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morning

(, Tue 22 May 2018, 5:23, Reply)
evening
I just realized it's technically morning here
(, Tue 22 May 2018, 6:05, Reply)
where are you for it to be evening?

(, Tue 22 May 2018, 6:49, Reply)
Morning.

(, Tue 22 May 2018, 6:44, Reply)
I find your capitalization and punctuation to be a bit passive-aggressive
which perfectly suits your new job
(, Tue 22 May 2018, 6:50, Reply)
Last day in the old one, today.

(, Tue 22 May 2018, 7:14, Reply)
Fair gumblin'.

(, Tue 22 May 2018, 6:47, Reply)
fuck is that supposed to mean?

(, Tue 22 May 2018, 6:50, Reply)
Just bringing a bit of regional diversity to the morning thread.

(, Tue 22 May 2018, 6:53, Reply)
well it can fuck off back to whatever damp impoverished coal-mining backwater it crawled out of

(, Tue 22 May 2018, 7:01, Reply)
The air is doing that
warm, still thing. It gives everything this weird slightly trippy vibe.

I reckon it's this kind of atmosphere that makes people lose control and finally go loopy. Start howling in the middle of Tesco and have to be sectioned. Orange light at the end of the day as well. Definite trigger for latent schizophrenia. Or something.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 17:16, Reply)
I think it's more likely to be the alcohol consumed.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 17:22, Reply)
You know what I mean though?
There's a Stephen King story called Room 1408 that's a bit like it, but worse.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 20:12, Reply)
I've seen the film of that and it was pretty enjoyable.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 20:39, Reply)
I bet it's not as good as Maximum Overdrive.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 21:27, Reply)
Worth it just for the soundtrack

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 21:41, Reply)
Well, now, I haven't seen that so I couldn't rightly say.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 21:53, Reply)
Do so as soon as possible

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 21:58, Reply)
Current forecasts are saying that's going to be on Wednesday.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 22:02, Reply)
3 films on the cinema I want to see this week and a couple of things expiring on mubi.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 22:28, Reply)
What's on at the cinema?
I saw Deadpool 2 last night, for the lulz.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 22:39, Reply)
Filmworker - Documentary about Leon Vitali, Kubrick's right-hand man.
New Town Utopia - Documentary about Basildon
Jeunne Femme - Some French film about some listless 30-something
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 23:41, Reply)
I bet you go in tesco in jesus sandles with knee length white socks.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 17:24, Reply)
I do!
I mainly hang around the free from section talking about crohns disease. Or next to the avocados to let people know what they're doing to indigenous South American peoples.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 20:09, Reply)
it's better than artificial light

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 17:30, Reply)
Not according to Josef Fritzl

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 17:47, Reply)
^edgier that U2's guitarist

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 21:55, Reply)
^ electricians hate him

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 17:53, Reply)
Do what I do, get pissed

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 21:40, Reply)
I do kind of know what you mean, but that really kicks into overdrive about a month from now when there's a chance for it to get properly hot and it barely gets dark for more than a couple of hours.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 21:56, Reply)
Definitely.
Summer evenings are crazy makers. Maybe that's what happened to the Son of Sam guy.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 22:55, Reply)

I know exactly what you mean. I hope this helps.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 22:07, Reply)
Cheers m9
Like a trustworthy abacus I knew I could count on you.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 22:53, Reply)
Aren't we all unbanned now?
Why is it so quiet?
Can mods gaz missing members (lol) the talk link so they know where to go?

Im having to do actual work here.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 15:37, Reply)
This board was already on its last legs.
The banning of multiple active users has just hastened its otherwise slow death.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 15:42, Reply)
have you considered upping your daily wank allowance?

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 15:51, Reply)
isn't 20 enough?

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 16:06, Reply)
if your spunk isn't tinged with the blood from your palms, it's not enough

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 16:09, Reply)
I don't remember that part in the bible

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 16:51, Reply)
it's in revelations

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 17:03, Reply)
Yeah, I don't blame TH for not coming back,
And Mcbeef has some stuff on with court so.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 15:56, Reply)
and he's on another foreign holiday
it's like he's pinched 2Can's schtick.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 16:47, Reply)
When are we getting /talk back then?

