You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Post a new message | View older messages | Popular | Search

Richard thread, Richard thread, does whatever a Richard thread does
Hi guys, Richard here. Just wondering how everyone is doing today. It seems a bit quiet. Is something bothering you? It's fine to talk about it - go on, get it off your chest, which is what I said to your nan after I curled one out on her tits last Christmas.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:06, Reply)
I'm fucking cheesed off about all the shit going on in Turkey these days.
It doesn't seem safe to go there any more, and I've never been. There are a number of historical sites I am very keen to see, and I wonder now if I ever will.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:09, Reply)
lol blanked

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:12, Reply)
You'll make it to Miletus, one day
I guarantee it
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:14, Reply)
Meatus more like

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:15, Reply)
Incredible amphitheatre there

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:16, Reply)
loads of ancient stuff around turkey
Sicily is great for a safer option
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:23, Reply)
Sicily is a strong contender for honeymoon for that reason
Greek stuff, Roman stuff and Arabic stuff. And top notch grub.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Buy a book and look at the pictures.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:15, Reply)
not sure it has ever been safe to go to turkey

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:17, Reply)
My mother's been to Istanbul a few times, but I don't reckon she'd be up for going these days

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:21, Reply)
istanbul? not constantinople?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:26, Reply)
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:27, Reply)
i bet it is, you dirty old bollocks

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:29, Reply)
Why DID Constantinople get the works?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:28, Reply)
pretty sure that's nobody's business but the turks', m8te

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:28, Reply)
because of its large potential market for budget books and stationery

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:29, Reply)
they've closed the two we had in portsmouth
where will i get lazy birthday presents now?!
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Istanbul?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:32, Reply)
No m8, not since the C10th

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:33, Reply)
can you say why they changed it?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:35, Reply)
Emergence of the Ottoman Turks as the dominant force m8

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:42, Reply)
well, can't go back now

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:44, Reply)
You're right, it seems unlikely that the Romans will ever stage a comeback

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:45, Reply)
seems that people just like it better that way, anyhow

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:48, Reply)
manolith, Richard isn't joining in properly!

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:50, Reply)
I'm lending a mate a car. I'm way more worried about it than I should be and I'm wishing I'd never offered to help.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:13, Reply)
lend him your shittest one

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:21, Reply)
They're all shit

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:27, Reply)
all cars are shit

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:29, Reply)
*that gif of the giant man in a tiny car*

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Nope.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:31, Reply)
yeah, i don't actually think that
but i'm not really interested in them and it annoys me how many of them there are
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:34, Reply)
I think the problem is how dependent people are on them.
I've seen neighbours drive to the shops 5 minutes walk up the road.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:43, Reply)
indeed
most of pompey is a short walk away from everything else. we also have 3 train stations, a park and ride scheme, loads of cycle paths and even fucking boats to get around. yet every street is choked with cars.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:48, Reply)
Yeah, when I lived there it always surprised me how many people drove.
The train links are brilliant, and all the outlying stations have great big car parks. Load of nonsense.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:51, Reply)
Last time I was given a car, in hindsight I really wish I hadn't accepted it.
I like driving, but the merits of walking being almost entirely hassle and maintenance free are not to be understated.

Plus as a stoic, the walk to work provides me with time to carry out a little premeditation on all the horrors that may lie ahead.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:38, Reply)
I love my morning canal walks

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:42, Reply)
I love cycling in to work

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:43, Reply)
I have a pretty fancy bike (it was a gift) but cycling in London is a dangerous game

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:44, Reply)
Was that from himjim?
I wouldn't cycle around London though no.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:45, Reply)
I would do this but I think any time saved by cycling would be lost to having a shower/getting into office clothes.
It has a pannier and bag set big enough to fit a weekly shop.

Given it's only a fiver a month for the local car sharing scheme (and about 3 an hour upto 17 a day) I'm tempted to join that.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:46, Reply)
*crushingly inevitable strikethrough*

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:44, Reply)
^ dirty den

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:45, Reply)
I would too if it allowed me to see as much slapstick as you appear to.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:48, Reply)
streetlife

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:22, Reply)
It's the only life you know

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:25, Reply)
Nothings bothering me
Yet.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:22, Reply)
Wait something has
Nah, gone zen again
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:33, Reply)
my back problem appears to be a hip issue
and is no so painful I can't even drive. Sad times :(
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:27, Reply)
Kill yourself.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:27, Reply)
I might just break my spine
at least it'll kill the pain
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:37, Reply)
could you lend your car to Windy's mate then?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:28, Reply)
not a chance
they'll probably go through a drive-thru in it or something else equally vulgar
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:38, Reply)
What if they install a proper linux distribution on it?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:40, Reply)
then I'd burn it to a scorched shell before the key even went in the ignition

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:41, Reply)
Square issue, more like.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:36, Reply)
I really ought to get that Huey Lewis and the News album

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:38, Reply)
I bought a "Best Of" of his, in a fit of nostalgia.
It's dire.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:47, Reply)
pretty sure they only ever had one song, didn't they?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:50, Reply)
yeah you've definitely got a 'hip' issue

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:36, Reply)
that's whack, daddy-o :(

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:37, Reply)
That the problem with child bearing hips
Thought they would have fixed that in the sex change
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:41, Reply)
they offered, but it would have ruined the lines of my Jessica Rabbit dress

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:48, Reply)
DIAGNOSIS: Greater trochanter bursitis. Or osteoarthritis of the lower spine and hip. Dunno really, orthopaedics was never my thing.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:51, Reply)
there's a pall cast over the whole country, we are not immune here at bee three tea eh dot com forward slash talk

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:28, Reply)
I only hope vlad doesn't do anything silly

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:30, Reply)
we just have to make sure we demonstrate how much we care

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:37, Reply)
might buy him this to cheer him up
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/NIGEL-FARAGE-UKIP-LEADER-PP-8x10-MOUNTED-SIGNED-AUTOGRAPH-PHOTO-SECRET-SANTA-/122027456705?hash=item1c696738c1:g:YwUAAOSwt6ZWUcj3
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:49, Reply)
look roys resigned, it's in the past, hopefully we get a more exciting emotional manager next

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:33, Reply)
has he gone back to the rovers?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:37, Reply)
nah he'll get a job with the fa somewhere

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:38, Reply)
anyway want a dingbats thread today?
i can do one in about 15 minutes
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:29, Reply)
Not for me, thank you

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:36, Reply)
Showoff
Edit: Yes please
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:36, Reply)
no

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Yeah, why not?
It'll push Richard's incessant beakering down the board, at least.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:37, Reply)
yes, we all want you to do one

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:39, Reply)
only if within minutes of it being posted somebody whines about politics

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:40, Reply)
well, it would seem the vote is roughly 50-50
so i'm going to forge ahead with it and to hell with the consequences

(like that, you mean?)
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:46, Reply)
Yes

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:47, Reply)
y'see if you start the morning thread too early it all peters out before manolith hauls his hairy arse out of bed

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:23, Reply)
Once we retake the Empire and force all countries into GMT,
Grrry will be up at a sensible hour for the morning threads.
#faragellfixit
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:34, Reply)
But you're not in GMT right now either

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:07, Reply)
I'd rather we were.
BST is ridiculous, but the only proposals ever put forward to do away with changing the clocks twice a year, are to move onto BST permanently.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:11, Reply)
I think we should move to EST
just for giggles
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:16, Reply)
ESB, perhaps?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:35, Reply)
it's ok, but it's no Doom Bar

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:41, Reply)
I can't remember the last time I had an ESB.
Doom Bar is very drinkable, and ubiquitous.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:46, Reply)
I bloody well am

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:47, Reply)
fuck off, GMT

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:16, Reply)
Tee hee!
Seriously, though, fuck off BST.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:17, Reply)
nice

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:17, Reply)

what?
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:37, Reply)
Who are
They?
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:45, Reply)
What have you done there.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:45, Reply)
HTML fuckup
I would have got away with it if it wasn't for you queers, lezzas, unfuckables, and a kind of talking dog in a fucking van sticking your nose into peoples business.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:48, Reply)
This board was coded by a man with only thumbs. It's no one's fault.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:48, Reply)
Ike was a dude, wasn't he?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:55, Reply)
Wasn't he a horrible person?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:03, Reply)
yeah

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:15, Reply)
yeah, but
youtu.be/Gbfnh1oVTk0
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:25, Reply)
He can beat up as many Tinas as he likes, for that record alone

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:30, Reply)
Yeah, it's pretty good, and she probably deserved a slap or two.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:35, Reply)
definitely

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:03, Reply)
Ike and Tina Turner

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:29, Reply)
Can you?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:29, Reply)
I don't know yet but I'm going to try my best

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:32, Reply)
I'm sorry I don't take kindly to this kind of bullying at all
And will move for a vote of no confidence and a stepping once manolith finishes combing the fleas out of his beard
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:56, Reply)
But he has the will of a few thousand Facebook activists
Who like to support things, but don't like to leave the house and do all the things needed to support things.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:58, Reply)
I might pay the fee for labour membership, if Corbyn stands for reselection,
just to vote him back in to the role. Watching all of the not-quite-tory-enough-to-join-the-other-side, identikit MPs getting more and more worked up is a rare moment of cheer from our political establishment.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:05, Reply)
^
Fuck Hilary Benn though.

