Profile for Black Moon:
Hello. Well I am honoured that you feel the need to look in my profile. I don't have any pictures of me in here any more
because I have a funny shaped head.
I live in Leicester, which is about as far away from anything else in England as you can possibly get.
You can tell a lot about a person by what they have on their iPod. Perhaps you would like to see what's on mine? Have
a look here then.
You can add me to your MSN buddy list with [email protected] (Don't send email here, it all goes in the byte
recycler.)
I am a creative person, always have to be making something, or making something that makes something. I dabble in
ambient music. Here's a couple of free downloads.
Analogue Daydreams One of my better
ones.
Jarre-esque It's supposed to sound
like the great Jean-Michel Jarre.
Stuck Inside Monday Boards of
Canada?
A couple of years ago I went to the Derby bash organised by the lovely Jessie. I have made a page containing the
photos I taken on the night. If you want to see it, click
here.
Click here to visit My website.
Click here to visit My General YouTube page.
Click here to visit My Music-oriented YouTube
page.
So far, my work has appeared 25 times in the b3ta newsletter. Here they are:
DOGS CAN FUCK OFF
Dogs are shit, it's a well know fact. Even the RSPCA think they are whiney, stuck up cunts that deserve to be killed.
Here is the proof, in dogumentary form. Eat that, Lassie and Shnorbitz.
http://www.markta.co.uk/flash/dogs.swf
EXPRESSIONLESS GIRL
"Last week we linked to a series of photos of a young lady whose expression never changed. Many of you were
disappointed as the site went down shortly afterwards. Thanks to B3ta reader markta who grabbed the pics and stuck
them into a video loop which really makes the point
about how bloody odd these images really are"
http://snipurl.com/expressionlessgirl
If you want to see the original thread when I posted the gif on the message board, you can click here.
CRAP DJ SKILLZ
"Bad is the new good, that's what we're hearing. Black Moon has been trawling the DJ booths of the nation and was
lucky enough to catch footage this fellow - the toast of UK clubland.
http://www.markta.co.uk/wankr/vid/dj_wankr.mpg
I posted this on the board too. It got an odd
reception from most people.
Here it is on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikMC2UVpj3A
TEH TOMORROW PEOPLE AND PROFESSOR PORNO
**At last, it makes it to the newsletter! One year and three months after I sent Rob a link.**
"The Tomorrow People was a classic 70s TV show about telepathic teenagers, but Blackmoon got hold of some
episodes recently and "All my childhood memories were shattered in an instant. It's not the brilliantly ground-breaking,
stunning and enthralling program I used to enjoy, It's embarrassingly awful." So as a tribute he redubbed it with a new
plot about hardcore porn. Nice. This is a 30MB download, but well worth it."
http://www.markta.co.uk/ttp
This is on YouTube too (Cut down by about 4 minutes)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTsrumKCemg
BAD PIANO PLAYER
Props to Black Moon for this short and amusing gag. Dunno what else to write so here's three facts about pianos pulled
from our arse: 1. Cats love walking on them, especially when they're hungry, 2. ALL blind people are brilliant at tuning
them, and 3. Oh gawd, there is no three. How about a joke pulled from Sickipedia instead? A horse walks into a bar and
the barman asks 'Why the long face?' To which the horse replies, 'I have AIDS'. Yes, it's THAT type of newsletter this
week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98V8w0w4WtY
Yes, That's the link Rob and the gang at b3ta HQ put in the newsletter, but is should have been this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo5YmK4zlN0
DOCTOR WHO NASTIES
Thanks to Black Moon who's glued together some clips of Doctor Who, with David Tennant starring in another drama to
create something that would make Russell T Davies spluff.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doctor_Rude
VADER HAS SOME FREE TIME
The Dark Lord of the Sith kills some time in his little techno-pod. Circa 1982. Black Moon wins 50 points for extended
amusing geekery.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Vader_has_some_free_time
MENTOS AND COCA-COLA EXPERIMENT
