» Ignoring Instructions

mmmm chlorene
In secondary school doing an experiment with different gases, seeing if they are flammable, if they smell etc, usual 13 year old cack.

When the supply teacher tells the class "lads, whatever you do, dont sniff the chlorene gas..." we asked why but were just told "not to"....weeeelllll cue me and my mate Phil daring each other to sniff it....if our knowledge of WWII was up to scratch we would have worked out that it was the same substance used by the evil hun to "wash" millions of jews, and may have sided with the supply teacher.

Instead....cue two thirteen year olds sniffing the minutest amount of Chlorene only to collapse on the floor gasping for breath and draining our mate Dave's asthma pump (like it would help). Both of us had a stompin headache and I lost so much blood/snot out of my nose I truly thought my brain was trying to make a run for it....guess that supply teacher had a good point after all.

*Edit* Actually gas used in WWII was Zyklon B, Chlorine was in WWI, shows what I learnt :(
(Thu 4th May 2006, 16:00, More)

» Call Centres

Conservatories
I'd always wanted a conservatory, still do in fact, but I've never been in a position to afford one unfortunately.

Anyway, I was at home one hot sunny day thinking how nice it would have been to have a conservatory so I could sit out in it and relax on one of my hard earned days off.

*ring ring*

What a stroke of luck, not only for the cold caller but for me too, it was a well known double glazing company....

Me: "No I'm not too intersted in double glazing thanks, but do you happen to "do" conservatories"

I could hear the cold callers voice raise an octave or two in joy. I discussed at length that I'd always liked one, nothing too fancy, plastic roof, double glazing. It would ned to be reasonably soundproofed too, as I live(d) close to a main road, it was all doable. Excellent stuff thought I, gazing out of the window at nature in all its bright and beautiful glory, I asked him one last question:

"How easy is it to attach a conservatory to a second floor flat ?"

At this point he hung up, though I was very keen to get one or at least a quote, and thought I'd be the envy of chavsville if I had a conservatory batoned on to the side of my little flat. If only it was viable, I was serious for the most part, if not only brought on by a hot sunny day and an overwhleming sense of boredom. And yet I was still quite proud of myself for that.

(I know, I preferred undercovercarrot's tale too)
(Thu 10th Sep 2009, 13:23, More)

» Running away

Next time im gone for good......
a friend of mine ran away once, a group of us had picked on him for farting in drama and make an embarresingly big deal about the foul stench that fell out of his arse. he was obviously upset at this treatment, which only served to encourage us with our torment.

After an hour or so of this he was near tears (one of our biggest rugby players but off the pitch he was a gentle giant), so we left it.

The next day he wasnt in and our teachers called those involved it the "bullying" into a room, he had tried to run away that evening and his parents wanted to find out why, we gave our end of the story and were let off (quite rightly too).

However, the funniest part was how he returned, he had successfully and covertly packed his belongings and much food into his bag, climbed out of his window, shimmied down the drain pipe and off into the local woods. he had to return however as he nothing to open all the tins of food he had taken and couldnt climb back up the drainpipe. Numpty.

And yes he got it for a few days after for not even being able to run away properly.
(Fri 11th Aug 2006, 14:26, More)

» Putting the Fun in Funeral

Me Aunties funeral
.....terrible business, she had throat cancer, had that treated by radiotherapy and got a brain tumour, dead two weeks later....anyhoo, made a clanger by saying to her recently widowed husband "great to see you again" as we walked through the door of his house on the morning of the funeral, he looked.....stunned.

Funniest part (sorry Aunty) was after the service, we were talking to all of our family which went on for ages, when my bro and I turned around to see a thick plume of black smoke pouring out of the crematoriums chimney, not wanting me old man to get a lung full of his dearly departed sister we made excuses and shuffled everyone back to the car park...im sure they knew though.

We still laugh about it now...I think ? Well I do.
(Thu 11th May 2006, 12:42, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

Spooky Streetlights
I was walking back from my ex-girlfriends many years ago now (possibly 97/98), down a road that has a golfcourse on one side and horses fields on the other. There were houses at both ends of the street but pretty much nothing but nature for a mile and a half in between...anywho, as I got about half way down the street i just happened to turn around in time to see the street light furthest back in the direction I came go out, then the next, and so on (think Event Horizon) until they caught up and passed me, each going with a *blink* until i was left standing there gobsmacked and shit scared. The atmosphere changed (possibly in my head) too, there was an unmistakeable quiet and serenity (being a stones through from the A2 there was always a buzz in the background), I remember thinking, its probably just a power cut but they didnt come back on....so I legged it. Asked me ma and pa when I got in if there was a power cut or failure or anything and there wasnt. Needless to say she paid for me to get a cab home the other times....woo for the wuss, and possibly hence the "ex"

*pop*
(Tue 25th Apr 2006, 8:18, More)