» Road Rage

Upon a rainy morning-o,
I gaily did a walking go,
When crossing a road and filled with glee,
A cyclist near' crashed into me,
"Wanker!" was his pithy call
As he swerved almost to fall,
I sweetly giggled at his luck,
And shyly told him to get to fuck.
(Fri 13th Oct 2006, 2:15, More)

» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

I was a fairly unrebellious teenager,
but I did enjoy messing about with the school computer network. Highlights included:

- giving a friend of mine superadmin status, which meant his privileges were too high too be taken away by the sysadmins
- using a hacked account and stolen system tools to randomly delete people's accounts from the network
- logging everybody connected to the network off at the same time, remotely, on the final day before GCSE coursework had to be in and year 11s were frantically trying to finish theirs off
- flipping the circuit breaker for the server room, necessitating a complete network reboot that took the admins an entire weekend
- remotely controlling my IT teacher's computer, while she was using it

Geeky, I know. But at the time it was great fun, and my entire computing class worshipped me.
(Mon 23rd Jul 2007, 0:18, More)

» Debt pron

So I've nearly finished my first term at Uni,
and have been considering the financial side of things. If my spending continues as it has been for the past 9 weeks, I probably won't need an overdraft this year, which can only be a good thing. Even so, I wasn't sure if coming to Uni is financially worthwhile, so I did a bit of calculation. Consider:

£3000 a year fees. Mine is a 4 year course.
£3200 accommodation this year . Thankfully my parents are happy to lend me the money for this, meaning I don't need a loan from a bank.
£3100 student loan.

So that comes to £9300 a year, assuming I don't get myself into any more debt. Now, let's further assume that all goes well, and after 4 years I have a first class masters degree (with honours) in a proper subject (Maths) from a half-decent Uni (Leeds). All for the bargain price of about £37k.

According to this website, graduates in 2005 were earning 45% more an hour than non-graduates (down from 51% in 2001). This is people with degrees overall, not those just out of Uni, who typically are actually earning less than people of the same age who've had a job for the past 3 or 4 years instead. It doesn't consider what kind of degree it is, either.

The average salary in the UK is currently £15500. This means that £37000 is just over two years pay (the 6k or so discrepancy I'm going to ignore on the basis that students get all kinds of discounts and don't pay tax). Add to this the time I could have spent working rather than being at Uni, and I've missed out on 6 years pay.

So, if I work from 22 until I'm 65 (although I suspect that by then the retirement age might be considerably higher), that is 43 years, I will have earned the equivalent of (43*1.45-6) = 56.35 years for a non-graduate.

Obviously I've made a whole host of tenuous assumptions and projections, like current figures staying the same in the future, or that I (and everyone else) make a strictly average salary, which are almost certainly wrong. I'm not even going to try to work out what a difference of 13 earning-years means in terms of actual money, because I know nothing about enconomics. But what I'm trying to say is basically this:

Students, don't moan about your debt, poorly paid part-time job or peers with shiny new cars and mortgages when you're just getting your first permanent placement. Statistically, you will earn considerably more (almost a quarter, in fact) than if you hadn't gone to Uni, and what's more, you will hopefully have learned some interesting things you otherwise wouldn't have.

Everyone should of course feel free to tear this post apart as a load of complete bollocks, giving countless personal anecdotes or well-researched citations on why I'm wrong. It's all irrelevant anyway, as I'm going to pay my way through Uni playing online poker, win the World Series by the time I'm 23 and retire from professional gambling aged 30, a millionaire.
(Fri 24th Nov 2006, 16:09, More)

» Claims to Fame

I shot the sheriff.








_{But I didn't shoot the deputy.}
(Sun 27th Feb 2005, 20:48, More)

» My Greatest Regrets

So,
when I was about 15 or so, I was doing a Sunday morning paper round, getting up every week at 6.45 to trudge around carrying a heavy bag for little pay. Now, this story takes place in the winter, when it was still pitch black other than street lights at this time in the morning. On my way down, I find that I'm walking behind another a fairly pretty girl of about my age, who I recognise as another delivery agent. Not wanting to startle her, I stay some distance behind.

A couple of minutes later, I espy a gang of obviously intoxicated youths of about 18 or 19 stumbling along on the other side of the road. They've obviously seen this girl, and I speed up, sensing some sort of unpleasantness. Sure enough, as they get closer, they start shouting stupid, drunken remarks about what they would like to do with her, mostly involving what they describe as "9 inch hard ones". Yeah, right. I have just about caught up at this time, and can see that she is not taking it well. She is shaking, walking very fast, almost in tears.

Walking alongside, I make sure she knows that I am there, and she recognises me. She mutters a few words of contempt about the idiots across the road, but is obviously still upset and embarassed by the whole thing. But do I do anything? Comfort her? Maybe put my hand on her shoulder? Say any soothing words? No, I act like an moron and just walk there alongside her.

She quit her round that day.

What I regret is not doing something, anything at all, to let her know that she was not by herself, to make her feel a little bit better. It does not sound like a big thing now, but to her at the time it obviously was - she was nearly crying, and I never saw her again. I wish that I had in some way lessened the blow.

Right, enough seriousness and gloom. Go back to your stories of lasses you wish you'd shagged.
(Wed 11th Oct 2006, 2:33, More)