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So I've got a theory about this dog kennel fire
Since the fire, loads of people have given time and money to help, even offered to house some of the dogs.

Now, isn't that what the kennel has been trying to do for years? And if the dogs don't get picked within a certain time they get put down, right?

So I reckon it was an inside job, all designed to get rid of all these fucking dogs. Thoughts?

Alt: What celebrity would you like to fight, and why?
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:02, Reply)
no it was probably Al Qaida

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:06, Reply)
Al QaiLEADa more like

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:09, Reply)
Al-askan Klee Kai-da

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:38, Reply)
Al Huskeyda

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:40, Reply)
Osama bin Labrador

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:10, Reply)
terrierist pawganisation

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:12, Reply)
I reckon a group of terrier-ists did it, lol

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:09, Reply)
Oh hahahaha!
very nice
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:11, Reply)
I'm glad you didn't say Afghan hound
that would've been racist
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:13, Reply)
my thoughts? i think you wish you were a 'guido' with a 'blowout' haircut, that's what i think

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:10, Reply)
Ooh
someone's been watching MTV
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:11, Reply)
i think i saw them on the internet a few years ago, just bringin' it back yo

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:12, Reply)
yeah yeah sweet sweet
word
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:13, Reply)
all bits of shredded rubber and wire?

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:36, Reply)
That's pretty much what my head looks like now, to be fair

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:01, Reply)
alt: 'Russell Kane'
I regularly find myself daydreaming about bursting his eyeballs with my thumbs
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:26, Reply)
He looks a bit like that mulit- award winnnig british playwriter from the other day...

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:30, Reply)
Oh him
I thought you meant Russel Howard. Although to be fair, his eyes make him look like someone's already kicked him pretty hard.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:03, Reply)
also, that alex zane is an annoying prick too...
hmmm, Alex ZANE, Russell KANE. I think we might be onto something
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:05, Reply)
Billy Zane
Lil Wayne
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:06, Reply)
We didn't start the fi-ire

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:07, Reply)
hmmm, maybe wrong though
kurt cobain, John coltrane
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:24, Reply)
Diamond Dogs, Aladdin Sane

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:27, Reply)
Insane/membrane

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:34, Reply)
Alt: does it have to be a fair fight?
'cause I reckon most of them could beat me up
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:32, Reply)
Come on, don't put yourself down
Angela Lansbury? I mean, she comes across as a nice lady, but I think you could get a win out of it.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:04, Reply)
Not risking it after that embarrassing occasion when Joan Hickson grabbed my wrists and did that "why are you hitting yourself" thing

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:18, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:21, Reply)
get fucked.
it was you
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:33, Reply)
I'm sorry, and you are....?

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:04, Reply)
I could probably take the cast of Just A Minute
and probably most of the studio audience
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:47, Reply)
Parsons has something to hide, I'm sure of it

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:06, Reply)
mud wrestling Sarah Harding pls, k thx

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:55, Reply)
Whenever I type the name Sarah into a text message
My phone suggests adding 'Harding' to it, and I have no idea why.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:08, Reply)
when I type 'on the train' my phone suggests 'on the piss'

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:14, Reply)
lol
I once texted my Mum asking want my Dad wanks for christmas. She was nonplussed.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:15, Reply)
was the answer 'all the elves in the cascades santa's grotto'?

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:32, Reply)
Not all of them
Only the white ones
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:33, Reply)
he's a gay racist?
a gaycist?
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:35, Reply)
+ with a midget fetish

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:45, Reply)
now i know where you get it from

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:06, Reply)
MY WIFE'S NOT A MIDGET, SHE'S JUST SHORT

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:06, Reply)
she's a wife midget, a widget?

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:09, Reply)
oh christ, here we go

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:11, Reply)
I had to Google to find out who that is.
Turns out that she split up with her boyfriend, yesterday, so this could be the moment to make your move...
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:23, Reply)
That's what I don't get about all the fuss made over this.
They were only there because nobody wanted them. Don't they put them down anyway?
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:58, Reply)
And who wants them now?
Bloody smoke damaged stock
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:00, Reply)
I'm sure Tescos can do something with them

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:11, Reply)
Smoked mongrel

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:16, Reply)
I'm a lover, not a fighter, Two Hats.

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:18, Reply)
Me too
but I love to fight.

See? LOOPHOLE.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:22, Reply)
If I jumped on you,
would you beat me off?
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:25, Reply)
I sure would
With both hands
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:27, Reply)
and his mouth if necessary

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:46, Reply)
Alt: Stephen Hawking

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:22, Reply)
Nah, he'd wrap you up in logic
Then attack when you're at your most confused
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:25, Reply)
No chance.
It takes him about half an hour to type in a single word in on his amstrad.

I recon I could kick him to death in about 10 minutes.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:30, Reply)
But he's got a black hole or summat
couldn't he just hit you over the head with it sorry I don't really understand how they work
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:32, Reply)
i hear they suck you off

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:34, Reply)
I don't think anybody really does.
But I'm fairly sure you can't hit someone over the head with one.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:35, Reply)
Well we'll let Professor Hawking decide that, won't we

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:47, Reply)
He must have some form of self-defence mechanism hooked up to that chair, surely?

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:48, Reply)
Boxing glove on a spring or summat
And a self-destruct button as a last resort
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:52, Reply)

SIMPSONS DID IT
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:05, Reply)
That's horrible
What's with the photo at the end?
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:07, Reply)
It's so people realise he doesn't really have any dignity in real life.

