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Fucking hell, it's a bit warm today
What are you doing to beat the heat?

strikey-g
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:19, Reply)
I thought I'd sit in an office out of direct sunlight through the hottest part

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:21, Reply)
+h
ADDY-LETTER!!!
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:22, Reply)
the hottest phart

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:31, Reply)
I did enjoy the air con at work yesterday
I shall be enjoying that again tomorrow
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:38, Reply)
seriously, you're better off there
I sat in the sunshine with cold beer yesterday and it was just too unbearably hot
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:43, Reply)
Close all the curtains and strip down
My office is in the attic space so it gets well hot at times
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:25, Reply)
Yeah, that's pretty much what I've done
The family have gone to the lido. I would literally rather sit in this oven of a house than go to the fucking blue lagoon.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
The one in Guildford's always been unusable
as it's the nearest body of water to a very unpleasant estate, meaning every year the chavs go there to take their annual bath. The film of scum on the water is most unappealing.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:41, Reply)
This is part of the problem with Hilsea
Not everyone who goes there is like that, of course. But many of them are.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
If they're happy to bathe in chav scum
then they're very nearly as bad, or actually worse depending on your perspective.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:43, Reply)
My lot just go to the splash pool bit
Loads of fountains squirting everywhere. Mind you, with kids slipping and sliding everywhere, it becomes a bloodbath before long. Fucking hell, it's grim.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:47, Reply)
probably get a better class of people at the one down by canoe lake

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:01, Reply)
Yeah, I like it there

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:08, Reply)
get a pool in your garden. i know someone that's selling one if you're interested

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
We have a paddling pool
I thought about filling it up this morning, but I've hung the washing out now.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:43, Reply)
bring it indoors and fill it up. lie in it while you play videogames

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:47, Reply)
lol
Later on today 2 people would be overjoyed and one would be furious.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:48, Reply)
"This isn't what it looks like!"
"You're sitting in a paddling pool in the front room"
"Hmm...turns out it's exactly what it looks like"
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:49, Reply)

Hmm...turns out it's exactly what it looks like yeah but i'm not wanking!
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:53, Reply)
She'd never believe that

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/15/23/98/152398911477a3643471d24225355590.jpg
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)
is it?
s'cold in 'ere
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:25, Reply)
your heart you mean

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
:'(

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:53, Reply)
Might put the fan on, in a bit.
Not too bad at the moment, as the sun isn't directly on my window.
I imagine you coast dwellers can just jump in the sea?
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:27, Reply)
um
this person has just told me to drown - i believe that is a threat to kill
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:30, Reply)
report and ban

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:31, Reply)
Surely you'd have to wade out quite far before drowning became a possibility?
Is their a pier you could jump off?
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:38, Reply)
I heard he was quite short.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
right that's it
delete your account and write me an apology letter or i'm getting you kicked out of uni
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
This is like when Shaft had to hand in his badge,
only with nerdy white people.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
TRIGGER

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
Alright, Dave?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:43, Reply)
i hate it
HATE
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:28, Reply)
You need to get rid of that enormous carpet you have on your head

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:38, Reply)
oh yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:41, Reply)
Well you could put it in your lounge to bring the room together

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
We're having running battles with the air con. Two of the girls have insane intolerance of cold.
It's 28 degrees in here and they're wearing fucking jumpers. The air con stays on for about ten minutes before one of them turns it off again.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:29, Reply)
Feign passing out
And then milk the sympathy.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:37, Reply)
I may not have to feign anything.
I like the warm, but I also enjoy airflow.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:38, Reply)
Breaking news: Woman feels cold

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:40, Reply)
Yes, I know but jumpers indoors in 28 degree weather, Two Hats.
THE INSANITY OF IT
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
I know, it's insane
I have two women at work like that, and my mother-in-laws the same. "It was 32 degrees in Spain, but when I went into the shade it actually got quite chilly."
Get fucked.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:44, Reply)
I'm sitting in a polo shirt and I'm getting hot flashes.
Does all the warmth leak out their chuff, or something? Do boobs act like heat sinks?
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:48, Reply)
they must do
or maybe they just bleed it all out
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:49, Reply)
getting butt naked and then sitting on my hands so I don't touch my peanus

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:30, Reply)
well it is awfully tempting isn't it!

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:40, Reply)
We've all got a fan each in our office
So the answer is it is actually pleasant.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:35, Reply)
Imma get a USB fan.
My colleague has one and I'm that jelly.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:37, Reply)
get this instead, you'll be the coolest
www.amazon.co.uk/Powered-Baseball-Friendly-Camping-Traveling/dp/B007VXTKZK
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:38, Reply)
Snapback, surely.
What is this, the Dark Ages?
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
We've also got a couple of
These bad boys, although these are limited in their use as it drowns out all conversation.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
I want a new fan for the house
Our one works just fine, but it's too loud. I'm fucked if I'm giving James Dyson 300 quid for one though.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:41, Reply)
Once again, Two Hats, our lives are running parallel courses.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
The only time it ever occurs to me that having a fan in the house would be a good idea,
is during a heatwave when everywhere is sold out.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:46, Reply)
Gots one of them Dysons hot/colds
Worth the cash for the heating bit, slightly less useful for the cooling but does the job.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:48, Reply)
+ny

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:43, Reply)
he'

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:44, Reply)
i love hot weather, so i'm enjoying

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:36, Reply)
If anyone here is living life properly, it's you mongy.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
got to make hay while the sun shines innit, i've even summered up one of my watches for my stroll up the pub for lunch

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:47, Reply)
You should get an Instagram account, become a trendsetter.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:49, Reply)
is this a drugs thing?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:55, Reply)
Might be.
I'm not all that familiar with the lingo.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:00, Reply)
that was one of the funniest jokes of the fringe
www.theguardian.com/stage/2016/aug/23/masai-graham-organ-donor-funniest-joke-edinburgh-fringe-2016

hopefully the final list won't upset vlad so much
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:03, Reply)
I wish I could enjoy it, I really do
I think it's in my blood to be cold and dark
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:45, Reply)
same. i'm sure i'm a time-displaced viking
it's the only sensible answer
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:49, Reply)
you certainly look time-displaced

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:50, Reply)
Bet the Vikings could swim.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:57, Reply)
i bet they could, what are you getting at?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:04, Reply)
maybe, i should have been born in australia i think

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:49, Reply)
Imma choke on the stench of my own guffs today
they are utterly rancid
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:40, Reply)
Before I even said good morning I let rip with a cataclysmic guff in bed
There was a brief moment of silence before I said 'morning'.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:46, Reply)
Christ, imagine what the tube must be like today
My heart goes out to all the London /talkers
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:52, Reply)
mcbeef's evaporating on a platform somewhere

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:53, Reply)
fuck 'em

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:53, Reply)
that'll only make them even hotter, surely?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:54, Reply)
and more relaxed

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:56, Reply)
i dunno, i'm always furious afterwards

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:05, Reply)
nice

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:07, Reply)
the tube is always hot anyway

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:01, Reply)
yours might be

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 11:09, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 6:56, Reply)
sun is shining, the weather is sweet

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:22, Reply)
and we will suffer from the heat

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:23, Reply)
not a fun of sunshine m8
soz
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:36, Reply)
so you moved to a grey land with grey buildings and permanantly grey skies

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:56, Reply)
suits me down to the ground m8

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:57, Reply)
leeds would have been closer and some of the language is the same

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:58, Reply)
Too many brown people tho

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:05, Reply)
Is Poland not a diverse country then?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:10, Reply)
Na, this little thing called the Holocaust wiped out everyone who wasn't north european-looking
And the obsession with pork products and booze makes people from Muslim countries feel a bit unwelcome.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:21, Reply)
we need to send Joey Essex over to do a documentary about the Holocaust

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:32, Reply)
That would be a LOLOCAUST!

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:00, Reply)
Arbeit Macht Reem

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:00, Reply)
:O

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:03, Reply)
*salutes*

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:07, Reply)
I spent too long dithering between that and 'mintler'

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:10, Reply)
arbeit macht reem

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:02, Reply)
arbeit macht reem

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:03, Reply)
guyrim

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:11, Reply)

E
ex
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:22, Reply)
Lol yeah, from sunny tropical Britain.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:47, Reply)
more of "I'm leaving Thanet to teach English somewhere"
"what are my options? Greece, Italy, Spain, no no no, China/Vietnam, fuck that, the Gulf states, fuck no, oh look there's a job in Poland, that's cold and dark and gloomy and they like black metal, yes please".
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:58, Reply)
You could have tried Whitechapel or Bradford.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
Good morning Grrrmachine
Would you like to see my new bike?
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:28, Reply)
you spammed it twice last night m8
and it's not got an engine so no, I'm not interested
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:33, Reply)
he must have thought it was whyte boy day

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:57, Reply)
Every day is Whyte boy day.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:11, Reply)
I know I did.
I just didn't want you to miss out.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:41, Reply)
alright broadsword
you're not normally a morning person
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:45, Reply)
Good point, might go back to bed

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:01, Reply)
Morning mate.
Bike nearly finished, just got to figure out why the flasher warning and high beam warning lights aren't on. Think it's dodgy ba9s lamp holders. Blew 2 fuses last night because I kept forgetting to turn the ignition off and touched bits of live to the frame. A sheepish trip to halfords was made.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:43, Reply)
Have you applied power to those lights directly to confirm the bulbs work?
I haven't seen ba9s bulbs around since Tandy went bankrupt.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:47, Reply)
Not yet, I've got the holders and bulbs out and then I heard a wine bottle being opened in the kitchen so I rolled a spliff and gave up for the night.
They test fine with a multimeter though. Most people have replaced the ba9s with little LED equivalents, but I don't want no stinking modern crap on my bike.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:54, Reply)
Those LEDs always glow blue anyway
so they'd be really odd as indicator bulbs.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:58, Reply)
I'm not sure what colour the warning light covers are as they've never worked.
He ignition works and that's red. Hopefully I'll have a green and blue and yellow. Green indicator, blue high beam and yellow neutral. But considering the guy who put this together before me seems to think bailer twine is good enough for a break light switch pull, well, we never know. I'll go out in a bit and shine a torch up them.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:01, Reply)
Careful with those eastern european types
They do not like it up 'em
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:04, Reply)
Then how did you ever knock up your Mrs?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:57, Reply)
I used the other hole

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:58, Reply)
Pervert.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
"flasher warning"
Maybe you shouldn't be riding it naked?
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:51, Reply)
If you had ever felt the joy of a willy waving in the breeze, you wouldn't question it.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:54, Reply)
I don't want to feel your willy.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:58, Reply)
Morning, indeed.
Hopefully my tent will dry out in this sunshine.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:51, Reply)

tent bum
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:55, Reply)
WASP!

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 7:59, Reply)
I was going to do a more elaborate strikey-g to hopefully get on a strikey-tee,
But I've only just got a coffee
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:02, Reply)
Weeee

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
hello

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:12, Reply)
alright MONO
whats the name of the muscle down your back, almost under your armpits? That hurts today
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:20, Reply)
latissimus dorsi
or just "lats"
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:45, Reply)
hey MONO! can you spot me while I lift?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
sure

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
cheers

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:50, Reply)
no problem

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:07, Reply)
morning morning morning
though the mornings are morning
keep those mornings morning
morning morning morning
mor-ning
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:26, Reply)
alright tangles

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:30, Reply)
hey there

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:37, Reply)
so true

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:31, Reply)
share if you agree

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:37, Reply)
guuuurd morning

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:27, Reply)

g t
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:36, Reply)
always

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:53, Reply)
once I've had tea and a fag
you knows it
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:06, Reply)
yeah hi, how goes it?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:39, Reply)
alright The Dovestone
glad you could make it
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:42, Reply)
I had a thought last night
A 'ram pack' was one of those things that you plugged into the back of a spectrum so you could play better games. Maybe that's what Corbyn meant.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:44, Reply)
sounds sexual, count me in

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:50, Reply)
I don't see the scandal at all
Corbyn showed that you either sit in someone else's reserved seat, pay through the nose for a first class seat (which he did), or sit on the floor like cattle.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:54, Reply)
All I care about is darts and whist, m8

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:57, Reply)
even when you're playing darts you should be thinking about whist and vice versa

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:00, Reply)
oh, I am m8
Like they say; When you can't be with the darts you love, love the darts you whist
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:01, Reply)
I'm whisting right now

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:03, Reply)
whist while you work

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:12, Reply)
Learnt canasta last month
not sure if it's amazing or shit yet
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:06, Reply)
You should learn bridge
it's boring and complicated. *cough*
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:07, Reply)
I don't have a huge desire to learn any of them
but it's the only way I can have any sort of relationship with my father
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:15, Reply)
I played Bridge in school, and now my mother-in-law is running her mate's online bridge club service.
He's looking to hand the company on to someone, and has hinted that it might be her. She doesn't want it, and I think she was hoping I might volunteer, despite having none of the requisite skills.

#thatsreallynotallthatinteresting
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:19, Reply)
it's a valid concern
No-one wants their business to fold.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:21, Reply)
That's poker.
We used to communicate our bids to our partners by viscosity kicking each other in the shins.
I've never really understood why a group of 17 year old boys so wholeheartedly embraced a game for old ladies.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:24, Reply)
Bridge is like sex
If you haven't got a good partner, you'd better have a good hand
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:34, Reply)
you can have that one for one of your meetings

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:34, Reply)
I'm not getting involved.
Most of the m-i-l's recent work has been sorting out a reliable way to remove the deceased from the database, then finding that players are having each other bumped off out of spite (in the database, not in real life).
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:37, Reply)
I didn't know the bridge community could be so dark

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:38, Reply)
it's because no natural light can get under there

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:04, Reply)
fol-de-rol

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:08, Reply)
Isn't that a dance?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:08, Reply)
it's the forbidden dance

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:09, Reply)
There is evidence he walked past non reserved seats to a later carriage
Excuses I've seen so far are -
He couldn't sit next to his wife (!)
There were bags on seats (!!)
Seats had reservations. Them reservations become voided if someone isn't sitting in that seat after leaving the station.

