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So, that's Christmas present chat sorted nice and early, well done team.
How is your day going?
I've had a few phone calls from well wishers and a suspiciously flirty email from Rachael in accounts offering to come over and help if I'm alone.

What is your opinion on the current state of British music?
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 13:54, Reply)
not bad, not bad
got to go for a jab at 3.30, then basically just kill time until i can get pissed
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:01, Reply)
What jab you getting?

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:07, Reply)
B12
i get one every 3 months
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:20, Reply)
I'm a proper fucking wuss with needles.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:21, Reply)
they don't bother me
this one stings a bit because it's intramuscular, but that's about it. i always feel run down for a week or so before it's due, so hopefully i'll be back to my malicious best tomorrow
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:23, Reply)
I don't know but I've just chosen a gas repair company based on the profile pic of the engineer
These "bid for my business" sites really ought to advise their members that potential clients are really superficial and some will go for the best looking gas engineer.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:01, Reply)
does he have a handlebar moustache?

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:06, Reply)
*gets sharpie and draws on screen*
does now
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:15, Reply)
BOW-CHICA-WOW-WOW!

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:21, Reply)
Does he have a big tool in his box?

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:08, Reply)
I can message him and ask
hell, I'll just message him and say "send nudes"
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:16, Reply)
Wasn't there a plotline almost exactly along these lines on This Life?
Bloke gets tradesman round to fix the boiler, tradesman and bloke hit it off and become a couple, sort of. I didn't really watch 'This Life' with any degree of assiduity.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:13, Reply)
Yes but that was sheer good luck
I'm actually able to select my tradesman of choice from a picture. I've not even bothered looking at the certificates, or even price.

This is shameful superficiality.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:17, Reply)
Hell, I routinely queue at whichever checkout has the fittest checkout person.
For a while there was a guy at the checkouts of one of my local supermarkets who looked exactly like M. Pokora, tattoos and all.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:22, Reply)
"So, Mr Dead, why has your house blown up?"
"well, Mr Aviva, the gas repair man was really cute!"
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:42, Reply)
OK, now I have "Eddie! It's the GAS MAN!" in my head.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:53, Reply)
and a roll of gaffer tape in your arse pocket?

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 15:17, Reply)
I never leave home without it.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 15:24, Reply)
I don't know anything about the current state of British music
and I'm currently listening to an "Assorted Vaporwave Mix" on YouTube. Music from the 80s, made within the past five years.

If Rachael uses Fairy Liquid, the softness of her hands could prove invaluable over the coming weeks.

My day's going alright, ta. If I could somehow stop time for a couple of hours so I could catch up on lost sleep from last night, that'd be champion, but other than that I really can't complain.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:03, Reply)
Have you checked out Com Truise?
I think his album Silicon Tare would be up your alley.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:08, Reply)
I have not.
But I am doing so right now. Thanks for the tip.

Edit: it's some good shee-yit, cheers.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:14, Reply)
Mike Paradinas 4 lyfe

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:04, Reply)
Who?

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:09, Reply)
Rachael in accounts is pure filth
unless it's a different Rachael in accounts but I don't see how that could happen
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:05, Reply)
i think all Rachaels are the same

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:07, Reply)
Got to be the same one.
Looks a bit like a divorcee middle school teacher
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:09, Reply)
That's her
filth
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:21, Reply)
That one out of Green Wing who kept showing her tits, eh

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:11, Reply)
Eh lads

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:12, Reply)
eh!

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:13, Reply)
Eh?

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:14, Reply)
EH!

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:16, Reply)
alright

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:07, Reply)
Not really, my back is proper killing me.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:09, Reply)
I imagine it is

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:12, Reply)
Are they sure you haven't broken something?

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:13, Reply)
Yeah, full CT of neck and spine.
I landed on my shoulder I reckon, got a nice big bruise
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:16, Reply)
Yeah, WIND

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:25, Reply)
I fucked the chandelier right up.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:27, Reply)
You and your missus are a right pair eh

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:36, Reply)
Yeah, never a dull moment

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:40, Reply)
it'll shake you up good and proper
you'll probably be stiff as a board tomorrow, so make sure you've got plenty of beers within arm's reach of the couch
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:32, Reply)
lol stiffy

