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They're extending the underground near my flat
and so far they've found 2 dead bodies, and likely there'll be more.

Found anything grim?
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:19, Reply)
Nope

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:21, Reply)
m8 u clean toilets for a living

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:24, Reply)
I've been to Nuneaton today
that's pretty grim
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:23, Reply)
Nah...
An animal jawbone in my garden when I was a kid.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:24, Reply)
Is that you, Samson?

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:26, Reply)
My missus has been packing fudge.
Oo-er.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:28, Reply)
fuck

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:31, Reply)
I just got faster internet
dunno what to do with it
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:32, Reply)
1. Open 10 tabs
2. Stream 10 different porn vids
3. Go and make a sandwich
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:34, Reply)
This essentially exactly what my dad does with radios and tvs in different rooms of the house.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:35, Reply)
I didn't know there was porn on the radio

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:36, Reply)
you never listened to The Archers
PURE FILTH
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Donna Summerszzzzz

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:07, Reply)
join a botnet

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:34, Reply)
download youtube

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:37, Reply)
study the blade

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:40, Reply)
I only watch films with actors who pay their taxes m8
#responsiblemovies
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:43, Reply)
That wasn't his fault tho
He trusted his accountant when he told him that people who earn over a million bucks don't have to pay. He's clever. Like Donald Trump. It's the rest of us who are stupid.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:49, Reply)

Slayer's "Skeletons of Society" from their album Seasons in the Abyss appears on "The Blade".[13] At the beginning of "The Blade" a sample of Funky Drummer is heard, a song by James Brown.[14]
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:52, Reply)
Poopo

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:45, Reply)
what is all this about

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:52, Reply)
shithouse

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:08, Reply)
Open Limewire and start seeding those warez.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:59, Reply)
Polish media companies are actually cracking town on torrents
for the first time ever. This made me sad :(
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:12, Reply)
Do they have any actual teeth, though?
Hadopi in France is a joke. In about March I received my 'final warning' for torrenting before they cut off my internet, except it was the third 'final warning' and nothing has since happened.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:16, Reply)
Get a non-logging vpn for £3 a month.
Here in the UK some companies sent round a load of 'we've seen you downloading, give us 500 quid or we'll take you to court' letters, but they amount to nothing other than a speculative invoice. Usually it was for porn because people were more likely to cough up.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:19, Reply)
Yeah, the wife really wants a VPN
I just don't know if our new cable modem supports it; the old one didn't.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:25, Reply)

one didn't cow should just be greateful for what she's given
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:26, Reply)
You don't need 250mbps to look at kittens on reddit,
but she deserves the best
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:29, Reply)
Couple of things.
You don't need to do it at the router level as you can run it on the pc/phone/tablet (which is handy for when using public wifi).

You could always buy a better router and put something like ddwrt on it and set up a routing table for the vpn (ie pass through for netflix and any local streaming services that geoblock non-Polish ip's)
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:27, Reply)
I will make a point of googling all that as and when I have time
cheers m8
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:29, Reply)
My only other advice would be not to choose one that's based in a five-eyes nation (like PIA); Panama has rather accommodating laws for this sort of thing.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:34, Reply)
I'm currently with PIA
And now I'm worried. Thanks.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:38, Reply)
I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure T-May will demand some batshit mental ban on vpn's or demand key escrow soon enough.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:40, Reply)
This is interesting and dead useful.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:10, Reply)
this made me chuckle
www.kentonline.co.uk/faversham/news/thieves-steal-entire-driveway-116973/
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:41, Reply)
haha
oh dear
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:43, Reply)
Didn't know Radio Rentals sold block paviers

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:44, Reply)
lessonlearned seems a tad bitter

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:53, Reply)
Some day a real rain will come and wash the skum off the streets.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:55, Reply)
Today is going from bad to worse.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:46, Reply)
?

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:50, Reply)
explain

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:52, Reply)
you lando

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:52, Reply)
calrissian

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:04, Reply)
when Gerald was there you were amusedly annoyed, now you're apoplectic
so really, you just need Gerald back
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:53, Reply)
Did Gerald get sacked?

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:53, Reply)
he took early retirement after complaining to HR that windy was a drug dealer

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:16, Reply)
I recall the whole dope dealing saga - didn't realise that he had been given the old heave ho!
Ha the spineless cunt.

I miss his hilarious escapades though.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:18, Reply)
well you know what they say
Once you've had Gerald, you never go berald
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:56, Reply)
I think what I need is some time off.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:10, Reply)
b3ta?

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:25, Reply)
haven't you got any holiday saved up?
Or tell your boss you're having trouble at home and need a few days' breather.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:26, Reply)
You'd better go home before they nick your driveway.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:57, Reply)
are you feeling
MURDEROUS?
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:15, Reply)
Someone said to me the other day "christmas has come round really quickly this year"
that sort of thing annoys me. I know it shouldn't, but it really does
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:27, Reply)
they mean that santa wanked on their face while they slept

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:30, Reply)
What's your stance on 'it's getting lighter in the evenings'?

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:31, Reply)
That doesn't bother me so much
I mean, it's a boring thing to say, don't get me wrong. It's just conversational filler. But at least you can see when the evenings are getting lighter. Christmas comes round at the same speed every fucking year.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:33, Reply)
See also: Easter is early/late this year

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:34, Reply)
I don't really pay any attention to when Easter is now I'm not at school/don't have kids at school.
I get floating bank holidays so it just passes me by really.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:35, Reply)
That's different

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:42, Reply)
Oh, I know
It's just a boring thing to say
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:45, Reply)
I usually respond to this sort of thing with a non-plussed 'mmhm'.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:46, Reply)
I've had an unusually busy November, so it did feel like December had arrived early.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:47, Reply)
I just got charged a tenner for a scale and polish at the dentists.
Seems a bit cheap. Scottish NHS is better than English NHS I reckon.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Then NHS doesn't pay for your dental treatment if you're an adult.
Last time I went to the dentist, they recommended I see their hygienist. Not making that mistake again.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:46, Reply)
Yeah, fuck that.
But the costs seem a lot lower than in England.

www.scottishdental.org/public/treatment-charges/
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:48, Reply)
Fair enough.
Bloke I work with goes to Poland for all his dental needs, as it is stupidly cheap out there, apparently.
Grrry must have lovely teeth.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:50, Reply)
Yeah, my mate went to Romania to get implants, said it was like a dental hotel.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:51, Reply)
Ooh,
fancy!
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:56, Reply)
yeah, I think it cost me about 50 quid to have a cracked molar rebuilt
and a tenner for a wisdom tooth extraction. Scale and Polish was still a tenner though.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 11:55, Reply)
Scale and Polish with a long 'o', presumably.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:24, Reply)
amateur

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 12:07, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:02, Reply)
MOOPO

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:19, Reply)
not for me thanks, I'm full

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:21, Reply)
Righto
I can't see a thing, broke my glasses on Monday night, so work's going to be fun for the next couple of days
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:23, Reply)
I thought all sensible blindos carried a spare pair

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:26, Reply)
Only had the one pair, not making that mistake again

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:47, Reply)
Morning.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:40, Reply)
alright Windy

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:40, Reply)
No mate.
But it's a long whinging story that I can't be bothered to type.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:45, Reply)
^king of the delta bloos

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:45, Reply)
Peng of the delta poopos

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:11, Reply)
I got your back m8

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:51, Reply)
I might kill today.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:24, Reply)
weapon of choice?

