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WANK

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:47, Reply)
alright Windy Pig

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:48, Reply)
Wank prawn

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:56, Reply)
prank naww

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:59, Reply)
Don't be silly

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:07, Reply)
sorry :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:25, Reply)
yes quite right, there's a time and a place for silliness
and as you well know that's in that bit right at the front in the last fifteen minutes of the last night of the proms, all the rest of the year is about being very serious and sensible and getting on with the job in hand, which is what the electorate would want us to do, they have indicated this on the many occasions when we've asked them whether they want us to be silly or not, and invariably they've wiggled their feelers and fronded their little legs backwards and forwards in a pleasing rippling motion, and this clearly indicates their wishes are 1) only silliness in the aforementioned time and place 2) please get on with the job in hand 3) a light dressing of sauce would be fine
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:34, Reply)
I think I love you vlad

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:44, Reply)
aww, windy, I think I love you too :-D

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:48, Reply)
oh.
you won't like this thing that i did last weekend then
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqymTzXs_w
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:45, Reply)
au contraire, I DO like that
a little bouncy nyan cat wearing a crisp-shaped mask
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:50, Reply)
Sure, I guess

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:52, Reply)
Prawn wank

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:56, Reply)
Wank prawn?
Are you sure?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:56, Reply)
Pan Wrawnk

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:57, Reply)
District Onan

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:01, Reply)
AAAEVREBAHDEE WANK NOW
DUH! DUH! DUH-DUH DUH!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:02, Reply)
WAAAAAANKKKK IN THE USA!!! WANK IN THE USA

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:07, Reply)
Thanks my boss just walked by and sacked me for looking at porn

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:09, Reply)
serves you right lol

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:10, Reply)
watch out, the boss is about
watch out, the boss is about
you'd better watch out, the boss is about
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:10, Reply)
aaand whoops, fired again

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:11, Reply)

shop.r10s.jp/yama-sui/cabinet/00360391/img55673996.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:37, Reply)
*heart eyes facebook thing*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:51, Reply)
Prawn and pea x20

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:14, Reply)
Lol boss wanker prawn

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:24, Reply)
posh, regular or pokey bum?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:39, Reply)
Prawnkey bum

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:44, Reply)
The name's Bum-bum... Willy Bum-bum.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:53, Reply)
Nah. I'm already half blind.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 23:27, Reply)
PRAWN

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:47, Reply)

www.98fm.com/content/000/images/000129/133431_54_news_hub_123674_656x500.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:13, Reply)
I'd just like to say, that as a big fan of hideous mid-twentieth century food photography, or indeed food photography of hideous mid-twentieth century food, I like these
3.bp.blogspot.com/-zYp3N_sNGOI/UJiMErUzzeI/AAAAAAAADzM/reURFpmNfeg/s1600/003+-+Copy+-+Copy.jpg

pzrservices.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451ccbc69e2013488678132970c-pi

thank you so much for reading, I appreciate it
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:18, Reply)
Holy fuck, loading that second pic is like downloading a blocky bitmap of some tits on a 28.8 kbps modem in 1994.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:32, Reply)
The real question is how an image that small can still be 6MB

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:35, Reply)
Christ, you weren't joking, were you. :-/

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:43, Reply)
If only all browsers supported .tif

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 22:59, Reply)
Tuna ring sounds naughty.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 23:04, Reply)
OK that thread is over I'd say
Lucky you, two in a row from t3h Flebmaster!

What are you food addicts up to tonight? I'm trying a new kofte recipe and drinking wine. Got a new record to listen to: Electric Kingdom by Twilight 22, one of my pissed-up orders from the weekend. I could tell how lashed I was by the sheer volume of order confirmations in my inbox yesterday morning. Fuck it, I'm allowed a treat given my windfall.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:32, Reply)
No one cares, fuck off and shut up

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:33, Reply)

and or
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:47, Reply)
pork curry
and independence day resurgence
and now i'm off home
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:36, Reply)
Pork is well haram m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:41, Reply)
pub time now, watch the footy

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:39, Reply)
ooh
www.hodinkee.com/articles/al-capones-pocket-watch-goes-for-dollar84375-at-auction
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:41, Reply)
now I've bought a three-piece suit, I reckon I need a pocket watch

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:29, Reply)
Yo McBeef, treat yoself
allegro.pl/zegarek-wojskowy-zentra-wehrmacht-iii-rzesza-i6860346735.html
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:32, Reply)
You can pick up loads of supposed ss and Nazi watches , I call bullshit on most

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:34, Reply)
What's that in £

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:01, Reply)
You do , be under dressed without one , get a porn one from the 30s

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:34, Reply)
christ, you're not wrong there
NSFW obvs
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:39, Reply)
They were filth, you can pick them up cheap and make a lovely conversation starter when wearing a waistcoat

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:30, Reply)
Lol, sex conga.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:40, Reply)
I'm thinking meatballs & spaghetti
as it's a bit rainy and drab...
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:43, Reply)
I'm trying this:
allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/20007/lamb-kofta-kebabs.aspx

Normally I use Ramsay's recipe but I thought I'd give this fucker a go as the pic makes me drool
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:46, Reply)
My iskender's worked out really quite well.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:49, Reply)

My isk I'm a massive b
's worked out
quite well.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:50, Reply)
AHEM
My isk I'm a massive b
's worked out really quite w and I sm+
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:53, Reply)
Yes, yes, of course

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:03, Reply)
Frankly I expect this sort of insolence from McBeef, but not you TH, not you.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:14, Reply)
I've led him astray.
I was always being accused of that at school
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:25, Reply)
Pizza and courgetti, m8
Pizza and courgetti
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:48, Reply)
We made pizzas on Sunday and for the first time ever I was fully happy with them
I bought pizza pans from Robert Dyas and that, combined with the introduction of semolina to the dough, seems to have done the trick.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:50, Reply)
Yeah, semolina or coarse meal is really good on a pizza
I just make two rectangle ones on the big baking trays these days.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:51, Reply)
Try putting rice pudding in there instead. I don't know if it's traditional, but it's got to make it nicer what with semolina just being shit rice pudding.
There's been a courgette rattling around in the bottom of my fridge for about a month. I think it got mixed in to my shopping by mistake.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:56, Reply)
hi Gonz

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:58, Reply)
no

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:09, Reply)
I've got Chana Masala for tea tonight.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:49, Reply)
Prawn wank

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:58, Reply)
Clam fist

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:04, Reply)
, baby prawn wank
PRAWN WANK BEBBEH
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:04, Reply)
Cos a prawn wank has a little old face surrounded by tendrils

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:21, Reply)
Phwoar, all those little legs rubbing you

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:05, Reply)
and when things have reached their natural conclusion, you can snap its head off and suck its brains out

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:34, Reply)
tree bark and owl piss

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:08, Reply)
Vegan omelette and suicide

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:20, Reply)
cor! have chips with that

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:21, Reply)
Gonna cook mahself a pizza and kick back to some ultimate breaks and beats, I reckon.
Caffeine-crashed so hard in the office earlier that I almost faceplanted into the keyboard, so naturally I'm having more caffeine tonight.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:34, Reply)
I avoid caffeine after lunchtime, my sleep's bad enough at the best of times

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:36, Reply)
I did that yesterday.
But instead of having caffiene at home I had a 'nap' which evolved into a proper kip, and me getting out of bed to get some toast at about 11pm and 4am.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:37, Reply)
Ack, that's happened to me in the past as well.
It was alright when I was a freelancer and I could crawl out of bed at five to nine and still be at work on time.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:43, Reply)
Band practice / 420 and chilli
Just bought some new vape juices for THE SICKEST RIPS
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:45, Reply)
yesssssss

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:53, Reply)
I'm having square rice pudding and courgette pizzas, thanks for asking

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:32, Reply)
no-one's invited me anywhere so I'll just sit staring at the wall for another evening

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:40, Reply)
do you want to head round for square rice pudding and courgette pizzas, no need for formal dinner dress

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:48, Reply)
Do you mind if I pick the courgette off?
It's alright in a leczo but not on a pizza.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:52, Reply)
go right ahead I won't judge you

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:55, Reply)
I'm sure you will a little bit though

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:57, Reply)
maaaaybe

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:00, Reply)
This Weird Old Expat Was Invited Over For Dinner. You Won't Believe What He Did To The Pizza!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:09, Reply)
can't...resist....must...click....

