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Well we are currently experiencing a bomb threat at work
Epic #BANTZ
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:53, Reply)
I'm experiencing a bob-omb threat at work

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:54, Reply)
sex bob-omb?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:56, Reply)
the very same
I'm wrestling with the ginger chick as we speak
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:00, Reply)

the ginger chick Tom Jones
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:04, Reply)
you'd stand more chance against young neil, i'd say

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:19, Reply)
quick
jump on it and throw it at someone
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:57, Reply)
Extraordinary scenes here

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:19, Reply)
You Won't Believe What Happened Next!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:28, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 7:50, Reply)
yeah yeah, i'm not falling for that

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 7:53, Reply)
trust me, friend meatsnake

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 7:58, Reply)
I just successfully added myself as a friend, this place is brilliant

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:00, Reply)
friends friends friends!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:03, Reply)
Friends, Friends, Friends
Long legs and burgundy lips
Friends,
Dancin' down on Sunset Strip
Friends,
Red lips, fingertips
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:08, Reply)
lovely stuff

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:33, Reply)
NTT
Alright. It's all go at work this morning.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:21, Reply)
you're NTTing wrong
in unrelated news, i just ate your house
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:30, Reply)
You ate my house?
Where shall I live?
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:40, Reply)
In my heart

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:42, Reply)
Deep in my heart
there's a house that can hold just about all of you
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:44, Reply)
click the pac man button
www.google.co.uk/maps
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:44, Reply)
It dumped me in Bangkok
Ok, gonna play this
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:45, Reply)
if you're on mobile it's limited to a few places but if you're on a computer you can eat ANYWHERE

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:48, Reply)
Cool
Good little time waster
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:49, Reply)
FFS why would you do that?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 7:55, Reply)
because morning has broken

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 7:58, Reply)
It really hasn't here it's fucking glum
And I have paint on my hands I haven't been able to get off that's put me in a bad place
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:08, Reply)
Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much paint in him?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:55, Reply)
he is a right rambunctious randy old twat...
your dad is
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:20, Reply)
3/10

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:27, Reply)
bit generous

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:30, Reply)
He's caught me in a good mood
This is how much of a good mood I've been in. Yesterday I told an irritable german to 'chill out' and he did! I might be a wizard or summat
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:41, Reply)
I would have given him more a 4 for staying power

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:34, Reply)
2/10

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:42, Reply)
i prefer a 6/2 shift

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:43, Reply)
1/10

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:44, Reply)
I didnt even realise this was a shift

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:49, Reply)
So help me, I will put you on ignore if you don't stop

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:52, Reply)
wow, you must be upset and sensitive

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:00, Reply)
I'm doing a quiz at work today
Do you know what the questions are? It'd be useful to know the answers before I go in
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:10, Reply)
i got a hot tip that all the questions are about the process of artificially inseminating camels
so do as much research as you can before it starts!
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:31, Reply)
Fantastic, cheers

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:39, Reply)
some useful advice from frog and david trousers here
5.9.83.79/talk/7796577
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:31, Reply)
I'll bear this in mind, thanks

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:39, Reply)
yeah dream on mate

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:13, Reply)
He's living in cloud cuckoo land, mate

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:14, Reply)
soz mate

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:31, Reply)
alright

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:14, Reply)
cheers

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:31, Reply)
height of comedy for today: take a serious news story and pretend it's an april fools' story

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:18, Reply)
haha april fools'
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-32130573
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:18, Reply)
you can fool me once BBC

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:31, Reply)
i was gonna post one but then i read the one about joni mitchell and now i'm just a bit sad

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:18, Reply)
is she a friend of yours then?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:20, Reply)
nah, but the picture of her with her skin condition and advanced age
time makes fools of us all
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:26, Reply)
time is an abstract concept

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:43, Reply)
thanks mmgt

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:51, Reply)
Not me
I'm actually getting younger as the years go by
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:27, Reply)
tell that to your face, m8t

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:31, Reply)
lol gud point

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:40, Reply)
how're you feeling, anyway? better?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:45, Reply)
I am actually
Still not breathing as well as I'd like, but I don't feel so crappy. You?
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:48, Reply)
yeah, i'm not coughing as much
although i did cough while typing that
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:00, Reply)
hahaha
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-32132377
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:01, Reply)
hahaha they couldn't get in through the door
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-32141704
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:53, Reply)
but april fool's day is tomorrow
haha no it's today. april fool!
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:33, Reply)
hahaha ^ this guy, eh?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:33, Reply)
:o) honk honk

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:44, Reply)
what a day to be alive, eh!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:32, Reply)
you knows it, tweeb!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:44, Reply)
IT IS, NOW!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:38, Reply)
it aint a morning thread until somebody says morning

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:45, Reply)
No diggedy, manolizzle.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:53, Reply)
BOTTOM

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:34, Reply)
I passed a pub today that's doing it's burgers in a hot cross bun, religious intolerance my arse
FoNOOOooooooooood
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:38, Reply)
Bet there's no bacon it in tho.
#creepingsharia
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:40, Reply)
here hips don't lie

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:53, Reply)
Hot crescent moon buns are coming...