He must be rebelling against his dad being such a dappa or something.

Also, I genuinely think Liz Jones joined the wrong party by mistake.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:47, Reply)
Do you mean Liz Kendall?
Her leadership campaign was hilarious - like she'd accidentally joined the wrong party during Fresher's Week, but was too bloody minded to admit it.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:52, Reply)
Yes, sorry that one.
There were apparently a lot of angry feminists who thought it was more important for Yvette Cooper to have a shot, but she showed herself up as she suddenly started copying all of Corbyn's ideas the minute he stopped being a joke candidate.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:53, Reply)
She's no one to blame but herself.
Silly cow.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:55, Reply)
What bullying is this then?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:05, Reply)
Dunno really, just thought I'd kick up a fuss
s'only the internet innit?
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:09, Reply)
I'll kick your head in you fucking prick. Gaz me your address.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:14, Reply)
UK Independence Party
The Old Grain Store
Church Lane
Lyminster
BN17 7QJ

Ask for "Mr.N. Farage"
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:21, Reply)
I'm tempted to have a meeting with CAB to see how far I can go with my hate mail.
And how many letters you can send before it's officially harassment.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:51, Reply)
you don't need me for the morning thread, guys
it was difficult getting up this morning though. i'm up to about 5 alarms
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:01, Reply)
Lazy hippie

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:02, Reply)
if i'm so lazy, why am i always so tired?
answer me that with your science
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:11, Reply)
Undiagnosed thyroid issue?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:13, Reply)
no thanks

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:16, Reply)
#infest

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:30, Reply)
If you're anything like me, it'll be because you stay up late, playing video games, watching TV, and/or masturbating.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:15, Reply)
oh yeah, that'll be it
haven't had much chance to play games lately though. started 'playing' gone home, at least
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:17, Reply)
If that's your idea of fun, you could come round and tidy my house for me.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:21, Reply)
i'm not sure 'fun' is the right word. it's just playing a story, innit

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:31, Reply)
Lost on me, I'm afraid.
Might as well read a book.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:35, Reply)
well, they're comparable experiences
i mean you can already read a story or have one read to you or see one enacted by other people on a stage/screen. why not also be able to enact one for yourself?
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:50, Reply)
Yeah, that's fair enough, I suppose.
But it's not what I'd want from a videogame.
I dunno, the whole "interactive movie" thing was a left me cold, but I suppose something more gently paced might work. Can you lose the game, or does it not work that way?
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:00, Reply)
some of them don't interest me and i don't really play them unless they're cheap/free
i don't think you can lose, no.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:33, Reply)
Heard that's pretty good as a narrative driven game, but gets a lot of flack from the more action oriented audience for obvious reasons
I was tempted to pick up that Life is Strange in the Steam sales, a lot of people say it's really good
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:34, Reply)
yeah, it's a decent diversion thus far.
i've also heard good things about life is strange. don't have a decent enough computer to play it though. if it turns up free on ps+ i'll definitely try it
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:51, Reply)
I typed your symptoms into the thing up here
And it says you could have network connectivity problems.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:22, Reply)
thanks andy

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:30, Reply)


Everyday when you're walking down the street, everybody that you meet
Has an original point of view
And I say HEY! what a wonderful kind of day.
Where you can learn to work and play
And get along with each other

You got to listen to your heart
Listen to the beat
Listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street
Open up your eyes, open up your ears
Get together and make things better by working together
It's a simple message and it comes from the heart
Believe in yourself (echo: believe in yourself)
Well that's the place to start (to start)

And I say HEY! what a wonderful kind of day
Where you learn to work and play
And get along with each other

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:09, Reply)
HEY, DW!

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:10, Reply)
Hey!

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:11, Reply)
woo-ooo-ooah!
*falls off circle*
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:19, Reply)
That cartoon is weird.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:13, Reply)
is it? it's one of the less weird cartoons of the time

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:20, Reply)
If a gentle soap opera set on the island of dr Moreau is your idea of "less weird",
that's a matter for you and your therapist.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:23, Reply)
ren and stimpy, rocko's modern life, cow and chicken, angry beavers, aaaah real monsters, catdog, animaniacs

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:47, Reply)
Pinky and The Brain.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:50, Reply)
freakazoid, earthworm jim, tiny toons

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:53, Reply)
Yeah, but these are exciting cartoons where stuff happens.
Arthur and co. just went to school or played in the park. Like Grange Hill, but without the ham-fisted attempts at gritty realism and atrocious acting. It's a prime example of the "it's a cartoon, therefore kids will watch it" school of entertainment.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:03, Reply)
The Raccoons.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:13, Reply)
"it's a cartoon, therefore kids will watch it"

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:17, Reply)
This is a trick list, isn't it?
Angry Beavers is something you've just made up.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:06, Reply)
angry beavers is my favourite from that list, ma8e

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:12, Reply)
Not googling that at work.
Your fetish is your business.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:18, Reply)
I always hoped Arthur would grow up and join an inner city gang

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:28, Reply)
The ass was fat

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:36, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:46, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 10:55, Reply)
yo

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 11:01, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 6:04, Reply)
Grrry, Grrry, he's our man!
If he can't morning, no one can!
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 6:36, Reply)
ain't no morning like a grrrmachine morning

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 6:59, Reply)
Yeah, don't get carried away.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:38, Reply)
Half day today. Then I'm off for a few days.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 6:56, Reply)
Gerald's funeral?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:00, Reply)
He was an hero :(

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:18, Reply)
the ending of short circuit 2 always makes me cry

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:29, Reply)
Yeah, he looks stupid when he's been gold plated.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:36, Reply)
Not yet.

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:25, Reply)
KRS is the 15th m8

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:28, Reply)
Thats the weekend of my birthday so we're away.
Sorry mate. We do need a London trip though soon.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:36, Reply)
You are welcome to Len's room whenever you like
Assuming she's not in it, obv
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:54, Reply)
ENABLING

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:01, Reply)
Morgorganing beethreeter's active /talk community

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:05, Reply)
I'm not sure we're a community m8

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:07, Reply)
Ok, old regulars at the local virtual pub
Where manolith is the stand in landlord becuase Rob's in Benidorm or Bangkok spending the meager profits on ladyboys and drag queens
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:17, Reply)
manolith's definitely the flustered student barman who always says "the manager will be back any minute!"
but despite the continuous teasing we all like him anyway because he keeps the piss-soaked /offtopic tramps out
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:21, Reply)
Sounds a lot like my local

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:41, Reply)
12 years in the EU, and Poland still hasn't imported the idea of a local pub :(

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:00, Reply)
What do they do instead?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:19, Reply)
stand around in the park drinking bottles
or getting smashed on vodka in front of the tv, alone, night after night after night
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:20, Reply)
So what you're saying is the rise of the "hoodie" in the early 2000s, which prompted the laughable "hug a hoodie" campaign
Was actually an offshoot of Polish migrant workers bringing their drinking culture to our shores and clashing with the established notion of drinking in pubs?

Also, is squatting a regular pastime over there?
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:49, Reply)
well, if you want to take the UKIP approach to quoting statements
then sure, why not
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:51, Reply)
Well obviously, I mean every white British person is clearly incapable of being anything other than the ubermensch
And all our problems were caused by other countries coming to support our strong economy in times of strife
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:02, Reply)
he's done nothing about that raving chap in the corner whose coat smells of poo though

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:44, Reply)
that's because manolith and Two Hats are bezzie mates
o ho ho ho ho!
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:51, Reply)
Yeah Two Hats can't leave until he's paid off his bar tab
And it's having unforeseen repurcussions
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:53, Reply)
Good morning Grrrmachine

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:20, Reply)
alright sf
how's the bairn?
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:21, Reply)
^interested in children

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 7:53, Reply)
Yes great thanks.
Haven't seen him since Sunday which sucks but travelling home this evening so all good.
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:39, Reply)
sup

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:16, Reply)
alright MONO

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:17, Reply)
how's tricks?

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:00, Reply)
morning, internet pals

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:28, Reply)
morning community member McBeef

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:29, Reply)
rip scotty moore wiv da angles now :'(

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:08, Reply)
:(

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:22, Reply)
Alright

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:39, Reply)
word up

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:52, Reply)
yo yo motherfuckers

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:46, Reply)
yes, people who play with kids toys usually are

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:52, Reply)
good day to you

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:47, Reply)
well met, fine tangled

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 8:52, Reply)
well met, well met, cried he

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:05, Reply)
My name is garidead and I've been sober for three weeks
(that's a lie)

MORNINGS!
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:01, Reply)
^drunk as a skunk, sober as a judge, and as shitfaced as a campaign of Farages^

(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:03, Reply)
Thank you fellow twelve-stepper
*turn it up*
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:05, Reply)
Happy Hug day
But don't fucking touch me
(, Wed 29 Jun 2016, 9:29, Reply)
That thread's full of sweaty weird IT people.
Sanctuary is here.

alright
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:41, Reply)
I'll thank you not to rubbish my thread, Mr Shits-on-car-windscreens.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:44, Reply)
Ha, blobcat has you on ignore

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:47, Reply)
Who?
More likely that I'm ignoring them.

Yep, one of my extensive ignore list.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:49, Reply)
Extensive? So why ignore blobcat? I don't even recognise the name.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:53, Reply)
It's a massive list of tedious qotw wankers,
collected when I came back to b3ta after a few years absence and decided that I didn't want to read poorly written lies and shameful circlejerking.