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 16:25, Reply)
I'm afraid I'm still banned

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 16:41, Reply)
I've got you on ignore, so that's fine xx

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 16:52, Reply)
I can't stand seeing Woodo like this.
What has upset you today?
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:41, Reply)
My arms are a bit sore, Windy.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:50, Reply)
I went for a haircut and just as I walked in three other blokes followed in quick succession
and they all stared at me while I was getting my hair cut like it was my fucking fault I got there first.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:53, Reply)
Just got a bill for council tax
For some reason it's double what it was last year. That's pissed me right off.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:55, Reply)
well there are two of you now smashy : /

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 14:41, Reply)
no, only the one
the lodger was only part-time and within the limit of the rules and she's gone altogether now
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 14:45, Reply)
i suppose that's exactly the sort of
dissociative response i deserved.
you have my sympathy
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 15:04, Reply)
i overslept a bit so didn't have time for a shower. i had a wash, but it's not the same.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:58, Reply)
make sure you flannel over your knob and bollocks

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 12:11, Reply)
way ahead of you

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 12:15, Reply)
nothing

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 12:11, Reply)
Everything

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 12:20, Reply)
Not particularly UPSET today
Can't be arsed though. May have got a little bit too tiddly on Saturday.
This was cemented by cracking open a bottle of gin at midnight when we got in.
Bilious. Too hot to sleep last night, rant rant rant.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 12:26, Reply)
Northern fucking Rail

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 12:38, Reply)
everything northern is terrible

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:55, Reply)
can confirm

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 14:03, Reply)

terrible better
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 14:13, Reply)

t n
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 15:01, Reply)
lol, betner

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 15:12, Reply)
every goddamned time

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 15:33, Reply)
going to the shop to buy some food and finding out it's closed because
it's a fucking holiday ...
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 12:52, Reply)
i've become aware of a phenomenon known as telepathic rape
i would advise you not to crack one out to the crush
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:19, Reply)
Working on updates 2%
Don't turn off your PC. This will take a while.


Your PC will restart several times.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:23, Reply)
I'll restart you in a minute

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:27, Reply)
the restart button is up my bumhole

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:35, Reply)
interesting

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:35, Reply)
You can always go for the hard reset instead

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:37, Reply)
a cold boot up the arrse

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 14:45, Reply)
... and once we have finished updating, loads of stuff won;t work properly anymore...
YOU'RE WELCOME!
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:48, Reply)
Windows 10?

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 14:11, Reply)
How did you know?

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 15:15, Reply)
nooning CET
so what's with us breathing all the Earth's cum all day? huh? so much pollen and mushroom spores and whatnot's in the air.
reminds me of a destruction of wild cats, a memory of elephants, a crash of rhinoceroses, a wisdom of wombats, an unkindness of ravens, quivers of snakes and exhaltations of larks.

none of this is related to mid-day.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:00, Reply)
It's 11am you fucking stupid cunt.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:05, Reply)
there's no progress if you're living in the past, meyt

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:07, Reply)
aren't we all cells living on borrowed time?

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:07, Reply)
indeed, that is true.
this begs the question: how much of you is YOU?! the vast majority of our bodies are made up of trillions of cells, some of which die each day and are replaced by new cells. but each of these cells and other organisms such as microbes as can be found in the intestines are not you. they are individual life forms. and we're not even going to mention mitochondria. practically, YOU are only the electric currents in your brain. but even the brain is not you.
I am depress
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:19, Reply)
Alright, Trigger, got a new broom?

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:21, Reply)
all the human cells fill everything below the knee to the toe (one leg)

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:23, Reply)
Existential uncertainty is a bugger

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:26, Reply)
don't worry
be happy
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:34, Reply)
Incels, more like

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:20, Reply)
I'm certainly not an involuntary celibate

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:22, Reply)
there are too many male humans on Earth so the chances of "scoring" are reduced by a large margin.
it will be the scourge of China and India one day. "Asians" score "all the time" (generalisation) because there are so many of them. "white people", which are a genetic minority on this planet, are eventually going to become extinct. good riddance!
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:27, Reply)
Oh noes, white genocide!