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:27, Reply)
Shit song. Stupid video. Made by a cunt.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:34, Reply)
Norman Cook is sound as a pound actually
I warmed up for him at a club in Farringdon once and got talking to him about a remix he did in the 80s of an Eric B & Rakim tune. The next week he gave me a copy, it's superb:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dUa_Bvta-4
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:40, Reply)
but yes, shit song, stupid video.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:41, Reply)
Are we talking about the one with Christopher Walken, flying around a hotel lobby?
Because, if so, it has Christopher Walken, flying around a hotel lobby.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:42, Reply)
that's the one.
Shit song, stupid video.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:43, Reply)
Christopher.
Walken.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:45, Reply)
*shrugs*

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:46, Reply)
Christopher.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:25, Reply)
Walken.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:26, Reply)
Thair MAI fucken cresps
#WalkensCrisps
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:36, Reply)
hahaha

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:38, Reply)
Well that's me told.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:09, Reply)
if you warmed up for Norman Cook
I'm referring to you as Richard Sous-chef from now on
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:42, Reply)
If you insist.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:44, Reply)
He's Zoe Ball's fluffer.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:44, Reply)
I trod on her hand in Camden once.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:46, Reply)
Yeah? Well, I walked past Jeremy Paxman in Oxford once.
He's pretty tall in the flesh.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:50, Reply)
My favourite one of these was when I saw the presenter of Get Stuffed (member?) on Poland Street
Some chap unloading a lorry also clocked him and called out 'get stuffed!', at which the presenter turned round, beaming at being recognised, and gave a double thumbs up. 'you're a fucking CUNT', said lorry man. The crestfallen look on his face was priceless.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:56, Reply)
That is the best website I've ever seen
getstuffed.info
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:59, Reply)
dear oh dear

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:03, Reply)
Wow.
I wonder who's still paying the hosting fees for a website that was created in 1995.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:07, Reply)
Me

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:13, Reply)
Wow, it might actually be even worse than I remember
www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3jJb9TgJcg
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:01, Reply)
It's like some timewarp back to 80s community television projects
was it filmed on a Sony Camcorder?
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:04, Reply)
Quite possibly
It was on at about one o'clock in the morning, alongside the brilliant N Sign Radio with Tim Westwood.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:06, Reply)
Hi

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:45, Reply)
well met, Richard

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:50, Reply)
ugh™

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 7:55, Reply)
fuck off and take your sheepskin boots with you, you pumpkin-spiced twat

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:01, Reply)
NOH. It is YUH who are morning. YUH.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:16, Reply)
I am morning without u, m8
with u I mourn, for the deth of gud toimes and joly japes
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:19, Reply)
Dis touches me nuh.
Is there a quicker way of setting up PayPal than spending 1-2 business days to transfer money into your account after having already waited 3 business days for your bank to add PayPal as a beneficiary?
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:23, Reply)
No
also, fuck Paypal up the arse sideways
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:24, Reply)
Yeah, they don't exactly seem eager for people to use their 'services'.
I just thought, now that I have an actual salary for the first time in a decade, that I'd get myself an icon for the festive season.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:29, Reply)
Using visa and PayPal together is a very safe way for transactions

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:40, Reply)
if you're buying
if you're selling it's an absolute cunt
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:43, Reply)
I wouldn't know, but I'd rather pay 5 grand over PayPal than bank transfer

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:44, Reply)
GAYpal more like!

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:41, Reply)
Best of all the pals.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:44, Reply)
i think PipePal is great
mainly used by plumbers and crack whores tho
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:55, Reply)
Don't settle for inexperienced whores with no training.
Insist on crack whores, for your money's worth.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:04, Reply)
In 1972, a crack whore unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These women promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government they survive as ladies of easy virtue. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The Pay-Team
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:12, Reply)
I like this.
Also, if someone actually made this series, I would definitely watch it.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:21, Reply)
I aint fuckin' on no plane
fool
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:27, Reply)
I love it when a flange comes together.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:36, Reply)
Innit

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:20, Reply)
fair peng, blud

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:24, Reply)
morning
opioids dont half bung you up...
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:33, Reply)
oof, is the pain that bad?

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:33, Reply)
It was
my gp took one look at the xray and prescribed me a months worth! im not taking them until bed now tho. not liking.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:52, Reply)
Yeah mon

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:40, Reply)
nah mate, it's weds
ffs get a calendar
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:43, Reply)
Narrowly avoided sleeping on the sofa, last night.
Might have got a lie in, if I had.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:43, Reply)
i slept on the sofa
that way i can sleep in a nest that keeps me on my back and stops me going on my side.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 8:58, Reply)
What was the argument that nearly sent you to the sofa
And how wrong were you on a scale of 1 to 10
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:17, Reply)
Got displaced by a sick child.
Don't think we've ever argued to the point where I've been kicked out.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:30, Reply)
After a bed wetting incident at one of our all-day darts tourneys my mates missus used to make him sleep in the spare bedroom.
Which meant at a subsequent all-day darts tourney he got up in the middle of the night and took and took the wrong sequence of turns to the bathroom and pissed on their lounge floor.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:37, Reply)
My friend Paul pissed all over his sleeping parents once

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:39, Reply)
I once pissed in the bin, half asleep, half pissed
I remember doing it, but assumed it was a dream. I was wrong.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:42, Reply)
I did that, but replace 'bin' with 'laptop that had been annoying me'.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:47, Reply)
Thing is, if you look at any laptop troubleshooting guides
at no point will it say "do NOT piss on the unit if it annoys you". The way I see it, you had no other choice.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:58, Reply)
Wetware dongle, lol

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:18, Reply)
I know someone who did that as well.
When his mum asked him what he was doing he said 'washing my hands, what does it look like'.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:47, Reply)
Another of my pals passed out in a room full of people.
At one point he stood up, opened a drawer and started to undo his jeans. 'Rob, what the fuck are you doing?' asked the host.

'Don't worry' he replied conspiratorially, 'everyone's doing it'
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:51, Reply)
haha, I wasn't there at the time, but several of my mates witnessed a mate passed out on the sofa piss himself with such ferocity it came out of his jeans in an arc and hit a lass on the arm who was sat on the floor below.

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:54, Reply)
understood "floor" as "storey" there

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:19, Reply)
Glad I'm not the only one.
For a moment I was about to post something lolwakki about a mate getting up in the middle of the night while asleep at a party and pissing so hard that he bored a hole straight through the kitchen wall.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 10:22, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:55, Reply)
lol, wee-wee!

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:52, Reply)
#BrexitMeansBrexit

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:56, Reply)
Morninging
Global warming eh eh eh. But seriously a 13 degrees day in DECEMBER.
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:16, Reply)
Dunno, we've had mental snow here and it's the same latitude as Cambridge

(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 9:25, Reply)
POOPO

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:45, Reply)
My god, you're right

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 21:10, Reply)
"My God, it's full of poopo!"

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:06, Reply)
"Poopo extends life. Poopo expands consciousness.
THE POOPO MUST FLOW!"
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:28, Reply)
poopo means poopo

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 21:21, Reply)
I still see this as coppers as I read it wrong the first time I saw it and it tattooed my brain

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 21:24, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Poopó
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 21:33, Reply)
That's my holiday booked

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 21:55, Reply)
To learn all about the Wankarani culture?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:08, Reply)
No

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:10, Reply)
What's wrong? Feeling a bit salty?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:12, Reply)
Too late
It's dried up :(
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:22, Reply)
Who started all this poopo rubbish, and what's it all about?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 21:40, Reply)
Me.
Dunno
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:10, Reply)
Oh OK.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:19, Reply)
jews
9/11
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:12, Reply)
well duh

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 22:19, Reply)

shawnzagorec@gmail.com
(, Wed 7 Dec 2016, 0:16, Reply)
Sole kitchen thread

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:46, Reply)
AT LAST

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:48, Reply)
I don't eat fish nor do I cook

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:49, Reply)
how much do you pay for your hash, can I ask?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:51, Reply)
I don't really know, I just buy 60 quids worth at a time off the k,must be just over an Oz I assume

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:00, Reply)
I want to get mebbe half a bar for xmas but due to politics I can't deal with my source any more
I'm reduced to buying shit twenty bags from estate kids
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:14, Reply)
This sort of silly nonsense is why I'd like to see drugs being sold legally - there's a massive amount of potential tax revenue going to waste.
On the other hand, you're breaking the law, so I'm glad you're finding the whole process inconvenient. Filthy hop-head.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:19, Reply)
bit hash m8

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:49, Reply)
I can't believe the USA of all countries is ahead of us on this, it's embarrassing

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:18, Reply)
It is pathetic, we have borders we can control better, could issue licences, I think it's the anti smoking lobby and remainers shitting on great Britain

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:29, Reply)
With the fella I buy of at the minute I couldn't risk a lot, he don't smoke really and sells at cost , ain't had a bad bit, but some oh ok bits , been a year now but I'm not sure I'd want the grief backing it as he's a good mate, dunno why he buys a k,
Think it's so his wholesalers think he's a player, it's the Rizla fella
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:53, Reply)
Yeah fair enough

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:32, Reply)
^justeat's best customer

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:17, Reply)
Hushpuppies?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:50, Reply)
The best plaice to eat

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:50, Reply)
Shoe Inn was a much better name :(

