» Too much information

My family is obsessed with cats.
So when my cat ran away it was only custom for us to get a kitten to replace him. We went to pick up Maxine, the newest edition to the family, on a friday. Being in my young age of 12 I was extremely ecstatic when we got her and by the time we got home I wanted to stay up all night with her and play, but my parents disagreed. So I went to bed, awaiting the hours of play time I could have the next morning. I got up and ran around the house looking for her...she wasn't to be found! So I went into my parents room and they were awake...My father was rubbing around the lower end of my mothers abdomen...I asked where the kitten was..."She's under the covers, I'm petting her" Said my dear old dad...Much to my suprise she came galloping up to my foot as those words left his mouth...yes I'm sure you are petting the kitten....AGH!! TMI Dad...TMI!!
(Fri 7th Sep 2007, 2:12, More)

» Too much information

I like to shock people
So I tell my friends in extreme detail about my sexual experiences...I even told my mother when I lost my virginity just to see what she'd say. My cousin is pregnant with her second child and we were joking about it (she has my same sick humor). My mother was gagging as I was recalling the delivery room doctor pulling out her placenta and me ducking as it swung around like a lasso. He plopped it into a metal container and proclaimed it to be healthy while poking, prodding and squishing it ever so violently. *squirt* Then we moved onto the topic of sexual terms. London bridge anyone? Yes that would be when there are 2 fellas occupying both bum and front bum of a lady, my cousin shared how her boyfriend participated in one at a party. I went on to inform them as to what the spiderman is...you know guy cum in his hand then throws it into sexual partners face and yells "GO, WEB GO!!" My mother didn't really enjoy that one. oh well...GO, WEB GO!!
(Thu 6th Sep 2007, 20:26, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

whenever I behaved like the horrible child I was
My mom or Aunt would pick up the phone and start dialing. Conversation:
"Hello, Mrs. Claus, this is blankety blank. I have my daughter/neice, blank, here and she is misbehaving so, tell Mr. Claus there is no need to visit her this year. Thank You!! Bye-bye now."

OH how the tears poured.

If I were lucky she would call the police, I would run into the bathroom, lock the door and lie in the tub for hours waiting to be taken away by the long arm of the law. Oh how they laugh about it now.

I don't.
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 20:09, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Guilty? nah
My Grandfather died from liver cancer and I am an alcoholic.
My Grandmother died from lung cancer and I smoke like there is no tomorrow.
My Father is a recovered drug addict and I smoke weed occasionally. I do coke regularly and I know how to cook crack. Smoke it occasionally.
I slept with my ex bosses husband, my friends ex several times and gave head to the guy she wanted to be with. I gave head to a guy who's fiance was 7 months pregnant at the time. I met up with my friend I haven't talked to in 4 years and we slept together. He's married.
Of all these I have only felt guilty about sleeping with my bosses husband. But she is a bitch. It doesn't justify it, but hey...I haven't killed anyone.

EDIT: Also, my friend found out she was pregnant last year, she broke up with her boyfriend and decided to keep the baby. I told a few of our mutual friends and then her sister talked her into having an abortion. So she had people coming up to her asking about the baby. Oops. I kinda felt bad about that. For about a second. Anywho, she's now with someone else and is pregnant again...keeping this one for real. But apparently I got drunk and told someone again, when I was sworn to secrecy. Oops, I did it again...
(Fri 31st Aug 2007, 19:37, More)

» Housemates from hell

So she's my best friend and love her dearly but thank God she doesn't know what b3ta is
While we were living together (about 3 yrs ago) I noticed she has serious issues with bowel function, love her but there is a problem when I open the washing machine and there is clumps of brown poo in it, or I go to take a shower and ur stained panties are spread all over the floor. Sorry love, youre a great person, but you got issues. Now, she carries around a foul odor 75% of the time. Her new roommate(another of my good friends) put her shampoo and conditioner on the tallest shelf in the shower (she's short) just to see how many days she will wait to ask him to get it down. That's how many days she goes with out shampoo. Also she doesn't take showers she lies in the tub swimming in her own filth that has been collected over 2-3 sometimes even 4 days. They call her snail trail because one night she had a huge wet spot from vaggie to hiney after she went out drinking with her boyfriend (with whom i assume she wanted some action and she told me she was horny). She pulls her hair back so no one will notice how oily it is, and it looks like a bunch of tangled fuzz, when she takes her hair out of her elastic it has clumps of hair stuck to it, she has 4 or 5 hairy elastics hanging around the bathroom. Her lovely roommate refers to them as Furbies. Oh, and his dog loves to break into her room and tear up her bloody/pooey stained thongs. Sorry for length but it's been years since my last post.
(Thu 5th Apr 2007, 20:51, More)