"Quite dangerous, isn't it?" asks Black Moon, as he posts this documentary proof.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mentos_and_Coca_Cola_experiment
I USED DIET COKE THIS TIME
"Black Moon, whose excellent Coke & Mentos vid we featured last week, writes, "I had too many comments about the
last one being normal Coke and not Diet, so I felt compelled to do another variation on the theme." Oh Black Moon,
Black Moon, pandering to internet pedantry is truly the way to insanity.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_used_Diet_Coke_with_Mentos_this_time
WHAT'S IN SPOCK'S SCANNER? - PART 1
If you've ever wondered what Spock looks at when he stares into that tiny screen on the Enterprise bridge, wonder no
more! "This is part one in a series," predicts Black Moon, "(if this one does well)."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner
WHAT'S IN SPOCK'S SCANNER? - PART 2
"I said you guys would be the first to know when part two was ready," rasps Black Moon. "I've literally just uploaded it
to YT." An ambitious, sprawling sequel, this is a literal bonanza for the Trekkies. Okay, not a literal bonanza, that would
be a western.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner_Part_2
HOW TO AVOID GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN
"Parked your car on the tracks by mistake and you haven't got time to move it?" asks Black Moon. Here's how you
resolve the situation.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_avoid_getting_hit_by_a_train
THROUGH THE VIEWFINDER
"If you don't like the scenery... change it," explains Black Moon.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Through_the_viewfinder
SIGNS 2
"Road signs come to life, in this charming little film from Black Moon. "It took much longer than I expected it to," he
says. "But when you've started..."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Signs_2
TYLER'S POWER KICK
"Like every proud dad says, 'He'll be playing for England when he's a big boy!'" coos Black Moon, with another pithy little special
effects clip.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Tylers_power_kick
INFINITYLER
"This is my little boy," explains Black Moon. "Playing football in the garden playing football in the garden playing foot..." Like
Cyriak, except his head doesn't split open and a thousand goats pour out.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/InfiniTyler
BLACK MOON'S CHRISTMAS 2011
"This is how my Christmas went," writes Black Moon. Remind us to avoid him around his birthday.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Black_Moons_Christmas_2011
HOW TO REMOVE ADS VFROM VIDEOS
"I could teach you, but I'd have to charge," chants Black Moon, gleefully. More mind-melting SFX trickery.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_remove_ads_from_videos
WHAT'S IN SPOCK'S SCANNER PART III
"The third and final part of my Star Trek editing endeavours," explains Black Moon, who clearly doesn't believe in describing things as a
trilogy. A sublime 10 minutes of dialogue-free gags from the Original Series.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner_Part_3
ALIEN THE TEXT ADVENTURE GAME
"Ripley passes some off-duty time with Mother," informs Black Moon. Retro sci-fi keyboard fans rejoice.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Alien_frustration_II
CAT vs LAWNMOWER
"A close shave for stunt cat," sweats Black Moon. Don't worry, readers - eleven cats were harmed in the making of this video.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cat_v_Lawnmower
THE FLATULENCE SYNDROME
Star Trek fartfoolery from Black Moon. You love it. Heaven help us, you absolutely love this stuff. (We like it too.)
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Flatulence_Syndrome
PLANE SPOTTING WITH BLACK MOON
Internet titan Black Moon can easily identify any sort of plane - observe.
http://b3ta.com/links/Plane_spotting_with_Black_Moon
PROMETHEUS COCA COLA PRODUCT PLACEMENT
"I got the rough idea from another user on YouTube," confesses Black Moon. "But I thought I could do a better job of it." Ah, the great, transformative taste of Coca Cola. Pepsi only rots your teeth, gums, stomach-lining and will to live.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Prometheus_Coca_Cola_advert
Below is a list of "b3ta boarders" who I like / Admire / Fancy / Would like to have bumsex with / want to hug
These are not in any particular order, I love them all dearly.