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:45, Reply)
Scouts AGM.
Rock'n'roll, muthafukkas!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:50, Reply)
oh yeah, I've got to sort out some music for my father in law
Beatles, Stones, Led Zep and a load of other guff I'd have thought a bloke in his 60s would be sick of by now.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 18:58, Reply)
You've clearly not met my dad.
He listens to Led Zep on a more-than-regular basis.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:23, Reply)
It was probably forbidden prior to about 1989.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 19:41, Reply)
Would you rather be reincarnated as one of them fish that nibbles on peoples feet in beauty parlors or one of them fish that swims up uretha?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 20:39, Reply)
aw heck, do I have to choose? can't I be both?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 21:09, Reply)
Enough of that bollocks
Herro flebster's, Richard here. Since I broke a bit off my tooth on the weekend fooOOOod keeps getting stuck in it and it's really fucking pissing me off.

Is anything really fucking pissing you off? If so, what?

BONUS Q: where's your favourite holiday destination and what kind of break do you like? My sister and her husband went to Egypt and saw literally zero historical stuff, they just stayed in their resort, the peasants.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:02, Reply)
selling shit on ebay

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:09, Reply)
doesn't sound much like a holiday to me m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:11, Reply)
He normally uses Etsy

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
Netzi, more like.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:47, Reply)
Teste, even more like

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:00, Reply)
I'd love to go back to Rome and Venice, obviously
and I'd like to see more of Iceland.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:11, Reply)
balls and penice MORE LIKE

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:19, Reply)
he fucking loves them

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:24, Reply)
See Nipples and die, m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:25, Reply)
weirdest doctor who episode ever

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:48, Reply)
James Bond film innit?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:12, Reply)
This one:
nighthawknews.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/domino-basinger.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:18, Reply)
not keen on the man with the golden gun
moonraker and live and let die i'll watch over and over
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:19, Reply)
oh come on, Herve Villechaise alone is fucking amazing
Christopher Lee as well? I say again OH COME ON
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:23, Reply)
The book is pretty crappy, though.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:26, Reply)
they all are tbh
Little more than luxury brand name-dropping exercises in parts. No wonder they translated so well into films, they're product placement wet dreams
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:28, Reply)
dunno, most of the brands were things people could afford and live that james bond lifestyle, booze fags even watches, maybe his love of bentlys might of been a stretch for some

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:35, Reply)
Not sure how many people were in the market for a '59 Dom Perignon either tbh

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
But the books were of that era , how much was that in 59? Flemming was just setting a scene which was much needed after 50s austerity, people liked reading about good things

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:41, Reply)
yeah I get that, the escapism and glamour were badly needed at that point

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:43, Reply)
cheaper then than now obv, but it's a grand a pop these days

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)
a rolex sub was around 100 quid maybe a bit less , monthly salary around 60, so affordable to some,now it's £2000 a month but a sub will sat you back 6500, quiet the difference , soz i can only do maths in watches lols

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:52, Reply)
#ripoffbritain

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:54, Reply)
and if you want to buy that 100 quid watch now
www.chrono24.com/rolex/vintage-submariner-big-crown-james-bond-ref-6538-submariner-solo-gilt-dial-stainless-steel-bj-1958--id5619168.htm
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:55, Reply)
wow
Does the Bond connection make them more expensive?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:58, Reply)
nah not really, just rare and much sought after watches

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:02, Reply)
i know, i know
but i just can't get into that one
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
jaws 5: this time it's hayling
www.portsmouth.co.uk/our-region/hayling-island/great-white-shark-spotted-off-hayling-expert-claims-1-8027484
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:52, Reply)
Yeah, I saw that
bloody immigrants
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
+ men, hallelujah!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:10, Reply)
every summer it's the same
there's no reason for one not to be here, but i don't think there's ever been a confirmed sighting
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:20, Reply)
best quiz eva
www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/15374171.Dartford_set_to_be_first_Kent_town_with_a_Taco_Bell____so_try_our_Taco_or_Bell_quiz_to_get_you_in_the_mood/
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:11, Reply)
christ almighty

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:13, Reply)
But are you in the mood for a taco bell?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:22, Reply)
defo

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:23, Reply)
Ye gods.
Even more guesswork than the BBC's News of the Week.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:14, Reply)
1 :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:22, Reply)
Somebody doesn't know their bellends

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:23, Reply)
You think I'd be a fucking expert, the amount of time I spend on here

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:34, Reply)
wut

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:26, Reply)
Amazing

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:29, Reply)
did rob make this quiz?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:57, Reply)
Doubt it.
He's far too busy telling people not to tell him what they do with their raspberry pi's and tweeting about what happens to socks if you walk on bleached floors.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:00, Reply)
Camping in the Norwegian fjords still counts as the best one so far
Wife and I want to do Finland next. My in-laws live half an hour from the Lithuanian border, so we can prolly drive to Helsinki (incl. ferry) in a day, then head up to the northern lakes from there for a week of complete isolation from all humanity.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
My house is about to fill up with in-laws, and I'll be relegated to the pullout bed in the playroom for a week.
BONUS A: my distaste for travel is well documented. Any "break" longer than a couple of days feels like too long.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:13, Reply)
Have you considered taking refuge in a hotel?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:25, Reply)
I have, yes,
but I think it'd be bad form to abandon my wife to look after the kids (and dogs). Particularly as the visits have been promoted by a funeral, so any expression of dissent is going to mark me out as a prize cunt.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:29, Reply)
gutted.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:34, Reply)
you could claim to be so grief-stricken that you can't cope with being around people

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:38, Reply)
I'll do what I always do:
quietly get on with things as if nothing were the matter.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
whatever works

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:48, Reply)
fenals beach
rooftop jacuzzi and bar and no kids allowed. utter bliss.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:17, Reply)
ANAL BLEACH, more like

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:23, Reply)
none of that nonsense here, m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:28, Reply)
What ring tone would you like?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:48, Reply)
None of that jamba rubbish.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:49, Reply)
Crazy Frog remix

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:52, Reply)
The Buffoon

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:57, Reply)
just changed it to thunderstruck, so i'm good

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:09, Reply)
possibly my favourite of all their records
The start of the Donington DVD is breathtaking
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:24, Reply)
fun riff to play, too
then you can really show off, and play it one-handed
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:27, Reply)
I can't :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:28, Reply)
It's not that hard
I believe in you, m8
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
i started listening to them years back
after watching maximum overdrive, which they did the soundtrack for. that's probably why who made who is pretty much my favourite of their songs
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:31, Reply)
The hearing in my right ear was permanently damaged by 'For Those About To Rock' at Wembley Arena
Specifically, a cannon going off directly above my head.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
My brother has had tinnitus ever since we went to see Loop at the West Indian Club in Southampton in the 80s

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:36, Reply)
that is the coolest way to go deaf. ever.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
I remember when Back in Black came out
I lived in Cheltenham at the time - my brother's year at school went mental for it, so, being 7, I copied him.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
^never gone back

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:35, Reply)
i was more into Queen back then
Bohemian Rhapsody is the first song i can ever remember hearing as a child.
apart from my mother singing Stand By Your Man
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)
My dad taught us all about 50s rock'n'roll, surf rock and the Shadows into the Stones and Hendrix, reggae and so on
Pretty cool for a public schoolmaster/chaplain really.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:46, Reply)
my mum liked bent shit like Simon & Garfunkel and Joan Baez :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:47, Reply)
my dad doesn't listen to music
and mum's an ex country singer, so we had to put up with lots of patsy cline and johnny cash. didn't mind marty robbins so much, though
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:49, Reply)
I like bluegrass and yer Hank Williams and so on, but most commercial country is so sentimental and twee it turns my stomach

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:57, Reply)
i was always meant to be part rocker, part metalhead

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:01, Reply)
Bohemian Rhapsody is like well good and everything.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:04, Reply)
it's been played so much, it's only ironically cool now

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:07, Reply)
Hwrro flebbo.
Nothing is particularly pissing me off at the minute sorry.

