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I'm not a bear and I'm certainly not helpful.

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» Customers from Hell

Not a customer from hell...
...but I worked for a greedy company from hell. An insurance/pensions company I won't name.

Due to stock market shittiness we'd screwed some poor elderly lady over regarding the amount of pension she was to receive - a lump sum and then a monthly amount. To be fair, the lump sum wasn't bad (about 5 thousand) but I knew she would be struggling.

Anyway, due to offshoring incompetence, this nice lady had received this 5,000 twice. No one in the company had the faintest idea, but she'd written to us to tell us as such.

It was my job to write a letter in reply to her, asking if she'd be kind enough to send it back in the form of a cheque.

Now, when we sent letters, we had to print a copy which would get filed on our computer system. What I did was file on the system a letter which asked for the money back.

What I did in reality was send out a letter saying to keep it, as we were the ones at fault. I then shut down her file on the system so it would never be looked at again. (Her regular pension payments would be paid out automatically, however.)

I hope she bought something really fucking nice.

Robin Hood or thief? Depends on your view point, I guess.
(Fri 5th Sep 2008, 1:36, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

I work in court at the Old Bailey
A few months ago one of our ushers was about to bring a judge into the courtroom but had misplaced his door knocker. It was to his detriment that he decided to use the ill-advised substitute of a packet of Polos, which promptly exploded and showered down around them both like painful minty confetti.

Another time he accidentally fell asleep during a fairly tedious hearing. Upon waking he mistook a pause in breath for the end of the day and in his loudest and jolliest voice stood up and announced 'COURT RISE!' right in the middle of the judge's ruling.
(Thu 3rd Mar 2011, 22:57, More)

» Nightclubs

Drunkenly strolled straight into someone and bumped foreheads with them
Apologised profusely and they did exactly the same.

I'd walked into a fucking mirror.
(Wed 8th Apr 2009, 13:00, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

On the Tube a few years back
It was a Saturday evening and there was a surprisingly mellow atmosphere among my fellow Tube-ees.

Obviously there were a few folk dressed up ready to embrace the capital's nightlife, including a very pretty blonde lady.

As the train made one of its stops, in climbed a trampy-looking man in his 40s, who made his feelings for the blonde girl very clear, by leering, wolf-whistling and then swigging on his can of Diamond White.

And then karma waved its cheeky little hand and the train door shut straight into the middle of his smarmy face.

Here's where the trauma began: I thought I might actually die from keeping my internal laughter locked up and managed with just a bit of discreet shoulder-shaking.

But it got worse. I made the fatal error of glancing up at him. Not only had this man gone bright red with embarrassment but, unbeknown to him, he was now also the proud owner of a massive black strip of train-door muck decorating his face in a diagonal line.

It was too much. At this point I began weeping - well, what can I say? He looked like a badger that had been on holiday to the Sahara Desert.

I chuckled solidly for about three more stops and only stopped due to physical exhaustion. Thank you, letchy tramp man, you made my night.
(Thu 29th May 2008, 20:30, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

PC is great
Non-political correctness is like an illiterate midget:

It's not big and it's not clever.
(Thu 22nd Nov 2007, 13:55, More)
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