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:13, Reply)
I doubt it.
He divorced his wife, and married his young, fit nurse. Apparently she was knocking him about and the authorities got involved - but he just said "No officer, I got this black eye whilst out skiing".
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:56, Reply)
piers morgan
because he's a cunt
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:33, Reply)
Remember when B*ldm*nkey tweeted him
That was funny
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:34, Reply)
i'm not sure i do

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:35, Reply)
He tweeted him saying that he hopes he doesn't die in a plane crash
Which Morgan then retweeted. In no time at all a load of people jumped on it. Comments ranged from "sick bastard" to "lol brilliant".
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:46, Reply)
yes actually, i do remember that

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:06, Reply)
you mean it was a setter up?
you think the staff were in on it? who did you hound to be the retriever of that whippet of information, and how d'ya know they pointer you in the right direction. was it Jack? Russel? or even Bernard or Dane? cos they are cocker lying shih Tsu know. besides don't listen to dober men, nobody likes a grass. They're chattin Bull Dawg, I put em all in the same boxer crap.
anyway. chow chow.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:44, Reply)
I used to like you.

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:48, Reply)
lies

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:49, Reply)
Fine. I love you.
I always have, and I always will.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:02, Reply)
#hedidthemunch,hedidthemonstermunch

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:17, Reply)
yes

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:53, Reply)
This is why Britain
isn't great anymore.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 13:58, Reply)
Britain stopped being great when the Americans glued 'any more' together

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:18, Reply)

i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5559617024/hBC81FB2C/
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 14:19, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:29, Reply)
morning babe
You were MAGNIFICENT last night xx
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:36, Reply)
fuck off dozers

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:39, Reply)
alright

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:19, Reply)
fuck off dozers
is now my top "fuck" auto complete
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:00, Reply)
third for me, my top one is 'fuck it, let's all go'
which is from when we all decided to go on holiday with two hats & family
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:19, Reply)
fuck this shit I'm going down the juicer , no 1

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:27, Reply)
as it should be

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:34, Reply)
We really need to arrange that
October half term?
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:46, Reply)
DEAL

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:05, Reply)
Was it you who has a friend who works for Wiggle?

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:07, Reply)
hmm
i don't think so. although i have so many that it's difficult to keep track

why?
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:08, Reply)
Wonder who that was then
They're relocating to Wolverhampton apparently. That company treats its staff like crap, it really does.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:10, Reply)
shit, what a bunch of twats

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:27, Reply)
A friend of mine had a terrible experience working there
Too long and boring to go into here, but I'll force you to listen to it next time you're round
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:29, Reply)
they seemed like nice aussie blokes when me and the kids used to watch them on tv

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:56, Reply)
They should've stuck to that
Until that fateful day when one fo them said "Hey, did you realise that the cycle and cycle accesory industry is worth 200 million a year in the UK alone?"
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:00, Reply)
I'm in

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:42, Reply)

in gay
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:50, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:39, Reply)
arsey

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:42, Reply)
[R E P L Y]

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:42, Reply)
meaty

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:42, Reply)
aight

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:44, Reply)
sup

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:51, Reply)
word up

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:46, Reply)
It's the call word

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:51, Reply)
code

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:03, Reply)
easy for you to type

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:04, Reply)
not with this dobber

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:55, Reply)
yeah... 'morning'

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:47, Reply)
alright "man"olith

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:50, Reply)
i'm more animal than man, it's true

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:44, Reply)
manimalolisp

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:58, Reply)
MODS!

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:52, Reply)
yeah... 'mods'

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:55, Reply)
I can't live a lie anymore, Manolith
I'M THE SECRET MOD
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:25, Reply)
no you're not, shut up
/Mod Edit: BIG FAT HAIRY COCKS LOLOLOL
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:36, Reply)
oh fuck you

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:40, Reply)
*finger guns*

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:44, Reply)
Ozzy

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:19, Reply)
Fuck a horse

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:34, Reply)
greetings and salutations

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:35, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:51, Reply)
Excellent return to form mr h

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:53, Reply)
Go Team All Of GB Apart From Scotland

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:54, Reply)
This is an excellent morning thread.
You should be very proud.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 8:56, Reply)
there should be an official top ten

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:01, Reply)
i do miss the doveston's morning threads occasionally though

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:18, Reply)
The original and best, no doubt,
but mister h is doing a fine job in his stead.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:28, Reply)
'ning

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:12, Reply)
should I mention in my CV my deep brown eyes?

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:34, Reply)
like limpid poos

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:35, Reply)
and my lips?
Like knackered slugs?
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:41, Reply)
off centred in your face like a dropped flan

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:56, Reply)
I'm terribly sad about all of this.

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:26, Reply)
as long as you don't mean you have a jar of eyes that you've plucked from previous interviewers, you should be all good

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:37, Reply)
ah, best not to mention them then.

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:41, Reply)
also mention you were time magazine person of the year 2006

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:38, Reply)
Can you remember the cover?
It was great, I can't believe they managed to photoshop out my 3rd nipple.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:42, Reply)
still would

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:45, Reply)
Absolutely
Also, worth mentioning how many Maltesers you can fit in your mouth
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:48, Reply)
what about other Mediterraneans?

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:01, Reply)
Malta is the only island, as far as I'm concerned

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:08, Reply)

mouth foreskin
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:05, Reply)
and how much of your foreskin you can get in your mouth

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:06, Reply)
Don't be ridiclous
It's Minstrels in your foreskin, Maltesers in your mouth.