I like a city break on the whole. Especially in Italy. Where there is enough interesting and fun stuff going on, bit of night life and some decent grub. I also rather like Prague. I do not enjoy lying on beaches a great deal, but do like a walk along the coast and a dip if it's warm enough and there aren't too many people looking at how fat I am.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:27, Reply)
kayaking in North Carolina with Ben Elton

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:33, Reply)
dog penises through the ages with Chris Packham, you mean

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:34, Reply)
chris takes his work with him
it's never a holiday when he's around
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:36, Reply)
he's a driven man

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
I've had too much coffee today and now I'm tired.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:33, Reply)
If this tiny piece of chicken doesn't work its way out from between my teeth soon I am going to smash them all out

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:35, Reply)
Go get a tooth brush or some floss of something

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:36, Reply)
nah, easier to smash all my teeth out

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
I had a bit of apple skin get stuck so firmly once that I had to go to the dentist.
Right pain in the arse, that was.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:39, Reply)
Strikey G fore

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:43, Reply)
headbutt a table really hard
that will dislodge it
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:41, Reply)
don't you carry floss with you?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:43, Reply)
no

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
i can't stand things sticking in my teeth
so i always have floss
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:10, Reply)
Unless I get dental work to sort my tooth out, it looks like I will need to start carrying it

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:26, Reply)
i had a weird hook at the base of one tooth
and food would always get stuck there. once i got it crowned, no more problem!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
Basically one of the points on the top of my molars has sheared off leaving a kind of sharp V
It doesn't hurt but it's annoying me and I am concerned it could lead to rot.

What especially upsetting for me is that aged 43 I've never had a filling so this feels like the start of me getting older and shit breaking
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:32, Reply)
you can get stuff from the chemist to fix it
but it only lasts about 6 weeks. getting it ground down or capped may be your best option. i clench my teeth in my sleep, so i'm slowly destroying mine. i've got 6 crowns so far and 5 teeth missing
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:47, Reply)
fuck

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:48, Reply)
luckily i've got a slight overbite
so my beautifully straight and sharp front teeth are all present and correct
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:53, Reply)

i had a weird hook at the base of one tooth + I was once really constipated, my colon was all bunged up

i got
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:32, Reply)
silly person.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:39, Reply)
Send a fox in to get the chicken

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:44, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:59, Reply)
Do it.
Get a nice set of falsies.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:48, Reply)
LEEROYYY JENNNNKIIIIINNNNNSSSS

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:53, Reply)
My arse, three poos so far today and it feels like there is another in the chamber :(
And Acadia National Park, at the tippy top of Maine. Lovely place.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
I had a good few yesterday.
They were like a timeline of my weekend, two red wine shits sandwiched between pringles.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:03, Reply)
Are you shitting into Pringles boxes
again?

Once you pop, you can't stop - I know...
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:14, Reply)
+ l

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:18, Reply)
What a fucking cunt
pbs.twimg.com/media/DDVWbwBWAAU4nuv.jpg:large
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:24, Reply)
What's "BU" supposed to signify?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:27, Reply)
Belgian Unicorn

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
Belgian Unicorn
EDIT: Oh sorry, Boyce already said.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:30, Reply)
I would guess at probably around 50

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:28, Reply)
When you 'guess' you make a 'gu' out of 'ess'
there
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:31, Reply)
oh I wouldn't want people to think I had done that
I retract my foolish estimate
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:33, Reply)
I made a gu come out of my pen-ess

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:48, Reply)
don't let her grind you down

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:31, Reply)
Well we can't all afford Harvesters, can we :(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:59, Reply)
I try and invert the genders of this sort of stuff to see if it would be socially acceptable
but I'm trying to imagine a Dad expressing the petty triumph of another discovering another father buys his kid junk food.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
If she was so keen to buy more of these dolls,
why did it take her weeks of fruitless shopping before she thought of picking up one of the dolls and looking for the label?
If this story isn't made up, then she's so spectacularly thick, she'll probably forget to breathe.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:25, Reply)
One word, m8: Mumsnet

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:28, Reply)
The very existence of mumsnet makes me very cross.
Why women feel the need to out themselves as being just as thick as men, mystifies me.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 16:31, Reply)
i like a good demoparty

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 17:33, Reply)
Today,
I've come to work wearing a black ribbed jersey with epaulettes, a white shirt, black trousers and boots. In other words, I look exactly like a prison officer. Still, it's more glamorous than the time I wore a shirt to Toys 'R' Us and a woman thought I worked there, because I was wearing a shirt, obviously.

Ever been mistaken for a member of another profession because of what you were wearing?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:25, Reply)
When I used to go to the pub straight after working in a certain bookies that rhymes with "madfucks" people sometimes asked if I was a postman.
Which would be a bit odd, given I usually clocked off at around 21:30.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
Ah, you'd be one of them 'night postman' fellers, woudn't you now?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:29, Reply)
There was a post sorting office just off Tottenham Court Road in that there London
You'd frequently find the sorters in pubs round there on a weeknight drinking from 9ish before their night shift started.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:33, Reply)
My mate was a postie in the summer when he was a student.
He ostensibly did it to save some cash before going back to uni, but never managed it as he typically ended up on post-work pub crawls before crawling into bed half-cut at 7pm.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
I'm convinced posties and binmen go on midday pub crawls together.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:39, Reply)
I saw a lady binman the other day. World's gone mad.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
*shrivels defensively into gentleman's club armchair*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
there's a lady binman round our way
at least, she's a lady now
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:07, Reply)
Did you make a woman of her?
Is this some "Confessions..." style sexual hijinks?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:11, Reply)
god, no
she decided she wanted to be a woman for her own reasons. haven't seen her around for a while, though. she was knocking on a bit, she may have retired
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:13, Reply)
Did she get her former unmentionables caught in the lorry's lifting mechanism?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:11, Reply)
not that i know of

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:13, Reply)
My wife thought I was a GP when we first met
As I was wearing a smart shirt with a nice wool jumper over the top and a blazer. After a few minutes of talking, that thought she had was quickly destroyed.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:29, Reply)
More people should wear stethoscopes on dates, I've decided.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:30, Reply)
Sounds gay M8
Especially them shoulder appendages.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:30, Reply)
I'll tell my ex-girlfriend she bought me a gay jumper then, shall I?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:33, Reply)
i'm sure she knew what she was doing

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
I thought about that for a moment,
and wondered if it might have been a coded message to tell me she liked it up the arse. But she didn't, so it can't have been that.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
Don't get snippy cos your bird dresses you, M9

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:07, Reply)
I've accepted the fact that I have no concept of fashion or colour-matching.
I choose clothes based on the following criteria: they must be comfortable and not too expensive.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:09, Reply)
^this
but with added clean and not creased
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:14, Reply)
^wears them trousers they advertise in the back of the daily mail.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:17, Reply)
I don't read the Daily Mail so I don't know what you're on about.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:19, Reply)
Same. But I can shop at Asos or another online retailer myself!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:51, Reply)
no

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:31, Reply)
You're one of those people who call premium numbers for opinion polls so you can say "I don't know."

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:32, Reply)
"Whats the vanilla options of this?"
"Neither agree nor disagree"
"That. I'm that"
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
No I'm not.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
I wore my dad's tactical police suit for a fancy dress party once
Nearly got bottled on the way home because some drunk chavs decided to 'fuck the po-po', as urban yoot would say.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:32, Reply)
Blimey.
I spent a couple of years as a teenager travelling internationally wearing army surplus, until my dad pointed out that it might make me a little bit of a target.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
Impersonating a police officer is a crime.
I'd have thought your dad would have known better.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:35, Reply)
I didn't have the velcro patches with POLICE on them
and that's what matters. It's the act of identifying yourself as a policeman when you're not one.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:37, Reply)
"but have fun at the party son, and clean the ASP when you get home".