Jessie : 5000. Need I say more?
Yes, I will, Her English is impeccable too. RIP Nina, love always.
Prodigy : Awesome shopping
skills, some great animal "modifications".
Comma : For her colourful
additions to the English language.
Strawberry Dragon : Lovely
artwork, Wish I could draw like that.
Sunshine Elephant : Lovely
artwork again, I still wish I could draw like that.
Rev. Jesse Custer : The sheer
"GAH!" value of the zombies. Lovely shopping skills.
Mystery Bob : Some of the best,
and funniest animations ever. Also, he's very helpful with website stuff.
Felix : Very helpful on the night of
the crane fly. Nice animations too.
The Neville : Two words; Diverse
originality. The Ikea instructions were great.
Syncubus : A good lad, always
fluffy. Oh, he has nice feet too (aparrently). Arse rent cricket.
Zoot : I won't say anything bad
about him, he's got 42 guns.
M3 Essential : Great shopping
and animations.
Eclectech : Wonderful Shopping,
Animamtions, Flash, ohh, everything!
Reckless Rik : Great shoppping
with some bizarre ideas.
Chicago Dave : His b3ta
screensaver got me here in the first place. Do I thank him or blame him?
Leningrad : The "rhyming
animations" were very original.
Stick Figure Ninja : He's nuts!
But in a good way.
Derek Acorah's Spirit Guide Sam : This lady's work oozes cuteness from
every direction.
mutated monty : Teh master of animation, say no more.
workboresme : Norks.
Flowerpot : Because she's lovely.
I will be adding to this list as I think of people.*
*Probably. If I can be arsed.
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 20 years, 9 months and 24 days
- has posted 12600 messages on the main board
- (of which 21 have appeared on the front page)
- has posted 1088 messages on the talk board
- has posted 1603 messages on the links board
- (including 167 links)
- has posted 25 stories and 17 replies on question of the week
- They liked 74 pictures, 93 links, 8 talk posts, and 21 qotw answers. [RSS feed]
- Ignore this user
- Add this user as a friend
- send me a message
Hello. Well I am honoured that you feel the need to look in my profile. I don't have any pictures of me in here any more
because I have a funny shaped head.
I live in Leicester, which is about as far away from anything else in England as you can possibly get.
You can tell a lot about a person by what they have on their iPod. Perhaps you would like to see what's on mine? Have
a look here then.
You can add me to your MSN buddy list with [email protected] (Don't send email here, it all goes in the byte
recycler.)
I am a creative person, always have to be making something, or making something that makes something. I dabble in
ambient music. Here's a couple of free downloads.
Analogue Daydreams One of my better
ones.
Jarre-esque It's supposed to sound
like the great Jean-Michel Jarre.
Stuck Inside Monday Boards of
Canada?
A couple of years ago I went to the Derby bash organised by the lovely Jessie. I have made a page containing the
photos I taken on the night. If you want to see it, click
here.
Click here to visit My website.
Click here to visit My General YouTube page.
Click here to visit My Music-oriented YouTube
page.
So far, my work has appeared 25 times in the b3ta newsletter. Here they are:
DOGS CAN FUCK OFF
Dogs are shit, it's a well know fact. Even the RSPCA think they are whiney, stuck up cunts that deserve to be killed.
Here is the proof, in dogumentary form. Eat that, Lassie and Shnorbitz.
http://www.markta.co.uk/flash/dogs.swf
EXPRESSIONLESS GIRL
"Last week we linked to a series of photos of a young lady whose expression never changed. Many of you were
disappointed as the site went down shortly afterwards. Thanks to B3ta reader markta who grabbed the pics and stuck
them into a video loop which really makes the point
about how bloody odd these images really are"
http://snipurl.com/expressionlessgirl
If you want to see the original thread when I posted the gif on the message board, you can click here.