Melt in your mouth, not on your bulb!
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:12, Reply)
morning
Edit: Steak for breakfast, YEAH!
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:50, Reply)
^TGGI
I actually had a dream last night that I had a steak. But they over cooked it, so I sent it back. Yes folks, I even lead a life of constant disappointment in my dreams.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 9:57, Reply)
god, that is sad
is your house still slowly filling up with spew?
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:07, Reply)
No, the last 'event' was on Saturday

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:09, Reply)
Go Team Scotland

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:44, Reply)
everyone I've spoken to wants Scotland to fuck off, not much love in the pubs of sarf east lahndahn

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:51, Reply)
the feeling's mutual :)
the English media makes it seem like nobody wants it though, weird
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:51, Reply)
What are your thoughts on the referendum, MGT?
I'm not going to pretend I know enough about the whole situation to make a fully informed opinion, I just hope they don't vote Yes just because they hate the English.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:51, Reply)
well personally,
i relish the opportunity to tear up the most appalling nation ever to disgrace the face of the Earth
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:52, Reply)
Woah
But the Welsh, MGT....the Welsh!
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:54, Reply)
yeah i'll be fully behind them when they decide to tear their bit off, as well

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:55, Reply)
Two weeks after a Yes vote, you'll be back to feuding tribes and painted faces
You mark my words.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:01, Reply)
that's the idea, i think,
that's the kind of thing we like
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:02, Reply)
Do you reckon it'd be enough to make Connery come back?
Be good for tourism I reckon. People could pay to come look at him.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:08, Reply)
dunno,
don't really care, i think he's a bit of a prick tbh
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:27, Reply)
but he's scotch!
You're never going to make this work unless you learn to get along with one another. A house divided against itself and all that
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:29, Reply)
It's like Rod Stewart singing
"Never will I roam because I know my place is home" at the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games.

He's from London and hasn't lived in Scotland for 50 years.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:38, Reply)
Yeah, but Maggie May was good though

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:42, Reply)
I left the UK unilaterally
Mainly because of UKIP. (Not necessarily true)

Incidentally, did you know that faraj is Malay for cunt
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:55, Reply)
no, i did not know that
*writes it down in copy book*
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:56, Reply)
As in it means woman parts as opposed to being an insulting term.

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:02, Reply)
I'm thinking of leaving
My reason is because in the 21st century people still think it's ok to spit on the pavement. Savages.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:59, Reply)
That's as good a reason as any.
Personally I like that I can take a photo like this through my bedroom window in the morning.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:05, Reply)
Oh yeah? Well so can I
Although the vista is completely different. Fewer mountain ranges, more pre-war terraced housing
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:09, Reply)
That's what I had before I moved out here.
Incidentally, those mountains are about 40 miles away from here. It's an uninterrupted view from here to there.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:13, Reply)
Oh
so they're not close then. Hmm.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:16, Reply)
Not really, they're an hour's drive away.
From here you only get to see them as a panoramic view on the horizon.

Driving into this town the view of the Rockies is truly fucking breathtaking. There's mountains as far as the eye can see to the west.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:21, Reply)
An hour??
Forget it, anything more than 15 minutes away isn't worth seeing
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:24, Reply)
There's a big rock about 15 minutes away.
If you like glacial erratics it's the biggest in the world at 16,500 tonnes.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:35, Reply)
Wow, that is a seriously big glacial erratic

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:40, Reply)
i have one in my back garden that's 16,501 tonnes. i just never told anyone

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:51, Reply)
Is that what that was?
I peed on that
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:54, Reply)
i, too, can see a mountain from my bedroom window

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:15, Reply)
Which one?
Last time I saw a real mountain in Scotland was in the Cairngorms.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:23, Reply)
ok more of a big hill really if you're being pedantic,
but it's quite steep. It's the Pentlands, and i can see the Crags too if i go down the road a bit.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:25, Reply)
Jings, crivvens and help ma Boab!

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 10:53, Reply)
can't we all just get along?
:(
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:08, Reply)
Apparently not
Those haggis-munching, skirt-wearing, pizza-frying caber-suckers.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:12, Reply)

youtu.be/W6vDzf-wSbk
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:19, Reply)
This is exactly how I imagine the scotch are feeling right now

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:28, Reply)
what a weird accent that man has,
i wonder if he went to the same school as Scotty out of Star Trek.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:30, Reply)
The really weird thing is that every now and again he sounds like Homer Simpson
Who isn't scottish at all!
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:34, Reply)
not as weird as apu nahasapeemapetilon

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:50, Reply)
anything in the simpsons written after season 16 is shite
there, I said it
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:46, Reply)
you're wrong and you're a grotesquely ugly freak

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:51, Reply)
I know this is a popular view
but I respectfully disagree. I think it's still pretty good.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:55, Reply)
Late morning

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 11:25, Reply)
Afternoon

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 12:01, Reply)
Afternoon

I'm in China. It's a bit shit and smelly here. But not as bad as Scotland.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 6:33, Reply)
don't forget to take a picture out of the hotel window while waiting for your imaginary kids

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:01, Reply)
is there a back story I've missed here?

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:15, Reply)
nah ... a reference to a qftw fantasist

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:29, Reply)
totally on holiday here

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:30, Reply)
I like holidays.
And boobs.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:41, Reply)
I don't get enough of either

(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:43, Reply)
my best ever holiday was when I was 12 and there were boobs everywhere
I'm surprised a didn't rip my cock right off
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 7:51, Reply)
yeah sorry, was watching hull and west ham down the juicer
mongs kept that thread under control though.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:31, Reply)
He is a beautiful man, probably

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:54, Reply)
I'm a proper cracker, what's a male milf called? that's me

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 23:05, Reply)
a dilf?
not personally like, but you've got a cracking jawline and good smile.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 23:12, Reply)
Got ur back

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 23:04, Reply)
appreciated

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 23:11, Reply)
Hull West Ham
Are you fucking mental? A fixture to have all football loving self harming razor blade specialists in fear of.
(, Tue 16 Sep 2014, 0:13, Reply)
alright

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:08, Reply)
Dozer

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:14, Reply)
top trolling

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:17, Reply)
yes/no/maybe

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:21, Reply)
alright

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:28, Reply)
ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW ME MEOW
II saw that, any more of that and there will be less of it you hear?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:06, Reply)
'Suspect fell down two flights of stairs at the station, but still landed on his feet.'