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:32, Reply)
this is why people don't let you start threads, woodo

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:23, Reply)
I should get banned

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:30, Reply)
Take an allergy tablet, you'll be sorted

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:25, Reply)
I do not take pharmaceutical drugs of any kind, nor do I ever get sick.
I have pity with people that get allergies; can't eat bananas or nuts 'n stuff.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:33, Reply)
are you anti-pharma for religious reasons?
or just thick
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:38, Reply)
I'm not allergic to bananas
I just want them wiped from the face of the earth
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 11:53, Reply)
Then your wish will come true
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-35131751
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:39, Reply)
this pleases me greatly

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:57, Reply)
morning

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 7:29, Reply)
Don't reckon I'll bother if it's all the same to you.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 7:39, Reply)
fine, be like that

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 7:41, Reply)

www.nola.com/national_politics/2018/05/hitler_not_alive_on_the_moon_s.html
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 7:58, Reply)
I don't believe it

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:00, Reply)
I've had to start my day by breaking down the door to our lounge.
Not the greatest start to the week.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 7:54, Reply)
child inside, or just a sticky lock?

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:00, Reply)
Sticky lock.
We don't ever shut it, on account of it being difficult to open, so we reckon one of the dogs must have pushed on it. Had them trapped in the lounge whilst I took a drill and crowbar to it.
Was an ugly door, anyway - had that wire-mesh reinforced glass in it.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:16, Reply)
Wire mesh glass?
Do you live in a council bedsit?
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:26, Reply)
come on windy you know this, he's the ghost of a paedo
www.b3ta.com/talk/8146299
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:08, Reply)
I forgot he was a ghost paedo

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:20, Reply)
It's the rentaghost reboot nobody wanted.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:33, Reply)
I bet you wish you smashed the back doors in!
lolololololololololololololololololol
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:16, Reply)
Haha!
I don't get it.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:34, Reply)
yeah you do
you pervert
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:45, Reply)
The back doors are brand new.
Would have been gutted if I'd smashed those in.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:51, Reply)
disgusting

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:57, Reply)
Renovate it you weirdo Ghost paedo

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:20, Reply)
Bit by bit.
I'll probably replace the door, this week.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:35, Reply)
Morning.
The paper's still full of wedding shite and how good we are at carriages.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:05, Reply)
electric E-Type Jag, what a fucking travesty

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:06, Reply)
Colleague of mine owns an E-Type.
He bought it as an investment, so it never leaves his garage. He has described it as "horrible to drive", though.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 10:17, Reply)
A family friend restored one. It was beautiful.
He said it's a pain to drive anywhere with junctions as it's mostly bonnet.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 10:21, Reply)
'ning

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:17, Reply)
ho ho, it's friendly noob hmmm

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:27, Reply)
whenever to do the learner plates go away

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:40, Reply)
Tomorrow

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:27, Reply)
excellent
afterwards i hope to get stepped for something inane
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 10:02, Reply)
ahoy

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:32, Reply)
greetings to our Czech friends

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:52, Reply)
Morning
I replaced that bedroom door that's been my list of things to do for months. Drill, chisel, hammer - managed not to damage myself or the house! 100% win!
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:41, Reply)
why did you need a chisel?
new hinges too?
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 8:54, Reply)
Put a new door in existing door fame
needed to chisel a couple of mil for the hinges, also make a sunk bit for the door catch thing to go in. Oh, and needed to do some planing too - the loft conversion cunts made the wall the door went into a bit wonky so the door is a teenyweeny bit trapezoid.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:12, Reply)
I'm afraid I don't have any door anecdotes to share

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:05, Reply)
Just make something up to fit in

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:14, Reply)
As an idiot teen I wondered what a Doored was
And why Ian Brown wanted to be one.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:14, Reply)
I used to think the sisters of mercy were singing about a triple aardvark

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:25, Reply)
haha misheard song lyrics are funny! rob should do a qotw on this

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:26, Reply)
the only thing more depressing than the jokes
would be seeing the musical tastes of the site demographics
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:30, Reply)
something about a door knob up your arse

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:16, Reply)
I was cleaning it wearing only a dressing gown when I slipped

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:23, Reply)
Caught a nipple on the living room door handle more than once
Hurts like fuck
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:29, Reply)
Something about door knockers

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:30, Reply)
Rip two hats knob

