» Other people's diaries

Rated R for drug use and depictions of sexuality
Been the victim on this one.

Back in the high school days, as a fit young lass of 15, I had a private journal containing private hormone-induced rants about my lack of a sex life and private drawings of hot naked chicks (not gay).

I spent the weekend at a friend's house, and on the first night aforementioned journal disappeared. Just *poof* gone. I spent half an hour in a panicky drug-fueled haze tearing through the piles of clothes and whatnot in her room. Couldn't find the fucker.

Two days later, my friend walks in holding my journal. Guess where she found it. Guess.

Under her father's pillow.

Shudder.
(Fri 2nd Feb 2007, 3:16, More)

» When were you last really scared?

Well I felt stupid...
Spiders are fascinated with my bathroom. Specifically, my shower.

Now, I HATE spiders. They scare the crap out of me. I just don't like the creepy little buggers.

One morning as I was getting into the shower, I notice a nice healthy fat spider with a body about the size of a quarter. Cringe. Of course, I'm naked and I don't want to go anywhere near it. So I spend about twenty minutes spraying it with hairspray and window-cleaner. It isn't dying. So I try setting it on fire with a candle. But it's too wet to burst into flames, so it just crisps and finally falls on the floor and condescends to die.

Ugh.

After experiences like this, I tend to be jumpy for the rest of the day, freaking out when hair/headphones cord/anything touches me.

Which brings me round to the answer to the question: the last time I was really scared was when - after killing said spider - I had a brief moment of pure panic when something started tickling my inner thigh. Aaaah! Flail!

Oh. It's my tampon string. Right.
(Thu 22nd Feb 2007, 20:16, More)

» Evil Pranks

Humor cures cancer
For a while my family was living next to a house full of twats. These guys had poser-motorcycles, and made a point of working on them at 7am on a weekend. Rev. REEEEVVV. They would race the wrong way down the one-way street, and just generally piss off everyone in the neighborhood.

One fateful day, my dad found a key on the walk between our houses. Well, this story wouldn't be evil if he had returned it. The motorcycle sat there unused for a few months, and we giggled amongst ourselves whenever we overheard them complaining about it.

Every so often, my dad would pull the key out of his pocket, jingle it, and cackle hysterically. We moved out about four months later, and my dad decided to pass the joy on to one of the neighbors.

There was a family living directly across from us, and the father had complained before about how they would race around with no regard for his young children. He was pretty down in the dumps because he had just found out that he had colon cancer (my dad: "that would explain why he seemed so anal lately"). One day when he was out in the yard, my dad went across the street, pulled out the key and jangled it. He pointed at the motorcycle with a grin on his face, and handed the key to the guy.

His smile was priceless.
(Tue 18th Dec 2007, 0:00, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Not me, but my sister...
...though I enjoyed the benefits (read: whiplash) of this moment in the passenger seat last night.

Driving along all innocent-like, my sister asks "have you ever..." SCREEEEEEEEEEECH she brakes like hell and stalls out. My heart's a-racing, I'm looking all over trying to figure out what the hell kind of threat caused this.

She quickly restarts the car, and drives away trying to pretend that nothing had happened.

Her: "Uh, as I was asking, have you ever tried braking with your left foot? I was just trying to do it, It's harder than I expected."
(Mon 31st Dec 2007, 0:47, More)

» Stalked

The Lesbian Stalker
Oh god.

Back story: I should mention that I am a chick. Back when I was in my first year of high school, I had the job of showing the "new girl" around, and we became best-friends-by-default. I thought she was kinda lame, but she always hung around me, followed me, and split her lunch with me. I moved away at the end of the year. It wasn't until over a year later that she told me that she had been in love with me, and cried herself to sleep for a month after I left. I had to do the awkward "um, thanks" response to that.

Now I thought this "in love with you" thing was past-tense, so I managed to totally block the "creepy stalker" thing out of my memory. When I moved back to the area for college, she came to spend the night at my house. She spent the whole night trying to get into my pants, and I slept with my door locked.

I spent the next two days in a state of shock. I started to connect the dots, and realized that she had broken up with her boyfriend of three years within a month of when I moved back. She was one of few people that knew I was having some trouble with an eating disorder, and she seemed to be seeking approval by talking about how she had lost soooo much weight after the break-up, and so on.

I started avoiding her from there on out. One of our old mutual friends had since become the Lesbian Stalker's mortal enemy, and she passed on a lot of creepy information from the LS's ex-boyfriend. Gems include:

- She started copying my fashion and habits, and started cutting herself because she knew I was depressed.

- The time that she said that her boss at Longs Drugs was hitting on her, and made some comment about it being weird because he was 37 (she was 19). I made a joke along the lines of "37? But that's when men hit their peak!" Next thing I know, she's sleeping with him despite his girlfriend.

- The time she said that some guy on myspace was hitting on her, but she didn't like him because he was balding. I saw that he listed scrabble as an interest, and like the nerd I am, I made a joke along the lines of "if you don't, I will!" Next thing I know, word on the streets is that she met some older guy off of myspace and blew him.

- Okay, there are about thirty more of these stories, basic formula is that she didn't like someone until I approved of them, at which point she boinked them. And because I'm a bad person, she's slept with half of California.

- Non-related to the stalking, but gross nonetheless: she got a yeast infection and didn't know what it was. She decided to do nothing about it. Her boyfriend was nice enough to look it up for her and find out what she needed to do about it. She decided to continue to do nothing about it, instead opting to wear pads on a daily basis to deal with "leakage."

I'll give you a moment to gag.

- Since we had kept in touch by snail mail, I would occasionally throw in notes on random things like doilies or candy wrappers. Years later, her boyfriend found a candy wrapper in her drawer and asked if he could throw it away. "NO! Alison gave it to me!"

Egads. Apologies for length and all, but there are about eighteen level of creepiness that I couldn't even touch on here.
(Sun 3rd Feb 2008, 22:01, More)