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» Cringe!
The boss
Came up to my desk one morning to talk to me but the conversation was strained with him
spending time making occasional glances at my screen.
It was only when he left that I realised that I had a number of analysis spreadsheets open
that I had minimised and due to having many applications open, the taskbar had truncated
their names to things like "INTERESTING ANAL" and "COMPLETE ANAL".
*wince*
(Sun 30th Nov 2008, 16:11, More)
The boss
Came up to my desk one morning to talk to me but the conversation was strained with him
spending time making occasional glances at my screen.
It was only when he left that I realised that I had a number of analysis spreadsheets open
that I had minimised and due to having many applications open, the taskbar had truncated
their names to things like "INTERESTING ANAL" and "COMPLETE ANAL".
*wince*
(Sun 30th Nov 2008, 16:11, More)
» Mobile phone disasters
How does one pay and go?
Summer of 97 if I remember correctly. I'd avoided buying a mobile simply because I didn't want to enter into a contract for something I'd hardly use.
Through the door, popped a magazine, the back page of which was adorned with a full page advertisement for One2One's new "up 2 you" service launching soon, a pre-paid mobile phone for about 100 squids.
The (concept) picture was of a small mobile phone of the day, but instead of a screen, there was a slot to insert coins.
I thought this was a superb idea with just one small flaw so was straight on the phone to them to ask.....
"Where the money went after I inserted it and how they got it out again"
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 2:43, More)
How does one pay and go?
Summer of 97 if I remember correctly. I'd avoided buying a mobile simply because I didn't want to enter into a contract for something I'd hardly use.
Through the door, popped a magazine, the back page of which was adorned with a full page advertisement for One2One's new "up 2 you" service launching soon, a pre-paid mobile phone for about 100 squids.
The (concept) picture was of a small mobile phone of the day, but instead of a screen, there was a slot to insert coins.
I thought this was a superb idea with just one small flaw so was straight on the phone to them to ask.....
"Where the money went after I inserted it and how they got it out again"
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 2:43, More)
» Blood
Needles
Not strictly on topic, but recently I've been diagnosed with a condition which requires me to receive regular intramuscular injections and me, being me , decided that I would take it upon myself to administer them.
I arrived at the clinic for the tutorial,
I was met by a nice female doctor who offered to "show me the ropes".
I was shown how to prepare for the injection and fill the needle with the drug.
I was then told that the best place on my body to start learning with is a muscle called the "Vastus lateralis" which is in the thigh.
After sterilising the area, we arrived at the point were I was holding the needle over my leg with one hand, and gripping it (to expose more muscle) with the other.
It was at this stage where the appeal of the procedure was suddenly lost on me as I realised I was at the point where I had to jab myself with a bloody great needle (21g if you are interested) which was an inch long (to penetrate the muscle tissue) and rather thick looking. There was no going back.
"Hold it like a dart" she said, "throw it into your thigh like you would throw a dart, it's all in the wrist".
I must confess I was never good at darts but nonetheless I was under medical supervision and she would be there to take the blame if anything went wrong, right?
Nervously, I threw the needle into my leg, expecting it to be stupidly painful, what I /actually/ felt was far worse.
As it hit the skin , piercing the epidermal and dermal layers and then the (subcutanoeus) fat layer, I must confess I couldn't feel a thing, it was like a knife through butter, this surprised me somewhat.
When it hit the muscle layer however, my astonishment turned to distress, there is nothing quite like the feel of a silicon coated needle inside your muscle tissue, muscles are made of lots of "fibres" and the needle parts them where it can.
I can only describe it as a "weakening" of the muscle tissue, it goes from a solid piece of muscle you can tense and control, to a lump of pathetic jelly.
Now the needle was all the way in (a whole inch of it), the thought of accidentally knocking it and having it move was making me quite sick.
I looked up at the doc and waited for a prompt as to what to do next, she told me that now I was "in", I would have to "aspirate" (I believe the technical term is) which is to pull back on the plunger to look for blood, if I had the end of the needle inside a blood vessel (and there were many in my leg) I couldn't continue and would have to pull out (the drugs are not designed to go direct into the blood like that).
I did this and was surprised to find... nothing.. nothing at all... I was actually pulling back what seemed to be a vacuum, I could feel the resistance on the plunger as it wanted to be pulled back in, there was a vacuum inside my muscle!!