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 10:33, Reply)
Morning
Feeling energetic today
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:25, Reply)
and how does Energetic feel about that, a ha ha ha

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:31, Reply)
Energetic doesn't get a say in it

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:51, Reply)
I've got new jeans on and they're a bit tight IYKWIM

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:31, Reply)
lol, fat

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:36, Reply)
over the years jeans have got tighter and phones have got bigger so I've had to resort to carrying a manbag

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:37, Reply)
I could do with a new manbag.
Saw a lovely one in the Osprey catalogue, but I really don't like the idea of blowing £150 on a glorified satchel.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:43, Reply)
get one from an army surplus store

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:52, Reply)
I'm not a greebo teenager, though.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:59, Reply)
If it's in a bag that suggests you can't have it on vibrate, which suggests you have it on loud like some sort of restaurant ruining prick.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 10:27, Reply)
I tend to miss most calls when it is in the bag, but occasionally I feel it vibrating
I have never used a ringtone on any mobile I have owned
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 10:47, Reply)
except when I'm in restaurants obvs

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 10:48, Reply)
Take them back to M&S then

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:38, Reply)
harsh

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:43, Reply)
I need to get some more. I'm down to my last pair that haven't got a hole in the back wallet pocket.
The change rubs a hole in it, see.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 10:24, Reply)
I don't own a pair of jeans

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 10:26, Reply)
afternoon

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:44, Reply)
'noon, indeed.
I had a massive go at some kid for queue jumping, this morning. Annoyingly, I'm not really enjoying this moral victory.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:53, Reply)
he's not going to forget and will come back and knife you

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:55, Reply)
A less meek child would have openly laughed in your face.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:55, Reply)
I'd would have slapped or spat on him

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:56, Reply)
I reckon I'd have enjoyed slapping him even less than I enjoyed telling him off.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:03, Reply)
I was talking about slapping you

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:04, Reply)
Yeah, I know.
Just wondering if I'd have hit him back if he'd tried that - would have certainly cost me the moral high ground, if I had.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:06, Reply)
And a conviction for assault on a minor

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:07, Reply)
Exactly.
Mind you, I've never hit anyone - the few fights I've been involved in, I've just walked away from, so it's a safe bet that I probably wouldn't have clipped him one.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:08, Reply)
I had a go at some girl for littering, a while back, and she did exactly that.
I phoned her school up and complained (it was a little after 9am, so she'd have been arriving late) which I'm quite sure achieved absolutely fuck all, but at least I felt slightly better for having made the effort.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:02, Reply)
nark

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:16, Reply)
Which side was I on when we had the nark/narc argument?

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:23, Reply)
the first one is british the second american

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:33, Reply)
Two different things really too

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:43, Reply)
Indeed, but that's no barrier to a pointless argument.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:53, Reply)
How could you argue about a recognised British word and some yank shortening of narcotic for a narcotic officer ?

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:03, Reply)
I can't remember how it went down,
but there's definitely been an argument about it on here. I think someone used "narc" when they should have used "nark", or vice versa.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 18:38, Reply)
Short for 'narcotics agent', I think, so 'narc' would be more natural.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:47, Reply)
Oh do shut up

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 16:01, Reply)
Alright Grumpy McGrumpface.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 17:27, Reply)
lol gutted

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:17, Reply)
Watch and learn
youtu.be/LfoBpf1XH4g
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:06, Reply)
Got bored before the halfway mark, sorry.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:59, Reply)
I hope children continue to mock your 'have-a-go-hero' routine then.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 18:01, Reply)
Who is this "limmy" bloke, anyway?

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 18:39, Reply)
my brother had a go at some kid for fighting with his girlfriend's daughter
unfortunately for him, he called her a n****r and now the police want to talk to him.
serves him fucking right.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:30, Reply)
Lol, that'll learn him.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:48, Reply)
Just checking we can still type nigger

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:48, Reply)
it's not a word i even like to type

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:52, Reply)
So if you just call someone that once, the police'll be after you?
Boyce must spend half his life at the police station.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 17:27, Reply)
they were in this case because she told her mother
who then called the police and said she wants him done for assault of a minor and hate crimes
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 17:48, Reply)
I guess if you're actually physically assaulting the person at the time, that's an aggravating circumstance.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 17:49, Reply)
In London you will get arrested for calling someone a nigger straight away

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 18:02, Reply)
Does that extend to other racial slurs as well? What about homophobic slurs?