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:51, Reply)
No m8

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:51, Reply)
He's right, and you know it.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:14, Reply)
#solekitchenkru4lyf

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:18, Reply)
#shoeinn4sho'

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:19, Reply)
clickin dis
Hey, just to add to the misery of our work Christmas Party we're doing a secret santa and I've got to buy a present for the 17 year old daughter of one of my colleagues.
Anyone know what 17 year old girls like?
Supposed to be 5 quid budget but I'll stretch to a tenner.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:12, Reply)
Morning after pill

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:14, Reply)
Diamond White.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:15, Reply)
One up the gary

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:17, Reply)
A wrap of whizz and two trips

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:18, Reply)
Sexting.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:22, Reply)
£5 woolwrths voucher
for to byu the latest now thats what i calll music tape
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:31, Reply)
This one maybe?
www.nowmusicstore.com/*/2016/Now-That-s-What-I-Call-Disney-Princess/5CEC0AWR000
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:34, Reply)
2 blow jobs.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:31, Reply)
Buy yourself a Jimmy Savile costume and tell her that's her present.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 18:49, Reply)
A fourpenny-one up the bracket

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:21, Reply)
Dunno, ask me in 3 years :(

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:32, Reply)
Fiver scratchcard.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:33, Reply)
Anal.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:45, Reply)
People to treat them as an individual rather than buying generic, cliched tat

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:57, Reply)
alt: 5x Poundland gift voucher

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:00, Reply)
Poundgland more like

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:14, Reply)
So, anal.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:31, Reply)
Individual, considerate anal
with conversation afterwards and everything
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:53, Reply)
subscription to just 17 magazine

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:11, Reply)
I just got 2 12 packs of warburtons crumpets knocked down to 10p a pop. It's improved a shit day no end.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:33, Reply)
Sainers own brand is better.
/opinions
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:01, Reply)
are you going to eat 24 crumpets in one day?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:18, Reply)
I've done 8 before. Unsurprisingly I did not cook my dinner that night.
Frozen one pack. The rest will last a couple of days.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 21:14, Reply)
i must have missed something here

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 20:10, Reply)
Hi Gaes! Internet legendary contributor Richard here!
LOL!!
Not really
Legendary... More like leg and dairy LOL

How's your Tuesday been?
Any delightful evening plans?

Lovely.

What's your go to Christmas song?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:48, Reply)
fucking hell Jason

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:49, Reply)
Love you bbz

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:50, Reply)
Anything by Chris Rea

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:52, Reply)
Lovely bit of Road to Hell to get you in the mood

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:29, Reply)
Leg and dairy? What's that, a turkey drumstick and a glass of milk?
Yer not even making any sense, man.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:52, Reply)
Getting a copy of the Christmas Radio Times on the way home
To scrawl over and select many programmes to try and watch while the in-laws talk incessantly over the top.
And the Phil Spector Christmas album. All of it
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:55, Reply)
Good shout on the Spector Chrimbo album.
I was going to write 'all christmas songs are shit apart from that one by Kurtis Blow', but now I'll have to rethink it.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:01, Reply)
we had Spector on whilst doing the tree on Sunday
Pwopah seasonal
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:22, Reply)
I love a bit of Ronettes/Crystals.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:24, Reply)
There are a couple of turkeys on that album actually
Lol turkeys
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:28, Reply)
Obv the last track
And Parade of the Wooden Soldiers could be skipped
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:30, Reply)
Currently working my way through Phil Spector - 'Back to Mono (1958-1969)'
That there is compilation you could live on.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:28, Reply)
Are you in the 90's?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:41, Reply)

the your
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:06, Reply)
Bit shit really. I forgot to go to the pie shop on the way to work so have been hungry, tired and moody ever since.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:02, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8022862
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:14, Reply)
look at this rattley old cunt
www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/crime/pensioner-spared-jail-after-fatally-reversing-over-92-year-old-1-7714689
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:21, Reply)
It sounds like a genuine accident.
But this is precisely why doddery old cunts shouldn't be driving and doctors are far too lenient in signing them off as fit to do so.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:26, Reply)
if it was an accident she wouldn't have pleaded guilty, the cunt failed to look in her mirrors

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:27, Reply)
"huh, my car's making an odd crunchy noise
I expect mashing the throttle down even harder will fix that"
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:42, Reply)
in a nissan micra of all things, not known for there blind spots or power

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:51, Reply)
That's why always slip the clutch a bit when reversing, for safety.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:54, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rcnwlyn_AnI
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:23, Reply)
Not really, the original obv

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:29, Reply)
my day's been chilly but fine
i plan to relax, watch telly and have a glass of wine.
go to christmas song is fairytale of new york
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:24, Reply)
Saved a tenner on my internet
Might put it towards netflix, see what all the fuss is about
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:29, Reply)
I'm happy to pay for netflix.
I don't feel guilty using kodi plugins to get content I could get if I paid for Now Tv because fuck sky and rupert murdoch.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:31, Reply)
Was looking into IPTV a few weeks ago
3000 for £8, a chunk of them in HD. It amazes me how this shit hasn't been clamped down upon. Then again, maybe old Rupe is reaping what he sowed when he paid for ITV Digitals encryption to be hacked.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:37, Reply)
What provider is that with?
I installed the pulse build on kodi and i've got most of the sky channels/sports in hd and bt sport. It cost me nothing.

SALTS/EXODUS will stream pretty much any tv show/film you throw at them. They've even got quantum leap hd remasters.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:41, Reply)
Rapid IPTV, but that is just one of hundreds

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:47, Reply)
Ah yeah. I can only assume it's a bit like the pyramid of piracy where some group rips most of them and charges a fee to people who then resell it.
I know a bloke who has one in his pub and the HD sky stream was only about a couple of seconds behind his sky box. I was impressed.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:50, Reply)
I keep meaning to install some plugins to my kodi installs,
but then I realise that, between Netflix, Amazon Prime, and whatever I've recorded off of Freeview, I have more things to watch than I do time to watch them in, so it probably isn't worth my dicking about on the sketchier areas of the internet.
Still, the important thing is I'm not paying Sky for the privilege of having them beam adverts into my gaff, so it's all good.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:07, Reply)
It's a piece of piss.
Install ares wizard then install PULSE CCM and it puts all the hooky shit straight on there.

I only really use it for stuff not on netflix (like most HBO stuff and films).

I used to want sky as a kid but whenever I go round a mates with sky and get given the remote I hop through about 50 channels and just give up because it's just more channels of absolute bollocks.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:08, Reply)
Yeah, I looked into it when I first set up the raspberry pi,
but I don't need it, so I haven't bothered. £60 The for pre-loaded kodi firetv stick makes me laugh, though. Paying for pirate TV seems to be self defeating.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:16, Reply)
Card sharing is another one, £80 a year to have access to a server that'll decode all the sky channells.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:58, Reply)
There's some good stuff on there actually
I don't watch much telly at all but even so I have no problem chucking a tenner at the old netters.

That's right: netters.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:36, Reply)
There's some good classic noirs on there at the minute. Double Indemnity, Touch of Evil, etc.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:47, Reply)
I really enjoyed Mind of a Chef
There are loads of episodes, too
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:49, Reply)
Even better now you can download.
Im watching Luke Cage at the minute, if you're into all that Marvel shite. It's OK
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:44, Reply)
I've only watched a few episodes but I liked that Jessica Jones, it was nice and noiry rather than just another prick in a leotard.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:45, Reply)
I thought Jessica Jones started off good and ended up unwatchably shit due to the devastating combination of a ludicrous plot and that uber-ham Tennant

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:48, Reply)
I don't like David Tennant.
Might not continue with it if it descends into bollocks then. I'm not that into this comic book stuff.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:51, Reply)
i like him
but then, you're not of the titted variety
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:56, Reply)
I can't comment on the phwoar factor, but he overacts like a school play hambone

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:58, Reply)
I can only assume that when Christopher Eccleston (who I don't mind) left Dr Who, they cast someone who looked vaguely like him without bothering to check if he could act.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:00, Reply)
Eccleston is a humourless turd irl

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:04, Reply)
I can believe that. He always seemed to have a strop and sack off his roles.
Cracker being a prime example.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:06, Reply)
I saw him interviewed when he was doing Dr Whom
Honestly you'd think it was King Lear, the pompous twat.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:07, Reply)
Nicholas Lindhurst was like that.
You were in Goodnight Sweetheart m8.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:11, Reply)
'I really don't see my Rodney saying that line, ok?'
Helmit.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:12, Reply)
yeah but dalton was the best bond because humourless

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:08, Reply)
The northern Bond.
The northern Bond who started crying.


