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morning

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 6:29, Reply)
Sure is, and a bright blue sunny sky

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 6:31, Reply)
has the sun got its hat on?

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 6:45, Reply)
It looks like it and I've got the kettle on

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 6:48, Reply)
how many sugars?

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:20, Reply)
none, i don't even carry milk

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:24, Reply)
hi evil looser's

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 6:43, Reply)
sad

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 6:59, Reply)
terror threat raised to super turbo critical, a dozen bombings imminent, corbyn too soft, strengthen my hand

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:02, Reply)
We need a final solution

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:03, Reply)
send them all back, nationwide poll to define who should be included in "them"

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:06, Reply)
Not final enough

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:12, Reply)
we're gonna build gas chambers, libya's gonna pay for it

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:15, Reply)
after all these years you'd have thought there would have been an easier way to commit genocide

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:33, Reply)
chemtrails, just need to up the concentration

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:39, Reply)
morning dribble

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:15, Reply)
Good morning pal

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 6:47, Reply)
alright spanf
Still in the big smoke?
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:00, Reply)
Yes yes.
All week again. And then back on Tuesday evening until Friday.

Then Cheltenham the week after and then in a couple of weeks off to the Gold Coast
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:05, Reply)
Morning chap's

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:26, Reply)
I'm more of a chafe m8

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:29, Reply)
Goooooooooodmorningoodmorningoodmorning
is how Stephen Fry may enter /talk
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:28, Reply)
he should have killed himself yonks back
and leave everyone with fond memories, rather than becoming a cradle-snatching overly-sensitive drama queen
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:31, Reply)
never mind that, what do you think about stephen fry oh hahaha

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:33, Reply)
I'm struggling to think of any celebrity who has given up drugs
and become more interesting
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:35, Reply)
christ, imagine how annoying russell brand must have been before

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:38, Reply)
He was on the smack wasn't he?
I imagine he shut the fuck up for a few minutes at a time.
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:01, Reply)
paid to watch him on 4od, bit disappointing

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:07, Reply)
Ha

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:14, Reply)
Oh. Ok. We're going again are we?

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:44, Reply)
The wheel is turning...
But the hamster is well and truly dead.
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:45, Reply)
^w heath robinson machine with the most geres

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 7:52, Reply)
you wanna go?
YOU WANNA GO?
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:09, Reply)
A woman said that in a ridiculous porn plot I once watched
and all I could think of was the bloke replying "actually, I'd rather stay and insert my penis into your anus" but instead he didn't say anything at all. I think the male porn actor was actually rather intimidated by the whole scenario.
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:10, Reply)
Watched. Yeah. Alright godby

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:34, Reply)
Bop it

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:05, Reply)
Twist it

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:15, Reply)
you missed leeds castle chat last night
I was expecting you to get all triggered
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:19, Reply)
I had my mums to stay as it's Chelsea Flower Show, so I was cooking
Just as well by the sounds of it
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:53, Reply)
Big up in da /talk.
Sod-all to do today and then a four-day weekend. GET IN.
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:22, Reply)
it's all suddenly going tits up here
and I'll be getting on a plane in about 48 hours to fly far far away from the fuckfest.
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:41, Reply)
Yes

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:25, Reply)
this is the can-do attitude I can get behind

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:42, Reply)
Maybe

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:31, Reply)
this post reeks of both shilly and shallying.

(, Wed 24 May 2017, 8:42, Reply)
my in laws and their siblings just showed up
I dished out some 15yo Glenlivet since it's a bit of an occasion, and the fuckers all put cola in it :(
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:27, Reply)
The doom and brimstone you foresaw in this visit
are coming to pass.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:38, Reply)
they even sipped it, grimaced
THEN added coke :(
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:09, Reply)
In their defence, single malt whisky is a shit emperor's new clothes drink for clueless ponces.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:10, Reply)
not like pizza ovens in the south of France

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:11, Reply)
Pretty sure neither of those is a drink.
Not 100% like. I know you scotch will drink fucking anything.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:13, Reply)
^elderflower whine

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:12, Reply)
Are you and Monty having a secret race for who can become /talk's angriest pub bore?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:16, Reply)
You probably prefer the M2 over the M20, you absolute shite of a cunt.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:17, Reply)
detling hill apologist

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:18, Reply)
You know why they call it the Downs?
*gurny chin mong smile*
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:20, Reply)
you take the M2, i'll take the M20,
and i'll be in Maidstone afore ye
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:20, Reply)
Leeds castle this weekend.
They're doing jousting or some wank. Great.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:21, Reply)
hm, not exactly a diesel gala is it

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:24, Reply)
My mate got arrested for fishing the moat

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:36, Reply)
Class.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:48, Reply)
There are some un caught lumps in there , he took months scouting the place, arrested on his 2nd attempt

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:00, Reply)
I used to live next door.
Wave to my old house!
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:52, Reply)
You rubbish idiot.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 22:50, Reply)
Glenlivet's not exactly the best whisky though tbh,
mind you i was drinking Bell's last night
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:10, Reply)
it wasn't the best in the chest
but I've have poured them Teachers if knew they were going to do this
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:13, Reply)
I can't stand that stuff.
J&B is a nice enough blend tbf.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 22:24, Reply)
I prefer Grant's
because it's cheaper
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:13, Reply)
we were given it,
i wouldn't usually touch the stuff
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:14, Reply)
If I slapped a turd in your hand would you eat that?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:15, Reply)
the state i was in last night,
it's difficult to say for sure
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:16, Reply)
What's that one with the warbly little bird with the dodgy eyeliner?
The Bangles.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:14, Reply)
The next time they have you round for dinner,
take one bite, grimace, then drown the plate in ketchup.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:11, Reply)
I see you've never eaten Polish food before

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:35, Reply)
the Polish deli has some good stuff in

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:36, Reply)
Polish ingredients are superb
It's when they try to combine them that it all goes tits up
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:21, Reply)
I like bigos.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 22:22, Reply)
And you cannot lie, all the Polski Bracia can't deny, when a girl walks in with a glass jar containing brown cabbage shreds and floaty bits of questionable "meat" that even a kebab shop would reject, you get sprung

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 22:28, Reply)
bravo!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 22:43, Reply)
If it's already drowned in ketchup, remain in your seat, whip out your phone and call the local pizza place.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:45, Reply)
wankers

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:39, Reply)
Grounds for divorce, m8.
Or at least banning them from your house.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:40, Reply)
I think this is one of those things where you're supposed to "wife up, hit a lawyer and divorce a gym".

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:41, Reply)
Beast your lats in the pit, or something

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:45, Reply)
Cunts should've used Dr Pepper

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:47, Reply)
I agree , or redbull

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:52, Reply)
Jesus fucking wept.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 21:06, Reply)
Why not offer your guests a choice of drinks, instead of expecting them to just drink what they're given.
I don't really drink neat whiskey anymore.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:47, Reply)
I gave them the choice of my entire liquor chest m8
or beer, cider or wine. Utter cunts
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:03, Reply)
Oh, yeah, pricks then

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:09, Reply)
Sissy.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:20, Reply)
It really should have been tizer
The fucking classless benders
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:47, Reply)
may as well stick umbrellas in them too.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:48, Reply)
And some in the drinks too

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:51, Reply)
Dr pepper is better

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:51, Reply)
k

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:58, Reply)
Fucking savages. :(

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:58, Reply)
So fucking what

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:01, Reply)
Your face is what.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:09, Reply)
woah
I'm feeling this sexual tension
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:10, Reply)
sO fUckInG wHaT

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:09, Reply)
He's upset because a bottle of bollox that cost less than a gram of sniff has been not drunk to his liking

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:10, Reply)
You'd be well fucked off if somebody splashed fizzy pop over your sniff though.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:11, Reply)
Not if it was our queen

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:37, Reply)
They seem to have done away with cherry coke, must be something to do with the stupid sugar tax. As if I needed any more reasons to hate fat people.
If anyone sees some let me know so I can stockpile it.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:10, Reply)
I had cherry coke and vanilla coke last week.
FASCINATING
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:12, Reply)
they're even reducing the sugar content of Irn Bru,
the world is ending
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:13, Reply)
So long as it's still made from girders.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:13, Reply)
it's made from pizza ovens

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:15, Reply)
Fit.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:16, Reply)
They do a max version now

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:39, Reply)
Irn Bru XTRA you mean?
i don't see the point of it, there was already Diet Irn Bru, it's just typical cynical sexist marketing of Diet Irn Bru for Boys isn't it
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:41, Reply)
Diet is an abstract concept

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:42, Reply)
it's a bollocks concept when it comes to Irn Bru,
the sugar is the point of it, best thing for hangovers
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:44, Reply)
I bought that by mistake once, it's shit.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 22:19, Reply)
Can you not just add some yourself?
Or is sugar banned there too now?
(, Wed 24 May 2017, 1:48, Reply)
Tesco sells diet cherry coke

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:13, Reply)
There's loads over here
poles prolly mix it into their chateauneuf du pape
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:15, Reply)
You know what else they have loads of over there?
Not roofers or plumbers.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:18, Reply)
pickles

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:21, Reply)
No roofers over here, it's the biggest skill shortage,

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:41, Reply)
I was going to say we've got one in our roof but I think he's actually Czech. And he's also just knocked off for the day.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:48, Reply)

off for the
one out all
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:02, Reply)
Try Poundstrecher, the range or home bargins
They always have multipacks of the stuff.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:50, Reply)
Can't go there. Might get bullied by the staff in an elaborate charity con.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 22:19, Reply)
no way!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:22, Reply)
You can't expect trash not to be trash Grrry.
:(
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 19:53, Reply)
oh, lovely, a gift of American chocolate

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:23, Reply)
DAmnit Grrry. that cost them a month's wages. Your father in law pulled double shifts at the collective farm for a whole damn YEAR to pay it off.
Show some comradely gratitude.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:33, Reply)
No such thing

