Profile for billybobbean:
Idon't now do HTML and shit, I also read QOTW and post VERY occasionally. Enjoy!
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- a member for 17 years, 2 months and 9 days
- has posted 2 messages on the main board
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 1 messages on the links board
- has posted 21 stories and 7 replies on question of the week
- They liked 2 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 21 qotw answers.
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Best answers to questions:
» The Boss
You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this question!!!
Brace yourself this will be epic long.
Sometime ago (well a couple of months anyway) I had the most piss-take of jobs and was forced to work with the most stupid person of all time. These examples are only the tip of the iceberg as me and my girlfriend would regulary have "Sarahs Stupid Quote" everyday about new things she drempt up. These are a collection of my favourites and the ones I can remember. Will post more if asked and most importantly, if I dont make QOTW with this one, I will finally give up.
------------
Lets begin. Basically, I worked for a publishing company and I made the pictures for each sponsor (ie. A magazine on health? We'd call gyms and the karate dojo that took up the offer would have a picture made by me). However, due to Sarah coming from a sales background and now starting her own business from scratch, she'd never thought about managing staff not to do with sales and had no IT knowledge, so I was in charge of that too. Then again, she didn't relise I'd need a computer to make the pictures, so I brought my own in each day.
After 3 months, she decided to buy a company computer, and spent 3 weeks deciding which one was best and I told to get XP or Vista. (Incidentially, she bought a Dell running Windows '98 because "the man in the shop said they were the latest".)
------------
When she opened the bank business bank account at Barclays she also spent extra £700 on computer programs to manage her overheads and so on too. 4 Months later, she asked me if they'd be any use to me because she didn't have a clue. I declined.
------------
Jan 10th...
"billybobbean, whats the date?"
"erm, the 10th."
"oh, thanks."
15 minutes later:
"billybobbean, whats the date again?"
"the 10th, Sarah"
"cheers"
10 minutes later:
"billybobbean, whats the date?"
"Ahem. Its the 10th"
"Thanks."
20 Minutes later? The punchline:
"billybobbean, ("if she asks me the fucking date now...")
... WHATS THE DATE TOMORROW?"
------------
Very trustworthy, or maybe a little bit nieve. She didn't know how to take credit card over the phone (hard when your running a call centre) so I suggested paypal as a temporary means until she got a card machine sorted (this took her 3 months).
To verify paypal, she allowed me to scan her drivers licence, two copies of her home address and business credit card (the last one not needed, it was her suggestion, in her words, "just to be sure"). This was to my own laptop and she never asked me to delete them or at least see what I did with them ( still have them on my dekstop now actually).
------------
Seeing as mine was the only laptop, I held every piece of document to every customer. The only other back up was hardcopy, kept in a ring binder. The ring binder was lost 4 times in one day once.
------------
Sarah's boyfriend would visit each day (to be fair, he give her the 10K to start the business and he was a nice bloke to talk to). How did he have a 10K lying around? He was a cocaine dealer. Sarah also had a coke habit... towards the end of my career there, she started to develop a scab under her right nostril.
------------
Other appereance attributes include a fuckload of fake tan. Im not against fake tan generally, but when you walk into the office on Monday morning to genuineally think for a split second that your bosses race has changed from white to black, you know they are too excessive. Clothing in her office was casual, so I generally wore teans slightly below my arse and a t-shirt. She generally wore PVC leggings, lots of green gold and a top that Kat from Eastenders might wear. On a hangover.
------------
After fucking up for 3 months in a row (ie. two sales a week, the target was 7 a day), her silent partner became unsilent. To be fair, this isn't really down to her, but his honoury mention comes from the time he let us get off an hour early on Friday because he had to go the police station for an assult charge he had been arrested for a few months back ("I don't blame the police for nicking me like, they're only doing the're job innit?"
------------
Eventually I left when I was told to "do my fucking work" and I told them to fuck off. Ive unemployed since March, and I start my new job on Monday!! If I've got another crank, I'll let you know.
(Sat 20th Jun 2009, 22:35, More)
You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this question!!!
Brace yourself this will be epic long.