So he chose to sit on the floor and get filmed, then once some people were moved he sat down.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:04, Reply)
I thought intercity trains were all reserved seating, anyway.
Then again, I don't travel much, so I don't really care.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:07, Reply)
I wouldn't care if it wasn't for the amazing gymnastics on show from the Corbyn zealots on social media
Everything from MI5 doctoring the footage, to them not caring that he lied but that the point he made totally justified him doing it.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:10, Reply)
I like Corbyn, but this does look like an ill-advised stunt.
Still, if he and fellow beardy Brandon can square off, well, I suppose that'll be something.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:16, Reply)
I'd probably be pro-Corbyn if his brown shirts on social media were not doing everything they possibly can to shield him from any criticism and discredit anyone/anything that questions a word he says
But, hey, he's told them to calm down so that's fine.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:26, Reply)
I'm not going to hold him responsible for the handful of loonies that have hitched themselves to his wagon.
They're certainly annoying, but an inevitability, so it's best not to get too riled. The continued presence of Dianne Abbot, however, now that is irksome.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:29, Reply)
It isn't just a few, there are literally thousands of them, and Momentum doesn't help in quelling this bullshit
Anyway, enough of this before we are told we are Debbie Downers.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:37, Reply)
I'm sure this is the perfect forum for a serious political discussion.
When should we threaten each other with sexual assault?
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:46, Reply)
Now? Is now a good time for you?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:47, Reply)
Give me ten minutes to alert some other bloggers, so they can be outraged on my behalf.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:53, Reply)
The Bilderberg Group plotted his demise since day one
they have secret agents from all over the world, including Mossad, to follow him and make him look stupid.

We're through the looking-glass here people.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:16, Reply)
so hang on, what are the implications of this for events such as 9/11 then?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:19, Reply)
Jet fuel can't melt through socialism.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:20, Reply)
I spent 5 hours on a Virgin train, being moved from one reserved seat to the next every stop
On reflection, if I'd just sat on the floor it would have been a lot less stressful.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:07, Reply)
it would've been much easier if you had just reserved your own seat

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:20, Reply)
Of course
but I had an open ticket and didn't realise Virgin trains run without a single unreserved seat on them.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:39, Reply)
My Spectrum had a Multiface III, plugged in the back.
It also had a loose connection on the video output, which I fixed by wedging a Rubik's Snake between the Multiface and the RF cable.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:02, Reply)
With my commodore 64
I read somewhere that if you touched two of the connectors in the back with a paper clip at the same time, it took you back to the start page while the game was still running. This meant you could change lines of code in the game, including giving yourself infinite lives.
Did it, it worked!
Did it a second time, the computer made a popping sound, I could smell burning, and it never worked again.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:05, Reply)
Shame.
If you'd followed the instructions correctly, you could have had Kelly LeBrock turn up.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:13, Reply)
GOD DAMN IT

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:16, Reply)
Ahoy hoy
How dos
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:46, Reply)
alright itoak
I moved more furniture last night and know I'm stiff
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 8:54, Reply)
phwoar!

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:00, Reply)
it's pretty hot stuff eh

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:00, Reply)
Think about some fat birds eating a badly packed kebab
That should remove the erreccy
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:00, Reply)
Morning all
it's my birthday today! I am planning on routing out my MusicMan guitar to take an extra pickup to celebrate.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:06, Reply)
Dear garidead
Many happy returns. What kind of router do you have? I hope you don't get shards of cheap chipboard in your eye. Have a good one.

With warm affection,
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:11, Reply)
Thank you
I have no idea what router they have in the workshop, but it's open from 5-7pm here in the university and as staff I can use it. Never used one before, what could go wrong?
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:42, Reply)
try it on lots of practice pieces first
Best thing to do is to clamp lots of straight bits of wood around the area so that you make a frame for the router to bump in to, so that you never drill outside of the target area.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:47, Reply)
Yeah, thanks, that's kind of what I was thinking of.
I was going to make up a jig, probably from an off-cut of wood or something. I know that it'll be hidden by the scratchplate but I'm not going to take risks.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:56, Reply)
Watch plenty of youtube videos m8
I bought my router six months ago and ruined plenty of decent pieces of wood before getting to grips with it
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:07, Reply)
I ruined your nan's piece with my router.

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:21, Reply)
your nan got to grips with my decent wood m8

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:26, Reply)
celebrate by rocking out in your underwear and drinking JD straight from the bottle

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:11, Reply)
does he look like a motherfucking role model?

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:13, Reply)
I got hammered
this time last year in a pool drinking JD with my in laws. Had no idea what they were on about - they're Brazilian.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:43, Reply)
I reckon you could drink so much that you turn portugese

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:48, Reply)
Not that great with booze
much better dealing with a comedown than a hangover.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:57, Reply)
what model of MM guitar please

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:12, Reply)
Ok, well seeing as how you're routing it I'd say it's probably not a particularly expensive one
So it's almost certainly a Sterling. So I'm guessing it's either a Stingray or a Cutlass. Good conversation, TH
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:32, Reply)
Thanks TH
You're great and I love you
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:32, Reply)
You're great and I love you too

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:33, Reply)
More likely to be a Stringray actually
I imagine there's already enough room in a Cutlass to swap out the pickups
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:35, Reply)
Ah, actually it could be the Axis
You know, the one that used to be called the EVH model before he teamed up with Fender
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:37, Reply)
Naah
Sub1

USA made tho. It's a HH but I fancy a SSS configuration so I'm going to route out a single coil shape in the middle and cut a new scratchplate.

I've already got an SG so fancy some spangly fun!
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:41, Reply)
Ah, cool
You could always split the coils of the HB's. I dare say they're 4 conductor.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:43, Reply)
That being said, you wouldn't get the quacky goodness of a middle pickup

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:44, Reply)
Spot on
I've got a set of Fender Texas hots I'm eager to wire in! I really want that out-of-phase sound, and I've got coil taps on the SG which is nice, but not the real deal.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:59, Reply)
I've got a RWRP Fat 50 in the middle of my mexi strat
It's beezer. If you consider SRV to be beezer that is.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:09, Reply)
I've had a 2-EQ stingray
since about 1995. I would not go near that with any woodworking tools...
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:44, Reply)
No, that's very sensible

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:45, Reply)
thank you

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:36, Reply)
no problem
I've still got my spunkem gif on stand-by. Maybe today will be the day.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:49, Reply)
fuck off

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:35, Reply)
good point

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:36, Reply)
thanks, i felt this thread lacked purpose

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:45, Reply)
It's insisting upon itself, if you ask me

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:46, Reply)
fucking come on then, cunt

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:49, Reply)
Come on lads, let's keep it civil

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:50, Reply)
We've all had a few

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:51, Reply)
ooooh, I love a good wedding

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:52, Reply)
I have a hat you can borrow

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:54, Reply)
not really a hat guy but thank you

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:58, Reply)
still got a full head of hair then

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:05, Reply)

www.smartambala.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/acme-1866107.jpg
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:08, Reply)
that's so hot
gaz me
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:20, Reply)
I don't fight poofs might catch saink when I bite your fucking nose off

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 9:58, Reply)
you'll be hard pressed to do that when I've knocked your fucking teeth out

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:00, Reply)
Knocking one out over my teeth more like you shit stabber

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:07, Reply)
by the looks of it I can't tell whether your face or arsehole has taken more of a beating, rent boy

(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 10:08, Reply)
hello forum friends
how are you this evening?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 20:59, Reply)
just peachy
how are you pigeonston?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:03, Reply)
yeah, alright
just having a pint and a vape in this hotel i'm staying in
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:05, Reply)
alright,
still got a gammy shoulder though, doc's given me another week's worth of anti-Bs.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:14, Reply)
how'd you do your shoulder in?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:18, Reply)
it did itself in somehow,
got a big red boil about the size of a tuppence
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:24, Reply)
got any pics?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:51, Reply)

boil about the size of a
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:26, Reply)
Shitfaced

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:15, Reply)
class
what you drinking?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:18, Reply)
Bet it's Lambrini.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:02, Reply)
A draw has fallen off , Weill the face plate, I need dovetailed joints

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:19, Reply)
yeah, i could go for a joint too haha
#420
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:22, Reply)
Ok

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:45, Reply)
thumb

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:50, Reply)
Glass of wine and a spliff is going down a storm thanks m8.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:25, Reply)
nice one meight8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:51, Reply)
Happy, thank you for enquiring

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:40, Reply)
How r u lol

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:40, Reply)
i'm ok lol

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:51, Reply)
I never realised you're both called lol

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:59, Reply)
JK Lol

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:11, Reply)
hello mofaha

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:12, Reply)
+ing

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:24, Reply)
it's a mixed picture here The Doveston

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:55, Reply)
hope u r ok hun xxx

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:03, Reply)
actually irl my name is lol
(+ xxx)
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:07, Reply)
Want to see my new bike The Doveston?
Here it is i.imgur.com/WB7RtfS.jpg

Now get fucked.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:02, Reply)
yeah, i was thinking about getting a new mountain bike
i got a road bike at the mo but i fancy doing some of the forest trails and seriously injuring myself
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:05, Reply)
I was really quite tempted myself by some of the road bikes that are on offer at the moment.
That's a 2017 Whyte bike right there, which is what ultimately swayed me towards the mountain and not the road.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:08, Reply)
, and that has made all the difference

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:10, Reply)
! yeah I didn't want a 2016 bike.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:17, Reply)
What size small ring, it looks diddy

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:35, Reply)
Yes there are only 2 and 9 at the rear.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:38, Reply)
Thanks, however that didn't really answer my question

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:56, Reply)
To be honest "what size small ring" didn't really give me much to work with
I wasn't entirely sure English was your first language and wrongly assumed you had just made a hash of what you meant to type.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 23:16, Reply)

wasn't entirely sure English was your first language and wrongly assumed you had just made a hash of what you meant to type.

t just have me the raging horn.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 23:19, Reply)
The bit that the chain runs around at the front is called a chainring. There are two of them on your bike, one is smaller.
I was commenting that it appears to be rather tiny and have very few teeth, thus necessitating pedalling like a bastard just to go at walking speed.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 0:00, Reply)
On the plus side you'll be able to go up 45º slopes.
So slowly that you'll end up falling over sideways, probably.
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 0:06, Reply)

www.bikehugger.com/m/view/the-rise-of-the-compact-crank
(, Wed 24 Aug 2016, 6:34, Reply)
Great, turns out I don't need to go to work

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:16, Reply)
did you get fired?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 22:33, Reply)
Evening
What shall I have from the actually quite decent Guildford Holiday Inn menu?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 17:37, Reply)
how deep is your wallet?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 17:50, Reply)
I can spend £28 on food and alcohol paid for by work.
Anything else is out of my own pocket.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 17:55, Reply)
hm so just some hairy boiled sweets or something?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 17:56, Reply)
I'm all for booze

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 17:59, Reply)
The Bee Gees shrewdly re-recorded their hits for the Israeli market

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:30, Reply)
My grandfather would have appreciated this joke.
He's not here, so I'll appreciate it for him.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:55, Reply)
as the Boy Goys

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:06, Reply)
A big bucket of tits

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:24, Reply)

big bucket pint
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:09, Reply)
No need to be greedy I suppose

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:50, Reply)
Two second hand fannies and a jar of guffs (extra large)

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:31, Reply)
Would you like to see my new toy McBeef?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:38, Reply)
Here it is anyway
i.imgur.com/WB7RtfS.jpg
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:41, Reply)
Jeez
Who chose that wallpaper?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:52, Reply)
The rents.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:56, Reply)
Do you live with your parents?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:58, Reply)
No. But while I have been away my bike was going to be delivered so I had it shipped there.
Jesus. The fucking questions ;)
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 20:04, Reply)
My home town, that.
There's a couple of pretty good pubs not too far from you.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:33, Reply)
Those being...

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:38, Reply)
NOT TOO FAR AWAY
God, why don't you listen?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:39, Reply)
Thanks for the info.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:41, Reply)
No worries.
I've just noticed you said Holiday Inn, not Premier Inn. There's nothing near you, you've done this whole thing wrong. Soz.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:44, Reply)
You dingus

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:47, Reply)
I'm not the one staying in the wrong hotel.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 18:47, Reply)
Good point.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:03, Reply)
bottle of JD

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:02, Reply)
Scampi chips and a pint of mild. Get the bar man to put together a fake receipt so it looks like you spent it and pocket the cash.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:05, Reply)
Ah if only

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:14, Reply)
Proper Holiday Inn or Holiday Inn Express?
HIE is just microwaved shite
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:10, Reply)
Proper one this time

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:14, Reply)
Blow and a steakjob
Obviously
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:38, Reply)
Sounds reasonable.
There are actually quite a lot of attractive ladies work here. Especially at breakfast.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:49, Reply)
A couple of brasses

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:43, Reply)
phwoar! tits and stuff!
better be black ones
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:47, Reply)
Not sure there are any around here.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 19:49, Reply)
And if they bring their own dead dogs, so much the better.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 20:55, Reply)
It's...like...as if you are in my head.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 21:35, Reply)
morning
plans for the evening?