'Closest to Fleming's Bond' my gaping shitchute.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:10, Reply)
If anything the film bonds could have done with more casual racism and misogyny

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:14, Reply)
Rodger Moore strikes me as the one most likely to be cracking racist jokes down the golf club.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:15, Reply)
<s> one off over his +s

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:19, Reply)
Live and Let Die is the best Bond film therefore old Rog *must* be the best Bond

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:20, Reply)
or moonraker

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:27, Reply)
And a BONFAIL from The Usually LOVELY Smashy too.
sadtimes.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:51, Reply)
Not saying 'You Only Live Twice'. Not preferring sexy Ding-a-likes over strong independant black women who don't need no Bond.
Not preferring sexy Ding-a-likes over strong independant black women who don't need no Bond.
BONDFAIL Beefy. BONDFAIL.
Plus there's the whole poster showing Connery's malformed feet thing too.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 19:51, Reply)
I could never get into bond.
I can watch some of the Connery ones and that, but I fail to see the obsession.

What I do like is the prospect of grown adults getting very upset at the mere suggestion of a Black Bond, or one with slightly different coloured hair.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:12, Reply)
Should have kept the cold war era setting rather than obsess about making sure the very latest smartphone is on display

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:17, Reply)
^^^

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:20, Reply)
They ruined it when he stopped wearing a military issue rolex

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:49, Reply)
I thought this was alright
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUSq0Lc6Q5k
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 21:03, Reply)
that can all be discounted when they're cute

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:00, Reply)
When you're playing a comic book villain, it's very important that you ham it up as much as possible.
Consequently, I thoroughly enjoyed him in Jessica Jones, even though, like Daredevil, it was bleak, depressing viewing.
Similarly, Vincent d'Onofrio is far and away the best thing in Daredevil, and it borders on unwatchable when he's not in it.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:12, Reply)
Daredevil was WAY better... Bit bleak, but awesome fight scenes
Jessica Jones is just one of The Defenders, so they had to shoehorn her in.

Iron Fist is next, that's all Martial Arts stuff. Right up your alley.
And Iron Fist up your alley
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:00, Reply)

Def B
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:21, Reply)
The music of Luke Cage is superb
Live acts and the general background stuff. Also, love the theme
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:48, Reply)

Cage Goss
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:50, Reply)
You little shit
*shakes fist*
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:04, Reply)
:))))

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:05, Reply)
Oh, and I like...
A Spaceman Came Travelling
Christmas Wrapping
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:42, Reply)
spaceman goes on for about six fucking months
just endless lalalalalalalalalalalala
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:57, Reply)
I prefer the Babylon Zoo cover version

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:59, Reply)
...to any other piece of music ever recorded

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:00, Reply)
Didn't the record company make the guy retroactively speed up the chorus off the back of the advert.
Gutted lol.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:00, Reply)
no idea, fuck me it's dreadful though eh

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:11, Reply)
oh aye.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:13, Reply)
Intergalactic SHIIIIIIIITE

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:01, Reply)
first ten seconds is great
then it goes downhill.
still, my current playlist has saxon, accept, iron maiden, ac/dc, supermen lovers, kirsty mccoll and the darkness on it, so i might not be the best person to be a music critic
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:03, Reply)
Have you seen the Saxon film? It's hilarious, well worth a look

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:12, Reply)
no, not seen that
i'll have a look for it later
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:16, Reply)
I actually chipped in to the crowdfunding of it based on the trailer

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:21, Reply)
cool

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:29, Reply)
I like the twinkly music and the lalalalalaaaaaaa bits.
So there!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:01, Reply)
fairytale of new york
is much better
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:07, Reply)
^looking for a little ro-marnce

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:38, Reply)
I like the bassline in 'Step Into Christmas'
but I like Nat King Cole's one, and Beach Boys Run, Run, Reindeer.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:06, Reply)
Blue Christmas by the King, obvs

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:11, Reply)
You are 100% poo

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:25, Reply)
tewn

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 17:39, Reply)
Got to be Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 21:30, Reply)
Yuletide is upon us again.
Before you are unleashed on your families for the non-denominational end-of-year meal of curry goat, does your place of work have any absurd traditions it forces on its employees to make sure they're feeling sufficiently festive? Or does the good cheer come from being able to blackmail your colleagues after filming them at the Christmas bash?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:43, Reply)
they insist that I get my little knoblet out and wrap some tinsle round it

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:48, Reply)
They're missing a trick there.
You could wrap it in bacon and make it look like one of those festive cocktail sausages.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:53, Reply)
good point
I'll bring that up at my EOY appraisal
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:57, Reply)
Eloi appraisal, more like, you Morlock.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:13, Reply)
woah
now that is an obscure joke
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:58, Reply)
HG Wells is obscure?
I'm more of a hipster than I thought.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:11, Reply)
In 2016, I'd say he's fairly obscure

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:20, Reply)
but still relevant?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:31, Reply)
You'd have to ask someone who cares

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:32, Reply)
i'd say so, it was 1980 when he won his 100m olympic gold

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:32, Reply)
hey. did you see that swansea penalty?
is that allowed?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:40, Reply)
yes Manolith, even welsh players are allowed to take penalties
jeez
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:46, Reply)
i assumed they'd been penalised enough

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:10, Reply)
lol 'penalised'

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:45, Reply)
charity game

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:48, Reply)
i'm probably the only person who cares, but this website highlights how my beloved charlton have been wrecked
www.gettingtoknowthenetwork.com/the-emails/
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:53, Reply)
ohhhh

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:09, Reply)
this is what happens when you get all your information from gifs

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:10, Reply)

gi ta
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:13, Reply)
they want to start having appraisals here
this can only be a bad thing
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:37, Reply)
the worst bit about it (for me, at least)
is that most of it is about how I think I'm doing.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:59, Reply)
I know that feeling. I always shit it and think i'm going to get found out.
Then it turns out everyone's quite happy with me.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:01, Reply)
^ tggi

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:27, Reply)
Every night, from my nan.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:27, Reply)
oh man, that guy has always had it in for you

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:33, Reply)
I can't be 100% certain
but I think he's after my job
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:34, Reply)
he's had his eye on your wife as well

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:36, Reply)
I don't mind that so much
it's flattering, if anything
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:46, Reply)
I don't think she likes him anyway

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:49, Reply)
few do

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:50, Reply)
my consulting agency tries to promote get-togethers and christmas dinners
I can only imagine how awkward it would be to have a few hundred IT developers, none of whom have ever physically met before, all gathered in some city restaurant under the gentle shepherding of a minimum wage HR intern.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:51, Reply)
FFS
Someone should explain to HR the concept of LAN parties.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:53, Reply)
Is it a paid for bar?
If so, suck it up, if not fuck it off.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:22, Reply)
Our work stopped paying for the bar and only stumped up for the meal. Nobody went.
Now we have a lunch in work time. I'm not going to it.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:36, Reply)
Strange, that.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:44, Reply)
Im not going to the Christmas bash this year, nor am I visiting family.
I truly have lucked out!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:56, Reply)
You really have.
How did you manage that one, then?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:56, Reply)
Christmas is never really a big thing.
We send gifts and I go see them in the new year.

Works do... I lied and told them I was going home.
Hurrah!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:15, Reply)
I have to drive 300km across the frozen wastes on Christmas Eve
eat some cabbage dumplings, have a snooze, then drive all the way home again the next day.

