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» Strange things you've been paid to do

I did a job a few years ago
at some swanky Gentleman's club in Mayfair. The place had been hired out for the day by some underwear manufacturer and I was sent there to build a catwalk, dress the walls and generally make the place look pretty. This took us about 4 hours in total. For the rest of the day I had to hang around to make sure the client was happy while 8 gorgeous models where photographed walking up and down the catwalk displaying the latest range in sexy underwear.

Oh yeah and after 7pm it was free booze and I was on a tenner an hour ;)
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 15:55, More)

» Shit Stories

A Terrible Story
During my heady student days, I had the pleasure of stacking shelves on the late shift for a large supermarket chain.

Various members of the dairy produce aisle team, with whom I worked, would often help themselves to chocolate bars or bags of crisps. The thief would hide the stolen items in an empty box and each member of the team would help themselves to their share of the loot.

One evening I handed one of my colleagues 2 chunks of ex-lax(laxative chocolate), and walked away. He eat both of them. At the end of the shift I handed him the remaining 10 chunks and joked "Here is the rest of the chocolate bar" and walked away.

At this point it should be noted that each chunk has the word ex-lax written on it and as someone had been tricked the week before, I thought he would have got the joke, realised what happened and called me a cunt.

However... he ate the rest of the bar. All 12 chunks in fact! After checking the recommended dosage and discovering that 1 chunk a day should suffice, I decided to come clean and explain what had just happened. He was not exactly happy for obvious reasons and so we decided the best solution was for him to throw up, we tried the fingers down the throat which didn't work, and a few other things, before coming up with the idea of taking him back to our house where we could get him really stoned with bong hits. He had never smoked dope before so thought it wouldn't take much to get him vomiting. Hit after hit he took, until finally he did throw up, unfortunately we were too late, he begun chundering at exactly the same time as the laxative kicked in.

So now, I have one of my work colleagues stoned for the first time ever, puking up in to the washbasin, while sat on the toilet shitting as if it's going out of fashion and I am unable to do anything to help this poor victim of some stupid prank that had now gone horribly wrong.

The outcome was that he spent the next 4 days on and off the toilet and he never spoke to me again.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 13:49, More)