» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

We were looking for a new flat
and four of us had a viewing one afternoon. We couldn't really ask for anything better; £250pppm, new carpets and paint, just off the city centre, nice big rooms. We decided to take it after a bit of discussion, but unfortunately they had just shown another group of people around and so we had to act fast. I gathered the money off of everyone and legged it to the nearest taxi rank. Nothing. I ran as fast as I could through town with not one goddamn taxi anywhere, and made it to the letting agent out of breath and sweating, but victorious! The flat was ours!

Anyway, as I was walking out of the office, one of the people from the other group came round the corner, spotted me and groaned. "Ah, you got it, didn't you?" he asked dejectedly. I thought I should lighten the mood, and so - and don't ask me why I thought this was a good idea, because I just don't know why - I started laughing. Like a pirate. One eye scrunched, plenty of thigh-slapping and "AAAAAAArrr har-har har har!"-ing, and laughed louder and louder for a good thirty seconds while he stood there in silence. When I finally stopped, the idiocy suddenly hit me and I mumbled "well, I hope you find somewhere" and left.

Why, why did I do it?
(Thu 17th Sep 2009, 19:09, More)

» Fancy Dress

The grotesquities of sellotape
It's Halloween and I haven't got a costume. I decided I should make an effort, it being Halloween and all, so I got some sellotape and stuck one eye closed, the other eye wide open and my nose pulled up like Tubbs and Edward.

The effect was so hideous that girls would go to ask me a question, then as I turned round would scream "Oh my God! What happened to your face!?" I got more attention for my costume than any of my friends, and it cost me nothing!

It wasn't a pulling face though, I'll give you that...

img.photobucket.com/albums/v380/Phil_T/DSC00023small.jpg
(Thu 12th Jan 2006, 20:56, More)

» DIY Techno-hacks

Lightbulbs: the key to magical cars
My first car was a Rover 100, a little rough around the edges, but a nice runner with a gearstick that had to be smacked into the passenger's leg every time you went into low gears. And one day, a headlight went out. My dad helped me open it up and pull the old bulb out; we didn't have a matching bulb, but there was one from a Toyota that fit pretty well, in the sense that a square peg fits snugly into a round hole if you apply enough force. It was also a lot better than the old bulb, in that it turned my Rover into a magical car that could be driven without the key in the ignition, so long as you left the lights on.

I was pretty thrilled about it, but since it took a fortnight or so before I discovered I suddenly had a low-rent Herbie I failed to cotton on, and took it to the local garage to see what was what. My dad and I both stood there sheepishly as the mechanic held out the offending bulb and said "Right, which one of you put this bloody bulb in your car"?
(Thu 20th Aug 2009, 20:59, More)

» Wanking Disasters Part II

A third-hand-told sex disaster rather than a wanking disaster
A friend once told me that the second most wrong conversation he ever had was with some bloke who somehow brought the conversation round to rimming his boyfriend, during which he said "if you ever feel something in your mouth, it's best to just swallow and not think about it".

God, I still want to vomit. He wouldn't tell me what the first most wrong conversation he'd ever had was, and in hindsight I'm glad he didn't.
(Sat 19th Feb 2011, 16:04, More)

» Neighbours

Bad neighbour?
That would be me. Or more precisely, the people I've lived with. Being in the back bedroom, mine was the one that was drunkenly pissed out of any hour of the day. Well, they were students. But that wasn't the worst bout of urination.

I currently live in a flat in the city centre, and I can't be expected to remember that an entire wall of my room faces the public highway and is literally a gigantic window with a thin strip of wall in between. I'm not THAT forgetful, but still, a man needs his freedom and sunlight is cheaper than lightbulbs. I'll say no more.

But the worst moment was when my old housemates came to visit, and me occupying the bog, they decided to revist the old traditions and pissed out of my window.

In full view of the public. And the restaurant over the road. And over the restaurant I live above. Which has tables outside.

It was between lunch and dinner so no-one was really around, and that can be the only possible reason I managed not to get a visit from the police.
(Thu 1st Oct 2009, 23:49, More)