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 21:58, Reply)
sugar, bread, meat and fruit, all your food groups represented

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:42, Reply)
no dairy

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:43, Reply)
prob put a 'cheese food slice' in there if you ask nicely

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:49, Reply)
my sweetest m
I'm cunted
always
b
xxx
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 21:16, Reply)
dearest b,
Snap, natch

m
x
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 21:27, Reply)
its

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 22:46, Reply)
tits

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 0:13, Reply)
tis

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 2:06, Reply)
when i was a student, a 'scream' pub near my flat did a burger with chocolate spread and marshmallows
i mean, what's the world coming to
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 0:15, Reply)
alright

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:06, Reply)
Evening GH

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:09, Reply)
Good Housekeeping?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:11, Reply)
Gister

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:13, Reply)
Growth Hormone?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:13, Reply)
GH
Abbreviation for the term "guaranteed head", which is in reference to actions taken by a man for a woman to guarantee that she will in return give the man oral pleasure
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:16, Reply)
Gay Homo

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:18, Reply)
Gizza Hug

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:19, Reply)
Gastroenteritis Horse
Because the smell, noise and quantity of his emissions are not dissimilar.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:22, Reply)
GORDON'S HALIVE

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:34, Reply)
NO REAL NAMES

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 22:51, Reply)

b3ta.com/board/10520863#post10520965
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 23:01, Reply)
oh man, I hope he sends me another message on Facebook
asking me not to say "Gordon" on another website he already had his account deleted on.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 23:12, Reply)
Girl Hands. He has a particularly effeminate handshake.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:18, Reply)
mr.h

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:12, Reply)
Yes FINE thanks for asking.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:21, Reply)
not sure it was a question

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:31, Reply)
Well I think you should decide
before posting it in the future.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:43, Reply)
pain?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:10, Reply)
No thanks I wouldn't want to ruin my dinner.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:42, Reply)
wow, things really have changed since the old days

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:49, Reply)
they made you mod, just saying lol Haha,

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:21, Reply)
oh, you!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:30, Reply)
I blame spring time frisky

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:34, Reply)
I've had just about enough of you and your snidey fucking remarks pal
Seriously, fucking do one.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:23, Reply)
Not really, fuck a horse

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:24, Reply)
*nod*

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:34, Reply)
all good, might get myself a new kettle, fancy gold

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:38, Reply)
I imagine this is what you're after
www.ebay.com/itm/VINTAGE-RARE-TIMEX-MINATURE-GOLD-TONE-KETTLE-TEA-POT-CLOCK-QUARTZ-/221713147191?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item339f222537
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:17, Reply)
still smaller than Roy and his boys one
www.watchpaper.com/2014/04/27/hublot-celebrates-roy-hodgsons-66/
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:00, Reply)
I'd like to know more,
I'm having serious problems sourcing a teasmade.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:43, Reply)
K poll here to see how everyone's voting. You only get one click so make it count!
b3ta.com/questions/bugs_and_feature_requests/post2490456
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:50, Reply)
Im still banned from there, but I bet it's the best thing you've ever posted, Oh hi slim pickings

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:58, Reply)
oh zing!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:05, Reply)
Extrapolated nationally
these seven clicks would make for an interesting parliament.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:36, Reply)
In fact
the Can't be Arsed to Vote faction would be entitled to 93 seats.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:40, Reply)
Not clicking to vote cos I'm a lazy stupid prick.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 19:58, Reply)
All you gaybour pricks just want my hard earned money.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 20:41, Reply)
Lawn competition cancelled.
Massive garden disaster due to windy weather. I need to lie down. Details later.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:41, Reply)
E-cigarettes contain the same stuff that chemtrails are made from and your all willingly sucking it down.
Sheep throat.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:48, Reply)
I really can't work out why I find you so crushingly dull.
Your posts aren't noticeably shitter than anyone else's, but every time you start a new thread it feels like part of my soul has shrivelled up and died.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:51, Reply)
I just watched The Equalizer
Denzel Washington doesn't make bad films.
I hope your lawn is ok.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:55, Reply)
It has been awfully windy, I wish these selfish patients would stop turning up so I can rush home and check on my greenhouse.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:58, Reply)
Had any light-hearted #bantz with flatulent patients today?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:01, Reply)
no time for that these days sadly.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:06, Reply)
just a barking spider

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 18:07, Reply)
Making some lifestyle changes
So I have just purchased today one of those new fangled E-Cigarette things, what have you been ripped off for today?

And has anyone tried / had any success with one of these?
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 14:39, Reply)
not sure that's the aspect of your lifestyle people object to, tbh

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:02, Reply)
there is only really my body that is objecting to the lifestyle choice to smoke
that and the fact I am a completely boring cunt.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:11, Reply)
how many bodies reject your other lifestyle choices?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:17, Reply)
my gilfriends
or any other womans body for that matter
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:47, Reply)
spanishfly fucks fish, confirmed

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:00, Reply)
why stop there
"spanishfly fucks kids" will be next...whatever next hey! Cor!
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:13, Reply)
Because he enjoys it. or is it just for the halibut?
THAT'S RIGHT, FISH PUNS
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:15, Reply)
you're on a roe-ll!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:24, Reply)
I'm tipping the 'scales' of quality here!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:30, Reply)
oh boy this has never been done on the internet before!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:25, Reply)
Well SOMEONE's 'angling' for a pun thread!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:29, Reply)
I'm not taking the bait

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:44, Reply)
He just wants you to cast aspersions

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:46, Reply)
Admit it, you're hooked

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:58, Reply)
Not bad, cod do batter....

