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» My most gullible moment

Fun on boats
While on a gunboat as part of the Southampton Uni Royal Naval Unit we were regularly deployed to ports on the coast of France (or Holland or somewhere foreign).

As was usual we hosted cocktail parties for local dignitaries, mayors, local naval associations and so on. Lots of fun for a group of spotty students to mingle and drink for free.

During one of these parties with about 50 or so people packed on board, I noticed that across the harbor we were in, there was an old guy looking out of a window at us. He'd been doing this since the beginning of the party. (a good hour or so). I suggested to the Chief of the Boat that maybe we could invite him over - he was obviously very interested in our ship and it's goings on. The Chief agreed. Unusual, as he was a stickler for protocol, and a bit of a grumpy bastard.

So chuffed that I was helping to extend friendship across Europe - off I set - a walk of about 500 yards down to a bridge crossing the dock, then 500 yards back up the other side to the building with the window...

and the statue inside it....

staring across the water.... to the boat, where every single one of the bastards on board is crying with laughter as I then start my 1000 yard walk of shame back...

(Tue 26th Aug 2008, 0:05, More)

» Bad Smells

As a child I was obsessed with mother nature - finding fox skulls, birds nests, collecting anything that nature was done with, carefully labeling it and putting on display in my lab (otherwise known as "the spare room") One successful mission resulted in me finding a 2' long freshly dead pike. Apparently the local fishermen used to catch them and leave them on the banks to save the other nicer fish.

I trotted this pike home, and placed it carefully on the garage roof, to let the summer sun and flies do their business, and I would eventually be left with a perfect, complete pike skeleton to add to my collection.

I then, with a spectualar timing, went on a 2 week camping trip with the school cadets.

Upon my return, i discovered my parents were at their wits end - the house smelled generally rank - they had no idea why the bathroom (above the garage) smelled of dead bodies. There were flies everywhere, and a stench so pervasive they could barely sleep. My dad had torn apart the plumbing system trying to find a leak or blockage.

I guess my "ah, about that..." look gave it away.

Honestly - I don't recall the punishment -it was so horrendous I think I've blocked it from my memory, but I am sure it involved scrubbing the roof, walls, gutters and inside of the garage to remove the rancid fish juice and blowfly maggots.

The real punishment was that I never did get my skeleton.
(Tue 21st Jan 2014, 19:29, More)

» Biggest Sexual Regret

Well I'll be fucked..

This is not about how I went on holiday with a girl after we just split up (because I still wanted a surf trip to Costa Rica) and how I spent the week sharing an uncomfortable frigid bed with her. Or even that, out of misplaced loyalty, I turned down licking chocolate syrup off her gorgeous drunk, flight attendant friend, who was gagging for it and told me exactly what I missed as she jetted off to somewhere else the following week.

That's a whole other story.

This post is about a previous question: "The B3TA Detective Agency. Tell us about your feats of deduction and the little mysteries you've solved. Alternatively, tell us about the simple, everyday things that mystified you for far too long."

After years and years of reading and posting to B3ta I just this minute finally got what "pearoast" means...
(Thu 8th Dec 2011, 22:49, More)

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

Cats Eyes prevent Communist invasion.
(PeaRoast! my first...)

On car trips my parents would tell me:

If you accidentally drove over more than 4 catseyes in a row they would explode. This was a very clever scheme invented to prevent Russian tanks from invading as tanks were longer than 4 catseyes but cars were shorter. I was already in total fear of the Red Menace at the age of 7, and this totally believable logic just heightened my paranoia. My dad would take great delight in hitting three catseyes and then narrowly avoiding the fourth while I screamed myself into a catatonic state in the back seat.

(Fri 20th Jan 2012, 18:46, More)

» Conversation Killers

Lulworth Cove, drinking, and spastics

I was on a jolly day out many, many years ago to Lulworth Cove. A few drinks were drunk, and as we were walking past the gift shops one of our gang decided to playfully kick one of those Plastic Spastic Society Money boxes - the little girl in leg-irons with the box that you're meant to drop coins in.

The kick was a little harder than anticipated and to his shock the little girl started to fall over. As the rest of us looked on horrified, my mate made a flailing, valiant grab and prevented the whole thing from toppling to the ground.
Now feeling relieved but greatly ashamed of our yobbish behavior, we slunk off for another pint.

An hour or two later, sitting in a lovely sunny, beer garden, we'd got over our shame and were laughing about the incident.

"I can't believe I kicked that spacka in the head!" our friend cried out jovially!


From the entire garden....

....Including the crowd of helmet wearing, wheelchair bound, severely disabled teenagers and their volunteers out for a day of sun and ice-cream.
(Fri 13th May 2011, 0:27, More)
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