Thanks
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:38, Reply)
quiet night
film, wool, possible wine
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:39, Reply)
explain "wool" pliss

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:41, Reply)
knitting
i'm halfway through a jimi hendrix blanket
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:41, Reply)
something about stitch mitchell

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:45, Reply)
?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:49, Reply)
!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:51, Reply)
¡¿

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:53, Reply)
Vg

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:55, Reply)
Just no.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:47, Reply)
all along the wooltower

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:51, Reply)
Purlple Haze

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:58, Reply)
beautiful

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:00, Reply)
nah, i've knitted all the purple
i'm doing the brown for his face tonight
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:01, Reply)
rapist

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:02, Reply)
too much like hard work, that

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:06, Reply)
I can't work these into puns, but will be listening to them shortly -
Manic Depression
Gypsy Eyes
The Wind Cries Mary
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:09, Reply)
His best track is Drivin' South off the BBC Sessions
You're welcome
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:11, Reply)
That 2cd collection is superb *nods*

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:23, Reply)
A

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:48, Reply)
Cross-stitch Traffic

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:05, Reply)
pff

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:07, Reply)
darts probably
or whist
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:40, Reply)
nice
you should come up with a new game combining the two
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:41, Reply)
Wharts

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:04, Reply)
dhirt

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:22, Reply)
probably

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:48, Reply)
cool

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:53, Reply)
prolly go round to Two Hat's place and throw some arrows and drink some cheap supermarket lager

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:50, Reply)
fancy a game of whist?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:51, Reply)
always

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:52, Reply)
Good
Suit, Bid or German?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:03, Reply)
Strip

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:06, Reply)
suit
never German
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:07, Reply)
you know how uncomfortable that makes me feel

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:08, Reply)
I know, I just thought I'd ask
in case you'd changed your mind
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:15, Reply)
^ film a new series of Vicious

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:02, Reply)
I'm dying. Probably just crawl into bed.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:51, Reply)
good luck with the funeral and stuff

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:54, Reply)
Out on the smash, holiday style

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:54, Reply)
I used to fucking hate instant mash.
you?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:56, Reply)
Absolutely

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:02, Reply)
also, what's with people putting egg in mash?!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:03, Reply)
That's not real, no one does that surely

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 17:12, Reply)
I'll mix egg into leftover mash before frying it, but I assume that's not what you mean?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 17:18, Reply)
Maybe Ikea.
Maybe a hair cut.

My fate has not been decided yet.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:57, Reply)
we went to a ikea the other day
it was dead
strange
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:58, Reply)
Mid week is great, it is empty, no bother
The best time to go I've found is when the rugby is on. Silent in there.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:00, Reply)
yeah, we went mid week
we also saw the queue for food was short when we got there so we thought we'd get something to eat straight away, yet it took a team of people 2 hours to serve 10 people, never again!
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:03, Reply)
Hopefully finish the motorbike.
Then ride it to wheelers and see if it'll pass an MOT. Fork seals are a bit dodgy, so probably not, but he's a kind fella and might give me a pass.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:59, Reply)
noice
it's great when people actually pass a vehicle that is clearly very safe
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:01, Reply)
Apart from the fork seals nothing wrong with her at all.
Got rid of and patched up all the rust on the frame, brakes are good, tyres are fine, engine mounts all sound. If the fork seals are a fail, it'll be 20 quid and a couple hours work. I'd do them before, but I've not got a soft vice at home and don't want to take it in to work to do unless I have to.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:05, Reply)
I can see this descending into a comic exchange involving four kseals.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:12, Reply)
What's a kseal?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:17, Reply)
I don't think it's a thing. I hope it is, just so you can reenact the two Ronnies sketch.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:21, Reply)
Nothing, what's a kseal with you?
jajajajaja
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:37, Reply)
Dunno, might read a book or something.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:06, Reply)
bullshit

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:16, Reply)
You're right, I'll really be 'avin it large
I can only appologise for lying to everyone
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:24, Reply)
alright, George Costanza

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:16, Reply)
Yeah Jerry I am.
Did you ever find out what the deal with airline food is?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:22, Reply)
no never did find that out

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:25, Reply)
it's Richard Branson trying to manipulate politicians

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:25, Reply)
I don't understand you. I really don't.
You have nothing better to do at three o' clock in the afternoon? I go out for a quart of milk, I come home, and find... my son treating his body like it was an amusement park!
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:27, Reply)
Too bad you can’t do that for a living.
You’d be very successful at it. You could sell out Madison Square Garden. Thousands of people could watch you! You could be a big star!
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:29, Reply)
Kegel exercises

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:31, Reply)
I've got a really good gif lined up for implying that someone has done a lot of spunkem for some reason
can't wait to use it
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:37, Reply)
man mess time!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:40, Reply)
I bet it's Stan's dad from South Park claiming it's 'ectoplasm'.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:49, Reply)
oh man, are you in for a treat

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:52, Reply)
Have this to keep you going
i.imgur.com/9FZ6Got.jpg
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:53, Reply)
a young richard dawkins

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:56, Reply)

i.imgur.com/7eYjOhu.jpg
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:57, Reply)
that's clearly someone who spends their life on 4chan and infowars.com

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:58, Reply)
or Jeff Dunham getting ready for a Vegas show

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 16:59, Reply)
Sup /b/

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 17:17, Reply)
Learned anything recently?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:24, Reply)
I prefer learnt, but then I'm english

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:26, Reply)
yes

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:30, Reply)
no u never, thick cunt

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:42, Reply)
well did

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:43, Reply)
yeah I bet you did u boff
got an A and an apple for teacher too I bet
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:45, Reply)
E=MC², 1066, England 4 - Germany 2, Neil Amstrong
there
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:47, Reply)
"Amstrong"?
you dopey twat
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:54, Reply)
that's how I spell it m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:28, Reply)
It's a really muscular 1980s home computer.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:38, Reply)
armstrong was never intended to be the first one out of the spaceboat
i only found that out the other day
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:08, Reply)
They got sick of the trumpet and kicked him out probably

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:28, Reply)
and his limbs stretching all over the place
in space? nightmare
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:31, Reply)
They couldn't have picked a worse person for the job really

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:40, Reply)
The whole thing was a botch job, Scorsese's worst film
I mean, Buzz Light year and Stretch Armstrong go to the moon? Wallace and Gromit did it years before, and better
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:50, Reply)
for FUCK's sake
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-37164237
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:02, Reply)
#takebackcontrol

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:04, Reply)
I wish my life was so uncomplicated that complaining about a picture of a flag on a punnet of fucking strawberries was worthy of my time

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:06, Reply)
Me 2 m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:09, Reply)
I prefer to use my time complaining about people who complain about flags on strawberry punnets
and crib
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:17, Reply)
Just last night I was learning more about the battle of the Teutoburg Forest
Specifically about the respective tactics of Varus and Arminius. Fascinating stuff.


Tl;dr yes thanks
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:30, Reply)
Do you do reenactments?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:32, Reply)
Fuck no

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:35, Reply)
^ busty wench at the Renaissance Fair

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:45, Reply)
Poo-to-Bleurgh forest more like

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:32, Reply)
That's an alternative pronunciation but ok sure

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:36, Reply)
yessss

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:36, Reply)
PUBElius QUIMtilius VAGius more like!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:35, Reply)
*nods*

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:36, Reply)
welease wodawic!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:50, Reply)
Haha, quoting Monty Python is well cool!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:59, Reply)
ahahaha "NI"

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:00, Reply)
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
and lick the road clean with our tongues
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:04, Reply)
Haha! Classic!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:05, Reply)
^^ A very naughty boy ^^

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:06, Reply)
My brain operates on a "one in, one out" policy,
so I try to avoid learning anything new, less I forget something important.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:30, Reply)
The old 'hokey cokey' technique

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:49, Reply)
that i'm shit at rolling pastry

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:31, Reply)
My hands are to warm to work with any sort of dough.
Doctors think the missus might have Reynaud's, so she has no trouble making pastry.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:38, Reply)

Reynaud's rolling pins for hands
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:39, Reply)
I've sold the film rights to Tim Burton.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:41, Reply)
Danny Elfman doing the score?
And I can only assume that Helena B-C will be playing your wife
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:46, Reply)
Only at weekends.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:50, Reply)
helena big-cunt?
bit rude, mat8
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:09, Reply)
i can just never get the pastry thin enough

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:43, Reply)
^^ Kneaded a poo ^^

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:55, Reply)
^^ Professional crimper ^^

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:56, Reply)
^^ Chef de Shartit ^^

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:06, Reply)
^^ Loves a chocolate finger ^^

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:31, Reply)

finger log
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:33, Reply)
squishes between the fingers

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:02, Reply)
He's right....but still
www.theguardian.com/education/2016/aug/23/ofsted-chair-david-hoare-quits-after-isle-of-wight-ghetto-remarks
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:35, Reply)
that lousy hoare

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:09, Reply)
hoares will have their trinkets

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:15, Reply)
Having grown up* there, I can see he has a point.
*but wasn't born
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:49, Reply)
That my dentist stores man-mess in a drawer

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:36, Reply)
Oh, now I get it!
I wondered why you were so amused by "HAN - MESS".
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:40, Reply)
the fact that the other two drawers were also in alphabetical order didn't tip you off?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:40, Reply)
You said the middle one was funny, so I only looked at that.
I don't like to put in any more effort than is absolutely necessary.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:49, Reply)
you really are a div

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:32, Reply)
Frogs legs are pretty shit

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:36, Reply)
I don't mnd them
Snails however...if you need to soak something in a gallon of garlic butter, that's nature's way of telling you that it's not edible
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:37, Reply)
Had some last night for the first time, nothing special
I likened it to a chicken wing, only the chicken tastes like fish.

Snails I don't have a problem with really, but I agree its more the butter / sauce you cook them in that makes them nice
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:42, Reply)
I'm having vegetarian tonight
might invite Tangled
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:45, Reply)
no french food is edible mate
it's overcomplicated nonsense saturated in a dozen different herbs in order to render the shit local ingredients somewhat edible. They only make decent booze to drown their misery at not having Cottage Pie for dinner each night.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:44, Reply)
I dunno
I like a crepe
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:48, Reply)
I bet you fucking do

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:49, Reply)
it's a pancake you pretentious fuck

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:53, Reply)
If I buy a crepe from a crepe guy, it's a fucking crepe

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:56, Reply)
I once saw a creperie and pizzeria in France called 'Crep 'n Pizz' true story.
/ac
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:00, Reply)
Like the legendary CHICK-PIZZ takeaway in Stoke Newington.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:18, Reply)
^ buys his pancakes from a creepy guy

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:00, Reply)
But cottege pie is a shit mousaka is a shit lasagne

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:48, Reply)
Not really, no.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:53, Reply)
If we're splitting hairs I prefer shepherds pie to cottage pie
But only because I prefer lamb to beef
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:55, Reply)
I prefer lamb to beef and all.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:56, Reply)
you're one of those fish that's had its tongue replaced with a parasite

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:54, Reply)
And you've got form for being wrong about food.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:56, Reply)
well you're in the same boat now aren't you, spaztongue

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:05, Reply)
Helena Bonham Carter?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:57, Reply)
French fries are alright

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:49, Reply)
oh, so it's learned with a t but chips are french fries?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:55, Reply)
Different things

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:58, Reply)
Only if they're sliced reeeeeeally thin

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:59, Reply)
Aren't they Belgian, though?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:01, Reply)
Flemish HAKSHUALLY
But Flem Fries doesn't have the same ring to it
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:04, Reply)
Same thing.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:06, Reply)
Ah, but I had frogs legs at a Chinese place
And as we all know the Chinese can make soup out of pig knuckles, so frogs legs isn't that much of a leap. They really will eat anything, good mentality to have regarding food I guess
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:52, Reply)
Frogs can leap quite far, on account of their legs.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:54, Reply)
Bit racist

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:54, Reply)
Zut alors!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:56, Reply)
I've had a banana fritter from a Chinese before.
I'm not sure what my point is here.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:57, Reply)
They're lush, had a couple of them as well
Also had a minor argument about the fact that sushi was on the menu despite it being a Chinese place, still ended up having some though as sushi is lovely
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:02, Reply)
Our local Malaysian restaurant does lovely banana fritters.
They used to do a nice cold tapioca, but took it off the menu as I was the only one who ever ordered it, up until the time they started adding sweetcorn to it, after which no one ever ordered it.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:04, Reply)
i had them last time i was in france
it was in a chinese restaurant
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:14, Reply)
I learnt that Gormo wanks in the office.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:59, Reply)
I don't though

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:00, Reply)
Sure.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:01, Reply)
That jungle curry is a butt killer

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:14, Reply)
the difference between primary and secondary psychopathy
personality-testing.info/tests/LSRP.php

i got 1.3 and 3.2
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:14, Reply)
I'm just about to finish reading the Psychopath Test.
I was partially worked I was a woefully unambitious Psychopath did a while.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:24, Reply)
...
wot?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:29, Reply)

k ri
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:52, Reply)
Swiftkey is a dickhead.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:58, Reply)
2.6 and 2.8
what does that mean?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:28, Reply)
That boy needs therapy!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:30, Reply)
oh

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:58, Reply)
I still don't know what any of this means

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:23, Reply)
You're a nut!
You're crazy in the coconut!
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:30, Reply)
Purely psychosomatic!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:34, Reply)
2.3 and 3.3
Mildy worrying to someone who would give a fuck
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:45, Reply)
2.7 and 1.3
so not as bad as many would think
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:50, Reply)
Ho ho ho
Infallible man actually fallible
Edit: this on the Links board as well. Yes, there is a Links board
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:10, Reply)
Is 'ram-packed' an actual thing?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:22, Reply)
Jam packed yes
Spam packed, possibly
Ram packed, no
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:33, Reply)
it is in Wales