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:07, Reply)
alright

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:43, Reply)
alright

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:48, Reply)
sup tangs

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:55, Reply)
alright mongy, I'm off out in a bit

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:08, Reply)
smash it right up, fucking cunts need shooting

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:11, Reply)
I'll show em eh

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:12, Reply)
fucking stupid cunts ain't got no minerals

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:22, Reply)
yeah mate, top
yourself?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:49, Reply)
alright mofs

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:54, Reply)
alright mongy

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:59, Reply)
bored
might go to the pub
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:51, Reply)
dead in my local

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:53, Reply)
quiet time of year

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:11, Reply)
monday night, and I was late, all the boys chip early

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:15, Reply)
sweet as

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:54, Reply)
innit

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:35, Reply)
Alright princess

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:00, Reply)
he's sweet like chocolate, I'd imagine

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:02, Reply)
disgusting.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:11, Reply)
u can't spell disgusting without u and ting

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:13, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:35, Reply)
'ight

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:05, Reply)
chillsome

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:12, Reply)
HOW DO?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:07, Reply)
alright

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:10, Reply)
golden

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:12, Reply)
solid

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:31, Reply)
cool spuds

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:41, Reply)
I am alright. How are you?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:38, Reply)
I think gers chilled, styling it

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:42, Reply)
Aye, reet tha'

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:53, Reply)
Your sex is on fire

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 20:43, Reply)
Fancy some fiery sex then?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:52, Reply)
Happy Candles!!!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:07, Reply)
Thanks!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 22:52, Reply)
bollocksed

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 21:20, Reply)
dearest b,
Wonderful
M
X
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 21:31, Reply)
my sweetest m
chewing the side of my face off here
always
b
xxx
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 21:47, Reply)
evening
anybody heading to the boozer?

I'm not ... I'm going to have cocoa and watch some shit telly like a fucking grown up or something
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:57, Reply)
yes I am

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:59, Reply)
reliable as ever
I don't know what the booze trade would do without such stalwart supporters
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:02, Reply)
I drink to forget

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:31, Reply)
I don't even remember what I drink for

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:32, Reply)
I've been to work again, I deserve a pint or two, working really is shit

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:36, Reply)
Can you remember if it's working?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:32, Reply)
if what's working? lol

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:34, Reply)
I can't remember

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:43, Reply)
Remember who?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:04, Reply)
I have kendo tonight, and I'm also planning out how to make an online portfolio that looks like it was built by an employable tedious fuck arse of a hipster twat
so I get paid lots to do little.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:00, Reply)
pay gonz to do it
but put your image on the cover

but wear a really shit pork-pie hat and put an ipad in the pocket of your hipster jeans
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:03, Reply)
My experience is just going to be titles of The Smiths B-sides.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:04, Reply)
you'll be sending it out on personalised cassette tapes, presumably

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:06, Reply)
individual fret cut letters from St Winifred's School Choir "There's no-one quite like Grandma" vinyl singles
Obviously darling.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:08, Reply)

2004-2006: Work is a four letter word
2006-2010: Money changes everything
2010-2012: Miserable Lie
2012-present: I Keep Mine Hidden
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:06, Reply)
HIRED!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:09, Reply)
NICE ONE!
*lobs fashion dog into the shredder*
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:11, Reply)
no.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:00, Reply)
srezod ffo kcuf

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:03, Reply)
I have absolutely nothing going on in my life whatsoever

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:01, Reply)
sounds nice

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:03, Reply)
Nope. My liver hates me after last night a it is!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:03, Reply)
me and the missus polished off a bottle of ouzo between us at a post-pub party at the weekend
I thought we were becoming lightweights in our old age but apparently we're still hard as fuck
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:04, Reply)
Oh i knock em back when Im out. it's the day after when it kills.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:23, Reply)
we went out the next night for more booze

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:34, Reply)
Ouzo though? 'kin hell. im blaming sambucca for tdays ails.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:23, Reply)
sambucca is a sugary lady drink for sugar ladies and nancies

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:33, Reply)
if the sequin beret fits.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:35, Reply)
Nah, gonna chuck a rugby ball about in the last of the evening sun

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:04, Reply)
gay as fuck

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:05, Reply)
I know you are

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:23, Reply)
MODS! Bullying!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:38, Reply)
nobody likes a taddletale

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:42, Reply)
you are though

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:49, Reply)
it's exactly this sort of persecution that led to the creation of Israel

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:52, Reply)
nah just gonna eat lasagne and watch telly

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:09, Reply)
I like lasagne

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:10, Reply)
some people have lasagne and chips but that's a bit exotic for me

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:12, Reply)
macaroni pie and chips m8
Meal of kings.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:22, Reply)
with rice and naan bread

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:24, Reply)
i saw a guy in a pub order just rice and chips for his kids while he had a steak or something. it didn't seem right.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:27, Reply)
Yeah but they had the last laugh as he was the only one to come away with nvCJD.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:29, Reply)
whereas they died from malnutrition related illnesses years later \o/

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:32, Reply)
win win

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:38, Reply)
was for me I had rice chips AND steak

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:43, Reply)
I've got tomorrow off
it would be impolite not to get completely shitfaced.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:43, Reply)
true facts

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:46, Reply)
yeah, going to see a band

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 19:45, Reply)
So yeah...I am going to be a dad.
Any advice internet cretins?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:20, Reply)
get a blood test

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:25, Reply)
Ok

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:45, Reply)
cover it in jam and spunk in its eye

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:29, Reply)
There is something wrong with you

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:44, Reply)
Go to France, it's great here. I'm sat in my hotel room sipping red wine and smelling of onions.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:31, Reply)
Is the ménage à trois over?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:37, Reply)
Why the shuddering fuck would I want to go to France
If you are there?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:45, Reply)
Don't rape it.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:32, Reply)
Too soon bro! Too soon
It's not even out yet! Give me chance
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:44, Reply)
Congratulations, I think, that's what's usually said right?
Some bloke at kendo said he's going to be a father soon... she's beyond her due date...