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:38, Reply)
I spent many an evening, "cleaning the asp", iykwim.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:39, Reply)
Alright, Cleopatra.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
:)

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)

:) comin' at'cha
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:47, Reply)
Got more straw than a cottage roof thatcher

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 14:51, Reply)
When I worked at BhS,
I'd often get mistaken for a staff member in the branch of Boots, next door.
Pretty wild, huh?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
Did you used to skive off by hiding in boots or something?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:36, Reply)
Shopping on my lunch break.
This is one of the more exciting anecdotes to have graced this website, I'm sure you'll agree.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:38, Reply)
I used to have a pint and play arrows when I worked in the bookies.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
Lunchtime booze has always made me sleepy.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:42, Reply)
Well it's good that 'sleeping in the back office' wasn't entirely frowned upon.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:53, Reply)
how did you cope?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:37, Reply)
Killed myself.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:39, Reply)
To be fair,
they both begin with a 'B'.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:37, Reply)
Exactly the same, but Clintons rather than BhS
An old woman (in Boots) called me rude because I said I didn't know where a paticular product was.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:39, Reply)
you could have helped her look

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
I would have if she hadn't been rude to me

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
no wonder the service industry is in decline in this country standards wise with unhelpful people like you, the customer is always right, you rude man

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:46, Reply)
the high street's dead

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:47, Reply)
in your heart

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:47, Reply)
the customer is always right, m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:47, Reply)
If you walk around a hospital, wearing a shirt, and with an NHS ID badge,
there's a reasonable chance of being mistaken for a doctor.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
I'm not entirely convinced I didn't end up being seen by a janitor last time I booked a doctors appointment.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:41, Reply)
Testing your prostate with a broom handle is standard practice.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:45, Reply)
It's a shame I don't have an NHS ID badge knocking around at home.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
I've got a spare.
Probably illegal for me to sell it to you, though.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
What's a liddle bit of crime between friends, though, eh lads eh eh eh lads eh eh?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:49, Reply)
for tangles, the stupid hippy
www.drmartens.com/uk/c/vegan
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
"Felix rub off"

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:48, Reply)
I haven't worn docs since I was a teenager
can I still get away with it at my age?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:53, Reply)
I think the tie dye sandals would suit you

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:54, Reply)
UN Secretary-General

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:45, Reply)
yeah I get mistaken for the pope like all the time

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:49, Reply)
Back when I taught English, I worked in both a financial IT firm and a few of the bank HQs in the city.
One financial trader came to the IT firm for software training, then saw me in his bank a month later schmoozing with the CEO. He put two and two together and decided I was a top level salesman or account manager of some sort, to have the private ear of the boss of the bank two mornings a week. He revealed this when he caught me cleaning the bank's coffee machine one day, and asked why "someone of my importance" was doing such a menial job.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:52, Reply)
Did you say you were taking part in one of these programs
where the CEO pretends to be an underling in order to find out what his actual underlings think about the company?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:55, Reply)
See, I think your problem here is that you've confused 'teaching english' with being a 'vending machine technician'.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:55, Reply)
it was barely Teaching English
for the journalists it was "let's rewrite your story from scratch"
for the IT guys it was "let me proofread this documentation for you"
for the marketing guys it was "yeah, try not to use that word in the future"
for everyone else, it was psychoanalysis, therapy and bullshitting over coffee.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:58, Reply)
I think the biggest flaw in any documentation I do is that it's invariably done weeks later when I've forgotten what I did but my boss is nagging me for it (after making me do something else that has been deemed more important).
And have just wanked it out without any real care for whether it makes sense or is usable.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:02, Reply)
people like you are why I have a job

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:07, Reply)
It makes sense to farm the documentation off to others so us techies can get on with making things work properly, yes.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:18, Reply)
don't kid yourself
I also do testing.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:30, Reply)
Up your bollocks mate, does what the spec said it should do.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:38, Reply)
i've been mistaken for Jo Brand
when wearing black leggings, a black t-shirt, sunglasses and half of the previous night's makeup
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:56, Reply)
You know what they say:
If you look like Jo Brand, you're too ill to travel.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:57, Reply)
i was just very hungover

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:03, Reply)
I walked by her once and my mate said 'fucking he'll Robert Smiths let himself go' I pissed myself

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:08, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:15, Reply)
lolz

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:53, Reply)
lol. Sadly Shelly Duvall looks a bit like her these days, and is seemingly mental.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:57, Reply)
the singer Jessie J

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:58, Reply)
phwoar

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:05, Reply)
My bathroom scales are wrong
I know this because other scales contradict them and even my tightest clothes fit comfortably.

What are you seriously considering throwing out of a window?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:25, Reply)
oh honey x

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:30, Reply)
Honey? OHHHHHH HONEY.
HoooooNEY
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:34, Reply)
+ G

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:42, Reply)
Theresa May

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:34, Reply)

i.imgur.com/Wd7pa.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:35, Reply)
is the green one supposed to look like it's crying?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:43, Reply)
Conscription's a bitch.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:45, Reply)
Linton Kwesi Johnson's long-lost first draftzzzzzzz

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:25, Reply)
war is hell

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
'HOPEFUL' - this machine shreds money, it can get through several million quid in an afternoon.
Angry Scot: 'AHM OOT!'
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:39, Reply)
i dunno, a paper aeroplane or something

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:42, Reply)
Bogies.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:44, Reply)
'Ultimate Breaks and Beats: Instrumentals'
I wish I'd read the reviews before excitedly ordering it. I thought it was studio re-edits of tracks from the original LP series but it seems they're cover versions performed by a live band. I have no use for this and have chucked 20 quid at what amounts to little more than a fucking tribute act.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:44, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:45, Reply)
no m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
You need to make sure that record is prominently displayed in your collection,
where it can serve as a warning: caveat emptor!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:59, Reply)
No I don't.
I'll just stick in the rubbish crate along with the other weird shit like my ex girlfriend's drum and bass records.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:07, Reply)
wait, as in your ex had a collection of DnB records or they actually released some?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:09, Reply)
the former (this isn't my kid's mum btw)
She also had shit like Donna Summer - and I've various records by my mates' bands which are 'not for me'. I should chuck them all out really
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:11, Reply)
poor windy

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:17, Reply)
Have you ever heard Tangles' LP?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
yeah, course
i listen to it every day
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:37, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:03, Reply)
I actually like it, which is rather disappointing from a bullying standpoint

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:19, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
save them in case of zombie attack

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:12, Reply)
^

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:47, Reply)
NO. M8.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:51, Reply)
Lol

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:54, Reply)
it's not funny m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:06, Reply)
lol u dun fucked up

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:55, Reply)
I did

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)
g'wan, chuck it out
i bet it'll fly a long way
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:01, Reply)
Wang it up on discogs.
Some wally will buy it.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:01, Reply)
lol wang

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:04, Reply)
more trouble than it's worth, going to the post office and so on
I'm just writing it off as a misfire
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:13, Reply)
Was it on the Pickwick label?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:16, Reply)
Nah, TEG
www.discogs.com/Ultimate-Breaks-Beats-Instrumentals/release/1567396
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:25, Reply)
You'd have been better off with Geoff Love

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:14, Reply)

Geoff self
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:22, Reply)
ha

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
a DVD on cat fannies through the ages, presented by Ben Fogle

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:46, Reply)
he's dreamy

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:58, Reply)
The story of him getting spiked with acid and trying to jump out of a window is one my all time favourites.
However the no.1 position will always be the John Savident police call transcripts. Never fails to lift the spirits.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:09, Reply)
I so wish I was there to see Fogle off his nut

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)
I'd pay top dollar for video footage

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:14, Reply)
That's the most radical way to out yourself I've ever heard of.
Also: ""I suddenly felt somebody come up behind me and whizz me round so I was face down on the bed and then I felt a prick on my throat", phrasinglolz.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:18, Reply)
It's hysterical from start to finish

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:26, Reply)
Everything

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:54, Reply)
myself

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:57, Reply)
i'll catch u hun

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:02, Reply)
x x x

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/8090057
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:59, Reply)
haha, imagine it sticking to the living room window of the house across the street
and then flopping down like one of those window flinger things
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:19, Reply)
ugh
then once it hits and the ground and gets covered in fluff, it's completely useless.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:26, Reply)
well, MORE useless

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:33, Reply)
It's served its purpose
It deserves to be released into the wild
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:39, Reply)
a clock, to see if time flies...oh hahahaha, but seriously time is an abstract concept so this isn't really a joke

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:00, Reply)
shut up MGT

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:01, Reply)
time flies like an arrow
fruit flies like a banana

there
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:02, Reply)
This is excellent