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:52, Reply)
I can think of no reason why the British Virgin Island parent company owned tax dodging privatised rail company reliant on state subsidies would come out with something to discredit someone campaigning for rail re-nationalisation.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 15:31, Reply)
Hi everyone, Ol' Flebbo here with a hot, hot, hot new thread for you all on this glorious day.
Now that the thrill-a-minute PE World Cup is over, what are you looking forward to next? If the answer is 'not much Richard' then perhaps you could tell everyone how much you can bench.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:12, Reply)
Russell Kane stand-up special

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:13, Reply)
alwaez

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:13, Reply)
your edit has been deleted, ma8te
i'm so sorry
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:18, Reply)
wot 1 m8?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:21, Reply)
on the wiki page for russells

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)
:(
must be some Russ deniers out there
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:28, Reply)

Russel Kane massive drugs crash/
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:01, Reply)
No idea who you are, but I like your work

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 14:22, Reply)
My mum's coming to visit next month
I bought a cat and it died of old age since the last time she visited
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:13, Reply)
Looking forward to my upcoming trip to Portsmouth.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:13, Reply)
pop in at Two Hats BBQ

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:14, Reply)
:'(

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:16, Reply)
Might get the whole family to take a shit on his lawn.
He'll have the best tomatoes, ever.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:16, Reply)
might release my own brand of bbq sauces
picture of me on the front wearing a cowboy hat or summat. Thoughts?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:27, Reply)
cowboy hat and nothing else

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:29, Reply)
well obviously

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:30, Reply)
you have to let a brain-damaged muscular pensioner make fun of your face for a bit first, i think

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:40, Reply)
good god almighty

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:51, Reply)
I'll be there

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:28, Reply)
+ You and I will make a pact; we will bring salvation back
where there is love
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:03, Reply)
just call my name

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:10, Reply)
, said no-one ever

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:14, Reply)
I'll going to Worthing tomorrow
Make of that what you will.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:14, Reply)
are you really coming to portsmouth?
why?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:20, Reply)
To deliver my Dingbats complaints in person.
As mentioned some months previous, the family and I are coming down for the Victorious festival.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:49, Reply)
oh yeah, of course
it doesn't look as good as last year but i hope you have a lovely time. if you feel like being nice, go and see brandon lebbie. he's a good kid
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:53, Reply)
Ta.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:58, Reply)
it's always going to be hard to top a year with the flaming lips headlining

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:01, Reply)
I see there's a "Real Ale Village" - I will endeavor to get myself lost in that.
Missus only booked it because the Levellers are on, I think.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:05, Reply)
Time for my Levellers anecdote to get a dusting-off and airing, I think

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:06, Reply)
Careful now, fat Janet used to bang on about them, don't get involved

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:07, Reply)
Another lost /talker.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:11, Reply)
I'm sure she's visible on google maps easy enough

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:17, Reply)
the tl;dr is that they are pricks, and fannies

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:19, Reply)
No doubt they spotted you for the crypto-fascist* that you so obviously are.
*Is that the sort of thing that crusties would accuse people of?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:55, Reply)
With their preachy boring songs, it doesn't surprise me
They're like a crapper version of The Waterboys.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:08, Reply)
I'm going to shout 'MONSTER MUNCH' at everyone with a silly moustache
the law of averages says that one of them is bound to be you
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:25, Reply)
Good idea. I'm certain that I'll get in to no trouble if I shout "TWO HATS!" at passing strangers.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:39, Reply)
particularly shouting it at heavy set bald guys with long beards

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:52, Reply)
trying to find a picture for this post, i stumbled across this gem
heaviermetal.net/slayers-kerry-king-will-let-you-rub-his-belly-for-66-dollars
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:55, Reply)
wow

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:03, Reply)
*makes notes*
looks like Dwalin...
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:55, Reply)

Dwalin Bombur
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:38, Reply)
300, easy - just sayin

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:16, Reply)
sick gains brah

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:17, Reply)
I can squat a 430

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:17, Reply)

squ bl
t a yze it
3 2
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:18, Reply)
ibyc
ydob
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:19, Reply)
Huh?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:20, Reply)
He bets you can, and then calls you a 'dirty old bollocks'

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:22, Reply)
Thanks Richard

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:23, Reply)
it's shorthand
we need to preserve pixels
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)
future generations will be aghast at our cavalier attitude toward pixel use

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:29, Reply)
especially because of that adam sandler film

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:30, Reply)
*nods*

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:31, Reply)
*sods*

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:52, Reply)
Florence in a fortnight, new doors and windows for the front of the house while we're away.
And the motorbike is nearly there. I'll be popping wheelies and doing sick endos in no time
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:17, Reply)
Good stuff m8
We were going to do a day trip to Florence from Bologna, but decided that Florence merits a trip on its own and that would have been a waste of good Bologna time.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:19, Reply)
Yeah, we did a weekend in Florence a couple years back and it was not enough time at all.
Hence the week now. Got a lovely flat with its own terrace so I can wave my willy at the duomo in peace.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:21, Reply)
as far as i'm aware you can still get a 20% discount on watches in italy, you could pay for your entire trip when the uk price increase come along

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)
I can probably afford 1 decent watch. What do you suggest?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:32, Reply)
get one with a calculator on, m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:33, Reply)
To sell a date or non date submariner

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:35, Reply)
Thanks.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:43, Reply)
Don't sign the warranty card

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:44, Reply)
Wait. 6k? Alright, let's come down to like 2k.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:52, Reply)
I can't help , soz, won't turn a profit on 2k

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:57, Reply)
Maybe I'll go to Wonga

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:58, Reply)
It won't be 6k in Italy, haggle down under 4800 maybe less, sell for 5700 maybe even more if the 10% rise happens, you'll easy make a grand

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:04, Reply)
somebody's going to change the locks while you're away?
are you sure you've thought this through?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:41, Reply)
This is a good point.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:16, Reply)
IT'S TANGLES BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:22, Reply)
!!!
youtu.be/qSGK42KgLJU
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:30, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:35, Reply)
Hello friend
My mother bought me some chutney (haha, chutney!) called Evil Chili Chutney. It has jalapenos and naga jolokia in it. It is hot. I like hot things. It burned my lips.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)
Sounds gr8
I made chilli and garlic mustard on the weekend, it's vg
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:30, Reply)
^ sounds like barnaby bear

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:30, Reply)
Today being over.
For reference - I got up in the small hours of the morning for a shit and ended up having to spew into my bath.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:26, Reply)
You're doing pooing wrong, m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:26, Reply)
Poo is a bum thing right?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:32, Reply)
I was raised to believe so

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:32, Reply)

i.imgur.com/306haHS.png (sfw)
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:52, Reply)
Nah. I done a poo AS WELL.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:43, Reply)
I am looking forward to tomorrow and seeing a new sunrise
Life is precious Richard. Precious.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:26, Reply)
If only others could see this, m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:31, Reply)
They need a cat that wakes them up at stupid o'clock as well

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:37, Reply)
i live in the moment, soz

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:29, Reply)
I think I found MONO!
i.imgur.com/SHD0MFT.gifv
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:31, Reply)
*guilty lol*

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:34, Reply)
Like a face drawn on a hairy thumb

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:44, Reply)
The guy in the black shirt is using the force, isn't he?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:51, Reply)
I just discovered the hard way that both traps are out of bog roll.
And had to resort to wiping my arse with a possibly used tissue I found in my pocket.

Today isn't going well.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:16, Reply)
^snotty bum

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:20, Reply)
Before finding the tissue I was weighing up whether to sacrifice a sock or use the fiver in my wallet.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:22, Reply)
Unless it's a cum tissue, because you might want to check if you're bum pregnant

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:21, Reply)
I find it disturbing that you'd think I'd just wander about with jizzy tissues in my work trousers.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:23, Reply)
You sort of come accross as an office wank sort of guy.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:24, Reply)
Well I'm not.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:27, Reply)
Sure.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:31, Reply)
^gormo todd

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:24, Reply)
That was a grim episode.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:59, Reply)
Im in that there London this weekend. so, that.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:22, Reply)
Richard is going out drinking with arson Dave, you should tag along.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:25, Reply)
Is he out?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:26, Reply)
Richard I mean
and by 'out' I mean a big booted bugger bum boy
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:27, Reply)
Yes

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:30, Reply)
We've got BBC news 24 on in the office.
Fucking hell m8 they dedicated half an hour to filming a plane land.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:36, Reply)
Big black cock?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:39, Reply)
24 hour coverage, mate.
It's a lot of spunk.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:41, Reply)
Is landing a plane a euphemism for something then?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:42, Reply)
Landing a gold-nosed Jumbo is *definitely* a euphemism.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 12:45, Reply)
payday
then i can buy wool and start on my megamind blanket
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:18, Reply)
Building work starting
then building work being finished.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 13:21, Reply)
I bought a load of furniture from a massive bloke yesterday
He and my brother in law stood around chatting about bench lifting techniques and gym injuries while I loaded everything into two cars. Now I'm all stiff and in pain cos those two meatheads couldn't lift a finger without having a protein shake nearby.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:13, Reply)
Should have bought a bench for them to lift.
Morning, by the way.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:15, Reply)
<strikey-g> shirt
alt: morning momu
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:17, Reply)
Did you say "yes" to yesterday's proposal, or did you break his heart?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:23, Reply)
He bottled it m8
I think he's still trying to work out the ring size
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:29, Reply)
Tommy gillet is still serving his 8 year sentence for bottling a birds ring

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:46, Reply)
anyone want to buy a strikey-g shirt?
i retain all the merchandising rights as creator. i've got my indentured servant working on a design for the inevitable cartoon
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:07, Reply)
no thanks m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:01, Reply)
well at least you were polite enough to answer
you're one of the good ones, mcbeef
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)
I try, m8 - I try.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:04, Reply)
got a new thread in you?
this one's played out, sucka
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:08, Reply)
I've tried, but it's pretty shit tbh

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:12, Reply)
it'll do, it'll do

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:15, Reply)
Strikey Tees™?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:07, Reply)
yeah, that's what they'll be called
this in no way entitles you to any profits
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:08, Reply)
This thread will stand as Prior Art, and I will destroy you in court.
Unless, of course, someone with mod privileges were to alter my post, but I can't imagine anyone here being so underhanded.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:10, Reply)
prior fart more like
i'll just delete it
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:15, Reply)
cool story, bro

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:15, Reply)
would you like an exercise or furniture related question?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:22, Reply)
not sure
what furniture was it?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:24, Reply)
Do you remember how we all bullied 2Can for spending thousands on kid furniture?
Yeah, it was that sort of stuff, only for a fraction of the price 'cos it's six months old.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:27, Reply)
nice

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:32, Reply)
Well you know what they say
You gotta be dench to lift a bench
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:17, Reply)
sick

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:18, Reply)
choice

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:20, Reply)
I had to watch the night man cometh last night

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:23, Reply)
Tom Hiddleston is dreamy.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:29, Reply)
he looks like a terrified weasel

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:33, Reply)
I don't think "dench" is a word, 2H.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:19, Reply)
It's whatever you want it to be, flower

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:20, Reply)

www.staydench.com
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:32, Reply)
but what if i don't WANT a t-shirt, beanie, vest, sweatshirt, snapback or tracksuit?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:40, Reply)
I wouldn't place an order then

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:45, Reply)
Well then you are quite, quite mad

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:49, Reply)
wibble!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:09, Reply)
When did baseball caps become "snapbacks"?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:58, Reply)
Since they invented the snap back , it's also a brand

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:02, Reply)
I see.
I wasn't aware that the plastic poppers round the back were such a defining feature.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:06, Reply)
I thought snapbacks were those long bracelet things you slapped over your arm in the 90s

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:07, Reply)
They're just snap bracelets I think.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:07, Reply)
oh, those bracelets that you slap?
they're called slap bracelets
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:08, Reply)
you shut your slap mouth m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:11, Reply)
you couldn't reach/get though the growth, girly man

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:14, Reply)

I wouldn't want to anyway
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:18, Reply)
you think i'd waste good sardines?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:20, Reply)
obvs not
you're just saving it for later
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:22, Reply)
This is like a practise
for our conversations in the care home.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:06, Reply)
Tell that to Judy.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:33, Reply)
mono, you mean?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:41, Reply)
what time do you call this?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:32, Reply)
bloody work
driving me to distraction
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:17, Reply)
here, this'll cheer you up. the name anyway
www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-37154456
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:20, Reply)
Ah, that's lovely
They're getting that in my dentist's, I think
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:23, Reply)
chicken dentist?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)
SPOT ME BRO

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:20, Reply)
There he is!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:21, Reply)
Look, Spot.
Oh, look.
Look and see.
Oh, see.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:32, Reply)
Fucking hell, teaching kids this shit would be the way to grow up into a nation of complete morons.
Oh
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:33, Reply)
Replying up here, not started the 250 yet.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:44, Reply)
Oh, I got them mixed up
I thought it was the 175 that was rusting quietly in your shed
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:47, Reply)
I've found a local guy that is willing to strip and rechrome the shiny bits, and I'm going to tackle the frame myswlf.
A lot of the work on that is going to slowly cleaning all the rust off the parts that haven't been stored very well since 1992.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:52, Reply)
If you've not tried it before, I highly recommend an electrolysis tank
Really easy to set up if you've got a car battery charger, and I cleaned up a load of brake calipers and ia complete diff a complete diff that way. Works wonders.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:10, Reply)
I did that to get the rust out of the inside of the 175 tank.
Can just dip stuff in it can I? Is it safe for engine and gearbox stuff? Clutch plates and the like?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:12, Reply)
Yeah, it's just baking soda and charged particles
My diff didn't leak before it went in, and it didn't leak afterwards. Just remember that it's going to get wet so the rust will bloom on it within minutes once it's out of the tank, so be aware of stuff like caliper pistons.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:15, Reply)
Cool. I'll look in to it.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:19, Reply)
You're a complete diff
Dick, I mean
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:25, Reply)
Also, I had 2 guys work with me who were all muscle and talked about muscles.
They were good at lifting heavy stuff, but had little stamina when it came to beer deliveries.

