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- a member for 17 years, 11 months and 26 days
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» Putting the Fun in Funeral
My Heart Will Go On
Was the actual song played when my great-grandmother's coffin slid behind the curtains.
My great-aunt, who was organising this thing, further embarrassed us by releasing three white doves, Michael Jackson-style, outside the crematorium, after the longest and most excruciating service - during which it was quite obvious to everyone that the vicar (or priest, I don't know) was totally inept, racked by coughing fits and not too far from those curtains himself.
And they all wonder why I'm the only atheist in the family.
(Mon 15th May 2006, 11:23, More)
My Heart Will Go On
Was the actual song played when my great-grandmother's coffin slid behind the curtains.
My great-aunt, who was organising this thing, further embarrassed us by releasing three white doves, Michael Jackson-style, outside the crematorium, after the longest and most excruciating service - during which it was quite obvious to everyone that the vicar (or priest, I don't know) was totally inept, racked by coughing fits and not too far from those curtains himself.
And they all wonder why I'm the only atheist in the family.
(Mon 15th May 2006, 11:23, More)
» Ignoring Instructions
Category D, 500W
After a couple of fat ones I decided to make myself a jacket potato.
Too lazy to do it the old-fashioned way, I put said potato in the microwave and left it on, ignoring the words my kind mother had said to me; "8 minutes and then five more if needed."
Went upstairs and spaced out for twenty minutes. When I came back downstairs the kitchen was full of grey and noxious smoke and the microwave BLACK with whatever.
The potato? Like a fricking meteorite, so I chucked it into the garden where it shattered on the patio like glass.
(Tue 9th May 2006, 11:20, More)
Category D, 500W
After a couple of fat ones I decided to make myself a jacket potato.
Too lazy to do it the old-fashioned way, I put said potato in the microwave and left it on, ignoring the words my kind mother had said to me; "8 minutes and then five more if needed."
Went upstairs and spaced out for twenty minutes. When I came back downstairs the kitchen was full of grey and noxious smoke and the microwave BLACK with whatever.
The potato? Like a fricking meteorite, so I chucked it into the garden where it shattered on the patio like glass.
(Tue 9th May 2006, 11:20, More)