» The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis

Here's one I flicked off in the Carribean recently...
Isn't it awfully nice to have a mimsy?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a bush?
It's swell to have a pussy.
It's divine to own a chuff.
From the tiniest lady garden,
To the world's biggest muff.

So, three cheers for your fabulous vagina.
Hooray for your hoochie coochie friend.
Your lady bits, your cha-cha-cha,
Your cherry, or your box.
You can pierce it or tattoo it,
Or fill it full of cocks.
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock.
And you won't come back!

(With thanks to Powervator and The Pythons for the inspiration)
(Fri 13th Mar 2009, 12:53, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Short one
I'm a terrible parent - I don't even have a child.
(Thu 16th Aug 2007, 16:33, More)

» My Collection

Little Purple Triangles
A good few years ago when I was no'but a lass, a certain soft drink company (lets call it Rye-Bee-Nah) was doing a promotion whereby you collected the corners off cartons and could exchange them for various goodies. Being fairly ambitious I decided the soft toys and keyrings were not for me, but I would save up for something big.

Week after week went by and I saved a carton corner from every drink I had. Packed lunches, snacks and vending machines would tremble as I approached with scissors in hand.

I finally counted up the little purple triangles to find I was around a hundred short of anything cool. The next few weeks were spent frantically searching for the last remaining cartons in shops where stock rotation was notoriously poor.

Gathering together my horde, I shovelled them into a large envelope and looked on the final carton for the address to send it to. To my horror the promotion had closed two weeks previously.

I kept the little bastard triangles for 2 years, hoping that the company would do another promotion where you had to collect the same things, but they never did.

Arses.
(Mon 15th Jan 2007, 12:47, More)

» Family Holidays

GhostGhirl13
As a young teen I was taken round various National Trust properties by my parents who had splashed out on membership and were determined to make the most of it.

Although at that age I had no concept of "Goth" I would stand in the windows of whichever castle or stately home I'd been dragged to, let loose my long tresses and look longing out into the grounds beyond. I hoped that someone would look up from below and think that they'd seen the ghost of a lady lost in tragic (yet somehow romantic) circumstances.

I now realise that if anyone had been fanciful enough to have thought I was a ghost, it'd be that of a lank-haired scullery maid who'd fallen into the dishwater due to her own clumsiness.

Click to welcome me "Back2B3ta"
(Mon 6th Aug 2007, 14:40, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Pants
A male friend of mine once asked if he could wear my knickers.

I let him.
(Mon 3rd Sep 2007, 10:29, More)