I had to shift nearly a ton of Aubiose by hand yesterday, my back is fine because I'm not a crippled old Polish lego train hermit
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:50, Reply)
you're the real hero of b3ta

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:51, Reply)
oh, you ride horses, now it all makes sense

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:55, Reply)
No I don't mate.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:56, Reply)
of course you do

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:57, Reply)
"ride"

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:58, Reply)
^ shoegazer

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:00, Reply)
\o/

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:12, Reply)
Why would you think that?
I do own a horse but I've not ever ridden it. I think I've ridden a horse maybe twice in my life.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:59, Reply)
i don't like 'em. big moody cunts.
mono, i mean
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:13, Reply)
I'm not right keen either.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:18, Reply)
you're the reason this place is so tediously shit

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:29, Reply)
how un-moody cunt of you to say so

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:37, Reply)
great, well done

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:40, Reply)
cool

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
Why is he so salty?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
i dunno

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:50, Reply)
Roids m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:53, Reply)
He's always been like this , a low whining drone somewhere in the background

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:54, Reply)
Oh yeah, check me out
I'm so fabulously wealthy that I've got a horse I don't even use. Not even for glue.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:26, Reply)
Her indoors rides it.
I did say to her about glue when it got a fracture in the leg, but she hit me.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:27, Reply)
take a picture and then draw dotted lines on it like a butchers diagram
refuse to answer any questions about it other than by saying "It's just in case anything happens"
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:48, Reply)
Good shout.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:49, Reply)
And staple a Iceland product buyer's business card to it

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:05, Reply)
TOPICAL!!!!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:06, Reply)
You can't eat horses!
Well, you could, but I don't see why you would, given the ready availability of superior meats.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:08, Reply)
I'm well aware I'm out of shape m8
you don't need to rub it in
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:12, Reply)
It's all that Goulash

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:12, Reply)
That's Hungarians m8
this is all pork ribs and dark beer and working from home
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:18, Reply)
Lift some heavy stuff.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:21, Reply)
I'm heavy enough as it is
I ordered one of these this week so that I can get ripped.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:25, Reply)
It'll be good to hang clothes to dry on.
Just eat a but less and move around a lot more and you'll be fine.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:27, Reply)
Gay

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:27, Reply)
He'll be Dench in no time.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:28, Reply)
Electrix Six made that joke yonks ago m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:32, Reply)
Joke?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:40, Reply)
here's a joke
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:46, Reply)
lolocaust more like!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:46, Reply)
we shouldn't joke about things like that
let's all learn from this and move on
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:46, Reply)
Bit subjective

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:47, Reply)

www.kotaku.co.uk/2016/08/22/an-australian-burger-joint-is-serving-morose-pokemon-burgers
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:52, Reply)
Related article
"10 foods to boost your vaginal health"
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 10:59, Reply)
i don't get that one
presumably the secret's out about your smelly fanny
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:01, Reply)
thanks :(

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:04, Reply)
I rather like those

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)
me too, the burnt tips on the doritos are an inspired touch

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:07, Reply)
Lol, gotta watch those Oz cunts they sneak beetroot into burgers the dirty buggers

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)
Shredded beetroot, quickly fried with vinegar, is lovely on a burger.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:06, Reply)
Fuck off

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:06, Reply)
no it isn't, what the fuck are you talking about
/ac
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Revolting
You probably think this is acceptable on a burger
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Not my preferred sort of roll.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:12, Reply)
this deserves credit

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:13, Reply)
It's nice that we can exit this thread on a bit of a high.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:15, Reply)


(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:13, Reply)
why are they morose?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)
They live next door to MONO

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:07, Reply)
they're about to be shoved into an australian's cakehole, ma8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 11:09, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 6:54, Reply)
That's certainly one way of looking at it.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:08, Reply)
I'm always receptive to other people's interpretations
no matter how idiotic they are
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:13, Reply)
Your tolerance of cretins is an example to us all.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:14, Reply)
nah, you're thinking of croutons ma8t

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:16, Reply)
I got no tolerance for croutons m8
coming over my salad bowl, soaking up my dressing.

FUCK OFF, I'M FULL
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:19, Reply)
bollocks
i reckon at salad bars you just get a bowl of croutons and bacon bits with a cucumber slice on top
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:21, Reply)
That sounds pretty good actually.
Like a deconstructed hipster sandwich
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:23, Reply)
I haven't been to a salad bar in yonks
but I'm all over bacon bits because I like the internet and it's told me bacon is all of teh ommynommynomsohgodIhatemyselfnow
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:25, Reply)
t3h b4yc0nz 0m n0m n0m

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:26, Reply)
I have to ration* my bacon intake
because brown sauce is a precious commodity over here

*pun intended
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:30, Reply)
i was about to say that surely it must be fairly easy to make your own
Until I looked for a recipe: www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/baconbuttyandbrownsa_91737

eff that yo
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:32, Reply)
I know it's the old stereotype of Brits abroad taking their own grub
but HP and malt vinegar are what I bulk buy when I'm in the UK. And my Dad learnt a painful lesson when the British Shop charged him a fiver for 40 bags of PG Tips cos he forgot to bring his own.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:34, Reply)
I was always rather snooty about people not embracing the local food when abroad
...until I went to Romania.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:40, Reply)
bet that was fucking rank

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:42, Reply)
not fit for dogs

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:42, Reply)
just look at this shit
easteuropeanfood.about.com/od/Romanian-Soups/r/Romanian-Sour-Meatball-Soup-Recipe-Ciorba-De-Perisoare.htm

Lumps of boiled grey meat in barely-flavoured water. With vinegar in it. ffs
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:43, Reply)
wankers

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:46, Reply)
even worse:
easteuropeanfood.about.com/od/Romanian-Soups/r/Cabbage-Ciorba.htm
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:48, Reply)
Truly indistinguishable from vomit

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
I blame Communism

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:50, Reply)
that or the orthodox church

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:50, Reply)
I blame Ainsley Harriott

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:51, Reply)
and radical Islam

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:52, Reply)
that cunt gets right up my nose

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:55, Reply)
worked with a Romanian ages ago
he loved greasy soups, offal and garlic sausage
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:45, Reply)
teh Garlic? Sausage? Garlic sausage?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:47, Reply)
dirty cunts

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:47, Reply)
sounds rather like panzanella

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:25, Reply)
pasta shaped like tanks?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:37, Reply)


(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
Bacon bits are the badger's nadgers.
Can you buy them outside of Pizza Hut?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:39, Reply)
yes

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:13, Reply)
Yes.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:14, Reply)
I was thinging of crampons
Way off-piste.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:34, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:27, Reply)
alright Richard

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:32, Reply)
I sure am, u?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:03, Reply)
no m8
I'm stiff, and not in the good sense
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
well at least you don't have a night out with the freshly released and tagged Arson Dave to look forward to

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:11, Reply)
yeah yeah rub it in why don't you
"Arson Dave's MY friend not YOURS, meh meh meh"
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:15, Reply)
He out already?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:18, Reply)
Yup, only did a few months

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:20, Reply)
Well, good luck.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:24, Reply)
it'll be a good laugh as long as I don't stay out too late
He owes me a few beers, I was sending him money for fags when he was inside
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:30, Reply)
i'm sure you'll have a FLAMING good time!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:18, Reply)
We're going to paint the town red!


Well, the sky.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:20, Reply)
you'll be feeling the burn the next day

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:23, Reply)
Tell me how it went
I don't want to have to give you the third degree...
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:30, Reply)
they'll be enjoying their drinks in the beer garden I expect
as it's expected to be a proper scorcher
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:35, Reply)
Beer?
I think they'll be on stronger fuel...
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:57, Reply)
sup

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:51, Reply)
wotcham8 mono

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
a'reet

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:23, Reply)
Got my indicators working, discovered new issue.
Side light on constantly, low beam switch puts the high beam on and low beam switch does the high beam. It's like a fucking clown has wired it.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:55, Reply)
You got the doggers
special pack edition. Probably has extra kleenex capacity in the door bins and fast-wind windows.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:57, Reply)
you wired it, didn't you

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:58, Reply)
no, he bought it off Joseph Grimaldi

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:03, Reply)
no, he didn't.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:04, Reply)
Yes I did mate

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
I think he's got 'roid rage m8
Too many protein supplements and under the counter bulking aids
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:07, Reply)
http://www.which-fit.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/image.jpg

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:35, Reply)
Telly Savalas is looking *ripped*, dude

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:37, Reply)
neither did you, stop making a scene

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
He's probably all angry from the roids

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:07, Reply)
hahahahah

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:07, Reply)
Proper lol

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:08, Reply)
Yes.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:05, Reply)
this bike just gets better and better

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:07, Reply)
To be honest, I've just had the headlight off and I swapped the leads round in the back of the headlight yesterday when I was running a new earth.
It wasn't a big deal.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:08, Reply)
what about the permanent sidelight though?
Fucked switch, or it's leeching power from elsewhere?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:26, Reply)
Nah, thats the way it's wired, permanently on.
I think it must have been in a country where side lights have to be on costantly. I could cut a switch in, but I used to ride with side lights anyway as it gives you that bit more visibility.
i.imgur.com/mHG73qw.jpg
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:29, Reply)
Recap please
what is this bike?
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:31, Reply)
Cz175. Some sort of amalgamation of a bunch of cz, the earliest being the frame appears to be about 1980 something.

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:40, Reply)
I'm well jealous!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:56, Reply)
oh, I thought this was the 250?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:06, Reply)
yeah, that would make sense
Czech's had that law for ages. When I did that mongol rally the filth sat outside the Prague car park we all camped in and busted every single car as it came out for not having lights on, because the Czechs are all cunts that speak like retarded Polish children.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:32, Reply)
Good morns to all
to the Grr and rest
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 7:56, Reply)
alright garidead

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:07, Reply)
starting my day with half a can of yesterday's Beck's

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:03, Reply)
the breakfast of Olympians

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:04, Reply)
He's a scientology nonce right?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
*sad nod*

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:19, Reply)
Ah well, I like plenty of music written by bellends.
I bought tangles record for a start.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:24, Reply)
you fool!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:28, Reply)
and just clap your hands and just clap your hands

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:09, Reply)
You're a. Loser baby

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:12, Reply)
So are. You m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:16, Reply)
morning grrr, all

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:17, Reply)
manimal

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:17, Reply)
ricardio

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:22, Reply)
Machomanmanolith

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:18, Reply)
he *is* a randy savage, it's true

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:19, Reply)
that's what the judge said

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:22, Reply)
MONO's being extremely aggressive this morning m8
I think it might be time for an intervention. He's been hanging round with too many Lithuanian cage fighters down the Apollo Gym, and Windy and I suspect he's been taking some dodgy pills in his incessant pursuit of 'gains'. I mean. sure, who doesn't like proper beasting it up in the pit - but it's getting out of hand.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:29, Reply)
tl;dr ban MONO please

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:31, Reply)
pretty soon his fingers will be too judy to post here anyway

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
i for one will be calling him 'judy fingers' from now on

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:53, Reply)
bullying cunt

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:01, Reply)
sorry jf

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:12, Reply)
gonna start an exercise thread later
you'd better polish up your gym banter m8
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:36, Reply)
I'm way ahead of you bro

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:37, Reply)
I look forward to pushing it down the board

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:43, Reply)
I've already offered manolith a tenner to delete on sight

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:44, Reply)
he's snuck in enough non-gym content to get around the deloltion :(

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:16, Reply)
we should support this weightlifting habit
he's already become a master of the reverse clean and jerk
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:44, Reply)
portsmouth reprezent

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:24, Reply)
wahey!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:38, Reply)
panowie!

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:39, Reply)
the mcbeef scale of jew

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:40, Reply)
*tips menorah*

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:46, Reply)
*doffs kippah*

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:48, Reply)
LPT Do not mistake being surrounded with people like yourself for being part of the majority.
I see this mostly with fringe anti-science groups and political groups. Because they surround themselves with people they agree with, they don't have perspective on their group's size relative to society at large.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:41, Reply)
Thanks for reading Reddit for us
Now precis Facebook for me
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:08, Reply)
Ahoy hoy
Had the ol' Jungle curry last night, paying for it thricefold this morning. Oh jeez my insides are killing me.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:47, Reply)
sounds racist
but I like it
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
For the more
PC of you. and by PC we mean the Prampy Crompyborts
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:50, Reply)
And this
Bullshit isn't helping
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
A short list off the top of my head that should be in there
Nighty Night
Him & Her
Attention Scum
The Armando Iannucci Show
Lead Balloon
15 Storeys High
Monkey Dust
Nathan Barley
Time Trumpet
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:57, Reply)
I'm sure social media skewed that
Ricky Gervais always asks his fans to vote up the Office on any poll
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:57, Reply)
Think a lot of my ire is towards Green Wing
Green Wing, for all of those people who either hadn't watched Jam, or had watched Jam and thought "What this needs is a very loose narrative and to be twice as long"
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:00, Reply)
I have to say this and then never say anything about it again...
I don't like Black Books

there
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:01, Reply)
Definitely not as great as everyone thinks it is

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 9:03, Reply)
you need an egg m8

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:50, Reply)
The one I've laid, or another one?