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:45, Reply)
Mmm, sour.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 21:08, Reply)
waterboard the savages with panda-pop

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:45, Reply)
Faygo or gtfo.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:48, Reply)
The thing about panda pop is
its worse than not drinking, you drink it and you feel less refreshed. like someone managed to make a beverage from course sand. Like sea water every drop leaves you cruelly less hydrated.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 20:55, Reply)
I haven't had it since I was about 10
yet from vague memory this sounds exactly right
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 21:08, Reply)
Alright Peter Kay

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 23:08, Reply)
I'm starting to think I much prefer rum to whisky.
A couple of my mates are going to Islay at the weekend for the festival there. They're also planning on visiting the stone building The KLF burnt a million quid in.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 22:20, Reply)
wakey wakey!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:50, Reply)
pokey pokey, more like
hiya
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:51, Reply)
hullo Wood-oh

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:52, Reply)
+ hands off snakey!
haha, because snakes look a bit like penuses. Do you see?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:53, Reply)
my snakey cries a lot

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:54, Reply)
you speak with forked tongue, m8

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:58, Reply)
heap big um bellend m8

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:00, Reply)
^little plums

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:01, Reply)
It's certainly weeping.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:07, Reply)
there's a Pokemon called 'Weepingbell' which always raises a puerile snigger

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:08, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:09, Reply)
Oh I see alright

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:54, Reply)
I knew YOU'd get it
You're bright
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:57, Reply)
The tail or the head end?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:56, Reply)
Which ever end you're thinking of
it's the wrong one, m8
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:57, Reply)
^ rattling helmet

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:14, Reply)
CANNOT UNSEE

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:00, Reply)
mine has that frill thing around the head

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:08, Reply)
haha
yuk
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:10, Reply)

news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/01/photogalleries/frilled-shark/ ?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:16, Reply)
Not the most respectful invitation to a wake I've ever seen.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:54, Reply)
I'm a pretty disrespectful guy, m8

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:55, Reply)
Customer of the day (updated due to late entrant): Gillie Dongworth

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:54, Reply)
No pornstar names, please.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:55, Reply)
That's rich, 'monster munch'

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:57, Reply)
I always cheated the "pornstar name" rules
so that I was either Pinkie Woods or Tiny Norman.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:13, Reply)
Dongers to her mates

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:55, Reply)
Dongsie, I calls her

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:59, Reply)
you're not one of her mates though

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:00, Reply)
No, well that's true

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:00, Reply)
I am, and this is pretty rude tbh

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:01, Reply)
I meant no disrespect

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:01, Reply)
she's not happy m8
I'm trying to smooth things over but she's deeply hurt and I can't say I blame her
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:07, Reply)
give her my mobile number
This needs a man's touch
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:08, Reply)
whaddam I? Chapped liver already?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:09, Reply)
Not sure about that; sounds a bit Jewish.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:24, Reply)
I had a pair of Rutters

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:34, Reply)
+, Anne Frank. It's the Schutzstaffel!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:55, Reply)
Hurrah! No more shit threads!
Nice one, 't3h SS'
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:56, Reply)
Actually, it would have been the Gestapo

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:56, Reply)
Guts Arse Poo more like

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:58, Reply)
I'd like to see you say that to their faces

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:59, Reply)
+e

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:59, Reply)
I don't sweat the gestapo
I'd be all like "OI! fucking HANS or whatever ur fucking name is. Try any of that shit on me and I'll be like BANG right in your fucking GERMAN FACE"

I'd be like that
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:00, Reply)
no u never ud shit ur pants

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:09, Reply)
no wey u wud more like

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:12, Reply)
apparently just the regular police

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 16:59, Reply)
Dutch collaborators eh?
I'll never watch darts again
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:00, Reply)
Wasn't looking for her if I remember, some spiv black market blokes

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:26, Reply)

regular fashion
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:01, Reply)
vot are you vearving?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:02, Reply)
Ein string of pearls, und ein schmile

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:06, Reply)
My head hurts, it feels like Biff Tannen has been knocking on it.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:11, Reply)
strikethrough saying buff guys cocking on it

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:31, Reply)
Back once again with those cock knocking beats

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:33, Reply)
I've just realised I was in 'on time' today so could've tdfu'd half an hour ago, ffs.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:03, Reply)
Oh. Fuck.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 17:41, Reply)
Bendy wendy more like

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 18:20, Reply)
Roger No Moore
Now he really is a Saint up in double O Heaven
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:44, Reply)
fuck off

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:46, Reply)
Show some respect ffs

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:47, Reply)
I mean ian rush's inadequate flushes' thread was going strong
Then this knob jockey barges in without so much as a by your leave

Fucking cunt
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:48, Reply)
there's a timing concern

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:47, Reply)
he should have stuck to rolex then...oh hahahaha

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:47, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:48, Reply)
this one's a bit special, looks to have a biscut cut main dial to show the red dial underneath, this was made just for the film
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/56/a3/e2/56a3e2dc12db576cc736f2826445d078.jpg
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:51, Reply)
Not sure about that spoon-style winder tbh

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:52, Reply)
I wonder if he kept that one

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:52, Reply)
nah I've got it

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:53, Reply)
it's actually in the Jewish Museum London

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:54, Reply)
Jewish Museum rated "excellent" by 120 travellers

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:55, Reply)
How many rated it a 5 pointed star?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:55, Reply)
nah it had no guts in it, but looking at them they look like two different dials, maybe 2 prop watches
www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-11-04/james-bond-rolex-at-phillips-geneva-watch-auction
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:55, Reply)
Maybe they aren't even real Rolex if they're props.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:57, Reply)
nah rolex did make them for the bond films, they were happy flemming referenced them in the books

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:58, Reply)
That's pretty cool.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:01, Reply)
they have a long tradition of supporting the british military, if you were a pow in ww2 you could write to rolex and they would send you a watch, you could pay for it later, it was to help pows time escapes

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:06, Reply)
I read about this a while back

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:16, Reply)
i'm probably repeating myself , lol

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:18, Reply)
Nah I think it was a news article
Some chaps IOU docket came up in his paperwork when he died iirc
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:23, Reply)
Officers were expected to be gentlemen, so paid their debts, but I'm not sure they worried about the ones that didn't

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:27, Reply)
I suppose they must have written off a fair few watches where the guy died before paying up

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:29, Reply)
here's a nice bit of history great escape fans, there are other links in the story too
www.hodinkee.com/articles/a-vintage-rolex-reference-3525-telling-a-beautiful-but-tragic-story
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:35, Reply)
That's fantastic
My sister's got a silk map of the Rhineland which was sewn into the lining of our grandfather's jacket from when he parachuted in behind lines in (I think) '44. It has a massive bloodstain on it and his escape route drawn on it in a dotted line. Pretty cool stuff
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:42, Reply)
that is cool

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:48, Reply)
I didn't know they bothered sending and receiving letters to pows.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)
for the most part they played by the geneva convention, they might have been nazis but they weren't all bad, till they just started killing everyone

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:21, Reply)
it was remarkably gentlemanly
If you read Pat Reid's Colditz accounts, POWs were treated pretty well - and Colditz was for serial hardcore escapers. Aid parcels containing all sorts of espionage/escape stuff got through all the time
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:22, Reply)
I think the only account of being a pow I've read has been in Slaughterhouse Five.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:23, Reply)
If you were going to be a POW you were a million times better off with Ze Nazis than the Japanese
Those dudes were fucking brutal.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:28, Reply)
they have no respect for captured enemies, you should fight to the death, and after the rape of nanking we really shouldn't have been surprised

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:32, Reply)
those shin gunto loving mother fuckers

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:37, Reply)
quite

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:37, Reply)
Yeah I've heard the British pows had makeshift boozers in the camps, the french brothels.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:41, Reply)
The books are a litany of luxury brand namedrops

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)
helped recruitment, then unlucky you're off to east berlin

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:22, Reply)
I've mentioned something down in the last thread that is mentioned in the Simpsons back when it was still funny,
And Manolith hasn't posted a frinkiac gif of the scene. I'm worried about him.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:55, Reply)
man-o-lith's simpsons gifs

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:57, Reply)
ha, the sad thing is
i had the tab open but got distracted by work
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:16, Reply)
Well, I'm just glad you're ok

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)

frinkiac.com/video/S13E15/ym_-U75pmf9duT94q8NItCryQzg=.gif
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:48, Reply)
He came to my grandad's house for dinner once
He wasn't even invited; Stirling Moss brought him along.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:04, Reply)
*sighs*
Sure he did, Godby
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)
"how can I connect these two unrelated events?"
twitter.com/Vinny_LBC/status/867009674671005696
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:05, Reply)
Fucking hell.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)
*belms*

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)
he's like a crap partridge.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:21, Reply)
Bloody hell.
A politician over here's spent most of the day being ripped to shreds on Twitter for tweeting that it had been over five hours since the bombing and there'd still been no word from the French president. Absolutely any tasteless, tenuous excuse to score some political capital.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:36, Reply)
what a spaz

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:39, Reply)
There's a sandwich van around here with a horn that plays Dixie which has baffled and perturbed a merkin visitor.
What casually racist car accessories have you blah etc blah.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:25, Reply)
My car alarm plays the Horst Wessell Lied

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:27, Reply)
cool

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:29, Reply)
uber cool m8

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:33, Reply)
^ drives a taxi.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:33, Reply)
I believe this!
*click*
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:33, Reply)
Roger Moore has carked it.
www.theguardian.com/film/2017/may/23/roger-moore-saint-persuader-and-the-suavest-james-bond-dies-aged-89
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:27, Reply)
didn't realise he was 89

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:28, Reply)
older than Connery
...who is also not long for this world, I fear
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:39, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:33, Reply)
I'm raising an eyebrow in respect.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:34, Reply)
I heard it was AIDS related

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:34, Reply)
oh

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:34, Reply)
Yeah
He was very much into the scene
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:37, Reply)
He caught it off Herve Villechaise on the set of The Man with the Golden Gun
The randy little chutney
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:40, Reply)
"Oh, my little cock warmer!"