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:40, Reply)
I've been asked to account for my whereabouts on the third Monday in October.
Apparently, I was AWOL from the office.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:10, Reply)
the NHS sounds proper shit to work for
no offence
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:13, Reply)
Right now, it really is.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:18, Reply)
Tell them you were seeing the knob doctor
that'll stop any further questions
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:13, Reply)
He told me he was the knob doctor

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:16, Reply)
oh

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:17, Reply)
Current policy is to ask what ails you when you phone in sick.
I got a case of the giggles when telling my boss that I had a "swelling in the gentleman's area."
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:17, Reply)
Does anyone know the way?
There's GOT to be a way
TO KNOB DOC-TORRRRRR
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:20, Reply)
Just one kiss from his lips
Is like taking Vitamin C
Oh you can't imagine what
A knob doctor does to me
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:24, Reply)
I told her that I was a flop with chicks
I've been this way since 1956
She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign
She said "What you need is knob doctor number nine"
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:29, Reply)
I don't need knob doctor
'Cause I know what's ailing me
I don't need knob doctor
'Cause I know what's ailing me
I've been too long away from my baby, yeah
I'm coming down with a misery
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:34, Reply)
Hey knob doctor could you give me somethin
To ease the pain, to ease the pain
Cause if you don't help me soon
Gonna lose my brain, gonna go insane
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:36, Reply)
We were at a party, his ear fell in the deep.
Someone reached it and grabbed it, it was a knob doctor.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:52, Reply)
If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says
"15 miles to the KNOBBBB DOC"
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 15:18, Reply)
Rock rock to the knob doc, don't stop
Rock rock to the knob doc, don't stop
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 15:32, Reply)
THE KNOBBA DOC (waah), THE KNOBBA DOC, THE KNO- THE KNO- THE KNO- THE KNO- THE KNOBBA DOC
all that scratching is making me itch
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 15:51, Reply)
When you get to the bottom
You go back to the top of the slide
And you stop and you turn
And you go for a ride
Then you get to the bottom
Then you see me again
Do you, don't you want me to love you
Coming down fast I'm right here above you
Tell me tell me tell me the answer
Ain't no lover but you ain't knob doctor
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 16:19, Reply)
lol
Sweet
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:36, Reply)
heh

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:39, Reply)
My brother was called in to a meeting once when he was temping at an office,
They said he'd signed in in the morning, but was absent from his desk the whole day. He was at work, he just had diorreah and every time the boss came past he must have been in the shitter.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:15, Reply)
explosive diarrhoea

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:33, Reply)
tell them you slipped on some moustache wax and accidentally rammed your electric toothbrush up your guffpipe

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:35, Reply)
Fuck off, I've never owned an electric toothbrush.
I have functioning wrists.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:43, Reply)

functioning limp
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:49, Reply)
Oh, Richard! You are the living end.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 15:11, Reply)
Not bad thanks, boiler is apparently fixed which is great news
I should imagine the current state of British music is well fucking shit, although as I understand is the superb Hijack made a record this year, which I need to check out. But it won't be as good as Style Wars or Doomsday of Rap, I'm sure we can all agree on that.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:24, Reply)
Coo I'll have to look into that

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:27, Reply)
did I tell you I met DJ Devastate from Demon Boyz last Friday
I was wearing a Demon Boyz t shirt and he came up and asked for a photo with me. I was a bit taken aback and failed to get one of my own on my phone.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:30, Reply)
sweet

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:40, Reply)
Oh, that goes without saying

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:27, Reply)
even pricks like Yeti and Monster Munch couldn't deny it

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:32, Reply)
Just going to turn the stereo in my yurt up a bit so I can't hear you.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:40, Reply)
yeah you just get on down to 'Kicole Nidman' or whatever bent shit Windy suggested

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:41, Reply)
Oh, I'll deny it, alright.
Just don't expect me to back up my assertions.
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:46, Reply)
Way to hijack the conversation towards a discussion of your own niche musical interests again, Richard.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:29, Reply)
Nice segue, huh

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:31, Reply)
Boyce so gay, more like.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:42, Reply)
i feel rather inadequate with such music talk
limited as my tastes are to 80's rock and metal bands
(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:40, Reply)
well there's a 'knob doctor' lyrics pun subthread up there which might work better for you

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 14:42, Reply)
i'm not an experienced knob doctor, but i'll have a good look at it for you

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 15:00, Reply)
De Staat's less succezzzzzzzz.

(, Tue 14 Nov 2017, 15:02, Reply)