:)

(Mon 22nd Nov 2004, 2:17, More)

This competition is bringing out the worst in me

(Sun 14th Nov 2004, 5:35, More)

The fact that I think I'm in there....

(Sat 30th Oct 2004, 18:03, More)

Clicky for more from sporty meerkats!
(Sun 12th Sep 2004, 15:55, More)

edited to be happier!

edit: blimey, unexpected, but thanks anyhew.
(Tue 22nd Jun 2004, 21:16, More)

If I see one more iPod post, I load the gun. Capiche?

cor, fp! thanks for echoing my sentiments!
(Tue 11th May 2004, 1:34, More)

The origins of pole vaulting.

evening all :)
(Wed 14th Apr 2004, 23:28, More)

The Well Badger has a rather strange mating call

and although rarely successful, he's nothing if not persistent

/david attenborough.
#1 #2
(Tue 13th Apr 2004, 14:38, More)

sorry if i've posted it before

but i was wasted when i made it, and don't remember posting it
Cor, FP! the drought is over \o/
(Wed 21st Jan 2004, 21:58, More)

(Mon 17th Nov 2003, 2:19, More)

» Customers from Hell

Apologies for outing your daughter...
I worked temporarily as a customer service representative (Phone-monkey) at a certain TV, Cable TV and Internet service provider that was eventually taken over by a company famous for pulling out of b3ta competitions.

The best call I ever got was from a muslim gentleman regarding his cable TV subscription.

He was enquiring why his bill had all of a sudden jumped from £280.00 per month to £420 per month.

Fucking insane, I know but I looked into the reason behind his bills and noted the following: -

Someone had been ordering at least three pay-per-view porn films per night. Most of these were of lesbian interest and as the bill payer and account holder he was well within his right to obtain this information.

The best part was sitting there reading through the list of titles that had been ordered. At every point in telephone calls I remain calm and composed, if someone starts screaming and shouting, I remain calm, no-one could have prepared me for what was about to happen. The guy fucking flipped, he was screaming blue murder in his native language and would not stop, he had paid them almost four grand and almost all of this was for pornography. He was incensed.

I politely explained that if he so desires, we could disable pay-per-view to prevent this in future and this is where he dropped the ultimate bombshell.

He just paid the bill. The actual television was installed in his daughters flat in leicester which she shared with a female housemate.. oooh thought I... not good!

He hung the phone up and I thought that was it.

A few days later I was dealing with written correspondence and lo and motherfucking behold what did I see...

A letter from a rather incensed woman about disclosing what she was watching to her father and revealing her alternative lifestyle.

I went to the account and decided to respond personally, saying in the third person that I had done exactly was required of me, explained that as I was discussing the account with the named party I was more than at liberty to disclose the titles of ordered films.

Good times!
(Fri 5th Sep 2008, 1:37, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

not a personal client...
But a relative of friend of mine ran a computer company in the DOS & windows 3.1 days. one afternoon a customer who had bought a computer, phoned in. the conversation went as follows:
techy: How can i help?
woman: My computer won't work!
techy: can you be more specific please?
woman: i don't know whats wrong, it's being weird and it won't do what i want!
techy: are there any messages on the screen saying what the problem might be?
woman: well, it says my himen has been broken or something.

the phone was subsequently slammed down, and the techy burst into fits of laughter, he barely managed to relay the story to his co-workers, at which point they all burst out laughing too.
moments later the phone rang, they manage to gain composure and answer. the same woman was on the phone 'hello? i think we got disconnected, can you help me with my broken himen please?

she was helped in the end, but i could never look at himem errors in the same light again.
(Mon 29th Dec 2003, 0:00, More)

» Call Centres

Reposted, but relevant.

I worked temporarily as a customer service representative (Phone-monkey) at a certain TV, Cable TV and Internet service provider that was eventually taken over by a company famous for pulling out of b3ta competitions.

The best call I ever got was from a muslim gentleman regarding his cable TV subscription.

He was enquiring why his bill had all of a sudden jumped from £280.00 per month to £420 per month.

Fucking insane, I know but I looked into the reason behind his bills and noted the following: -

Someone had been ordering at least three pay-per-view porn films per night. Fortunately I had full access to all of the details and revealed a few choice titles. Most of the titles were of lesbian (and lets face it, most men!) interest and as the bill payer and account holder he was well within his right to obtain this information.

The best part was sitting there reading through the list of titles that had been ordered. At every point in telephone calls I remain calm and composed, if someone starts screaming and shouting, I remain calm, no-one could have prepared me for what was about to happen. The guy fucking flipped, he was screaming blue murder in his native language and would not stop, he had paid them almost four grand and almost all of this was for pornography. He was for a lack of a better phrase "Not a happy bunny".

I politely explained that if he so desires, we could disable pay-per-view to prevent this in future and this is where he dropped the ultimate bombshell.

He just paid the bill. The actual television was installed in his daughters flat in leicester which she shared with a female housemate whilst studying... oooh thought I... not good!

He hung the phone up and I thought that was it.

A few days later I was dealing with written correspondence and lo and motherfucking behold what did I see...

A letter from a rather unhappy young lady about disclosing what she was watching to her father and revealing her alternative lifestyle.

I went to the account and decided to respond personally, saying in the third person that I had done exactly was required of me, explained that as I was discussing the account with the named party I was more than at liberty to disclose the titles of ordered films.

I still feel a little guilty about this one.
(Mon 7th Sep 2009, 18:49, More)

» IT Support

Repost, but it's from eons ago and deserves to be retold.
The brother of my best friend at school ran a business computer company in the DOS & Windows 3.1 days. one afternoon a customer who had bought a computer called in.

The conversation went pretty much as follows:
Techy: How can I help?
Woman: My computer won't work!
Techy: Can you be more specific please?
Woman: I don't know whats wrong, it's being weird and it won't do what I want!
Techy: Are there any messages on the screen?
woman: Well, it says my himen has been broken.

The phone was subsequently slammed down and the techy burst into fits of laughter, he barely managed to relay the story to his co-workers, who all burst out laughing too.
Moments later the phone rang, they managed to regain their composure and answer. The same woman was on the phone. 'Hello? I think we got disconnected, can you help me with my broken himen please?

She was helped in the end, but i could never look at Himem errors in the same light again.
(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 13:11, More)

» Call Centres

Abusive customer?
Pointing out that you know where they live in an intimidating manner will most likely get you fired immediately.
(Thu 3rd Sep 2009, 13:19, More)