What a waste of fuel.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:57, Reply)
That's a shit Christmas dinner M8

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:15, Reply)
too fucking right
I like Polish food, but Polish christmas dinner is the most soul destroying "meal" ever cuisined.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:16, Reply)
I love Polish sausage
No pun intended...
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:29, Reply)
That's a bit like saying "English tea"
there's a million types of sausage here, some delish, some rank.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:33, Reply)
Kabanos etc... The smoked variety

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:34, Reply)
Kabanos are good, they're like pepparami but not revolting.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:43, Reply)
Try and find some
Mysliwska then. It's like a kabanos, but normal sausage sized.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:47, Reply)
I think the Dorby near my old flat did that. They had an entire fridge dedicated to sausages and a deli counter.
There's a massive eastern european supermarket near my new flat that I haven't gone in yet.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:50, Reply)
You can't even get smashed on christmas day to make up for it. FYL.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:33, Reply)
nah, I'll get home for Christmas afternoon
open a bottle of Talisker and flick Vs at the rest of the planet
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:34, Reply)
There's something vaguely sacrilegious about getting smashed on Talisker.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:48, Reply)
how so?
It's just booze
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:14, Reply)
Because it's too good to drink in quantity.
I'll happily have one or two glasses of the stuff so I can really savour it, then get smashed on something less nice.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:19, Reply)
I don't like getting smashed
I just like consuming things I find tasty, so if I get smashed it's a byproduct, not the end game.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:30, Reply)
^2 cans grrry

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:33, Reply)
I thought it was 3
is this a joke with diminishing returns or something?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:37, Reply)
^ despite being a massive lightweight, you've got the right idea

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:30, Reply)
i insist i wear a christmas jumper everyday and wank myself off after the christmas party

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:57, Reply)
I reckon your christmas jumper
is just a green sweatshirt over a red t-shirt, so that you can pretend all the blim burns are festive baubles
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:58, Reply)

g01.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1wouiNVXXXXavXpXXq6xXFXXX7/Christmas-font-b-Jumpers-b-font-Men-Hoodie-Funny-3D-Print-font-b-Cats-b-font.jpg
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:09, Reply)
Oh, man.
Where can I find one of these? Perhaps this is one of the fashion items Richard ordered online this morning.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:12, Reply)
t3h k1tt3h

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:48, Reply)
This shirt has been recurring far too often in my life recently
I think that might be a sign I should get it, it'll go with my other cat top I guess
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:52, Reply)
is it a 'top cat' cat top?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 16:17, Reply)
I don't wanna have to visit my parents.
But they don't believe me when I tell them I died.
:(
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:11, Reply)
do they make you wear the hat you got in your christmas cracker?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:17, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:35, Reply)
"Come on son, say it"
"Dad. I don't want to."
"Oh come on soooon, you've driven all this way, you might as well say it."
"Mum, no. I'm an adult now, there are no kids here, I'm not saying it."
"Stuj, stop it, it's Christmas for heaven's sake, stop being such a drama student and say what's on the paper so that I can go and heat up the christmas pudding."

"Fine. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he had no body to go with. HAPPY NOW?"

*stuj's parents chortle with glee, while stuj drains his beer and rolls his eyes in contempt*
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:51, Reply)
I have a tradition at my mother's at Christmas
whereby I pretend my cracker joke is something that sounds like it's going to be really offensive, she bites every time

'A white man, a black man and an asian walk into a...'

'OH RICHARD NOT AGAIN'
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:59, Reply)

's s'
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:32, Reply)
^^^
I might invent a girlfriend next year.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:19, Reply)
It's useful for when you don't feel ready to come out.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:22, Reply)
If they won't believe me when I tell them I died, how is telling them that my imaginary girlfriend died going to be more convincing?
I mean I suppose I could kill my real one, but I don't really want to.yet
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:38, Reply)
you've got a GIRLFRIEND?
I am in shock.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:52, Reply)
Last year one of our very mild-but-over-the-top-anxious devs
Was balling to the secretary he was deeply unhappy in his marriage, even though he'd only been married about 4 months. There isn't one of these that goes by without some emotional car crash happens.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:22, Reply)
Forgot the bit where he got drunk-rapey on the said 50 yr old sec
Just ugh
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:25, Reply)
Bawling?
Because that doesn't like the behaviour of a true baller.

West side. *Gang signs*.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:27, Reply)
We just sort of go out.
Just kind of email each other and organise little get-togethers. Management only get involved if they're invited.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:28, Reply)
Oh man, I always get lumped with the fucking tree.
Just ONCE I'd like an angel God damn it :(
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:30, Reply)
nobody tell him

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:36, Reply)
You could change it

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:36, Reply)
ha HA
SCREW YOU MANOLITH
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:38, Reply)

:)
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:38, Reply)
change it in your profile then, you div

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:37, Reply)

i e
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:02, Reply)
we're going for our annual pub lunch this Friday
as it is all paid for I intend to drink as much as I possibly can to get my money's worth
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:35, Reply)
And now harry grouts dead

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:40, Reply)
I really hope this is the tiler who drinks in your pub
rather than the famous actor
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:42, Reply)
Nah the actor, I don't know any Harry's

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:44, Reply)
That'll bugger up the next series of Game Of Thrones.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:34, Reply)
we don't have an xmas do
Lucky really as this year half the attendees would be about to get the old tin tack
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:50, Reply)
Have a party and announce it then...
Complete with confetti cannons.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 13:57, Reply)
You're all *BOOM*
FIRED!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:01, Reply)
WOOOO!!! YEAH!!!!
...



...

What?

*Simply having a wonderful Christmastime* blares from speakers
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:10, Reply)
"you have 10 minutes to vacate the premises before I release the hounds"

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:12, Reply)

and by hounds, I refer to drunk admin girls
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:15, Reply)
Are you still going to commandeer the stereo system and play "Who Let The Dogs Out?"?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:24, Reply)
absolutely
before handing over to MC Tricky Dicky
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:30, Reply)
Does he share a flat with Devastatin' Dave the Turntable Slave?
There's a pub in the town centre called The Lucky Ducky, which is astoundingly not a gay pub.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 14:33, Reply)
I'm proper moody today, yet I'm not sure why.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 15:10, Reply)
I just did the sort of shit that felt like I was being turned inside out

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:06, Reply)
cool

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:07, Reply)
I knew you'd like it m8
I couldn't think of an associated question though
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:10, Reply)
I'm filled with nervous apprehension
my youngest had some winter vomiting/poopo virus at the weekend, my wife had it last night, it can only be a matter of time for me
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:12, Reply)
You are especially vulnerable given your wet and weedy diet

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:23, Reply)
Now now, I made chana masala last night. It was nang and costs fuck all to make.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:25, Reply)
I have a tarka dal recipe which is my go-to skint recipe
It's fackin' lavly and costs bugger all, and can be whipped up with cupboard ingredients bar one or two.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:27, Reply)
This is the same, I have most of the stuff already.
I made curried lentil soup for lunch this week as well. Gufftastic.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:29, Reply)
just filling in this chevron

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:33, Reply)
yeah a vegetable based diet is notoriously unhealthy

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:32, Reply)
correct
www.healthguidance.org/entry/11183/1/Disadvantages-of-Being-a-Vegetarian.html
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:40, Reply)
I'll have you know that I have an entirely vegetarian day about twice a week
and the other day I managed to lift a car right up above my head! Then, I ran a thousand miles! A thousand! Without even breaking a sweat.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:41, Reply)
ok now I'm interested

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:45, Reply)
The advantage is being able to do the sort of guffs that could blow a dog off a chain.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:51, Reply)
seems like a legitimate source
let's see what other opinions they have:
www.healthguidance.org/entry/17759/1/What-Is-Frankincense-Good-For-Health-Benefits-of-Frankincense-Oil.html
www.healthguidance.org/entry/17660/1/Natural-Earth-Grown-Supplements-That-Improve-Brain-Power.html
www.healthguidance.org/entry/16578/1/Mindfulness-Meditation-Could-Improve-Your-Empathy.html
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:54, Reply)
I've a policy of not clicking any links that have words like 'mindfulness' in them.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:56, Reply)
are you not interested in improving your empathy?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:02, Reply)
I just don't like the term.
It's like someone's gone 'hmm, it seems there's too much of a crusty image with meditation, let's apply a bullshit officespeak term instead, that's much better'.

