» Celebrities part II

Oh, just remembered
My mate Carl used to be in a band that supported The Hollies on a tour some years ago. They'd finish and then go back to their piss poor dressing room. Then The Hollies would do their concert, finish and go back to their somewhat more lavish room. The Hollies gave Carl's band not one acknowledgment. Not a thanks, not a cheers, nothing.

When they arrived at the last gig of the tour, The Hollies were celebrating in their room before the start of the gig, a party that would end long after the gig had finished. Anyway, Carl went to their room to try and create a bit of rapport and hopefully get to join in with the celebrations. After all, they'd played just as many venues as they had.

The member of The Hollies showed him a bit of gratitude followed by something along the lines of "hadn't you better go get ready?"
Carl replied with "Yeah sure, are we having a drink after the show?"
"Well we are, dunno what you lot are doing" and shut the door.

"Cunts" thought Carl. So when he and his band went on to open the show, they played The Hollies entire set in order, leaving them to come on and play exactly the same songs to an audience that had had their fill of those tracks.

After the gig, Carl's band were back in their pokey dressing room having a drink when one of The Hollies burst in.
"What the fuck do you think you're playing at??" he bellowed at them.
"We're having a drink, now fuck off and shut the door, you're letting a draft in"
(Fri 9th Oct 2009, 14:24, More)

» Stuff I've found

video
Earlier today, I found an old camcorder tape. Well, when I say camcorder, it was a battered Amstrad affair from the days before the word 'camcorder' even existed. A camera that was powered by my dad's car-battery charger.

Anyway, the tape was one of those that goes into a standard size VHS cassette so you can watch the tapes on a normal VCR. Who said Alan Sugar produces shite?

I'd given up hope and that the tape was gone for good, but I found it in the VHS 'caddy' in an old VCR in the loft. I rigged it up and played the tape.

A few seconds of that snow and the picture came on. Still of good quality.

It was footage my mother had recorded in 1993 of my eldest brother (who passed away nearly 7 years ago of some diabetes-related complication) helping my first-born learn to walk.

I cried a little. and then some more.
(Tue 11th Nov 2008, 14:44, More)

» Buses

My mate the driver again
He saw some bloke with a crash helmet on at the bus stopand thought, "that's a bit odd" as you would. He picked him up anyway and started to drive away.

The helmet guy then pulls out a pathetic excuse for a knife and says "Give us your money". My mate replied with 'fuck off will yer, I'm trying to drive a bus'

'Give us yer money or I'm gonna stick yer' and brandished the knife some more.

Nothwithstanding the large perspex screen between him and the driver, he still hadn't clocked the fact that (being back in the 90s) your money had to be the correct fare and you dumped it into a chute that went into a steel box. The money in that box wasn't going anyway without the access key and that was in a drawer in the cashier's office back at the depot.

Now my mate was getting a bit pissed off at the runt by now and saw his opportunity to get shut of him.

The route he was driving was across a large open plan housing estate which had a lot of large roundabouts. He put his boot down and started going round the roundabout and opened the doors. You'd be surprised at how fast a 12-litre turbo engine can push 12 tone of bus. and they refuse to fall over having such a low centre of gravity.

He managed almost two full circuits around that roundabout before helmet guy lost his grip and flew out the door. He shut the doors and carried along on his route with a round of applause from the passengers.
(Thu 25th Jun 2009, 13:48, More)

» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

Are people misunderstanding what a crush is?
Are crush and hormone-driven gratuitous sexual fantasy the same thing? IMO no it isn't. I think a crush is more like this.

It's a good 950 words, so it's in the reply.

Edit: You can find part two here www.b3ta.com/questions/teenagecrushes/post562450
(Fri 6th Nov 2009, 13:28, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

spaz
Once in a supermarket, the young guy on the checkout had what I assume was a form of motor neurone disease. He asked how I was, we made smalltalk, he was steadily keying stuff into the till, and even helped me pack. Although he had trouble opening a couple of carrier bags.

I paid, and he looked at me sheepishly as he took several attempts to fish the correct change from the till. I grinned and said "you take your time mate".

However, the woman behind me was huffing and puffing and getting impatient, and started taking stuff off the belt and put it back in her basket to go to another checkout.

I tutted, and he called over to her in an exaggerated accent "Is it 'cos I'm a spaz?"

I laughed so hard, my knees buckled and I had to put my shopping down.
(Sun 25th Nov 2007, 12:54, More)