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:00, Reply)
Total filth, you have no sole man

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:03, Reply)
We should dolphinitely scale back on the fish puns

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:03, Reply)
Success or not, the people who use those things look fucking ridiculous
hth
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:05, Reply)
I completely agree with you but I have to quit smoking and I have tried many times without success
hoping that this will make me look like a right prick and help me to quit
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:10, Reply)
Have you tried champix?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:15, Reply)
Nonsense.
If you don't look to closely, you can sort of make-believe that everyone has reverted to pipe smoking, which is way better than cigarettes.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:15, Reply)
I like to think it's a post apocalyptic world where everyone is a crack head

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:47, Reply)
I'm sure you'll have plenty of success, if the intention is to make yourself look like a massive queer. E-cigarettes are even gayer than menthols.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:06, Reply)
Ah well I can't smoke those as I am allergic to mint

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:09, Reply)
pretty sure that's not a real thing.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:15, Reply)
I have a severe allergy to salicylic acid which tends to feature quite highly in most things minty.
apart from Minty from Eastenders
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:48, Reply)
Isn't salicylic acid what's used in wart treatment stuff?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:25, Reply)
Anyone who uses an electronic cigarette or 'vaping device' is bent and a gaylord

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:12, Reply)
That's what I tell all my patients who ask about them.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:14, Reply)
Anyone who needs to ask a doctor about electronic cigarettes or 'vaping devices' is a 'fukwit'

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:16, Reply)
Yes, I usually chase them out of my surgery swinging a tendon hammer at their heads.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:18, Reply)
No you don't, that's bullshit. I expect you just sit there and nod behind your baldy head, glasses and moustache facade looking smug as you prescribe penicillin for everything all day

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:21, Reply)
you own two right?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:48, Reply)
Yep. I have a 'tru-vape' one, I may look like a knob but I've been using it for about two years and haven't had a real fag in that time
also this is mildly interesting gizmodo.com/5-facts-that-everyone-gets-wrong-about-vaping-1659938937
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:52, Reply)
cheers that was genuinly quite interesting.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:14, Reply)
the title on the page is '10 facts that everyone..."
then it clearly only has 5 facts, shoddy work right there
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:17, Reply)
also a fact by definition can't be wrong

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:20, Reply)
It doesn't in the link though and that's as far as my responsibility goes friend.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:21, Reply)
alright smeagle

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:23, Reply)
That is mildly interesting.
He certainly isn't offering impartial advice though, he's got his tongue so far up an e-cigarette's bum that it's wiggling out of the tip.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:36, Reply)
No, clearly, but the ingredients and medical studies points are fair enough as people do harp on about no one knowing what's in them and no studies being done

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:48, Reply)
Indeed
but a non-scientist citing scientific studies should always ring warning bells, particularly if they're selling something.

Evidence so far suggests that e-cigarettes are relatively safe, but a lot more research is needed, and only long-term studies will give a reliable indicator of the risk/benefit ratio.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:56, Reply)
There's pretty compelling anecdotal evidence to suggest that they make you look gay though.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:25, Reply)
and his comment about traditional NRT like patches and gum having a "truly negligible success rate"
is wilfully misleading. Many people don't manage to quit while using them, but many people do. And the ones that do generally stop using NRT as well, which seems to be in contrast to most of the anecdotal evidence about people switching to e-cigarettes and staying on them indefinitely.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:03, Reply)
Yes, because homosexuals don't see nicotine patches as a fashion accessory.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:28, Reply)
I know one woman who has switched from tobacco to e-cigarettes, and no longer smokes tobacco.
Not what I would generally recommend for a quit attempt, though, on account of it mimicking smoking behaviour a lot more than licensed nicotine replacement therapies.

Also, they're probably safer than smoking, but nobody will really know until we see if e-cigarette users start dropping dead in 20-30 years.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:30, Reply)
according to my sisters husband this is why no pharmacy will stock them.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:15, Reply)
Quite a lot of pharmacies do stock them.
There's been a tedious debate about the pros and cons of e-cigarettes going on in pharmacy circles for years. I'm pretty ambivalent towards them - like I say, they're probably safe (and almost certainly safer than smoking) but nobody can be completely sure of that until much further down the line.

Generally, my observation is that e-cigarette users aren't hugely motivated to quit, but want to switch to something safer. Which is fair enough, but it's not overcoming the addiction to nicotine, it's just feeding it in a different way.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:23, Reply)
you forgot to point out that spanishfly's sister's husband is an idiot

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:25, Reply)
My brain switched to work mode, I can't help being polite.
Besides, it didn't really need saying.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:40, Reply)
He's right you know
But he does work for a large supplier of pharmaceutical goods to pharmacies. If they do stock them I believe this to be a fairly recent thing
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:48, Reply)
It's not, I'm afraid.
Boots and Lloyds have been stocking them for years, most of the other large chains and quite a few independents do too. Unless that's a Scotland-only thing, but I'm pretty sure it's across the UK.