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 18:12, Reply)
Most racial slurs yeah, calling someone a bent cunt, no I doubt it

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 18:34, Reply)
he's a moron who can't control his temper
like most bullies, he's also a coward, so i'd love to see him getting punished for this
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 18:09, Reply)
your brother sounds like a racist scumbag

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 19:01, Reply)
Yeah, that's him

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 19:45, Reply)
Nice afternoon in the pub garden

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:07, Reply)
Good day for it.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:08, Reply)
Yeah , can feed the boy too

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 14:29, Reply)
Foooooooood.
Burger and a pint?
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:03, Reply)
He had a hunters chicken in a wrap , I had stella

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:07, Reply)
when did people start calling it hunter's chicken?
i always remember it being chicken cacciatore
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 15:49, Reply)
When they gave up making it properly and just stuck bbq sauce on it I reckon

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 16:04, Reply)
so much for progress

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 16:18, Reply)
Just got back from seeing If.... it's fantastic

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 18:02, Reply)
Yo yo

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 19:01, Reply)
Is it safe to put the telly back on now?

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 22:51, Reply)

he'
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 23:14, Reply)
Yes
But avoid the BBC
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 9:58, Reply)
This morning's top story appeared to be that they were still married.
Can't help thinking it'd only be newsworthy if they weren't.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 12:45, Reply)
Since when has newsworthiness been a factor?
We got two years' worth of daily bulletins saying that the war was still going on in the Gulf.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:00, Reply)
alright 'jean baudrillard'

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:10, Reply)
It's not a recession, it's an economic crisis.
Or something.
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:13, Reply)
"The country is at war until further notice"

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:10, Reply)
Mmm, Victory Gin.

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:13, Reply)
And now I want gin

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:15, Reply)
I rarely watch the news these days
It's either banal, depressing, biased or all three
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 13:14, Reply)
evening

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 18:51, Reply)
Alriggt grry, my lads playing fortnite, I'm too old to enjoy it

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 19:03, Reply)
I can't get into these mass multiplayer games
it's just a pointless frenzy
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 19:11, Reply)
I just get lost , then shot, I'm hoping black ops 4 team death match is better than the last one

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 19:17, Reply)
I used to play Nexuiz.
I died, a lot.
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 22:20, Reply)
Get in.
It's Museum Night tonight. Going to an open-air film project in the grounds of a modern art museum at 22:00.
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 19:03, Reply)
I remember that sort of stuff from back when I was allowed to have a social life

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 19:12, Reply)
Have you got a cat still?

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 19:45, Reply)
yer, dopey little cunt

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 21:42, Reply)
Yeh well I'm looking out the window right now
and it looks very much like it's about to start pissing down, so I ent going anywhere. Tonight will be vodka cocktails and gaming instead.
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 20:25, Reply)
afternoon

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 20:22, Reply)
Evening
I'm watching the Martian
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 21:30, Reply)
good book that

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 21:42, Reply)
I'm currently rereading lord of the rings
But I'm all about telly today as I've given my brain a day off
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 22:14, Reply)
Evil Lu is genuinely furious at me on FB for posting a screenshot of my phone on 1% battery.
Alt: alright.
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 10:53, Reply)
My brother posted some 2 PAC lyrics, I love these fb round ups

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 11:09, Reply)
Just got a call about the local garage
They've got a help wanted sign up, so I'm off down there in a bit to try my luck
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 11:09, Reply)
I'd forgotten she even existed
is she still a mental?
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 11:34, Reply)
I liked her.
Tell her to come back.
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 11:44, Reply)

I would, but I doubt it would work.
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 19:43, Reply)
I cycled into work yesterday and then went to a leaving do so cycled home pissed.
I've not done that since I was a teenager, made me feel young.
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 14:37, Reply)
FP it now!

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 15:48, Reply)
Provide numerous screenshots of the charge gradually increasing, that should calm things down.

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 20:10, Reply)
I find your lack of morning thread disturbing

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 8:59, Reply)
No doubt everyone's been camped out overnight in Windsor.