To be honest, trying to read qotw and not wanting to read that sort of thing weren't really compatible aims.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:58, Reply)
Maybe you should calm down a bit.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 23:05, Reply)
Qotw is dead, I won*.
Just never bothered to clear the list (it's maxed out, so I can't ignore anyone else, nor friend anybody).
I did take Gonz off the list, at Shambles's suggestion, but that was a mistake.
I must have made space for Frank, at some point after coming back to /talk, too, but he's dead now.

*obviously, there are no winners where qotw is concerned.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 23:11, Reply)
What is the maximum list length?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 23:16, Reply)
I can't be bothered to count it again.
Probably about 30.

Tell a lie, I could be bothered, and my list currently stands at 75.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 23:17, Reply)
There's not that many active posters

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 23:24, Reply)
When shambles was having an episode a mod should've 2.0'd all the active posters in his ignore list rather than banning him. Would've been lol.
Or added shambles to everyone's ignore list.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 23:26, Reply)
And I'm sure in her you'll find
Sanctuary
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:53, Reply)
That's an ok song

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:55, Reply)
Trying desparately not to touch lady's boobs at work (and failing...again)
What unexpected challenges do you have at work?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 20:39, Reply)
unhelpful bug reports,
that just say things like such-and-such a feature "doesn't work", or that it "failed".

Thanks guys, i really know where the problem is there.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 20:51, Reply)
I love Gmail's "something's gone wrong. :("

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:00, Reply)
if our software cocks up big time,
it throws a "Major Tantrum".
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:01, Reply)
Ours is just "having a moment"
Sadly used too many times a day *sigh*
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:32, Reply)
i'm thinking of putting in "Guru Meditation"
when i get round to refactoring the exception handling
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:45, Reply)
What guru tho?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:49, Reply)
Oh wonderful
That would make at least 1 person nod in approval before smashing their keyboard.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:50, Reply)
Apache Varnish gets away with it

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:01, Reply)
My (rather shite but my mum bought it for me) windows phone
Always seems to be surprised that hardly anything works.
"Oh we can't load this now, try again later"
Really unhelpful
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:03, Reply)
i'm not talking about the information the software coughs up,
i'm talking about bug reports from users. About our software, that we write.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:04, Reply)
The problem with most users is they're too busy or too stupid to remember what was going on when it went to shit.
Or they know they were doing something they shouldn't have and don't want to own up to it.
It's the same in maintenance, "oh, it just broke"
Yeah, a light fitting pulled itself out of the ceiling while you were asleep.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:06, Reply)
it would help to know what actually happened when they pressed the button,
does "didn't work" mean,
* nothing happened
* the wrong thing happened
* the program crashed

we just don't know
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:10, Reply)
Use overly complicated tick boxes

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:12, Reply)
it's not a web form,
they just e-mail us, we have given them a "script" but they don't bother with it
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:14, Reply)
Oh I've had that before, stop supporting it

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:24, Reply)
i don't know what you mean

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:37, Reply)
Ignore them

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:40, Reply)
we can't ignore our clients mongy,
that would be called "going out of business"
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:41, Reply)
Maybe a sub - dom relationship

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:42, Reply)
i don't eat in either of those places

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:44, Reply)
I've tried big reporting forms, filtering through IT teams
All ignored. Everytime
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:34, Reply)
People expect tech to work. They don't expect to have to make it work or understand anything about it outside of the 2 programs they use, that's what IT are paid for.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:41, Reply)
it's probably not user error in this case,
i wouldn't be at all surprised if there were some weird edge cases with unpredictable behaviour in this particular feature, but, i do need to know what actually happened to have a hope in hell of finding the problem.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:43, Reply)
Can't you remote in and get them to recreate the error while you watch?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:45, Reply)
i don't know ?
might ask about that, it means arranging to be on at the same time though
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:50, Reply)
Do clients not keep office hours?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:07, Reply)
they're academics

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:09, Reply)
Fair, I work in a university, they keep bizarre hours some of them.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:11, Reply)
There's a windows tool (PSR) which is useful
But it only goes so far with details. With advanced users I've trained them to use this. Sadly them 2 users left last month so back to square one.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:54, Reply)
they are not advanced users,
and i use Linux...
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:36, Reply)
I work in custom software, everything written to spec on top of the bog standard product
When you tell me calculation y isn't correct, the least I need to know to figure out whats missing is what is the number you were looking for. When a user doesn't know and their finance supervisor gives me 3 possible numbers as she doesn't 100% know, after the 3rd time of this happening I then lose patience and just work it out myself without asking.

If you can't meet me half way then don't expect it fixed within 24 hours.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:49, Reply)
Who is hiding these numbers, I know most of them, 0 to 9 deffo

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:53, Reply)
It is the hidden nubers inbetween
But the lizard people don't want you to see them.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:55, Reply)
Aww I don't mind lizards , prefer slinks
www.aboutanimals.com/images/blue-tongued-skink-berry-blue-tongue-820x514.jpg?fc21fd
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:03, Reply)
David Icke would be wary of that

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:08, Reply)
i used to work for the software team of a hardware company,
getting info out of the hardware devs was like getting blood out of a stone sometimes. One time i had to add a data panel to something, they didn't tell me anything about the actual format of the data though, i'd just had to guess, and they'd file a CR saying it was wrong but not telling me what it should be. We were in strict control before i got an answer.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:59, Reply)
Feel your pain
You have my sympathies for any dev hell you experience, I've learnt today it is universal.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:03, Reply)
that software team was nice to work with though,
they all knew what they were doing, it was the communication between different teams that was the problem. And the arbitrary demands of the marketing department. But at least i never encountered anything like on thedailywtf.com/
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:08, Reply)
I am nodding too much reading that

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:11, Reply)
i've seen some howlers mind you,
on my current project, like iterating over an entire dictionary map to find the value of a particular key. It was written by students.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:15, Reply)
Don't tend to use dictionaries, but sometimes with a hashmap you have to iterate over the keyset.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:23, Reply)
that rather negates the point of a hashmap, doesn't it?
it was a std::map, if that helps it look any sillier.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:24, Reply)
Not always.
For instance we process a load of stuff that leads itself to map behavior, but then to present/audit it, we just iterate it out.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:31, Reply)
going to need an example sorry

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:35, Reply)
Simple example: saving the contents of a map.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:53, Reply)
oh yeah obviously,
i'm talking about a single key lookup.

i mean, would you do:
for (x in myMap)
{
if (x.key == key) result = x.value;
}
return result;


or just:
return myMap[key];

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 23:02, Reply)
Obviously the latter.
10;)
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 23:24, Reply)
That stripped most of my post 'cos I used a > symbol. Just gonna leave it.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 23:29, Reply)
Come to think of it one of our systems only compares strings by length of characters in lots of places because a c programmer used java and didn't know about .equals()
Everything's a different length, it's fine.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:38, Reply)
haha oh lordy
hilarity ensued one time when unit tests passed on Linux and failed on Windows. Turns out a (presumed) Java programmer writing in C++ thought "char* myString = 0" created an empty string.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:39, Reply)
One of our pro*c systems became os dependent.
Turns out it was oracles precompler behaving differently on different os's.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:56, Reply)
They probably didn't bother with you because you're a girl

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:06, Reply)
Ours don't bother to read a thing.
www.b3ta.com/talk/7957876
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:27, Reply)
One shouldn't equal two bookings, people's heads go into tilt mode

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:33, Reply)
Yeah, that looks well off

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:36, Reply)
REPEAT bookings

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:04, Reply)
I'm obviously a bit dense here.
I'd have said 0 is no bookings, 1 is the first and 2 is a repeat booking.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:08, Reply)
Right so you enter a booking.
And there's a box at the bottom of the form marked repeat bookings.

0 repeat bookings = 1 total, the one you initially entered.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:19, Reply)
And you don't see why that's arse about face?
Would it not be easier to have it as 1=first booking and then 2 as first repeat?
Once you explain it, I can see where you're coming from, but expecting one dense person to explain it properly to another is wishful thinking. Just because you're right doesn't make it user friendly.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:25, Reply)
They chose the wording as well. 'total' may have been better.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:28, Reply)
Fair.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:32, Reply)
Our clinical software keeps warning me that 'a fatal error has occurred' which always shits me up as I assume I've given someone the wrong dose of morphine or something.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:24, Reply)
Sex pests keep making unnecessary contact.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 20:52, Reply)
What are you, some kind of maniac?
I haven't sexually assaulted anyone in over a week, and I'm me.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 20:59, Reply)
I work at a dentists
My job involves leaning over people from the side which, for bigger busted people (men and women), I always end up brushing my forearm on one weekly at least, depending how big the surgery I'm working in is (more room, more I can move around patient)
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:07, Reply)
I find in my job it's rather harder to avoid touching breasts.
And willies and bumholes too for that matter.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:50, Reply)
And in your hobby, which is nice

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:54, Reply)
Are you a sex pest then?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:08, Reply)
One of the best, if not the

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:13, Reply)
He lives in my town. I need to start locking my doors.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:39, Reply)
Kinky

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:42, Reply)
IT wanted a hub put up on the wall, so I put it up on the wall, and then they came and said it was too high up on the wall.
I told them they should have specified and they said it was fairly obvious they'd need to get access to it and I said what was wrong with using a ladder and they said they didn't have ladder training and then I laughed and then they told my boss and then I had to apologise and take the hub Down and put it lower on the wall.