In your sister's husband's defence, there are lots of pharmacies that refuse to stock them. Maybe he just deals with those.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:51, Reply)
Doesn't matter now I have already text him calling him a lying cunt and he should divorce my sister immediately
and take the kid with him the total waste of skin
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:58, Reply)
I have a student that has never smoked in his life but now spends £100s and I mean £100s on new fancy e cigs

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:49, Reply)
Tried em, liked em, but the cig stytle ones tend to break or whatever, and I end up smoking them like a pipe because they're so heavy.
The big handheld jobbies look stupid but they fucking work. I wouldn't get an of those medical ones with the giant inflating balloon thing going on, they kind of commit you to smoking a fuckload and my cats would rip the bag to shreds.

Supposedly there are spliff ones available, but I don't believe they can boil water at 220c.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:35, Reply)
So you actually quit using them?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:15, Reply)
I just bought a 1960s brown leather Decca 7" record box on eBay

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:05, Reply)
it wasn't a ripoff though

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:08, Reply)
this is a bit rnuk isn't it

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:09, Reply)
i do have an urge to call you a hipster prick, so i guess so, yeah

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:15, Reply)
And I bet you're listening to The Lion Sleeps Tonight by Tight Fit on it

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:19, Reply)
how would that work then?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:21, Reply)
doesn't it come with a free turntable and speakers? :(

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:22, Reply)
I think you have unrealistic expectations of storage boxes

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:25, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 16:36, Reply)
Forget the cigarettes and just have an E, much more rewarding.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:26, Reply)
E-cigarettes could have been so much cooler :(
Almost as disappointing as Aldi's 'Disco Biscuits'
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:30, Reply)
^OMG LOL MASSIVE DRUGZ^

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 17:31, Reply)
So I had a chicken omelette for lunch
Perverse yes, but delicious. But I don't want to talk about food...I want to talk about easter. Are you doing anything interesting over the 4 day weekend? You can't say Yes, No or Hitler.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:30, Reply)
i will be painting Hitler on my unborn childs bedroom wall
the missus said she wanted some "wall art"
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:33, Reply)
I don't believe you

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:44, Reply)
this is your prerogative

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:07, Reply)
i reckon this is a lie

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:50, Reply)
it may well be

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:07, Reply)
i doubt the veracity of this statement

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:51, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7810657
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:08, Reply)
I think you're being economical with the truth here

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:58, Reply)
hmmm I might post a picture when its done

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:08, Reply)
chinny reck-on

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:03, Reply)
*belms*

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:08, Reply)
when he was about 12 my brother painted a 7 foot high grim reaper with a Nazi armband on his wall.
He was 'a bit of a tosser'
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:22, Reply)
now this i like

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 14:06, Reply)
Are you gonna paint him naked to demonstrate his uniballness?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:30, Reply)
^medical professional

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:37, Reply)
Paint him being spitroasted by Jesus and Mohammed
who are high-5ing over his back.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:18, Reply)
i'm afraid to participate in this thread in case you put me on ignore too :(
over the long weekend i'm going to pick up the last few bits of furniture i need and maybe a bike!
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:34, Reply)
A bike??
Do they make them in your size?
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:44, Reply)
god i hope so
i need a chain guard to stop my wookie fur getting caught too, right?
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:50, Reply)

You
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:51, Reply)
haha nice

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:54, Reply)
Nah, get one of these:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH0yyYHir10

All the benefits of economical and ecological travel, with the added bonus that you don't look like a massive bellend...ahem.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:52, Reply)
Flidz, more like

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:00, Reply)
That looks pretty stupid. It needs to fold when you stand up and make a noise that goes TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHU-TSCHE so you can pretend to be a transformer.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 14:29, Reply)
fucking hell

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 14:57, Reply)
And as if anyone would want to ignore you

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:46, Reply)
it's that frightful american chap below
he's really ruined today for me
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:50, Reply)
Well you know what you should do? Ignore him right back
Or step him for a week. That'd be well funny.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:55, Reply)
which bit did you make first?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:37, Reply)
Soz, trade secret

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:45, Reply)
Hi TH
I think the best day will be Friday where I plan on watching a lot of the television series 'Sons of Anarchy' while she is out.
After that we will be travelling to The North to see friends and family and to enjoy all the fun that Easter has to bring.
A morning drive back to London on Monday will hopefully leave enough of the day left to spend some quality time with the pet budgies.
As ever, you are most welcome to come along.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:40, Reply)
Heavens, that sounds busy

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:45, Reply)
It would have been busier but i have rescheduled my other plans to make room for watching television. Thanks for your concern.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:47, Reply)
My Mum's off sick at the moment and I've tried to convince her to binge watch some of these shows that people talk about
I know she won't, but I tried.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:50, Reply)
I wish her a speedy recovery even if she has decided to ignore the best activity when one is poorly.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:56, Reply)
Thank you
I know, I gave her a list of about 10 shows that she'd probably enjoy, but I know she won't do it. Stupid cunt.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:57, Reply)
My mum has only just mastered Freeview and texting. And she still puts 'Love Mum' on the end. I might have her put down.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:59, Reply)
My mother in law has decided she wants a smartphone
But has no idea what they're for or what they do. I foresee constant phonecalls over the next few months of "How do I do a text?"
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:01, Reply)
I'll be getting drunk and shouting at traffic bollards

