» The Weird Kid In Class

Weird teacher
Maybe it's because my parents divorced when I was nine and I'd developed a mistrust of adults and authority, but I always founds the teachers weirder than the students, even in primary school.

One moment that stands out is when my year six teacher Mrs S. started to bollock me and my friend Ross because our younger brothers had been caught having a competition to see who could urinate the highest up the urinal wall. She went on a two minute rant about how disgusting it was. I remember looking around and seeing that the rest of the class, despite our young age, were equally bemused as to what was going on. I actually stood up to her, saying, "Sorry, have I done something wrong, or has my brother?"

This is the same teacher who told us that Jesus died for all our sins, and then bollocked me for asking if that meant that the guy who killed the kids at Dunblane (then a topical story) was in heaven. I didn’t know it at the time, but that moment started my slow but sure lapse from Catholicism…
(Sun 21st Jan 2007, 20:16, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

The drummer from Radiohead
I met Phil Selway at Glastonbury a couple of years ago. We chatted for a bit while watching Damien Rice. I suggested he take advantage of his drummer cool and hook up with Nelly Furtado, who had just performed that day. I quickly retracted the statement, remembering that England had just been kicked out of the European cup and it probably wasn't a good weekend to start dating a Portuguese girl. Either way it didn't matter, as his wife was standing next to him.
(Sun 28th May 2006, 23:12, More)