CRAP DJ SKILLZ
"Bad is the new good, that's what we're hearing. Black Moon has been trawling the DJ booths of the nation and was
lucky enough to catch footage this fellow - the toast of UK clubland.
http://www.markta.co.uk/wankr/vid/dj_wankr.mpg
I posted this on the board too. It got an odd
reception from most people.
Here it is on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikMC2UVpj3A
TEH TOMORROW PEOPLE AND PROFESSOR PORNO
**At last, it makes it to the newsletter! One year and three months after I sent Rob a link.**
"The Tomorrow People was a classic 70s TV show about telepathic teenagers, but Blackmoon got hold of some
episodes recently and "All my childhood memories were shattered in an instant. It's not the brilliantly ground-breaking,
stunning and enthralling program I used to enjoy, It's embarrassingly awful." So as a tribute he redubbed it with a new
plot about hardcore porn. Nice. This is a 30MB download, but well worth it."
http://www.markta.co.uk/ttp
This is on YouTube too (Cut down by about 4 minutes)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTsrumKCemg
BAD PIANO PLAYER
Props to Black Moon for this short and amusing gag. Dunno what else to write so here's three facts about pianos pulled
from our arse: 1. Cats love walking on them, especially when they're hungry, 2. ALL blind people are brilliant at tuning
them, and 3. Oh gawd, there is no three. How about a joke pulled from Sickipedia instead? A horse walks into a bar and
the barman asks 'Why the long face?' To which the horse replies, 'I have AIDS'. Yes, it's THAT type of newsletter this
week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98V8w0w4WtY
Yes, That's the link Rob and the gang at b3ta HQ put in the newsletter, but is should have been this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo5YmK4zlN0
DOCTOR WHO NASTIES
Thanks to Black Moon who's glued together some clips of Doctor Who, with David Tennant starring in another drama to
create something that would make Russell T Davies spluff.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doctor_Rude
VADER HAS SOME FREE TIME
The Dark Lord of the Sith kills some time in his little techno-pod. Circa 1982. Black Moon wins 50 points for extended
amusing geekery.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Vader_has_some_free_time
MENTOS AND COCA-COLA EXPERIMENT
"Quite dangerous, isn't it?" asks Black Moon, as he posts this documentary proof.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mentos_and_Coca_Cola_experiment
I USED DIET COKE THIS TIME
"Black Moon, whose excellent Coke & Mentos vid we featured last week, writes, "I had too many comments about the
last one being normal Coke and not Diet, so I felt compelled to do another variation on the theme." Oh Black Moon,
Black Moon, pandering to internet pedantry is truly the way to insanity.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_used_Diet_Coke_with_Mentos_this_time
WHAT'S IN SPOCK'S SCANNER? - PART 1
If you've ever wondered what Spock looks at when he stares into that tiny screen on the Enterprise bridge, wonder no
more! "This is part one in a series," predicts Black Moon, "(if this one does well)."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner
WHAT'S IN SPOCK'S SCANNER? - PART 2
"I said you guys would be the first to know when part two was ready," rasps Black Moon. "I've literally just uploaded it
to YT." An ambitious, sprawling sequel, this is a literal bonanza for the Trekkies. Okay, not a literal bonanza, that would
be a western.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner_Part_2
HOW TO AVOID GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN
"Parked your car on the tracks by mistake and you haven't got time to move it?" asks Black Moon. Here's how you
resolve the situation.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_avoid_getting_hit_by_a_train
THROUGH THE VIEWFINDER
"If you don't like the scenery... change it," explains Black Moon.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Through_the_viewfinder
SIGNS 2
"Road signs come to life, in this charming little film from Black Moon. "It took much longer than I expected it to," he
says. "But when you've started..."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Signs_2