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:42, Reply)
Any idea what you'll be shouting at them?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:45, Reply)
a load of bollards, no doubt!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:51, Reply)
Oh!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:56, Reply)
sexually aggressive slurs

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:59, Reply)
"knice knob"
and I really hope you pronounce both Ks.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:00, Reply)
It's less than they deserve

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:01, Reply)
picking on swans now
i1.getreading.co.uk/incoming/article4181695.ece/alternates/s615/C_67_article_6836_body_articleblock0_bodyimage.jpg
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:07, Reply)
that's outrageous

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:17, Reply)
might go to cheltenham, might not
probably play some football, have a few drinks, kick a tramp to death
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:52, Reply)
I disagree with your plans to kick a tramp to death
But by god, I'll defend to the death your right to do so.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:55, Reply)
it's unconstitutional to deny me my tramp kicking rights

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:13, Reply)
you're damn right it is

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:17, Reply)
I live in Cheltenham, we should meet up!
Oh bother, I'm going to Devon that weekend. Maybe next time.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:20, Reply)
On the agenda:
Thursday evening, V&A Alexander McQueen exhibition
Friday afternoon lunch at Hutong in the Shard
Saturday evening Sweeney Todd with Emma Thompson and Bryn Terfel
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:57, Reply)
^gay sex tourist

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:59, Reply)
Tourist?
Fuck off, I live here. The gay sex can wait until after Sweeney Todd, thank you very much.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:33, Reply)
i saw bryn terfel sing at football match once
the crowd took exception to him and were calling him a rugby cunt
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:11, Reply)
Bloody hell
What is it exactly that football fans are so angry about? They'll have a go at anyone, won't they.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:18, Reply)
it was at gary speed's memorial match
to be fair, bryn was singing a rugby song, bread of heaven or something
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:22, Reply)
Don't know who that is but I'm very sorry for your loss.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:37, Reply)
Get this right, over easter I'm *probably* going to
work on my car.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:59, Reply)
That's not like you

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:00, Reply)
I know, I ought to be making another Lego video
but I'm not sure I can be arsed.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:01, Reply)

or an
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 13:32, Reply)
it depends on the weather but I want to mow my lawn for the first time this year
to make things fun i'm going to weigh the cut grass and host a competition to see who can guess the weight to the nearest gram. that's going to happen right here, on b3ta.com/talk!
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 14:11, Reply)
how big is your garden?
in metric please
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 14:13, Reply)
that's a very good question, i'll have to do some research and get back to you.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 14:16, Reply)
a better question would have been 'how big is your lawn?'

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 14:21, Reply)
about 1/2 to 2/3 of the area of my garden.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 14:31, Reply)
an even better question would have been
'how much would the cut grass from your lawn weigh?'
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 15:00, Reply)
I luv you all... I mean it... from the bottom of my soul to the tip of my penis... as Peter O'Toole said. Fuk it's just April Fools. I luv England and want to share a pint with you all.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:40, Reply)
seems like this could have gone in the previous thread
you're not... attention seeking, are you?
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:45, Reply)
cool people on /calendar
www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/25635
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:45, Reply)
I kinda honestly wish /links and /talk were all the same tribe. I luv u all. Moar than u know.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:53, Reply)
oh fucking hell you're from /links?
suddenly it all makes sense
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:55, Reply)
Hi Friend

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:04, Reply)
careful meaty
there's a very real chance he'll put you on ignore
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:18, Reply)
Maybe I should use a preemptive strike in solidarity with Friend Tangles

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:19, Reply)
are you one of these 'pricks' I've been hearing so much about?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:57, Reply)
cool story, bro

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:00, Reply)
aaaaaahahahahaha cool bruv, you totally had me going

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:01, Reply)
Sheesh finally. I do luv you all. Really do wish I could share a pint. =D

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:06, Reply)
I dunno what you foreigners get up to but if you tried to share my pint you'd get a dry slap for being pwoper nawty

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:08, Reply)
fackin mappit innee

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:10, Reply)
I'd buy ya one. Not drink yers. I'd never drink out ouf the same glass as some hooligan.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:15, Reply)
That's very kind but I'm really not interested.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:16, Reply)
I still luv you. Even if you'd be foolish enuff to turn down a pint ... b4 yer fisticuffs.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:19, Reply)
God, just shut up for a minute

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:20, Reply)
I'm confused, you add me as a friend and then put me on ignore and now I don't know what to think

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:14, Reply)
thought you'd be used to it by now...

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:17, Reply)
you learn to put on a brave face and not show how it affects you, but I'd say you never really get used to the hurt

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:24, Reply)
yeah man, he put me on ignore too
i'm REALLY upset now
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:17, Reply)
you can take comfort in the new friends you have made recently
and the fact that your mod powers override this silly ignore system
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:25, Reply)
turns out I can still see everything he posts in my 'friends activity' anyway
the system works fine!
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:29, Reply)
phew!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:32, Reply)
Hi Friend, one of my other Friends is called Manolith and his profile reminds me of a myspace page.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:18, Reply)
i thought people would be nostalgic for the days when webpages actually hurt to read

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:30, Reply)
Friend The Doveston has done something clever with his, I want to know how to do that

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:32, Reply)
Still don't really see how this is our problem.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:18, Reply)
Sorry man, the position of Official /talk Coke-Addled Beaker has already been taken.
You'll have to fight Spanish Noncebat for it.

