» Teenage Parties

Killer Whiskey
I was around 17 and had been working all day in my mcjob (god knows why i worked there) couldn't stand the food so hadn't eaten that day. Finished work went home and had a shower, you fooking reek after working in one of those places, then went straight round a mates for a sesh. Got there and off we popped to the offies and decided on a bottle of southern comfort and then back to his. Only him and i were drinking for some reason but i got bet that i couldn't down half a bottle of the nasty stuff, being 17 i accepted and 1/2 a litre of whiskey went down in 30 secs. With my mate drinking the rest over half an hour.
What were they laughing at i felt fine.
We pissed about a bit playing driver, then decided food was in order so set off for the local pizza place. On the way there we saw one of out teachers from sixth form out with his wife. I tried to look sober i really did, instead i mumbled some random shit and fell into the road laughing hysterically. Next we decided we passed a church and decided to climb to the top of the 12ft high gateposts, all very fun till we all needed a piss suddenly (must have been the graves). The two mates with me stood at the top of the gateposts and had a piss into the churchyard (only one was pissed). Me thinking this was out of order wandered over to the main road into the town center and had my piss there. Eventually we made it to the pizza place having lost the sober one somewhere along the way, we ordered the biggest family meal deal we could. It was something like two large pizzas garlic bread some puddings, a bottle of pepsi, and some random side orders. We quickly made our way back to his and started consuming the way only booze can make you, i was fine i really was, we had finished everything apart from the garlic bread from hell. One bit of that and the rumble started, it started bad. I let my mate know though a series of grunts and oh fucks, he got me a bucket and i proceeded to spew the entire world. I'm told that over the next few hours i managed to fill the entire bucket in lumpy muck.
Haven't been able to touch the stuff since.
(Fri 14th Apr 2006, 22:51, More)

» Injured Siblings

Mental Torture
I don't know why my little sis still talks to me, some of the things that i did to her:

Tied her to the banisters upstairs with every single dressing-gown belt that i could find. Mum then called us for supper so i went downstairs and told her that little sis was on the lo and wouldn't be coming down for a while. They had to cut her out in the end.

Once when we were looking after someones hamster for them while they were on holiday, we discovered that little sis was allergic. She came out in a red itchy rash. One day mum went out and told middle sis and myself not to let her itch her rash, so what did we do? That's right more dressing-gown belts and more banisters. But this time we felt that wasn't enough so we arranged out in front of her ( all opened ) a pack of crisps, a chocolate bar, a can of coke, and a slice of cake. After letting her look at the just out of reach food for a while, we then ate it in front of her. We untied her before mum came back of course.

Another one pulled with middle sis.
Just back from holiday we had finished unpacking and there was a large suitcase in the sitting room. At the same time through some sort of telepathy middle sis and i had the same idea.
"Lets play the suitcase game" said us.
"What's that?" enquired little sis.
So i duly climbed into the suitcase, they closed the lid, sat it on it's end, then put it back flat on the floor again and i climbed out exclaiming that it was wonderful. Middle sis then took her turn and did the exact same thing. Thinking that this sounded like great fun little sis climbed in readily. We locked the suitcase, turned it over a few times, took it upstairs, bounced it back down the stairs again, then left her in it for 30 mins. It's a wonder that she isn't claustrophobic.



Hmm really should say sorry for some of these things
(Fri 19th Aug 2005, 18:31, More)

» Dentists

Why not just give me an hour appointment?
Sorry this is a bit long

A couple of years ago while at uni I developed an intense pain in my mouth, I did what all sensible people would do, I took painkillers and ignored it. After a few weeks of nagging by my gf the final straw came when one whole side of my face swelled up massively - I looked like I was related to the elephant man. So I trotted off to the dentists who told me that he couldn't do anything because the swelling was too bad, he prescribed me antibiotics and sent me on my way. A few weeks later after clearing out the local Tesco’s painkiller aisle I was back. He informed me that I had two abscesses in my mouth, one on each side, and scheduled me for an appointment the following week.

This is where the bad started to happen.

He had decided to give me two root canal jobs ( for the people that don't know this means drilling out all of the inside of the tooth down to the root and stuffing it with fillings), which was fair enough I thought. But rather than sort them out in one or two sessions he decided that he would schedule me a twenty minute session every two weeks till the end of time. Each session he would inject me a few times with anesthetic in the roof of my normally ( that am the nasty ) , pick one of the teeth at random and start drilling for about ten minutes then fill the hole up again with temporary filling and top up the other one. The problem with this was that the temporary stuff tended to wear out in about a week so I was left with the shell of a tooth for the next. After a while he started to bore out my roots with what looked like a miniature torture kit, and started to stop giving me anesthetic because there wasn’t time.
Bastard.
At around this time the inevitable happened and one of my teeth got a lump of food in (once the temporary stuff had worn down) and broke, I heard a crunch opened my mouth and a lump of tooth the size of my thumbnail came out of my mouth, I nearly shat. I rang up and they told me not to worry and to come in when I was scheduled to. So I turned up and he gave me the rare grace of anesthetic and then told the nurse to hold me down at which point he just pulled out the tooth that hadn’t broken. I was stunned I went home and prepared myself for the next appointment. When I turned up he told me that the broken tooth was too bad to save now and needed to come out. So in go the needles and out came the pliers, the problem was that the tooth was too weak now to come out in one so he kept just puling bits and pieces out. So out comes the drill and goes down the hole where the top of my tooth was to drill the roots apart. Then out comes what I swear were heavy duty wire snips and with a soul shuddering snap he cuts the roots apart, which he pulled apart with needle nose pliers.

I now have two gaps in my mouth, and am too scared to go and get something done about them.
(Fri 3rd Nov 2006, 10:16, More)