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:16, Reply)

excellent a very very old joke
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:20, Reply)
You may also be interested by
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
You may also be interested by
"There are 10 different types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't"
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:25, Reply)
You may also be interested by
My penus and helmit
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:25, Reply)
Now there's a joke if ever I saw one.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:28, Reply)

you'll need this
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:32, Reply)
Your image-fu is busted, sahib.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:11, Reply)
Nothing
Yet. What is wrong with a bit of podge eh?
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:02, Reply)
Many things

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:10, Reply)
name 6

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:20, Reply)
Teve

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:26, Reply)
I mean actually giving the number 6 the name 'Teve'

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:27, Reply)
because then when you looked up the number in a dictionary, it would say
See: six, Teve
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:28, Reply)
fucking hell, ma8e

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:38, Reply)
I no rite

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:42, Reply)
kill yourself, m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:00, Reply)
but I'm killing it here m8

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:07, Reply)
2 irritating people
A breadmaker, a broken cabinet, a pile of old cds and a toilet shaped ashtray
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:04, Reply)
how did the ashtray offend you to the point of defenestration?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:10, Reply)
it's a stupid shape
you either burn your fingers trying to put your fag out, or they get jammed in the sodding thing
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 13:04, Reply)
ebay

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:55, Reply)
anything steam punk

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:55, Reply)
The Chaos Engine is one of the greatest video games of all time.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:58, Reply)
Didn't that have a Bomb The Bass soundtrack?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:04, Reply)
That was Xenon-2, another Bitmap Brothers classic.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
Speedball 2 ate up an awful lot of my teenage years.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:31, Reply)
I liked their work with Justin Warfield

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:24, Reply)
people

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:56, Reply)
people who 'shhh' me

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:56, Reply)
people who eat breakfast at work

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 11:56, Reply)
radical Islam

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:01, Reply)
gnarly!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:02, Reply)
Famine
winds me right up
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:02, Reply)
the magic beans that my idiot son swapped for our cow

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:05, Reply)
comedy musicians

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:18, Reply)
I'm being serious you fucking bully

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:39, Reply)
I'd like to be the first to with you a morning in return
MORNING!
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:44, Reply)
with you were here

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:49, Reply)
when you with upon a star

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:50, Reply)
I with I was a little bit taller

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:50, Reply)
sorry, I'll stop taking the pith now

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:50, Reply)
Thankth

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:06, Reply)
Morning.
Went to a bike show last night. Bikers are pricks mate.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:55, Reply)
I've got less and less time for enthusiasts of any kind
it's just back-slapping and ostracism, no matter what.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:02, Reply)
Yeah, i had a bit of a chat with a few people,
There were maybe 100 classic bikes, and then a few thousand mixes of choppers and sports bikes. Loads of wankers in leather having a dick measuring contest. Couldn't get near a beer tent. I had a look at a few bits and just decided I was better off just going for a ride.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:10, Reply)
An event like that needs a steam engine
in the corner just to mellow things out a bit. Every hour or so they need to do a wood-sawing demonstration and then the whole event will be much more fun.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:17, Reply)
The reason that I met Mrs Hats centered around my biker mate being a knob
hth x
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Anyone who wears a cutoff leather vest is a wanker.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:50, Reply)
:((((

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:50, Reply)
It's all the "bikers are my family" "live fast, die young" bullshit I can't get

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:08, Reply)
Nothing says Cool Dude like shutting a dual carriageway for four hours while the police try and collect as much of you as possible

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:13, Reply)
"All they found was a scrap of skin, tattooed with a pair of flaming dice"

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:20, Reply)
Die young and leave a raspberry jam streak down the road

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:38, Reply)
*books tattoo appointment*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:39, Reply)
Is that, like, really gay dice?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:53, Reply)

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/86/ad/09/86ad0914e655e71128c95b7a9dbeae7c.jpg
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:26, Reply)
Ah, my friend wasn't that sort of biker
but a pillock, nonetheless
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:53, Reply)
"Hello girls, who'd like to feel something big and hot throbbing between their legs?"
that sort of thing. I married the one girl who rolled her eyes and said "oh, for fucks sake"
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:54, Reply)
Ha, yeah there was a lot of blokes waddling around in racing Leathers.
I don't see how you can go fast enough on the roads these days to need a super sport. Track days are a good shout, but imagine hitting a pothole with a knee down on a country road. Instant death.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:04, Reply)
Mighty Morphing Power Rangers!!!!
I used my leather biker trousers ONCE on a track day, apart from that they've been used exclusively for kinky purposes.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:37, Reply)
I saw a bloke in full one piece racing suit, waddling about because of all the armour.
Gets on a cb250.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:40, Reply)
D'awww!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 15:00, Reply)
true

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:31, Reply)
morning
It's raining
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:57, Reply)
highs of 25 here, I'm already sweaty

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:03, Reply)
Mornholes.
Ha, remember that one? 'Mornholes'? Yeah, anyway.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:03, Reply)
holes are well funny
get it? well? like a hole? hahahah
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:14, Reply)
What,
like this sort of hole?.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:19, Reply)
I expecting a pic of courtney love's clunge tbh

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:28, Reply)
While a picture like that certainly has merit,
I'm not sure I'd describe it as funny.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:31, Reply)
I bet it smells funny

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
Pictures don't usually smell of anything much m8.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:14, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3896642/Student-artist-uses-MENSTRUAL-BLOOD-recreate-ancient-female-cave-paintings.html
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:22, Reply)
It's almost refreshing to see the Daily Heil cover something so artistically empowering.
I'm surprised they didn't title the article "UNEMPLOYED WOMAN USES OWN BLOOD TO MOCK TERRORIST VICTIMS".
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:37, Reply)
force fed crap and you fucking lap it up

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:13, Reply)
^dyslexic fish enthusiast

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:15, Reply)
Sup

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:26, Reply)
war's fucked, what's the point

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:29, Reply)
Another tough one, I'm fucked now my th is upgraded, losing 600k a raid

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:33, Reply)
you upgraded two hats?

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:25, Reply)
Not sure I have anything to add to this thread.

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:39, Reply)
you can still participate, we're a team

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:44, Reply)
never stops anyone else!

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:25, Reply)
alright gmc

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 8:57, Reply)
I'd love a massive 80s blocky yank van
something with a stupid 7 litre engine
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:03, Reply)

ROOBY ROOBY ROOOOOO
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:09, Reply)
Many of them have rouched leather
really eye-poppingly bad. It never ceases to amaze me what the yanks think constitutes luxury.
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:39, Reply)
velour
velour everywhere
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 9:41, Reply)
Rip harry borer

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:10, Reply)
yeah... "morning"

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:18, Reply)
*canned applause*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:20, Reply)
*exaggerated eye roll*

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:26, Reply)
fine, be like that

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:23, Reply)
there's a new thread now anyway
looking like ANOTHER contender for 'worst thread of 2017'
(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 10:26, Reply)
alright

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 22:29, Reply)
alright MGT

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 22:56, Reply)
Evenin'

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 22:58, Reply)
FFS

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:06, Reply)
alright mgt :)

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:06, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:08, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:10, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:15, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:15, Reply)
alright mgt

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 23:33, Reply)
Morning

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:23, Reply)
alright smt

(, Tue 27 Jun 2017, 7:33, Reply)
In the spirit of PMQs.
What the FUCK do you want?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:26, Reply)
Is that "Portsmouth Massive's Questions"?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
It can be.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
i'd prefer not to be called that, thank you

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
Two pints of lager
and a packet of crisps.
Please.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
nothing

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
I want to go home please JMG

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
^
i keep nodding off
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:39, Reply)
I had such a good weekend that I am rather miserable today
The contrast is painful
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)
I tried to have a power nap on the shitter earlier.
It did not work.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:11, Reply)
Try having a power shit instead, HTH.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:18, Reply)
a DVD on dog penises through the ages, presented by Chris Packham

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:39, Reply)

r w
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 20:53, Reply)
The Willy Wild Show

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 22:39, Reply)
woah, bold AND italic?
that's one fancy fuck
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
hi manolith

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:41, Reply)
hi richard mcbeef off the internet