Or you could always nip over to /board and fight Froglift for the equivalent position there.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:35, Reply)
Hey... you know what? I'm Time Magazine some random Fuck You of the Year. So hi there /talk... the world's watching!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:44, Reply)
How is it that I've followed this board since 2008 and still feel no connection with you fukwits?
Ohhh good morniiing... fuck you too... ha ha haaa... blah blah blah... aren't we all pleased with our online selves...
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:42, Reply)
fukwits Oh hahaha

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:42, Reply)
At least yer all consistant. I can count on that.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:46, Reply)
I think it's because you have a deeply unlikable abrasive personality

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:45, Reply)
speak for yourself prick

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:45, Reply)
oh haha top banter mate, what rapier wit, no wonder everyone likes you so much too!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:47, Reply)
Wait, are spanishfly and DerKommisar in some sort of tryst?
Is this white-knighting we're witnessing here?
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:48, Reply)
I just wish we could all be friends here

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:49, Reply)
I'm going to add DerKomissar as a friend, that should help to build a bridge

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:51, Reply)
hs hasn't added me back, I feel a little hurt by this rejection

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:00, Reply)
Don't panic, he'll soon be gone but your best forum friends will still all be here for you

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:04, Reply)
I friended you back cock. I expect at the very least a reach-around in return.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:07, Reply)
i just added you, if that helps?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:30, Reply)
immensely

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:32, Reply)
i haven't added anyone in ages
i'm going to make some new friends right now!
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:34, Reply)
oh cool, an opportunity to make new friends

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:34, Reply)
hi new friend!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:36, Reply)
just added everyone in this thread
except spanishfly, because, y'know, the kid diddling
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:36, Reply)
even 2can?
i clicked add friend on him just so i could click no on the next page when it asks if you really want to be friends with them
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:43, Reply)
i didn't really click everyone, i got bored and did something else soz

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:47, Reply)
that's cool. i only added tangles, meatsnake and ss express

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:50, Reply)
I have three fans, I'm not friending anyone back though because I'm straight. Soz.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:59, Reply)
Changed my mind

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:04, Reply)
'Bout time someone took a fukin' flamethrower to this place.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:59, Reply)
Check the popular page if you're a fan of sick burns

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:01, Reply)
I don't know who the fuck he is.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:49, Reply)
What are you cyber bullying me then? You are mean spirited.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)
(a master troller of this board. shhhh.)

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:02, Reply)
hahahaha oh lord

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:05, Reply)
oh boy do we all look silly now

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:06, Reply)
this seems relevant
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/430/877/271.gif
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:33, Reply)
April Fools Day is tomorrow friend.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:06, Reply)
aren't white knights supposed to be on the side of good?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)
good point

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:51, Reply)
White hats. Black hats. Fuck it wat's the diff?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:26, Reply)
It seems that everyone really does love me being here.
I suppose its just my rapier wit
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)
Oh ok you've managed to regurgitate my post for some reason

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:51, Reply)
sorry I have been busy doing some work
have you been missing my rapier wit?
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:35, Reply)
"Rapist" wit.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:08, Reply)
clickin this

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:12, Reply)
That doesn't give you or anyone else carte de blanche for being a cunt.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:54, Reply)
Examples please.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:55, Reply)
But you're allowed to come here and call a bunch of strangers 'fukwits'?
Ah ok, yeah that makes sense
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:58, Reply)
press Alt + F4

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:45, Reply)
Why should you feel a connection?
The fact that you lament this speaks more of you than us
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:46, Reply)
knock knock

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:49, Reply)
who's there?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)
the pilot, Oh hahaha

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:51, Reply)
oh, savage
SAVAGE
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:51, Reply)
I'll get my coat :(

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:01, Reply)
it must be just you
I met my wife, all of my friends and several new members of my close family through this very board
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:49, Reply)
alright m8, how goes it?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)
hi scouse, lovely to see you, please send my regards to your loved ones

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:52, Reply)
I'm here mate, you can tell me yourself

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:54, Reply)
oh hi top forum chum, I hope this thread finds you well

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:55, Reply)
Well congrats for you and your cunt friends and cunt family and yer cunt kids in yer little cunty world in Cuntland just south of Cunthamptom to the west of Cuntenburg who was founded by the Baron Of Cuntboughrough in 1066.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:15, Reply)
haha I'm sorry but this is the funniest thing I've ever typed on the internets lol

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:16, Reply)
It sounds as if you would benefit from taking stock of your life.
Ask yourself: what do you really want from b3ta.com/talk? Because if you still feel unfulfilled by it after seven years, perhaps now would be a good time to make that break, move on and start afresh with the rest of your life, glad in your heart that you gave it a good old go and never regretting that it didn't quite work out as you hoped.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:56, Reply)
Oh now we're all talking the same language mate. Fuck you.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:58, Reply)
Dreadful cyber-bullying :(

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:02, Reply)
ive reported this to the mods

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:04, Reply)
I clicked "I like this" because I genuinely like this.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:05, Reply)
b3ta.com/talk is no place for internet trolls like him

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:06, Reply)
Thanks mongy, you're such a pillar of strength, you really are the backbone of this place.
This place would be dead on its arse if you stopped looking out for everyone.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:07, Reply)
Still like your stuff... luv it actually...