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:51, Reply)
another one

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:51, Reply)
Dunno if I can squeeze another egg out yet, might have to wait till the afternoon

(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:58, Reply)
Someone on the radio was just saying that people phone up and complain about the noise from a police helicopter quite regularly.
Doesn't that seem a bit daft?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:03, Reply)
Lol blanked

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:35, Reply)
if they're the police, who will police the police?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:35, Reply)
I dunno, coastguard?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:38, Reply)
^supplies his own knobs

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:40, Reply)
Not all of us are coastal dwellers.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:54, Reply)
Also Hampshire air ambulance attended an accident in Oxfordshire recently and 4 people died.
So thanks for nothing.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:54, Reply)
oh yeah, that was in the local paper
apparently, they could have saved them but the victims were pricks
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 0:11, Reply)
damn popo
flying ghetto birds
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:36, Reply)
the same police helicopter?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:48, Reply)
Search fi marijuana

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:53, Reply)
Ok found some

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:57, Reply)
It's normally me

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 21:56, Reply)
It was talking about London
Apparently they use super long range cameras so crims don't know they're there, so it's hovering over nice neighborhoods and they get all snotty.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 22:03, Reply)
It's like megacity

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 22:16, Reply)
oh great - now i have the theme tune to air wolf stuck in my head.
blue thunder would be far more appropriate but i can't quite remember how that one goes. due to fucking air wolf being stuck in head. thanks, man.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 22:00, Reply)
No problem arty

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 22:01, Reply)
cheers man - no wonder i couldn't remember it - it's fucking shit:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXNAp3mKepc (9/11 foreshadowing in 1983 credits?)
air wolf theme is far superior, if a bit ear wormy - but at least that saves me having to look it up on utube
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 22:10, Reply)
If you can't remember the air wolf intro you've never seen it

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 22:18, Reply)
Hmm. I've had the theme from the sitcom spoof 'too many cooks' stuck in my brain for the past week. I may have to saw my own head off.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 23:40, Reply)
chew gum.
the stimulation of the jaw fools the brain with muscle memory and tickles the parts that process vocalising, language, melody and rhythm thus disrupting the ear worm. there was a scientific paper put out about this recently, surely you read it - what kind of doctor are you exactly? one that doesn't keep up with current research, that's what. head sawing went out decades ago.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 23:48, Reply)
You need another
trepanning - come and see me at lunchtime, we have a bench drill and clamps.
(, Tue 23 Aug 2016, 8:18, Reply)
Hullo /talk, you bunch of willy's

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:51, Reply)
My missus is in Frankfurt this week so I am on my own, and plan to have steak and 420 it like a cunt ERRYDAY
How do you plan to spend this week? Apart from hanging out the back of my nan, obv.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:53, Reply)
fucking work
and that's it. Might kill myself.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:03, Reply)
Two day week for old El Ricardo here
Down t'seaside on Weds.

Just to make you feel better.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:05, Reply)
Ah yes
Have fun, I'm sure you will
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:05, Reply)
Sure will, Yoda

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:05, Reply)
woah
it does look a bit yoda-ey, doesn't it.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:06, Reply)
yoda-ley-hee-hoooo!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:58, Reply)
I've been off grid for 2 days as my phone refused to charge
Gonna get mashed then watch Paris, Texas I reckon
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:18, Reply)
Relaxing in the blistering heat of Tenerife, drinking beer and doing vast quantities of fuck all

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 19:27, Reply)
Cor I bet it's hot there. 30 + ?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 20:32, Reply)
hello, silly person

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:53, Reply)
alright Smasho.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:54, Reply)
just been for a preliminary job interview
hope i don't get it, it's dodgy as fuck
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:54, Reply)
I've been in the same job since I was 21
(I'm 43 next month)
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:59, Reply)
i'm doing now what i should have done when i first left school, but couldn't
hence my cv is thinner than kate moss' shadow
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:00, Reply)
How so? Lack of training/qualifications?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:03, Reply)
lots and lots of surgery
and being declared disabled at 14
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:09, Reply)
sorry I asked, didn't mean to pry

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:11, Reply)
no worries
factory settings have been restored
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:14, Reply)
good-oh

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:16, Reply)
Yoda E, Good O, whatever next

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:46, Reply)
fuck u

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:00, Reply)
^ Sexist gayer

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:01, Reply)
^Hawk the slayer

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:02, Reply)
^Metro Goldwyn Meyer

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:06, Reply)
^Scarborough Fai-er

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:06, Reply)
^ Princess Leya

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:07, Reply)
^tay, tay, tay, t-t-t-t-t-ta-ay tay (er)

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:08, Reply)
^livin' on a prayer

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:09, Reply)
nay-sayer

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:09, Reply)
^rent boy payer

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:11, Reply)
^soggy biscuit player

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:18, Reply)
^Elm Guesthouse stayer

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:19, Reply)
Bit harsh .

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:25, Reply)
I make no apology.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:29, Reply)
You're the reason I drink

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:36, Reply)
You're welcome

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:36, Reply)
My kids wanted to come stay this weekend, I said no, we are polar opposites

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:38, Reply)
I've seen mine just one weekend in the past month, really looking forward to a few days away.
I worry when I read about yours as it clearly wasn't always like this and I hope things don't go the same way.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:42, Reply)
They grow up mate, what can you do , they want to go out with mates during the days, they've been away since end of July , I'm happy they can see their mates , I'll still be here

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:57, Reply)
Spose

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:46, Reply)
Marathon not a sprint, I take a very Zen attitude, and drugs ...lol

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:50, Reply)
Calling from the depths of Celtic places
Is this thing working?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:34, Reply)
Yes

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:37, Reply)
ta

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:42, Reply)
If you are not in Ireland you can get bent

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:37, Reply)
He's in O'Neill's on the Holloway Road

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:39, Reply)
Hope they've got a noraid box for the struggles

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:44, Reply)
standard

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:45, Reply)
ho ho
*sobs*
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:44, Reply)
yo

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:34, Reply)
Oh Emm Gee Tee

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:37, Reply)
roflmcbeef

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:40, Reply)
I'm not sure bunch is the correct collective noun for willy's.
Probably something to do with your nan and her large vagina.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:55, Reply)
^expert on willies

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:56, Reply)
I wouldn't say expert, more a keen hobbyist

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:35, Reply)
Peen knobbyist more like!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:45, Reply)
Harsh

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:48, Reply)
I reckon it's 'gaggle' that's certainly the onomatopoeic description your nan gave

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:52, Reply)
Whistlin' Willy's
Or pneumaturia, to give it the correct medical term.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:18, Reply)
Not googling that.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:37, Reply)
You're welcome
www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMicm0806133#t=article
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:53, Reply)
So inept doctor's as usual

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 19:16, Reply)
willy bum bum

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:36, Reply)
Yes

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 18:47, Reply)
No youn are

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 20:16, Reply)
i can see why that took 3 hours

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 20:22, Reply)
Bit hurried for me

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 20:35, Reply)
this is a bit weird, eh?
i.imgur.com/BuqFU9O.gifv
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 20:51, Reply)
Monday thread 3, return of the threadi.
What's your favourite colour. Why.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:11, Reply)
Dark red because I prefer it to all the other colours.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:14, Reply)
What, like burgundy?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:17, Reply)
It's more of a maroon

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:19, Reply)
You're a fackin maroon m8

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:41, Reply)
I'm an ultra maroon, boss

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:43, Reply)
i prefer a merlot, to be honest

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:53, Reply)
and i like a rioja, what a mixed up world

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:12, Reply)
in the end, it's our differences that make us alike
there
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:20, Reply)
is that from an iphone advert?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:25, Reply)
i dunno, if it is i'm gonna sue them for stealing my intellectual property

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:29, Reply)
malbec fan here, also sangiovese di romagna

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 17:04, Reply)
no, I'm not answering that

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:15, Reply)
^purple lover

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:15, Reply)
^colour blind

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:17, Reply)
Green, m8
only green
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:15, Reply)
I like blue.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:17, Reply)
I think it's great that you've got to a place in your life where you can admit that

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:18, Reply)
I'm not in like with blue

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:22, Reply)

not in like with dah dah dee dah dah dow
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:36, Reply)
it's 'dah BAH'
not 'dah dah' you stupid idiot
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:54, Reply)
ban him

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:03, Reply)
oh

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:04, Reply)
this is some ultimate lol death, right here

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:09, Reply)
add him to the cherem

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:04, Reply)
Typical muslim

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:46, Reply)
MODS

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:52, Reply)
mauve

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:17, Reply)
I dated a girl called Maeve for a bit.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:18, Reply)
mauve closer
mauve your body real close
Until we-ee-ee-ee
Feel like we're really makin' gloves

[MOD EDIT]
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:19, Reply)
disgusting on a family forum

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:20, Reply)
soz

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:21, Reply)
white
racistlol
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:19, Reply)
red, because the red red robin keeps bob bob bobbing along

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:21, Reply)
I love a bit of brown

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:23, Reply)
bbc?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:43, Reply)
egg

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:23, Reply)
I'm currently wearing my 'The Nightman Cometh' t-shirt
I just thought you should know
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:24, Reply)
yes!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:26, Reply)
just remembering when Mac and Dennis get into bed together makes me laugh

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:27, Reply)
:D
I'm not sure why, but when Mac says he's going to put on a clinic, it cracks me up. He says it a couple of times throughout the series and there's just something about it I find hysterically funny.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:29, Reply)
fuck this I'm quitting work and watching it 24/7

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:05, Reply)
*title card*
SS gets fired from his job
*theme music*
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:09, Reply)
i nearly wore mine today but wore a sex bob-omb one instead
hey, have you noticed that sweet dee is on there twice? what a bitch
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:44, Reply)
stupid bird

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:52, Reply)
mono, you mean?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:20, Reply)
McBeef has been working out.
imgur.com/NR4DfLw.gifv
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:29, Reply)
dench

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:29, Reply)
So Judy

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:42, Reply)
fucking swole

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:55, Reply)
Holy shit!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:30, Reply)
Green
Cos it is the colour on my dollar dollar bills y'all.
That you Brexit motherfuckers have devalued
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:36, Reply)
you should write a long boohoo letter to a newspaper

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:10, Reply)
I thought I'd seen some weird shit on messageboards
But that was odd, even for this set of bellers who lurk.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:24, Reply)
took them 2 months to come up with that

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:26, Reply)
Must be the sessions of electro shock therapy getting in the way
Or a lack of crayons
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:29, Reply)
and pssst, the dollar has risen in value against other currency

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:15, Reply)
friend of mine writes porn on the side and gets paid in dollars
it's becoming more profitable than his actual job
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:19, Reply)
wait, like scripts for porn movies?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:21, Reply)
nah, man
personal erotic stories for weirdos on the internet. he has one guy who has paid thousands of dollars over the past 18 months for a series of stories in which his ex is sexually humiliated
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:28, Reply)
dark as fuck

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:30, Reply)
he has to write stuff about poo sometimes too

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:32, Reply)
#pooandwee

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:36, Reply)
I know a very prim and proper lady that used to write synopses of porn films for a bit of cash on the side
At one point she was making more from that then her day job.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:37, Reply)
mike woz ere? i seem to recall he writes porn now

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:29, Reply)
haha, he did say that a lot
never really got what he meant but now i assume it's the same sort of thing

a girl i went to uni with was paid reasonably well to verbally abuse a guy over webcam while he wanked himself off. takes all sorts, i suppose
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:31, Reply)
But a leg has had to be amputated off of the currency cat
So we are all fucked.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:25, Reply)
i'm not, soz

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:26, Reply)
purple
it's luxuriant
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:29, Reply)
indigo

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:31, Reply)

i we
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:33, Reply)
ON ALL LEVELS EXCEPT PHYSICAL I AM A WOLF
[barks]
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:34, Reply)
you're still not allowed to lick your balls in public

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:35, Reply)
^ Hungry

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 16:44, Reply)
My brother in law is going to propose
How did you meet the love of your life?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:48, Reply)
Freecycle

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:49, Reply)
"Girlfriend to go, 1 careful racist owner, pick up only, house trained"

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:50, Reply)
"I might be racist, but I'm careful"

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:09, Reply)
You read the same ad?!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:55, Reply)
He wrote the ad

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:17, Reply)
I was dressed as a dark clown at an underground goth club and we danced to a.ministry song for a bit then I bought her a drink.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:49, Reply)
Ooh which song, I hope it was The Land Of Rape And Honey, well romantic.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:50, Reply)
It was Just One Fix

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:51, Reply)

ust One im'll
+ it theme tune
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:51, Reply)
Fucking choon that is.
Although best track on that album has to be JBMHR.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:55, Reply)

a dark doink the
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:58, Reply)
Put a doink on it, mVIII.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:06, Reply)
I was just finishing a busy shift as the medical SHO in Selly Oak Hospital. She was about to start the RMO shift but had a terrible migraine and was vomiting. I found her a sick bowl, wished her good luck and fucked off home.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:52, Reply)
At university.
Although she was still at school, which makes it sound a bit seedy.