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:40, Reply)
"Boss! Boss! De cock! De cock!"

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:41, Reply)
'the shame, the shame'

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:42, Reply)
^better

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:44, Reply)
Matt Berry looks weird without a beard eh
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/83/Herve_Villechaize_1977.jpg/808px-Herve_Villechaize_1977.jpg
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:40, Reply)
haha

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:42, Reply)
Man with the mouldy bum, more like

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:41, Reply)
Oh, jesus
the guy is barely cold
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:43, Reply)
oh, like YOU know

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:45, Reply)
Rest In Peace

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:35, Reply)
my car has a massive black dildo on the front

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:28, Reply)
You can pull up to my bumper.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:34, Reply)

???
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:37, Reply)
his fashion sense... fucking hell

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:38, Reply)
frightful eh

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:41, Reply)
going for that 80s Californian teen girl look

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:43, Reply)
I fucking love Kanye.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:42, Reply)
Is that a giant Kanye action figure?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:38, Reply)
i mean if anyone was going to have one...
but no
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:42, Reply)
Something about black men getting away with murder

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:44, Reply)
When I fart it sounds like the entirety of Iron Butterflies seminal album "Inna gadda da Vida"

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:32, Reply)
can confirm
weirdly, they smell more like their first album, the largely underrated 'Heavy'
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:33, Reply)
but smells like a crack whore's fanny

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:33, Reply)
That's a harsh criticism of their first album

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:38, Reply)
told you it's underrated

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:42, Reply)
shit sandwich

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:43, Reply)
I think your record may have just been a big scratch

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:40, Reply)
I've got swastika shaped spokey dokeys on my Raleigh Spider

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:36, Reply)
and a 'Black Penis Inspector' t-shirt

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:38, Reply)
you know it

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:39, Reply)
golliwog air freshener

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:38, Reply)
don't lie on the internet

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:40, Reply)
but no one will talk to me in person

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:44, Reply)
oh come on m8, we're trying to have a serious conversation here

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:43, Reply)
does it smell like marmalade?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:44, Reply)

www.platecreator.com/Design/ViewPlate?plateLocation=Rear&previewFullSize=true&PlateId=&PlateSizeIs3PartAvailable=True&Is3PartPlate=false&IsBSMarkPlate=false&IsHalfSpacing=false&PlateVehicleId=1&PlateLocationId=0&PlateSizeId=1&PlateTextFontId=1&PlateText=PAKIS+OUT&PlateTextColourId=1&PlateBackgroundId=&PlateLeftBadgeId=&PlateRightBadgeId=&PlateBorderColourId=1&PlateBorderPositionId=1&PlateBottomText=&PlateBottomTextColourId=1
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:42, Reply)
NSFW guys

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:46, Reply)
Hi there bopper's

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:30, Reply)
Customer of the day: 'Jean Jimbo'
Bonus ball: 'BA Purchase' has reordered
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:31, Reply)
relative of Ray "Bloody" Purchase

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:33, Reply)
:)

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:36, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8075131
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:14, Reply)
You should send these comedy names to rob,
for inclusion in the newsletter.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:35, Reply)
rob's been sectioned after wetting himself and screaming in the Kentish Town branch of Iceland
Sad to see t3h Ginger Fuhrer sunk so low - it just goes to show, anyone can suffer from food addiction. It ruins lives and it ruins families - please take care of yourselves, boarder's.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:37, Reply)
50p ham is a gateway food.
So sad.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:39, Reply)
gateway shut down years ago

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:03, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:10, Reply)
fuck
where am i going to get my computers now?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:33, Reply)
The Morrison's in Portchester sells washing machines
Who's buying a washing machine at the supermarket?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:34, Reply)
Large supermarkets have long carried white goods.
I bought my last telly in Asda.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:42, Reply)
Granted
but this Morrison's is not a big one, and in a pretty quiet area.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:47, Reply)
seems like a bad use of space
#provincialtownsupermarketchat
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:52, Reply)
This is a new high for a /talk thread, huh?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:55, Reply)
it's the thread we deserve
if not the thread we need right now
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:22, Reply)
I bet that was a bit stingy in the morning.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:26, Reply)
there's a morrisons in portchester?
but yeah, it's not really an impulse buy, is it?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:44, Reply)
Oh hang on...it might be a Coop
it's the one in the precinct. It's changed hands a few times over the years.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:47, Reply)
yeah, it's a co-op now but it was a somerfield when i worked there, a safeway before that and a bejams before my time

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:51, Reply)
keep it to gaz eh lads

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:56, Reply)
come on m8, this is hot stuff

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:58, Reply)
So it's never been a Morrison's
Man, my local supermarket game is WEAK, son.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:57, Reply)
not to my knowledge

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:10, Reply)
yeah the safeway on london road temporarily became a morrisons and now it's an asda
something to do with the monopolies and mergers commission I think
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:07, Reply)
it's me m8

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:54, Reply)
needed to wash a coat in a hurry?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:55, Reply)
I can neither confirm nor deny this

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:57, Reply)
*follows trail of evidence*
*wishes he hadn't*
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:58, Reply)
Now Wash Your Hands

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:59, Reply)
I'm in a tiny meeting room,
and I really need to guff. :(
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:07, Reply)
do it with confidence
lock eyes with the most senior person in the room and properly let rip

you'll definitely get a promotion
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:10, Reply)
Beefo

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:34, Reply)
Window

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:35, Reply)
I'm part of the Turnball AC's

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:36, Reply)
Tangles is in the Lizzies

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:38, Reply)
I'll claim The Punks as my peeps.
Rollerskates and dungarees, all the way!
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:42, Reply)
I like wearing makeup, so if like to join the baseball furies

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:01, Reply)
i'll take the saracens

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:22, Reply)
bopper's what?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:39, Reply)
wedding
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPw9OBC28dA
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:40, Reply)
that's rather odd

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:44, Reply)
Alright, Lynne Truss

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:43, Reply)
*googles*
ah. as you were.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:57, Reply)
*plays nowhere to run to*

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:39, Reply)
hellooooooo baaaaa-by

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:42, Reply)
Pick you up at 8 and don't be late?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:47, Reply)
oh baby you know what I like

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:16, Reply)
GS

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:24, Reply)
^real loose like a long-necked goose

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:26, Reply)
so are we real leese like long-necked geese?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:27, Reply)
yes

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:43, Reply)
hi

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:44, Reply)
sup, foo'?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:48, Reply)
little m'man
very little
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:12, Reply)
I bet you didn't even see my spinner earlier.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:52, Reply)
disgusting.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:57, Reply)
My chat-up lines are the best in the history of chat-up lines, maybe ever.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:58, Reply)
"do you want to see my elephant impression?"

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:04, Reply)
I like Frank Skinner's "I can do a great Darth Vader impression; all I need's a dark room and a luminous condom."

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:05, Reply)
I'd love to try that line on somone called Luke

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:13, Reply)
That's no moon

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:14, Reply)
Get in there, you big furry oaf. I don't care what you smell.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:17, Reply)
And I thought they smelled bad......on the outside!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:17, Reply)
You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:19, Reply)
haha
v good
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:19, Reply)
I like literally nothing about Frank Skinner
Apart from the fact that he's a dry alkie and very obviously really bitter about it
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:58, Reply)
I like the way
that the only reason you've turned up in this sub-thread is to call someone shit and a cunt.

For certain values of 'like'.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:01, Reply)
Rich is Rob Newman IRL. He's still cut up about getting ditched by David Baddiel.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:20, Reply)
You see Boyce? That's your girlfriend, that is

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:33, Reply)

Frank Ethel
he's she's
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 14:32, Reply)
Teeny boppers?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:56, Reply)
bit harsh
who are we to cast aspersions on the size of mcb's boppers?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:58, Reply)
Oh they are most definitely teeny tiny

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:59, Reply)
like a gnome's space hoppers?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:03, Reply)
fuck it, it's too sunny for this
i'm off down the beach
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:05, Reply)
I have received two letters from the NHS 24 hours apart
One that states my last chest x Ray was clear and I do not need to continue any kind of treatment.

And the other basically says I am fucked and still have pneumonia.

Decisions, decisions.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:59, Reply)
You are Schroedinger's cat,
AICMFP
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:12, Reply)
Schroedingers Prat.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 15:06, Reply)
If you decide to ignore the bad news, turn to 135.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 13:35, Reply)
so....
now what?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:44, Reply)
chicken butt
lol
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:45, Reply)

butt dentist
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:46, Reply)
or a butt dentist
woah
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:47, Reply)
??? (nsfw)
68.media.tumblr.com/4048392_500.jpg
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:52, Reply)
OK, so, if Rule 34 is that if something exists, there is porn of it,
which rule is that says if reference is made to anything on the internet, someone will post a weird relevant picture?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:54, Reply)

dunno
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:08, Reply)
ooh, meta

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:18, Reply)
i'm so meta, even this acronym
/ac
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:26, Reply)
lmaoshmsfoaidmt

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:35, Reply)
haha, oh no!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:37, Reply)
jajajaja

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:38, Reply)

frinkiac.com/video/S07E21/t77rsIs_sXEPmLv6uD7GqzYuTeI=.gif
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:40, Reply)
¡no me gusta!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:41, Reply)
JESUS

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:22, Reply)
It's an orthodontic nightmare.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:24, Reply)
not one of the more classical depictions, if so

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:26, Reply)
I told my boss that 'the shit hits the fan' came from Henry V Part 2
and he believed me. I had an attack of conscience and fessed up shortly after.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:48, Reply)
by an astonishing coincidence
we were discussing that very phrase in the office about an hour ago
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:52, Reply)
that IS astonishing

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:54, Reply)
isn't it though?
we were explaining it to the polish placement student and she was trying it in different contexts. language is a funny old thing, innit
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:08, Reply)

imgur.com/CHmBhqM.gif
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:13, Reply)
+ny

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:57, Reply)
good point

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:59, Reply)

now what? here it is, Merry Christmas...
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:50, Reply)
215 days

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:51, Reply)
squeeeeeeeee!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:52, Reply)
What's that in sleeps?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:59, Reply)
9

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:59, Reply)
are you a bear?
in the gay sense, natch
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:10, Reply)
Well I do let a short blonde sleep in my bed

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:23, Reply)
will do ocular pat downs for $5

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:58, Reply)
have you got the appropriate eyewear?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:10, Reply)
I have a leather duster

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:17, Reply)

l f

How tickled I am!
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:23, Reply)
someone mentions something relevant to their interests
which inexplicably riles up half of the board
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:59, Reply)
maybe you're right
we SHOULD talk about wrestling
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:09, Reply)
same thing you do every day, Pinky

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:13, Reply)
yeah, but i contain it to gaz... mostly

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:27, Reply)
RIP Henrich Himmler on this day in 1945

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:04, Reply)
taken too young :*(((((

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:04, Reply)
Always in R swastickers!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:07, Reply)
The extremely attractive girl sitting next to me
just described me as being "like the big brother she never had". It's not hard to imagine a time when I'd have found that devastating.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:05, Reply)
say back to her: "And I'd fuck you if we lived in Norfolk."

