Profile for evilamnesiac:
"Evil Amnesiac is a connoisseur of wine, a bon vivant, a collector of spiders, scorpions and walking-sticks, a lover of opera, an expert on Chinese porcelain, and without very much doubt the greatest fornicator of all time" - Extract from The Times, 23rd April 2005
Evilamnesiac
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- has posted 11 stories and 20 replies on question of the week
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"Evil Amnesiac is a connoisseur of wine, a bon vivant, a collector of spiders, scorpions and walking-sticks, a lover of opera, an expert on Chinese porcelain, and without very much doubt the greatest fornicator of all time" - Extract from The Times, 23rd April 2005
Evilamnesiac
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
» Celebrities part II
In a Jacuzzi no less...
Many moons ago I was fortunate enough to spend two weeks in a rather splendid hotel in Banff (Canada not Scotland) and was sat in the outdoor hottub when I looked across to see none other than curly hair transporter scamp and poor man's Scotty, Colm Meany (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000538/).
I was literally just about to ask if he was who I thought he was, and he knew it, as soon as I opened my mouth speak he gave me a look of utter disgust and snapped 'Yes, I'm an actor for fucks sake', in a ridiculous thespian voice. Bearing in mind I was 13ish at the time was rather cuntish of him.
Luckily a woman in our party was in the hot tub with her son and gave out the fastest, and probably most cutting response I have ever heard.
"Standing in the background on star trek does not make you an actor you obnoxious cunt'
He looked extremely embarrassed, and well he should the rude arrogant turd.
(Thu 8th Oct 2009, 19:19, More)
In a Jacuzzi no less...
Many moons ago I was fortunate enough to spend two weeks in a rather splendid hotel in Banff (Canada not Scotland) and was sat in the outdoor hottub when I looked across to see none other than curly hair transporter scamp and poor man's Scotty, Colm Meany (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000538/).
I was literally just about to ask if he was who I thought he was, and he knew it, as soon as I opened my mouth speak he gave me a look of utter disgust and snapped 'Yes, I'm an actor for fucks sake', in a ridiculous thespian voice. Bearing in mind I was 13ish at the time was rather cuntish of him.
Luckily a woman in our party was in the hot tub with her son and gave out the fastest, and probably most cutting response I have ever heard.
"Standing in the background on star trek does not make you an actor you obnoxious cunt'
He looked extremely embarrassed, and well he should the rude arrogant turd.
(Thu 8th Oct 2009, 19:19, More)
» Advice from Old People
A Few gems from the mouth of my old man...
Probably one of the few questions of the week in which a post has immediately sprung out at me...
When I was about 14 my old man bestowed upon me his three goldren rules to dating... they have served me well.
1) Go ugly early
2) Beauty is only a lightswitch away
3) If they are not upto your standards, lower your standards.
the other wise words came from my uncle simon, who, over a family discussion about what you would do for money came out with this..
Simon "evil, would you give a man a blowjob for a million pounds?"
Me (about 15 now)"urrrghhh no way! never!
Simon "you have a lot to learn then, one of which is how much money a million pounds actually is, and the other is how much mouthwash you can buy with it"
and now, almost ten years later.... i can kind of see his point
(Sat 21st Jun 2008, 17:22, More)
A Few gems from the mouth of my old man...
Probably one of the few questions of the week in which a post has immediately sprung out at me...
When I was about 14 my old man bestowed upon me his three goldren rules to dating... they have served me well.
1) Go ugly early
2) Beauty is only a lightswitch away
3) If they are not upto your standards, lower your standards.
the other wise words came from my uncle simon, who, over a family discussion about what you would do for money came out with this..
Simon "evil, would you give a man a blowjob for a million pounds?"
Me (about 15 now)"urrrghhh no way! never!
Simon "you have a lot to learn then, one of which is how much money a million pounds actually is, and the other is how much mouthwash you can buy with it"
and now, almost ten years later.... i can kind of see his point
(Sat 21st Jun 2008, 17:22, More)
» Pathological Liars
Finally!
A question i can offer a decent answer to...
I shall now render you a tail about the greatest bullsh1tter that ever lived! a lord of verbal faeces, I shall call him Dev, for that is his name. now dev leads a relatively normal life as a van delivery driver for Banardos, but in his head, he is a legend.... for example
1) Dev is an expert snowboarder, proficent in stunts, off-piste the lot. he has the full set of avalanche gear etc etc etc.... Unfortunately he has never skied outside of a snowdome, and when i saw him boarding there, he couldn't turn right.
2) Dev used to paint Ferrari's, despite his he now works for £7 an hour driving vans... and sent his beetle to be painted by someone else
3) when i first mat the amazing dev, he told me he worked for a Jaguar garage in garforth. little did he know i live in garforth and there is no jaguar garage there, nor has there ever been.
4) whilst watching a program about the spanish armarda, i said "loads of them sank around the scottish coast, there are loads of wrecks up there" to which he replied "i know, i go deep sea wreck diving" to which his girlfriend replied "no you haven't dev, why do you always do this"
5) claimed to have a classic motorbike, despite having no licence and failing to know how to ride a bike when challenged. (a dumb lie to tell seeing as i work for a motorbike dealer)
6) lives with his parents, but claims to "own" the house, he just lets them live there, amazingly they lived there before he was born.
