» Strict Parents

Bizzare parents = bizarre rules
Being the daughter of two morris dancers, you can imagine my childhood was "imaginative" but when it came to being told not to do stuff, I'm sure my brother an I didn't have the monopoly, here are some strange things anyway:

We were told never EVER to bite the toothpaste tube, after tooth marks mysteriously appeared one day.

Shutup is the most offensive term known to man and we were forbidden to use it.

and finally and probably the most strange of all, we were banned from picking caterpillars off the cabbages and keeping them in the house after one year they exploded*

Strange childhood me!

*a species of wasp laid its eggs in them and the little wasps ate them from the inside out until they literally turned to mush... it took my parents ages to get rid of all the little wasps in the kitchen.
(Thu 8th Mar 2007, 15:16, More)

» The most cash I've ever carried

I once had a diamond worth £2million in my hand
but then I realised I was a pathological liar, and have no hands
(Thu 22nd Jun 2006, 12:47, More)

» Debt pron

Never trust a man named ADAM JONES
Apologies if you are not the ADAM JONES but I felt I had better warn you all!

I was hired at the same time as an 18 year old called ADAM JONES to do the same job (IT Support), we got on quite well and it was fun. He told us how his ex girlfriend had run off with a large sum of money, and that he was in trouble with the bank, I had a few spare bob at the time (£1000) and offered to help him out if he got his wages paid straight to me next month. He agreed.

Pay day came and went and still no money, I was told by the finance director it wasn't possible so I give ADAM JONES my bank details so he can pay it in manually. Two weeks pass still no money, apparently he'd got my sort code wrong (despite me writing it down for him). Two weeks pass and ADAM JONES tells everyone that he's got bowel cancer, I stop bugging him for money as he's obviously got bigger things on his mind. Two months of him working intermittently between looking for hospitals, and being ill at home with his 'millionaire dad'. eventually he doesn't bother coming in any more.

Then we find out, he doesn't have cancer after contacting his grandparents, but in fact has done a runner. The police are called, and summons issued last week...I'm still waiting to hear from them.

Moral of this tale: if you can't keep up with the Jones' don't lend them a grand!

(apologies for length and boringness - if you see the twunt ADAM JONES give him a wet kipper slap from me!)
(Tue 28th Nov 2006, 9:15, More)

» Awesome Sickies

Never impale yourself..
..on a bmx, it hurts!

Also the ambulance lady will lean over you going 'my thats a little bike you have there'. Not what you want to hear when your bowels are trying to exit through your abdominal muscles.

I know its not made up, but I would have loved to have seen the look on my bosses face on Monday, when I told him what I'd done. The truth is I could have gone to work, but you may as well fleece a situation like for all its worth, right?!
(Tue 13th Jun 2006, 10:41, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

Orson the real story:
I know I've already had one, but bear with me this one is kinda cool, and involves ninjas*

I know the guy that went on tour with Orson doing their merch. When they stopped in Birmingham, he invited me to come join him on the stand, I ended up with an orson t shirt on selling things to snotty teenagers.

Before the show the members of Orson had all approached us (my friend and I) and asked where was good to go out, as they wanted to (and I quote) "parrtaaaaaaaaay" and I said for them to meet us after the show.

After packing up, we waited, and waited, saw the support band dancing like wadgers, but no Orson. Finally when my friend went to bed on the tourbus, he found them there passed out in front of a Ninja film... they'd gone to bed, it was 11:30 if that. I've never seen anything so rock and roll in my entire life, I mean ninja films on a tourbus!! WOW!!

*story may include significantly less ninja's than promised
(Fri 30th Jun 2006, 12:08, More)