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:09, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:28, Reply)
MUPPS IS SAFE, EVERYONE!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:37, Reply)
Given my swanky new PC and its ability to run ALL THE GAMES
I reckon the entire population of Manchester could be wiped out by an airborne plague and I'd survive by not leaving the house until I'd beaten all three Witcher games and the Dark Souls series
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:45, Reply)
Hooray

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:06, Reply)
do what $$ says

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:09, Reply)
this is general advice, btw

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:11, Reply)
He should write a self-help book.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:16, Reply)
an AMA would probably cover most bases

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:20, Reply)
I don't want it to get too sexual though

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:21, Reply)
how sexual is too sexual?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:25, Reply)
if asexual is not sexual at all
I guess it's zsexual
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:34, Reply)
Which base should I be aiming to get to?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:22, Reply)
All the ones that belong to us.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:08, Reply)
and then read it

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:25, Reply)
chevron

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:25, Reply)
I'll give it due consideration.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:13, Reply)
Adopt the general demeanour of Donald Trump and say "If you weren't my sister..."
while making vague grabby motions with your hands.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:13, Reply)
but she isn't his sister
he can sexually assault her with impunity
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:19, Reply)
I'm only ever overly affectionate if I've had a bit to drink,
or after 20 minutes' sleep. The latter is a bit of a mystery to me.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:21, Reply)
I dunno.
Just found out one of the blokes at work ran some extension leads for a do at the weekend. Had 2 water boilers on separate phases on the same table in the rain.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:24, Reply)
I was lost until the bit about the rain

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:25, Reply)
There's a power ballad in there somewhere

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:38, Reply)
romantic

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:40, Reply)
I'm taking my pants off in preparation

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:43, Reply)
didn't even put mine on
no point
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:44, Reply)
I was lost until the bit about the rain,
I'm taking my pants off, in preparation for the pain.
See, writes itself.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:46, Reply)
Wrong sort of pain, m8
That's not romantic at all
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:48, Reply)
I always take my trousers off when I'm in emotional turmoil over a potential tryst
Edit: trist?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:53, Reply)
tryst

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:55, Reply)
Come on baby, let's do the tryst

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:56, Reply)
sad

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:00, Reply)
And then what?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:26, Reply)
+sweet november

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:26, Reply)
what a maroon!
i assume
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:28, Reply)
you should probably get him fired

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:30, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:31, Reply)
just letting mongy know I'm still alive

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:33, Reply)
too late
he's out arranging a venue and catering as we speak
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:37, Reply)
I hope he gets some Double Decker centerpieces

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:51, Reply)
he'll probably play it safe and only get fags and booze
too many vulnerable potential addicts here
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:58, Reply)
That's mongy, always WATCH-ing out for others
ohohohoo....but seriously food addiction is no joke
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:00, Reply)
no new icons then :(

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:37, Reply)
b3ta needs a facebook check in thingy

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:38, Reply)
There's one for the bombing
I woke up this morning to "Joe Bloggs, Jane Doe, and 20 other friends have verified themselves as safe, post your status now!" type prompts. Considering my circle of friends I highly doubt any of them were anywhere near the city centre, let alone at an Ariana Grande gig, so why they felt they had to let people know they were safe is beyond me
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 11:44, Reply)
Mmm.
My brother lives in Manchester but I was instantly reassured when I heard it was an Ariana Grande gig, since that's about as close to the opposite of his sort of music as you can get.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:04, Reply)
My daughter used to watch that Nickelodeon show that Arianna was in.
I should probably put up a long Facebook post about how close to tragedy my family has come.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:06, Reply)

he'
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:08, Reply)
have a nice cup of tea and wait for all this to blow over

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:29, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:09, Reply)
How could you, at a time like this

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:17, Reply)
I'm not a midnight beaker, soz

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:33, Reply)
More of a penis beaker amirite

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:44, Reply)
penis beaker would be a better name for seagulls
The feathered twunts
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:04, Reply)
Portmanteau: guano + pest = guest. Can you think of your own?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:06, Reply)
no

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:49, Reply)
I can, but I'm not going to

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:54, Reply)
prickwanker

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:21, Reply)
nope, I got nothing

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:26, Reply)
zilch

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:27, Reply)
Alright

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:17, Reply)
no, it's too fucking hot and I'm ill and my in-laws are here and waa waa waa

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:33, Reply)
Get a grip

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:08, Reply)
I will, around your neck

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:15, Reply)
I am a fatty - apparently
So you will need big hands
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:16, Reply)
I've got strangley long fingers

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:34, Reply)
It's all the dog bum bum fingering that's done that

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:57, Reply)
salutatioms

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:22, Reply)
shalaam

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:33, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:24, Reply)
I already said that, doofus

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 7:33, Reply)
You didn't say it in the outragous Kenneth Williams voice
like what I did so there.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:35, Reply)
It wasn't until I was an adult
that I realised he did ALL the character voices in Willo the Wisp, and not just the Wisp.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:37, Reply)
^ moog

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:49, Reply)
Best line:
I'll get you, you big fat fairy person you!
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:05, Reply)
morning
My train was late. How's everyone else's morning starting?
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:02, Reply)
better a train than a period
That belongs on a motivational poster
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:16, Reply)
I like this

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:57, Reply)
Yo

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:06, Reply)
right back atcha

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:16, Reply)
How was the London posse?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:00, Reply)
i hope it wasn't too london passé!

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:17, Reply)

How was the London You can grab 'em by the
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:23, Reply)
Fucking amazing
So much so, in fact, that I am seeing them again on Thursday
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:23, Reply)
Not a good one

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:08, Reply)
this builders base is bollocks too

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:16, Reply)
Yer , just want us to buy more gems

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:17, Reply)
fuck em, I've already got well over 5k
I just use them to boost my barracks and spent an hour raiding every ten mins.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:26, Reply)
Just got my second shiny magikarp

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:41, Reply)
Not seen one yet , stupid game

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:51, Reply)
>:(

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:19, Reply)
it's only 58CP so will require some hefty powering up to be much cop

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:23, Reply)
Morning.
And now, for those who are still with us, some light music.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:31, Reply)
I'm still working through the World Goth Day playlist

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:34, Reply)
morning premature ejaculators

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:37, Reply)
it's not premature for me

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:40, Reply)
fuck sake

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:43, Reply)
woah, reign in the 'tude m8

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:44, Reply)
That's not directed at you
It normally is, but not today
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:44, Reply)
When I drive my car, I am not driving. I am participating in a conspiracy called 'traffic'. I will walk.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:47, Reply)

l n
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:47, Reply)
he'

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:48, Reply)
it reduces my risk of developing prostate cancer

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:53, Reply)
The news is a riot of topical satire, this morning, eh?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:53, Reply)
Good day to bury bad news

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:56, Reply)
Teresa must be kicking herself over announcing that manifesto amendment when she did.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:58, Reply)
satire no longer exists

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:04, Reply)
Fox news have had Farage on their show to talk about the Manchester bombing
because of course they have
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:09, Reply)
where is mupps? he's from manchester and i'm sure he was grandes no1 fan

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:15, Reply)
oh :(

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:15, Reply)
Given how hard he bombed in the elections, they must think he's an expert on the subject.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:15, Reply)
LOL GUD 1 M8

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:24, Reply)
SATIRE, see?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:26, Reply)
Might do an edgy greyscale faceswap in tribute to the dead teenagers

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:10, Reply)
faceswaps in heaven x x x

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:16, Reply)
^ nailed it

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:14, Reply)
If you wish me to participate in your so called "Morning thread" then you're going to have to try a little bit harder than that mate.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 8:59, Reply)
if this was a school play
you'd be a tomato
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:15, Reply)
hey howdy ho

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:03, Reply)
show some respect
people have died
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:13, Reply)
so selfish

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:15, Reply)
he wouldn't understand, he doesn't have kids, in many ways he is like the pm

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:17, Reply)
what this site needs is strong and stable moderation

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:19, Reply)
just trying to put on a brave face

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:18, Reply)
who are you calling a ho, bitch?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:16, Reply)
who you calling a bitch, trick?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:18, Reply)
who you calling a trick, thot?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:21, Reply)
well that's that ruined

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:32, Reply)
Trump has given the terrorists the name 'Losers'
So that's that taken care of. And there was me thinking he didn't know what he was doing.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:22, Reply)
I hope he acknowledges World Turtle Day

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:29, Reply)
surely he'll want to show the proper respect to the fallen heroes (in a half shell)

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:33, Reply)
by leaving it until the *very* last minute before going for a poo?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:34, Reply)

arrest these men immediately
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:31, Reply)
jimmy fallon should be doing time in gitmo

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:34, Reply)

www.nbc.com/tumblr_nehddyghzi1qhub34o1_400.gif?itok=850KJ-Us
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:39, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:24, Reply)
alright 2 Can

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:25, Reply)
I met a Dutch lady with inflatable shoes last week.
I phoned her up to arrange a date, but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:27, Reply)


(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:28, Reply)


(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:33, Reply)


(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:34, Reply)


(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:35, Reply)
What was her name?