The end.

Windy Pig aged 29 and 11 months.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:02, Reply)
well they could go up with a ladder,
but they wouldn't be able to come back down again without a snake.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:03, Reply)
Oh yeah, I hadn't thought of that. Silly me.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:04, Reply)
Typical EU silly rul.... no wait :(

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:05, Reply)
You could have rigged up some horrendously complex pulley system which would lower the shelf when needed.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:08, Reply)
I'm a very lazy man, if I wanted work if have just moved it first time rather than argue the point.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:10, Reply)
Or asked where they wanted it, ffs

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:15, Reply)
I have learnt my lesson.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:27, Reply)
Maybe Gerald could have guided you, but he's on the sports buildings ; )

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:30, Reply)
Ha!

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:36, Reply)
Or taught them how to climb up on each other's shoulders to reach it.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:10, Reply)
IT. They're not known for their athleticism.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:38, Reply)
That'll learn you , why the fuck did you get a ladder, lazy I.t cunts

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:11, Reply)
It's a lax attitude to H&S like this that keeps claims direct going.
Some lucky social misfit could have broken his leg and got a fat payout next week. Your boss sounds like a prick.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:13, Reply)
Luckily the health and safety at work act is a legacy of the factories act and the eu was still a divided monarchy, sue jews

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:28, Reply)
I just want more people to fall off ladders.
I've done it, and it's no where near as bad as most people think it is.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:29, Reply)
You can drowned, in only 6 inches of ladder, clunk click

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:34, Reply)
You should have played dumb and stuck a wheel hub from a car up there.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:56, Reply)
Is your star sign cancer then?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:00, Reply)
Yes

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:05, Reply)
As a doctor I have to say that's not great.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:09, Reply)
It's alright, I've got some alternative medicine that cures cancer

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:12, Reply)
Yeah don't worry cancer was just made up by the big pharmaceutical companies to scare people into buying their drugs.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:21, Reply)
But I get free prescriptions

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:26, Reply)
We've just been alerted that CQC are coming to inspect the surgery Wednesday after next and they'll ask all sorts of probing questions. As the recently nominated practice Caldicott guardian I can expect a particularly thorough grilling.
Except I'm stopping working Wednesdays from July to look after the baby so they can all go fuck themselves.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:54, Reply)
I hope your practice is.shut down.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:55, Reply)
Me too, and this way I won't have to take any of the blame for it.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 21:57, Reply)
Probing questions? Clinkin this

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:05, Reply)
FFS, trying to get the baby to sleep and there's fucking portugese taxi drivers beeping their horns outside. Think I might spit on them over the balcony.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 22:32, Reply)
It's all very well to decry Brexit chat as boring (which it undeniably was), but at least it kept the board moving.
Anyone got any controversial beliefs/opinions that they'd like to share?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:11, Reply)

Nazis on the khazi
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:12, Reply)
I always knew that mcbeef would be a victim of the Fappening.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:16, Reply)
look how close they are to each other
I couldn't shit next to someone like that
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:16, Reply)
Worried someone might see how small your poo is?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:19, Reply)
disgusting

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:21, Reply)
god damn it, i was saving that for when mcbeef turned up

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:23, Reply)
Fuck.
You.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:25, Reply)
I bet you wouldn't have got my cool title in there though.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:25, Reply)
shame Nazi and khazi are pronounced differently though, eh?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:36, Reply)
There's an eye rhyme there that I think works on a text based forum.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:40, Reply)
MONO! reads everyone's posts out loud

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:58, Reply)
while running his finger along the screen?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:01, Reply)
must make tinder dating difficult

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:01, Reply)
get in, only a mile or so from me
www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/14582988._She_must_be_avoided___Hilarious_sign_warns_of_Barnehurst_s__dumpy_pervert_/
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:13, Reply)
I love comments sections of local papers.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:16, Reply)
Bestbaz is right about that adblock warning, though.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:20, Reply)
the adds on local paper sites are horrific, but i suppose as they don't seem to do a print edition anymore it is the only revenue

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:22, Reply)
Yeah, the first thing i did was right click on it and select 'block element'.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:27, Reply)
Around here, it's always something moronic
followed by "simples" or "end of"
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:37, Reply)
'end of' is a full stop for morons, yes.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:38, Reply)
yep
people saying 'simples' is so annoying that i actually kind of hope meerkats become extinct
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:58, Reply)
might pop down and have a look

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:17, Reply)
well there is a 10 man train so there should be room

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:21, Reply)
"Give her a wide berth."
I bet she'd give you a "wide berth", if you know what I mean.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:18, Reply)
If that was really a problem she would have laminated that sign
Plastic slip says she is still a bit keen to join in.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:22, Reply)
Is "pearly rain" a cockney thing?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:28, Reply)
Misheard Prince Lyrics

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:34, Reply)
lols

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:43, Reply)
i dunno but i bet that some stay dry while others feel the pain

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:03, Reply)
outside it's raining but inside are 6 jacket potatoes

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 19:44, Reply)
not sure

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:16, Reply)
Thanks.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:17, Reply)
I drink water from a mug
Apparently 50% of my office thinks this is odd.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:18, Reply)
It's odd
for some reason that escapes me, water ought to be drunk from a transparent vessel.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:21, Reply)
I'm anyways nervous about finding a shilling at the bottom of my drink.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:22, Reply)
It is a bit wrong.
I got a cheap plastic glass from the pound shop, as I dislike drinking water from a mug.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:21, Reply)
What is the deal with this?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:22, Reply)
Mugs are for hot drinks.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:23, Reply)
Cup nazi

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:25, Reply)
No cup for you!
Haha, I don't even understand this reference!
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:31, Reply)
Someone here uses little plastic tumblers despite a load of pint glasses and hi-balls.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:29, Reply)
You disgust me.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:22, Reply)
Shut your whore mouth

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:29, Reply)
Shove your mug up your cockend and shit out some water.
Into a fucking glass you wrongun.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:30, Reply)
Yeah, you'd pay for that shit on pornhub
Will email you a link to it later
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:32, Reply)
I only watch thornehub. I love Willie.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:35, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:03, Reply)
I think I'm going to be sick.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:26, Reply)
Ooooh better not do it in a mug or you'll be judged

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:29, Reply)
Yeah, that's weird. Bottled water only.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:26, Reply)
Peckham Spring

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:29, Reply)
Phil in the workshop refills the same plastic bottle from the tap 2 or 3 times a day, even though we have as much bottled water as we like for free.
One day I'll ask him why.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:31, Reply)
Is it nearer?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:32, Reply)
Nope. Bottles of water in the fridge, closer than the tap.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:41, Reply)
Because tap water is perfectly safe to drink and using a fresh bottle each time is a needless waste of the earth's resources?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:33, Reply)
He just wants to watch the world burn
:(
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:35, Reply)
When I was in Iceland they were very proud of this fact.
It was glacial water right enough. But they didn't even seem to like the idea of people buying water just for the refillable bottle.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:35, Reply)
Bottled water is a stupid idea,
but public drinking fountains are probably worse.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:40, Reply)
their water smells like guffs though

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:04, Reply)
only the hot.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:07, Reply)
sorry
their water smells like hot guffs though
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:40, Reply)
There's fuck all wrong with council juice.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:30, Reply)

gfycat.com/BrokenAlienatedCondor
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:38, Reply)
I'm starting to enjoy gfycat urls more than the gifs.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:40, Reply)
Double deckers are well shit.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:21, Reply)
That's just received wisdom

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:22, Reply)
You'll see the double decker apologists posting h8 on this.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:24, Reply)
I had a double decker yesterday. It was distinctly mediocre and a bit cold.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:26, Reply)
like sex with your nan.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:27, Reply)
#DoubleDexit

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:29, Reply)
YOU AND ME ARE THROUGH
Done. Over.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 17:22, Reply)
Told you mm, the leftist pc choco brigade always turn up.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 17:28, Reply)
ell oh ell

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 18:06, Reply)
My guffs smell well lovely

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:39, Reply)
Guffs are like kids: you can appreciate your own, but other people's are intolerable.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:42, Reply)

ou can appreciate your own, but other people's are intolerable. they're much funnier if you make them under water
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:50, Reply)

you can appreciate your own, but other people's are intolerable if they come out brown, something's gone wrong
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:07, Reply)
I've had to quarantine myself from talk because of being in sense-of-humour-failure mode. I thought it would pass but seems not,
so I am going to stay away until I've rebooted somehow
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:42, Reply)
have you tried turning it off and on again?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:44, Reply)
Maybe he should try straightening out a paperclip and poking it in his small hole.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:52, Reply)
don't worry there has been nothing funny on here for bloody ages, its just got even shitter

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:46, Reply)
HÜ?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:47, Reply)
fuck hu

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:58, Reply)
Kelly Hu?
Yes, please!
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:11, Reply)
^ she wouldn't