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 9:07, Reply)
Bloody royalists

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 9:11, Reply)
I've just had a nice chat with a couple of LDS lads.
They're always so polite.
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 9:54, Reply)
Is that like dyslexic acid dealers or sutin?

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 10:00, Reply)
Mormons.

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 11:44, Reply)

stupid dyslexic acid dealers?
(, Sun 20 May 2018, 11:57, Reply)
And so good to their mothers

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 10:08, Reply)
can't believe they had the audacity to book the wedding on the same day as the FA cup final
bloody royals
(, Sat 19 May 2018, 10:44, Reply)
No sense of timing

(, Sat 19 May 2018, 11:07, Reply)
Hang on, where's
Drimble?
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 20:54, Reply)
lol he's not even on the stats page and no-one noticed
www.b3ta.com/board_stats/talkboard-users.html

I miss 2H tho :(
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 20:58, Reply)
Wow, I'm still up there despite being banned from b3ta during office hours.
But you're right: 2H did nothing that warranted a permaban.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 21:00, Reply)
I expect to some degree it's not a permaban
ie mine was and then wasn't, so maybe his was rolled back too. But after being dicked around like that he has no decent reason to return to this place, and I don't blame him. I just yearn for him terribly
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 21:04, Reply)
Well, yes.
As the vital organs are progressively ripped from this site, leaving it a dreary and draughty commercial husk, it's only natural that he should seek warmer shores elsewhere.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 21:07, Reply)
I hope he's happy on that other forum that people used to use
notbent.com or whatever it was called
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 21:15, Reply)
dunno what that is soz

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 21:33, Reply)
I did and you even posted in the thread
www.b3ta.com/talk/8170603
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 21:10, Reply)
no-one reads all that shit you type

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 21:16, Reply)
He's gone to live on a lovely farm in the country
With a very nice family
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 21:19, Reply)
He was already a forum member that died and came back as drimble, not sure you can do that shit twice, jesus has struggled

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 22:01, Reply)
Dozer, Drimble, 2 Hats
Why do bad things happen to good people? Alright maybe not Dozer. But Drimble? Where's Re-animator when you need him?
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 23:30, Reply)
Afternoon thread right here...
How's your Friday going, internet chums?
Have you all got your bunting for the Royal Wedding?

what's your favourite canape?
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:14, Reply)
I could not care less about an event
than I do about this nonsense tomorrow. Except... my little sister has an invite and I think she's taking my two nephews who are very photogenic. I can imagine them being shunted into the background of any scenes requiring the good people of Berkshire. It would be rather lovely to see them being beamed all around the world.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:36, Reply)
Holy fuck this isn't filtered at work
expect one more post a week than usual people.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:39, Reply)
Steady you'll get banned

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:14, Reply)
Good advice mongy
best to play it safe.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:21, Reply)
what kind of cunt puts an ape in a can

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:39, Reply)
What, like OranguTango?

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:42, Reply)
canned ape has been a stable of the royal family for decades

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:43, Reply)
Spent ages looking for
a picture of an ape in a can before realising Talk doesn't allow pictures.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:55, Reply)
soon it won't allow talk either

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 18:28, Reply)
so, basically facebook then

(, Sun 20 May 2018, 12:27, Reply)
I'm writing an article about the best weddings in videogames
cos gamers are monarchists, of course
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:48, Reply)
Who do you write for?

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:07, Reply)
Just me work, Green Man Gaming

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:12, Reply)
I've given you money before
YOU OWE ME
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:22, Reply)
You own a part of me now

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:32, Reply)
Who is your daddy and what does he do?

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:07, Reply)
He's called Brian and he's an electrician

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:12, Reply)
Phew my name's Dave

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:41, Reply)
1. not bad
2. hell, no
3. anything with prawns in it
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:48, Reply)
Shit, hungover.
No, shit for cunts.
Lamb kofta
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:50, Reply)
Not interested in Royal weddings or small food.
My afternoon off has been marred by spending most of it in the car before picking the kids up.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:10, Reply)
wanking I bet

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:11, Reply)
It's cheaper than petrol.