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:33, Reply)
Never heard of you

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:19, Reply)
Christ man just check my history and Yankee April Fools...

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:20, Reply)
I don't really see how this is our problem.
Have your tried fucking off to mumsnet?
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:30, Reply)
Don't take the bait, he's "trolling" us.
Seeing as how this place is comprised entirely of trolls, you've got to admire his ambition.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:33, Reply)
well I don't care as I have made two new friends off the back of this thread
and they said this place was dead on its arse
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:35, Reply)
sometimes we like to go and hang out on /calendar

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:32, Reply)
This is dumb for even your Talk/efforts
Show some respect to those who still have some time and love this place. If you don't like it then stop whining and feck off and leave us alone from your childish pranks.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:37, Reply)
i like to think that they meant they particularly love /calendar

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:44, Reply)
it's easily the best bit of the site

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:47, Reply)
well after /friends, obviously

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 11:49, Reply)
So many deleted messages...

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 12:48, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 7:57, Reply)
it's 8am and you're listening to monster munch and the morning bunch on b3ta FM
*wacky sound effect*
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:01, Reply)
wak wak OOPS

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:02, Reply)
ohhhhhhhh and that's the sound of the morning bunch lucky duck!
if you're our thirtieth caller you will win a 30 book voucher!
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:30, Reply)
I'm so getting that £30 book voucher

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:38, Reply)
we'll see about that

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:39, Reply)
With the time fast approaching 25 past the 9 of a Tuesday morning
Here's the latest sounds from Courtney Love's Hole
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:22, Reply)
i would guess a sort of haunted wailing

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)
I imagine it to sound like an old man having a gurgly coughing fit

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:48, Reply)

thirti +m
cal +deal
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:29, Reply)
you can swap book vouchers for meth?
is that what breaking bad is about?
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)
More or less
Sometimes he does ask people to be quiet
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:45, Reply)
I've cranked it up and I'm preparing to pull my knob off.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:06, Reply)
u no were i am if u need 2 chat xxxxx

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:29, Reply)
Didn't mean to reply there but never mind, it's the thought that counts

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:29, Reply)
u ok hun???? xxxxxxxx

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)
i was so excited and then so sad

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:55, Reply)
Some 0891 gay sex chat line?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:26, Reply)
I won the voucher! In your face everyone
In all of our faces!
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:31, Reply)
fix

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)
congratulations ss express!
is there anyone you'd like to say hello to while you're on the air?
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)
my podiatrist Colin, Damon Albarn and my mentor Jesus Christ Our Saviour

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:38, Reply)
Haha speaking of podiatrists
I asked someone for help when my car broke down once, and he said "sorry, I'm a podiatrist" so I said "Well then can I have a TOE?"

hahaha
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:47, Reply)
is ANY of that story true?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:48, Reply)
The bit about me laughing

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:48, Reply)
i've heard you laugh
it's more of a teeheehee
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:55, Reply)
I'll have you know that my laugh is adorable
I've been told that on 4 seperate occasions
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:56, Reply)
i keep telling you
you shouldn't believe anything said by a hostage you've taken. they'll say anything
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)
She said she loved me :(

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:01, Reply)
I took my missus out for dinner the other night, we played footsie under the table, I had the steak and she got toed in the hole, hahahaha

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:51, Reply)
hahaha wonderful

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:52, Reply)
we have a right laugh here, hahaha

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)
we sure do hahaha

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:54, Reply)
coming up at 9:45, prank calls with two hats and tangles
this week they phone a desperately depressed brb and try to convince him to commit suicide, haha
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)
the binman cometh

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:37, Reply)
An old mate of mine once phoned a random number and got an answer machine
He sang the whole of 'God Told Noah to build him an Ark' onto it. It seemed desperately funny at the time. Ah, the early to mid 90's. It was a different time.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:46, Reply)
thing is, answer machines *were* funny in the 90s

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)
Ah. so it was the machine, not my friend
Well that changes everything.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:51, Reply)
what if your friend WAS the machine?!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:58, Reply)
I'm not sure how that would work
In any case, he turned out to be a prick. You live and learn.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)
when we discovered you could hide your caller id by dialling 141 (or something), we would go through the phonebook and call people with funny names
we found this guy called r.titz

"hello"
"hi there, is that r.titz?"
"yes, it is"
"can we have them back please ahahahhahhahhahaha"
*line disconnected*
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:05, Reply)
Halcyon days

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:13, Reply)
we also found a guy whose surname is zatman
we phoned him up and did the whole batman thing to him, nananananananana zatman etc.

haha, we are so funny
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:15, Reply)
haha I'm always dialling the wrong number and scaring the shit out of people when I tell them it's the doctor.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:31, Reply)
Alright monster munch
Nearly fucking bank holiday innit lad.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:04, Reply)
I'm not working more than 2 days per week for the next 3.
Praise be to Jesus.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:12, Reply)
Nice one I finish on Thursday not back in until the 13th

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:33, Reply)
m m m

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:22, Reply)
hey, how's it going?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:37, Reply)
morning tout le monde

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 8:38, Reply)
toot toot!