After confirming there was no blood, I continued to press the plunger in, the feeling of jelly became worse as the solution pushed apart my muscle fibres further, there was no going back.
Finally, I'd finished. I removed the needle which felt odder coming out than it did on the way in. Instantly I saw the clear drug leaking out of the hole I just made, trying to attain its freedom, followed closely by blood from the vessels I'd punctured on the way down.
For this I was simply told to apply pressure and it would stop by itself.
The whole experience gave me a funny sensation in the leg all day and still does to this day.
Length? 1 inch and rather deep.
(Thu 7th Aug 2008, 23:24, More)
Needles
Not strictly on topic, but recently I've been diagnosed with a condition which requires me to receive regular intramuscular injections and me, being me , decided that I would take it upon myself to administer them.
I arrived at the clinic for the tutorial,
I was met by a nice female doctor who offered to "show me the ropes".
I was shown how to prepare for the injection and fill the needle with the drug.
I was then told that the best place on my body to start learning with is a muscle called the "Vastus lateralis" which is in the thigh.
After sterilising the area, we arrived at the point were I was holding the needle over my leg with one hand, and gripping it (to expose more muscle) with the other.
It was at this stage where the appeal of the procedure was suddenly lost on me as I realised I was at the point where I had to jab myself with a bloody great needle (21g if you are interested) which was an inch long (to penetrate the muscle tissue) and rather thick looking. There was no going back.
"Hold it like a dart" she said, "throw it into your thigh like you would throw a dart, it's all in the wrist".
I must confess I was never good at darts but nonetheless I was under medical supervision and she would be there to take the blame if anything went wrong, right?
Nervously, I threw the needle into my leg, expecting it to be stupidly painful, what I /actually/ felt was far worse.
As it hit the skin , piercing the epidermal and dermal layers and then the (subcutanoeus) fat layer, I must confess I couldn't feel a thing, it was like a knife through butter, this surprised me somewhat.
When it hit the muscle layer however, my astonishment turned to distress, there is nothing quite like the feel of a silicon coated needle inside your muscle tissue, muscles are made of lots of "fibres" and the needle parts them where it can.
I can only describe it as a "weakening" of the muscle tissue, it goes from a solid piece of muscle you can tense and control, to a lump of pathetic jelly.
Now the needle was all the way in (a whole inch of it), the thought of accidentally knocking it and having it move was making me quite sick.
I looked up at the doc and waited for a prompt as to what to do next, she told me that now I was "in", I would have to "aspirate" (I believe the technical term is) which is to pull back on the plunger to look for blood, if I had the end of the needle inside a blood vessel (and there were many in my leg) I couldn't continue and would have to pull out (the drugs are not designed to go direct into the blood like that).
I did this and was surprised to find... nothing.. nothing at all... I was actually pulling back what seemed to be a vacuum, I could feel the resistance on the plunger as it wanted to be pulled back in, there was a vacuum inside my muscle!!
After confirming there was no blood, I continued to press the plunger in, the feeling of jelly became worse as the solution pushed apart my muscle fibres further, there was no going back.
Finally, I'd finished. I removed the needle which felt odder coming out than it did on the way in. Instantly I saw the clear drug leaking out of the hole I just made, trying to attain its freedom, followed closely by blood from the vessels I'd punctured on the way down.
For this I was simply told to apply pressure and it would stop by itself.
The whole experience gave me a funny sensation in the leg all day and still does to this day.
Length? 1 inch and rather deep.
(Thu 7th Aug 2008, 23:24, More)
» Terrible food
Ulcer Cakes
When I was about 8 I remember coming up with this fantastic idea, based on the following principles:
a. I had a mouth ulcer. It hurt lots.
b. My mother had told me that bicarbonate of soda "heals" mouth ulcers.
c. Bicarbonate of Soda tastes rank.
d. Cakes taste nice.
e. Cakes baked with Bicarbonate of Soda would both taste nice and heal mouth ulcers.
So I set about my task to bake my famous "Ulcer Cakes" which would be a revolution in Kids oral health, I would make fairy cakes and replace the baking powder for bicarbonate of soda, since they were both white powders to me they would be interchangable!