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:12, Reply)
aw come back soon vlad
I find this place to be an oasis of common sense in this crazy, mixed-up world of ours
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:56, Reply)
Is this about the drinking water from a mug? I CAN CHANGE!
No I can't :(
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:00, Reply)
i understand
but i'm not happy about it
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:00, Reply)
Ban him, manolith.
Ban him, then sign up a new account for him and force him to use it.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:07, Reply)
nor am i, but hey it's only football

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:26, Reply)
reckon this is true?
i.imgur.com/8wOOcUJ.png
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:29, Reply)
apparently not
@TheBirnie never said those words, in fact they were very respectful and most of them came over to shake our hands
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:33, Reply)
nice work, detective

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:39, Reply)
thanks
if anything, the internet needs more detectives and armchair psychologists/politicians
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:41, Reply)
*tips fedora*

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:48, Reply)
m'lady

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 17:02, Reply)
If it's something I said, I promise I can change.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 16:06, Reply)
Well I tried on the new ceramic daytonas, and they are nothing special, the dream watch the fanboys have been waiting for? No it's not worth it, there

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 18:30, Reply)
No to Europe, no to ceramic daytonas, you're becoming very negative, mongy.
What's next? Gonna pick on a popular chocolate bar, like some sort of prick?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 19:01, Reply)
Look if they had altered the watch case like they had for the others I'd have been in, but it's the same watch, but now with too much writing and a bezel I'd probably break

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 19:05, Reply)
I'm not no to Europe, I'm no to the direction it is taking, , if they had beefed up the case and used less legistive writing I'd have bought one

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 19:09, Reply)
Look I like a kit kat, but the chunky one is over sized and frankly looks ridiculous

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 19:11, Reply)
I've not had mint aero in years. Could quite go one.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 19:29, Reply)
racist

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 19:39, Reply)
Wispa Gold

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 19:53, Reply)
I'd rather a crunchie

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 20:07, Reply)
Sticks in the teeth, a bit.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 20:33, Reply)
Can you dance?
I watched The Mask last night. He seduces Cameron Diaz by dancing. I'm not convinced, but I might be wrong about how well dancing works as a language of love because I can barely do big fish little fish cardboard box.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:04, Reply)
I hung up my dancing shoes once I became a dad

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:05, Reply)
I thought fatherhood was supposed to be a joy
you could have done an Over-the-moonwalk
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:06, Reply)
Yeah
i can dance. I just choose not to.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:07, Reply)
tap? jazz? ballroom?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:07, Reply)
Rudimentary Salsa

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:09, Reply)
^ doesn't chop his peppers finely enough

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:20, Reply)
Tin of chopped tomatoes
plus a roughly smashed pickled onion does for my party guests.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:42, Reply)
I roughly smashed your nan's pickled onion m8

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:44, Reply)
That's why you didn't get invited
to my other nan's funeral.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:58, Reply)
Squirt of ketchup, dollop of sweet chilli sauce.
Instant salsa (for the undiscerning palate).
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:03, Reply)

salsa red paint
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:18, Reply)
YOU'RE ALL SHIT.
Red onion, 3 Chillies, 3 Tomatoes, juice of a lime, fresh corriander. Pulse in food processor. Done.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 17:21, Reply)
Yeah, I can make actual salsa if I want to,
but knowing how to get by on cupboard staples is a useful skill.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 18:08, Reply)
No, but I can hold my own in a mosh pit

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:07, Reply)
mate, you should hold other people, moshpit solidarity
\m/
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:08, Reply)
Oh, I'm all about that, someone goes down, pull em up, pat on the back, back into the meat grinder
The cunts who think it's fine to throw fucking roundhouse kicks in a pit are just asking to be launched, they give the scene a bad image
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:26, Reply)
I would be proud to mosh alongside you, Hotfuck Belmington Mupps

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:31, Reply)
Best example of pit solidarity I saw was in Carcass at Hellfest a few years back
Right at the front, huge crush of people, a guy drops his phone. The entire pit stops and spreads out to help the guy find it. He grabs it, pockets it, massive cheer, everyone dives in with such force he's lifted into a crowd surf. Great gig as well
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:39, Reply)
Thought it stood for Harry Belafonte

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:17, Reply)


We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don't dance
And if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine
Say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Because you're one far behind

We can dance

We can go where we want to
The night is young and so am i
And we can dress real neat
From out hats to our feet
Then surprise them with a big trick ride
Say, we can act if we want to
If we don't, nobody will
And you can act real rude
And totally removed
And i can act like an imbusil

Say, we can dance
We can dance
Everything's outta control

We can dance
We can dance
We're doing it more and more
We can dance
We can dance
Everybody look at your hands
We can dance
We can dance
Everybody's taking the cha-nce
It's a safety dance
Oh well, it's a safety dance
Yes, it's a safety dance

We can dance if we want to
We've got all your life and mine
As long as we abuse it
Never gonna lose it
Everything will work out right
I say, we can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
Because your friends don't dance
And if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine

I say, we can dance
We can dance
Everything's outta control
We can dance
We can dance
We're doing it more and more
We can dance
We can dance
Everybody look at your hands
We can dance
We can dance
Everybody's taking the cha-ance
Well, it's a safety dance
Yes, it's a safety dance
Well, it's a safety dance
Oh well, it's a safety dance
Ah yes, it's a safe dance
Well, it's a safety dance
It's a safety dance
It's a safety dance

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:10, Reply)
Oh it is
Hands
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:11, Reply)
No
Not since *looks away solemnly* the accident
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:10, Reply)
Ill timed crotch thrust that put someone's eye out?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:13, Reply)
won't. do. the time. warp. agaaaaiiiiiin.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:15, Reply)
shitting your pants is a sign of manliness

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:13, Reply)
I can only dance when inebriated.
Sufficiently inebriated so as not to care that other people can see what a terrible dancer I am.

I don't know how effective dancing is as a method of seduction, but it can't be any less successful than glumly hanging around the edge of the dancefloor, trying to drink enough bottles of Beck's to chase away the self doubt.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:11, Reply)
fancy a dance?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:13, Reply)
Only if you lead.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:14, Reply)
always

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:14, Reply)
nope
i can jerk my limbs spastically, but only after several beers
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:14, Reply)

after several bee during office hou
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:16, Reply)
he always spills the tea

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:49, Reply)
I done a dance once.
True story that.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:15, Reply)
Cool story bro

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:16, Reply)
Inorite!!

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:33, Reply)
no u neva

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:16, Reply)
:( terrible bullying.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:23, Reply)
I think I should be banned

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:24, Reply)
If only /talk had a mod.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:34, Reply)
highland fling, probably

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:41, Reply)
and yet that terrier never called him back :(

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:48, Reply)
yeah

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:16, Reply)
cool

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:17, Reply)
Nope, guilty feet aint got no rhythm

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:18, Reply)
what crimes have your feet committed?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:20, Reply)
Cheated a friend, I'll warrant.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:22, Reply)
What a wasted chance you were given

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:30, Reply)
Thoughtless aero
or something
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:34, Reply)
ABH

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:25, Reply)
They did pong

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:34, Reply)
fleeing a crime scene?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:42, Reply)
I used to strut my stuff on the stage at The Cellar on goth night.
In my fishnet shirt and eye make up, right leather trousers waving my arms around like a twat.
However, I'd never have met ladypig if I didn't go there to act the cunt. So in answer to your question, dancing is very important to the loving
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:59, Reply)
I perforned the Uprock dance on stage in front of a sold-out Brixton Academy once

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 15:18, Reply)
I've found out I can get Italian citizenship
and it will cost less than 100, it can be done from the UK and I can keep my British passport as well so I'm a gonna becoma Italiano shuddupaya face lorra lorra.

What is the easiest decision you've made recently?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:00, Reply)
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:02, Reply)
Wot?
I could become Brazilian but I fucking hate Portuguese. Sounds like someone's got an infection and an impediment.

We've already got 4 passports between me and my partner, quite tempted to try for 6. How much fun would that be?!
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:04, Reply)
clicking mongy's post

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:04, Reply)
just don't go to the suburbs of Naples
it's a shithole.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:05, Reply)
I think my papers would be approved in Verona
But it's basically so I can get through passport queues quicker when I go on holiday.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:08, Reply)
I've really enjoyed watching Farage putting the boot in at the EU Parliament
what have you enjoyed watching recently?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:26, Reply)
Force fed crap and you fucking lap it up.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:28, Reply)
I just caught a bit of that on the radio
"None of you have ever had proper jobs" lol
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:28, Reply)
yeah, that was the bit I was referring to
made me lol
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:30, Reply)
I love how he is so certain that Europe will come crawling to us begging for trade deals that he can just stand in front of them and call them all pricks

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:37, Reply)
Uttered by a failed trader whose current 'job' is to take EU money and never turn up.
I hope he dies.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:30, Reply)
I hope he lives to be held accountable for his bullshit.
Failing that, I'd be happy to see him ripped apart by wolves.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:32, Reply)
He's such a cunt though; even everything was patently hes fault, he'd still blame Europe for being mean, or the negotiators.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:33, Reply)
he is an excellent troll though

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:32, Reply)
Not really a failed trader, both my brothers were forex traders both stopped at around 40, its a young mans game

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:32, Reply)
he turned up today

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:37, Reply)
Only to do a childish victory dance like a cunt.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:46, Reply)
i think we can assume that whatever he is currently doing, he is doing it 'like a cunt'

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:49, Reply)
he turned gay today

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:38, Reply)
I turned gay for him today

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:50, Reply)
^ gay

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:53, Reply)
Don't tell me he's actually turned up there?
I've enjoyed seeing the Brexit camp furiously backpedaling on their promises to cut immigration, give extra money to the NHS, and actually leave the EU.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:28, Reply)
oh yeah, Junker wasn't very impressed

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:32, Reply)
Still kissed him

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:36, Reply)
Had anyone there thought to point out that, as an MEP, he had ample opportunity to affect change from within,
and that his choice to suckle at the teat of EU expenses whilst doing absolutely fuck all in return is grotesquely insulting to the people who elected him into that position in first place, and immeasurably hypocritical?