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:44, Reply)
I took part in - and won - my first raid today
It was alright.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:49, Reply)
i did too!
got a weezing, which i didn't have already. lol, wee
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:00, Reply)
disgusting

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:02, Reply)
I got a Bayleef which I also didn't have
Plus yesterday I finally evolved my Tyranitar having walked the cunt from 40 candy to 100. I am about 20 candy away from my 7th Gyarados now: when trading is introduced I am hoping those will become of use to me.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:04, Reply)
i've seen a couple of raids against tyranitars
but there's not been enough people around to make it worth a shot.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:07, Reply)
Mine today was against an Arcanine, it was only 4000 CP

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:09, Reply)
I don't understand how you get coins now , I took a gym and got 6 or saink

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:06, Reply)
You accrue them on an hourly basis whilst you're in a gym
If you get kicked out in less than an hour you get nothing - otherwise when you do get kicked out you get the coins then
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:07, Reply)
i see, they never explain anything these crazy japs

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:08, Reply)
the new update is a boon to gps spoofers like you, you dirty cheater
once you've taken a gym, you can just be there feeding berries to your pokemon any time someone attacks it
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:11, Reply)
i'll have you know my local is a gym so i can sit in the pub and feed berries

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:25, Reply)
Aparently Niantic are working on an anti spoofing feature
Where Pokemon caught using third party software will be marked with an X, act erratically in combat, and other things to fuck up players using them. How they'll implement it is beyond me though
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:57, Reply)
Worse than hitler

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:32, Reply)
I know, its stupid because anything they try will be broken in minutes
Causing an arms race between the devs and the community. See also DRM, exactly the same mess there
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 20:00, Reply)
It's another game that lost most of its players within a month , now just let people use it as they want

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 20:17, Reply)
they've revised that to a coin every 10 minutes because one an hour was fucking shit

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:08, Reply)
ah OK

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:10, Reply)
up to a maximum of 50 coins, i believe

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:12, Reply)
Just tell me where I jizz so I can give this lady her drink.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:44, Reply)
...not that he's ever had one?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:21, Reply)
Here's to your bold italics, Frank

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:10, Reply)
to zig-a-zig-ahh

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
to break free
*hoovers*
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)
oh, you've broken free for sure

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:43, Reply)
you know it pal

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:50, Reply)
to rock right now, I'm Rob Base and I came to get down

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:43, Reply)
<s> rob</s> in home

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:45, Reply)

down a 5L tub of magnolia satinwood emulsion and two spare rollers
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:48, Reply)
they don't write lyrics like that anymore, do they?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:01, Reply)
Kids today, they don't know anything

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:05, Reply)

magnolia satinwood emulsion supercharged flaming puke
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:05, Reply)
^ not really known on the global scene

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:47, Reply)
wasn't his real name ginyard or something?
poor bastard
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:02, Reply)
Crazy Legs from Rock Steady's real name is Richard Colon lol

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:06, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:07, Reply)
Should that be hyphenated?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:22, Reply)
'colon-lol'

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:24, Reply)
th-at?
no ma8, looks weird
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:40, Reply)
what a wan-ker

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:41, Reply)
Oh, you are a one, manolith!

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:44, Reply)
Patatas bravas

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:04, Reply)
Oh man
whenever I make them at home, they always turn out shit and bland
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:14, Reply)
You fuck up fried cubes of potato with two sauces over the top?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:15, Reply)
my favourite tapas is chorizo in port, just so you know

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:16, Reply)
cheers

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:19, Reply)
*updates the 'How to woo McBeef' file*

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:20, Reply)

w p +like
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:48, Reply)
Sunday Times Bestseller, m8

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:52, Reply)
I had heard that you love a good sausaging.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:22, Reply)
All I really want, is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:47, Reply)
With one enormous chair.
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?!
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:13, Reply)
People will say you can't eat books; films; plays; poems;sculptures; records and exhibitions. But if you don't you starve in a different way.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:33, Reply)
I'm glad you haven't died.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 17:48, Reply)
When did I almost?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:46, Reply)
WP had you in his sights, decided against pulling the trigger at the last second
Now he's on the run from an assassin sent by his boss to finish the job
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:55, Reply)
John Woo will probably chuck a dove or twelve in there for good measure

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:56, Reply)
Bridget Fonda got nothing on me.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:57, Reply)
How about Superman?
Or Green Lantern?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 19:05, Reply)
Lies.
On the internet.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 18:57, Reply)
Hi there, spazze's.
If you've just joined us, it's early afternoon on /talk and the question we'll be addressing in our phone-in discussion shortly is "things you've seen through people's windows, or maybe you've been seen." To tide us over until then, here's Ed Sheeran and his grindcore cover of "I'm A Little Gingerbread Man."
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:31, Reply)
play I See Fire
or fuck off
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:40, Reply)
Sounds like a brand of muscle rub.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:40, Reply)
Purple Aki's I See Fire

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:31, Reply)

play I See Die in a
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:41, Reply)
the only truly dreadful hobbit-related song was may it be

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:44, Reply)
Yeah, I don't really like Paul McCartney.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:53, Reply)
me neither
gerbil-faced cunt that he is
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:04, Reply)

I See Through The
+ and the Flames
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:44, Reply)
I won't have that fret wanking grooveless nonsense on my radio station

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:18, Reply)
>the plot to the film Body Double<

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:40, Reply)

Body Debbie
ubl
+s Dallas
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:43, Reply)
I left my car window open yesterday for 5 hours
On a fairly busy side street to a large public hospital. No-one nicked anything (and they could have had the car PC or the 500 quid childseat or just robbed it for parts). And then my neighbour knocked on my door and told me I'd left the window open and I didn't even know she knew what car I had and she said "you're the only Englishman in the block and that's the only Jaguar in the street, it just made sense". So it seems I've been stereotyped.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:40, Reply)
#mogadonmonday

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:41, Reply)
Best of all the Godzilla monsters.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:46, Reply)
I'm listening to the latest King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard album
and it includes not just an Altered Beast, but also the Soy-Protein Munt Machine and Han-Tyumi the Confused Cyborg, whose sole aim in life is to vomit.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:52, Reply)
That's not a bad showing.
Wise fwom your gwave!
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:57, Reply)
the whole universe gets drowned in vomit at the end of the album

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:58, Reply)
It's like something out of Patrick Süskind.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:00, Reply)
I've only read Perfume
Did he have a chunder fixation too?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:01, Reply)
No, but it sounds like the sort of grand guignol plot device he might include.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:04, Reply)
I thought that book was superb

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:11, Reply)
Well, you were right, because it was.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:13, Reply)
m8, this song has it all
genius.com/King-gizzard-and-the-lizard-wizard-murder-of-the-universe-lyrics
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:31, Reply)
lol those are quite some lyrics

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:42, Reply)
I am supercharged flaming puke m8
this song speaks to me
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
I left the keys dangling out the drivers door on my astra.
Someone handed them back to me.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:33, Reply)

the keys my arse
handed them back to bummed
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 16:06, Reply)
My wife left the car unlocked,
and some scrote nicked the stereo.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:37, Reply)
>the plot to the film Rear Window<

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:43, Reply)
This Rear Window timelapse video
Is brilliant
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:29, Reply)
Chris Akabusi fucking whores doggystyle

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:53, Reply)
#infest

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:58, Reply)
Hi Ragnarok
Longtime listener, first time caller. I've been seen a lot through my window, as I work in a car park booth.