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:32, Reply)
New MOT rules to all

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:11, Reply)
I had a sleep
it was alright
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 16:57, Reply)
Christ, I'm oversaturated to the point of fucking vomiting with the Royal Fucking Wedding.
Every time I go to any sort of news site, that gormless ginger lolnazi's gurning back at me with his Tesco Value Barbie doll hanging off his arm. All of them can fuck right off and die in a fire.

What was the other question, canapés? I dunno, you can't go far wrong with some tiger prawns and a bit of mayonnaise. Does that even count? I dunno.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 17:24, Reply)
my kid pissed herself and the chain on my bike broke
as Fridays go, this one's a cunt
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 18:16, Reply)
I just found my ring!
it had slipped an inside pocket of my rucksack and now I'm very happy.

What's good with you today?
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:28, Reply)
It's Friday

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:29, Reply)
Happy friday WiPi!

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:31, Reply)
Off to a bike meet tomorrow.
It's all middle aged, middle class white men.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:35, Reply)
I don't ride out with other motorcyclists
it only encourages me to behave like a pillock on the road.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:55, Reply)
I don't ride with other people because it seems to make people want to ride like pillocks.
So I ride on my own mostly, pop in to a bike cafe to have a look at the bikes and a chat and then fuck off on my own.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:05, Reply)
Ace Cafe can be quite good for that
but it's the other end from London from me and not a nice shlep
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:21, Reply)
Motorcycling and living in London sounds like a chore.
Brilliant for commuting, shit for actual riding.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:31, Reply)
I like the underpass that goes under Kingsway
it leads off Waterloo bridge and takes you to Holborn - if there's nothing ahead of you it's possible to hit quite a lick.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:19, Reply)
stitches out and I got to take my top off in front of a nurse
cor!
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:32, Reply)
I bet it was a male nurse.
You fucking bender
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:36, Reply)
they're called doctors, dummy

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:38, Reply)
I bet he got a raging horn on
they had to smack it down with a teaspoon I reckon
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:41, Reply)
try not to gnaw on the area or you'll have to have a cone

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:12, Reply)

frinkiac.com/video/S05E05/QLlOLHDS3xZ9OxbDgQXCaD40nzY=.gif
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 14:08, Reply)
the rental car company I used last week
just sent me a letter claiming vehicular damage I will be liable for. Hurrah!
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:33, Reply)
Shouldn't have damaged it if you didn't want to pay for it

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:36, Reply)
didn't fucking dent it, did I
but they never did a pre-rent inspection so they've got no proof the damage was pre-existing.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:49, Reply)
I used to get independent CDW cover for the year for about £50
covered me for anything. I didn't give a flying fuck what any car company did as long as they issued an invoice.

I also took a little less care than I ought to have done when maneuohuevring (fuck, never can spell that word)
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:58, Reply)
yeah, I'm learning that lesson now
When I brought the car back the woman pointed to a tiny stone chip on the rear tailgate and said "don't worry about it" so I signed the paperwork, and now I've got Damage Claim Services after me. What a fucking scam.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:02, Reply)
My big mistake? Thinking CDW covered me for vans
No, it's CAR cover. That mistake cost me £500 for a scratch I got in B&Q car park on a transit*.

*Transits are COMMERCIAL vehicles, not cars - always read the small print
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:05, Reply)
so, you banged a tranny in B&Q car park?

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:06, Reply)
Well, homebase was busy

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:17, Reply)
i hope you at least treated him/her to a mcflurry afterwards

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:25, Reply)
Kick off. Get a lawyer

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:06, Reply)

n c
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:57, Reply)
Lol bum

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:57, Reply)
Whoever will drink from my mouth will become like me.
I myself will become he, and what is hidden will be revealed to him.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:39, Reply)
TL;DR: Let me spit in your face if you want HIV

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:58, Reply)
just had to leg it to my mum's after a neighbour called me
saying there were police all round the house. turns out there was one patrol car with 2 officers, who were following up on a nuisance complaint my mum made last week. good thing is, nobody got burgled.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:41, Reply)
Burgle the place
it's the perfect time for the perfect crime!
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:51, Reply)
bugger that
my folks have got fuck all to steal
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:05, Reply)
Almost posted "Ban a load of people for no good reason" on QoTW
but I'm worried Rob won't see the funny side of it.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:57, Reply)
I don't get this QOTW at all

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:09, Reply)
What's more funny than doing some hot hot LinkedIn bants?
How we'll laugh etc
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 14:32, Reply)
"but don't explain the problem it solved"
Nothing's funnier than Top Tips with no context whatsoever, especially when it's about the world of work and business!