Are you allowed to marry your brother-in-law? Won't that be awkward for his sister?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:52, Reply)
very

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:54, Reply)
A nightclub in Florence
She was passed out, sick all over her, knickers down to her ankles. I thought, "Yeah, she'll do for me."
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:54, Reply)
Hey, I'm going to Florence in a couple of weeks,I'll get you a souvenir

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:55, Reply)
You'll love it.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:56, Reply)
I love you

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:00, Reply)
<3

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:05, Reply)

When two people kiss, they create a tube with an asshole at each end.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:08, Reply)
this is the kind of thinking that will get a you a DPhil from Oxford

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:10, Reply)
?
1.1.1.1/bmi/66.media.tumblr.com/2c199be4d40c2990a950bdf5ca9fe362/tumblr_n4krq3IVdJ1ta3x8fo1_500.gif
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:34, Reply)
woah

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:39, Reply)
I'll use my d to fill your oxford.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:34, Reply)
you're making me blush
from my anus
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:39, Reply)
can't say, the wife might be reading this

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:54, Reply)
you rang one of numbers someone scribbled on the toilet cubicle

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:55, Reply)
actually several before I got to the love of my life

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:58, Reply)
Nah, he just waited til the glory hole was manned

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:59, Reply)
My crippling autism prevents me from feeling affection or forming relationships, soz

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:57, Reply)
Well, I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar.
Basically things went well for a while, but then I felt I would be OK on my own. Long story short it all ended about five years after with some thinly veiled threats.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:01, Reply)
Woah-oh-oh-oh

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:03, Reply)
Don't forget it's him who put you where you are now

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:57, Reply)
You can't marry your brother, m8

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:02, Reply)
I can if I officiate the ceremony m8

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:05, Reply)
Arranged marriage

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:04, Reply)
nice

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:07, Reply)
dubs got

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:08, Reply)
Nice double dubs

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:20, Reply)
I walked in the pub and ordered a pint of lager, we've been together ever since

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:05, Reply)
lightweight

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:06, Reply)
cruiserweight

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:21, Reply)
batmanweight

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:21, Reply)
yeah
think i saw her out on the town the other day. congrats, btw
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:21, Reply)
I must have been drunk when I proposed, don't remember it

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:23, Reply)

*of
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:24, Reply)
Via a dating app

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:05, Reply)
We work at the same nightclub
She is a showgirl, I work behind the bar. Hey that reminds me, some guy named Rico has ordered a table tonight, better go sort that out.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:06, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/1719462
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:09, Reply)
At the polo.
Doesn't everybody meet their wife at the polo?

Actually, it was at 'Ceroc' dancing. I don't remember the first time we danced. The first time I remember meeting her, was in a friend's kitchen.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:11, Reply)
Do you pronounce it "Perler"?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:17, Reply)
Shut up pip

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:17, Reply)
Hey, what do you suppose happened to Pip 1?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:23, Reply)
died

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:24, Reply)
Murder?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:25, Reply)
hopefully

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:26, Reply)
asphyxiwank

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:37, Reply)
That's a mystery. We'll get miss Marple on it.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:25, Reply)
his rags-to-riches success was being financed by an escaped convict who made it big in Australia
Shamed by that revelation, exacerbated by Estella failing to return his affections, he drowned himself in the Kentish mud flats.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:33, Reply)
at a barbecue in my back garden
truly a story for the ages
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:17, Reply)
She smell your sausages over the fence?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:21, Reply)
disgusting

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:21, Reply)
possibly, they're quite pungent

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:22, Reply)
oh, so she smells saucissons on the sea shore?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:25, Reply)
pervert

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:22, Reply)
Lamb Tavern, Leadenhall Market

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:18, Reply)
^off his nut on Carling asking birds for a bit of rub and push

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:23, Reply)
actually, I've been there
it's where suits go to drink
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:26, Reply)
There's a bar just for suits?
Wow...how the other half live, eh?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:28, Reply)
it's paved with gold down there in that London
not a poor person in sight. Everyone is a millionaire.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:31, Reply)
everyone has their own toilet butler

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:31, Reply)
We were going to have our wedding party there but 6.5k min bar spend, eff that

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:32, Reply)
At London prices, that's one pitcher Blue Lagoon, isn't it?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:35, Reply)
I'd spend at least 50 quid

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:35, Reply)
I'll host for it £200 cash in hand

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:40, Reply)
Not much of a market anymore, can't even get 5 lighters for a pound

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:31, Reply)
buy a drink there and you'll be five pounds lighter

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:34, Reply)
I've been in there natch , but the city boys are all degree educated twats now, used to be Essex barrow boys shouting caaannnt at each other

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:37, Reply)
Not sure I prefer them tbh

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:47, Reply)
It was more colourful, especially when the markets had runners in harlequin jackets and traders just shouted all day, I prefer the old days

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:02, Reply)
It's all Reuters Eikon or Bloomberg terminals now m8
they shout at those instead of each other.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:05, Reply)
they don't shout at anything anymore, it's all nerds

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:29, Reply)
you reminded me, I need to catch up with my banker m8
he was boss of all those traders when I met him, now he's CEO thanks to my coaching skills, he owes me a pint.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:30, Reply)
I can't remember exactly when it was.
But I do remember thinking it tasted nice. And by my third or fourth mouthful I knew it was for real. Damn I love booze.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:40, Reply)
yo stuj
where've you been?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:44, Reply)
I'm rough as fuck today Grrry. Picked up a stomach bug off the landlady.
sadtimes
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:52, Reply)
try paying her with money
instead of sexual favours
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:58, Reply)
we were in the same band.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 13:58, Reply)
Hear'Say?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:00, Reply)
Right Said Fred?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:00, Reply)
Lostprophets?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:03, Reply)
oof

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:05, Reply)
Gary Glitter and whoever backed up Gary Glitter

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:08, Reply)
i'm sure he was 'backed up' by loads of people
mono, i mean
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:14, Reply)
he's massively backed up
considering how full of shit he is
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:16, Reply)
mono, you mean?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:35, Reply)
I really went off him when he went to Thailand and grew that beard
Mono, I mean.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:17, Reply)
He was questioned during the Jimmy Saville enquiry apparently
mono, I mean
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:21, Reply)
is the band still going?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:19, Reply)
White Stripes?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:24, Reply)
I reckon I would've done a sex on meg white

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:29, Reply)
my apologies to all the lady boarders

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:29, Reply)
Anyone who says she was a shit drummer
Is partially correct, but she was perfect for the White Stripes. Live she was brilliant.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:37, Reply)
I only saw them live once and Jack White was too batshit mental for me to really notice anything else about them
she had nice boobies though
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:41, Reply)
EGG white, more like!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:31, Reply)
nah, it's a bugger to get out of your pubes

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:33, Reply)
albuMEN
is that funny? I can't tell
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:42, Reply)
it's not much of a yolk (joke)

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:43, Reply)
Shell I try again later?
Or is it all ova?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:44, Reply)
ok that's all of them
shut it down
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:52, Reply)
it'd be funnier if it was on a filing cabinet, ma8e

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:57, Reply)
that's true

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 15:05, Reply)
That's a very insensitive question for those of us whose partners have passed on at our own hands.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 14:53, Reply)
I skated 3 laps of Goodwood Motor Circuit, yesterday.
What ill advised activity have you performed recently?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:22, Reply)
skated?
ice? roller? board? strapped a fish to each foot?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:27, Reply)
reggae cuddly toy

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:28, Reply)
what kind of cunt starts a thread then fucks off, eh?
that's the real ill-advised activity here
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:34, Reply)
don't be so hard on him
he made us a thread so we'd have something to discuss while he goes off and does something important. It's like a good dinner party host who gets things rolling but doesn't try to monopolize the conversation
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:35, Reply)
i dunno, without my tough love how will he flourish?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:40, Reply)
sometimes you need to set them free so that they can learn from their own mistakes
although I think he had the snip, so he won't be making any more mistakes ah ha ha ha
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:43, Reply)
lol, a man stuck a burning wire into my ballsack!
Whilst 2 nurses watched.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:45, Reply)
Kinky

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:50, Reply)
One of then offered to hold my hand.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:53, Reply)
did the other one offer you chinese food?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)
pfft

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Did the other one offer to stop the doctor from pushing a hot needle into your cluster?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:03, Reply)
I'm not really sure why they were there, to be honest.
Probably on a tea break.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:04, Reply)
women are horrible, aren't they
probably just liked the idea of watching someone getting their pods probed
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:05, Reply)
Woman we met on the SCBU took great delight in describing how she had insisted on watching her husband get it done.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Yeah, well why should she have to remember to take a tablet every day
when he can have his knackers frazzled. What a selfish man.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:11, Reply)
Me and the missus were discussing who should get which tube severed,
and decided upon mine as it's slightly less invasive surgery. Eminently sensible, I feel.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:15, Reply)
I agree with you that the surgical option is (short term and long term) easier for a fella
If one of you HAS to have it done, it might as well be you
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:16, Reply)
Taking one for the team, as it were.
I'm such a hero.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:17, Reply)
hardly seems worth it for the number of times you get to have sex

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:19, Reply)
If I hadn't had it done, I could have as many as 2 extra children by now.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)
+ .4

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:35, Reply)
Dwarfism doesn't run in my family.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:39, Reply)
i assume nobody runs in your family, fatso

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:42, Reply)
I take a dim view of jogging.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:43, Reply)
i just got this, by the way
first time around i assumed it was an old-person reference, not a piss-poor joke
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:36, Reply)
Quads.
I was possibly the slowest person on the track - I did overtake a young girl who was struggling to get her wheelchair up a hill, but that didn't really feel like much of an achievement.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:35, Reply)
A quad bike was only just faster than a girl in a wheelchair?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:35, Reply)
no, for some reason he's referring to roller skates as quads
i think this might be a mid-life crisis
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
I bet he's one of those roller derby weirdos

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:43, Reply)
he heard some bro at they gym saying "check out my quads"
then bought the best used pair on ebay he could find.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:44, Reply)
Quad skates.
The track was open to unpowered transport only, excluding bicycles, so I got repeatedly lapped by people wearing rollerskis.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:43, Reply)
Are quad skates not what we regular folk call roller skates?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:44, Reply)
Yeah, but I find most people assume I'm taking about inlines.
As a hairy idiot on wheels, I could early pass for a Derby player, providing no one saw me moving.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:47, Reply)
This is ridiculous.
Inline skates already have a different word to distinguish them from roller skates. People are stupid.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:49, Reply)
They really are.
I'm led to believe that Derby and Hockey players are very dismissive of each other's choice in skate styles, although there was no evidence of this, yesterday.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:52, Reply)
Roller derby seems to be the preserve of fat lesbians and needy alt girls.
With the odd guy who is a 30 year old virgin and occasional boyfriend of said needy alt girls. I know a guy that is a referee for derby and he's a proper crept weirdo that you wouldn't want in your house.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:00, Reply)
I have to lol
because you have prefectly described the two people I know who do it.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:02, Reply)
My brother is his team's captain.
Your assessment is spot on.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:03, Reply)
Hahaha, I had a colleague at my last job who use to ref these things.
I dunno about 'creepy', exactly, but just picture in your mind the most stereotypical engineer you can imagine, and he looked EXACTLY like that.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:19, Reply)
but still
you crossed the line in style
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:37, Reply)
there've been some fun celebrations at the olympics this year:
i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--bxamWESi--/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/k7sfp0tyctknbbxv6sbg.gif
i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--K3g7r03C--/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/rdrnuyu0flw1lmiusltp.gif
giant.gfycat.com/VioletExcellentBushbaby.webm
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Cool
Did you see the Tokyo thing?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNuqKVG781I
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:33, Reply)
i did, yeah. someone showed me this morning
i hope they dress all their athletes as videogame characters
mario for triple/long jump
luigi for high jump
link for fencing
zangief for the hammer throw/shotput

that sort of thing
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:35, Reply)
Princess Peach for long jump, surely?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:38, Reply)
i thought that after i posted but then i think the hovering ability comes from her dress
and she doesn't wear that to participate in the olympics
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:44, Reply)
Good point.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:46, Reply)
good, impossibly nerdy, point

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:51, Reply)
Indeed, but I didn't come here to insult you.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:55, Reply)
hey, you're in the same boat

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:18, Reply)
Lol
The Tokyo games are going to be mental
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:59, Reply)
replaced the cells in an old laptop battery myself
Now I've got an old laptop I never use which is too shit to sell so I don't even know why I wasted my time and money fixing it
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:28, Reply)
Can I have it?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:36, Reply)
If you come and get it, yeah
it's an old Turon X2 unit that dramatically overheats
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:37, Reply)
Post it to a bank or embassy with a load of wires hanging out of it

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:44, Reply)
My kids are still using the old laptop that their grandmother donated to them.
I've replaced the battery and hard disk, but it needs a proper clean, as gets hot enough to fry eggs within minutes of being switched on.
A laptop will need to be spectacularly shit before I consider it useless.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:38, Reply)
I made a bit of a fuck of my motorcycle wiring. But all the important bits work, it's just indicators and a brake light to sort.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:35, Reply)
i still think you should
STWTOFAPIOAC
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:37, Reply)
If I can get a couple hours of good weather tonight, it'll be finished I reckon.
Then I'll ride it to portsmouth and drive it in to your living room.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:46, Reply)

i.imgur.com/WiVthx1.jpg
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:49, Reply)
Uncanny

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:50, Reply)
It's a Jawa 360 though

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:01, Reply)
Mine doesn't have that odd front end.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:19, Reply)
That's Donald Sutherland you disrespectful oaf

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:34, Reply)
if you could manage to drive it into my living room, i'd be impressed
you'd need either a huge ramp in albert road or enough force to push through the kitchen and bathroom on the other side
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:51, Reply)
Don't stifle the boy
If he wants to drive into your front room, he should jolly well give it a try
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:56, Reply)
He's just trying to crush my spirit.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:58, Reply)
I believe in you, buddy

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:01, Reply)
I'm going to ride in to your living room as well and let it drip oil on your carpet.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:04, Reply)
Joke's on you
I don't even OWN an carpet
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:05, Reply)
you need a rug though

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:18, Reply)
Cruel

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:21, Reply)
to tie the room together, i meant

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:44, Reply)
There are multiple references to that film in Preacher

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:49, Reply)
yes, i've heard
cassidy doesn't like it, if i remember correctly
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:51, Reply)
correct
Started 'Outcast' last night. Not sure if I should've started watching another religious supernatural drama thing right after Preacher. Particularly as this one isn't funny in the slightest.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:54, Reply)
oooh Two Hats just got CARPET BURNED!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:34, Reply)
stifle? i was offering suggestions
stay out of this, shit-stirrer
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:18, Reply)
So I couldn't ride through your front door and in to the living room?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:21, Reply)
I reckon you could

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:22, Reply)
i live in a first floor flat and the front entrance is a bit inconvenient
based on my experience moving furniture in, i'd say you'll struggle
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)
You need a more positive outlook.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:28, Reply)
He gives up too easily, that's his problem

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:29, Reply)
no, the windows are pretty nice actually

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:32, Reply)
isn't that because you have to have giant size furniture?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:31, Reply)
NO
yes
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:33, Reply)
willy stuff

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:39, Reply)
standard

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:42, Reply)
I fucked the pope

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:44, Reply)
But did you fuck the deputy?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:50, Reply)
Oh no ooh

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:53, Reply)
'cause the pope smokes dope?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:52, Reply)
nope

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:05, Reply)
and I liked it
the taste of his cherry chap stick
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:17, Reply)
*chuckle*

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:23, Reply)
Why post hundreds of tweets when 1 does the job
twitter.com/meetflamingos
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:51, Reply)
Unusually concise.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:56, Reply)
Arf

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:57, Reply)
Perfect

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:00, Reply)
so true

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:17, Reply)
ahaha! fucking hell. the way that loaded on my phone was absolutely perfect
it's a good job there's noone else in the gents as i proper lolled
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:22, Reply)
:D

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)
also:
twitter.com/onetweetpete
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:34, Reply)
lovely

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:35, Reply)
I always consult with the beethreeteeay community before embarking on any activity, so I am always well advised.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:18, Reply)
My advice is always. Do what you want, but do it naked.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:21, Reply)
My advice is always
Penus
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:24, Reply)
Picked at some paint on a radiator
Then had to strip and re-paint a whole radiator.

