» Now, there was no need for that...

I was down
and someone kicked me.

Wouldn't have minded if they'd used some imagination.
(Thu 16th Jun 2005, 19:29, More)

» Useless Information

There are more stars in the universe
than there are grains of sand on the earth.
(Thu 17th Mar 2005, 18:53, More)

» Insults

Ah bless!
An old school mate of mine only learned to 'swear' in year 9 or 10 after one day it just got too much for him.

We were playing football one lunchtime on the playing fields. One of the other guys tackled my mate and his shoe came off. Being the crazy practical joker this other guy was, he proceeded to steal said footwear and run around the field with it.

My mate, in hot pursuit and non too pleased, finally lost his rag he shouted in the most aggressive voice ever: "Oh just prat off!"

Needless to say many laughs were had at his expense. I think he did get his shoe back eventually but only through pity.
(Sun 7th Oct 2007, 12:51, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

Being Colonel Sanders
I'm a bit pissed off with chickens.

So I tried to re-create a five-dimensional space-time continuum using just a cigar-smoking haddock.

Bizarre you might say, but my thinking was that if I could discover a worm hole that turned into a fish finger on the second tuesday of the badger year then I could power-throw the fonz into the cosmos of cabbages.

I was wrong.

After all I am a gerbil.

Nice gerbil.

I never skive at work.
(Thu 28th Apr 2005, 13:03, More)

» Useless Information

It is indeed a scientific fact
that if you fly to the centre of the universe on the back of a hamster while at the same time trying to smoke a cigar in less than a day (not a mean feat I'm told), the wizards of jabber bridge will rock out at the sixteenth fret for no apparent reason.

Funny that
(Sat 19th Mar 2005, 13:54, More)