Plus, the fact there's an entire industry in selling people means to retune themselves into believing everything is fine suggests that everything is not fine with modern living. So there.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:06, Reply)
^upset

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:57, Reply)
too weak to be upset m8
I still don't buy the evangelical vegetarian myth though, I've never tried to persuade others to change their diets, but I frequently have omnivores telling me I should change mine
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:01, Reply)
It's because they think you look a bit pasty.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:02, Reply)
I tell people I'm doing nutrient deficiency IRONICALLY.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:04, Reply)
^ anaemic

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:07, Reply)
chundertow more like

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:09, Reply)
Fateralus

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:17, Reply)
Yours probably looks the same going in as it does out.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:24, Reply)
I did one earlier that looked like it came out of a broken mr whippy machine.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:23, Reply)
I've been naughty and ordered two t shirts as presents for myself today
Naughty Richard.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:25, Reply)
Do they feature pictures of wolves, wearing trainers?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:27, Reply)
no m8

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:28, Reply)
I just treated myself to the Paris, Texas soundtrack.
It's done by Ry Cooder and has a lovely version of Blind Willie Johnson's - Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:28, Reply)
Ry Cooder is vg, his work on the Performance soundtrack is exemplary

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:28, Reply)
ps lol willie

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:29, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:30, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:30, Reply)
One of my main memories of Ry is my dad playing a record of his with a really warbly version of He'll Have to Go on it.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:32, Reply)
cf. Safe as Milk

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:34, Reply)
I love that LP.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:34, Reply)
I have it, but only played it once

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:36, Reply)
Didn't get into his other stuff, but I do like that one a lot.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Trout Mask Replica is a load of wank

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:41, Reply)
The story surrounding it is a lot more interesting than the record.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:42, Reply)
well I like it

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:09, Reply)
Ry Cooder is the man.
The "Paris, Texas" soundtrack was also a memorable part of the soundtrack of my childhood, since my dad loves it as well.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:37, Reply)

The "Paris, Texas" soundtrack anal sex with livestock
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:42, Reply)
Can that be said to be a soundtrack?
I've always thought of it as a broader multimedia experience.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:56, Reply)
I have not poo today.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:32, Reply)
I have just
it was on quick-notice before i got in the shower
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:24, Reply)
great thread, shit , foood and music, we are all winners here

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:32, Reply)
pooo

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:35, Reply)
don't blame me for the food and music, I didn't start that toss

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:35, Reply)
please sir! please sir! it was gormo what started both of them sir!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:37, Reply)
*throws grrry's bags on the huts*

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:40, Reply)
mods, rogue one spoiler

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:14, Reply)
top ten threads of 2016, easy

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:36, Reply)

All it needs now is a bit of this.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:41, Reply)
I enjoy reading about other peoples shit shittyarse kids

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:42, Reply)

i.imgur.com/hvDQ1vl.gifv
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:48, Reply)
here
this might help
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:57, Reply)
dawww

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:00, Reply)
see I don't really care for cats
but it's all part of /talk's rich tapestry
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:02, Reply)
oh hahahahahahahahahaha

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:11, Reply)
alright 'diana ross'

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:44, Reply)
it definitely felt like a chain reaction

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:47, Reply)
Touch cloth in the morning
then just wipe away
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:54, Reply)
that thread ran out of steam

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:27, Reply)
odd that

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:37, Reply)
ho ho ho
merry christmas
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:36, Reply)
oh shit

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:40, Reply)
I'm a fucking fairy
click THAT
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:41, Reply)

click and you can't teach
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:41, Reply)
aren't they angels?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:49, Reply)
what the fuck do I know?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:50, Reply)

where to buy novelty t-shirts
the chords to most Queen songs
how to bake some cakes
the darker side of Portsmouth
how to apply clown make-up
er
that's it
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:07, Reply)
you've covered most of it, I won't lie

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:11, Reply)
don't forget his extensive knowledge of The Blade

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:15, Reply)
^audacious

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:16, Reply)
Also
www.portsmouth.co.uk/business/decision-imminent-over-elegance-lapdancing-club-s-albert-road-move-1-7713423
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:37, Reply)
it's such a classy looking place
who WOULDN'T want it on their doorstep?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:39, Reply)
I know, right?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:41, Reply)
I'm sure there was a club with a rock night near that place.
I remember the rock night closing early and we ended up in there for a bit and it was grim.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:51, Reply)
The oil industry means Aberdeen has a large stripping industry.
So large in fact there's a 'Private Eyes' and a 'Private Eyes 2'.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 12:01, Reply)

Albert Rd quirky?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:00, Reply)
masterful

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:19, Reply)
hey Dual Hats
I'm a fairy too, tee-hee
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:36, Reply)
Coo-ee!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:36, Reply)
let's not braid each other's golden hair tho, that's too much for my liking

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:38, Reply)
It's no laughing matter m8

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:44, Reply)
i was merely discussing prostitutes

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:45, Reply)

cuss sect
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:48, Reply)
oh

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:51, Reply)
well no-one will tell me how 'sex' works so i thought i'd have a look at the bits myself

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:03, Reply)
When a mummy and a daddy love each other very much,
the daddy waits until the mummy is asleep, then rubs his winky until he has to clean up the mess.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:05, Reply)

http://b3ta.com/talk/8023362
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:15, Reply)
ooooooooooooooooooo i've got a tree!
I like this!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:46, Reply)
i've got the tree-ee, i've got the secret

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:05, Reply)
run run Rudolph

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:46, Reply)
I need a fucking grinch icon or some shit

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:47, Reply)
Don't worry - normal icons will be back soon.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:48, Reply)
define "soon"

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:48, Reply)
Are you the son and the heir?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:55, Reply)
of absolutely nothing, yeah

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:59, Reply)

yeah SAY IT AGAIN
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:12, Reply)
soon
ADVERB

1
  In or after a short time:
    ‘everyone will soon know the truth’
    ‘he'll be home soon’
    ‘they arrived soon after 7.30’


    1.1 Early:
    ‘how soon can you get here?’
    ‘it's a pity you have to leave so soon’
    ‘I wish you'd told me sooner’
    ‘it was too soon to know’


2   Used to indicate one's preference in a particular matter:
    ‘I'd just as soon Tim did it’
    ‘I'd sooner stay where I am’


Usage

In standard English the phrase no sooner is followed by than, as in we had no sooner arrived than we had to leave.
This is because sooner is a comparative, and comparatives are followed by than (earlier than; better than, and so on).
It is incorrect to follow no sooner with when rather than than, as in we had no sooner arrived when we had to leave

Origin

Old English sna ‘immediately’, of West Germanic origin.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:59, Reply)
well I'm taking the Old English origin as my starting point then

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:59, Reply)
it's missing a funny o with a line above it because the devs don't care about us

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:01, Reply)
i'll ask if yours can be left on all year

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:04, Reply)
maybe we can do a funding campaign to get another round of icons

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:05, Reply)
I wonder if we could get meldrew or an eeyore one for you.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:18, Reply)
my wife watched the first episode of One Foot in the Grave last week
and said that the car was "pretty cool". It was a fucking Hillman Avenger :(
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:33, Reply)
My mum's first car was a hillman avenger
she also had a green Morris Ital. The colour of which she described as being "somewhere between puke green and piss yellow"
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:36, Reply)
My dad used to describe his Allegro as 'pale dogshit yellow'
It was pretty much the colour all cars look under sodium lights all the time.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:48, Reply)
Happy spunkmass to all

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:48, Reply)
i know it's not politically correct to say this but i don't care if you're offended, merry xmas!!!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:49, Reply)
happy holidays!!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:50, Reply)
you're the reason people voted for trump and brexit
and also you are the real racist for telling people not to be racist
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:17, Reply)
thanks it's one of my proudest achievements

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:20, Reply)
I'm not being racist, but happy new year!!!!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:51, Reply)
I have LBGTQNFGN friends, and blacks, so it's OK for me to say 'season's greetings'

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:01, Reply)
CTHULHU LBGTQNFGN!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:03, Reply)
Bit exclusivist m8

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:05, Reply)
God* bless us, every one!
*Other deities may be available.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:57, Reply)
WHERE'S MY COCKING FUCKLIFT!?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:58, Reply)
You're going to need a
FUCKING COCKLIFT, depending on your centile
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:04, Reply)
Dunno about 16.3cm, but at least mine is odourless blue plastic.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:07, Reply)
^smurfkin

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:10, Reply)
That's the most unsurprising conclusion to a study evar.
The Grauniad should do an article next about how most people prefer weather slightly drier and warmer than the national average.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:17, Reply)
Generalising a bit there like
I fucking hate warm weather
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:05, Reply)
down the docks
LIKE YOUR NAN
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:07, Reply)
What should I buy my dad for christmas?
Don't want to spend much. About a tenner or so will do.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:15, Reply)
Slippers.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:18, Reply)
A humorous book to read when shitting
A decent pair of gloves
A new wallet
One of those cheap drones from Chinese ebay
A Lego, Mecchano or Airfix kit
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:19, Reply)
Gloves isn't a bad idea
cheers
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:20, Reply)

?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:19, Reply)
that's one of the worst things i've ever seen
well done
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:23, Reply)
We may have a contender for that title
www.thepresentfinder.co.uk/buy/fart-filtering-boxer-shorts_1194.htm
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:28, Reply)
and introducing
fart filterer... for her
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)
fuck