Love the show Steve.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:27, Reply)
Thanks for calling, Steve.
I bet you've seen a few tickets punched in your time, haha. Here's a little something that should be up your street: Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car".
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:32, Reply)
my dad died in a fast car you insensitive prick

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:35, Reply)
My dad died inside Tracy Chapman you insensitive prick

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:41, Reply)
Love the show Steve

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 14:41, Reply)
Has Geordiejay posted today?
One dead and four critical after taking potent form of MDMA

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jun/26/one-dead-and-four-critical-after-taking-potent-form-of-mdma
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:08, Reply)
zoinks

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 15:13, Reply)
second incident with a knife in one week
man stabbed his girlfriend across the street last night.
what bellwhiffs and their antics make you hate where you live?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:04, Reply)
Some cunts have been dropping their cigarette butts in ever-increasing number outside my house.
Someone left a full bag of rubbish on the pavement last week, and I found a biscuit wrapper in my garden.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:07, Reply)
there's been a christmas bauble stuck in a tree in my garden since last november
i can't get the damn thing out. still, it looks pretty and attracts wildlife
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:11, Reply)
Oh yeah, I'd rather have a Christmas bauble than a load of ole rubbish.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:15, Reply)
the pissheads that invade the garden every sunny day are surprisingly tidy
they always clear away their empty bottles, cans and stolen parasols
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:20, Reply)
Someone put the wrong bins out on Friday and the bags are just still there on the streets.
It's awful.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:11, Reply)
but you get letters from the council telling you when the different bins go out!
don't these people read?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)
Probably renters. Whole place has gone to shit now people are renting òut.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:15, Reply)
i bet they don't even recycle, the cunts

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:21, Reply)
I think they do,
It's more that they're poor and don't care about the area as they're saving up to buy a wimpy homes plot off plan somewhere in a field near a window.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
if they can't be bothered to look after where they live
it won't matter where they move to, they'll shit that up, too
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:28, Reply)
I'm not sure that's true.
A lot of people see renting as just something they have to do while saving, and as it's not their forever home they don't go to the full lengths to look after it and integrate than they would when they've bought their own place. People have pride in their own property and normally care little for others.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:32, Reply)
must just be the arseholes that i know, then

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:34, Reply)
Probably

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:36, Reply)
òh nò

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:25, Reply)
there's a few roads on my walk to work where they don't have wheelie bins so people just leave bin bags on the street
so most bin days, there's just rubbish strewn everywhere because the foxes rip the shit out of them
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
Are you sure it's foxes and not the rabid local Portsmouth population?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:31, Reply)
i'm not sure of that, no

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:00, Reply)
it's alright
Apart from all the Pakistanis, Irish, blacks, Jews, poles, Romanians, English, Indians, etc.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:20, Reply)
people, in other words

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:21, Reply)
why didn't Poles get a capital letter, you fucking prick?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:42, Reply)
The dancers would catch their feet in the big loop

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
Take it up with Sony

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:09, Reply)
They capitalised themselves

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:09, Reply)

www.google.co.uk/search?q=shoreditch+hipsters&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwisyoTjpNvUAhVSaVAKHQzhBgEQ_AUICigB&biw=881&bih=906
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:20, Reply)
you have my sympathy

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
They're a harmless bunch really

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:11, Reply)
There's some dedicated moustachery going on there.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
which one is you?
i'm guessing third row, first pic
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:24, Reply)

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ac/b6/17/acb617e2453fb6ade910b43b78bde1bd.jpg
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:44, Reply)
They are ALL me m8

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:10, Reply)
see you at the cereal bar m8

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:44, Reply)
on my way!

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:10, Reply)
Tailored jacket, made-to-measure waistcoat
and two pairs of trousers for 200quid.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:21, Reply)
that's a good deal

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
and the tailor was a woman
she touched my sausage while measuring my inside leg.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:23, Reply)
Did she ask you to which side you dressed?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:26, Reply)
she didn't need to m8
IYKWIM
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:41, Reply)
Why, because it's so short that you dress in the middle?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:47, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8088775
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:48, Reply)
i bet she did, the perv

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:27, Reply)
Must have been a very long knife to reach across the street.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:43, Reply)
very

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:48, Reply)

?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:02, Reply)
The kid with the flag doesn't look to happy.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:06, Reply)
There's a car with a smashed windscreen, parked across from my house.
I can't work out if one of my neighbours has upset someone, or if the local joy-riders are just considerate with their parking.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:11, Reply)
knife chat sounds like it would have promise
but this thread seems to have floundered.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:12, Reply)
Knife chat had no chance against bin chat.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:17, Reply)
I'm still tipping out 40s for brb :(

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:19, Reply)
I feel partially responsible for unwittingly threadjacking knife chat with bin chat.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
Stay about from our bin chat!
Haha, like we used to say on /talk!
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)
Haha! Oh man, those were the days.
/talk, eh? Pizza ovens for goalposts.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:25, Reply)
my bin is red with podka dots on:)

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
potka

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:29, Reply)
polka

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
poka? I barely noah!

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:38, Reply)
nothing compares to bin chat

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
Sinead O'Connorzzzzz...

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:22, Reply)
Ive got the best nosy neighbour.
We call her Mrs Madrigal. Not a clue what her name is.
She's always friendly and chatty.

Anyway, she saw some youths hanging round our wall when we were out. She got photos of them and relayed the info to the relevant school (she says one kicked a door and they had been smoking weed down the back cut).
The school apparently played hell with them and their parents brought them back to the street to apologise... No fucks given.

They were Asian too, so you know they got a clip round the ear.

OH BLADDY HELL
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:37, Reply)
and nobody complained that she was photographing minors without their consent?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
Not when they're kicking our door in.
They also put a brick through a pregnant womans window, so they can get fucked.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:54, Reply)
This is in Didsbury Village too... It's unheard of!
I will write to the local parish
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:55, Reply)
in that case, throw the book at the little fuckers

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:58, Reply)
You have weird courtship rituals round there

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:01, Reply)
Haha, yeah, Asian parents always hit their kids!

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:57, Reply)
I can't keep my eyes open.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 12:58, Reply)
Alright, me.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:00, Reply)
I have a job for you

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:00, Reply)
Frankie Valli's lesszzzzz

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:03, Reply)
i can't close mine

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:18, Reply)
^ Alex DeLarge

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:20, Reply)
pfff!
not quite
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:24, Reply)
Alright, Dim.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:28, Reply)
never liked his smile
there was something unsettling about it
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 13:30, Reply)
Let's talk about suits, baby
They come in two piece or three
Let's talk about wool mixes and silk linings and trouser pleats
Let's talk about suits.

I'm buying a new suit today. I have no clue what I'm doing.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:14, Reply)
Off the peg from Marks & Sparks.
Job done.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:16, Reply)
I'm going to a proper tailoring place this time
I want a proper three piece.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:17, Reply)
Good for you.
I like wearing suits, but don't have much occasion to wear one, and so can't really justify getting one tailor made.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:19, Reply)
I despise wearing suits
Too hot every single time, and the top button of every shirt rubs against my adam's apple something chronic, especially once you ram a tie knot up there.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:43, Reply)
Collarless shirt and a bolo tie

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:14, Reply)
buy a shirt that fits

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:42, Reply)

want am
three ring
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:42, Reply)
Always get 2 pairs of trousers

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:18, Reply)
That's good advice
I lost the trousers for my last suit, and only discovered this an hour before I was supposed to go to a wedding.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:20, Reply)
Trousers wear out quicker than jackets

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:22, Reply)
do you always slide around the dancefloor on your knees at weddings?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:43, Reply)
Did you spark an incident by wearing chinos?
Or whatever the details were in that QOTW story about wearing the wrong trousers to a christening.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:22, Reply)
fortunately not
my beefcake brother in law used to be my size, so I was able to borrow one of his old suits. It was a bit shabby, but better than doing a Clarkson.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:25, Reply)
I like birthday suits
As long as they're not wrinkled
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:21, Reply)
Alright, Buffalo Bill

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:23, Reply)
pff

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 11:00, Reply)
buy a fedora

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:21, Reply)
I've got a Polish hunter's hat that looks a bit fedorish, will that do?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:28, Reply)
I watched Thelma and Louise for the first time last night.
It's an alright film innit?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:24, Reply)
this is a suit thread m8

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:27, Reply)
Get one in pastel blue or orange.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:28, Reply)
I'll see if they sell stuffed emus for use as puppets too

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:33, Reply)
Is it for a particular occasion?
It's been a while since I had regular reason to wear a suit. Part of me misses it.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:25, Reply)
two weddings and an imminent funeral in the next two months
and hopefully job interviews by the end of the year.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:28, Reply)
Charcoal grey should do fine for all of them.
How much does a bespoke suit set one back in your neck of the woods?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:33, Reply)
A proper tailor making one from scratch starts at 2000PLN, which is about 450 quid
This place does tailoring on site starting at 200 quid, so I'll see what 300 quid gets me.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:37, Reply)
Blimey, that's decent.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:46, Reply)
If it's a close family member charcoal grey is a no from me