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:41, Reply)
Wilhelmina
I fucked her twice
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:44, Reply)
nice work

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:46, Reply)
Cheers

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:08, Reply)
office lol
you cunt
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 12:03, Reply)
This is a real box ticker.
www.devonlive.com/mother-and-daughter-ridden-like-horses-and-told-to-lick-the-feet-of-staff-in-barnstaple-poundworld/story-30347088-detail/story.html
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:48, Reply)
brilliant

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:50, Reply)
holy shit that's amazing!
I feel like ringing random numbers and trying to get people to do stupid shit now
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:51, Reply)
A £200 voucher in compensation.
They could buy one of everything in the shop with that.
(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:51, Reply)
fuck

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 9:58, Reply)
Jeremy Beadle didn't die, he became the Lawnmower Man, and inhabits the telephone network.

(, Tue 23 May 2017, 10:07, Reply)
Some jeb-end has created a b3tard reunion group on the facebook so now I know what all your kids look like.
Spoiler: they all look like ugly friendless pricks.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:01, Reply)
b3lated candles, m8

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:03, Reply)
Thanks. I'll pass them on to whoever I nicked this account from.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:04, Reply)
Who's posting pictures of my kids? I'll fucking do time I swear

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:04, Reply)
I was going to suggest the new image challenge should be "Photoshop b3ta kids into porn."
was going to suggest have suggested
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:05, Reply)
New fantasy hobby that I'll get bored of before I do anything: building a kegerator.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:05, Reply)
Just go to the pub like a grown up, you fucking pikey no offence like.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:07, Reply)
I do mate, I do.
I'll never do it anyway. It took me 6 months to clamp a bit of plastic to a bit of wood and tank cut it.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:11, Reply)
Took me three days to build a pizza oven, grill, and outdoor sink.
Are you a girl?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:18, Reply)
Just go to a restaurant like a grown up, you fucking pikey no offence like.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:19, Reply)
I won't eat a pizza unless I'm within 3 miles of pisa, won't be caught fresh

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:37, Reply)
Yer, but you're only including time working. How long did you mean to build one?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:28, Reply)
One and a half weekends.
I'm well good at sums me.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:18, Reply)
Haha, remember when Dr Shambolic used to talk about his pizza oven and it became something of a meme on QOTW?
Almost as funny as Rob Fairholme's 44,000ltr pool of tears!
Still, they're both dead now.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:31, Reply)
No sad loss

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:36, Reply)
I heard they got married and lived miserably ever after.
With Boudicca. And syncubus. And that fat one off of qftw who sucked Psychochomp's cock.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:08, Reply)
Mooey?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:10, Reply)
Her as well.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:10, Reply)
She's probably got better shaving advice now she can grow hair

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:17, Reply)
Are you trying to impress her?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:18, Reply)
Prolly too late. I've already Gaz'd pictures of my tiny nob.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:19, Reply)
Don't worry, I heard she's more of a top anyway.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:28, Reply)
Also might get a valve radio and put a Chromecast audio in it.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:34, Reply)
I like a bit of fish and rice

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:37, Reply)
Someone died, before my time

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:10, Reply)
She's the only person to die in the history of the internet.
Don't go there.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:18, Reply)
rob's hanging around all the time but still no icon
heartless
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:23, Reply)
Ginger fucking ginger prick.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:24, Reply)
It was a she?
Oh, that explains it.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 22:16, Reply)
no u neva

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:11, Reply)
The usual flurry of balloon hats and desperation

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:19, Reply)
Alright, bumboy. How's tricks?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:21, Reply)
Which one are you?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:22, Reply)
All of them, mate. All of them.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:24, Reply)
90k and counting

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:30, Reply)
Hi Dozer!

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:30, Reply)
Except that one.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:11, Reply)
tricks are great, thanks!

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:23, Reply)
Oh, so that's how that lot suddenly appeared on /board.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:34, Reply)
Omg flashmob!!!
Haha, you know, like cunts in London do!
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:49, Reply)
London is just the worst

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:02, Reply)
Been mugged by someone on a moped lately?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:05, Reply)
sad times

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:42, Reply)
Hullo

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:52, Reply)
Nimbus

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:57, Reply)
Yo.
I just had 48 hours in California and ate five steaks. Fuck you, the environment. Fuck you.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:08, Reply)
That's a funny name for a rent boy

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:10, Reply)
Your mum is a funny name for a rent boy.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:12, Reply)
Wouldn't know, I haven't subscribed to top rent boy names for years , too many ads

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:14, Reply)

any uch
+i
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 22:25, Reply)
guy fieri's had him

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:19, Reply)
sick

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:25, Reply)
Ha ha good one I definitely know who that is and get this joke.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:30, Reply)
It's a chef that looks like stonefish off of neighbours or home and away and I still don't get it.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:31, Reply)
^not welcome in flavourtown.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:43, Reply)
no u

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:17, Reply)
That's my boy

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:10, Reply)
I only post wierd shit
not b3ta weird, but still. also I have no Kids.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:28, Reply)

Kids penis
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:31, Reply)
DILDO NUNCHUCK POWER ATTACK

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:39, Reply)
wakki

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 19:57, Reply)
What did you do with them?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:21, Reply)
oh good, it's you

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:21, Reply)
Steve Cram's 50p Hams

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:23, Reply)
Ha!

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:29, Reply)
I don't like that it's not football related

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:43, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8059026
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 20:57, Reply)
Validation on my post

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 21:09, Reply)
Stevie Ray Vaughan's paedophile porns

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 21:36, Reply)
David Moyes's naked young boyses

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 23:04, Reply)
I thought only ugly friendless pricks even used facebook.
So, are you telling us all that you're an ugly friendless prick that likes looking at pictures of children?
Do you drink PACT Coffee perchance?
Do you use paedophile holiday company Bumrats to book your sex-child-exploitation holidays?
Are you a fan of paedophile popular beat combo V!ce?
Are you also a fan of paedophile pop-midget Prince?
And the other paedophile pop-freak Michael Jackson?

tl;dr?: Fuck off back to noncenet, nonce. We don't wan't your sort round here.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 21:49, Reply)
Oh.
all of that
Hai baldmonkey.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 21:50, Reply)
It's $$

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 22:00, Reply)
As some of you are reet posh and that
Anyone got one of these home clothes steamers? Are they any good? I believe the ones from Cleveland are not good to have.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:13, Reply)
steamers are no good at making cheese toasties

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:14, Reply)
Noted
I'd have to get an ironing press for that.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:18, Reply)
kirby trouser press is your best bet

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:29, Reply)

?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:35, Reply)
not that one, no

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:49, Reply)
Corby m8

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:57, Reply)
that's the bunny
brain's overloaded due to sugar intake today
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:00, Reply)
+n

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:16, Reply)
But I don't want my trousers to be renationalised :'(

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:51, Reply)
FUCK YOU THATCHER

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:02, Reply)
Two Hats produces steam

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:20, Reply)
Christ almighty, do I
I have a small cloud around me at all times
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:23, Reply)
That's not steam pig pen

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:24, Reply)

stink lines
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:27, Reply)
hehe

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:35, Reply)
Mean boys

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:41, Reply)
I bet you've had two showers today because the first didn't take.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:27, Reply)
We're approaching that time of year, that's for sure
My record is 6 in the same day. I average around 4.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:40, Reply)
just keep hydrated
I don't want you flaking out on me
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:44, Reply)

media1.giphy.com/media/R809OMAOyz5xC/giphy.gif
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:47, Reply)
oh COME ON

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:47, Reply)
Do you wash your hair every time or

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:45, Reply)
Right, I'm leaving

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:48, Reply)

media3.giphy.com/media/XE4KtjJCQTWPS/giphy.gif
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:45, Reply)
fuck

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:48, Reply)
No. Fuck off.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:44, Reply)
grumpy

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:48, Reply)
I've had to do some work. And I've got the shits

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:50, Reply)
Ugh
Make sure you drink lots of water. But not too much.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:50, Reply)
What happens if I drink too much and how will I know?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:51, Reply)
What am I, a doctor?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:53, Reply)
Where's that prick 2can?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:54, Reply)
Electrocuted by his own air-conditioning.
RIP
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:57, Reply)
It'll teach him to use a mechanical actuator next time then.
Much like the one lowering him into his grave.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:17, Reply)
I got the shits last week, off these sugar free sweets from Aldi.
Only had 7 of the fuckers.
Stomach was rumbling like nobodys business.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:58, Reply)
Bought my parents the special diabetic chocolate Easter eggs
My dad proceeded to eat both in one go, he apparently was pooping for hours.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:01, Reply)
it's like lava.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:02, Reply)
diabetic sweets are notorious for causing arse sdquirts
so are polos
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:05, Reply)
the mint with the HOLY FUCK MY ARSE IS BROKE!!

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:15, Reply)
that'll be them, yes

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:18, Reply)
I've got a heated rack, is that what you mean?
Or a tumble drier?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:51, Reply)
Nah it is handheld steamer
It looks alright to do tshirts with, of which I have loads
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:58, Reply)
Dry them on hangers. Or hang them up in the bathroom when you shower.
Or just don't bother at all.