Remember kids, don't pick at things.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:21, Reply)
If only Arthur Scargill had heeded this advice.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:28, Reply)


(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:28, Reply)
If it was good enough for Richard Stilgoe, it's good enough for me.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:32, Reply)
I loved his version of "Only You"

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:41, Reply)
Arthur Scargill once locked me in a room and demanded money.
The man's a prick.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:47, Reply)
it was either that or sexual favours

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:49, Reply)
Ew.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:51, Reply)
To leave? To put his dick away? To pay for the 15 song set he just played?
The reasons are almost limitless.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 11:58, Reply)
They were raising money for a good cause (funds to help the striking cleaners at Hillingdon Hospital),
but he really wasn't going about it the right way.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:05, Reply)
I know that hospital well
Because of the large drops in the stairwells they had to install netting to stop people committing suicide from the top floor :(

Would suck to have to clean that up.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:12, Reply)
when i was looking for a flat a few years ago
one of the blocks i visited had a big central courtyard and walkways to access all the flats and they had suicide nets. when i mentioned them to the estate agent he said that it also stopped people throwing things at the flats opposite. not the best sales pitch
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:21, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:25, Reply)
you'd probably know the flats i mean, they're just off fratton road. the entranceway stank of piss, too

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:32, Reply)
Fratton Road is terrifying at the best of times
I used to work in a carpet shop down there, and some of the locals were proper chicken oriental.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:34, Reply)
dodged a bullet there

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:28, Reply)
AND it was on 'nancy road'

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:31, Reply)
No wonder you wanted a viewing

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:34, Reply)
I have been watching Endeavour.
It's a "When Morse was young" spin off, it's alright.

It's about a ginger chap in a badly fitting trenchcoat finding bodies in Oxfordian cupboards/toilets/warehouses. it's basically how I imagine Windy Pig's life to be.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:19, Reply)
"Somebody has been buggered to death in the Merton College toilets... again."

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:25, Reply)
Merton is full of gays. All te lezzers are at wadham. Brasenose for the racists.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:34, Reply)
Ha, Mrs. Tea was at Brasenose.
She's not a racist, but her boyfriend at the time was at the same college and was a massive racist. Presumably still is, in fact.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:44, Reply)
It's a well known super white college.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:47, Reply)
They filmed quite a bit in our college.
There's a bit with a sort of 60s festival looking thing. That was our front quad.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:32, Reply)
Your front roller skate?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:35, Reply)
See, this is the sort of confusion that is caused when people start arbitrarily changing the names of things
Edit, although I've used a shortened version, so it should be Front quadrangle, which would cause less confusion.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:37, Reply)
Your nan's front quadrangle has caused no end of confusion.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:47, Reply)
men should never roller skate
I've said it and won't hear any more on the matter
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:45, Reply)
You are looking 100% right

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:48, Reply)
Even Cliff Richard in Wired For Sound?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:49, Reply)
It was never meant to be a game

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:51, Reply)
It's leg day

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:47, Reply)

leg whiteboy
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 12:50, Reply)
morning

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 6:59, Reply)
may you be blessed with a relaxing day at work/home/life

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:04, Reply)
I'll fucking tell you what mate
I ordered a lego kit of about 900 parts and there were 2 bricks missing. TWO. Made me fucking livid.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:20, Reply)
you should go on a killing spree. so much rage is unhealthy.
but tbh, I understand.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:24, Reply)
think of the repercussions, it probably delayed the making of a youtube video, thus eating into grrry's ad income

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:26, Reply)
I've set an arbitrary target of how much I want to earn each month
and this MICKEY MOUSE BULLSHIT is hurting my projected revenues. I'm gonna go full on Glengary Glen Ross at myself inna minute.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:36, Reply)
isn't lego supposed to be meditative and relaxing?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:40, Reply)
yeah
until you find out there are TWO. PARTS. MISSING.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:41, Reply)
improvisation is the best part of it though, substitute a little tree or an umbrella top or something

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:44, Reply)
they should make your honorary master builder as a consolation
also: which parts? this must be scrutinized upon
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:48, Reply)
You use bricklink?
92946 in black. I've already ordered replacements, it's just an awkwardness I could do without.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:53, Reply)
such a brick did not exist when I bought my last LEGO set

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:59, Reply)
and there were 10 colours not 200

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:02, Reply)
Some of the official colours are like "light bluish grey"
Seems a bit vague.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:04, Reply)
they changed the plastic around 2000
so all the grey stuff came out bluish, so there's light grey (now light yellow grey cos it's aged so badly) and light bluish grey which looks like old melted smurfs. Lego weirdos call the new stuff light bley.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
Aren't all lego enthusiasts over the age of about 12 weirdos?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:09, Reply)
The ones I've met are, yes :(
I was talking to another bloke, and joked that I had about 2k invested in my trains. He laughs and says he has 10k invested just in the buildings next to the tracks...
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:10, Reply)
light GAY more like

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:10, Reply)
oh well now really

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:11, Reply)
was a bit harsh, I know

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:14, Reply)
Haha, "Lego weirdos", not "Lego enthusiasts like me".

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:31, Reply)
there are people out there who call themselves AFOL m8
I'm not in that group
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:42, Reply)
Arse Full Of Lego?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:07, Reply)
^ shit a brick

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:11, Reply)
Lol

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:15, Reply)
may the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:15, Reply)
It's already happened and the result kept me up all night crying
so cheers, prick
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:21, Reply)
there's always polish ebay

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:23, Reply)
check em

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:23, Reply)
I looked at the kids section on there
but can't find any previously sold items to gauge what this one's worth.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:36, Reply)
"Recently vaccinated, free to a good home" should do it.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:30, Reply)
need some return on my investment m8
nappies aren't cheap
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:54, Reply)
Masterful takedown of Mr 'please read my essay and validate me' last night, btw.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:08, Reply)
cheers
it almost makes me miss working in a newsroom. Almost.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:26, Reply)
Boom shanka

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:48, Reply)
morning b'e3ter

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:48, Reply)
rich

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:51, Reply)
Sup

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:16, Reply)
alright Richard
How munted did you get this weekend?
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:54, Reply)
Hammered it Friday but decided against a rematch on Saturday so overall fairly sedate
Only a 2 day week for me this week, hurrah
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:18, Reply)
Yeah it fucking is! MONDAY WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 7:55, Reply)
you pack that in right now, do you hear me?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:07, Reply)
GIVE ME AN M!!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:08, Reply)
I will, for Murder m8 if you don't shut up

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:11, Reply)
*dials*

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:19, Reply)
don't think I've watched a full Hitchcock film tbh

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:33, Reply)
I've only seen Psycho and The Birds

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:08, Reply)
#infest

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:11, Reply)
Give me a morning!!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:34, Reply)
sup

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:06, Reply)
oh mono, the sweet sounds of your nonsense are music to my ears

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:07, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:53, Reply)
Penis

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:09, Reply)
cockermouth

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:11, Reply)
At this hour?
Never before elvenses
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:50, Reply)
going to the dentist, soz

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:16, Reply)
6 hours early m8
it's not 2:30 yet
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:17, Reply)
My last appointment was at 2:30
As you can imagine, I was overjoyed
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:18, Reply)
I had one at that time and completely failed to notice it
which is probably for the best as the punchline doesn't work so well in Polish.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:25, Reply)
i will pray for you

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:30, Reply)
Saw something very lol at the dentist
I shall make my presentation later on, got some things to do right now. Watch this space.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:25, Reply)
I'm fully torqued in anticipation

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:36, Reply)
gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood morning, bitches

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:29, Reply)
Sup.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:35, Reply)
winders

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:38, Reply)
I don't know how to respond to this

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:44, Reply)
d'you know what?
you just did
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:51, Reply)
*guffs*

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:06, Reply)
Monday Monday can't trust that day

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:44, Reply)
Bumday Bumday more like

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
erry day is bumday

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:52, Reply)
Ahoy Hoy
Just cleaned the pads on the bottom of my mouse, gonna be doing some smooth gliding today. Smooth.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:46, Reply)
That's smooth, Jerry! Smooth!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:49, Reply)
Is that the Hennigan's episode?
That is a great episode
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:53, Reply)
I use a sheet of 3000grit sand paper as a mousemat so that the bottom of my mouse is always smooth

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:50, Reply)
That is Santana ft Rob Thomas Smooth levels that

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:54, Reply)
I'm seeing spontaneous wrist exfoliation at infest

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:01, Reply)
it's true, there are no blackheads on my wrists

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:12, Reply)
Well played
Tokyo, well played
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:11, Reply)
I can't help but think that Japan is just trolling the rest of the world for larks
and that they've already mastered nuclear fusion and eternal life etc blah blah
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:15, Reply)
"They are the most advanced perverts we have ever seen"
"Yes they really do go next level with their perversion"
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:25, Reply)
Might take my kids , 18 years then from when my daughter was convinced in shibuya

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:35, Reply)
Meh I'm leaving that

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:36, Reply)
I really really really want to
But there are 2 issues, accommodation will be through the roof (it already carries a premium) and the Japanese actually like lots of sports so it'll be tough to get tickets.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:41, Reply)
might go up a bit, but there are hostels and campsites that are cheap, you can also get cheap train tickets being foreign, and i'm sure our ticket allocation will be much the same

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:02, Reply)
Could do without work, this morning.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 8:57, Reply)
Have you got a second monitor?
Just pop open a wanky powerpoint presentation on it, face that screen, and b3ta out of the corner of your eye for the rest of the day.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:02, Reply)
Two monitors on my desk, but I'm forced to b3ta on my phone.
What I really want is a hot bath and some sleep.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:15, Reply)
win the lottery and you'll never have to work again

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:03, Reply)
I'd rather be beasting it up in the pit

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:10, Reply)
forced reps today mate

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:15, Reply)
today is a chest day

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:25, Reply)
breast day more like!
Okay, I'm done
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:28, Reply)
alright grrr, seems my kids are on the way back from holiday today

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:13, Reply)
is that good or bad news?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:23, Reply)
Who knows

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:29, Reply)
last
alright
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:46, Reply)
alright manolith

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:55, Reply)
dunno, we'll see how today goes
it has the potential to be a real stinker
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:04, Reply)
Charlie Chanolith

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 9:56, Reply)
how was the barbecue?
y'know, the one i wasn't invited to
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:04, Reply)
it was amazing
he did these prawns with chili sauce. They were amazing.
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:06, Reply)
I knew you'd like those
that glaze is my own recipe, you know
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:08, Reply)

recipe spunkem
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:28, Reply)
not only was the food great, but it was so nice to meet everyone

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:13, Reply)
it was like a mini bash
even pip2 turned up
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:15, Reply)
But...
He didn't leave alone!
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:15, Reply)
It was fine, apart from the injury

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:07, Reply)
ah was that actually at the bbq then.
anything to get out of eating charred sausages and frozen-in-the-middle aldi beefburgers, i suppose
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:25, Reply)
dubs

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:00, Reply)
a pair of fours
nice
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:05, Reply)
You might have to zoom in to fully appreciate the LOL
Filing cablinets in my dentist's surgery...the middle one, in particular:

i.imgur.com/xjfKcar.jpg
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:05, Reply)
han mess?

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:09, Reply)
DON'T SPOIL THIS FOR ME

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:12, Reply)
Seriously though
Surely they must have realised what they were writing when they made that label. Professionalism is all well good...BUT COME ON!
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:18, Reply)
how many times have you seen assistant manager written as 'ass manager' or just 'ass man'?
i think real people forget that our kind can be that puerile
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:26, Reply)
I've seen it on shop shelves too
'ass colours', 'ass sizes', etc
(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:29, Reply)
Hey it's the ass man!

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:35, Reply)
Enough with that chat, you'll get stuj all excited.

(, Mon 22 Aug 2016, 10:15, Reply)

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