I said "congratulations, that's great isn't it?"

That's my approach to most things.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:46, Reply)
Cheers GMoS
I believe the general etiquette is to say congratulations on these kind of matters.

How was kendo?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:50, Reply)
Pretty good this weekend, thanks, cleared my head out of what could've been a bit of a washout weekend wise.
I've got training tonight with the dojo I run in Manchester tonight, and I'm feeling a tough session coming on... Hopefully we'll have a big group of people.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:53, Reply)
You should post some videos on
/links so we can all laugh at you :)
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:05, Reply)
as soon as it's born change your Facebook pic to a pic of it and drone on about how being a dad has changed your life for the better even though to all your mates you will appear to have become even more fucking dull

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:56, Reply)
From experience meaty?
Thanks for the advice though :)
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:04, Reply)
new parents are tedious, congrats tho

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:09, Reply)
Cheers
And believe me my feelings towards people on social media that shove their new child and their life down your throat are exactly the same feelings you have towards it . I will endeavour not to be one of this breed. Long time to go yet anyway
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:12, Reply)
cool, you'll be too busy to post here

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:57, Reply)
Standard Manolith response.
Cheers I know your heart is in the right place.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:05, Reply)
Erm...congratulations?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:01, Reply)
Yeah it's congratulations
Bit of a shock like...well a big shock really...that's what holidays do for you though aye? AMIRITE???
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 18:06, Reply)
afternoon

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:57, Reply)
yeah alright no need to keep going on about it

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:05, Reply)
sometimes I just can't help myself

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:12, Reply)
well i can't stay around here and chat all day about your problems, soz

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:05, Reply)
#ifyouleavemenowyou'llsnakeawaythebiggestpartofmeat

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:09, Reply)
snakey joke time?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:10, Reply)
I'm not sure anybody here is qualified to make that decision

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:19, Reply)
legally tender 2: pocket change

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:15, Reply)
2 tender 2 be legal

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:16, Reply)
barely legal tender
a classic grot flick
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:17, Reply)
legal me tender

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:34, Reply)
Soz, not into the pre-decimal stuff

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:11, Reply)
hi

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:44, Reply)
alright?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:48, Reply)
yeah, you?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:22, Reply)
yeah

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:11, Reply)
cool

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:14, Reply)
fuck off glozers

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:48, Reply)
^clickin dis

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:51, Reply)
also, cunt off you piss riddled fuck ferret

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:53, Reply)
Alright, Three Eggs.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:56, Reply)
yer not bad ta, I'm on a new fat stripping tone up diet the mrs got from her personal trainer.
trying to get rid of the summer indulgence gut. I'ts pretty decent to be fair. You get 3 meals of chicken or turkey or salmon a day, plus breakfast, and a 10 o'clock snack of 3 eggs :D
also 50g cottage cheese just before bed.
only downside is you have to do cardio and weights in the evening.

hows things with Mr. Tea?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:59, Reply)
I hope those are scotch eggs. Or three gala pies.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:12, Reply)
hard boiled in whiskey

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:17, Reply)
pickled eggs to accompany the statutory eight pints of booze

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:18, Reply)
on sunday you get 45 minutes of ingesting whatever you like.
all my booze must be consumed in that 45 minute window.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:24, Reply)
this sounds like the sort of shitwitted regime that dumb hippy hollywood bints go on
no'ffence like, gwyneth
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:29, Reply)
none taken...I'll let you know if it works

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:12, Reply)
you'll have plenty of time for updates when you're sitting in the bog straining out your fibre-free, high protein comedy "diet"

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:22, Reply)
that sounds like a lot of food

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:17, Reply)
It is, its pretty much all protein.
also, included is a 3 oclock snack of almonds between your lunch chicken, and pre work out chicken. then your supposed to have a protein shake with your post workout chicken, but im not doing that. for a start its way too expensive.
chicken alternates between having green veg and salad accompanying it.
Apparently the diet/exercise plan strips so much fat/builds muscle you can only do it for 4 weeks or you get ill
so in four weeks I'll either be hench, or fat...we'll see
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:23, Reply)
Most of the people I know who have gone on a specific diet
Have said that they've ended up eating more than they normally would.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:24, Reply)
I think it's more about what you eat, rather than how much, and at what times of day etc
for your body to utilise the nutrients/ protein in the best way
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:25, Reply)
Sure
My mother in law is constantly on a diet. She's always miserable, hungry, tired and cold. Yet she insists on losing just a few more ounces. Stupid woman.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:28, Reply)
nah ... it's pseudo-scientific atkins-style gullible housewife bollocks

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:30, Reply)
I wonder why you care

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:34, Reply)
do I?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:41, Reply)
don't they pump chicken full of oestrogen? I look forward to his pms kicking in and him getting tits

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:35, Reply)
If that works for my mrs too then everyones a winner

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:13, Reply)
a disparaging opinion? from dr shambolic?!
heavens to betsy
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:40, Reply)
yes he really is rather swell, isn't he?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:42, Reply)
Shit, that *is* a lot of food.
Three Eggs turns out to be an underestimate of your protein-consuming powers.

