» Tramps

I smiled at a Tramp once...
...as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
(Sun 5th Jul 2009, 0:07, More)

» Pubs

The Prince Albert.
It's a small pub on a back road in Ely. It's a place where a sixty year old goes and gets called young. But it's still a laugh to go in there every now and then. Plus the owners go into my shop now and again.

Anyway, I'm going to tell you about their toilets. More so the men’s toilets, and even more so the have a chalk board over the urinals. Always has good lines written on it. This is what I've read on it.

- (In one handwriting) I love it when a plan comes together. (Under that in a different handwriting) I pity the fool that wrote the above.
- Eyes down for a wet shoe.
- Keep your eyes on the prize, and not on this message.
- Give me 15 men of steel, and I can claim back Ely in a week. (Then someone else wrote) Just give me 3 Ninja's and I can take it before daylight.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm still planning on drawing a CDC on it, but I'm worried about using the chalk.
(Tue 10th Feb 2009, 17:43, More)

» Banks

I love/hate my ex-bank.
Nearly nine years ago. I was originally with "B" bank, before changing to "N" bank. Mainly because A) it was closer to where I worked....actually that's it really. So closed "B" banks account, and put it all into "N" bank

Anyway, five years later I get letter from "B" bank. I have £30 odd pounds in an account. So I go in there the next day, and say that I haven't had an account with them for a good number of years.

So they understand, they explain that there could have been a little bit left in the account. (Fair enough)

So I close the account again, and put it back into "N" bank.

A year later, a letter from "B" bank. You have £1 odd. Repeat the above. That I closed the account. Aaaaand a year later. Another letter from "B" bank. Guess what I have.

Well at least they're giving me free money. But it's just a pain to walk that far.
(Sat 18th Jul 2009, 23:37, More)

» Accidental innuendo

The Rainbow Effect.
Not so much Accidental, but hey...

Back story, part one. I'm sure everyone has seen the rainbow vid where they go on about twangers, and playing with your friends ball. I used those lines on a few on my friends.

Back story, part two. A few friend and I were sitting in one of my female friends garden, eating a varity of food items. Her dad walks in and starts talking to her. I'm not really paying notice until I hear "Dante will tell you about the birds and the bees" Everyone looks at me. I then comment with, *picking up a pencil* a man has a long thing like this, *picking up a donut with the other hand* and a woman has a hole like this. I then simulate the act with the both items. Result she can't eat donuts ever again.

Real story. Year and a bit later. We was at a small football game thing, and they had buffet thing while you watch the game. My friend, who I had to explain the BatB too, and myself were picking out our food.

Her: *as she is picking up a banana* I'll have to have this because I can't eat donuts thanks to you.
Me *laughting to myself, because I knew she would be too weedy to open the banana if she got embarrassed. I had a plan*

We went back to our table with the rest of our friends; and I waited for her to struggle. Just as she picks it up, I comment about the donuts on the buffet, and everyone starts laughing. She gets embarrassed, she throws the banana at me. Activating plan.

Her: I can't open this you do it.
Me: Hey has any of you she that video about rainbow with all the innendos. My favourite one has to be Zippy and the banana.

I then do the one skin, two skin, etc. She didn't want it afterwards.

Length? after two yearsShe still can't eat Bananas, or Donuts to this day.
(Tue 17th Jun 2008, 12:08, More)

» Impulse buys

Not me, my Dad.
When I was a very young Dante. My Dad went out to the shops(which was across the road and one build down.), to buy a bottle of Milk.

On his return, he told my mother and myself that he brought a house....no milk tho.
(Tue 26th May 2009, 22:59, More)