On the other hand, the people who elected him were witless morons who got exactly what they deserved, and now the rest of us are paying the price.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:36, Reply)
I blame the French for doing a shoddy job of tampering with his car.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:47, Reply)
That was fun.
Pity Farrage is indestructible.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:49, Reply)
I'm hoping God is only keeping him alive to experience inoperable lung cancer

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:59, Reply)

they had ONE job...
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/nigel-farage/11468004/Ukip-leader-Nigel-Farages-2010-plane-crash-while-campaigning-in-pictures.html
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:34, Reply)

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/nigel-farage/11470835/The-strange-sad-fate-of-Nigel-Farages-crash-pilot.html
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:36, Reply)
Lexi belle

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:29, Reply)
she done anything good recently?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:31, Reply)
Dunno, I was lying grrry

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:33, Reply)
I can't believe you've done this to me
I bet after all this time you really preferred Lisa Ann anyway
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:34, Reply)
I just can't be bothered with this constant political chat, its so boring, manolith should start stepping for it

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:50, Reply)
it really is boring
who would be left though if i stepped people for being boring?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:52, Reply)
The eu has managed to kill this forum

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:53, Reply)
Brexit killed this forum.
You voted for it, you ought to take some responsibility for it.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:54, Reply)
No its just made a forum of dull sore losers

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:04, Reply)
If people hadn't voted leave, I'd have been a graceful victor.
Your fault.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:08, Reply)
/qftw is for bolloticks chat

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:55, Reply)
And I'm not allowed there so its win win for us all

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:01, Reply)
I was enjoying watching Ip Man 3 on Sunday...until I passed out
Very excited that series 2 of Marco Polo comes out on Friday. First one was absolutely brilliant.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:30, Reply)
Ip man sounds like he has a fusion reactor in his chest to keep a load of network servers running
"must.... resolve... host...."
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:33, Reply)
I haven't seen the third one, yet.
The first two were great, dunno why Donnie Yen never became a household name, really.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:38, Reply)
He's fucking brilliant

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:42, Reply)
I liked it when they cast him in Blade 2, but then got Wesley Snipes to fight a CGI Danny John Jules instead.
What a waste.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:46, Reply)
It's shit compared to the first 2

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:00, Reply)
The sun set
making nice orangy then red skies over the Welsh horizon, followed by blue, moonlit clouds.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:38, Reply)
well, i'm pleased for you. personally, i could go several lifetimes without seeing/hearing from him ever again

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:43, Reply)
you will once he sends you back where you came from

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:47, Reply)
wouldn't it be easier to move him somewhere rather than move everyone away from him
like, into an abandoned well
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:48, Reply)
Kashyyyk?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:48, Reply)
i realised what this was going to be halfway through googling it
but well played, nonetheless
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:50, Reply)
bless you

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:51, Reply)
Oh come on, 3 y's?
That's clearly a made up word
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:01, Reply)
I think he fancies you

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:47, Reply)
probably
i'm about as english as it gets, heritage wise
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:49, Reply)
christ
he would be a full mast now
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:50, Reply)
i've got girly hair though
i assume he's into more traditionally masculine men
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:53, Reply)
you'll turn him

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:56, Reply)
Have a pearl you swine
Just got a text from the current Mrs.Cadmonkey. She is waiting in a recpetion somewhere for someone called Dan to arrive so they can have a meeting. Unfortunately, it seems that Steve Coogan is also currently waiting for something in the same waiting room.

Thoughts of Father Ted spotting Richard Wilson come to mind. When Dan arrives, what can she do?

This is a QOTW anecdote in the making
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:42, Reply)
go about her business in a calm and professional manner
and leave a washed up ex-comedian to fade into well-earned obscurity
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:43, Reply)
^

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:46, Reply)
Does she know his surname?
Alternatively she could ask steve if he's got any gak.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:44, Reply)
"Coogan" I think
Gak?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:47, Reply)
I was making light of the fact that Steve Coogan is well known to love the sniff.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:48, Reply)
Away with you and your sensible suggestions!
You are not teaming with the theme
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:01, Reply)
Proffer a spitroast

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:45, Reply)
Too few women keep a roast hog about their person.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:51, Reply)
hahahaha yeah

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:46, Reply)
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:49, Reply)
fully agreeing with MONO here

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:49, Reply)
Throw herself into his arms and thrust her tongue down his throat.
Tell Dan she wants him to make love to her in ways her husband never imagined.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:50, Reply)
hold on, why are you stressing "current" Mrs Cadmonkey?
Is the nature of this relationship ephemeral? Is she aware that she is simply one of many ships passing through the Panama Canal of your lovelife, and that there's another frigate, schooner or ferry waiting round the next bend of the river? Are you setting her up for public embarrassment to weaken her resolve, so that she's more easily bent to your whims so that you can use her and discard her like to many women before her?

You need to sort your love life out mate, that sounds fucking tragic. You're a monster.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:51, Reply)
She's black and shrivelled

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:53, Reply)
It's a line I nicked from Terry Wogan
I'll stop using it when it stops making me giggle.

and 'current' since 1988...
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:57, Reply)
Only care givers put up with patter like that for that long

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:06, Reply)
It was an attempt to lighten the mood...
...in case she sees this page and tries to kill me.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:29, Reply)
If she sees this page
Then there will be more than one alarm bell ringing in her head.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:31, Reply)
Ask him why his own brother hates him

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:58, Reply)
Ask him if he's embarrassed about shagging a prossie on a bed covered in money when he first 'made it'
Then ask him if he's sure, given that the money was FIVE POUND NOTES
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:01, Reply)
Then ask him if Courtney Love gave him cock-rot.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:02, Reply)
That Dan certainly gets around.
Not sure I'd want my missus to be waiting for him.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:04, Reply)
Did he let you keep any of the fivers?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:02, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:03, Reply)
I lol'd

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:16, Reply)
woah
well cool
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:08, Reply)
Ask him why his films are universally shit, and with that in mind, why he continues to make them.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:03, Reply)
I liked Alpha Papa.
It had Colm Meaney and Tim Key in it.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:05, Reply)
That was ok. But it still had a 'bad steve coogan film retooled into a slightly better partridge film' vibe about it.
Tim Key and Colm were great though.

I still think my favourite role Colm has played is Jimmy Rabbitte Sr though.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:07, Reply)
I think Tim Key is shit

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:24, Reply)


(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:25, Reply)
Don't you ever get tired of being wrong?
All Bar Luke was marvelous.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:29, Reply)
Slutcracker was a brilliant stand up show also

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 14:10, Reply)
He was rather excellent in The Driver, last year.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:26, Reply)
I liked him best when he was in space

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:31, Reply)
walk up to him and say "I'm a huge fan of your work, Mr Evans"
and ask him what it was like working with Bruce Willis on Fifth Element
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:04, Reply)
FTW

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:34, Reply)
EIL5

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:06, Reply)
Oh do fuck off
/ac
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:19, Reply)
This is why you can't have nice things
I got "most popular link" the other week with 2 votes.

*edit* by 'do...' do you mean "I will..."
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:33, Reply)
I write documentation for a variety of systems and procedures
I just saw this, which quite accurately sums up my more mundane tasks.

What's the shittest part of your job?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:30, Reply)
Configuration. Namely convincing customers it's not our app, it's the network team.
This has gotten more difficult since our clients have started using 'netscalers'. Because they're fucking shit and don't work.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:32, Reply)
other people

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:33, Reply)
grrry, i think we do a similar job

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:35, Reply)
wouldn't surprise me
we're both excellent people
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:35, Reply)
radical

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:37, Reply)
I also do a job which covers part of this

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:38, Reply)
Hang on, why does the client need lube and not the donor?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:33, Reply)

Quality Control for products
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:34, Reply)
I don't think the quality of sperm will be that high from the kind of person who gets paid £15 to jizz in a cup.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:37, Reply)
£15!?
I'm in the wrong fucking job
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:38, Reply)
Yeah, I can live on £750 a week.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:40, Reply)
mate, you can't resell the product you suck out of each passing sailor
that's immoral
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:43, Reply)
Shut up grrry

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:48, Reply)
Having to do work when I could be bantering with all you WONDERFUL people

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:37, Reply)
^ Archbishop of Banterbury

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:39, Reply)
^ implying there is a God
ATHEIST FEDORA TRIGGERED
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:44, Reply)
^pops out for a cheeky SJW

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:46, Reply)
^Pato Bantz-on

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:43, Reply)
Replying to petty jobsworth emails all day and trying not to lose it with pricks who are more interested in shafting each other in the pursuit of promotion than actually doing their fucking jobs

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:39, Reply)
brrr.
Some folk here are far more interested in spending time working out who's liable than fixing the problem which needs to be fixed regardless.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:43, Reply)
Apportioning blame solves everything oh wait no it doesn't

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:48, Reply)
I like to go with 'i fixed the problem, i don't give a fuck who pays for it; that's the upto the pm'.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:50, Reply)
Omg r u george osborne

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:52, Reply)
I wish. I'd have some gak.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:54, Reply)
Washing out the cups.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:44, Reply)
I wish I had a domestic servant.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:45, Reply)
Customers who send bug reports that are lacking any detail past a screenshot with a line saying "it doesn't work"
"There are 30 options on screen, narrow it down"
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:44, Reply)
One of our customers sends us screenshots of error messages from our application for things like "unable to enter data for that day as data has been approved, please unapprove data for that day'.
To which we then have to open a ticket and send an email saying

"you are unable to enter data for that day as data has been approved, please unapprove data for that day"
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:46, Reply)
Yes but WHY???
The absolute worst user is one that has input in the spec writing process then has no idea why the option does what it does when they get to use it.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:56, Reply)
We had a massive argument with one customer over the definition of repeat. Complete with links to dictionaries.
The option was repeat bookings?