Also you could probably get quite a few service washes for the cost of a steamer.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:13, Reply)
I looked at one of them but got a jml dri buddi instead.
www.jmldirect.com/Images/Product/Default/xlarge/dribuddi_1.jpg
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:12, Reply)
At the risk of fostering a negative self image,
my rack isn't much cop.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:27, Reply)
I'm sure you've got a lovely rack

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:41, Reply)
just fart on them

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:13, Reply)
"you've spilled some gravy down yourself"

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:14, Reply)
No. We have a steam iron and every week we pay someone to come and operate it for us.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:26, Reply)
this thread has sunk the board into new depths of domestic tedium

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:44, Reply)
Can anyone recommend a good tie rack for my wardrobe?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:44, Reply)
Favourite bus pass holder?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:44, Reply)
What do you put your sponges on after you've done the washing up?
They need to dry out but not curl up at the sides prematurely.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:45, Reply)
I have a green leather one with a little gold crown on it

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 18:03, Reply)
An iron?
I've got one gathering dust, but only since my work adopted a casual dress code
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 17:45, Reply)
Thread! Get your fresh threads here!
Not in the fashion sense, of course. As if anyone had the technology to transmit clothes through the internet!

There was some sort of funfair on the village green yesterday, which proved supremely effective at luring my noisy neighbours and their loud, sulky child away so I could enjoy my garden in peace. At this rate I might as well get a forehead tattoo reading 'Curmudgeon'.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:43, Reply)

head skin
udgeon on and get it
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:45, Reply)
Ah, the ol' cockmudgeon.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:46, Reply)

I am now humming this to the tune of Tit Willow by G'n'S
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:47, Reply)
It's making me think of a gritty adult remake of Catweazle.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:54, Reply)

proved supremely effective at luring my noisy neighbours and their loud, sulky child away so I could enjoy my garden in peace I visited, and managed to find loads of discarded food to eat, and then flew back to my nest.

Curmud Pi
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:53, Reply)

flew back to my nest walked out in a huff

Pi Dud
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:57, Reply)
Dis shit's some elaborate strikey-G, yo.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:05, Reply)
Look, if I can't take the time to re-imagine, albeit through the medium of strikey-g, the metamorphosis of one of our forum members into a pigeon
Then I'm basically wanking
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:06, Reply)
Thank you for sacrificing valuable wanking time to create this mildly kafkaesque vignette.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:11, Reply)
plezh

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:12, Reply)
Is this meant to sound like you're having a stroke?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:15, Reply)
Having never heard someone having a stroke, I have no idea

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Oh, well I have,
and it does. Are you OK?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:19, Reply)
Yes, I'm fine thank you

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:22, Reply)
That's what my Dad said when he was having a stroke.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:27, Reply)
Had you just thanked him for something?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:28, Reply)
I often wished I'd called an ambulance, rather than accepting his assurance that he just had "a bit of a headache".
Oh well.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:35, Reply)
Yes, hindsight and all that
don't beat yourself up about it
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:38, Reply)
You're right, Two Hats.
There's loads of people who want to beat me up!
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:41, Reply)
if anything, it sounds like his dad's fault

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:56, Reply)
spunky roo

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:59, Reply)
spunky dubs

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:06, Reply)
Clothes?
I'm all about the naturism, these days.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:07, Reply)
I'll have you know that under these scant layers of clothing I'm completely naked.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:12, Reply)
Ha, good
www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-39996592
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:15, Reply)
Yeah, I saw that.
Serves him bloody well right.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)
It's funny 'cos five children just lost their father!

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:19, Reply)
Haha, I know

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:22, Reply)
BBC Leeds could do their quiz with him
Nellie the Elephant
Hunting Tigers in India
When the Botha comes in

that's all I've got soz
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:24, Reply)
Tusk, every track, as Lindsey Buckingham intended

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:25, Reply)
Orange (free state) crush
(Hwange national) parklife
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:55, Reply)
lol, bereavement!
I hope that when I go, my kids will be able to say "at last Dad died as he had lived - in the grip of an elephant's trunk."
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:24, Reply)
I'm sure the irony of senselessly killing another living thing won't be lost on them

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:26, Reply)
Haha, oh shit
www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-39999839
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Alan Partridge is alive and well and working in Leeds.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:22, Reply)
What amazes me
is that no one at that station thought to stop and say "wait...is there even the remotest chance someone might be offended by this?"
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:23, Reply)
No publicity is bad publicity.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:26, Reply)
Yeah, but even so

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:26, Reply)
He probably just trotted that one out because he'd lost his soundtrack CD to "Springtime for Hitler".

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:33, Reply)
Safe spaces for two hats.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:38, Reply)
Two hat boxes

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:53, Reply)
Hi there super dudes.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Alright love

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:18, Reply)
yo

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:38, Reply)
Super Stans

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:42, Reply)
I just went to an "event" at my child's nursery
where a load of parents stood around awkwardly while our collective offspring had various degrees of tantrums in the name of a "group performance".
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:45, Reply)
I hope everyone filmed it on their phones

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:54, Reply)
nonce

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:57, Reply)
there were a few
fortunately it was ruined by one brat catching immediate sight of his mother, standing up, and screaming his lungs out non-stop.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:58, Reply)
Just think,
there are adults who do the same thing and call it performance art.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:56, Reply)
do you get cake and orange squash after?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 15:59, Reply)
<s> qotw

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:10, Reply)
sun's at it's highest and it's a proper scorcher here
I'm sweating like a [insert comedy reference]. How do you cope with THE HEAT?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:07, Reply)
I usually doze off by the time Hannah has pulled over McCauley.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:09, Reply)
A nice, cool cocktail.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:09, Reply)
I start a fight with the first little bloke I can find

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:15, Reply)
Do you also punch the first bloke you see when walking out the shop after buying some flowers for the wife?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:18, Reply)
I always enjoy reading your complaints about the heat.
You should probably consider moving to Scandinavia, or something.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:18, Reply)
Oh, I have
I was so happy in Iceland. It was like I'd come home.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:36, Reply)
Still warm in the summer tho

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:25, Reply)
what is the maximum height you would challenge?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:19, Reply)
4'10" is the legal maximum for midgets.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:20, Reply)
8'
I'm not an idiot
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:39, Reply)
hard to find them, relative to your size though
do you wish you were a little bit taller?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:28, Reply)
clickin dis

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:32, Reply)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight
it's the coffin they carry you off in
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:35, Reply)

simpsons gifs. is there anything they can't do?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:44, Reply)
I get in the fridge.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:17, Reply)
I'm usually fine with the heat. Or I would be, but I don't drink enough water.
So I usually end up with piss like treacle and going all weird and dizzy.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:17, Reply)
I secrete fluids from various glands and hope that their evaporation will have a cooling effect

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:18, Reply)
Wanking usually warms me up if anything.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:18, Reply)
I like to sit in the shade and sing happy summer songs.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:20, Reply)
My multifaceted strategy involves:
- sweating copiously;
- having no energy and being unable to concentrate properly;
- being in a permanent state of mild irritation because it's too hot;
- sleeping badly;
- stripping down to my kecks and sitting in front of the fan (best done at home rather than at work).
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:21, Reply)
i usually try and complain it away
never works
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:26, Reply)
I like to frequently point out to other people how hot it is, just in case they haven't noticed

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:30, Reply)
you're providing a vital service
don't let anyone tell you otherwise
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:31, Reply)
"Hot enough for ya?"

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:40, Reply)
I enjoy the heat. It's nice.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:32, Reply)
i think i'm from viking stock though
much more comfortable with cold
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:45, Reply)
^ This.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:51, Reply)

cold rape and pillage
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:54, Reply)
That too the LOVELEY Double Emm,
that too.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 16:38, Reply)

l
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:56, Reply)
nah, i don't play fps games

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:07, Reply)
Fish Procurement Simulators?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:27, Reply)
yeah
i have no idea how they became the most popular genre
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:51, Reply)
I don't know what's going on, man.
I'm just all jammed up inside. Lost my abilities. Been stripped of all my God given talents.
Including, the talents to be able to have sex with any woman I choose, or to throw a fucking ball fast,
or to not prematurely come in my pants. Sometimes I just don't know which one hurts the most. I'm ashamed of myself.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:29, Reply)
Boost a car and pull into the nearest Pay 'n' Spray.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:29, Reply)
ibydydob

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:30, Reply)
^ Ho Chi to my Tim

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:36, Reply)
i'm the hochi cochi man

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:49, Reply)
Alright, Mddy Watrs.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:52, Reply)
ll

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:00, Reply)
Get my thong on

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:30, Reply)
^ dumps like a truck

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:31, Reply)
i got passion in my pants and i ain't afraid to show it, i'm sexy and i know it

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:35, Reply)
new clash update

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:46, Reply)
How much elixir do you need to craft mongy in a thong?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:50, Reply)

vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/clashofclans/images/8/89/Pekka_Statue.png/revision/latest?cb=20130419220213
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:56, Reply)
To quote my son, upon examining my Clash deck:
"You need to get a big pecker, like me."
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:20, Reply)
cheers, on it, this will keep me busy for a bit

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:55, Reply)
bad timing for me, gonna activate 10 days worth of shield on Friday

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:56, Reply)
i'm just get raided and raided, never getting enough to upgrade, maybe this will freshen it up a bit for me , i like the drunk builder already

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:00, Reply)
yeah, you have to really plough time into it to get anywhere
Lost 6k dark elixir in a single raid the other day, how the fuck am I supposed to earn that back?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:02, Reply)
oh yeah, i get done for half a million all the time, when i attack i'm lucky to see 200k

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:06, Reply)
Die from hypothalamus failure

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:34, Reply)
from the Greek for 'river horse'

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:35, Reply)
its

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:41, Reply)
Monty Pythons Flying Circu's

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:43, Reply)
he'

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:45, Reply)
Icy enyma
cool from the inside out
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:04, Reply)

enyma dead people
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:08, Reply)
*polite applause*

