» Awesome Sickies

coughs
"i can't [cough cough] come into work today [cough] i'm ill"

"whats wrong, sore throat?"

"no, actually i'm [cough] claiming to have a headache but i don't [cough cough] know how to make it sound like that over the phone"


oh and i once forgot to go into work one week. didnt have anything to do, just sat about completely oblivious to the fact that i should be going out and earning money for survival. can't remember what reminded me to go back.
(Sun 11th Jun 2006, 22:13, More)

» Urban Legends

mars bar
i believed this up until today, when i trumpeted it at work, only to be shot down in flames.
Murray Walker invented the slogan "a mars a day helps you work rest and play"
complete bollocks apparently.
mind you, i did also believe that an air guitar was an actual kind of guitar till i was about oooh 20.
(Thu 5th Jan 2006, 23:59, More)

» Crappy Prizes

snow queen
when i was at primary school, there was a competition to design a crown that could be used for the snow queen. despite being utterly unartistic i somehow managed to win, against kids from schools all over scotland.
so big day comes and im being presented with my prize up on stage before a showing of the play, the snow queen. cant remember what 3rd place guy got but 2nd place guy got a smart drawing/pencil set just the thing to keep youngsters amused for hours. thinking that 1st place prize must be waaaaayy better than that im quite excited when my turn comes. and the guy gives me ..... a book of stamps. commerorative snow queen stamps, as if that made it any better. so i started crying on stage in front of hundreds of people. great, a crap prize and total humiliation in front of loads of strangers.
i have also won typewriters on three seperate occasions.
(Wed 10th Aug 2005, 21:37, More)

» Dumb things you've done

science
when i was a young un i was fortunate enough to receive a chemistry kit one christmas. yeah, i know. anyway, i started doing some of the experiments and to be honest they were a bit crappy, so i thought i'd move on to some of the more exciting ones, which involved heating things up over the supplied bunsen burner. however, i couldnt be arsed setting it up, so i just put the tripod over one of the gas rings on the cooker and started heating stuff up on there. all went swimmingly, and when it finished heating i turned off the gas, got out my tongs, and removed the container from the top of the tripod. and then transferred it, using the tongs, directly into my other hand. absolute cocking agony. all the skin was hanging off my fingertips. i was not a happy scientist.
(Fri 21st Dec 2007, 15:43, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

chemistry
when younger, i had a chemistry set with experiments in stuff. was heating up some stuff in a little metal bowl once, over the cooker rather than the supplied bunsen burner cos i had no fuel.
paying special attention to the warning in the chemistry book "Do not touch, will be hot" (hey it was for kids) i removed the little bowl from the tripod using my tongs ... and then transferred it to my other hand.
took a couple of seconds before i threw it away, much skin hanging off fingers as a result.
(Tue 9th May 2006, 19:15, More)