TYLER'S POWER KICK
"Like every proud dad says, 'He'll be playing for England when he's a big boy!'" coos Black Moon, with another pithy little special
effects clip.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Tylers_power_kick
INFINITYLER
"This is my little boy," explains Black Moon. "Playing football in the garden playing football in the garden playing foot..." Like
Cyriak, except his head doesn't split open and a thousand goats pour out.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/InfiniTyler
BLACK MOON'S CHRISTMAS 2011
"This is how my Christmas went," writes Black Moon. Remind us to avoid him around his birthday.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Black_Moons_Christmas_2011
HOW TO REMOVE ADS VFROM VIDEOS
"I could teach you, but I'd have to charge," chants Black Moon, gleefully. More mind-melting SFX trickery.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/How_to_remove_ads_from_videos
WHAT'S IN SPOCK'S SCANNER PART III
"The third and final part of my Star Trek editing endeavours," explains Black Moon, who clearly doesn't believe in describing things as a
trilogy. A sublime 10 minutes of dialogue-free gags from the Original Series.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Whats_in_Spocks_scanner_Part_3
ALIEN THE TEXT ADVENTURE GAME
"Ripley passes some off-duty time with Mother," informs Black Moon. Retro sci-fi keyboard fans rejoice.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Alien_frustration_II
CAT vs LAWNMOWER
"A close shave for stunt cat," sweats Black Moon. Don't worry, readers - eleven cats were harmed in the making of this video.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cat_v_Lawnmower
THE FLATULENCE SYNDROME
Star Trek fartfoolery from Black Moon. You love it. Heaven help us, you absolutely love this stuff. (We like it too.)
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Flatulence_Syndrome
PLANE SPOTTING WITH BLACK MOON
Internet titan Black Moon can easily identify any sort of plane - observe.
http://b3ta.com/links/Plane_spotting_with_Black_Moon
PROMETHEUS COCA COLA PRODUCT PLACEMENT
"I got the rough idea from another user on YouTube," confesses Black Moon. "But I thought I could do a better job of it." Ah, the great, transformative taste of Coca Cola. Pepsi only rots your teeth, gums, stomach-lining and will to live.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Prometheus_Coca_Cola_advert
Below is a list of "b3ta boarders" who I like / Admire / Fancy / Would like to have bumsex with / want to hug
These are not in any particular order, I love them all dearly.
Jessie : 5000. Need I say more? Yes, I will, Her English is impeccable too. RIP Nina, love always.
Prodigy : Awesome shopping skills, some great animal "modifications".
Comma : For her colourful additions to the English language.
Strawberry Dragon : Lovely artwork, Wish I could draw like that.
Sunshine Elephant : Lovely artwork again, I still wish I could draw like that.
Rev. Jesse Custer : The sheer "GAH!" value of the zombies. Lovely shopping skills.
Mystery Bob : Some of the best, and funniest animations ever. Also, he's very helpful with website stuff.
Felix : Very helpful on the night of the crane fly. Nice animations too.
The Neville : Two words; Diverse originality. The Ikea instructions were great.
Syncubus : A good lad, always fluffy. Oh, he has nice feet too (aparrently). Arse rent cricket.
Zoot : I won't say anything bad about him, he's got 42 guns.
M3 Essential : Great shopping and animations.
Eclectech : Wonderful Shopping, Animamtions, Flash, ohh, everything!
Reckless Rik : Great shoppping with some bizarre ideas.
Chicago Dave : His b3ta screensaver got me here in the first place. Do I thank him or blame him?
Leningrad : The "rhyming animations" were very original.
Stick Figure Ninja : He's nuts! But in a good way.
Derek Acorah's Spirit Guide Sam : This lady's work oozes cuteness from every direction.
mutated monty : Teh master of animation, say no more. workboresme : Norks. Flowerpot : Because she's lovely.I will be adding to this list as I think of people.*
*Probably. If I can be arsed.
Recent front page messages:
Rugby players holding babies.
'ning
It occurred to me last night the way they cradle the ball looks like...