Sometime ago (well a couple of months anyway) I had the most piss-take of jobs and was forced to work with the most stupid person of all time. These examples are only the tip of the iceberg as me and my girlfriend would regulary have "Sarahs Stupid Quote" everyday about new things she drempt up. These are a collection of my favourites and the ones I can remember. Will post more if asked and most importantly, if I dont make QOTW with this one, I will finally give up.
------------
Lets begin. Basically, I worked for a publishing company and I made the pictures for each sponsor (ie. A magazine on health? We'd call gyms and the karate dojo that took up the offer would have a picture made by me). However, due to Sarah coming from a sales background and now starting her own business from scratch, she'd never thought about managing staff not to do with sales and had no IT knowledge, so I was in charge of that too. Then again, she didn't relise I'd need a computer to make the pictures, so I brought my own in each day.
After 3 months, she decided to buy a company computer, and spent 3 weeks deciding which one was best and I told to get XP or Vista. (Incidentially, she bought a Dell running Windows '98 because "the man in the shop said they were the latest".)
------------
When she opened the bank business bank account at Barclays she also spent extra £700 on computer programs to manage her overheads and so on too. 4 Months later, she asked me if they'd be any use to me because she didn't have a clue. I declined.
------------
Jan 10th...
"billybobbean, whats the date?"
"erm, the 10th."
"oh, thanks."
15 minutes later:
"billybobbean, whats the date again?"
"the 10th, Sarah"
"cheers"
10 minutes later:
"billybobbean, whats the date?"
"Ahem. Its the 10th"
"Thanks."
20 Minutes later? The punchline:
"billybobbean, ("if she asks me the fucking date now...")
... WHATS THE DATE TOMORROW?"
------------
Very trustworthy, or maybe a little bit nieve. She didn't know how to take credit card over the phone (hard when your running a call centre) so I suggested paypal as a temporary means until she got a card machine sorted (this took her 3 months).
To verify paypal, she allowed me to scan her drivers licence, two copies of her home address and business credit card (the last one not needed, it was her suggestion, in her words, "just to be sure"). This was to my own laptop and she never asked me to delete them or at least see what I did with them ( still have them on my dekstop now actually).
------------
Seeing as mine was the only laptop, I held every piece of document to every customer. The only other back up was hardcopy, kept in a ring binder. The ring binder was lost 4 times in one day once.
------------
Sarah's boyfriend would visit each day (to be fair, he give her the 10K to start the business and he was a nice bloke to talk to). How did he have a 10K lying around? He was a cocaine dealer. Sarah also had a coke habit... towards the end of my career there, she started to develop a scab under her right nostril.
------------
Other appereance attributes include a fuckload of fake tan. Im not against fake tan generally, but when you walk into the office on Monday morning to genuineally think for a split second that your bosses race has changed from white to black, you know they are too excessive. Clothing in her office was casual, so I generally wore teans slightly below my arse and a t-shirt. She generally wore PVC leggings, lots of green gold and a top that Kat from Eastenders might wear. On a hangover.
------------
After fucking up for 3 months in a row (ie. two sales a week, the target was 7 a day), her silent partner became unsilent. To be fair, this isn't really down to her, but his honoury mention comes from the time he let us get off an hour early on Friday because he had to go the police station for an assult charge he had been arrested for a few months back ("I don't blame the police for nicking me like, they're only doing the're job innit?"
------------
Eventually I left when I was told to "do my fucking work" and I told them to fuck off. Ive unemployed since March, and I start my new job on Monday!! If I've got another crank, I'll let you know.
(Sat 20th Jun 2009, 22:35, More)
» Customers from Hell
Knobheads
I've got a few classics, but heres Mrs. Bean for now...
"I work in a well known bakery (not sayers the other one) which is situated in a rather hostile area in liveerpool. Everyday i come face to face with the scum of the earth an have 2 feed each of their numerous children with sausage rolls. I'v had numerous requests for stamps, candles, electric cards, chips and had to tell the inbreads that we only sell fucking pasties.
One of my most shocking customers was the man, with the eyes that didnt face the same way, who asked me for a vanilla slice, It was a fair enough request until i told him that it was 72p, he then proceeded to tell me (scream in my face) that i was a robbing bitch and that they only used used to be 40p. I responded by saying it must have been a while since he last came to my wonderful workplace, to which he replied:
"Well ive been in prison for 20 years and just got out today"
my immidiate reponse was to give him the vanilla slice free of charge and to always remember to duck behind the counter whenever he comes in."