7) a few of us we discussing how fast we had driven, most people had driven about 110-125mph ish with darren winning at 138mph (he does love his car), but not dev, he had driven a Dodge Viper at 182mph on the M62 motorway. where did he get it from? "a mate lent me it for the weekend."
8) my old man is quite into flying plane (little propeller jobbies) and had a flying magazine on the side with the "utterly butterly" wing walking team on the cover, dev, looking at it for 5 minutes or so suddenly pipes up "i've done that, i used to be on the team" despite him being nearly 20st, know knowing where they were based etc etc etc
thare are hundred more tales from this model shagging, racecar driving, buffoon but these are to ones that i can remember right now, its not so much the scale of the lies, its the quantity, every time he opens his mouth lie spew forth like lava from an erupting volcano.
Length? not as long as his i'm sure.
(Thu 29th Nov 2007, 14:30, More)
Finally!
A question i can offer a decent answer to...
I shall now render you a tail about the greatest bullsh1tter that ever lived! a lord of verbal faeces, I shall call him Dev, for that is his name. now dev leads a relatively normal life as a van delivery driver for Banardos, but in his head, he is a legend.... for example
1) Dev is an expert snowboarder, proficent in stunts, off-piste the lot. he has the full set of avalanche gear etc etc etc.... Unfortunately he has never skied outside of a snowdome, and when i saw him boarding there, he couldn't turn right.
2) Dev used to paint Ferrari's, despite his he now works for £7 an hour driving vans... and sent his beetle to be painted by someone else
3) when i first mat the amazing dev, he told me he worked for a Jaguar garage in garforth. little did he know i live in garforth and there is no jaguar garage there, nor has there ever been.
4) whilst watching a program about the spanish armarda, i said "loads of them sank around the scottish coast, there are loads of wrecks up there" to which he replied "i know, i go deep sea wreck diving" to which his girlfriend replied "no you haven't dev, why do you always do this"
5) claimed to have a classic motorbike, despite having no licence and failing to know how to ride a bike when challenged. (a dumb lie to tell seeing as i work for a motorbike dealer)
6) lives with his parents, but claims to "own" the house, he just lets them live there, amazingly they lived there before he was born.
7) a few of us we discussing how fast we had driven, most people had driven about 110-125mph ish with darren winning at 138mph (he does love his car), but not dev, he had driven a Dodge Viper at 182mph on the M62 motorway. where did he get it from? "a mate lent me it for the weekend."
8) my old man is quite into flying plane (little propeller jobbies) and had a flying magazine on the side with the "utterly butterly" wing walking team on the cover, dev, looking at it for 5 minutes or so suddenly pipes up "i've done that, i used to be on the team" despite him being nearly 20st, know knowing where they were based etc etc etc
thare are hundred more tales from this model shagging, racecar driving, buffoon but these are to ones that i can remember right now, its not so much the scale of the lies, its the quantity, every time he opens his mouth lie spew forth like lava from an erupting volcano.
Length? not as long as his i'm sure.
(Thu 29th Nov 2007, 14:30, More)
» Customers from Hell
So many customers so little time...
Customer bought a CBR600RR sports bike from us, and four months later brings the bike back under warranty as it won't run, the battery is charged, it has plenty of petrol, their is no reason why the bike isn't running, we check everything in vain, so I call the customer, who swears blind he hasn't touched the bike in anyway and berates me for suggesting he may have caused the problem.
Days pass and we are having no luck at all with the bike, finally the workshop manager decides to check the bank angle sensor (think of it as an electronic spirit level, when the bike goes too far over it cuts the engine off) is functioning correctly, now he is clutching at straws at this point, but removes the front of the bike to check. only to find the sensor was bolted on upside down. We all listened in as he rang the customer and asked him if anyone had dismantled the bike, only to be told yet again that nobody had touched it.
only when dean started laughing and told him gremlins must have done it did the guy admit to messing with it.
total time taken to remove the front cowl and turn sensor right way up - 90 mins = £70 in labour.
total cost for saving face and not admitting you don't know one end of a spanner from the other?
£600.00..... and a voided warranty.
the really sad part was the sensor has an arrow and the word UP printed on it.
(Tue 9th Sep 2008, 23:30, More)
So many customers so little time...
Customer bought a CBR600RR sports bike from us, and four months later brings the bike back under warranty as it won't run, the battery is charged, it has plenty of petrol, their is no reason why the bike isn't running, we check everything in vain, so I call the customer, who swears blind he hasn't touched the bike in anyway and berates me for suggesting he may have caused the problem.
Days pass and we are having no luck at all with the bike, finally the workshop manager decides to check the bank angle sensor (think of it as an electronic spirit level, when the bike goes too far over it cuts the engine off) is functioning correctly, now he is clutching at straws at this point, but removes the front of the bike to check. only to find the sensor was bolted on upside down. We all listened in as he rang the customer and asked him if anyone had dismantled the bike, only to be told yet again that nobody had touched it.
only when dean started laughing and told him gremlins must have done it did the guy admit to messing with it.
total time taken to remove the front cowl and turn sensor right way up - 90 mins = £70 in labour.
total cost for saving face and not admitting you don't know one end of a spanner from the other?
£600.00..... and a voided warranty.
the really sad part was the sensor has an arrow and the word UP printed on it.
(Tue 9th Sep 2008, 23:30, More)