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:09, Reply)
TOUT le monde?
Well that's rude
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:23, Reply)
I'm a passionate person and I make no apologies for my passionate language

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:24, Reply)
Well it is the language of love
Ok, I guess I can let that go
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:26, Reply)
and what, pray tell, is wrong with our norman tongue?

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:49, Reply)
bit saucy m8

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)
dégoûtant

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)
:O
Hey Tangled, have you found any new veggie recipes lately? I'm exhausting my repertoire up in here
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:54, Reply)
I'm hearing a lot on the veggie grapevine about exciting new things happening in the world of lentils

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 9:58, Reply)
I've explored pulses before, and had the occasional puy
But maybe I should look more into lentils. Ok, good call.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)
i have heard that your preferences are just 'anything with a pulse'

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:25, Reply)
Anything that casts a shadow really

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:26, Reply)
disgusting

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:33, Reply)
Oh man, I just broke another shirt :(
Stupid muscly arms.
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:36, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 10:45, Reply)
here's the hilarious board entry i can't be arsed putting together inspired by tonights newsnight
it's like a giffy storyboard in link form:

frame one

frame two

frame three

frame four

frame five

frame six

frame seven

frame eight

nightnight x
(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 1:44, Reply)
So spanishfly's been sent down for orchestrating a dog noncing
who's the next person to leave /talk and how will they go?

alt: What's for tea?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 20:59, Reply)
brb is killing himself, live, on here, at 11pm

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 21:04, Reply)
RIP, alway's in are bins.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 21:17, Reply)
I hope he disposes of his body in the correct one otherwise the council will leave a note

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 21:20, Reply)
will there be a webcast?

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 21:41, Reply)
I bet happytoast is the first to make a picture out of it

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 22:04, Reply)
I hope there's a nice tasfeful tribute image of brb's body in a bin, being wheeled around by a fucklift.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 22:41, Reply)
it'll be on the front page before you can scream "PLEASE KILL ME NOW"

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 23:45, Reply)
about fucking time

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 23:17, Reply)
Sorry guys, running a bit late tonight.

(, Tue 31 Mar 2015, 0:13, Reply)
Haha...what?

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 21:40, Reply)
wooooo - spooky :/

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 22:10, Reply)
Haha, classic Shallows!

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 22:40, Reply)
A tenner says this guy has a b3ta login.
metro.co.uk/2015/03/30/vicars-son-persuaded-girl-15-to-have-sex-with-her-dog-5127544/
(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 19:56, Reply)
<s>a login</s> mod status

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 19:59, Reply)
Good point.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 20:12, Reply)
Yet the dog walks free.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 20:05, Reply)
JMG.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 20:09, Reply)
*Finger guns*

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 20:51, Reply)

+s
g p
n g
(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 21:05, Reply)
Sorry, just getting into the spirit of things.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 21:05, Reply)
Wow, Rob's put on a few pounds this winter hasn't he?

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 20:15, Reply)
He has the facial expression of a man caught red handed.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 20:52, Reply)
Disappointed that's not a guide 3/10

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 20:57, Reply)
Alright UTOL, long time no see.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 21:06, Reply)
Breaking News: Harrison Ford has been released from hospital
So what are you looking forward to most, Bladerunner 2 or Star Wars 27?
(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 18:10, Reply)
the next alien film that doesn't have aliens in it

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 18:12, Reply)
the next thread

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 18:20, Reply)
hope triumphing over experience, there

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 18:23, Reply)
Im an optimistic kind of person

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 18:44, Reply)
I've got a good title for the next thread...
"LIVE LEADERS MASS DEBATE"
(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 19:20, Reply)
Oh hahaha

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 19:30, Reply)
if the leaders want to engage with 'the masses', they should sign up here and have a lively discussion
probably get the opinions of at least 30 people
(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 19:54, Reply)
His next hilarious accident.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 18:34, Reply)
#whatliesbeneath2

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 19:14, Reply)
SPOILER ALERT!!!
Calista Flockheart
(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 19:22, Reply)
cake is shit and for fat cunts and blobbing birds and gays.

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:35, Reply)
What's your question

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:36, Reply)
have you got any cake I could have?

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:41, Reply)
Nyommy wommy cayke

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:49, Reply)
All this election shit is giving me a headache

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:39, Reply)
All that scratching is making me itch
HUBBUBBUBUB waaah
(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:41, Reply)
needs more talcum powder

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:45, Reply)
FYAH PON DE WESTMINSTER MAN DEM

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:49, Reply)
Jon Snow ya DUN know

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:50, Reply)
You just made my headache worse
THANKS!
(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:53, Reply)
^diversion tactic by a fat blobbing gay cunt bird^

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:49, Reply)
let them eat cake, hahaha

(, Mon 30 Mar 2015, 17:56, Reply)

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