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:09, Reply)
Chilling

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:14, Reply)
<s>m

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:17, Reply)
My boss, who is in Netherlands
has just informed me that it's bank holiday monday next week. I do not have my finger on the pulse.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:07, Reply)
is it?
good to know
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:11, Reply)
I know right?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:17, Reply)
tell him to go fuck himself

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:11, Reply)
Half term has taken me by surprise.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:24, Reply)
I have an ancient air conditioning unit on the wall behind me that used to service the entire waiting room before they sectioned off my bit into a consulting room.
It's far too powerful so I alternate between boiling and freezing and end up having to get up to turn it on and off every couple of minutes. Looks like it used to have a remote but none of the universal ones I ordered have worked with it. Thinking of soldering a remote relay across the terminals behind the on button but can't see any way of isolating it from the mains so may well end up electrocuting myself.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:33, Reply)
It's a York YWM-15 in case anyone else can help me find a remote for it

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:35, Reply)
don't see many york ac units over here, only big chillers, speak to these
www.orionair.co.uk/York_air_con_spares.htm
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:40, Reply)
or the company that services the ac for you

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:44, Reply)
I asked them when they came to scrape the mould out of it (every few months there's a build-up and then it fires smelly black flakes all over my room) and they said they didn't know cos it was a very old model.
There must still be remotes out there for them, I expect there are people who collect that sort of thing.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:52, Reply)
York are very rare in the UK, I'd email them in America, see if they can help

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:00, Reply)
That'd be New York, surely?
Hahaha!
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:01, Reply)
nothing to lose then

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:37, Reply)
mongy and Windy will be no doubt thrilled to know that I have no advice to offer you.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:42, Reply)
oh come on now, we could have a chat about what type of refrigerant gas it is running on

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:43, Reply)
Think I'll leave that to the experts.
Refrigerators are essentially magic, as far as I'm concerned.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:45, Reply)
If it's really old it will be powered from the outdoor unit, switch that off and the indoor unit should be dead

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:02, Reply)
You know they make remote controlled actuators right?
Also if it's blowing directly onto you and that's why it's making you cold just tape some carboard onto it to blow it in a different direction, will require less frequent intervention.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:21, Reply)
Yeah the ones I've seen need a power source. Come up with another plan now, could attach some long wires to the terminals, run them along the ceiling and then down the back of my desk to a little momentary switch
As for the cardboard, it's behind my examination curtain so that helps to deflect the breeze a bit anyway
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:29, Reply)
If you download the tech spec there are probably terminals to fit a wall stat

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:37, Reply)
how would the actuator help?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:30, Reply)
I'm worried you're bringing this team down, mongy.
You need to actualize.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:37, Reply)
It could push the power button in for him.
Without having an unqualified person modifying the unit and almost certainly fucking up the support contract.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:40, Reply)
oh i thought you were suggesting an actuator valve, that would have been funny

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:41, Reply)
My usual go-to is a nice relaxing suicide

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:37, Reply)
well look at what the cat dragged in

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:39, Reply)
congratulations, by the way

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:39, Reply)
Thank you!
How have your hats been?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:43, Reply)
As good as ever

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:43, Reply)
It's prolapsed rectum?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:40, Reply)
disgusting

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:40, Reply)
beatboxing in the nude

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 13:56, Reply)
The less successful sequel to Singin' in the Rain?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:14, Reply)
Infinitely more successful ACTUALLY

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:21, Reply)
shove ice cubes up my bum bum

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:12, Reply)
dubs

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 14:12, Reply)
morning

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 7:26, Reply)
Ohai
Monday is it?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 7:45, Reply)
yup
back to work, slackey
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 7:49, Reply)
morning

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 7:49, Reply)
alright spanf
top down cabrio weather?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 7:54, Reply)
Yeah but I am in London unfortunately.
All fucking week. Still nice view of the river.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:02, Reply)
was? du hast ein cabrio?
sweet mother of prostitutes! I hope the ladies let down their tops for you when they see you cruisin' by
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:30, Reply)
Hello.
Yesterday was shit, and now I have to go back to work. Boo.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 7:59, Reply)
I had a shit weekend too
and now I've got a massive dose of in-laws coming to stay
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:05, Reply)
I swore copiously at my in-laws, yesterday.
Not in a fun way, though.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:02, Reply)
Oh ho
This sounds good
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:02, Reply)
Not especially exciting, as you can see below.
They're both really rather laid back, so I struggle to imagine what I could do to engineer a full scale falling out with them.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:24, Reply)
Fair enough
I've only properly fallen out with my inlaws once. They wanted a bigger, fancier wedding than their daughter did, and it upset her greatly and regularly. Tick tock, tick tock, boom.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:25, Reply)
I greatly dislike parents imposing their idea of a wedding on their kids.
My mum being told that the ceremony was to be for close friends and family only didn't stop her from inviting all and sundry along without notifying me (like, say, the woman from the shoe shop who used to measure my feet when I was a kid - a nice enough person, but not quite in the "close friends" category).
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:54, Reply)
I'd be happy with a registry office and the minimum number of witnesses.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:33, Reply)
This was at a registry office.
Invited guests were basically just parents, siblings, and best man & bridesmaids.
Didn't stop my mum's best friend from being in all the wedding photos, though (generally displacing my mum, which amused me greatly).
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:38, Reply)
I've been laying the groundwork for not inviting people by not going to my cousin's weddings.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:40, Reply)
An admirable "scorched earth" policy, if ever there was one.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:44, Reply)
Once my parents die I can't imagine seeing them at all.
I don't dislike them, I just have no interest in talking to them. They're just strangers who when I was growing up I saw annually and now it's even less than that. What's the point?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:37, Reply)
Quite.
I haven't seen any of my cousins in over 20 years, and I'm not overcome with a need to "reconnect with my roots".
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:44, Reply)
and by remaining single

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:59, Reply)
You see, that's where I went wrong

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:26, Reply)
you were always too pretty to remain on the shelf

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:35, Reply)
x o x

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:41, Reply)
Oxo, more like.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:45, Reply)
I'm single by choice.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:53, Reply)

everybody else's
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:53, Reply)
what did they do?
my MiL has invited her brother over from the States, and told him he's perfectly welcome to crash at our place for a few days. She agreed all this with him and his wife before bothering to check with us if it's ok.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:04, Reply)
Charming.
Mine were assisting me with the shed build, which was going well until we came to the roof, at which point I turned the air blue. They left, shortly after, and me and the missus got the roof on with a minimum of fuss.
I'm putting this all down to stored resentment, as I'm only having to sort out the garage as a consequence of her dad having a charging point installed for his car.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:08, Reply)
He's got an e-car?
I hope you did your best Biff Tannen impression and told him to "make like a Nissan, and Leaf".
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:11, Reply)
Nah, it's a Mitsubishi Outlander PHEV - considerably more car than he has any need for.
On the plus side, I'm expecting my next car to be electric, so sorting out a charging point and converting the garage into a car port will be to my advantage, in the long term.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:19, Reply)
40k for a bloated prius with 120hp and some dynamos? What a joke

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:29, Reply)
It's considerably less useful than my Partner, when it comes to lugging shit around,
and he only went from diesel to hybrid to avoid getting stung when driving into London, where I would imagine a small car would be infinitely preferable.
He backed it into a lamppost within a fortnight of buying it, too, despite it having those godawful parking sensors installed.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:38, Reply)
I'm all for divestment from fossil fuels
but that is absolutely the worst wy to go about doing it.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:01, Reply)
I want a
car powered by my own sense of self satisfaction.

Well, that or for battery technology to improve to the point where electric is a viable replacement for internal combustion.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:07, Reply)
electric was viable 100 years ago
it just isn't if you also want electric windows, aircon, a fat stereo and 300kg of interior trim and unnecessary bulk. They worked fine as city vehicles 120 years ago.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:11, Reply)
Lifesize Scalextric pls

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:15, Reply)
Nah, it's all about trolleycars like in Super Mario Brothers.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:36, Reply)
The infrastructure is getting near the state where I can see electric working for me.
And I do want all the mod cons, please.
No doubt we'd have had all this, long ago, if it weren't for the oil and motor industries conspiring to keep it from us (or something).
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:41, Reply)
There was a thing a while back where someone detailed going the breadth of the UK in a Renault Zoe.
They don't have the best range but it's easily doable.

The things to take away from it are there are a lot more charging points than you think and it's better to stop more frequently and give it a 10 minute bump on a charger to get it back to 80%.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:44, Reply)
Indeed.
When we bought the Modus (circa 2010), we looked at electric cars, too, and the salesman's advice was to wait a few more years for the charging points to appear. I've started noticing them, without actively looking for them, over the last couple of years, which makes me think that getting an electric as my next vehicle won't be fraught with problems.
That, and I'm probably going to get stung with punitive diesel taxes, very soon.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:49, Reply)
I've been looking into car sharing schemes.
There's one locally that's about a fiver a month to be in but that fee is spendable. That gets you approx 90 minutes driving time (depending on the car) and I think it's about 17 quid to rent the car for a day.


That's a slight problem with reducing car ownership, it's a bit of a ballache to drive someone else's if you don't have one of your own.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:39, Reply)
Yeah, I don't fancy that, much.
My own car gets pretty grim inside, what with the kids and the dogs, and I wouldn't want to inflict that on anyone else.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:47, Reply)
Well yeah, but with kids and a dog there's more justification for owning your own vehicle.
As a single bloke who doesn't mind the half-hour walk to work, there's little cause to use one, but a fiver is a small price to pay for the option to be able to go somewhere at short notice without having to provide umpteen forms of ID and a blood sample like most car rental firms want (plus usually a whole day rental).