I've done loads of bodges, cludges and shenanigans at work, but none of them are worth reading about if you don't know what the original issue was.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 14:49, Reply)
I put my finger up my ring and was surprised to find it came out covered in shit.
28 4 I was.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:11, Reply)
I am bored.

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:27, Reply)
*yawn*

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:36, Reply)
same here
and there's work drama brewing and I'm caught in the crossfire.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:45, Reply)
Did Linda catch Jason
fingering Amy in meeting room b? Now the whole office knows, and Jason's married? Is that it? Is it?
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:56, Reply)
I dream of that sort of mundane drama
this is much more upper management backstabbing each other and playing Game of Thrones with us pawns.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:59, Reply)
Let me know if someone
stabs someone else's tits off. Good old Game of Thrones.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:01, Reply)
can't they just settle it over a bottle of vodka and a punch up in the car park
like real adults
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:04, Reply)
It's one German
trying to claim parts of the Polish team under his own little fiefdom, against the established rules and boundaries. No-one would ever have expected this kind of behaviour.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:13, Reply)
it's always five to reich with that lot

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:14, Reply)
Half past fuhrer?

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:32, Reply)
Where's McBeef?
This is his kind of game.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 13:14, Reply)
Hi

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:46, Reply)
are you abroad now?
by which i mean, have you had gender reassignment surgery?
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:56, Reply)
Yes and yes
Just having a cheeky lager, waiting for my new tits to scab over
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:48, Reply)
I just went from 0-tumescence so quickly that my desk flipped over

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:01, Reply)
Can you spray that kiwi protector stuff on canvas court vantage?

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:09, Reply)
Yes

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:49, Reply)
Ta. I'll add them to the 350's I was getting.
£66 for 2 pairs seems alright to me.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:55, Reply)
Very much so

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:30, Reply)
finger your own bumhole

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:47, Reply)
that's your answer to everything

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:50, Reply)
It's better than
"have you tried turning it off and turning it on again?"
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:08, Reply)
it certainly turns me on again

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:20, Reply)
Before or after you got a virus?

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:59, Reply)
I've got the boiler man here
do I have to offer to have sex with him?
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:49, Reply)
ask him if he's "working hard or hardly working?"
they love that
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:56, Reply)
Did he introduce himself
as the boiler man, then immediately announce he was there to clear your pipes? If yes the laws of narrative causality are pretty clear on what happens next.

You haven't also ordered a pizza have you?
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:59, Reply)
Depends
if you have biscuits then that'll probably be fine. If not, you've politeness means you ought to put out.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:07, Reply)
hey me too
let's be friends
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 10:56, Reply)
Get a hobby

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:00, Reply)

h j

lol
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:52, Reply)
I'm really tired and yet there's work to do
It doesn't seem right to be honest
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:17, Reply)
smash the place up

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:18, Reply)
I spilled some coffee on the floor, that'll do for a start

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:19, Reply)
you'll probably make a better job of the work if you have a bit of a kip under your desk for an hour or so

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:20, Reply)
Put my head on the Game of Thrones board game, will make a nice pillow

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:20, Reply)
Rub your japseye on a squirrel

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:54, Reply)
Im ba-ba-ba-ba-back again!!
I dun a naughty and got wrong.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 11:58, Reply)
What?
You too?

I think we can get him for homophobia on this shit.
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:00, Reply)
I reckon so too...
bunch of slags. A whole week!
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:03, Reply)
Whad did YOU do?
I made a joke up about Jeremy Corbyn (which wasn't horrible about him or any less funny than about half of the other jokes - still bemused by that).
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:17, Reply)
I hope the nawty step told you that you'd been COR-BANNED

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:22, Reply)
insinuated paedophillia.
which NEVER happens on here
(, Fri 18 May 2018, 12:43, Reply)
ugh

(, Fri 18 May 2018, 15:28, Reply)

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