I'm alright ta.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:00, Reply)
I've only been on this one a day...
I did the warm up one for the last two weeks, which is pretty similar, but more carbs
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:15, Reply)
yolks and whites, or just whites...?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:05, Reply)
1 with the yolk, the other two just whites.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:14, Reply)
ouzo

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:18, Reply)
You revolting pervert.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:00, Reply)
slurp my aniseed balls

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:03, Reply)
If I can have some fizzy cola bottles afterwards
then it's a deal.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:19, Reply)
It's a date!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 17:46, Reply)
it might as well be

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 16:04, Reply)
Ben Affleck is going to be the best Batman since Val Kilmer.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:15, Reply)
A sabretooth tiger made from a onesie, some bits of dense foam material, steel and pneumatics.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:17, Reply)
that was amazing in several confusing ways

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:46, Reply)
I suppose part of the confusion was my narration?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:49, Reply)
and your marvellous beardy face

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:54, Reply)
it was an excellent way to spend 2 hours.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 15:10, Reply)
Yes

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:25, Reply)
man I love all these marvel films, like Batman and the hulk, and the new Superman stuff, make mine marvel Yer

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:26, Reply)
i don't think there's anyone left that you can provoke with that stuff anymore, m
:(
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:45, Reply)
lol star wars trek

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:47, Reply)
I love stargate trek wars, set phasers to stun captain solo

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:57, Reply)
the v saddest of times :'(

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:59, Reply)
The bank is worth the risk. I need it, brother. We should stay and take it down.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:26, Reply)
Has he still got that shop in Manchester?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:28, Reply)
Yvette Fielding has a tea shop in Manchester.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:47, Reply)
does it have any ghosts?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:17, Reply)
dunno Ive never been

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:23, Reply)
cool

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:31, Reply)
Yer

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:35, Reply)
come to think of it, I've never seen ben affleck and yvette fielding in the same place

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:44, Reply)
My cock is TENDER but it shouldn't be LEGAL
Lol
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:32, Reply)
haha you know what 'legal tender' means!!!!!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:34, Reply)
The answer to most of life's questions is somehow connected to my downstairs area

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:44, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:37, Reply)
Love me tender, twoey.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:47, Reply)
it's only tender because you insist on hitting it with a spiked wooden mallet

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:46, Reply)
pfft, wooden? I moved onto steel a long time ago.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:55, Reply)
I really think he will be good. I liked him as Daredevil.
Clooney was the worst Batman.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:46, Reply)
george clooney was the best one

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:53, Reply)
Holy Bat nipples!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:57, Reply)
he was the bomb in phantoms

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 14:47, Reply)
S-A-F-E F-A-S-T FDA APPROVEN P-E-N-1-S ENLARGEMENT
Make her fear with you awesome of manhood!
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Nice
so a couple of weeks ago when I wrote of that police car, I had to get a bus. I'm not familiar with london, but when I got on the bus I tried to put my money in the money tray, to be told I cannot pay with money. My friend has one of those fancy contactless debit cards, so she used that. but the other 4 of us didn't have one of those, or an oyster thing. My friend tried to pay for us all on her card, but it won't let you use it more than once.

1. Since when can you not by something that costs money, with money?

2. What if you had children and wanted to pay for them?

Whole thing seems retarded to me. But then, I am a bumpkin.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:39, Reply)
Also, I had to walk. which was not cool

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:40, Reply)
do you prefer to get everywhere on one of those scooters?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:23, Reply)
A spaz chariot?
Nah, I'm far too young and healthy for one of those, although if I could pimp one up I'd consider it...was more just annoyed because we we're already running late, what with the police keeping me ages.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:27, Reply)
i meant one of these
i assume this is you
grownmenonscooters.com/static/image0006.jpg
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:31, Reply)
I wish, I've never had that much fun on one of those.
I was concussed by one in my youth, but nope, can't remember any fun involved.

also, I'm slim(ish) build, and quite hairy
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:38, Reply)
ok
so THIS is you
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:47, Reply)
bit racist

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:51, Reply)
yeah London transport seems to have gone all stupid

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:45, Reply)
Have they changed all of them? and since when?
and WHY?!
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:51, Reply)
month or so ago, it is fucking stupid, but it saves tfl a load of money not having any cash anywhere, wankers

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:53, Reply)
I going to guess that it saves time

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:53, Reply)
Apart from when some prick turns up and makes a fuss

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:53, Reply)
oh...you mean me.
I was a little ciderised at the time so in my broadest Dorset accent. hehe
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:05, Reply)
In the ideal world it would shorten that massive frustrating queue of twats looking for change in their bag
or only having 20 notes, when you are sitting there late for something life-or-death IMPORTANT.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:43, Reply)
in Edinburgh they just don't give change,
we had ticket machines at a few bus stops in town for a while but they got rid of them, don't know why.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:47, Reply)
kids travel free

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:52, Reply)
fair nuff

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:03, Reply)
Central London has been no cash for ages
All they did was roll it out London wide.