I think in the future self-driving cars will push ownership down quite a lot, especially with things like google now which knows your movements so can get one near you before you request it. They'll act like conveyor belts to more long-distance public transport like trains I reckon.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:50, Reply)
Mùm's lesser known albums

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:46, Reply)
I know I've got at least one of their albums
but can't remember at all what they sound like.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:04, Reply)
I've got Yesterday Was Dramatic, Today is Ok.
IIRC they're a little like Mouse on Mars or Tycho.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:36, Reply)
=^_^=

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:19, Reply)
senpai

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:20, Reply)
*notices*

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:26, Reply)
Morning mate.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:22, Reply)
alright mate
let's make this day a good one
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:27, Reply)
My knee hurts , is that good luck or saink

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:25, Reply)
yer, you'll have the wonderful opportunity to invest in a newly privatised NHS in the near future

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:27, Reply)
sounds alright to me

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:40, Reply)
Typical Tory.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:02, Reply)
something to do with the weather, i think

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:47, Reply)
My knee also hurts, The LOVELY mongy.
It's been hurting for about a week now.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:28, Reply)
good morn
I have back aches from sleeping. this is highly unusual. I believe there was too much flying involved.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:28, Reply)
I need a new mattress too
this one's knackered
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:40, Reply)
a good mattress to sleep on is almost the soul of a house.
I remember water beds from when I was younger. some people don't like them.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:03, Reply)
happy world goth day

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:29, Reply)
Already ruined it by implying that it can be happy

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:34, Reply)
first one I'm actually interested in
and I'm already dressed all in black
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:40, Reply)
Garmorningbozia.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:33, Reply)
sounds bent
or African
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:41, Reply)
It's from Twin Peaks.
I watched "Fire Walk With Me" last night.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:43, Reply)
Spoiler: James did it

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:44, Reply)
New one aired about 2am this morning didn't it?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:46, Reply)
Apparently.
It's the sort of program that could actually convince me to invest in Netflix.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:47, Reply)
I'm regretting netflix now
most of the stuff people rave about isn't on there outside of the US market, so I still download stuff to my NAS and watch it from there anyway.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:54, Reply)
Really?
That's a bit crap. I just sort of assumed you'd be able to get everything no matter where in the world you were. I guess that explains why it's so cheap.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:55, Reply)
that's the shit bit
European netflix is more expensive than the US prices. Its not exorbitant, but paying more to receive less rankles a bit with me.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:59, Reply)
The eastern European library's are especially scant, presumably due to less disposable income,fewer subscribers and more piracy

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:02, Reply)
yer, and yet we still got all the Adam Sandler films
fuck it all, I'll do a monster munch and install KODI
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:12, Reply)
I've done both.
I'm trying to be an honest citizen but I consider anything that's only available through murdoch owned services (sky, now tv, fox) is fair game; also any films where the main actors (and presumably the crew) are dead.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:39, Reply)
Ah, well, sod that, then.
Back to downloading like a l33t h4xx0r.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:07, Reply)
That's their goal - Netflix originals work that way.
But lots of TV and film still has regional distributors. I think the EU were pushing to be treated as a single region.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:00, Reply)
Both Netflix and Amazon are churning out some good telly, and look to be making decent money out of doing so.
Fingers crossed that the rest of the industry can learn a lesson from this.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:05, Reply)
So Twink Peaks is unlikely to be available in English on French Netflix.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:11, Reply)
Embarrassing auto-complete ahoy

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:21, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:27, Reply)
Bugrit.
It's too late to edit it and save my wafer-thin credibility now.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:30, Reply)
I'm not here to judge
Merely to point and laugh
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:32, Reply)
No one will comment on my spazzy fingers, from now on, I'm sure.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:40, Reply)
With my luck, the next meme will be "arse we led it off the road".

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:41, Reply)
just your spazzy face, presumably

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:11, Reply)
Given Sky Atlantic are showing it, probably not.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:42, Reply)
I never watched Twin Peaks back in the day
So I would like someone 'in the know' to tell me whether or not it's worth me watching the new one. Will I understand what's going on? Thanks.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:15, Reply)
If you treat Twin Peaks as a single series investigating the supernatural death of a schoolgirl
then it's worth watching, but once the murder is solved you should just give up. It's very quotable though.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:19, Reply)
First series was good wierd.
Second series was unwatchable tosh caused by too much drugs.
Films were ok. ish.
New series, haven't bothered watching.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 12:00, Reply)
morn

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:46, Reply)
ing, like we're a double act

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:54, Reply)
always finishing each other's

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:09, Reply)
bowel movements

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:13, Reply)
oh boy

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:47, Reply)
here we go again!

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:50, Reply)
I've got to spend half the morning in meetings
that's rubbish
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:57, Reply)
that IS rubbish
have you got time to construct a decoy?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:11, Reply)
Ziggy says there's a 98.7% chance you're bent

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:54, Reply)
he's only trying to get me into bed

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:58, Reply)
+ like some cat from Japan

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:04, Reply)
Nice to know pretty lady stand 1.3% chance of good sexy time with you

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:11, Reply)
hi

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:50, Reply)
glad you survived another weekend

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 8:55, Reply)
It's only a matter of time

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:01, Reply)
bit minimalist

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:11, Reply)
manimalist more like
*transforms into eagle*
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:12, Reply)
+b

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:35, Reply)
good grief

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:37, Reply)
flyyyyyyy like a beagle

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:41, Reply)
grief's usually bad, actually ma8
duh
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:00, Reply)
That's easy for you to say
mister "morning" with your morning thread all morningy and that.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:05, Reply)
I've got this place on speeddial

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:13, Reply)
I could do wit a
Edit. I'm not even going to finish that...
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:16, Reply)
Urgh

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:22, Reply)
Oh, Dickie

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:23, Reply)
^can't even

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:24, Reply)
^ caveman morning sub-thread

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:35, Reply)
This is currently a headline in The Telegraph
"Harry in '100-mile trip' to pick up Meghan Markle for Pippa Middleton's wedding reception"

I .. er ... what? It's news that someone picks somebody up to go to a wedding? I cannot fathom the inanity of this information.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:38, Reply)
this is what I don't get
Why do people care that Prince William's wife's sister got married?
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:41, Reply)
wankers
wankers the lot of them
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:47, Reply)
because it distracts them from how desperately unhappy their lives are?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:14, Reply)
How will the news of a royal picking up their girfriend in a car cheer them up?
When I'm miserable I've never looked for news of someone getting a lift to raise my spirits.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:18, Reply)
misdirection

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:22, Reply)
I went down there to see if I could get a look at them
I love Prince George and Princess Charlotte
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:23, Reply)
wanker

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:25, Reply)
not while I was looking at the kids
only when I saw Pip's bum
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:00, Reply)
I don't like this Enid Blyton fanfic.

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:22, Reply)
True patriot

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:25, Reply)
It's one for the Fail Archive alright.
Man takes car, picks up girlfriend, goes to family function.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:43, Reply)
I know, right?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 9:59, Reply)
But was she wearing a khaki dress?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:13, Reply)
Did he refuse to wear smart black trousers though?

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:30, Reply)
It makes the news because people give a shit.
Why they give a shit about this is anyone's guess. I'm going to go for "momentary distraction from the interminable living hell that is their daily lives".
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:03, Reply)
But it's not even that distracting, is it?
Even if it was someone I gave a shit about, I still can't imagine the news of someone getting in a car and collecting their girlfriend and going to a wedding would peak my interest.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:19, Reply)
Not interesting to you or I,
but we live in a county where the likes of Big Brother and Gogglebox are considered visible entertainment, and Heat magazine still exists.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 10:53, Reply)
'Ning The LOVELY Grrry!
'Ning The LOVELY /talk.
I went to see The Mission on Thursday. They were fucking excellent.
Skeletal Familiy were very good too.
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:27, Reply)
alright stuj
I've not seen the Mission, but Andrew Eldritch will be in Warsaw in September
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:34, Reply)
HUZZAH!
All hail the notgoth king!
(, Mon 22 May 2017, 11:38, Reply)
afternoon

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 12:02, Reply)
cheers

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 12:05, Reply)
Cheers

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 12:20, Reply)
Cheers

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 12:25, Reply)
Cheers

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 12:27, Reply)
Sláinte

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 12:37, Reply)
Kanpai

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 13:46, Reply)
canape

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 15:37, Reply)
Cheers

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 17:23, Reply)
Windy, Richard et al might be interested in this.
BBC Four Documentary on American Roots Music, Directed by Robert Redford, tonight 10pm.
www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08rnyxq
(, Sun 21 May 2017, 13:21, Reply)
Thanks

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 13:23, Reply)
no worries.

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 13:48, Reply)
Might watch it when I get home from seeing LONDON FUCKIN POSSE later

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 16:30, Reply)
PS it looks excellent, thanks m8

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 16:32, Reply)
No problem, enjoy London Posse
ps I'm listening to Sly and Robbie's Rhythm Killers.
(, Sun 21 May 2017, 17:09, Reply)
Good call

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 17:37, Reply)
I've been in the pub all afternoon, I'm really worried I'm going to buy some foood on the way home

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 17:22, Reply)
Stay strong mongy, we all believe in you!

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 17:25, Reply)
This means a lot

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 17:42, Reply)
One day at a time m8, you can do this

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 17:38, Reply)
I just want to do a bit of chocolate, just one bit

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 17:42, Reply)

Brian his joyful
intoned “hello andy” and pointed at a stain on his
shirt and Andy looked down and
Brian slapped him in face
(, Sun 21 May 2017, 19:28, Reply)
Blog so excite

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 20:17, Reply)
Well I came

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 21:55, Reply)
There's a post on /board that keeps crashing my browser, is there anything worth seeing over there other than loads of old people

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 23:57, Reply)
No

(, Mon 22 May 2017, 7:49, Reply)
morning

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 7:03, Reply)
Here's hoping Sunday isn't the write off that Saturday was.

(, Sun 21 May 2017, 8:00, Reply)
morning!
I'm glad that the ancient b3ta-gang raised NoHands out of the grave, among other things last night. amazing what a glasscock on /board can do! it was friggin' mental! has /talk ever moved that much that fast? looks like things were much better before I joined :(
(, Sun 21 May 2017, 11:52, Reply)

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