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Fun for all the family!

(Fri 20th Nov 2009, 14:21, More)

suprised this hasn't bindun

(Mon 21st May 2007, 19:43, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Celebrities part II

In a Jacuzzi no less...
Many moons ago I was fortunate enough to spend two weeks in a rather splendid hotel in Banff (Canada not Scotland) and was sat in the outdoor hottub when I looked across to see none other than curly hair transporter scamp and poor man's Scotty, Colm Meany (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000538/).

I was literally just about to ask if he was who I thought he was, and he knew it, as soon as I opened my mouth speak he gave me a look of utter disgust and snapped 'Yes, I'm an actor for fucks sake', in a ridiculous thespian voice. Bearing in mind I was 13ish at the time was rather cuntish of him.

Luckily a woman in our party was in the hot tub with her son and gave out the fastest, and probably most cutting response I have ever heard.

"Standing in the background on star trek does not make you an actor you obnoxious cunt'

He looked extremely embarrassed, and well he should the rude arrogant turd.
(Thu 8th Oct 2009, 19:19, More)

» Vandalism

The biggest Cunt I ever did see.
I did some ski seasons in my early twenties, working behind a hotel bar to pay for 5 months of hitting the slopes every day and in that time I witnessed an act of genius that stuck with me.

The bar I worked in was opposite the main slope so we had lights that shined different coloured shapes and patterns onto the slope at night from the front of the bar. The unit that provided this array of Technicolor worked by having about twenty metal discs on a revolving mechanism, each one had the shape required cut out of the middle of it for the light to shine through, each disc span around and changed colour for about five seconds or so then it went to the next shape.

This is where the hotel handyman decided to show his disdain for the management toward the end of the season, he took a sheet of metal and cut out a disc the right size, and over the course of a whole day used a very fine drill bit to cut out the word cunt in the disc, it worked as expected, projecting CUNT thirty feet high and about sixty feet wide on the opposing slope, right in front of the hotel bar, restaurant and the guest room balconies. making it the largest, most colourful and most ingenious piece of vandalism I have ever seen.

The best bit was people used to notice it, look away, shake their heads in disbelief/mention it to a friend then look back, by which time the image had changed.

Length... Meh.
(Fri 8th Oct 2010, 23:19, More)

» Complaining

The swines at Vodafone,
I'll get straight to it, Vodafone were sending me about 4-5 text messages a day trying to sell me various plans... after a few weeks I e-mailed them this:

Dear Vodafone people.

I am emailing you to thank you for your repeated inquiries regarding my mobile phone. However I am going to have to refuse your offers, as I already have a mobile phone contract that covers my needs perfectly. That’s why I chose that particular package. Whilst I am sure sending unsolicited texts selling mobiles is an honorable pastime, I am confused as to why you chose me to inundate with these adverts. You do not need to sell me anything, I already have a mobile phone, you sold it to me. You CHARGE me £25 every month for the service. However, seeing at harassing people with unsolicited offers is acceptable to you, I have compiled a list of items I think your may be interested in:

1987 Ford Fiesta: Black, 1.2L 120,000 miles, minor case of rust around wheel arches and door sills. Tartan seats, non runner, sold as seen £200 – there is a slight stain on the boot carpet, I’m not saying its blood exactly but you may want to give it a bit of a scrub.

A pair of work trousers I bought in a sale, black. Never worn, took them home to find that I am no longer a size 34, I was too embarrassed to take them back, which as I am sure you agree, is the same as tattooing “I’ve really let myself go” on ones forehead. £10

A “Fatboy Slim” album I bought solely on the basis of the song “weapon of choice” (Christopher Walken dances in the video, great video, you may not have seen it as you spend all your free time texting me adverts), however the rest of the album’s pretty rubbish. £2

Half a Batman DVD box set. £2.00 Bought for a tenner in Tesco’s. You can have Batman Forever and Batman and Robin. Because I will never watch them on account of three things, 1) Val Kilmer’s head is the same shape as a horses 2) Batman and Robin is garbage, the line “you’re not sending me to the cooler” makes me want to gouge out my eyes and stick ice picks in my ears 3) With these two classic DVD’s to watch, hopefully you won’t have the time to text me a never ending stream of adverts.

Let me know if any of these items appeals, if not, can you please stop texting me, unless you want me to come around to Vodafone towers and slap you around the head with an octopus. My mobile number is 010101010101

Thank you

Evilamnesiac

P.s. “Fone” is actually spelt Phone, I just thought I’d let you know before you put the typo on any letterheads, websites, handsets, adverts or as the name of a large publicly traded company. Because the other kids would laugh at you.

They never replied.
(Thu 2nd Sep 2010, 17:13, More)

» Faking it

Main Board
I have posted some images on the main board, I can finally confess! they are all fakes! I made them with Photoshop.
(Thu 10th Jul 2008, 19:26, More)

» Advice from Old People

A Few gems from the mouth of my old man...
Probably one of the few questions of the week in which a post has immediately sprung out at me...
When I was about 14 my old man bestowed upon me his three goldren rules to dating... they have served me well.
1) Go ugly early
2) Beauty is only a lightswitch away
3) If they are not upto your standards, lower your standards.

the other wise words came from my uncle simon, who, over a family discussion about what you would do for money came out with this..
Simon "evil, would you give a man a blowjob for a million pounds?"
Me (about 15 now)"urrrghhh no way! never!
Simon "you have a lot to learn then, one of which is how much money a million pounds actually is, and the other is how much mouthwash you can buy with it"

and now, almost ten years later.... i can kind of see his point
(Sat 21st Jun 2008, 17:22, More)
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