Ps check your gaz, hun xxxx
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:55, Reply)
thnx babz x

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:06, Reply)
A few years ago I had to get the bus first thing in the morning to the train station
I gave the driver a tenner and he then proceeded to lecture me about how he would have no change now for the rest of the route.
Like proper cunt about it. I said take it up with your supervisor or manager, but no it was my fault and he wouldn't stop wanking
on about for the whole journey. After he dropped me off, he reversed straight into a tree. Karma bitches!
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:17, Reply)
they ruined London buses fifteen years ago or more
when they started publicising routes and timetables properly and putting displays so you knew where you were. It was much better in the olden days when the only people who knew where the fuck the bus was going was the driver and some old dear at the front. And sometimes not even the driver.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:23, Reply)
"oh no dear ... this is the 13b ... you want the 13B ... this one goes to cockfosters via County fucking Durham"

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:25, Reply)
we had buses called 'Hoppers' for a while, I'm sure the route was at the drivers whim as long as it got to the end of the route

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:57, Reply)
KNOW YOUR RIGHTS: REAL MONEY is LEGAL TENDER
You should have stood your ground and called the police. I'm sure they would have taken your side.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:39, Reply)
They were the other side of the street watching their hyundai being loaded onto a recovery truck

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:41, Reply)
you don't understand what 'legal tender' means

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:48, Reply)
Legal tender means they HAVE to accept it under ALL circumstances.
Doesn't matter what it's for and who 'they' are. Come on, this is lawyer school 101 stuff.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:56, Reply)
no it doesn't.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:00, Reply)
Jump in front of a train
you dull scottish prick
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:02, Reply)
do some basic research you know-nothing pederast

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:03, Reply)
You
fucking retard
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:16, Reply)
It's always fun to watch this argument play out.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:23, Reply)
Tell me, o sage
Why your misunderstanding of a term makes me the retard?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:26, Reply)
i had to go back to my old hotmail account to find any decent spam but all i have is this:
أم أطاحت بمذيع قناة شهيرة تورط بفعل الفاحشة بالأطفال ولم تصدق من هو المذيع
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:07, Reply)
you can't post that sort of hatred, MODS1111!!!!111!!!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:10, Reply)
i wonder what it says
but only half-heartedly. not enough to actually run it through google translate
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:19, Reply)
probably porn

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:27, Reply)
i started getting loads after someone on the church mailing list got a computer virus

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:15, Reply)
church?
srsly?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:21, Reply)
yeah apparently it's actually a real thing

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:25, Reply)
it surprises me that you have some kind of connection with it.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:30, Reply)
i don't directly,
you see e-mail is a decentralised system, i actually only connect to the internet and the e-mail comes through that.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:34, Reply)
"some kind of connection"

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:57, Reply)
I mean this is all well and good but it's not dreadful animatronic dinosaurs

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:10, Reply)
the best kind of dinosaurs

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:19, Reply)
yeah

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:14, Reply)
I wouldn't call my manhood "awesome",
but my wife seems to be afraid of it, nonetheless.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:20, Reply)
it's the smell

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:50, Reply)
I thought it was an aphrodisiac.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 13:19, Reply)
just been SPAM emailed this:
Hello,

We regret to inform you that your employment with A&M Defence & Marine Services Ltd is being terminated. Your termination is the result of the following violations of company policy:
- 0A4 44 12.09.2011
- 0A4 46 12.09.2011
- 0A4 85 12.09.2011

You were issued written warnings on 19.08.2014. As stated in your final warning, you needed to take steps to correct your behavior by 15.09.2014. Your failure to do so has resulted in your termination. To appeal this termination, you must return written notification of your intention to appeal to Wynona Kinnare in A&M Defence & Marine Services Ltd no later than 06:00PM on 21.09.2014.
Sincerely,
Pauletta Stephens

Not sure if i should reply or not... I don't remember doing anything wrong...
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:42, Reply)
just clear your desk and get out please

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:43, Reply)
but...
I wasn't even there on the dates in question.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:44, Reply)
That's probably why you've been fired

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:46, Reply)
ah!
well now that makes sense.
*packs things and leaves*
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:47, Reply)
Why do you have leaves?
Pocket mulching?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:56, Reply)
yes?
why don't you?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 10:11, Reply)
yeah yeah tell it to Wynona Kinnare in A&M Defence & Marine Services Ltd no later than 06:00PM on 21.09.2014.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:47, Reply)
i'll put it on a post-it and leave it on the fridge
I'm sure she'll get it.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:48, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:44, Reply)
*waits for manolith to ruin EVERYTHING*

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:44, Reply)
now THAT'S sarcasm.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:45, Reply)
as a mod
I approve of this message
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:46, Reply)
reply: You can take your job and shove it up your dick pipe

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:46, Reply)
your face is a dick pipe!
boom!
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:48, Reply)
you are mum is face are dick pipe

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:49, Reply)
him card read good.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:53, Reply)
all your employment are belong to us

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:57, Reply)
If you've never worked for A&M Defence & Marine Services, then it's almost definitely SPAM
If you do work for them, then it's almost definitely not.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:48, Reply)
makes a change from inheriting $400 million.
again.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:50, Reply)
don't worry I'm an employment lawyer and will sort this out for you.
I'll speak to the HR department on your behalf and it will all be sound. Just don't speak to anyone who works there at the mo.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:49, Reply)
shit...
I mentioned it to kerry on the front desk...
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:53, Reply)
loose lips sink ships
and I've heard her lips are REALLY loose...if you know what I mean.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:56, Reply)
Just spoke to Wynona Kinnare. It doesn't look good mate.
They have grounds for prosecution. You stole from them, placed your balls on your supervisor and shouted "anyone for tea?,"
ran around with a stonk on jousting people in the leg, when asked to clear the workshop down you mimicked a downs syndrome child
and repeated "workshop down" forty times. And lastly, you bullied an employee who you claimed queefed in the chemical toilet
which you stated distracted you from your hourly wank.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:58, Reply)
Gonna need some top lawyer skills to get you out of that one
probably have to step down
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 10:02, Reply)
oh but when everyone was laughing it was fine.
bloody typical this is...
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 10:12, Reply)
according to google, there is only 1 person in america called pauletta stephens
and only 1 linkedin profile.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:55, Reply)
you'll never work in that town again, those are serious breaches of that companies policies probably