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:30, Reply)
Now, I know this may make me sound a little old fashioned
but what sort of woman would find that gift funny?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:30, Reply)
fuck filterer?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:30, Reply)

?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:32, Reply)

?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:35, Reply)
seamless!!!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:38, Reply)
I don't piss about, m8

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:39, Reply)
godfathers

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:24, Reply)
£10 worth of tinned beans

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:20, Reply)
this would totally confuse him
which is what makes it such a good idea
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:22, Reply)
cheapest i've found are 19p for a 415g tin
which means you can get 52 tins for less than a tenner, that's over 21 kilos of beans!!!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:27, Reply)
wow, 21 kilos
that's a lot of beans
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:28, Reply)
he'd be well set up for a classic comic relief bath of beans

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:30, Reply)
Comedy and charity
two things that he does not do
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:31, Reply)
that's over 3 stone, fact fans
c r
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:45, Reply)
20 bensons

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:20, Reply)
Christ is that how much tabs cost now?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:22, Reply)
he could use them as currency if he ever goes to jail, I suppose

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:23, Reply)
How about one of these 'hilarious' heynes manuals.
pbs.twimg.com/media/CysNXHUWQAA1W8g.jpg
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:21, Reply)
Not really his sense of humour
which is to say, he has no sense of humour
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:24, Reply)
Then they look like they'd be perfect.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:24, Reply)
true enough

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)

www.thepresentfinder.co.uk/dept/presents-for-difficult-dads!_d01104.htm
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:22, Reply)
Bottle of port.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:28, Reply)

rt opo
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:28, Reply)
He doesn't drink
if you can believe such a thing
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)
Bit of skag

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:29, Reply)
maybe just a little starter bag?
not a bad idea
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:32, Reply)
it would solve the problem for all subsequent christmases and birthdays

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:37, Reply)
does it not ever get affected by inflation?
when my mrs worked in Rugby in the late 90s almost any electrical item could be purchased for a tenner from an enterprising user hoping to fund the next fix
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:34, Reply)
the drug market has been stable since the 80's, if anything some have got cheaper, capitalism is great

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:43, Reply)
2 blow jobs.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:35, Reply)
oh come on now, really

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:37, Reply)
Does he not like them then?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:54, Reply)

Plenty of ideas on here.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:43, Reply)
i thought about linking that but then a lot of the stuff he links to is unjustifiably expensive

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:57, Reply)
Yes, a lot of it does fall foul of the tenner rule.
Some of the expensive things also seem to be listed solely because of their absurd price tag.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 11:08, Reply)
g'day

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 10:35, Reply)
morning
i had a accident and am broked
s18.postimg.org/63c24fivt/IMG_20161205_WA0003.jpg
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 6:48, Reply)
morning
you running this thread today then?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 6:59, Reply)
i got fuck all else to do
cant go to work
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:02, Reply)
urgh, just noticed, that's harsh
I have a recurring shoulder injury that's playing up this week, so I feel your pain in the very literal sense
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:14, Reply)
its rubbish
need better drugs
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:15, Reply)
now the shrugs don't work

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:39, Reply)
pfft!!!!!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:44, Reply)

___(ツ)_/¯
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:39, Reply)
Icons, icons, icons.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:42, Reply)
+rawhiiide

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:46, Reply)
He'

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:56, Reply)
on it

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:54, Reply)
Good lad.
I'll be sure to put in a good word with Rob when we do your appraisal.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:57, Reply)
it'll be about half an hour

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:00, Reply)
oh boy, it's not really xmas until the b3ta icons get turned on

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:08, Reply)
do you have to ask a bigger mod to do it?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:09, Reply)
well yeah, a dev

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:10, Reply)

e i
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:15, Reply)
we're all divs, here

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:24, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:11, Reply)
lel

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:40, Reply)
They just make it worse
And I, know I'll need a brace again
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:49, Reply)
yay!!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:59, Reply)
What did you do

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:40, Reply)
just cycling hme
went round corner road must have been greasy went down hard
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:41, Reply)
Ooh fuck
You'll be off that for a fair while I'd imagine
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:54, Reply)
weeks

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:08, Reply)
Get well soon Gary

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:42, Reply)
Ps morning

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:43, Reply)
stay safe kids
and try not to end up in lewisham a&e
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:43, Reply)

a&e
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:45, Reply)
tru dat

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:49, Reply)
d'aww

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 7:44, Reply)
Never mind that!
Where's all your skin gone????
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:01, Reply)
i do have a bit of road rash!
but the tattoo is covering the bruise
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:03, Reply)
Well, get well soon
And (puts on dad hat) be more careful in future, you dummy.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:04, Reply)
id hold my hands up if it was my fault
but i cant lift my arm so its not my fault
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:12, Reply)
^legally binding

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:27, Reply)
huh, turns out 'dad hats' are a thing
www.lids.com/dad-hats
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:06, Reply)
How dull
I was thinking of something more like this:

i.ytimg.com/vi/KgrrTAFfDW0/hqdefault.jpg
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:17, Reply)
What makes them "dad"?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:22, Reply)
who the fuck knows

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:35, Reply)
remember
gari died ages ago. now he's just a skellington riding a bike around
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:05, Reply)
Do you think he lives in a dark, dark house?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:19, Reply)
Not sure I know what I'm looking at, here.
Is that a dislocation?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:14, Reply)
complex fracture
im gonna need screwig
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:15, Reply)
shd look like this
auntlizzy.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/amys-asrt-shoulder.jpg
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:17, Reply)
Oh OK, I think I can see it now it's been pointed out.
The line across one the end of one of your shouldery bits, yeah? #notadoctor
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:18, Reply)
i dunno
its gonna need surgery and screws to fix may have to wait weeks ffs
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:23, Reply)
not 'til you're better, you randy old bender

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:19, Reply)
bugger

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:25, Reply)
NO, Gary.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:25, Reply)
denied

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:15, Reply)
Ooh, bugrit.
Get well soon and no more of this falling onto breakable parts of your anatomy at high speed. Also: morning.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:19, Reply)
previously i landed on my bottom
what is squishy and was bruised. that was 2012. got hit by stupid lady who was driving manual car with auto licence.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:22, Reply)
You see? That's much better.
If you end up in Lewisham A&E with a bruised arse, you're going to the wrong kind of parties.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:24, Reply)

or the right ones!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:30, Reply)
you've caught red dot?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:21, Reply)
my alter ego

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:24, Reply)
morning, sorry to hear about your idiocy :(
i got an email inviting me to a mandatory e-learning course on maintaining my mental health, it's nice to know my company care about me
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:23, Reply)

you're mad as hell and not going to take it any more
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:25, Reply)
yeah but how is your bike?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:41, Reply)
all fine
thanks!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:15, Reply)
Christ it's always 'me, me, me' with you, isn't it?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:30, Reply)
morning!

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:38, Reply)
hi gaz how are ya?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:48, Reply)
oh you know
could be worse
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:16, Reply)
I'm terrible at reading xrays, so I would advise that you walk it off.
Morning, all. I'm down to just 0.33333 of my children being home sick, today, and am probably going to drag her to IKEA as punishment.
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:31, Reply)

nothing that a cold shower cant fix. congtatulte your children for recovering except the other you must berate
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:39, Reply)
i broke so many bones growing up that i was told i was no longer allowed to have x rays at one point

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:40, Reply)
^ one step shy of becoming the hulk

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:43, Reply)
Alright, Wolverine.
Were you involved in an underground child Muay Thai ring?
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:45, Reply)
really? what the fuck were you doing?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:46, Reply)
broke a shoulder falling out of a tree, broke my leg after i fell off my bike when trying to ride it off a ramp
broke a finger by getting it caught in a cage fence while running, broke arms multiple times mostly due to football and so on
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:49, Reply)
I had a couple of minor scrapes as a lad but it seems I was actually pretty lucky, never broke anything

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:56, Reply)
drug habit financed by loan sharks

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:01, Reply)
got a concrete trampoline for christmas

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:02, Reply)
worked in an undertakers where the coffins were always too small

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:02, Reply)
To my eternal shame, I got this from 'I have read it on the internet' but it really has cracked me up
i.imgur.com/eyet86Z.gifv
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:36, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:41, Reply)
Lol

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:04, Reply)
Uuurgh

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:47, Reply)
tell me about it

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:50, Reply)
DIAGNOSIS: Your shoulder is wrong way round.
You're welcome
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:00, Reply)
Dick Van Dyke's less successfulzzzzz

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:03, Reply)
WebMD says it's cancer.

