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» I hurt my rude bits
womb inflicted....
I've never felt such mortal terror as reading some of these, but at least they occurred after having been deposited on this mortal coil. Mine was inflicted while still inside of my Mummy, bless her.
When I was born there were loads of complications, my mum nearly died, i was an emergency caesarian and they suspected I had water on the brain, this carried on for 2 years, during which time other post-birth checks must have been neglected.
Fast forward to the kind of age when not having two bollocks present and correct assumes greater relevance, and I'm stricken with fear when a school 'mate' (if thats the word) notices. Cue incessant piss taking from a group of 11 year olds.
Went to the doc who diagnosed an 'undescended right testicle'. Here's me thinking a quick massage will coax the little fella into position. Oh no. Instead cue hospital trip, 5 inch incision just above my thigh, through my whole stomach wall into my pelvic cavity, where the surgeon must then have poked it down from there into my sac by hand. He must have looked forward to me on his schedule!
Most intolerable pain ever. I could barely walk for a week, couldn't dress, wash, wipe my own arse. Worse than that, mum decided to take me to the cinema to cheer me up. We saw Mrs Doubtfire. You try laughing when all your stomach muscles are out of commission. More like ha ha yelp!
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 17:30, More)
womb inflicted....
I've never felt such mortal terror as reading some of these, but at least they occurred after having been deposited on this mortal coil. Mine was inflicted while still inside of my Mummy, bless her.
When I was born there were loads of complications, my mum nearly died, i was an emergency caesarian and they suspected I had water on the brain, this carried on for 2 years, during which time other post-birth checks must have been neglected.
Fast forward to the kind of age when not having two bollocks present and correct assumes greater relevance, and I'm stricken with fear when a school 'mate' (if thats the word) notices. Cue incessant piss taking from a group of 11 year olds.
Went to the doc who diagnosed an 'undescended right testicle'. Here's me thinking a quick massage will coax the little fella into position. Oh no. Instead cue hospital trip, 5 inch incision just above my thigh, through my whole stomach wall into my pelvic cavity, where the surgeon must then have poked it down from there into my sac by hand. He must have looked forward to me on his schedule!
Most intolerable pain ever. I could barely walk for a week, couldn't dress, wash, wipe my own arse. Worse than that, mum decided to take me to the cinema to cheer me up. We saw Mrs Doubtfire. You try laughing when all your stomach muscles are out of commission. More like ha ha yelp!
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 17:30, More)
» Have you ever paid for sex?
don't go to brixton...
I was staying in Brixton with a mate (at his flat near the arches and the overland train station for those who know it...). We were heading out one evening and I, being the beer homing eager beaver I am set off in hot pursuit of the amber nectar, only to turn round and wait for him and have someone who can only be described as looking like someone sanded down a rusty combine harvester blade with her face stopped me and asked if i was looking for business. To which my answer was a polite but firm no.
Wasn't enough for her. She proceeded to ask me to lend her a quid. 1) what does this say about her success rate in scoring? 2) when exactly would this 'loan' be repaid?
Needless to say I gave her the quid, mainly out of terror
(Mon 23rd Jan 2006, 19:41, More)
don't go to brixton...
I was staying in Brixton with a mate (at his flat near the arches and the overland train station for those who know it...). We were heading out one evening and I, being the beer homing eager beaver I am set off in hot pursuit of the amber nectar, only to turn round and wait for him and have someone who can only be described as looking like someone sanded down a rusty combine harvester blade with her face stopped me and asked if i was looking for business. To which my answer was a polite but firm no.
Wasn't enough for her. She proceeded to ask me to lend her a quid. 1) what does this say about her success rate in scoring? 2) when exactly would this 'loan' be repaid?
Needless to say I gave her the quid, mainly out of terror
(Mon 23rd Jan 2006, 19:41, More)