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:55, Reply)
i guessed as much.
there goes my 401k, whatever that is...
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:56, Reply)
pension mate, wiped out now.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:58, Reply)
all pensions are fucked now
the only hope is that when the Chinese take over you'll be given one of the less demeaning menial jobs
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 10:32, Reply)
i also get spam.
it is often more entertaining than that.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 10:40, Reply)
it's not a competition...
or is it?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 10:57, Reply)
no,
otherwise i'd post the one about how i don't realise i'm constipated, but apparently i am
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:02, Reply)
well you could be so far constipated
that's it's putting you in denial of said situation?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 11:27, Reply)
I can't stop listening to Genesis

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:18, Reply)
well ... you know what they say ... you can't hurry love

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:19, Reply)
that was solo Phil Collins m8

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:49, Reply)
you sadact

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:51, Reply)

www.philrotica.com
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:56, Reply)
cor!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:58, Reply)
too right

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:03, Reply)
not clicking that, might be uncomfortably arousing. soz

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:18, Reply)
I tipped my desk over

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 10:29, Reply)
Hah, gutted.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:23, Reply)
I won't hurt you, Grrmachine
but it's getting so hard
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:23, Reply)
you should probably sue (-sudio) somebody

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:25, Reply)
You should fast-forward to Exodus, that's when it starts getting really good.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:32, Reply)
Bob Marley lol

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:33, Reply)
That's funny, I can't *start* listening to them

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:33, Reply)
i bet you could
you just need to believe in yourself
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:31, Reply)
frankly i don't know why you bought the audiobook version of the bible in the first place

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:33, Reply)
sqounk

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:41, Reply)
radio Poland, all Genesis all day

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:45, Reply)
psychic tv are shit

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:49, Reply)
I saw them when I was about 15, scared the living shit out of me.
Plus, naked men EVERYWHERE.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:55, Reply)
sounds 2 edgy 4 me m8

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:56, Reply)
3 edgy 5 me

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:18, Reply)
Debbie Harry looks like a rougher GPO.

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:55, Reply)
she could deliver my letters any day LOL

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:59, Reply)
maybe back in the 70s yeah

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:01, Reply)
I don't think she'd have had time to deliver letters in the 70's, Doze
She was in a pretty successful pop group. She would've been too busy with that, I reckon
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:30, Reply)
I think this guy's a bit thick, mate, he clearly hasn't thought this through

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:31, Reply)
RMB wants a cross-dresser's junk shoved in his slot

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:04, Reply)
something about throbbing gristle

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:07, Reply)
Hullo friend
Just replying on your reply, but up here! Man, what a morning, eh?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:28, Reply)
mornings like this don't come around every day, huh

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:30, Reply)
You can say that again

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:31, Reply)
That's actually not the case
If I tried, I'd get 'you just posted that' coming up instead.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:32, Reply)
Interesting

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:35, Reply)
You can't say that again

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:37, Reply)
ok, but you should try to alternate with other stuff

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:51, Reply)
dire straits and ultravox

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:58, Reply)
You have to be careful though
I once listened to Selling England by the Pound and Piper at the Gates of Dawn in the same day, and I chucked a whitey something chronic
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:26, Reply)
these are known to be gateway albums that can lead you onto harder stuff

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:40, Reply)
Don't you have some video tapes to return?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:07, Reply)
:(

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:08, Reply)
Fuck this job
Fuck this job up its pointless arse. If I'm going to do something until I fucking die, I don't want it to be this boring crap.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:29, Reply)
oh no, have you been taking career advice from bumless?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:32, Reply)
No
Do you think I should?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:35, Reply)
depends how you feel about being in a london ambulance i think

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:40, Reply)
he has experience of both leaving a job he disliked and having a pointless arse
I can think of no one on here better qualified to consult
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 9:41, Reply)
morning

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 7:33, Reply)
Morning TH.
Have a smashing day
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 7:43, Reply)
thanks spanishfly
I'll try
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 7:44, Reply)
Don't you let anything get you down
Today of all days
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 7:56, Reply)
alright fucksocks

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:08, Reply)
Alright dozer

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:32, Reply)
a TWO HATS morning thread?!
what is the world coming to?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 7:56, Reply)
I'm as shocked as you are
They said it'd never happen
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 7:59, Reply)
well now i don't know what to believe

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:35, Reply)
alright manolith

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:09, Reply)
alright dozey

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:35, Reply)
alright manolisp

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:16, Reply)
thalutationth, thambleth

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:36, Reply)
Thanks for filling in hun

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 7:59, Reply)
Plezh

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:00, Reply)
How's the lawn?

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:06, Reply)
Overgrown tbh

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:07, Reply)
Too much shit

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:11, Reply)
Prolly

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:16, Reply)
alright Mr H

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:09, Reply)
fuck off dozers

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:10, Reply)
alright two hats

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:08, Reply)
Diaz

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:16, Reply)
I'm leaving that autocorrect as it is, I think

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:17, Reply)
hahaha your username sounds a bit like a rude word!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:16, Reply)
prick

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:17, Reply)
Now THAT sounds like a rude word

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:18, Reply)
wankorbs

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:18, Reply)
Haha well not really, but thanks!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:17, Reply)
you should enunciate better

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:53, Reply)
beh-tuh
Did that help?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:57, Reply)
delightful

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:59, Reply)
morning twoey

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:52, Reply)
Hi guy!

(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 8:59, Reply)

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