For added strength, I would double the amount of power used.
An hour later my mother removes the cakes from the oven and I anxiously try my miracle cure.
I take a cake, put it in my mouth and chew on it for a while, before realising that rather than tasting sweet as I had expected it to,
it did in fact taste like my mouth had come to the end of a rather long and intense vomiting session and was still covered in bile.
Didn't stop me from insisting that everybody else in the house try one,
I can still picture the grimaces on their faces to this day...
(Wed 23rd May 2007, 1:50, More)
Ulcer Cakes
When I was about 8 I remember coming up with this fantastic idea, based on the following principles:
a. I had a mouth ulcer. It hurt lots.
b. My mother had told me that bicarbonate of soda "heals" mouth ulcers.
c. Bicarbonate of Soda tastes rank.
d. Cakes taste nice.
e. Cakes baked with Bicarbonate of Soda would both taste nice and heal mouth ulcers.
So I set about my task to bake my famous "Ulcer Cakes" which would be a revolution in Kids oral health, I would make fairy cakes and replace the baking powder for bicarbonate of soda, since they were both white powders to me they would be interchangable!
For added strength, I would double the amount of power used.
An hour later my mother removes the cakes from the oven and I anxiously try my miracle cure.
I take a cake, put it in my mouth and chew on it for a while, before realising that rather than tasting sweet as I had expected it to,
it did in fact taste like my mouth had come to the end of a rather long and intense vomiting session and was still covered in bile.
Didn't stop me from insisting that everybody else in the house try one,
I can still picture the grimaces on their faces to this day...
(Wed 23rd May 2007, 1:50, More)
» Dumb things you've done
The slicer
Whilst out shopping picked up one of these:
www.vslicer.co.uk/
for not very much money at all, thought since I was a crap cook this would somehow make me better.
As soon as I got it home, I did what any red blooded man would do and tore open the box, binned the instructions and set about slicing up my vegetables with it.
Set up a 3mm depth template, grabbed a pepper and started passing it over the blade.
Amazing.... I thought... I was already producing sliced pepper rings like in the pictures on the front of the box!
Unfortunately, I was holding the pepper with my bare hand, I'd thrown the safety guard away.
You can see where this is going can't you....
Yes, nice 3mm deep slices of my thumb before I had realised what had happened.
With blood pissing everywhere, I remembered the words of my mother and stuck (what was left of) the top of my thumb under a stream of cold running water.
The motion of the water continually ran the blood away from the wound allowing me to stare with fascination at what was left of the top of my thumb, in its bloodless state. I could virtually see inside it.
Anyway, wrapped up the thumb in some gauze, went to A+E only to be treated by an old school nurse who promptly stuck it in a beaker of peroxide, much to my amusement.
Hurt like hell but the subsequent oxidising reaction stopped the bleeding rather rapidly, was dead impressed.
Length?..
Why, much shorter than when it started!
(Sat 22nd Dec 2007, 2:30, More)
The slicer
Whilst out shopping picked up one of these:
www.vslicer.co.uk/
for not very much money at all, thought since I was a crap cook this would somehow make me better.
As soon as I got it home, I did what any red blooded man would do and tore open the box, binned the instructions and set about slicing up my vegetables with it.
Set up a 3mm depth template, grabbed a pepper and started passing it over the blade.
Amazing.... I thought... I was already producing sliced pepper rings like in the pictures on the front of the box!
Unfortunately, I was holding the pepper with my bare hand, I'd thrown the safety guard away.
You can see where this is going can't you....
Yes, nice 3mm deep slices of my thumb before I had realised what had happened.
With blood pissing everywhere, I remembered the words of my mother and stuck (what was left of) the top of my thumb under a stream of cold running water.
The motion of the water continually ran the blood away from the wound allowing me to stare with fascination at what was left of the top of my thumb, in its bloodless state. I could virtually see inside it.
Anyway, wrapped up the thumb in some gauze, went to A+E only to be treated by an old school nurse who promptly stuck it in a beaker of peroxide, much to my amusement.
Hurt like hell but the subsequent oxidising reaction stopped the bleeding rather rapidly, was dead impressed.
Length?..
Why, much shorter than when it started!
(Sat 22nd Dec 2007, 2:30, More)