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» Food sabotage
Not *exactly* sabotage...
But..
My old house mate at college, bless her..once told us a very amusing story.
As a teenager, my friend was, as are all teenagers, incredibly horny. Her preferred form of onanism was..taking a nice firm carrot from the vegetable drawer, and pleasuring herself with it. Fair enough. Problem was, she did not dispose of said vegetable delight in a humane manner.
Oh no. She would do the deed, then return the carrot to the vegetable area of the house. Naturally, at the family sunday lunch, she declined certain orange-hued vegetables. But her family LOVED them..
Special sauce, with that, sir??
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 22:12, More)
Not *exactly* sabotage...
But..
My old house mate at college, bless her..once told us a very amusing story.
As a teenager, my friend was, as are all teenagers, incredibly horny. Her preferred form of onanism was..taking a nice firm carrot from the vegetable drawer, and pleasuring herself with it. Fair enough. Problem was, she did not dispose of said vegetable delight in a humane manner.
Oh no. She would do the deed, then return the carrot to the vegetable area of the house. Naturally, at the family sunday lunch, she declined certain orange-hued vegetables. But her family LOVED them..
Special sauce, with that, sir??
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 22:12, More)
» I was drunk when I bought this
Could have been worse....
Bright pink vibrating nipple clamps. On a mates expense account credit card hehehe.
they broke next day :( shoddy workmanship i reckon
(Sat 11th Jun 2005, 23:14, More)
Could have been worse....
Bright pink vibrating nipple clamps. On a mates expense account credit card hehehe.
they broke next day :( shoddy workmanship i reckon
(Sat 11th Jun 2005, 23:14, More)
» Food sabotage
Mmmm..salty...
An ex of mine was rather proud of this one:
Whilst working his sizeable ass off in a well known, and apparently high class restaurant in Denver, long, hot shifts lasting 13 hours plus were not unusual. On one such arduous day, said ex was as usual the last one out, had just shut down the sizeable kitchen, and sat hisself down at the bar for the first of many strong drinks. All done..knackered, and ready to get wasted.
His manager interupts his quiet contemplation, insisting he must return to the kitchen, and cook more food. f*** that says ex..but the manager insists. Why? Because members of a well known and very popular boy band had entered the establishment, and demanded nourishment.
Ex duly returns to huge kitchen, where he has to single handedly set up everything (I understand that this took some time) to prepare their order. What did these evil little purveyors of sheer crapness request? One of eveything on the ample menu. Bunch of twunts.
Fellas will understand the next part..imagine you've been slaving away in a very hot kitchen for 13 hours, running around and working hard. Imagine that your dimensions are also rather large (ok ok, you're a fat, sweaty f***er at the best of times, but after a day of work, you just aint fragrant). Now imagine what "weather conditions" such as humidity would be like in your nether regions. You can see where I'm going with this one..
Ex dutifully and lovingly prepared a feast unlike any other for satans little hellspawn, and with each piece of meat, indeed each element of every dish, gleefully wipes away the days bollock-dew...
After serving this cornucopia of gastronomic delights, he went to see how the lads found their meal. All of them rated it top notch tucker, and advised him it was delicious.
I am sure that he is not the only person who can say that the Back Street Boys ate his ball-sweat (and loved it), but maybe the only person who can claim such a feat in this context. Not that they're gay or anything...
Never piss off a fat chef, eh kids?
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 18:13, More)
Mmmm..salty...
An ex of mine was rather proud of this one:
Whilst working his sizeable ass off in a well known, and apparently high class restaurant in Denver, long, hot shifts lasting 13 hours plus were not unusual. On one such arduous day, said ex was as usual the last one out, had just shut down the sizeable kitchen, and sat hisself down at the bar for the first of many strong drinks. All done..knackered, and ready to get wasted.
His manager interupts his quiet contemplation, insisting he must return to the kitchen, and cook more food. f*** that says ex..but the manager insists. Why? Because members of a well known and very popular boy band had entered the establishment, and demanded nourishment.
Ex duly returns to huge kitchen, where he has to single handedly set up everything (I understand that this took some time) to prepare their order. What did these evil little purveyors of sheer crapness request? One of eveything on the ample menu. Bunch of twunts.
Fellas will understand the next part..imagine you've been slaving away in a very hot kitchen for 13 hours, running around and working hard. Imagine that your dimensions are also rather large (ok ok, you're a fat, sweaty f***er at the best of times, but after a day of work, you just aint fragrant). Now imagine what "weather conditions" such as humidity would be like in your nether regions. You can see where I'm going with this one..
Ex dutifully and lovingly prepared a feast unlike any other for satans little hellspawn, and with each piece of meat, indeed each element of every dish, gleefully wipes away the days bollock-dew...
After serving this cornucopia of gastronomic delights, he went to see how the lads found their meal. All of them rated it top notch tucker, and advised him it was delicious.
I am sure that he is not the only person who can say that the Back Street Boys ate his ball-sweat (and loved it), but maybe the only person who can claim such a feat in this context. Not that they're gay or anything...
Never piss off a fat chef, eh kids?
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 18:13, More)
» Airport Stories
airline sponsored weaponry
My brother, when flying home for christmas, made the mistake of pre-wrapping the parents gifts..when going through security in an unspecified airport in California, the nice airline people had to slice open his carefully wrapped gifts, to make sure there was nothing untoward inside. Upon arriving in the UK, my brother discovered, much to his glee, that he had unwittingly smuggled onto his flight one of the box cutters that the airport staff had used to slice open his festive treats. stamped 'property of XXX airline' and everything.
He was going to send it to them with a polite note pointing out their error, but in the end kept the offending article as a souvenir.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 20:43, More)
airline sponsored weaponry
My brother, when flying home for christmas, made the mistake of pre-wrapping the parents gifts..when going through security in an unspecified airport in California, the nice airline people had to slice open his carefully wrapped gifts, to make sure there was nothing untoward inside. Upon arriving in the UK, my brother discovered, much to his glee, that he had unwittingly smuggled onto his flight one of the box cutters that the airport staff had used to slice open his festive treats. stamped 'property of XXX airline' and everything.
He was going to send it to them with a polite note pointing out their error, but in the end kept the offending article as a souvenir.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 20:43, More)
» Cougars and Sugar Daddies
erm
Hmm...aged 18 I had a long relationship with a 34 year old (the whole oedipal saga will probably do well in some future QOTW). But that isn't why I am writing.
Recently, whilst on a 13 month epic good time of a world tour, I seemed to get hit on exclusively by incredibly attractive 23 year olds. At the age of 31 (and being a female)..it made me feel rather smashing. Oft, I would raise a glass whilst enjoying a quick drink in their company, to the toast of "Here's to you..Mrs Robinson". Funny that quite a few are still in contact with me, and wish I was no longer single. Older women rock, until their tits sag too far, i wager....*sighs*
(Sat 6th Dec 2008, 22:05, More)
erm
Hmm...aged 18 I had a long relationship with a 34 year old (the whole oedipal saga will probably do well in some future QOTW). But that isn't why I am writing.
Recently, whilst on a 13 month epic good time of a world tour, I seemed to get hit on exclusively by incredibly attractive 23 year olds. At the age of 31 (and being a female)..it made me feel rather smashing. Oft, I would raise a glass whilst enjoying a quick drink in their company, to the toast of "Here's to you..Mrs Robinson". Funny that quite a few are still in contact with me, and wish I was no longer single. Older women rock, until their tits sag too far, i wager....*sighs*
(Sat 6th Dec 2008, 22:05, More)