, Reply)
haha! like the joke!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:43, Reply)
it's really rather laugh out loud

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:47, Reply)
I once read about a man who rolled on the floor and then actually laughed his own bottom off

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:55, Reply)
that was me

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:57, Reply)
I thought you were a girl?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:58, Reply)
how vaguely ironic

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:04, Reply)
sort of like having lots of a particular utensil, but actually needing a slightly different one

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:15, Reply)
precisely

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:16, Reply)
isn't it

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:23, Reply)
i'm going to make a cup of tea and have a think about it

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:39, Reply)
do you want to borrow a knife?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:48, Reply)
i see what you've done there
/ac
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:09, Reply)
Alright
Alt: morning
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:34, Reply)
The man with the double headwear!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:41, Reply)
Multi-millinery!
*double doffs*
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:44, Reply)
Dovingston D

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:40, Reply)
Drimbo

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:41, Reply)
mornright

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 8:51, Reply)
BUM!
haha, bum
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:49, Reply)

www.crapgraffiti.com/wp-1364185719.jpg
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:57, Reply)
good point

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:09, Reply)
the best ever graffiti is on the Regents Canal:
LUKE DID A POO IS GAY
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:10, Reply)
my favourite will always be
SUK UR OWN MUM
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:17, Reply)
There was one on the climbing frame at Alexandra park that said
"Trisha got fingered in Argos on Saturday 17th July"

I may have got the date wrong, but you get the point
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:48, Reply)
i know a trisha
i'm going to question her about this tonight. it's her birthday.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:51, Reply)
Ask her if she nicked a little blue pen

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:49, Reply)
My two favourites
One from Hilsea train station: "CORNELIUS IS GAY"
The other from the back wall of the greengrocers in Portchester: "QUITE THE GEEZER"
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)
Wasn't there an early QOTW devoted to this?
SOMKE UP THE GANGA sticks in my mind.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:52, Reply)
Chrsit, how on earth do you speel grafitti incorrectly?
If you're writing or typing, I can understand the occasional error...but grafitti? People are stupid. Fact.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:03, Reply)
SPEEL!

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:40, Reply)
oh god
I shan't recover from this
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:48, Reply)
With one f and two t's

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 12:15, Reply)
Is it, though?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:07, Reply)
morning is an abstract concept

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:15, Reply)
Abstraction might be an abstract concept,
but I don't feel qualified to judge.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:17, Reply)
It's a good day for a shit

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:16, Reply)
Listen to your heart scouse

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:21, Reply)
my heart says yes
but my rectum says maybe :(
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:27, Reply)
let it come, don't push too hard

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:31, Reply)
I hope it goes
boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boo
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:31, Reply)
I'll compile a comprehensive audio report later

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:34, Reply)
*comedy racist accent*

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:34, Reply)
Sofia Loren was only pretending to be Italian?

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:48, Reply)
She was a fucking liar, through and through

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:53, Reply)
As we say in my home country,
birdie num num.
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:12, Reply)
^ apathetic Klingon

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 9:24, Reply)
I think I'd be upset if I had to share my morning commute with a dozen herons.

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:24, Reply)
so would your pots and pans

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:33, Reply)
I think it would be worse if I had to share a bus with a few Dale Winton and Gino D'acampo clones

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:40, Reply)

worse
sexy
(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:46, Reply)
+ Louis Spence

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 11:49, Reply)
i would also be upset if you had to do that

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:46, Reply)
Morning dozer

(, Tue 29 Jul 2014, 10:46, Reply)

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