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:04, Reply)
oh 2 can :(
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/doctor-performed-oral-sex-patient-9398450
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:11, Reply)
*turns around*
im cured!!
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:17, Reply)
gariundead 2017 more like
*heals*
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:10, Reply)
here's hoping

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:18, Reply)
oh cool. the nhs has upgraded from windows xp then

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:15, Reply)
sill full of mentals and homeless
tho
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:18, Reply)
don't be fooled, it's os/2 in disguise

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:23, Reply)
Just overheard a tv ad that said
"Let's put Friz out of sight and out of mind...forever."
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:15, Reply)
who?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:17, Reply)
and the system works

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:19, Reply)
what was it advertising?

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:19, Reply)
some hair product, I imagine

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:21, Reply)
im bald so filter out these ads
like anything with michael parkinson or judith chalmers
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 9:25, Reply)
This is an early morning thread just to say
WHAT FUCK HAPPENED HERE?

This is like stumbling upon a serious crime incident.

All evidence must be preserved. hi
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 6:26, Reply)
Hey, er, is a complex fracture of the shoulder bad?
i seem to have one
(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 0:50, Reply)
Shove it up your arse thread

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 23:57, Reply)
Apparently you can get on the popular page just by typing the words 'sole kitchen'.

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 23:58, Reply)
^

(, Tue 6 Dec 2016, 8:08, Reply)
On the fifth day of christmas my true love sent to me...
m                                               	                                               	                                               	                                               	                                               m		
e / \ \ / \ / \ \ / \ / \ \ / \ / \ \ / \ / \ \ / \ e
r| | \ | | | | \ | | | | \ | | | | \ | | | | \ | | r
r| `. | | : | `. | | : | `. | | : | `. | | : | `. | | : r
y` | | \| | ` | | \| | ` | | \| | ` | | \| | ` | | \| | y
\ | / / \\\ --__ \\ : \ | / / \\\ --__ \\ : \ | / / \\\ --__ \\ : \ | / / \\\ --__ \\ : \ | / / \\\ --__ \\ :
c \ \/ _--~~ ~--__| \ | \ \/ _--~~ ~--__| \ | \ \/ _--~~ ~--__| \ | \ \/ _--~~ ~--__| \ | \ \/ _--~~ ~--__| \ | c
h \ \_-~ ~-_\ | \ \_-~ ~-_\ | \ \_-~ ~-_\ | \ \_-~ ~-_\ | \ \_-~ ~-_\ | h
r \_ \ _.---,\-,--.______\| | \_ \ _.---,\-,--.______\| | \_ \ _.---,\-,--.______\| | \_ \ _.---,\-,--.______\| | \_ \ _.---,\-,--.______\| | r
i \ \______/ ___\|/__ (__ \ | \ \______/ ___\|/__ (__ \ | \ \______/ ___\|/__ (__ \ | \ \______/ ___\|/__ (__ \ | \ \______/ ___\|/__ (__ \ | i
s \ . C ___) | || |(____ | / \ . C ___) | || |(____ | / \ . C ___) | || |(____ | / \ . C ___) | || |(____ | / \ . C ___) | || |(____ | / s
t /\ | C ____)|___||___|(____ |_/ /\ | C ____)|___||___|(____ |_/ /\ | C ____)|___||___|(____ |_/ /\ | C ____)|___||___|(____ |_/ /\ | C ____)|___||___|(____ |_/ t
m / /\| C_____)|---||---|(___ / \ / /\| C_____)|---||---|(___ / \ / /\| C_____)|---||---|(___ / \ / /\| C_____)|---||---|(___ / \ / /\| C_____)|---||---|(___ / \ m
a | ( _C_____)|___||___| // _/ / \ | ( _C_____)|___||___| // _/ / \ | ( _C_____)|___||___| // _/ / \ | ( _C_____)|___||___| // _/ / \ | ( _C_____)|___||___| // _/ / \ a
s | \ |__ \\_________// (__/ | | \ |__ \\_________// (__/ | | \ |__ \\_________// (__/ | | \ |__ \\_________// (__/ | | \ |__ \\_________// (__/ | s
* | \ \____) `---- --' | | \ \____) `---- --' | | \ \____) `---- --' | | \ \____) `---- --' | | \ \____) `---- --' | *
* | \_ ___\ /_ _/ | | \_ ___\ /_ _/ | | \_ ___\ /_ _/ | | \_ ___\ /_ _/ | | \_ ___\ /_ _/ | *
* | / | | \ | | / | | \ | | / | | \ | | / | | \ | | / | | \ | *
* | | / \ \ | | | / \ \ | | | / \ \ | | | / \ \ | | | / \ \ | *
* | / / | AND | \ | | / / | A | \ | | / / | HAPPY | \ | | / / | NEW | \ | | / / | YEAR | \ |*
* | / / \__/\___/ | | | / / \__/\___/ | | | / / \__/\___/ | | | / / \__/\___/ | | | / / \__/\___/ | |*
* | / | | | | | / | | | | | / | | | | | / | | | | | / | | | |*
* | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |*

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 23:16, Reply)
Cheers
Cheers
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 23:40, Reply)
So it is THE MOST WONDERFUL time of
THE YEAR and what AMAZING PAWS I have for PRESENTS and EVERYTHING IS COVERED in TINSEL!
Only the BEST and most presentworthy B3tans get PRESENTS. I give them TO YOU with my PAWS so therefore a very MERRY CRISPMAS TO ALL! o<I:o3
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 19:56, Reply)
I'm guessing there's no cooking sherry left in the bottle.

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 19:59, Reply)
HAI MMMPP!

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:00, Reply)
HI THERE Missus LONESTAR!
You look LOVELY and so it is with GREAT PLEASURE and TINSELPAWS I can offer you THIS gift of GREAT JOY!
MmmmmmeeeeOWW!
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:08, Reply)
You're the best!

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:59, Reply)
Well this is just awful.
I've not got you anything
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:08, Reply)
It is THE season for GIVING
and especially with PAWS so do not worry ABOUT THIS PRESENTLESS predicament and so I have a SUPER present in return for you. I have it HERE... IN MY PAWS!
MmmmmEEEEEOW!
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:10, Reply)
Nothing to display. :(

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 21:41, Reply)
:) This is going to be the best crispmas ever!

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:10, Reply)
And have I GOT a PRESENT for YOU! You MAY
think that it is NO but it is YES AND SO Mistar TOUCAN THUNDER I have a SUPER AND SPARKLY present for YOU! Hold out YOUR PAWS and touch THE MAGICAL SEASON!
MeOW!
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:16, Reply)
I love it!
Thanks Mister Meow-Meow Presentpaws
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:19, Reply)
Oh, I thought you'd killed yourself.

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:13, Reply)
NO IT IS NOT so! Have
a VERY MERRY CRISPMAS and PLEASE do wish the same for all and SUNDRY! If you would LIKE a present PLEASE ACCEPT this one... FROM my PAWS!
MmmmeOOOW!
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:22, Reply)
What the fuck is that supposed to be

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 21:48, Reply)
Fish innards

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 21:49, Reply)
Oh, right
I've never cut a fish up so thanks
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 21:53, Reply)
I'm not entirely sure why they're arranged in a smiley face.

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:04, Reply)
Turner Prize innit

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:10, Reply)
Fair.

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:27, Reply)
you're not allowed to call it crispmas any more because of muslims

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 20:55, Reply)
What do Muslims want us to call it?

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 21:41, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8023200
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 21:53, Reply)
Well, merry fish innards

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:05, Reply)
I'm not keen on this muslim stuff

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:10, Reply)
typical jew

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:17, Reply)
Threshing machine, arms would fly off, etc

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:02, Reply)
Oh sweet fucking AIDS infected Christ
You again
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 21:32, Reply)
wow
i never thought i'd live to see the day
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 21:50, Reply)
You didn't
I'm afraid this is what eternity is going to look like for you
(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 21:55, Reply)
We were supposed to have Christmas icons today too , fucking mods

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:06, Reply)
mods are all controlled by jews aren't they

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:16, Reply)
see you next year

(, Mon 5 Dec 2016, 22:33, Reply)

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