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:42, Reply)
I think I'll struggle to care what people wear to my funeral.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:47, Reply)
it's not about you it's about etiquette

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:52, Reply)
If my funeral isn't about me, I'll be having a serious word with the organiser.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:54, Reply)
all this celebration of life stuff is a load of shit, it's a funeral, it's time to mourn and be sad

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:01, Reply)
^ never seen Live and Let Die

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:02, Reply)
i went to one where the eulogy was like a best mans speech, absolutely disgraceful

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:06, Reply)
canary yellow?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:55, Reply)
I'm currently reading a novel in which a character has just made an appearance in an International Klein Blue suit.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:00, Reply)
last wedding I went to
90% of the men's suits were that sort of violent blue. Looked like a load of peacocks.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:09, Reply)

cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/galleries/x701/94811.jpg
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:44, Reply)
those trousers look a bit short

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:56, Reply)
No

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:45, Reply)
yeah but you're working class scum
50 quid special from Burtons is all you'll ever need
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:57, Reply)
I got a nice linen suit for the summer, and a wool suit for the winter.
Both tailored. Flares. Double breasted. Huge lapels. Shirt with ruffles.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:14, Reply)
I was expecting to spend £4-500 on a suit for my wedding
Very happy to find the perfect suit in the Moss Bros sale for £100 - my cufflinks cost more than that.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:54, Reply)
my brother gave me silver monogrammed cufflinks when I was his best man
I've never owned a shirt that requires them.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:56, Reply)
Mine are Alexander McQueen ones - they were £250 full price iirc
Not that I paid that for them obv
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:02, Reply)
<s>
www.weddingcufflinkcompany.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/lightning_mcqueen-silver.jpg
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:07, Reply)
oh dear

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:43, Reply)
I wore frock coat and cravat to my wedding.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:58, Reply)
I tell you what, I'm never buying this brand of surprise-ometer again.
Load of rubbish
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:00, Reply)
your kid might like this, and you, you j pop yiffer
hyperjapan.co.uk/
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:21, Reply)
^ weeabooing intensifies

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:31, Reply)
haha, we saw a poster for that yesterday and she started squealing about going

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:47, Reply)
Yeah my daughter wants to go , ffs

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:49, Reply)
I have a strong feeling it will be excruciating

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:54, Reply)
christ

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:52, Reply)
What a fucking Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen wanker eh

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:57, Reply)

c + g
link
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:19, Reply)
I got mine tailor made from an Indian man working out of a posh hotel in Birmingham
That was in 2004 so I'm not sure if the cut is still fashionable
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:41, Reply)

1.bp.blogspot.com/-jlySMSl4pB0/Ue98zSlpSDI/AAAAAAAAAy8/AyjS-Sn7ajE/s1600/7.jpg
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:51, Reply)
Hello, friend

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:52, Reply)
yespliz

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:55, Reply)
You're right it is a timeless look

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 10:58, Reply)
morning

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:08, Reply)
Hiya!

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:14, Reply)
an ebullient start to the week's posts

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:16, Reply)
Morning /talk, yeah?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:20, Reply)
dunno m8, you'll have to ask them

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:22, Reply)
K I'll gaz them

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:33, Reply)
good thinking, pro-active approach, I like it.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:35, Reply)
Uh-huh.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:40, Reply)
That's the way etc.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:45, Reply)
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, now.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:54, Reply)
I made your nan say 'ow' m8

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:57, Reply)
Yo bum guff the show

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:57, Reply)
are you having a seizure?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:07, Reply)
no m8, u?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:31, Reply)
might do later

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:37, Reply)
nice
A bit of one of my teeth broke off on the weekend. Bit odd.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:47, Reply)
cut back on your rave drugs m8
giant.gfycat.com/ScrawnyDefinitiveDodo.gif
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:51, Reply)
Good to see Duncan Goodhew's still keeping physically active.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:56, Reply)
How do, vindaloo?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:07, Reply)
couldn't be grander, chicken pasanda

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:24, Reply)
A+

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:32, Reply)
Yes.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:26, Reply)
+it's the Rebel MC, ruff like a ninja, sting like a bee

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:31, Reply)
^ yes-man

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:37, Reply)
can't believe I missed Ed Sheeran (or Sheeza to his mates) at Glasto
gutted
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:36, Reply)
has he done anything of note?
I fell asleep trying to listen to the used dishwater that counts as his music
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:38, Reply)
he's dreamy

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:46, Reply)

m r

He's Tears for Drears. He's KC and the Sunshine Bland.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:49, Reply)
I saw a bit of the build up to his set, on TV (radio 1 DJs trying to fill time).
Am I mistaken, or does he play a child's guitar?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:57, Reply)
I've just google-imaged and it does look that way, doesn't it?
Maybe he has really tiny hands.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:02, Reply)
I've always blamed my lack of musical ability on my stubby fingers.
Wish I'd thought of that.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:04, Reply)
Anyone born before, say, 1995, has no business listening to Ed Sheeran.

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:52, Reply)
Monday?
bumday more like...
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:40, Reply)
typical gay propaganda

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:48, Reply)
You gay yet?

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:59, Reply)
no m8

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:02, Reply)
Then it's not propoganda
it's just attention-seeking nonsense.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:08, Reply)
Correct

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:41, Reply)
I don't need you to validate me

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 8:48, Reply)
I do actually need some advice
want to get a cheap laptop for the other half. Doesn't need to be high spec or light as it will just be browsing & MS office, but will last a couple of years. Would a refurbished Dell or Thinkbook off ebay do d'ya recon?
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:04, Reply)
Set yourself a budget first, then get whatever you can with the best screen size and battery life
But with laptops, I'm of the opinion that a new budget brand is better than a refurbed 'premium' one, especially since the used ones are usually ex-corporate units that will have lived a very hard life.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:12, Reply)
The problem I have with new budget models
is they are so full of bloatware they just jam to a standstill after a while. At least a hefty Dell will come without that shite.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:49, Reply)
yes

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:13, Reply)
You can get some good deals on refurbs, yeah
Much as I'm loath to recommend PC World, it can be worth a look, in case they have anything on sale.
(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 9:14, Reply)
pre-morning

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 1:02, Reply)
Not any more

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 6:16, Reply)
Prawning

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:02, Reply)
#hulen

(, Mon 26 Jun 2017, 7:21, Reply)
had to explain to my mental relative
that Liverpool Pride is not a parade of people proud of being from liverpool
what have you had to explain to morons lately?
(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 14:45, Reply)
*tumbleweeds*

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
Had an argument with an idiot at work the other day who believed you could freeze people and they'd be alive once you thawed them out
Because you can start their heart. Never mind the fact they're brain dead, according to this idiot a muscle contracting and relaxing is more a signal of life than a functioning brain
(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 15:51, Reply)
freezing people is the easy part
however, the freezing process causes ice crystals to form in the cells, puncturing and destroying the cell walls and membranes. what you defrosted would be, essentially, a skin bag of soup.
(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 15:57, Reply)
That famous quote rang so true throughout that argument
"Never get into an argument with an idiot, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience."
(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 16:21, Reply)
if you can't beat 'em, confuse 'em
agree with him and tell him he should volunteer to have it done
(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 16:30, Reply)
That sounds like a fair description of some people even as they are.

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 18:51, Reply)
True

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 19:01, Reply)
They donít think it be like it is, but it do.

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 21:43, Reply)
How to do a spunk and make poo come out of their helmit

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 17:54, Reply)
That is a tricky one

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 19:02, Reply)
Only morons can't do it.

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 19:14, Reply)
Oh god, this thread is giving me flashbacks about my ex now,
to whom I had to explain about a thousand obvious things too many.
(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 19:40, Reply)
"Yes, most are this small, your ex must have been a rare freak"

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 19:48, Reply)
I knew, even as I typed, that I was setting myself up for this one.

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 19:51, Reply)
the internet was built on dick jokes.

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 20:02, Reply)
My son came back from camp asking if "those boards that are just boards but then they tell you about death" are real.

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 20:25, Reply)
Well?? What's the fucking answer then?

(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 20:39, Reply)
Put your finger on this glass, and the spirits will give you a definitive answer.
gl
(, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 20:46, Reply)

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