0 = no repeat bookings
1 = 2 bookings
2 = 2 bookings
3 = 3 etc.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:59, Reply)
what's your favourite tea?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:28, Reply)
Mister

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:28, Reply)
^

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:38, Reply)
he pities you, you know

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:41, Reply)
hang on a fucking flunch

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:45, Reply)

tea mr
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:29, Reply)
Shirts

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Afternoon.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:32, Reply)
Bit early m8

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:35, Reply)
he's switched to EU time because he'd rather hang out with the Belgians and French than his own countrymen

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:42, Reply)
Fucking traitor
*Adds him to the list*
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:51, Reply)
I'm only racist against the English.
They've oppressed me for too long.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:53, Reply)
Mediocri

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:33, Reply)
you've come to the right place

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:34, Reply)
bee three tea eh

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:35, Reply)
found the Canadian.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:35, Reply)
i wouldn't mind being a canadian

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:02, Reply)
I can get dual UK/Canadian Citizenship, my sister's got it
I got the forms but couldn't be arsed filling them in. Fucking pages of questions
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:06, Reply)
my girlfriend and her daughter have it
but then they're actually canadian-british rather than having just filled in a form like a retard
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:11, Reply)
i like snow and politeness, and that trudeau seems like a decent sort
and his name's got 'rude' in it, hurr hurr
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:18, Reply)
Sustsinabili

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:33, Reply)
Tesco's Strawberry and Vanilla

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:33, Reply)
why do I always have to have favourites?
I like different things at different times for different reasons
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:34, Reply)
You are an INDIVIDUAL

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:35, Reply)
so you have changing favourites?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:35, Reply)
I'm fickle

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:36, Reply)
but they're still favourites, right?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:36, Reply)
no, they're just things I like

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:41, Reply)
more than other things

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:44, Reply)
you've always been my favourite

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:47, Reply)
awwww

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:10, Reply)
the one that someone else made me
i'm always making the fucking tea

might be because i seem to drink 4 times as much as anyone else in the office, but still
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:34, Reply)
no, it's because you're the office bitch

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:35, Reply)
you wish, ma8

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:41, Reply)
that's because they're racists

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:36, Reply)
i KNEW it

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:42, Reply)
at what point does "news" stop being news?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:44, Reply)
never, i guess?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:47, Reply)
or immediately

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:49, Reply)
yeah, i guess it depends on perception

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:56, Reply)
as soon as you hear it I imagine

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:11, Reply)
alright Adam

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:42, Reply)
Bagging
Everytime
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:34, Reply)
^ works for the Gaffer

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:36, Reply)
Oh to be the Baggee
One day, one day...
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:42, Reply)
found a few 'unexpected items' in the bagging area, did you?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:46, Reply)
Unexpected item?
Not to ME.

*forces cucumber into receipt slot*
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:09, Reply)
Yorkshire.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:36, Reply)
It's a reliable brew.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:37, Reply)
The little one on military watches

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:38, Reply)
Texas

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:39, Reply)
In Norway, the phrase "totally Texas" is slang for crazy
Them Norge's they are so totally Texas sometimes.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:41, Reply)
I love the Norsk almost as much as I love the Icelanders

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:43, Reply)
I haven't got my Grr chart of nations he loves through the post yet
Is it in the top half or the bottom half?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:05, Reply)
Top half m8
it basically goes
1) Iceland
2) Norway
3) Sweden
4) Finland
5) Denmark
6) everyone else drowning in a massive cesspit filled with the effluence of their own self-importance
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:08, Reply)
So all the nations where their ugly females are either exported or killed?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:16, Reply)
Bored of amusing answers
Lady Gray
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:43, Reply)

r
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:44, Reply)

Gra Bo
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:44, Reply)

L Slim Sh
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:44, Reply)
that has to be the most bent tea you can get
but then I think I am right in thinking that you are one of them, so it's probably fine for you to like bent tea
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:49, Reply)
Look
I've tried repling to this a few times now but everything I write comes across like Julian Clary.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 13:07, Reply)
Red bush
As it's both a real tea and a bit lol.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:49, Reply)
It's not a real tea.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:53, Reply)
what?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:12, Reply)
he said:
RED BUSH AS IT'S BOTH A REAL TEA AND A BIT LOL
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:14, Reply)
PARDON?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:48, Reply)
Heath-cliff
It's me-a red-tea just brewed, so-ho-ho-ho boldly infused with roo-i-bo-o-os
/Red Bush
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:19, Reply)
They call it Red Bush
Woah Red Bush.
They call it Red Bush city limits
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:25, Reply)
um, normal tea, i dunno

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:31, Reply)
Iceland LOL
England is utter shit in football since 4eva HAHAHAHAHAHA
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:13, Reply)
Carry on.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:15, Reply)
Is it your job to point out the obvious
Or is it a hobby you are quite good at?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:16, Reply)

the main reason for the English national team never to be able to excel at anything is because they don't have no foreigners, someone once told me.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:23, Reply)
It's cheaper to import talented players than it is to nurture talent at home.
It's the same principle by which hospitals are staffed.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:25, Reply)
I've started outsourcing my posts on here to cheaper migrant labour
it frees me up to concentrate on my work and family
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:35, Reply)
Did this person also say
"Is someone listening to this phone conversation? Look mate only I do the heavy breathing on this line"
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:38, Reply)
^ couldn't even score a goal against Poland

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:18, Reply)
^ couldn't even score a goal for Poland

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:22, Reply)
^any hole's a goal with Roland

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:24, Reply)
Poland getting a no-score draw against the current world champions
is as much an achievement as Iceland vs Portugal, so well done to the plucky underdogs. But if the country that scored 7 goals against Brazil can't even get one past the kids next door, that's a pretty embarrassing state of affairs.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:25, Reply)
I'm already out of my depth in this exchange.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:27, Reply)
probably best to GAZ mongychops at this point

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:30, Reply)
morgun

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 6:08, Reply)
The workshop is going to be like a football managers convention this morning.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 6:53, Reply)
Thrilled as I was to watch England lose to a bunch of amateurs,
I didn't realise until much later that this means I can't win Dovestone's sweeps.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 7:17, Reply)
This was deliberate in order to stir up more hate crime.
Without the footie as a distraction what else is the north/the working classes/another social grouping going to do with their time now?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 7:36, Reply)
Err charlton played amateurs

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:09, Reply)
I don't know much about football, but I don't think club teams play in this tournament.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:30, Reply)
No but charlton have a player in the iceland squad, not at all amateur

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:38, Reply)
I see.
I thought you meant that Charlton only fielded unpaid volunteers.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:43, Reply)
It looks like it at times, but they are actually on a few grand a week

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:56, Reply)
Where he went wrong was that he played footballers
He should have put actual lions on the pitch
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:14, Reply)
danny baker seems a bit peeved
www.joe.co.uk/sport/bbc-broadcaster-goes-on-astonishing-foul-mouthed-rant-after-englands-euro-2016-exit/69676
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:53, Reply)
I saw this
He can be a petulant son of a bitch once in a while, his twitter feed should be avoided for Eurovision night. Then again man who makes his bread and butter talking does some more shocker.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:56, Reply)
I quite liked hearing him talk to Richard Herring.
He seems quite pragmatic about his work not being very good.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:43, Reply)
If you read his books, he realises that he has lucked out on life and is just enjoying it until it ends
He is notoriously bad with money, but then again the Daz commercials paid for his house.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:18, Reply)
I especially liked the bit when he was doing consumer affairs stuff, but had to give it up because he found himself siding with the criminals and cowboys.
There was an undercover thing for tv they did about how easy it was to get guns, which involved them handing cash over to a dodgy looking bloke they'd just met who never returned. Baker seemed to be the only one who was completely unsurprised at this.