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 22:40, More)
Knobheads
I've got a few classics, but heres Mrs. Bean for now...
"I work in a well known bakery (not sayers the other one) which is situated in a rather hostile area in liveerpool. Everyday i come face to face with the scum of the earth an have 2 feed each of their numerous children with sausage rolls. I'v had numerous requests for stamps, candles, electric cards, chips and had to tell the inbreads that we only sell fucking pasties.
One of my most shocking customers was the man, with the eyes that didnt face the same way, who asked me for a vanilla slice, It was a fair enough request until i told him that it was 72p, he then proceeded to tell me (scream in my face) that i was a robbing bitch and that they only used used to be 40p. I responded by saying it must have been a while since he last came to my wonderful workplace, to which he replied:
"Well ive been in prison for 20 years and just got out today"
my immidiate reponse was to give him the vanilla slice free of charge and to always remember to duck behind the counter whenever he comes in."
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 22:40, More)
» Will you go out with me?
offtopic but I needed to tell you this one...
A little off-topic and I've already posted mine, but I thought I'd share what just happened literally a minute ago.
Currently filling in an online interview for a new job, the question was...
"What makes you feel proud
Think about something significant that you have achieved at work, a project or piece of work that made you feel really proud. Briefly describe it below."
My GF read the above question and quipped this gem:
"When I go the toilet and use only one sheet of toilet paper afterwards."
As I'm sure you all know, I've found The One.
That is all.
(Tue 2nd Sep 2008, 20:32, More)
offtopic but I needed to tell you this one...
A little off-topic and I've already posted mine, but I thought I'd share what just happened literally a minute ago.
Currently filling in an online interview for a new job, the question was...
"What makes you feel proud
Think about something significant that you have achieved at work, a project or piece of work that made you feel really proud. Briefly describe it below."
My GF read the above question and quipped this gem:
"When I go the toilet and use only one sheet of toilet paper afterwards."
As I'm sure you all know, I've found The One.
That is all.
(Tue 2nd Sep 2008, 20:32, More)
» Best Graffiti Ever
Just Wanted To Say Thanks For The Support People, My Trial Is Next Thursday
Signed, Bill Posters.
(Thu 10th May 2007, 3:30, More)
Just Wanted To Say Thanks For The Support People, My Trial Is Next Thursday
Signed, Bill Posters.
(Thu 10th May 2007, 3:30, More)
» Best Graffiti Ever
Omg, Just Remembered This Classic!
While I Was Bored, I Wrote In A Maths Lesson "Homoesexuals Are Gay" On A Desk... Laugh At The Back There.
Anyway, Came Back Next Week, Someone Had Written A Line To It, Stated "Nah, You Are Gay". Someone Else Subquencially Wrote A Line For That Going "Your Mum's Gay", And A Line From That Saying "Your Both Gay", And A Line From That Saying "Whats This Got To Do With You?" With A Reply Of "Shut Up Ya Gay Bastard" With More Insults After That With Finally A Massive Circle Around All Messages With Big Letters At The Top "You're All Gay".
I Was Crying With Laughter When I Saw What I Had Created... These People Annoymously Aruging Were Probably Best Mates Too!
It Was Like Internet Message Boards Before They Were Invented...
(Sun 6th May 2007, 16:10, More)
Omg, Just Remembered This Classic!
While I Was Bored, I Wrote In A Maths Lesson "Homoesexuals Are Gay" On A Desk... Laugh At The Back There.
Anyway, Came Back Next Week, Someone Had Written A Line To It, Stated "Nah, You Are Gay". Someone Else Subquencially Wrote A Line For That Going "Your Mum's Gay", And A Line From That Saying "Your Both Gay", And A Line From That Saying "Whats This Got To Do With You?" With A Reply Of "Shut Up Ya Gay Bastard" With More Insults After That With Finally A Massive Circle Around All Messages With Big Letters At The Top "You're All Gay".
I Was Crying With Laughter When I Saw What I Had Created... These People Annoymously Aruging Were Probably Best Mates Too!
It Was Like Internet Message Boards Before They Were Invented...
(Sun 6th May 2007, 16:10, More)