(Fri 13th Mar 2015, 9:05, More)
'ning
It occurred to me last night the way they cradle the ball looks like...
(Fri 13th Mar 2015, 9:05, More)
Neil thought some of the tests were a bit silly..... but fun.
Biggy Clicky Thingy
Woo, 14th FP. Blackmoon=Happy Chappy
(Tue 26th Aug 2003, 14:02, More)
Biggy Clicky Thingy
Woo, 14th FP. Blackmoon=Happy Chappy
(Tue 26th Aug 2003, 14:02, More)
Excuse me?
The professor suspects you are ridiculing him.
A bit more than twice the size
(Sat 16th Aug 2003, 1:58, More)
The professor suspects you are ridiculing him.
A bit more than twice the size
(Sat 16th Aug 2003, 1:58, More)
Babuffin
Click for bigness before it eats your babies
Something to induce a nightmare. G'night all, seeya laters.
(Tue 8th Jul 2003, 5:05, More)
Click for bigness before it eats your babies
Something to induce a nightmare. G'night all, seeya laters.
(Tue 8th Jul 2003, 5:05, More)
Anybody seen this film?
Looks stupid to me.
Biggy Clicky
Feel free to bandwagon.
(Sat 28th Jun 2003, 0:20, More)
Looks stupid to me.
Biggy Clicky
Feel free to bandwagon.
(Sat 28th Jun 2003, 0:20, More)
Best answers to questions:
» Mums
The last thing I said to my mum
was "See ya tomorrow" and I closed the front door, got in my car and spent the night at my girlfriend's house. When I came home from work the next day, I did see her as promised, but she was face down on the kitchen floor. She died at about 11am from a Subarachnoid Hemorrhage. Very unexpected. That was 1994, and I still really miss her. Love you mum.
(Sun 14th Feb 2010, 11:50, More)
The last thing I said to my mum
was "See ya tomorrow" and I closed the front door, got in my car and spent the night at my girlfriend's house. When I came home from work the next day, I did see her as promised, but she was face down on the kitchen floor. She died at about 11am from a Subarachnoid Hemorrhage. Very unexpected. That was 1994, and I still really miss her. Love you mum.
(Sun 14th Feb 2010, 11:50, More)
» Embarrassing Injuries
I think this was in my local paper...
apologies if it was a national and you have already heard it.
A guy was working, operating a CNC guillotine without the guard, He cut his thumb quite badly, and after the company doctor cleaned him up he had to show the boss exactly how he managed to cause himself the injury. He stuck his hand in it again, said "All I did was this", Pressed a button and lost two fingers.
What a twat.
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 1:24, More)
I think this was in my local paper...
apologies if it was a national and you have already heard it.
A guy was working, operating a CNC guillotine without the guard, He cut his thumb quite badly, and after the company doctor cleaned him up he had to show the boss exactly how he managed to cause himself the injury. He stuck his hand in it again, said "All I did was this", Pressed a button and lost two fingers.
What a twat.
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 1:24, More)
» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke
I went to turtle school
but I don't remember what they taught us.
(Wed 9th May 2018, 22:20, More)
I went to turtle school
but I don't remember what they taught us.
(Wed 9th May 2018, 22:20, More)
» Little things that turn you on
Seeing a girl
shove something up her cunt.
(Sat 19th Feb 2005, 0:13, More)
Seeing a girl
shove something up her cunt.
(Sat 19th Feb 2005, 0:13, More)
» Evidence that you're getting old
I was in Mallorca last week,
I was having a drink and attempting to dance with young attractive ladies. Suddenly one of the girls grabbed my shoulders and turned me round to dance with her mother.
(Sat 30th Oct 2004, 4:32, More)
I was in Mallorca last week,
I was having a drink and attempting to dance with young attractive ladies. Suddenly one of the girls grabbed my shoulders and turned me round to dance with her mother.
(Sat 30th Oct 2004, 4:32, More)