I don't mind Baker for that sort of thing, because he admits he has no integrity and is just taking the piss and having fun. What irks me is seeing respected actors (like Kietel etc) who don't need the money advertising car insurance. Or the way DeNiro seems to be doing any old shit.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Danny Dyer's whole career

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:53, Reply)
I feel slightly sorry for him. He's unhappy he's been typecast, but knows he's too thick to do anything about it.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 12:34, Reply)
Hi HOOO Grrry

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 7:13, Reply)
HOOOOOOOOOO
the best team won
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 7:20, Reply)
Based on what I heard last night, there's no excuse for any more than two Os per HOO.
A would probably suffice.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 7:22, Reply)
We aren't allowed use umlauts anymore
Well, we can but we have to give them back after article 50, so we may as well get used to a world without them
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 7:45, Reply)
Théy cån tåkē öùr ËÛ mémbêrshïp, būt théy'll névèr tãkē ōür dìãcrîtīcs.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:33, Reply)
^ stupid fucking pro-brexit messageboard
:(
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:34, Reply)
^ this

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:34, Reply)
this is your most coherent post ever
i have clicked it accordingly
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:45, Reply)
I expect to be top of the popular page until October.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:55, Reply)
Ⅎ♇ this now

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:55, Reply)
Yeah. On here implied it would be a protracted almost 'who' sound.
The reality was somewhat more terrifying.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:33, Reply)
It was certainly preferable to the "singing" that they English fans indulge in.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:35, Reply)
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON'T TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME etc.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:46, Reply)
^ that
There was a very upset man being interviewed on the radio, this morning, who regretted spending so much money on his trip to France, after England ruined everything by being so shit. Made me laugh.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:52, Reply)
Perhaps he should be in the memento sequel.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:28, Reply)
When I started it I was asking a question and having a joke, thinking it was something the forum could have a hoooooot with, I won't fucking bother next time :(

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:59, Reply)
That'll teach you.
Football tournaments aren't supposed to be fun, mongy.

Is there nothing we can't suck the joy out of?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:02, Reply)
Well never again, sod your hooooo, and sod your go team gb, fun sponges the lot of you

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:48, Reply)
#notall/talkers

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:49, Reply)
You're quite tall, manolith.
Why the self hate?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:50, Reply)
Vg

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:55, Reply)
#penismightierthansword

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:56, Reply)
lol willys

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:03, Reply)
That was certainly the gendarmes take on it.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:27, Reply)
hullo chaps

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 7:56, Reply)
hullo mcbeef
what's your opinion on football?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 7:59, Reply)
I have literally no interest in it whatsoever
This goes for all sports
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:25, Reply)
i assumed you loved all sports
why else would you be obsessed with trainers?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:48, Reply)
He probably slobs around the house in a tracksuit, too.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:53, Reply)
unbelievable

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:50, Reply)
gninrom

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:18, Reply)
!ONOM olleh

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:27, Reply)
?enihcamrrrG ,uoy era woh

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:31, Reply)
wankers

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:34, Reply)
tib a sehca llits pih ym tub ,sknaht enif
?yad eht rof snalp yna tog
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:54, Reply)
dlo gnitteg er'uoy
yadot tenretni eht no tuoba kcid ot gniog tsuj ylbaborp m'I
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:00, Reply)
Alright

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:22, Reply)
yer you?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:28, Reply)
Aye bouncin

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:40, Reply)
War looks alright

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:22, Reply)
yeah, your boy's onto a winner again

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:28, Reply)
freemun

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:47, Reply)
^ works at Black Mesa

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:55, Reply)
I understand this reference.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:56, Reply)
well done you

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:22, Reply)
I'm quite pleased.
I only just found out what "I AM ERROR" was, last night.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:30, Reply)
oh man
wait until you discover 'all your base'!
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:58, Reply)
lol!
It's funny because Japanese and English are different languages!
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:06, Reply)
Why do we all have to wear these ridiculous ties?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:21, Reply)
it's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sunshiney daaaay

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:47, Reply)
I loved his cover of that nine inch nails song

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:55, Reply)
I am in Cheltenham Spa
Is there anything to do in Cheltenham Spa?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:52, Reply)
Spas are great.
Go for a swim, or get a massage. Maybe even a facial, if you're feeling lucky.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:54, Reply)

yes
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 8:56, Reply)
Walks with Hawks sounds aces.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:18, Reply)

aces like a name bestowed upon Bravestarr by natives
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:34, Reply)
I once took a shit on a car windscreen in Cheltenham. So there's that.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:01, Reply)
oh my god, it was short for 'windy pigeon' all along!

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:19, Reply)
Buy a pint of milk and a lottery ticket.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:30, Reply)
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY
WHAT JOY FOR YOUR EYEBALLS
EDIT: LUCKILY THIS WAS IN 2013 WHEN WE DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. OR SOMETHING
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:03, Reply)
HÜ?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:08, Reply)
DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A FAN OF GERMAN THUNDERCATS
SCHAL SCHAL
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:13, Reply)
kristen?
cor!
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:25, Reply)
GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A RAKE
and I typed that by holding down the shift key, so it's a double fuck you
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:08, Reply)
BOGOF

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:10, Reply)
FOGOFOF

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:11, Reply)
EXCELLENT USE OF YOUR CAPS LOCK GRR

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:45, Reply)
Bore da
bachgen a merched. Siwt mae? Rydym ni'n mewn a gem!
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:11, Reply)
Another cloudy day at Innsmouth?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:13, Reply)
This is why your country is economically deprived m8

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:22, Reply)
Pretty sure it was the Thatcher government's war on the mining industry.
Might get upset about that, for a change.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:36, Reply)
That was 30 years ago m8
they've had 6 billion pounds in regional development in the last 16 years, which has seem GDP per capita drop from 79% to 68% of the EU average for some completely incomprehensible reason.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:44, Reply)
I transcribed the interviews that my better half did for her thesis on the role of women during the strikes.
To say that people are still "^ upset" would be an understatement.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:49, Reply)
I'm sure they are still upset
if the last time they had a viable job was a generation ago, and since then their freely-elected parliament has squandered two decades' worth of regeneration funds on pointless pet projects for civil servants rather than the wider economy.

I mean, if the people I voted for set up a plan that basically said "we'll base our entire economy on getting handouts from people we've never met rather than doing any work", I'd be pretty cheesed off too.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:54, Reply)
I like the part where they voted to stop getting any more handouts.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:09, Reply)
yeah
people have moaned about benefit scroungers for yonks; now they've voted to actually do something about it. Good for them.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:12, Reply)
Turkeys voting to end grain handouts and hasten Christmas is certainly "doing something".

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:20, Reply)
They've had 12 years to learn Polish and move to the coal mines of Carpathia m8
free movement of people, after all
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:27, Reply)
I've just googled "mining vacancies in Carpathia"
and all the results on the first page were for mining jobs in the UK. Either this is a conspiracy, or the UK's mining industry is in rude health.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:31, Reply)
I concur
My understanding of the situation is that the incoming administration will be more capitalist and less likely to subsidise communities. Urban areas will probably be more insulated from any financial shocks, London for sure. Still, what do I know - I thought we'd vote to stay in.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:33, Reply)
I'm looking forward to the Brexit precipitating another global economic shock, leading to a shrinking of Poland's economy,
and the Poles turning on UK migrants as a convenient scapegoat.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:40, Reply)
I'm looking forward to Poland realising it can't scrounge off everyone else in perpetuity
It's the biggest recipient of development funds by a country mile, it imports loads of cash from the UK as workers send their wages home, and it's even offshored a fat chunk of its child benefit payments. Brexit is very much going to be a "sort your shit out and stop sleeping on my sofa" moment over here.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:43, Reply)
But
Pirogi
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:50, Reply)
^ just wants to watch the world burn

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:51, Reply)
I just want the world to grow up m8
The EU is basically an institution that keeps handing out cash to their alcoholic gambling addicted brother because it's easier than sending him to rehab.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:54, Reply)
Careful what you wish for.
Things are going to get ugly. Then uglier.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:57, Reply)
Yes, because nations aren't greedy stupid fuckwits who can be trusted to not poison the sea whilst fishing it to exstinction and or keep the air fit to breathe.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:58, Reply)
Yeah, the EU's done a grand job in preventing that,
hasn't it
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:03, Reply)
It would be worse without it.
In fact, the people pushing brexit are enviro/climate sceptic.

We're probably going to end up as bad as Australia.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:06, Reply)
hey, Boris rides a bike to work, that must count for something

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:10, Reply)
Does it allow him to backpedal?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:33, Reply)
Is no EU going to offer any improvement in effectiveness?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:07, Reply)
^may contain mighthave beans

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:09, Reply)
Well, we've come full circle.
I declare this thread over.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:12, Reply)
I feel that we need to have some Hitler
to really end the thread.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:15, Reply)
^ typical fascist bullyboy

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:23, Reply)
Thanks. Now I feel better.

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:31, Reply)
Mae'r gath yn y popty
Felly peidiwch bod yn hwyr ar gyfer cinio heno afal sbaner casgen ceffyl
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 9:23, Reply)
The cat's in the oven
so don't be late and something about dinner, apple and a horse.

I must admit my Welsh is rather rusty, but are you sure you're fluent?
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:27, Reply)
The mrs is
I pick up a bit here and there. She might be taking the piss mind.
(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:29, Reply)
Hwyl a sbri (fun and games)!

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:34, Reply)
Tidy!

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 10:49, Reply)
BANG tidy!!

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:24, Reply)
Ha, there's a football pundit called PooGash. Hahahahaha

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:04, Reply)
Pougatch?

(, Tue 28 Jun 2016, 11:05, Reply)

Post a new message | View older messages | Popular | Search