» Lies I told on my CV

Lies on my CV
How about claiming to be in the project team for a large defence civil engineering project in Scotland, only to find out the guy interviewing me was the project manager for said project who only agreed to interview me so he could expose my lie and laugh in my face.

Not my finest hour.
(Fri 7th Jul 2006, 15:15, More)

» Not Losing Your Virginity

I was 15 and going to the cinema with a girl
when we found out that her parents weren't at home when I walked her back we jumped at the chance to "do it".

I had cunningly nicked a condom from my bro's stash, and when the time came, I whipped it out and she moved to put it on.

It was then we realised that it was bright yellow and banana flavoured. Michelle was apparently allergic to bananas so wouldn't let it anywhere near her.

I wish I'd realised then that the flavouring was chemical and probably contained nothing even related to banana. Oh well, I've since been told she's living in a mouldy council house with two kids; narrow escape!
(Fri 27th Oct 2006, 17:15, More)

» Encounters with Royalty

I grew up in Minchinhampton
in Gloucestershire, a shit quaint little village right next to Princess Anne's sprawling estate. I'd often see the lady in question driving around in a huuuuge 4x4. I was driving my E reg Peugeot 309 (old skool!) down a narrow lane when she comes thundering down the other way and comes to a skidding halt just inches from me. She had a passing place about 10m behind her, mine was about 40m, and she was signalling me to back up!

The cheek of the bitch. Anyway, I sat there just glaring at her for about 30 seconds waiting for her to move, which she finally did. When I drove past her she muttered "wanker" so I gave her the bird. Serves her right.
(Wed 9th Aug 2006, 16:09, More)

» Cringe!

Once when I was a teenager I discovered the delights of alcohol
fast forward a few months and I went to my best friend's house and we proceeded to watch some films and drink a few beers.

Cue my mate's older sister walking into his room to find out what all the loud talking was about.

Maybe it was the way that the harsh fluorescent light glimmered from her silk-like golden hair, or the way that she used to playfully bite the corner of her lower lip when she was deep in thought; I'll never know what it was that attracted me to her. I thought up a witty and mature reply to her questioning gaze, fully expecting her to see how urbane and charming I was and fall deeply in love with me...

"He's inebriated and I aren't".




Bugger.
(Fri 28th Nov 2008, 12:04, More)

» My sex misconceptions

Until I was 9
I thought that men had to put their willies in women's bums to make a baby. Christ knows what I thought a front bottom was for!

Now I'm much older I only wish that's what my girlfriend would let me do...
(Thu 25th Sep 2008, 16:00, More)