» Pet Peeves

Fuckin sexist women
Why is it that on that kinda bueno advert it is wholly acceptable for those horrible, perving, whore bags to lay a trap for that poor waiter, who is only trying to do his job, for the sole purpose to get him to bend over for their sexual gratification?

Imagine, if you will, if the roles were reversed. Fuck me!!!!
Court case, compensation, sexual offender’s register. Even if it were just an advert, can you imagine the sheer volume of complaints
Sexual harassment is sexual harassment. Why is it a light hearted joke if its a women committing the offence?
AHHHHHHHHHH it’s burning my fuckin brain just thinking about it.
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 10:09, More)

» Shoplifting

More Porn....
When I was well below the legal age to buy gentlemen’s reading material me and a mate desperately wanted to get our hands on the above mentioned. Due to our boyish good looks and not having any older relatives to buy for us we needed a cunning and daring plan to solve our pervy needs. Basically, we came up with the idea of nicking them from the local shop.

The plan was for me to go into the shop and ask for a qtr. of choc nibbles, these being the sweets on the highest shelf, causing the old lady to go out back and retrieve the ladder. Then my mate would slip his hand through the door, the magazine and paper stand being right next to the door, and lift some top shelf goodness.

It worked like a dream, we were one jazz mag up with a qtr. of choc nibbles to eat while admiring the female form.
(Thu 10th Jan 2008, 13:59, More)

» My Biggest Disappointment

An Ostrich and Thomas the Tank Engine
When I was little, about 3 or 4, I was the biggest Thomas the Tank Engine fan ever. You name it, I had it, from shoes and socks to undies and jumpers. I lived and breathed Thomas.
Anyway, one day my Nan took me to the local bird sanctuary/zoo type establishment for a good day of bird spotting. I was all wrapped up nice and warm with the crowning glory going to my Thomas bob hat. I looked the snizzle schizzle, I can assure you.

Then my little world ended.

I had spotted a very big bird and fascinated by its size ran straight to its enclosure. It was an ostrich and boy did it see me fucking coming. Childish glee and delight soon dissolved into sheer horror.
The ostrich took a fancy to my bobble and thinking it looked tasty ripped my hat off my head and devoured the thing whole before my very eyes.

I'm sure I don't need to explain how disappointing that situation was or how disappointed the ostrich must have been shitting out a full woolly hat. Either way, I hope some cunt fucinkg cunted that fucking twat of a bird.
(Wed 2nd Jul 2008, 16:46, More)

» Evil Pranks

Poo on your car
Very drunk and very late one night I walked down someone’s drive and deposited a fat steamer on their car bonnet. I still to this day walk past the house and think of the look on the poor bastards face.

If you live near Chain Lane in St. Helens and know of a car that got pooed on a few years ago, please get in touch, I really wanna know how they went about cleaning it.

Length? half the length of the bonnet of a ford fiesta.
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 16:02, More)

» Voyeurism

Dirty Doggers and Hockey Masks
In my younger days I knew all the dogging spots in my area. No, not for that reason, it just so happens that the ideal spots for having a few spliffs in my car were also good dogging spots.

Anyway, it used to amuse me and my mates to no end watching these clowns wait round for action, dirty old men stood outside their cars smoking and waiting for a good perv. So, us being high teenage males do the natural thing, take the piss.

One night I just so happened to have 4 hockey masks in my car (don't ask) so we proceeded to park up in the darkest spot of this one particular area. There were about 4 or 5 cars dotted around and concluded these were good targets and we could take them if things got ugly. We donned the mask and then, as I was informed by my friend, flashed the interior lights (this apparently is how you attract a dogger). Then we all begin to rock the car whilst ducking down out of site. The cars pull closer, which is kindda freaky, but to make it worse there was a little gimp geek on a scooter who was obviously the messenger boy. He shot round to the main car park to alert the others that there was some action to watch.

Cue about another 6 cars and 3 motorbikes and all of us rapidly becoming very uncomfortable.
One mate bricked it, he just wanted to get out of there, me an the other two lads were unsure as to what action to be taken.
Imagine a wounded zebra on the plains of Africa with lions and hyenas gathering round, getting closer. That’s how we felt.

Then it gets funny, my mate instructs us to wind all the windows down and he flicks on the light. "Fu#k it, lets go for it". We all stick our bodies out the window, masked up and tooled up and start shouting all kinds of obscenities and threats. Man, you should have seen their faces hahahaha fcukin class, especially when my mate shouted

"DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW YOUR HERE YOU DIRTY DOGGING BASTARD"

That'll teach them to dog in my spliff spot.
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 9:50, More)